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1. I have a serious crush on my teacher – should I tell her?

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1. I have a serious crush on my teacher – should I tell her?

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Q: I’m a 16-year-old student harbouring ardent feelings for a teacher. She’s an absolutely wonderful (in my view, angelic) human being, who seems utterly devoted to what she does and is terribly cordial to us students. It is out of awe for her personality, and gratitude for how she’s made a mark in my life, that I feel so attached to her. She’s in her late 20s, I suppose, but I feel she could be 18. My feelings are not sexual, but my social circles make barely any room for this possibility. I can find little solace in my friends for fear that they’d mock me because she’s not considered a looker. I feel an urge to tell her how amazing and adored she is, but fear she’ll be threatened or affronted, or that she’ll feel pained for me and not know how to respond.

Answer
Dear student:

I can see that you are going through a very difficult stage in your life, but at the same time, full of many uncertainties. It is normal that you are feeling sympathy for your teacher; since she is a wonderful person, angelic and very cordial, as you describe her in your letter.
Let me tell you that the infatuation that you are feeling for her could not be real, since what you should feel for her is admiration, gratitude and respect.
In this case I would ask you a question: Has she insinuated you want to have a different relationship to that of teacher-student? I wouldthink that it only exists in your imagination since you are confused and can not reason clearly.
I am sure that the teacher loves you and your classmates with the love that a mother would feel for her children. Now I have to ask you another question: Have you dated girls of your same age ? Because that is what you should do. In addition to sharing youthful moments like going to the park, to the beach, to the movies, picnicking, bonfires, listening and dancing the songs of your time, ride bike with your friends, among others. All these experiences you can enjoy with your friends, what you could not do with your teacher because she was born in other years, is an adult person, she probably has other tastes and obviously her partner.
I agree with you when you say that your friends would make fun of you and not give you their approval regarding your feelings towards your teacher. They would be right.
I would advise you to talk with your parents about your confused feelings. I'm sure they could help you clarify your feelings.
If there could be the possibility that you talk to the teacher about it, and tell her what is happening to her, it would be great because she would understand you and together they would find the solution to the problem, if she is intelligent, fair and loves you like a child , it will.
This is an episode of your passing life, today you can see it as real, but tomorrow it will only be a beautiful memory.
You must have faith and confidence that you can achieve it and very soon this great dilemma of your life will become a fun and rewarding story.
I hope my advice can help you solve your difficulty.

With a lot of respect and sincere affection.

By Nazli Amador

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2. My father is a womaniser. I’m terrified I’ll become one, too.

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2. My father is a womaniser. I’m terrified I’ll become one, too.

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Q: I’m 22, single and very romantic, yet I can’t relate to women. I grew up with a womanizing father and ever since I can remember he has made comments about women and sex. No man in my family has ever achieved true love and they have all had multiple sex partners and lovers, betraying the confidence of wives and long-term girlfriends. My great grandfather, my grandfather, my uncle and my father share this and some of me thinks that I can’t fight it, that I will become the same. But I struggle. I just can’t talk to women; I can’t play charming around them even when I have a good relationship with them in spaces such as work or college. I have “female friends”, but I can’t break the confidence they have in me by playing the love card. So I’m often the friend of the women I like. My entire romantic concept has been built by culture, by movies like Gone with the Wind or Doctor Zhivago, books like A Farewell to Arms, For Whom the Bells Tolls and long sessions of the Smiths or the Cure.

Respected Young,
First, let me congratulate you, because you say you are terrified to become like him, that is a good point, you have doubts, that means you don’t want to be like him. It is your opportunity to cut with that bad habits, you can do it. Your faher has given you a bad example, all his life, not just your father, but your family, they must stop with the sin, because is a sin. Let’s talk a little about the fidelity in marriage. It is something sacred. When a couple gets married, they promise in front of the altar to be together until death arrives, and be faithful forever, your father hasn’t cumplied the promise. You are very Young, many younger people with you age, would like to experience what your father is doing, but I’d say, you are a good boy with great principles and values.

Being womanizer, is a psychologycal illness, it mean an internal doubt .They feel fear before the effective commiment, they can’tmaintain a relationship with a woman because the emotional closeness scares them, and they feel a strong and ambivalence towards them. they feel addicted to the female sex and can’t control their wishes, they became lier, neglect their home and at the end they get sick with a contagious disease and with no money so they have to comeback home.

My friend, an advice, you should talk with woman, relate with them, be friendly, but remember, when you decide to get married, be faithful and you will be happy. You must not be like your father, rather advise him to stop being womanizer. He might see the psychologist or a church to change his life.

I would like you write me again. I always will be here giving advice. Never forget, fidelity can make you happy.

By Sandra Barrios

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3. My daughter is dating a man more than twice her age.

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3. My daughter is dating a man more than twice her age.

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Q: I have a 23-year-old daughter. Her mother and I split up when she was seven due to her mother’s infidelity. I still see my daughter regularly and she is close to my wife and the two other children we have. My daughter didn’t have a “proper” boyfriend until she was in her late teens. Last week I was informed that her new boyfriend is a little older than her. It transpires he’s 48! He also has a wife and two children who he is preparing to leave to be with my daughter. I am, in equal measures, furious, horrified, embarrassed, ashamed and desperate. This new boyfriend is older than my wife, who is 46. I am 55. My daughter wants me to meet this man, but I am too shocked and angry that a man of his age and with his responsibilities could behave in this manner. How should I handle this? I am too embarrassed to talk to my friends about it.

Dear friend.
It is an important situation that you are going through. I think she isn't acting well, since that man is married to another woman; He has a wife and two children for whom he has to answer. In addition, he doubles her age. She can get away from that man and get someone her age. She needs to do it. As a father, you must be filled with courage, patience and give a lot of love to your daughter. You should talk to your daughter more often. You canget closer to her; she needs to trust a friend who listens to her and understands her feelings. Parents also make mistakes, you should talk to her about that topic; she should not follow a bad example. You can make her understand the suffering that those children and that wife are going through now, just as you and she suffered too. She has to understand, she shouldn't continue like this, it is not correct and it could end badly. Can she make a bad decision? Of course, but ... as her father, you must always help her. Can you guide her future? I'm sure she will do very well and she needs it. You may start the process now. She should start again. She is a very young girl . I would take things calmly, support her on a trip to another city through a job or to study, so she will make new friends and she will forget about it.  The dialogue is important, do not stop talking to her. You have towatch this video, it's fantastic, it will help you a lot with your case.

https://youtu.be/lbTFZ8cvHo4

By Mery Garcia

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4. My family is great, but I feel as though I have no real friends.

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4. My family is great, but I feel as though I have no real friends.

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Q: I am 38, happily married with two children and have a job I enjoy. However I have found myself plagued by anxiety about friendships and feelings of loneliness. Since having children I seem to have been on a roller-coaster of friendships. As our lives have evolved, people have drifted away. I now feel I am left with acquaintances (mainly school mums) rather than actual friends. I find WhatsApp groups stressful and can’t go on Facebook, as I feel jealous when I see events where I haven’t been included. Some of my pre-children friends remain, but busy lives and distance mean I only see them a couple of times a year. I’ve given up on phone calls, as people only seem to want to text! I just don’t know how I can get out of this spiralling anxious mindset. Will it improve when my children are older, or without play dates will my social life dry up altogether?

Answer
Dear friend

I congratulate you for having a beautiful family, I see that you are very happy with them, but I can see that there is anxiety, worry because you don’t have friends with whom to share some situations of your life. I know that you have a wife wonderful, she will always listen you and advise you at all times, take advantage of that beautiful friendship, you have to go out with she, you must share more; your children are a wonderful company for which you must fight every day; If you had tried harder to find friends, today you could enjoy more friendships.

you don’t feel anguished or with fear, because you think that you don’t have friends, give yourself the opportunity to open up to new technology, you may have friends if you want, you should write an e-mail or a text message to your childhood friends, but you don’t have afraid and encourage yourself to talk more with other people, organize your own plans, integrate other families, your other family members; you can make new friends, it is important to explore the world in which you live, remember that your family are your friends which you will find all the necessary support, but I recommend that you go out more and organize your own plans.

I would like you to invite your neighbours to field trips or organize a party in your house, they shall be happy to know you.

Would you like to read a book? You must read this book, it’s fantastic “How to win friends and influence people”

This is the link

http://images.kw.com/docs/2/1/2/212345/1285134779158_htwfaip

By Jaider Noriega

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5. I left my home for freedom in Europe but I’m terribly lonely.

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5. I left my home for freedom in Europe but I’m terribly lonely.

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Q: I am a 30-year-old guy and i am really lonely. i was born in iran and was raised in conservative family and society. i went to university there and graduated wiht a master's degree in english languaje studies. I am not at university in germany , but i am not able to make friends with girls. I have no proper  job , no future and not even a friend. I tried online dating sites;they don't work .
What is wrong wiht me? i even think of ending my life. I do not have eny future going back to a country which does not accept me wheni do not believe in islam.

Dear nephew...
A young man of your age can not be thinking about ending his life there are many others ways ti get friends , so as not to feel alone , you should look at the options of having a dog that is a very faithfull animal. Would not you like to have it? on the other hand you could also go to places where you distract more in fun than just in studies, fun people can make friends , you are very young and you should not think so of your life, besides life is very beautiful to be thinking about those things .

If you want to return to your country and do not like islam , you can do it and convince your countrymen wiht arguments that you would like to be in the country but your ideals are different from theirs and for this you could inform yourself about other ways of saying things to do not offend your people and stay in your country , you just have to think things through and achieve your objective because to want is power so you just have to do it...

By David Perez