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my blood

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my ribs

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my teeth

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my skin

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my heart

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my nerves

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my lungs

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(like some grotesque puzzle)

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are splayed before me

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(what is wrong with me)

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i will find out what is wrong with them

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when all my nerves, my teeth, my blood, my skin, my guts, my ribs, my heart

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that, maybe one day

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over, over, and over again

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i dissect myself

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and so,

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why i was this

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why i looked like this

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why i felt like this

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all to try and understand why

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pulling my skin back from my teeth, lifting the ribs surrounding my heart and lungs

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i'd dissect myself over, and over again

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she let me keep the scalpel, but i've lost it since

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they were mushy and brown (not appealing)

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i had dissected some sheep's brains in my mother's lab once

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at least, not in school

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i'd never done a dissection before

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my guts