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There isn’t a claim and focus on to many things at once

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The claim or just the beginning of the paragraph started of very wrong. It starts to go in depth with evidence in the same sentence as the claim which is very wrong. The claim is not very strong and kinda misleading. The grammar is also an issue with a lowercase letter at the beginning of a sentence.

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The claim of the paragraph is too long and focus on multiple things at once instead of just one. It can be shortened down to one sentence by separating the beginning one. The evidence does go with what the claim is explains how Bianca actually acts around other people. Overall, there is too many ideas being introduced so the student just focus on topic. -Fernanda

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The claim is to descriptive and unclear. The information is choppy and doesn’t not give a clear viewpoint. The student does not explain or give examples on how Bianca acts differently with other men and her tutors.
Nicole

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If feel like the claim was weak and like they said one thing but wrote something else. She also explains it in like a weird way by calling her cocky and saying how she camouflage like she could’ve changed her word choice.

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The person writing this explains what they are trying to say without explaining it correctly. They state the opposite of what they are trying to say and never fully connect their evidence to their claim. If they connected their reasoning to their evidence and further explained the fact that bianca showed who she truly was then they should also find better word choice and state both sides of who bianca is.

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The analysis is confusing kinda and grammar is not fluent. AD

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The claim is to descriptive. It is unclear on what the writer specifically is talking about. This makes the evidence not that strong because the reader is unclear in what he/ she is supposed to be reading. -Amina

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The claim in the beggining doesn’t make much sense. Maybe clear it up by saying she acts one way around some and a different way story around others. I agree with your description of how she acts around her father and Katherine, but it’s not relevant in this paragraph, so I would delete that part. When describing Bianca’s words, you say that she is cocky, which gives the analysis a negative connotation. If that’s what you want, then good job. If not, you can say she’s strong willed.
(Counter argument: Bianca does obey societal rules because she tells the lower class (her tutors) what to do.)

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It’s very confusing and it contradicts itself first it says she is confident then it says she is cocky. The claim is wrong too cause she does feel confident around her father but she doesn’t get cocky.

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There is no claim. I also see as if there is an error within the first sentence. The writer starts off with saying she uses manners with people she doesn’t know fully, but then goes on to say that she shows her trueself  with people she has gotten to know, however not her sister or father. I think you may be trying to prove the point of Bianca having two personalities, but it’s much clearer in the end. Try putting your claim of Bianca being different with friends in the beginning to fix the organization.

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The grammar is not fluent, and the analysis is confusing with the quote

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The points for the claim keep changing, so I cannot tell which point you are talking about. The claim is not there, so the readers don’t know which points she’s referring too.

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The student does not have a good claim. There is not really strong evidence shown in the sample. E.A.K

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This student has a strong idea, but is missing a claim. I believe the student should add a claim about how Bianca’s behavior changes in public and private situations.

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The claim isn’t stated in the paragraph if they added the claim before the first sentence the paragraph would flow better. the evidence is weak so I think she could add an intro to the evidence so it could impact her writing more. Her analysis was okay but if she talked about how her personalities are different around different people

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The claim is a bit lengthy and could use less of the details on her behavior around people, save it for the analysis and state more so how her behavior connects with the question. At the end it’s good to restate the claim aswell

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The writer does not connect any evidence to a claim because there is no claim shown in the beginning. The writer should make a claim that can be connected to the evidence and the summary.
S.L.

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I think she can shorten the claim a bit like taking out how she starts acting after. You’re giving more of a summary then saying Bianca is a girl who has manners around others.