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How is your thesis coming for your outside reading paper?

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How is your thesis coming for your outside reading paper?

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Check out these examples from a former class

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Emma Chaltron
3)  Joyce conveys the struggles of Gabriel's troubled life and help the audience to  understand what he goes through.
Kendal Valentine

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3) The picture of Gabriel's troubled life that is shown through imagery allows insight into how he copes from day to day.

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5) Gabriel's emotions are displayed by using detailed imagery to describe the room.  For example, the way Gabriel's wife slept and threw her clothes everywhere.
-be more specific and detailed/descriptive

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1) The audience understands what Gabriel is thinking and doing because the passage is written in third person omniscient.

Don't talk about the audience and be more descriptive.

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1.  Gabriel's  thinking and doing is understood because the passage is written in the third person omniscient.

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Sentence #4:  "His elusive word choice, such as “it hardly pained him now, “ elude to his extensive past trauma"

What is wrong with this sentence? -The sentence is slightly awkward, not mentioning the character who says it. It also repeats "elusive."

Re-write:  Gabriel's elusive structure of dialogue,  such as "It hardly pained him now," hints at his extensive past trauma.

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4.) Gabriel's elusive diction, such as, "it hardly pained him now," elude to his past trauma.

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3. Gabriel's traumatic past explains his detached emotion now.

Delete the author and the audience, do no include them in.

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2.) The main ideas of the short story are illustrated through the usage of imagery, point of view, and diction.

Note to self: Don't say main ideas. Explain what the main ideas are. what the what!?!

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#2: Imagery, point of view, and diction combine to show Gabriel's struggle with life.
Note: don't use the author, audience. What is it that Gabriel is thinking? Use adjectives in front of sentence.

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1. This passage is written in third person omniscient view which allows the audience to understand what Gabriel is thinking and doing.
Don't: say audience.
Do: What is he thinking? What is he doing?

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What I found wrong with the sentence was that it was vague about who they were referring to. The change adding Gabriel's name makes the statement more clear to the readers so they can understand.
4. Gabriel's elusive word choice, such as "it hardly pained him now," eludes to extensive past trauma.

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#5: Detailed imagery parallels Gabriel's emotions. For example, the woman's sleeping position and the clothes sprawled all over the room show his confusion

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5.) In utilizing (adj) imagery, immense detail of the way she slept, and how her clothes had been sprawled about the room is portrayed to convey the emotions the author possess. (what emotions)

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1.)  This passage is written in the third person omniscient point of view which allows the audience to understand what Gabriel is thinking and also, what he is doing.
Don't say: "The audience"
Add: what should the audience understand?? The way he is watching his sleeping wife. -What is he thinking? and what is he doing? ELABORATE.
Rewrite: This passage is written in the third omniscient point of view which helps elaborate Gabriel's thoughts about his sleeping wife as he describes the way she is sleeping.

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2. The use of  imagery, point of view, and diction shine light towards Gabriel's troubled past revealing essential information to the short story

explain what kind of imagery, point of view, and diction. __ imagery, __ point of view, and ___ diction reveals Gabriel's troubled past. Don't include the author or the audience.

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3.) Joyce paints Gabriel's troubled life to allow insight into what he must endure.
-Don't include the author
-explain what the what (what he must endure)
-be more specific

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2-
Rhetorical devices such as imagery, point of view, and diction in the passage combine together to formulate the main purpose in the short story.
DON'T SAY: Rhetorical devices.
WHAT is the main purpose? Be specific.
NEVER include "the author." Take the author out of it.

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1. The passage is written in third person omniscient which allows the audience to not only understand what Gabriel is thinking but also what he is doing.

2. Throughout the passage rhetorical devices imagery, point of view, and diction bring the main points of the short story together.

3. The picture Joyce paints of Gabriel’s indeed troubled life further gives insight into what he must go through.

4. His elusive word choice, such as “it hardly pained him now, “ elude to his extensive past trauma.

5. The author uses imagery to describe his emotions.  He uses this by describing in immense detail, the way she slept and how her clothes were sprawled all throughout the room.

What is wrong with these sentences?
How can they be re-worked?

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Note to self: When I use words such as society, relate that idea to a specific instance or character in the novel. There’s a reason that character is there, you just have to find out why.

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Note to Self: Note to self but smaller: When writing reflections or analysis, go to great extents to present the idea your presenting, yet stay shy with summary. Don't be afraid to use TIQA.

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Note to self: When using general terms, like society, go in depth with the story. Address who "society" would be in that novel/ story.

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Note to Self: Use TIQAC (will help with more analysis and less summary when writing)

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Note to self: Use TIQAC.  Go into depth when using general terms- don’t be vague. Have strong Analysis. Make point of writing clear.

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Note to self: speak to the text when discussing society. Give examples from the text rather than general examples.

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Note to self: don’t be vague and get to the point; say exactly what you mean and elaborate on that later. Use TIQAC to organize your thoughts better. Lastly, avoid mere summary of the novel, add in the analysis equally with summarization.

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Note to self: stay away from blanket terms like society or everyone, include who or what represents the universal message.

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Note to self: Omit unnecessary words: what's really important? What needs to be said in order to understand the essay? Take out the fluff and insert the important details-- don't be too general. Every detail ties together to make a universal theme.

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Note to self: try to avoid summary but show clear relationships between the novel and the point I am addressing. I need to provide evidence that supports the idea of the body paragraph but don't do this with summary. Less generalizations and more specifications.

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Note to self: Do not overstress one aspect of an analysis and do not be a Shakespeare when you're trying to identify a rhetoric

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Note to self: Do NOT be vague. Say who you are talking about or what you are talking about. Explain what you are talking about, but always stay concise.

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-never address the reader
-don't be vague-be specific and explain
-omit needless words/phrases
-refer back to TIQAC when necessary

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Note to self: use TIQAC it’ll help you organize your work better!

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Don’t talk about the reader.

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Note to self: Don't be vague and be sure to always write the specifics.

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Note to Self: Be specific to text and avoid using generalizations when writing. Also, make sure not to simply state the topic but explain and show where and how it is used in the text.

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Note to self: specify which scenes or important details in a novel you are discussing; don't be vague. Also use TIQA to formulate paragraphs because it will help reduce summary and strengthen analysis.

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1. Society’s search to bring rational to irrational situations shines through the disruptive behavior of Meursault and his willingness to take another man’s life.

2. Meursault tells the story in first person, this reveals charisma since the viewer goes through every situation how he takes it. Since he is the narrator, the reader shares eyes with him.  This means that by reading the tale through Meursault’s mind, the audience also watches his personality unveil.