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SEL Starts at Home (And Doesn’t End There) - CASEL

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Karen Lynn Morton Parent Caregiver Engagement and Empowerment Advisory Council

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SEL Starts at Home (And Doesn’t End There) - CASEL

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Key Points Back to top The moment they’re born, children look to the caregivers around them to learn how to navigate the world. From responding when getting picked on at the playground to describing how they’re feeling to others, children learn to react in situations based on the guidance they are offered and what they […]

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Incredible resource for the science and the practice of SEL using the RULER Method and Mood Meter 

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Incredible resource for the science and the practice of SEL using the RULER Method and Mood Meter 

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Also check out: YCEI

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The mental well-being of children and adults is shockingly poor. Marc Brackett, author of Permission to Feel, knows why. And he knows what we can do. “We have a crisis on our hands, and its victims are our children.“Marc Brackett is a professor in Yale University’s Child Study Center and founding di…

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Mood Meter: The Ruler Method from Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence

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Mood Meter: The Ruler Method from Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence

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Copy of Mood Meter by Marc Brackett .png

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Mood meter for Young Readers and Gifted Language Learners

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Mood meter for Young Readers and Gifted Language Learners

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Building Emotional Intelligence: Practices to Cultivate Inner Resilience in Children

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Shared via Kindle. Description: Note: This book includes a spoken-word audio CD, which is not available with the digital ebook edition. What’s the most important piece of your child’s educational experience? If you think it’s math, science, or reading, you ...

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We're sorry. This preview is not currently available on this browser. In the meantime, you can read on one of these supported web browsers:

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Normal Children Have Problems, Too: How Parents Can Understand and Help

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Shared via Kindle. Description: Lack of friends * poor self-image * sibling rivalry * hyperactivity * sadness and fearfulness * eating problems * nervous habits * aggressive behavior * defiance * sleep problems * lying * learning disabilities. . . Even norm...

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MindUP for Adults: Self-Care and Well-Being

This short course was developed with a focus on helping all adults (parents, administrators, educators, community members) develop knowledge and skills to support their personal well-being. It introduces the research and science on stress management and well-being and provides simple strategies to help manage stress and support mental well-being across many areas of life-including work, home, and beyond.

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MindUP for Adults: Self-Care and Well-Being - MindUP

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This short course was developed with a focus on helping all adults (parents, administrators, educators, community members) develop knowledge and skills to support their personal well-being. It introduces the research and science on stress management and well-being and provides simple strategies to help manage stress and support mental well-being across many areas of life-including work, home, and beyond.

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​​Community Resources
The Illinois Department of Human Services has launched a support line called Call4Calm that is reachable via text. Individuals who want to speak with a mental health professional can text the word "TALK" or "HABLAR" (for Spanish speakers) to 552-020. Within 24 hours, that individual will receive a call from a mental health professional employed by a local community health center.

People can also text other terms, like "unemployment" or "food" or "shelter" to the same number to receive information on how to navigate and access supports and services. Call4Calm is free, and individuals who use it can remain anonymous. We encourage you to share this resource with your students, families, and staff.

Confidential 24-hour Sexual Assault Hotline Confidential 24-hour Domestic Violence Hotline 2022-2023 Community Counseling Resources

Pillars Community Health Resources during COVID-19 Crisis
(708.482.9600)
(708.485.5254)

Free telephone counseling

Legal advocacy

Undisclosed violence shelter

All services available in English, Spanish & Arabic.

Suicide Prevention Lifeline
(800) 273-TALK (800-273-8255) or (800) SUICIDE (800-784-7433)
Crisis Text Line
Text HOME to 741741 to reach a counselor.

National Alliance on Mental Health Information Line
(800) 950-NAMI (6264)

Alcohol and Drug Helpline
(800) 821-4357

CDC Coronavirus Page
www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/index.html

Symptoms

Caring for yourself and others

Daily life and coping

Podcasts

World Health Organization
https://www.who.int/

Statistics

Information on scams

Technical guidance

Research

Illinois Department of Public Health
www.dph.illinois.gov/topics-services/...

Statistics

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Executive Orders and rules

National Alliance on Mental Health
nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/March-2020/...
Mental health guidance and ideas

COVID 19 Mental Health Resource Hub
psychhub.com/covid-19
Resources and videos from a variety of mental health agencies

Illinois Mental Health Collaborative
www.illinoismentalhealthcollaborative.com/consumers/...
Miscellaneous resources and information

Rosecrance Resources
How do we provide help and support during a time of uncertainty where many are sheltering in place? Rosecrance is now offering a variety of virtual substance abuse and mental health services. For more information about these services, highlighted below, please contact our Access team by calling 888-928-5278.
Virtual Assessments
Call our Access team at 888-928-5278 for guidance on how to complete an assessment over the phone so we can build the right treatment plan for you or your loved one. Click here for more information.
​
Prevention and Early Intervention Program
The Rosecrance Prevention and Early Intervention Program is an evidence-based alcohol and drug education program (Too Good for Drugs and Violence) designed to provide education, support and direction to teens and their families who may be at risk of more serious involvement with alcohol and other drugs.

Intensive Outpatient Programs
Adults and teens can receive treatment while staying in their home environment while learning new coping skills to achieve and sustain abstinence. For more information about all our programs, click here for teens and here for adults.

Parent Café
The Rosecrance Parent Café is a free, virtual support group for parents who have a teen or young adult struggling with addiction. Offered twice weekly, the group is led by an addictions counselor who facilitates discussion with other parents going through similar experiences. Click here for more information about the Parent Café.

Support for Families: Intervention
Rosecrance can help you and your family set boundaries and work toward detaching from the illness with compassion. Treatment and support options through Rosecrance are also offered with the hope that the client is willing to accept help. Sandi Lybert, Interventionist, and member of the Rosecrance Team is available for virtual interventions.

For information about our virtual services, please contact our Access team by calling 888-928-5278.

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​​Community Resources The Illinois Department of Human Services has launched a support line called Call4Calm that is reachable via text. Individuals who want to speak with a mental health professional can text the word "TALK" or "HABLAR" (for Spanish speakers) to 552-020.

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Inner Explorer Home Mindfulness App (Free!)

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Inner Explorer Home Mindfulness App (Free!)

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Mindfulness activities specific to the age of your child!

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Mindfulness App for Families | Inner Explorer

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Download Inner Explorer's HOME app to practice mindfulness at home.

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10 Percent Happier Podcast with Dan Harris

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10 Percent Happier Podcast with Dan Harris

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The TPH Podcast with Dan Harris - Ten Percent Happier

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Tune in to the Ten Percent Happier podcast with Dan Harris for interviews with meditators, scientists, and authors on meditating, mental health, and much more.

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Find free resources to support growth and practice.

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Spirituality The Art of Holding Space Matt Kahn - June 23, 2022 Matt Kahn is a spiritual teacher and highly attuned empathic healer who has become a YouTube sensation with his healing and often humorous videos. More than 20 million YouTube... Listen Now The Michael Singer Podcast S2 E5: Look into the Lake of Life [...]

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You work hard in a high-stress job. You fight traffic to pick your kids up from daycare, school or sports. Then you go from chauffeur to chef at home.

It's no wonder toddler tantrums or teenage rebellion can push a parent over the edge.

Learning to manage stress can give you the patience, energy and perspective to be the parent you want to be. And it will pay dividends for your health and ability to function well.

Here, our pediatric experts share some tips on managing stress for parents:

Try not to bring stress home

It isn't easy, but separating work life from home life is important, says pediatrician J. Michael Wertman, MD.

Try talking briefly to a friend, spouse or coworker to help defuse stress before you leave work.

Imagine putting your problems in a box to compartmentalize them. This can help redirect your energy to your home life and children.

"On the drive home, be aware of how you're feeling," he suggests. "Is traffic increasing your stress? If so, try to 'chill.' Take a deep breath, play music."

There's nothing better than coming home to a warm welcome from your kids and family. "If not, find your child and get a hug," he says.

Seek opportunities for fun

Choose activities to do with your kids that make you happy. "You'll feel better about yourself and will deal better with your kids," says Dr. Wertman.

Love sports? Coach or cheer for your child's team (but avoid making everything a win-lose situation).

Are you a bookworm? Read to your kids, then discuss the book. "It's an opportunity to be positive, to encourage and to enjoy a unique closeness," he notes.

"My biggest joy was always looking for the laughter and finding the smile. If that happened, I considered my day a success."

Remember to relax and recharge

Take time for yourself every day.

"Even if it's just an hour in the evening after the kids go to bed, it's really important to have time to 'reset' as a parent," says pediatric nurse practitioner Crista Zufan, CNP. "I find reading in the evening a great way to decompress and relieve stress."

You probably know what works for you. "Whether it's yoga, meditation, reading a book, playing cards, watching TV or playing sports, try to incorporate it into your day," says Dr. Wertman.

At day's end, "get a good night's sleep," advises pediatrician Svetlana Pomeranets, MD. Equally important is keeping kids on a routine schedule, especially for bedtime.

Ask for backup when you need it

Feel overwhelmed at times? Don't be afraid to ask your family or your spouse for help. Trying to be "supermom" or "superdad" is a recipe for stress, and your kids will benefit from your reaching out.

"You'll make better decisions, you'll be a better listener, and you'll enjoy interacting more with your children," says Dr. Pomeranets. "You'll be less tempted to yell and more likely to model proper behavior for them."

Find yourself feeling excessively and continuously worried? Talk to your healthcare provider, she says.

Connect with fellow parents

"Form connections with families whose kids are similar in age to relate to others in the same boat," suggests Dr. Pomeranets. "You'll find you're not alone."

This helps to normalize any feelings of stress, explains Ms. Zufan. "Talking with other parents lets me know that everyone goes through similar stressors," she says.

Take a break from it all

When did you last truly connect with your partner? Plan to get away from your everyday routine.

"Make time to do things on your own, as a couple," says Ms. Zufan. "A 'date night' once a month can help to keep your marriage strong and alleviate stress."

Plan a getaway or vacation for your family, too. "I schedule time off when my kids have school breaks, so we can enjoy our time together," says Dr. Pomeranets.

Keep your life well-balanced

Avoid overscheduling yourself every day and on weekends, says Dr. Pomeranets. Signing kids up for too many extracurriculars can stress them out - and the extra time, coordination and driving required kicks up the pressure on parents.

Also, every balanced life should include physical activity. The fact that working out and playing sports are great stress-relievers is icing on the cake.

"You can exercise in your own basement - you don't need a gym," says Dr. Pomeranets. "I try to do a little every day."

The best reason of all to manage your stress is a simple one: "It allows you to feel the joy of parenting," she says.

The more you experience good times and happy interactions with your kids, the easier it will be to handle bed-wetting, sibling rivalry and other parenting challenges with grace.

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Ready to Snap? 7 Tips for Stressed-Out Parents

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You work hard in a high-stress job. You fight traffic to pick your kids up from daycare, school or sports. Then you go from chauffeur to chef at home. It's no wonder toddler tantrums or teenage rebellion can push a parent over the edge.

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Practicing Social and Emotional Learning at home

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Practicing Social and Emotional Learning at home

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57 Open-Ended Questions to Ask Teen Boys & Girls _ Thought Provoking Conversation Starters.pdf

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Does your teen seem completely unmotivated? For parents of teens, the refrains of, "Whatever," and "I don't care," can become all too familiar. In this interview, teenage behavior expert Josh Shipp explains where your child's motivation really lies-and how you can tap into it.

Q. What should parents do when their child seems to be unmotivated?

I think that most-if not all-kids are motivated in some way. But I think there has to be a reason for the motivation. What most kids need is a "why."

Kids always want to know, "Why am I doing this? Why is this history project important to me?" And the answer from you can't be, "Because I told you so." The answer can't even necessarily be "because this is your school work and it's your job."

There has to be something within your child that pushes him past the inconveniences, the shortcomings, and the hiccups that will, without question, arise when he undertakes something that's challenging. So it's important for kids to understand why they want to do something, not just that they have to do it.

If you're the parent of a teen, you know how much they like to debate and question things. Sometimes that's a pain, but I think it's actually okay to a point.

Here's something I've come to understand from personal experience as a teen. When they finally understand how something benefits them, they will do it long term. If the only reason your child does something is that it's important to you, that is short term motivation and that will end. The reason also needs to be important to your child, not just important to you.

If your daughter is making good grades only because she wants to make you happy, eventually that's going to end. She needs to have a personal reason WHY. Her personal reason can be that when you do a good job at something difficult, you have a sense of accomplishment. Feeling a sense of accomplishment is worth the effort it takes to experience it.

Related content: Motivating Underachievers: 9 Steps to Take When Your Child Says "I Don't Care"

Motivation also occurs when others genuinely depend on you. Here's an example from my own life. I'm part of a running group that meets every morning. Do I want to get up at 5 a.m. and run? Heck No! Why do I do it? Other people depend on me to be there. And that motivates me to get out of bed.

I think there's a sense of accountability that we as human beings have. Our default nature is that we will disappoint ourselves before we disappoint others. If it was just me, I assure you that I would hit the snooze button seven out of ten times.

But instead, I think, "I promised Steve I would be there and he'll give me a hard time if I don't show up." And secondly, it makes me feel good.

Also, most people don't drive to the gym and then stay in the parking lot and do nothing. The issue is that they never get in the car in the first place. Once you do something you have a sense of accomplishment. You feel good about it and it's worth it. It's just the getting started part that's hard. Inertia is tough to overcome.

Q. So what's a good way to explain what the "WHY" is and how your child is going to benefit from it?

Here's the place I would start. It's very unlikely that you have a kid that is 100 percent lazy and unmotivated. What's more likely is that in a few areas that drive you crazy as a parent, he's lazy and unmotivated.

This was true for me. As a kid, in certain periods of my life, I wasn't focused on my academics, but I was 100 percent committed to baseball. I would practice batting, throwing and catching for hours. Clearly, I had the ability to be disciplined and to work hard at something.

Related content: Motivating the Unmotivated Child

So what I would say is, find an area where your child is motivated. Where is she committed? Talk to her about that.

You can say:

"Why is it that you're so committed to softball?"

She might say, "Well, I think it's fun. I like it and my friends are on the team."

Then you can come back with:
"Okay, so how could you transfer that to these other things that are important in your life? How could you take some of that ambition you have and transfer that to your schoolwork, which is also important? Could you figure out a way to make your homework fun and involve your friends?"
Q. Why would a child want to do that? Why would she want to transfer her love of softball into doing a history project?"

That brings us back to the "why" of things. I think it's important to help your child understand why she needs history and school. So you can say:
"You may not love history, but you need history in order to graduate."
What you want to communicate to your child is that you have to do what you have to do so you can do what you want to do.

Find out what your child wants to do or become in the future. The average kid's ambition does require them to graduate high school. I'm not saying every kid needs to go to a four-year college. Some are better working with their hands or going to technical school, but you have to graduate high school. So you can say to your child:

"Look, history is one of those things that you have to do so you can do what you want to do. Maybe later you want to be a computer programmer. That's great, but you're going to need to go to college for that. At the very least you're going to need a high school degree."

It's the concept of "short-term sacrifice for long-term gain." I also tell teens that the issue isn't the piece of paper-the document that says "I graduated from Central High School." The issue is that no company wants to hire a quitter. And if you drop out or stop doing the work, you are categorizing yourself as a quitter. It's just not worth it.

Q. So what should you say if your child says that they hate math or they're not good at chemistry? How do you motivate them then?

I think it's okay for your kid to say, "I hate history. I'm not good at this." Those are fine things to express. We all have subjects that we gravitate towards a little more. That's not what you need to focus on. Instead, tell him:
"I understand that you don't like it, but how can you succeed at this?"
Maybe that means your child doesn't make an "A" in history, but he needs to at least do his best so he can graduate.

Again, to them, it's a valid feeling when they say, "I'm not good at this. This is hard. I hate history." In my opinion, a good response from you is:
"I have no problem with you hating history. But I do have a problem with you quitting tonight."
Q. Josh, what about kids who come across as lazy or unmotivated but really it's a self-esteem issue. Some kids worry a lot and just don't feel like they can do it.

Sometimes kids really are over-scheduled. It's pretty realistic that they would feel overwhelmed in that case. I think it's important for you to help your child make positive goals and then make sure the things that he or she is saying yes or no to match up with that.

Frankly, I think a lot of us (myself included) need to make "to don't" lists. We make so many "to do" lists in our lives, but sometimes they're just entirely too lengthy. I think we need to commit to not doing some things. It's freeing for kids to sit down and write out the things they don't need to do in their lives, and it also helps them narrow down what they need to focus on.

Q. Josh, what about procrastination? Do teens put things off because they're anxious about not being able to do something?

I think the issue here is that we often look at step ten, but we don't see step one. We think, "I have this big project due by next week." But that's step ten. How do you get there? You've got to do steps one through nine.

If your child is feeling overwhelmed, it is important to coach them, but don't do the work for them. Don't say, "You've got five things to do, let me do one of them for you."

When you do that, you're handicapping your kid. You're essentially letting them give up without letting them experience the guilt. And believe me, your child needs to experience that guilt and disappointment if he gives up.

What you can do is help him break it down. Lots of kids are visual, so you can say something like:

"All right, these are the four things you have to do this week, let's write these four things down. Let's look at your time. It looks like Tuesday would probably be the best day for you to do this. Does that sound good? You could do it Thursday afternoon after practice."

Just help them break it down. Most kids just lack a game plan. So this project that's actually quite small becomes an enormous beast in his mind. He starts thinking, "Oh my gosh, there's no way I can do this."

And so instead of actually doing his work or getting stuff done, your teen sits around agonizing about it. And then the deadline looms more and then he gets more and more freaked out.

My advice is, don't handicap your kids by doing things for them. Instead, empower them by helping them develop a plan for how to do it themselves.

Related content: 5 Ways to Help Kids Who Procrastinate

Q. What about kids who need help getting started? Would you recommend giving them help at ithe beginning of a project?

I think that's fine. What I would want to see, though, is my child asking for my help-not me shoving it upon him.

I think it's important to talk to kids about how they can creatively ask for help. Your child could run his project by a friend who's doing one of his own. He could go on the internet and look for ideas. He could ask you what you think about his project and how he's planning to go about doing it.

I want to see kids learning things here, like how to ask for help and use the resources that they have. I have no problem with a parent helping, but I think it's important for your child to learn how to ask for that help.

And I would say:

"I have no problem helping you out. I'm not going to do it for you, but let me know specifically what you would like help on."

This is how you can relieve pressure without doing it for your child. So making a plan, reading it over, giving feedback, critiquing their work-all are totally fine in my opinion.

I've met too many 17 year-olds who are still being babied. They need to get up off the couch and do it themselves. If they don't, then they're 19 and they go to college and they wonder why things are falling apart.

So we have to be careful as parents. I think you have to ask yourself, "Am I helping my kid to actually help my kid or am I helping my kid for my own ego?"

This is a question I love because it's sort of a punch in the gut. So, is it that I don't want to have the kid that gets an "F" on his book report? Is it that I don't want to look like an idiot or be embarrassed? Or is it that you want to help your child learn something?

Q. How do you motivate a child who has a self-esteem issue?

I'm not necessarily of the belief that you can motivate anybody. Motivation is something we have to choose.

People can say things that are motivational to us. We can experience things that are motivating. But whether or not we're motivated is up to us.

Every single day you wake up and you have that choice. Will I be my best or will I not? Not the best, but my best. Will I apply myself, will I try these difficult things?

One thing that you can do as a parent is to expose your kids to things that inspire them. Maybe your child does want to be a computer programmer and there's a computer programming convention in town. Take him to it. It may be the most boring thing in the world for you, but your child is totally going to nerd out and be all excited about it.

Use what your kid is into to motivate him. Maybe you know someone who's a computer programmer who would talk with your kid. Obviously, this person is going to say that there are certain things you've got to do to be successful in that field, certain sacrifices you have to make. They might say, "Yes, I love what I do, but there were certain goals I had to achieve to get here, like graduating from high school and going to college."

I personally find that when you surround yourself with people who are doing what you want to do, it inspires you. You realize that they're just people, they're not superhuman. They made mistakes and had some roadblocks but they kept going and they're doing what they love. It makes you think, "Wow, this is possible. If this guy did it, why can't I?"f

Sometimes the key is just knowing that someone else was able to achieve what you want to achieve. Encourage your kids to study their heroes' first steps. By the time someone becomes your kid's hero, they're on step eight, nine or ten.

So encourage them to read about how successful people got started. What were their first steps? How many times did they fail? Do they know that Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team? How many times did the publisher say no, we don't like your book? Study the first steps, not the end results.

Related content: Does Your Child Rely on Wishful Thinking? How to Motivate Him toward Attainable Goals

I think these sorts of things provide for better motivation than trying to come up with the perfect sentence or the exact right thing to say to your child to get them to do what you want them to do.

Q. Josh, you tell parents that it's not effective to lecture children and teens. What should you do or say?

So much of the time we're focused on what our teens shouldn't be doing and the things they did wrong. But I think it's important to compliment your child on things you've noticed them doing well.

Catch your teen doing something good. Say something to them even if it's as simple as, "I noticed that you opened the door for that lady" Or "I saw you take some time out and play catch with your little brother. Nice job."

It's not effective to nag your kids. If you've taken on that role, understand that any time a project approaches, your child is going to assume by default that you are not there as a supporter, but as a nag and a nuisance.

Let's face it, all of us want to quit things sometimes. We think to ourselves, "This is really hard. I don't know if I can do it."

But how would you feel if every time you were working on something difficult, a friend walked into the room and said, "Hey, you're not finished yet? What's holding you up? You should be done by now. I don't think you're doing it the right way." You'd just tune him out. And you really don't want to become that person to your child.

Related content: Irresponsible Children: Why Nagging and Lecturing Don't Work

We don't want our kids to give up and quit when they face challenges. But we don't want to label them as "quitters" or "lazy" either. That's not helpful. Just focus on the behavior and ask pointed questions that bring your child to a specific solution.

Q. What kinds of questions work best, in your opinion?

I would start with questions like:

"Why are you having a hard time with this? What's going on?"

And really listen to what your child has to say. Another good thing to ask is:

"What can I do to relieve some of the pressure?"

Make it clear that you're not going to do the work for your kids, but let them know that you can help. Maybe your daughter was supposed to babysit over the weekend, but she needs more time to finish a big project. In this instance, you might try to find someone else to babysit in her place. You can say:
"Clearly you're pretty worried about your project. I want to see you succeed. What can I do to relieve some stress?"
It's also good to get your kids to see things long term. I don't mean to lecture them, just make sure they have an incentive. Again, this goes back to talking to your kids about doing what you have to do so you can do what you want to do.

I think it's good to ask your child what tools he needs to succeed. I've found in my own life that there are certain days when I'm just energetic. These are days when I have lots of ideas and feel motivated.

When I look back on those days, I find patterns: I have time to exercise, some time to myself, and time with my family and friends. The bottom line is that you should look back at a time where you succeeded and then try to duplicate that environment.

Sit down and talk with your child about his best environment and the tools he needs to succeed. When I speak with kids, I always tell them, "Put yourself in a position to win."

Maybe it helps your child to get up every 20 minutes and take a short break, then go back to work. That can often be a useful technique because then he's not feeling like, "Oh, I'm going to be sitting here for eight hours straight studying."

So encourage your child to give himself rewards if that's what he needs. Again, you're helping him without doing it for him.

I think the best thing that you can do is be involved in your kid's life. Know what's going on-and then help him make a plan to reach his goals. If he has a plan, then he can tackle it one step at a time and the goal doesn't seem like this big, scary beast.

Q. What if you see your child starting to slack off a little on a project and you start to worry that he's not going to finish on time. Is there anything you should step in and do at that point?

I think it's best to let teens figure it out for themselves unless there's a fire. As a parent, you obviously need to put out fires. But if it's just a short-term inconvenience, I believe they need to figure it out for themselves.

If your child doesn't hand in his project on time and gets a bad grade, that's a natural consequence. Let it happen.

Certainly, there should be guidelines and rules at home around expectations and responsibilities. But if your child doesn't complete his work, he needs to experience the consequences of that lack of follow-through himself.

Q. Josh, a lot of parents say that their kids play video games all the time and avoid doing work. What would you say about that?

I think you can use video gaming to your advantage as a parent. Frankly, I believe video games in moderation can be a good thing. They teach kids critical thinking skills, how to respond quickly, and make decisions. I think you can say:

"I know you have this big project due and you're stressed out. Maybe we can set up a plan where you work on this for an hour, then you get 20 minutes to ease your mind, have a little fun, and play some video games. Then you get back to work. We'll try it for a while and see if it works."

The bottom line is, I think you should use whatever works the best-and use the things your child enjoys to motivate your child.

Remember, discouragement arrives before defeat. That's why encouragement is one of the most important things you can do for your kid. When people stay discouraged, defeat is inevitable. It's all about your mental fitness.

Q. Some kids bite off more than they can chew and end up doing too many activities. Is it OK to let your child quit a few things if they're feeling stressed and overwhelmed?

Often in high school, the activities are cyclical. If my child signed up for too many activities, I personally wouldn't want him to quit the team. Rather, I would want him to stick it out and then not sign up again. Once you allow the idea of quitting to enter into your child's mind as an option or possibility, it becomes dangerous.

I'd rather be on the offense as a parent. Before your child is signing up for activities, sit down with him and look at what he has on his plate. I can understand why parents might want to say, "Maybe you should drop out of a few things" when they see their kid feeling overwhelmed. In an effort to relieve some pressure, parents might say, "Well maybe you should quit the softball team."

But I think it's better to not join these activities in the first place. See if there is a way to encourage your child to finish out his commitments if at all possible. I think it's important to live by the following guideline: "My word and my commitment should be my word and my commitment regardless of whether or not it's convenient for me."

On the surface, something like quitting the softball team doesn't seem to be a big deal. But you want your child to have the goal of following through on their commitments. If your child has really overbooked herself and signed up for the school play, the basketball team, and yearbook committee, she is probably doing too much.

Try to problem solve with her on how to fulfill all those commitments. It might be a tough six months, but it's going to teach her a valuable lesson in commitment and persistence.

Here's a good rule of thumb: begin with the end in mind. Tell your child before she signs up for things to think about what it will do for her semester or for her school year. Remember, you're always saying "no" to something. If you say "yes" to too many activities, you're saying "no" to time with your friends, time with your family, and time for yourself.

And this is a big thing with teenagers because they don't want to upset anybody. Even teens who are a little bit insecure usually don't want to rock the boat. So they over-commit themselves. I think it's fine for them to choose not to do activities. I don't care if they say no, but I do care if they give up.

Q. Josh, some kids give up easily because they feel that everyone else is better-that they'll never be the best. What would you say to them?

I tell kids is that it isn't about who's the best, it's about who does the work and is dedicated. I think you need to be careful about complimenting your child and simply saying things like "You're so smart," because it's a relative term. It's much better to encourage and compliment them on how hard they worked. Ultimately, that's what matters.

So as a parent, I think it's important to know what your kid's goals are because then you can use that as a tool to motivate them. Your child's goals may be really good and realistic. Or they may be really bizarre. If they are bizarre, I don't think you should criticize them because at least they're dreaming about something.

With teens, I think it's best to remind them of things they themselves have said. To a certain degree, you're allowing them to co-author certain things. It's effective for you as a parent to say:
"Remember your goal is to become a computer programmer. But let's be honest, you're not going to be able to pull that off if you don't have a high school degree, at least."
Another thing I would say to kids is, "It's not how talented you are that matters, it's how dedicated you are that counts." Everybody is talented in some way. Most people are smart. So what? But if you're dedicated, you can do amazing things.

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How to Motivate Teenagers | Empowering Parents

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Does your teen seem completely unmotivated? For parents of teens, the refrains of, "Whatever," and "I don't care," can become all too familiar. In this interview, teenage behavior expert Josh Shipp explains where your child's motivation really lies-and how you can tap into it. I think that most-if not all-kids are motivated in some way.

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If you're the parent or carer of a teenager facing exam time, knowing how to help them access practical ways to reduce the distractions is important. When you understand some easy ways help them stay on track, it makes a huge difference to their state of mind - and, potentially, their exam results.

Back when we were young enough to be involved in our own studies, the distractions were still there - remember television? - but today's modern life means that there are even more things to get in your teen's way. To make it even more complicated, the distractions tempting your teen away from their exam revision are even more invasive. But don't worry. You can take positive action to minimise distraction and help your teenager resist the temptation of technology - and help them achieve their best possible study results.

Try these top tips to help them stay focused and develop better study habits:

1. Understand Energy Levels for Better Focus

Studies show that people are most likely to maintain their peak focus for an average of 1-2 hours a day.

Understanding energy patterns is key. For most people, the best time to focus is in the late morning. For a smaller percentage of the population, that focus burst happens best late at night. Understanding the way your teenager works best can help you avoid lots of frustrating arguments. If night-time is their most productive period, don't fight it - by helping them create a schedule that reflects their preference, you'll be helping them get one step closer to study success.

For great mental and physical health, breaking study into bite-sized chunks of 20-minute study blocks is recommended. Encourage your teenager to set a study goal, focus on it, then reward themselves with a mini-break and something to get their body moving, before getting stuck into another study session.

2. Brain Training To Ignore Distractions - As Easy As ABC

To help ignore distractions, some brain training can make a big difference. The ABC technique is a proven method that many people find useful.
A is for awareness - the recognition of what the distraction is.
B stands for breathing deeply - time to slow down and think about your options.
C is for choice. By choosing mindfully, the distraction can be dealt with - either by responding to it in some way or dismissing it.

One positive way to encourage your teenager to train their brain is for them to use the phrase 'be here now', out loud, whenever they become aware that their mind is wandering. Each time distraction creeps in, the phrase can be repeated again.

It's a form of meditation that can get great results for some people but others might find it challenging. If your teenager finds that it doesn't work for them, don't push it. Trying too hard to empty their mind and not feeling the results can become its own kind of stress. Best to find another way to beat distraction that does hit the mark.

3. Know the Difference Between Work and Relaxation

One of the main reasons that students are easily distracted during study time is that there is often almost no difference between the space where they do homework and the space where they relax.

If your teenager is in the habit of studying on the couch, or in bed, it might be more difficult for them to feel focused on work.

If it's possible, set up a dedicated study space that they only use for their exam studies. It will help them have set boundaries and make it easier to avoid distractions. If you only have their bedroom to work with, look at doing a temporary refurbishment to set it up in a way that helps them stay focused on exam study. Using corkboards, or wall planners, with clear study schedules and 'to-do' lists they can tick off at the end of each day can help them keep their mind in work mode.

4. Limit Access to Mobile Phones and Devices

If your teenager owns a smartphone, you'll understand how distracting it can be. By the time they get interrupted with alerts from Facebook, Snapchat, and WhatsApp, study time has been impacted badly.

At the start of each study session, they should put their phone on silent - and preferably out of sight. Encourage them to take it one step further by storing it in another room during their study session.

5. Turn Off Internet Access

Before study starts, turning off internet access is another smart way to minimise distractions. No more Youtube videos of kittens, or social media alerts. Consider using apps and plugins that block specific social media sites or websites to minimise distractions.

6. Headphones Can Help

Even if your teenager's study environment is not particularly noisy, it's amazing how much noise-cancelling headphones can do to reduce the audio clutter of distracting household sounds, including washing machines humming, or other family members talking. For some teenagers, though, silence can be deafening and they work better with music. Encourage them to choose their music wisely - music with lyrics can be a huge distraction, especially if they are working on writing-related tasks. Research shows that listening to instrumental music can improve concentration, so talk about this with them in the weeks before exam preparation gets down to serious business to help them find a soundtrack that helps them tackle their studies in a positive way.

7. Everything At Their Fingertips

Making a checklist of everything they need on hand for an effective study session is a good starting point. Depending on the subjects they're studying, this might include pens, pencils, rubbers, rulers, scrap paper, paperclips, post-it notes and coloured highlighters. In terms of looking after their own bodies, they should have cool, fresh water and some easy snacks to nibble on (dried fruit and nuts, or chopped fresh fruit are good options).

By going through the checklist at the start of every study session, they'll have everything handy to help them get stuck into a focused burst of exam preparation.

Remember, every teenager is different. Some welcome tips and strategies from their parents, while others prefer to find their own way. Find the balance your teen needs to offer the right amount of help without taking over.

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7 ways to help your teen avoid study distractions - ReachOut Parents

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If you're the parent or carer of a teenager facing exam time, knowing how to help them access practical ways to reduce the distractions is important. When you understand some easy ways help them stay on track, it makes a huge difference to their state of mind - and, potentially, their exam results.

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By the time your child reaches high school, you may think it's too late to instill some basic organizational skills. It's not! It's more important than ever now especially if your child plans to attend college. Not to mention that being organized is an important work skill. Use these tips to help your child get organized for high school.

Gone are the days when your child comes home yelling "Guess what happened to me, Mom!" More likely, they'll walk in the door and head straight to their room without saying much. If you're like most parents of high school students (especially boys), you probably find out about things either very last-minute or after the fact.

A weekly meeting can get you in the loop without smothering your child. Sunday evenings are a great family meeting time for you to go over things like:

Everyone should bring their planners or calendars. If they don't own one, be sure to get them one. Work your way through each day asking what everyone has scheduled for work, practices, games, and before and after-school activities. Next, determine transportation needs. Does your child have a ride to each event on their calendar or will you need to provide transportation on one or more days?

The review school-related things. Are any projects due or big tests scheduled? Does your child have all the necessary tools or supplies?

Lastly, cover their social calendar. Do they want to go to the Friday night football game, go to the movies with friends or have a birthday party to attend? If so, discuss the needs for each event like transportation, does your child need anything like a special outfit washed or dry cleaned, or a gift. Then fit the preparation items into your calendar.

While these weekly meetings will be important to you as you juggle both work and family responsibilities, their true value is teaching your child to think and plan ahead. That's a skill that will come in handy for years to come.

Your child lives out of their backpack all week, just like you do your purse. At the end of your weekly meeting take time to empty out both of your bags together. By doing so you're leading by example that's it good to start the week off with a fresh start.

Just like your purse has many compartments kids backpacks have them, too. Make it a point to clean out every little pocket. Dirty tissues and gum wrappers have a knack for getting stuck in small spaces.

Many teenagers seem predisposed to procrastination. While this will drive some of you Type A parents crazy but resist the urge to micromanage. Here are some ways to encourage your child to stop procrastinating.

Don't try to have a rational conversation about procrastination with your child when they are in the middle of getting something done at the last minute. Tempers will flare and nothing productive will result.

Instead, discuss the situation at a later time. Ask your child to explain the circumstances that led to the last minute crunch. Looking back, is there anything they would have done differently? With that action plan, help them figure out how can they apply it to their next project or test so they'll avoid procrastinating again.

Many children never really learn how to study and it catches up with them in high school. Many schools and tutoring clubs offer study skills classes designed to teach your child how to study efficiently and effectively. Consider enrolling your child in one of these courses. It's an investment with long-term dividends.

By high school, you should have a clear understanding of your child's capabilities. Clearly tell your child what you expect in terms of grades and test scores based on these capabilities. Some parents even put them in a written academic contract between them and the student.

Whether you communicate your expectations verbally or in writing, you should also include the consequences if expectations are not met. Decide with your children what the consequences will be like eliminating extracurricular activities, no weekend social events, or loss of phone or gaming privileges.

When it comes to time management and organization, one of the best lessons you can teach your child is personal responsibility and the understanding that there are consequences for every decision.

It's 9 p.m. and your child comes running into your room holding a dirty uniform they need for tomorrow's big game. What do you do? If these situations rarely happen, you can wash it. But if they are a common occurrence, resist bailing out your kid.

If you do bail them out, you are reinforcing your child's disorganized habits. You are also sending the message that it doesn't matter if you are organized or not; it all works out in the end. You won't be there in college, and you certainly won't be there when they get their first post-college job.

That doesn't mean you need to be stern about this. Express sympathy for the predicament and show interest in your child's ideas for solving the problem. You may find that they can get out of the jam without your help. That's a great way to build confidence and life skills.

They have a planner but what other organizational needs do they have? Having a different color folder for each subject can help them grab the right paperwork quickly. Sticky notes for quick messages, sticky tabs to mark important reference material in a book, or sticky dots to help prioritize their workload.

If they need to store notes for a long amount of time introduce them to three-ring binders, their own three-hole puncher, and tabs. Another option is finding an accordion file to organize loose papers.

Also, get them their own timer, watch, or show them how to use the timer on their phone. We know the importance of taking breaks during our work day and the same can be taught to your teenager. Show them how a quick 15-minute break may help them overcome writer's block or help solve that hard math problem.

You could also teach them how to use highlighters or colored pens for note-taking. Not only is this great for finding information quickly, but adding a bit of creativity to learning is fun! If you want to get more creative to give them their own whiteboard. You probably use one (or two) to keep track of lists so why not give them one to do the same thing!

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How Parents Can Help Their Teen Get Organized for School Success

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By the time your child reaches high school, you may think it's too late to instill some basic organizational skills. It's not! It's more important than ever now especially if your child plans to attend college. Not to mention that being organized is an important work skill.

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2024 Parent Teacher Conferences Parent Partnership Series

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The benefits of social and emotional learning (SEL) are well-researched, with evidence demonstrating that an education that promotes SEL yields positive

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Free Tool for EVERYONE TO CONNECT AND DIRECT!

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Free Tool for EVERYONE TO CONNECT AND DIRECT!

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How we feel is a tool that is a free-app and full of what we need to develop self-awareness and self-management skills for our ever changing emotions.

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The How We Feel Project is a non-profit working to help everyone better understand their own emotions.

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Which words do YOU value most?

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The message above was sent home to students with more than 5 absences. Please reply with an answer to the following questions:

What information would students and families need to better understand the importance of attendance?

What do YOU think that should look like?

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Copy of Corr-Parents Attendance Message - October 2024

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Student Interviews and Thoughts about Growth Mindset

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Student Interviews and Thoughts about Growth Mindset

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Worth the listen!!!

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What makes families and students feel safe so we can learn? 

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What makes families and students feel safe so we can learn? 

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Please respond with ideas and thoughts:

1. How possible is it for us to change our outcomes in terms of:

1. Ability

2. Effort

2. What would help students in this area? What do you suggest?

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feedback is important because it shows what you need to grow on and there for it’ll help you achieve at a higher level

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Feedback is important because without it there is no growth or motivation. Without feedback, students can feel lost and unseen.

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Need Help Talking With Teens?

Spoiler alert: It's what you know that counts. Until recently, the message to parents about setting and monitoring limits focused on asking a lot of questions. Who are you going to be with? Where are you going? When will you be home? The who, what, where, when, and whys we asked were the hallmarks of caring, active, involved parents. But the strategy didn't work as well as hoped. Over time we've realized the essential ingredient for successfully talking with teens: It's not what we ask - it's what we know.

Young people are supposed to test limits and even occasionally stray beyond the lines to see what is out there. It's our job as parents to keep them safe by setting clear and appropriate boundaries and holding vital discussions about being their best selves. We must be the voice in their heads helping them maintain good judgment. We've got to parent in ways that make our children want to share their experiences.

Effective Monitoring

Asking too many questions can feel controlling and may lead to lies. You could guarantee knowing what is going on if you just placed a microchip in your kid. You could put a GPS tracker on the car. You could use technology to track your teen's phone. You could follow their texting, social media, and computer usage. But if you rely on these strategies alone, you must accept that a savvy 10-year-old can run circles around most adults with technology. (Full disclosure: a 4-year-old can outwit me!) You must also recognize that you may make your teens feel like you don't trust them. Or, that you are trying to control them.

Effective monitoring is about being the kind of parent whose teen chooses to share what's going on in their life. We want our children to know they can count on us to look out for them. To understand we are a safety check - so that they can stretch without straying too far. We need to build the kind of relationship where being honest makes sense. The way we listen, tells teens they are free to talk. Controlling our reactions, tells them they can talk without fear of being judged.

7 Essential Communication Strategies

1) Control Reactions

The first step in effectively monitoring teens is to learn to monitor our reactions. When parents serve as sounding boards - listening deeply and offering guidance when asked - young people learn to bounce ideas off of us. They allow us to help them consider how things might play out. And to support them to make decisions. On the other hand, when we react strongly, they stop telling us things they think will make us uncomfortable or angry.

2) Be a Good Listener

Adolescents crave adult attention (even though they sometimes push us away). Good listening is respectful. It is about giving someone full attention. Listening, and then reflecting on what you heard can help teens become aware of their own wisdom. Listening respectfully and without judgment does not mean you necessarily agree with what is being said. It is about creating a zone of safety - free from interruption, interrogation, or reaction. Parents who listen know what is going on in their teens' lives and can protect them when necessary. They can steer their teens away from trouble and learn about areas where limits need to be set. They know when their teens are ready to expand their limits.

One of the best ways to actively listen is to check-in and reflect on what was said. Try, "I think I heard you say ______________" or "Would I be correct to think you meant ______________" or "I was following you up until ________________, could you explain what you meant after that?" This listening style is really about being an active sounding board. Someone that makes sure young people are guided to clarify their own thoughts.

Effective monitoring is about being the kind of parent whose teen chooses to share what's going on in their life.

3) React Little

Just as active listening enables you to monitor your teens, reacting to what they say shuts down communication. When we quickly judge, share our concerns, or make accusations, our teens stop talking. When we try to solve their problems, they stop sharing. Non-reaction is the name of the game. Remain calm and aim to listen first.

4) Turn Off the Parent Alarm

The parent alarm screams "My child is in trouble!" It makes parents jump to the rescue before the sentence is completed. Too often we try to rescue our teens by controlling them. "Mom, I met this girl..." immediately translates into "You're too young to date!" That could have been an opportunity to talk about healthy sexuality - but not anymore. "Dad, what would you say if a friend wants you to get drunk with him?" turns into "I knew it, Zach is a terrible influence on you. Find other friends!" This parent threw away a golden opportunity to discuss navigating peer pressure and the danger of mind-altering substances.

5) Don't Catastrophize

When teens talk about things that concern us, our natural instinct is to go on full alert. Everything becomes a potential catastrophe that must be solved. "Mom, Dad, I might get a C- in history this quarter" is met with "No son of mine is going to fail!" or "You'll never get into college!" Unfortunately, these parents won't hear about grades because their teens won't want to deal with the drama.

6) Avoid Over-Empathizing

Parents prevent further sharing when they over-empathize and take on their children's pain as their own. "Mom, I had a huge fight with Teresa. I hate her!" "I don't blame you! I never liked her. She didn't treat you well! I can't stand her mother either." Here's the problem. The next day, Teresa is back to being her best friend. But this parent may never know because she took sides. His or her daughter may be too embarrassed to share the fact that her viewpoint and friendship has changed once again.

7) Offer Constructive Feedback

Even subtle messages can have a big impact. Adolescents have incredibly strong sensors that pick up on criticism easily. Their fear of disappointing us, or of being judged by us, may limit further communication. In routine conversations, we can unintentionally minimize, belittle, or shame. "My teacher thinks I may never learn my lines in time for the show. I think she's right." If this is met with, "What does he know?" or "Don't worry you'll be the star!" or "Don't cry. It's really not that bad," the parent may unintentionally limit the teens' willingness to share the feedback received from others in the future.

Adolescents still have a desire to please us. However, they are particularly sensitive to our reactions and may stop talking to spare our feelings. They also may shut down if they sense we are trying to control them. On the other hand, they crave our guidance. When our feedback is about helping them shape their own ideas, they will gain resilience and share more often.

The Good News

The fact that listening without reaction is the key to monitoring is a good thing for parents. Many people struggle to find the perfect words. This frees parents from the unrealistic pressure to always have a solution at hand. It's liberating to see young people as the experts in their own lives and to understand our role is to harness their wisdom. Sometimes that wisdom is not on the surface, but it is there ready to be tapped into and then shaped by us.

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Essential strategies for talking with teens.