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When I’m asked to write a non-fiction story, the easiest thing to do is think about an experience I have had directly. With that, most of my best memories and experiences have happened with my family, since they do live with me after all. So, I have certainly written many times regarding them. The TIS reading made me think about how I could be going into writing about my family. Normally in this situation, I would write what comes to mind but subconsciously be “safe” with my wording and hide the full story. Essentially, I’m telling the truth but telling it slant. However, the passage reads, that it “is your story to tell. Yours is not the only story or perspective on family or on community, but it is a perfectly valid voice among the chorus.” Later, it brings up a book that reminds us the difference between “my truth” and “the truth”. This makes me realize that it’s impossible to tell the whole story, but as long as I go into full depth of how I viewed it, I’ve done my part. On the other hand, if the other person in the story really doesn’t feel comfortable being mentioned, no matter what my relationship is with him or her, then I should not write. This isn’t a huge detour in the writing.

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"Always plenty of good food and wine."

My mother is nothing if not an accurate representation of the stereotypical jewish grandma. Whenever my I sit down for dinner it is as if the Obamas had just shown up and in front of me appears a 12 course meal.
Additionally, I can strongly relate to the aunt: "I'm going to bed' Although a simple line it is exactly how I feel after a small 5 minute discussion with my family about anything from the Kavanaugh case(needless to say my mom is republican and I am not) to how i'm going to be applying to one of my parents college suggestions.                                     "She knows this is not going to end soon. We are on our favorite topic, the incredible stupidity of our family."
As I am aware that every time my family is in a discussion not only does it not end well but it takes 3 hrs to conclude. Also, I think regardless of actually talking about the stupidity of our family there is always a discussion about someone doing something wrong and that being the worst of all time.
I believe all of these complex understandings of family simply discourage myself and others from wanting to write about family. it being the easiest and hardest thing to write about.

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The TIS reading gave me hope for my future writing about my family, not to be dramatic. I've always been worried about how I portray the people that I care about, especially my family, in writing. Usually, the experience of the reader is far removed from the experience of the writer. In other words, if I write something, and someone who reads it interprets in a way I don't like, I can't be there to defend myself. I've always been nervous that I might write something about a family member that gives a reader the wrong impression. I found hope in the emphasis in the reading on the validity and legitimacy of writing about one's own truth. Towards the end of the reading, I learned that if you write about your truth and you remain respectful, the subject of your work might even feel, as TIS puts it, "honored" to learn your truth as you truly see them. This is a really important thing to remember for me, because I don't have to worry about someone getting the wrong impression as long as I stick to my truth.

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The TIS reading made my emotions regarding writing about family, feel very valid. Something that I have struggled with in terms of writing about family members, is figuring out how much of the story is my story to tell. Already in this class, I've wanted to change or avoid talking about certain things because the people in these stories are real and I don't have their consent to share whatever I want about them in writing. The TIS reading goes in depth to explain that CNF writers have to deal with this question all the time. It gives a lot of advice that I find very helpful when trying to answer it. I particularly like the idea of describing the scene as a witness while keeping in mind that it's okay to share my truth. I also really appreciated the wisdom in the quote by Kim Barnes at the beginning of the chapter. It explains that we often assume that the people we write about will be mad at us if we talk about them honestly. But actually, they might feel honored.

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"...We argue with mouths full" (85).

I smiled when I read this line. Despite my family's disinclination to talk about politics at the dinner table (of all topics), I could immediately picture the situation in this sentence taking place in my own life, as my family and I love to argue when we eat dinner together. In addition, the characters described in the story fit some of my family members' personalities pretty closely. For example, I could picture myself being in the narrator's brother's shoes. Furthermore, leading up to the passage I chose, the narrator insinuates that the family is always excited to eat dinner because of the variety of foods on the table and the anticipation of sitting down as a family to spend quality time together, no matter how silly the conversations are. What I also find interesting in this passage and the very beginning of the story is how the reader cannot exactly tell how many people are actually having dinner together. Although the narrator says "the four of us at the table take turns uncorking new bottles", he also includes details like "'More bread,' somebody yells", which makes it seem like there may be people eating somewhere else. If I could ask the author of this piece one question, I would him why he made that choice.

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"I don't know if all large families indulge in such orgies  of self abuse, but we make a specialty of it. I don't think it's pretense either. I mean, it's not like we believe secretly we are really superior and this is just talk. Our family is a story of endless errors of judgement, of bad situations made even worse by bickering" (89).
As soon as I read this passage, it immediately reminded me of my own large family, and our annual Passover family seder.  Every year around this time, my family seems to reminisce on the obscure stories of different family members.  Everyone considers each member of the family to be their own special kind of crazy, and recounting stories of past mistakes, drunken comments and family events gone wrong.  Similarly to the family described in this passage, my family seems unsure if our usual chaos is just a staple of a large family or if we are truly a uniquely disorganized group. I think that Simic beautifully captures the disorder of a family that seems broken apart, but shares a deep appreciation for each other and their collective family unit.

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The TIS reading made me consider how family impacts our lives and how we write as well as how we sensor ourselves in writing. After reading it I feel that I really need to think about the effect that writing nonfiction has on the people I write about which is something I had not deeply considered before. I now want to keep in mind how to balance my one potential fears of hurting other through my writing while also telling the story’s and conveying the reality of these story’s that may impact others. I also found the idea that we can write about family more effectively by stepping back, and being more objective interesting, and helpful because its typically the opposite of what we automatically tend to do when focusing on family.

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The first thing that came to mind when I read "Dinner at Uncle Boris's" was a typical Bulanov family Thanksgiving dinner (we don't argue AS much). The constant flow of never-ending food intrigued me:

"...polished off a dozen smoked sausages and a couple loaves of bread."

"...coming in from the kitchen with the cake."

"...she brings back the cheese and cold cuts."

"How about a great bottle of wine?"

etc. The supply of food goes on and on. I really connected with this because when I go to dinner with my family, whether that is my uncle/cousin or my grandparents, we always overeat. Food comes, and comes, and comes. I think the way food serves as a catalyst that connects people throughout the story is powerful and interesting! Despite the political arguments that go on and Boris's horrific opera voice, everyone at the table is unified by food. On a different note, the family slowly gets more and more drunk as the evening goes on. I think this is an interesting writing conflict, as Boris and the rest of the narrator's family might not want the narrator writing and publishing a non-fiction story about their drunkenness.

P.S. I like this story because my father's name is Boris

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The TIS reading made me realize the importance of thinking about different perspectives when writing about family, or any interactions with people. Not focusing too much on your own role and thoughts when interacting with others, allows authors to paint a more vidid picture for the readers. In "Dinner at Uncle Boris" rather than writing about his thoughts on the experience and people at the dinner, Chris Simic writes a lot about Boris and the different actions of his family members around him. Though Chris Simic does state a few opinions, he mostly just writes about his family around him, and lets their actions and character traits do the explaining.

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The TIS reading was very interesting as it explained the role of family in creative nonfiction. The first passage and the author's reflections were very eye opening. I never realized how children describe themselves relating to the people in their lives. This fact has been very evident in my life as when I look back at my own writings from childhood, I find myself reading about my family members. I also find it interesting how the author says to write nonfiction pieces as biographies, rather than autobiographies, in order to fully delve into the lives of the people around me.

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The TIS reading has made me think about what small details I would use to describe a bigger picture in my family. I could use my dad's well-practiced routine as he takes his laptop out of his bag and puts it away again to talk about how he works everywhere he goes, even on vacation. I could use my mom's earplugs (and how she has a pair in the pocket of all of her coats, in the glove compartments of both cars, and in her purse) to talk about her concussion and the impact that had on her life and on the family. Overall it was interesting thinking about small details as a way to introduce a bigger topic.

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Bayla Cohen:                                   "I don't know if all large families indulge in such orgies  of self abuse, but we make a specialty of it... Our family is a story of endless errors of judgement, of bad situations made even worse by bickering." (p. 89)

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Bayla Cohen:                                   "I don't know if all large families indulge in such orgies  of self abuse, but we make a specialty of it... Our family is a story of endless errors of judgement, of bad situations made even worse by bickering." (p. 89)

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This passage presents a description of a major part of being in a family. Everyone can agree that a huge portion of time with one's family is spent bickering. Charles Simic captures just that. He speaks about the love he has for his family, but also the hard times they have gone through and annoying habits they have. In this passage in particular, He addressees the "orgies of self abuse," his family has while sitting around a dinner table. He words it in such a way to make his readers understand exactly what he is speaking about. Most people can relate to these types of dinner's, but it is hard to word it in such a way where people will understand it without already knowing and living through it. Writing about families in general can be challenging since there are so many different emotions involved, but I think Charle's describes his family beautifully.

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Write a brief paragraph-ish!

Think about the particular challenges of writing about family, as described in TIS and perhaps captured in or relevant to "Dinner at Uncle Boris's."

EITHER Post a brief passage from "Uncle Boris" which you find interesting and related to issues around writing about family, and share your thoughts on that passage. If a classmate already posted the passage you had in mind, add your thoughts below (or next to) theirs.

OR
Reflect on the TIS reading and what it has you thinking about with respect to your own writing.

After your initial post, you might opt to comment on additional passages or on the comments they inspired from classmates -- again, just start a note beneath the passage or comment you'd like to respond to.

To receive credit, be sure to use YOUR NAME as the title of your note.

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The Tell It Slant reading has me thinking a lot about how I can do justice to character of the people in my life without inserting my own biases into their descriptions. I think that for me, it might become difficult to separate my judgements of people in my life from the objective ways they act, considering that my own perception of people’s character can be skewed based on my relationship with them. Additionally, toward the end of the chapter, the author talked about not just writing for revenge or for letting out our emotion, rather writing for the sake of being a witness and creating community. This part really got me thinking about why I choose to write about the memories that I do. I think that I have just been writing about the first memories I can think of that have some sort of emotional charge for me. However, now, as I choose memories to write about, I want to first check to make sure I’m not just writing in order to vent my own emotions and I’ll think more about what impact these stories can have.

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"Is it true that one grows nostalgic even about the horrors as one grows old? Probably. I'm nostalgic about an August after-noon after the war...Munching the apples and chatting with the guard." (87)
This passage describes a family memory from a difficult time in a positive light. It can be hard to write about family, especially in such a horrible time period, but the author picks out a simple happy moment. Charles Simic isn't describing individuals in his family, but rather experiences him and his family have gone through that possibly make them feel connected or alike. He also brings up the idea of nostalgia relating to family memories. Maybe writing about nostalgia is a good way of writing about one's family in a positive light even if the subject is negative.