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https://monq.com/eo/health-wellness/healthy-relationships-personal-wellness/
"A healthy relationship has been defined as feeling safe in communicating feelings, listening to each other, and feeling a sense of value throughout the relationship. With this in mind, a healthy relationship can exist provided you feel safe in talking about anything with your spouse, partner, family, friends, etc"

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Make sure you want to commit to that person before tying the knot. Date that person for a while to get to know how they act when they are mad or when they are drunk or going through something to see how they treat you. Don’t be afriad to leave relationship if warning signs appear.

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when you get legally married you get benefits that can get you discounts on things and you can be on the same insurance and share taxes

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It’s beneficial because their is family bonding going on. There is more stability not just for the parents but the kids as well. What they parents lack in sexual intimacy they make up for it with parental love. Their is reduced tension between each other since you have others looking up to you.

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A parenting marriage, sometimes called platonic marriage, is an alternative to traditional divorce arrangements that develops out of love and dedication to a couple's children. While there is no longer a romantic relationship or a sense of couplehood between two parents, there remains a strong sense of parenthood. Two people who aren't in love and are moving on in their personal lives live in the same house to act as a team for their kids. A parenting marriage is similar to a partnership or business arrangement with healthy, happy, well-adjusted kids as the positive outcome.

The love and support from a parenting marriage can come in other arrangements. When many couples divorce, they no longer live together but do co-parent together. Is living together in a parenting marriage healthy for children? It has pros and cons. We'll look at both so you can begin to decide if this type of arrangement is right for you, your former spouse, and your children.

Benefits of a Parenting Marriage

For some people, a parenting marriage is an excellent fit for their family. What this new relationship lacks in romantic and sexual intimacy, it makes up for in parental love.

This deliberately forged family relationship can be quite healthy for children. Kids can blossom because of:

Continued family bonding

Activities are done with both parents present

Consistency

Stability

Reduced tension between the parents

Equal affection from both parents together

Kindness and respect between parents (and an end to strained, conflicted interactions)

The ability to have one home, one that feels like theirs as opposed to "mom's house" and "dad's house"

Divorce and physical separation can be hard on kids. A parenting marriage can avoid these pitfalls:

Difficulty adjusting to seeing only one parent at a time

Parental difficulty spending an entire day or days without seeing their kids, a struggle that can make kids feel guilty or otherwise upset

Effects of single-parent stress can be felt by kids

When a married couple stops loving each other, it's hard on parents and kids alike. For some families, creating a parenting marriage is the best option. In these cases, this arrangement is positive and healthy for kids.

Platonic marriages aren't right for everyone, however. Some people find more drawbacks than benefits.

Parenting Marriages Aren't for Everyone

Even when parents dedicate themselves to creating a cohesive, supportive home for their kids, they still will experience conflicts and difficulties. Living together, but emotionally and physically distant, can cause negative feelings and thoughts that interfere in positive family interactions.

It can also be a challenge for parents to watch each other move on, building a life with different friends and eventually dating. Children watch and listen to everything, and they can pick up on the tension. Some parents don't want to subject themselves or their children to this; therefore, they decide that a parenting marriage is the wrong arrangement for them.

Parenting marriages are unhealthy in other ways, too. Sometimes the most well-meaning parents find it nearly impossible to keep negative feelings out of the way. Even subtle tension that continues to creep in can harm kids in multiple ways:

Decreased academic performance

Increased behavior problems

Feeling trapped, anxious, and guilty if parents inadvertently create an emotional tug-of-war to win the status of the favorite parent

Risk of anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem when they must become the peacekeeper of the family (and find that it doesn't work)

Trying to maintain a parenting marriage, if it isn't right for you, can damage both parents' and children's mental health.

If you're intrigued by the benefits of a platonic marriage and want to avoid the drawbacks, the following tips can help guide you in building a healthy parenting partnership.

Tips for Creating a Successful Parenting Marriage

Building a parenting marriage that works for you and your kids takes planning, work, and the joined effort of both parents. If you're successful in planning, your likelihood of success is high. Use these tips to build a strong foundation for your home and family:

Discuss and plan all aspects of your arrangements, including values, parental goals, parenting style, discipline, financial responsibilities, and more

Establish ongoing open, honest communication

Formally agree to give each other the freedom to pursue other relationships

Consider working with a couples or family therapist to keep yourselves and new relationship healthy

When your plan is established, have an open discussion with your kids so they understand the family dynamic and continue to trust you.

A parenting marriage can be mentally healthy for children when you establish open communication among family members. Approach interactions as a unified team. Finally, keep in mind your ultimate purpose: the wellbeing of your children enhanced by having both parents present in one place every day.
article references

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Is a Parenting Marriage Healthy for Your Children?

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A parenting marriage, sometimes called platonic marriage, is an alternative to traditional divorce arrangements that develops out of love and dedication to a couple's children. While there is no longer a romantic relationship or a sense of couplehood between two parents, there remains a strong sense of parenthood.

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It says there is only a 20% of domestic violence in all marriages. It still isn’t good but it could be a lot higher and make a lot of people not want to get married

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https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10902-018-0009-9https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10902-018-0009-9 married people are healthier and live longer than unmarried people. The happier the marriage the healthier the people are inside of it. Also, general happiness contributes to happiness in marriage which in turn benefits health one longevity.

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If you are married you get 50% of your partner's PIA (primary insurance amount). This means that, between the two of you, the higher amount of benefits is what you both get. So you get more benefits if you are married.

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The article says that children with married parents tend to be more successful in school and their careers later on in life. It also says that it's that the qualities that enable successful marriages also make good parents.

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To have a married couple parent a child together means the child will be healthier and more nurtured than those without married parents. It opens the opportunity for college, roll models, and healthier relationships. The children that grow up with married parents are also more likely to be married themselves.

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As of 2004, 68% of children lived with two married parents ("Family Structure and Children's Living Arrangements," Federal Interagency Forum on Child and Family Statistics, http://childstats.gov/amchildren05/pop6.asp).

In 2004, 23% of children lived with only their mothers, 5% lived with only their fathers, and 4% lived with neither of their parents ( ibid.).

Only 45% of all teenage children live with their married biological parents ("The Positive Effects of Marriage: A Book of Charts," Patrick Fagan, www.heritage.org/Research /Features/Marriage/index.cfm).

Children in single-parent families comprise 27% of all American children, yet they account for 62% of all poor children ( ibid.).

The three most significant reasons children are raised without their married mother and father are unwed pregnancy, cohabitation, and divorce ("The State of Our Unions: The Social Health of Marriage in America 2006," David Popenoe and Barbara Whitehead, National Marriage Project, http://marriage.rutgers.edu. Print version, p.33).

Social Science on the Benefits that Marriage Provides to Children

Children raised in intact married families are more likely to attend college, are physically and emotionally healthier, are less likely to be physically or sexually abused, less likely to use drugs or alcohol and to commit delinquent behaviors, have a decreased risk of divorcing when they get married, are less likely to become pregnant/impregnate someone as a teenager, and are less likely to be raised in poverty ("Why Marriage Matters: 26 Conclusions from the Social Sciences," Bradford Wilcox, Institute for American Values, www.americanvalues.org/html/r-wmm.html).

Children receive gender-specific support from having a mother and a father. Research shows that particular roles of mothers (e.g., to nurture) and fathers (e.g., to discipline), as well as complex biologically rooted interactions, are important for the development of boys and girls ("Marriage and the Public Good: Ten Principles," 2006, www.princetonprinciples.org).

A child living with a single mother is fourteen times more likely to suffer serious physical abuse than is a child living with married biological parents. A child whose mother cohabits with a man other than the child's father is thirty-three times more likely to suffer serious physical child abuse (Fagan).

In married families, about one-third of adolescents are sexually active. However, for teenagers in stepfamilies, cohabiting households, divorced families, and those with single unwed parents, the percentage rises above one-half (Fagan).

Growing up outside an intact marriage increases the chance that children themselves will divorce or become unwed parents (Wilcox and "Marriage and the Public Good: Ten Principles").* Children of divorce experience lasting tension as a result of the increasing differences in their parents' values and ideas. At a young age, they must make mature decisions regarding their beliefs and values. Children of so-called "good divorces" fared worse emotionally than children who grew up in an unhappy but "low-conflict" marriage ("Ten Findings from a National Study on the Moral and Spiritual Lives of Children of Divorce," Elizabeth Marquardt, www.betweentwoworlds.org).

Church Teaching and Pastoral Response

There are two inseparable ends of marriage: the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of children. The education of children in faith, love, and wisdom is a vital task of married parental love (Catechism of the Catholic Church 2249; Gaudium et Spes, 50).

At the 2006 World Meeting of Families, Pope Benedict XVI emphasized that the love of a mother and father provides security for children and educates them about the beauty of faithful and eternal love. www.vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/speeches/2006/july/documents/hf_benxvi_spe_20060708_incontro-festivo_en.html

Pope John Paul II spoke of parents as co-creators and educators, highlighting the fundamental example of self-giving love and personal communion that married parents supply to their children. Married parents present children with their first experiences of the love of God and the Church. (Familiaris Consortio, 36-38)

The U.S. Bishops have addressed the value of married parents for children's well-being and Christian formation: "...[W]e support and applaud the often heroic efforts of single-parent families. We also emphasize the value of parents staying together and sacrificing to raise children. Children generally do best when they have the love and support - personal and material - of both their parents" ("Putting Children and Families First: A Challenge for Our Church, Nation, and World," 1991).

The U.S. Bishops have pointed out that a committed marriage is the foundation of a family, "It strengthens all the members, provides best for the needs of children, and causes the church of the home to be an effective sign of Christ in the world" ("Follow the Way of Love," 1994). Nearly a decade later the bishops reaffirmed this point, stating that the stable, loving relationship of a mother and father "present only in marriage" provides the best conditions for raising children ("Between Man and Woman: Questions and Answers about Marriage and Same-Sex Unions," 2003)

Conclusion

Social science research shows clear advantages when children are raised by two married parents. This does not diminish the exemplary efforts of many single parents, whose "courage and determination" the U.S. Bishops recognize in "Follow the Way of Love" (p. 10). It does, however, encourage pastoral leaders to promote loving, faithful, and committed marriages as the best gift that parents can give to their children.

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As of 2004, 68% of children lived with two married parents ("Family Structure and Children's Living Arrangements," Federal Interagency Forum on Child and Family Statistics, http://childstats.gov/amchildren05/pop6.asp). In 2004, 23% of children lived with only their mothers, 5% lived with only their fathers, and 4% lived with neither of their parents ( ibid.).

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under studies among participants

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It lists things about how people can live longer in a happy marriage. You will create personal growth in a happy marriage. It shows personal goals in the long outcome of marriage.

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Rebecca
there are a bunch of financial and mentally good

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You save a bundle on taxes

The lower-earning spouse can be a “tax shelter,” keeping the couple in a lower tax bracket and saving both partners money come tax time. Couples filing jointly will generally be in a lower tax bracket than single filers, even if only one spouse is bringing in income.

Money Under 30 › financial-benefit...

https://www.moneyunder30.com/financial-benefits-of-marriage#you-save-a-bundle-on-taxes

Basically this article is saying that it’s better for the one making the less money for them to be the tax shelter. It also says the IRS lets couples take a standard deduction that’s twice as high as the single-filer deduction. So it kind of compliments each other, marriage with wages and wealth is pretty good.

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https://www.reducingtherisk.org.uk/cms/

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http://marripedia.org/effects.of.marriage.on.mental.health#anxiety_and_stress

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https://www.foryourmarriage.org/domestic-violence/

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https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hide-and-seek/201706/are-married-people-healthier?amp

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https://www.clasp.org/sites/default/files/public/resources-and-publications/states/0086.pdf

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https://www.moneyunder30.com/financial-benefits-of-marriage#you-save-a-bundle-on-taxes

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https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/theory-knowledge/201302/happiness-versus-well-being%3famp

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This article discusses different ways couples can achieve a happy marriage. Marriages are not always going to be perfect and there may be times your unhappy. This gives great advice on how to push through the harder times and come out stronger and happier together.

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All that dancing and laughter- weddings are a lot of fun, but being married isn't always a piece of cake. (Sometimes it's more like the frosting chunk that went up your nose during the smash-good intentions, but wrong outcome.) There's actually a lot of work that goes into living "happily ever after," so whether you've been married for years or just tied the knot, we asked the experts what couples can do to have a happy marriage. Follow their helpful tips for a stronger, healthier and yes...more blissful bond.

First of all, even happy couples argue.

No marriage is happy all of the time. "Like all relationships, there are ups and downs," says psychologist Erica MacGregor. But when you do fight, happy marriages listen to each other's point of view, recognize when the argument is going off the rails, and make the necessary repairs, she says. In fact, Dr. Juliana Morris, a family and couples therapist, says that some of the happiest couples she has worked with "have weathered hard times." So if you and your spouse sometimes argue, or are going through a rough patch, this does not necessarily mean you are in an unhappy marriage. In fact, it probably means you're normal.

Focus on each other's strengths.

It's not always easy to see past minor annoyances, and at times you may even hate your partner. But to have a happy marriage you have to accept your partner's strengths and weaknesses and be able to set realistic expectations, says Ellen Chute, LMSW. For example, if you're better with numbers, don't get angry when they misbalance the checkbook. Instead, make it your job to set the budget. If their strength is cooking, they can manage meal planning instead. "Using our strengths on a daily basis is associated with greater well-being," says Suzann Pileggi Pawelski, co-author of the book book Happy Together, which she wrote with her husband James Pawelski, PhD. "And when we help our partner use their strengths we experience more relational satisfaction," she says.

Don't expect your partner to complete you.

Reality check: Jerry Maguire is a movie character. When he announced "You complete me," it sure was romantic-but it doesn't fly in the real world. According to Pawelski, If you rely on your spouse to fulfill you, it can lead to an over-dependent relationship where you are not growing as individuals. Instead, couples in healthy relationships should "complement," not "complete" one-another, she says. "We should be secure, mature, and whole in ourselves while being open to the other person." So make sure you nurture your own interests and desires-take a class you're interested in, make plans with friends -instead of waiting for your spouse to fill in the void.

But still, do things together. And have fun together.

While it's important to not fully depend on your partner in order to maintain a happy marriage, it's also necessary to share common experiences. "Injecting new activities and interests into your relationship can strengthen the bond," says Pawelski.

When couples share a unique passion, or learn a skill together-such as take a cooking class, or tennis lessons-they evolve together. According to Morris, "Happy couples have a zest for life with each other. Whether it's a love of travel, a strong desire to build a family together, or a dedication to a common cause, these experiences enrich their relationship."

Choose to be attracted to you spouse.

You get to decide if you think your partner is hot? Believe it or not, yes. "Attraction to your spouse is a decision that you have the power to make throughout your marriage," says Sunny McMillan, certified life coach, radio host, and author of . She recommends practicing "attraction thoughts." To do this, she says, focus on the attributes you're most drawn to, like your spouse's great legs or the way they parent your kids (it doesn't have to be physical). The good news is that your spouse doesn't have to be a cover model for you to feel attracted. According to Chute, "Happy marriages are based on a sense of connection," she says. "Physical attraction is far deeper than looks."

Laugh with each other.

Life is stressful, so it helps if you can find lightness even when you're in the thick of it. "Typically when a couple has humor, it means they have perspective," says Morris who recommends couples find laughter in both good and bad times. She says that she has noticed that couples in happy marriages have an ease around each other. Whether it's through little inside jokes, a silly unexpected text, or even just watching your favorite comedy together, connecting with your spouse with laughter can increase your bond, she says.

Be kind to one another.

"It's so important to be respectful and understanding of your spouse," says MacGregor. "If you are critical and judgmental it usually ends in defensiveness and resentment." So to keep things happy within the marriage, avoid attacking your partner's character when you're upset. For example, she says, don't say "you're such a slob! You never clean up your dishes." Instead, try saying something like, "Because I made dinner, I'd really appreciate if you could do the dishes tonight." See how much nicer that sounds?

Celebrate small, good, moments.

"Most of us know that it's important to be there for our partner during the tough times," says Pawelski. But, she says, it's just as important to acknowledge the good times, too. She says that good things actually happen more often than bad, but couples often miss those opportunities to connect. So the next time your spouse shares something positive-like a compliment from their boss, "Immediately stop what you are doing and focus your full attention," she says. "Help them savor the moment by asking questions and actively celebrating the good news." In doing so, you'll show gratitude for the happy moments in your marriage.

Appreciate each other.

When you're with someone all the time, it's easy to take them for granted, but according to MacGregor, you should verbally express your appreciation every day. Whether you're calling positive attention to something thoughtful they've done, or letting them know something you like about them, "We all need to feel appreciated and reinforced for the things we are doing right," says MacGregor. For example, if your spouse makes you coffee in the morning, tell them it started your day with a smile. "If we don't feel valued we may become resentful and grow apart."

Accept and expect change.

Pawelski believes that to be truly happy in marriage, couples must be willing to grow and adapt. "Our needs are always changing, people are growing, and relationships evolve," she says. "So what we need today may not be what we need years from now." Morris agrees: "It's crucial to bend, flex, and pivot with each other in a balanced dance," she says. Because in successful marriages, each person supports the other so that they can grow to become the best person they can be, and that means maturing as individuals and together as a team. Until death do you part.

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All that dancing and laughter- weddings are a lot of fun, but being married isn't always a piece of cake. (Sometimes it's more like the frosting chunk that went up your nose during the smash-good intentions, but wrong outcome.)

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This discusses the many types of domestic violence that occurs in relationships and signs to look for. Although it reports only 20% in marriages, it's important to know a lot goes unreported. This article also offers resources for help if needed.

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Domestic violence is very common in American families. In almost 20 percent of all marriages and intimate partnerships, couples slap, shove, hit, or otherwise assault each other. Emotional abuse-verbal threats, humiliating or degrading remarks, and controlling behavior-is even more common. If you or someone you love is in an abusive relationship, help is available.

Intimate partner violence is especially common among young couples, and, without intervention, may escalate in intensity or frequency. Relationships are challenging, and some couples deal with conflict by becoming aggressive, controlling and mean. Abuse can begin with subtle actions. For example, otherwise happy couples might lose their tempers, or one might become possessive or critical. This may get ignored or downplayed, but small acts of aggression often lead to more damaging behavior. Sometimes abuse gradually develops into severe violence after couples are marriage or in long-term relationships that are difficult to change. Couples frequently excuse or ignore early aggressive incidents and believe that once current stressors end, the violence will end. However, even minor acts of violence can escalate over time, increasing the risk of injury or even homicide.

There are many types of abusive behavior. One common pattern is distinguished by coercion and control. This can include jealousy, monitoring of behavior, retaliation, and emotional and physical abuse. Controlling abuse is usually called intimate terrorism, and over 90% of the perpetrators are male. In a typical case a husband might prevent a wife from seeing friends or family and make her feel guilty or afraid if she defies him. He may threaten harm against children if she tries to leave, or badger her incessantly to get what he wants.

Another type of violence is characterized by aggression, but little or no controlling behavior. This type, usually referred to as situational couple violence, occurs as disagreements escalate into physical actions such as pushing or slapping. This pattern is more likely to be mutual, and is equally perpetrated by men and women. Although this type of violence is generally less severe than intimate terrorism, it still can devastate a marriage, lead to criminal charges and injuries, and have long-term negative effects on children.

How can I get help?

Since domestic violence is a crime, one way to get help is to call the police. If you have been abused by your partner or are afraid for your safety, your first response needs to be to protect yourself and your children. You can also call the local Battered Women's Shelter Organization, community crisis line, or community mental health agency . Most communities have offender treatment, victim support services, and access to a shelter for you and your children.

If the violence has not escalated to the point that you are fearful, but you want to prevent destructive arguing from destroying your marriage or escalating to violence, there are a variety of options available to you. Most communities have anger management or men's treatment programs that can be found through mental health services. These programs provide skills to resolve conflict and handle anger without letting it escalate. Support groups for victims can also help you maintain a commitment to living in a nonviolent household.

In addition to anger management and victim's support groups, you may want to seek marital therapy if you are both committed to ending the violence and neither feels controlled or unsafe. Marital therapists work with couples to develop strategies for resolving conflict without violence. Make sure that your therapist knows about the violence in your relationship and has experience and training working with violence. Through domestic violence-focused marital treatment, couples can learn skills to eliminate violence, remain calm, resolve conflict, and improve relationships.

If you decide to leave a violent relationship, a marriage and family therapist can help you and your children deal with the changes in your lives and with the trauma you have each experienced. A therapist can also help you access strengths and coping skills to move forward.

What to do if a Friend or Family Member is in a Violent Relationship

If someone you care about is in a violent relationship, let them know you care for them regardless of their decision to stay or leave their partner. Women stay in violent relationships for many reasons, including the mistaken belief that they cannot make it on their own. Many battered women feel isolated and have no one to talk to with about the violence they are experiencing. Ask gently about any injuries or emotional upset you observe and listen without passing judgment. Find out about resources for battered women in your community. If your friend decides to go for help, you may need to accompany her. Although it may take many tries, most women eventually leave violent situations through the ongoing support of caring friends, family members and professionals.

Resources

HopeLine: Connects survivors of domestic violence to vital resources, funds organizations and protects the environment. Verizon collects no-longer-used wireless phones and accessories and turns them into support for domestic violence organizations nationwide. Through HopeLine, hundreds of thousands of phones have been donated and awarded millions of dollars in cash grants to partner agencies.

Find a woman's shelter in your area: A women's shelter is a place of temporary refuge and support for women escaping violent situations, such as rape, and domestic violence.

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Domestic violence is very common in American families. In almost 20 percent of all marriages and intimate partnerships, couples slap, shove, hit, or otherwise assault each other. Emotional abuse-verbal threats, humiliating or degrading remarks, and controlling behavior-is even more common. If you or someone you love is in an abusive relationship, help is available.

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People who are in a happy marriage tend to have better health and live longer than those that aren't. This article explains the results of a study done comparing happiness and tracking the subjects overall health.

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A Good Marriage May Help You Live Longer. Here's Why

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People in happy marriages had a 20% lower risk of dying early compared to people in unhappy marriages, a new study says.

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This article goes over how marriages can breakdown after having kids. It lists ways to be attentive to both your spouse and kids, so you don't end up distancing away from your partner.

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For most of us, bringing home our first child introduces a whole new kind of love into our lives. Holding that newborn baby for the first time, we know we'll do whatever it takes to keep them safe and warm and happy. Yet we soon discover that bringing that little one home presents many new challenges. The transition into parenting is a huge adjustment for any couple, and the changes can be tricky to navigate.If you're in the midst of raising children, you may not be feeling quite as close to your spouse as you did in the earlier years. Maybe you're even operating more like roommates or business partners than like husband and wife.Many couples experience this. We all know that parenting demands a lot of time and attention, especially when kids are young. And when you add that to the mix of work, household responsibilities, church, or other activities, you may feel that you don't have much energy left to focus on your spouse.

The problem is, when parents consistently neglect their own relationship, it negatively affects the whole family.

Why Is It Such a Big Deal?

The divorce rate among couples aged 55-64 has Though it may sound counterintuitive, keeping your marriage a high priority is ultimately better for the kids, too. In fact, maintaining a healthy marriage relationship is one of the best gifts you can give them.When they see the two of you relating to each other with love and respect, they will feel more secure. And, they'll be more likely to have healthy relationships in the future.Here are some ways to make your marriage a higher priority while you're raising kids: So maybe we're a little out of sync now, you may think. When the kids are older, we'll get it together. And when they move out, we'll have a lot more time to focus on us. But it's not always that simple. more than doubled since 1990, and relationship counselor Julia Hogan has observed one issue time and time again. "Couples will pour all their energy into raising their children, while neglecting each other in the process," she says. And after the kids are gone? "The spouses feel like strangers in the emptiness. They no longer have a united mission."

Send Them to Bed

Set regular bedtimes for the kids. And make them early enough so that you and your spouse have a little time to yourselves in the evening to reconnect.

Daily Check-in

Take a few minutes each day to check in with each other, maybe just after the kids have gone to bed. You could each share the high and low point of your day and discuss any upcoming plans.

Be Affectionate

Say "I love you" every day, in front of the kids. And hug and hold hands often-sure, the kids may make faces if you do, but secretly they'll be glad. You will be too.

Take Time to Be Physically Intimate

Sex is another great way to strengthen the bond between you. It's worth making time for, even if you have to schedule it to make sure it happens. Regular sexual intimacy can reduce friction from stress, bring a deep sense of security, and help the two of you feel more united.

Go on Dates

Make regular plans to leave the kids with a sitter and go out. Your date doesn't have to be expensive; it's the time together that counts. Take a walk, go for ice cream, or take in a high-school football game together. And try not to let the kids be your sole topic of conversation!

Pray Together

If you are people of faith, make it a daily habit to pray together-and not just at mealtimes. This one action can make an enormous difference in your relationship. Couples who pray together regularly say they feel more connected, which helps them work through tough issues. Take a few minutes to thank God for the blessings He's given your family, pray for each other, and ask for His help with any needs or concerns.

Set Boundaries with the Kids

We want our kids to know we love them, but good parenting doesn't mean catering to their every whim. A book like Boundaries with Kids may offer help in this area. The main thing is that children need to know they are loved, but that you and your spouse are the "captains of the ship," not them.

Make Decisions Together

Discuss important decisions together and listen to one another's opinions. Figure out how you want to approach parenting issues, and support each other within that system.

Discuss Tense Topics

Author David Code told Parents.com, "Many couples believe their marriage is strong because they rarely argue. But the real marriage killer is when we distance ourselves from our spouse to keep the peace: We throw ourselves into parenting or work to avoid dealing with issues that cause conflict."

Though it's not always easy, it's crucial to find time to sit down and calmly discuss any issues before they grow into larger problems. Otherwise, resentment will fester and create distance between you.

But Try Not to Sweat the Small Stuff

Ten years from now, will it really matter that much if she left the cap off the toothpaste or he left his dirty socks on the floor? Even though you're both busy and tired, try to let the small things go when you can. Or, at least discuss them at a time when you're both rested and calm.

Say Thank-You

Take time to let your spouse know you appreciate them. Even if it's just a simple "thank-you" for taking out the trash or cooking dinner, a little kindness can go a long way.

Find Activities You Can Enjoy Together

Maybe you and your spouse already share some interests or hobbies. If not, you may want to brainstorm and come up with something you'd enjoy pursuing together. It can even be a family activity, but it should be something you can enjoy even after the kids are grown and gone.

Dream Together about the Future

Spend time-maybe during some date nights-sharing your passions, aspirations, and dreams. Talk about individual desires and shared goals. Even if you don't have time or money to do something right now, create a plan to work toward a special trip or some other future goal. You'll find some fantastic conversation starters here.

During the challenging years of parenting, try to keep in mind that you and your spouse are a team. On days when you drive each other crazy, take time to stop and remember when you first dated. Remind yourself of the qualities you love about them.

You began this adventure called "marriage" with this person for a reason. If you both treat your relationship as the gift that it is, you'll reap the rewards for years to come.
Want more great marriage tips? Click to get our free guide, "7 Foolproof Ways to Build Exceptional Love."
More reading:
15 Terrific Date Night Ideas
Trusting God in Your Life and Marriage

About the Author

Marriage Dynamics Institute

Marriage Dynamics Institute (MDI) wants to cultivate healthy families, churches, and communities by helping create marriages full of joy, meaning, and purpose. Having served more than 75,000 couples since 1994, MDI offers workshops and seminars for marriages at every stage, including those in crisis.

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Balancing Marriage and Parenting - Marriage Dynamics Institute

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For most of us, bringing home our first child introduces a whole new kind of love into our lives. Holding that newborn baby for the first time, we know we'll do whatever it takes to keep them safe and warm and happy. Yet we soon discover that bringing that little one home presents many new challenges.

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Couples who get and stay married can have as much as four times the wealth of their single or divorced peers. There are many financial benefits to marriage if you work together to achieve financial stability.

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If your Valentine's Day plans include an engagement, congratulations! Besides romance, you also are more likely to experience financial joy - if your marriage works out.

Couples who get and stay married can have as much as four times the wealth of their single or divorced peers. Experts say that's not only because they can combine their salaries and share expenses once they get married.

Spouses are better off because of a combination of factors, starting with who is getting married these days.

"It's more educated, more affluent and also more religious Americans that tend to get married in the first place," said Bradford Wilcox, director of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia.

That gives them a starting advantage over their peers who aren't married.

Once they are married, the couples also are able to take advantage of economies of scale - anything from buying just one dishwasher to relying on one another's health insurance. That allows them to build wealth more quickly than their peers who are single, divorced or living together romantically.

"You have further advantages," said Pamela Smock, director of the Population Studies Center at the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor.

Smock said those advantages go beyond just sharing expenses. People who are married also are able to divide up responsibilities in financially beneficial ways.

For example, a married man may be able to work 12 hours a day to please his bosses and get promoted, because he and his wife can divide household duties so he can get ahead. That's not as much of an option for a single parent.

The economic advantages also tend to be greater for those who are married than for those who are living together romantically, said Jay Zagorsky, a research scientist at The Ohio State University who has studied wealth trends by marital status.

He said that while some people are in long-term, unmarried relationships, many cohabitating couples may not yet have committed to the idea that they will be together forever. That means they aren't combining resources as significantly as married couples.

"Many people are living together as a sort of trial," he said.
Are you struggling in the suburbs? We want to hear from you.
The wealth differences can be significant. Zagorsky's research has shown that people who got and stayed married each had about double the wealth of single people who never married. Together, the couple's wealth was four times that of a single person's.

Other data also shows that married people see stronger financial advantages than just a doubling of wealth. According to the Census Bureau, in 2010 the median net worth for a married couple between the ages of 55 and 64 was $261,405. That compares to $71,428 for a man heading a household, and $39,043 for a woman heading a household.

Of course, those major wealth effects are for marriages that worked out. Zagorsky's research found that those who got divorced tended to see their wealth fall dramatically, leaving them worse off than those who were single and had never married.

That's one reason that Zagorksy said it's important to marry for love, and hope it also will lead to money.

"Getting married and staying happily married is a wonderful way to increase your wealth," he said. "Getting married with the idea it will make you rich is a terrible idea."

The demographics of who gets divorced also play a role. Wilcox, of the National Marriage Project, said less wealthy people are more likely to get divorced, which may have to do with the stress caused by having very little money.

"More affluent and more educated Americans (are) not only more likely to get married, they're also less likely to get divorced," Wilcox said.

In general, government data shows that the divorce rate has stabilized in recent years, but the rate of people getting married also has fallen dramatically.

Smock noted that the idea of living together without getting married has lost its stigma, and having children without being married also is becoming commonplace.

But her research also offers another explanation for why less wealthy people aren't getting married.

Many of the men and women she's studied feel like they need to have some semblance of financial security to get married, such as a stable job or enough savings to hold an expensive wedding and reception. A surprising number of men and women also report wanting the man to have the type of job that makes him the primary breadwinner.

"Those people are more likely to be the privileged people," she said. "And the others, the less well off, are doing family in a different way."

Related: New tool shows whether you will have to pay Uncle Sam a 'marriage penalty'

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Why married people tend to be wealthier: It's complicated

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If your Valentine's Day plans include an engagement, congratulations! Besides romance, you also are more likely to experience financial joy - if your marriage works out.Couples who get and stay married can have as much as four times the wealth of their single or divorced peers.

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This article explains commitment in marriage. Why it's important, how it can get lost, and how to maintain it.

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One question that commenters often ask in response to any posts on this site regarding marriage, divorce, or adultery, is "why get married at all?" For instance, one recent commenter to an earlier post of mine on adultery wrote:
If I want to "be with" a man and he with me, why can't we just agree to be together and that's that? Why all of the vows, rings, stigma, government involvement and harsh rules? Marriage is a business. It's not about love or emotional connection...it's about feeling like you can rightfully own another person.
In other words (if I may paraphrase), why isn't love enough? Why do people have to make commitments in front of (take your pick) God, the state, family, friends, the community, and so forth?

This is a very good question, and one I struggled with for years myself, so let's take a deeper look. We'll discuss two aspects of commitment, positive and negative, and then two sources of it, external and internal. I argue that the bad rap that commitment and marriage all often get is due to the the combination of the negative aspect of commitment and the external source of it.

Commitment, in this sense, has two aspects, one negative and one positive. The one which commenters like the one quoted above criticize is the negative one, which focuses on constraints and rules. That is the "business" or contractual aspect of marriage, the "thou shalt nots" that get us into so much trouble when we decide "yes, we shall."

But there is an important but neglected positive aspect that explains why people voluntarily enter into commitments like marriage: it is way of expressing your love and devotion to another person. Not the only way, of course, but a well-established and particularly declarative way.

And these two aspects of commitment are, to a large extent, inseparable: the public declaration of devotion would not mean as much without the promised made therein. The fact that, in a traditional wedding ceremony, a couple stands up in front of the people who mean the most to them in the world and promise to love each other, support each other, and be true to each other, is what gives that public statement its force. It's also what makes it so heartbreaking, especially to those in attendance at the wedding, when those vows are broken (even if for good reason). And it can be safely assumed that no one would make such promises if not to express to the other person his or her devotion; we rarely make commitments for no reason. Rather, the commitments are the expression of love and devotion.

Now what I imagine happens with many if not most couples is that they start out emphasizing the positive aspect of the marriage commitment, and then over time the focus shifts to the negative. They take their mutual love and devotion for granted as the passion and lust fade, and the rules and constraints take center stage-and these rules and constraints end up seeming all the more binding and unfair in comparison.

This is where the sources of commitment come in. When a couple first declares their love and devotion to each other, and makes that commitment, it comes from their hearts-they want to make those promises voluntarily in expression of their love. In other words, the source of that commitment is internal. Even during the wedding ceremony, I doubt it seems like the priest, rabbi, justice of the peace, or Elvis is shackling the couple with the wedding vows-they want to make them. When the commitment is voluntarily, the positive aspect gets all the emphasis, and the negative hardly seems important. After all, why would I ever want to desert, ignore, or be disloyal to this fantastic person who I'm completely in love with? Perish the thought...

...until later on, when the bloom falls from the rose. Now the promises do not seem so voluntary, the ring seems heavier, and marriage seems more like the list of "thou shalt nots." At this point, commitment seems externally coerced, a institutional legacy of the foolishness of youth that only now made be paid for. This is even more true for marriages that did not start so rosy, that were somewhat contrived of forced by circumstances from the beginning. But even the mostly glorious, romantic marriages can decline over time, and one or both partners may start to resent the promises they once made so freely.

So when partners forget why they said their vows and made their promises in the first place, their meaning is lost, and only the ball and chain remains. One way to avoid this, obviously, is to not forget, to keep the love alive, to celebrate what brought you together in the first place. Then the rules won't seem as important, and the voluntariness of them will almost make them irrelevant-in a sense, the marriage begins anew. (There are many posts by other bloggers here that offer recommendations how to do exactly this.)

I think part of blame for the excessive emphasis on the negative aspect of commitment must also be laid on the contractual nature of marriage (with its historical roots in exchange of property rather than affection). Commercial entities commit themselves to certain actions contractually to elicit certain benefits; the constraints are a means to an end, and something they would avoid if it were at all possible. But as I explained above, the marital promises are part and parcel of the expression of love and devotion; the partners want to make these promises because they reinforce to each other their love. Thinking of marriage as just a contract makes this point harder to see, and invites cynicism and skepticism.

But isn't commitment counterproductive? If your partner is forced to be faithful, how can you know he or she is being faithful out of love rather than out of obedience or fear of reprisal? This is another product of the external or contractual view of commitment that emphasizes the constraints over what they express. If indeed your partner must be induced to be faithful, then no, he or she is not truly faithful, and if your partner were truly faithful, the rules and constraints would not matter. So, in a sense, external commitment does reduce its expressive value, that's true.

But... no one is perfect. Few people imagine (or at least admit to themselves) on their wedding day that they will ever be tempted to cheat on their beloved, but we know all too well that many do cheat (and presumably more are tempted). This is exactly where the external view of the marital promise has its value: when human weakness is at play. Even the most devoted partner may be tempted, and he or she may not be strong enough to resist without the commitment (and some aren't strong enough even with it). As the legal philosopher H.L.A. Hart explains in his classic book, The Concept of Law, it is in this way that laws bind even the best of us; when tempted to skirt the law, our respect for the law, if we hold to it internally, may keep us to the straight and narrow.

Basically, if commitments (like marriage) are freely chosen and adhered to, they won't seem like commitments at all, but they will still have all the meaning that commitments ideally have. But when we start thinking of our commitments only as commitments, and lose sight of the reason we made them, then the trouble starts.

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Why Get Married? The Value of Commitment

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One question that commenters often ask in response to any posts regarding marriage, divorce, or adultery, is "why get married at all?" Why isn't love enough? Why do people have to make commitments in front of (take your pick) God, the state, family, friend, the community, etc.?