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What is wellbeing and why does it matter? What influence does wellbeing have on our lives, our ch...

What are the long-term benefits of positive emotions? We all enjoy feeling good but tend to be co...

How can public programs build wellbeing? Learn how an app for footie fans changed conversations a...

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Calming the Anxious Brain - with Dr Emma Woodward - NZIWR

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Bio Dr Emma Woodward has over 20 years' experience working with young people, schools and in the community as a child and educational psychologist. She is the Clinical Director of NZIWR, a mother to 3 energetic boys and is currently completing a Diploma in Positive Psychology and Wellbeing.

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Supporting Young People

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What is wellbeing and why does it matter? What influence does wellbeing have on our lives, our ch...

What are the long-term benefits of positive emotions? We all enjoy feeling good but tend to be co...

How can public programs build wellbeing? Learn how an app for footie fans changed conversations a...

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Real-time Resilience #2: Supporting Young People - NZIWR

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﻿ In this webinar NZIWR's clinical director, Dr Emma Woodward, talks to Dr Denise Quinlan about how to explain Level 4 self-isolation to young people and how to plan to support them during this period. We hope these resources will support you and those you care for during this period.

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"How to Build a Life" is a new column that aims to give you the tools you need to construct a life that feels whole and meaningful.

Jan Buchczik

It seems strange to launch a column on happiness during a pandemic. The timing is, well, awkward, isn't it?

Maybe not. We're stuck at home; our lives on COVID time have slowed to a near halt. This creates all sorts of obvious inconveniences, of course. But in the involuntary quiet, many of us also sense an opportunity to think a little more deeply about life. In our go-go-go world, we rarely get the chance to stop and consider the big drivers of our happiness and our sense of purpose.

On second thought, maybe this is the perfect time to launch a column on happiness.

I teach a class at the Harvard Business School on happiness. It surprises some people when I tell them this-that a subject like happiness is taught alongside accounting, finance, and other, more traditional MBA fare. Nathaniel Hawthorne once famously said, "Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you." This is not exactly the stuff of business administration.

But if you imagine my students sitting outside in a circle (or in a virtual circle on videochat, these days) hoping to have a butterfly land on us, you're wrong. Here are a few of our topics: "Affect and the Limbic System," "The Neurobiology of Body Language," "Homeostasis and the Persistence of Subjective Well-Being," "Oxytocin and Love," "Acquisition Centrality and Negative Affect," and "The Hedonic Treadmill."

The scientific study of happiness has exploded over the past three decades. The Nobel Prize winners Daniel Kahneman and Angus Deaton (both at Princeton University) publish extensively on the subject. The University of Pennsylvania has a whole graduate-degree program in positive psychology, led by Martin Seligman, one of the most distinguished social psychologists in the world. A peer-reviewed academic journal called the Journal of Happiness Studies has been in operation since the year 2000 and enjoys high prestige in scholarly circles.

Religion, philosophy, and the arts have long considered happiness a subject suitable for study. The sciences have only recently caught up. This column, which we're calling "How to Build a Life," will draw on all these sources of wisdom in the hope of helping you identify the building blocks of happiness-family, career, friendships, faith, and so on-and giving you the tools to use them to construct a life that is balanced and full of meaning, and that serves your values.

This column has been in the works for some time, but my hope is that launching it during the pandemic will help you leverage a contemplative mindset while you have the time to think about what matters most to you. I hope this column will enrich your life, and equip you to enrich the lives of the people you love and lead.

To start us off, I want to give you three equations for well-being-equations that, in my opinion, you need to know to start managing your own happiness more proactively.

Equation 1: Subjective Well-being = Genes + Circumstances + Habits

Subjective well-being is a term of art usually used by social scientists. Why not happiness? Many scientists consider happiness as a term to be too vague and too subjective, and to contain too many competing ideas. In everyday language, happiness is used to denote everything from a passing good mood to a deeper sense of meaning in life. The term subjective well-being, on the other hand, refers to an answer to this kind of question: "Taken all together, how would you say things are these days-would you say that you are very happy, pretty happy, or not too happy?" (That is the actual wording from one of the most prominent surveys that address the subject, the General Social Survey.)
Read: The Yale happiness class, distilled
Equation 1 summarizes a vast amount of literature on subjective well-being, starting with the question of the heritability of happiness. Personally, I dislike the idea that happiness is genetic; I dislike the idea that anything about my character or personality is genetic, because I want to be fully in charge of building my life. But the research is clear that there is a huge genetic component in determining your "set point" for subjective well-being, the baseline you always seem to return to after events sway your mood. In an article in the journal Psychological Science reporting on an analysis of twins-including identical twins reared apart and then tested for subjective well-being as adults-the psychologists David Lykken and Auke Tellegen estimate that the genetic component of a person's well-being is between 44 percent and 52 percent, that is, about half.

The other two components are your circumstances and your habits. Research is all over the map on what percentage each part represents. Circumstances-the good and the bad that enter all of our lives-could make up as little as 10 percent or as much as 40 percent of your subjective well-being. Even if circumstances play a big role, however, most scholars think it doesn't matter very much, because the effects of circumstance never last very long.

We may think that getting a big promotion will make us permanently happier or that a bad breakup will leave us permanently brokenhearted, but it isn't true, as a casual look back on your own life would surely attest. Indeed, one of the survival traits of human beings is psychological homeostasis, or the tendency to get used to circumstances quickly, both good and bad. This is the main reason money doesn't buy happiness: We get used to what it buys very rapidly and then go back to our happiness set point. And for those of us lucky enough to avoid illness, even the unhappiness from the COVID-19 crisis will be in the rearview mirror before very long.

Genes and circumstances aren't a productive focus in your quest for happiness. But don't worry, there's one variable left that affects long-term well-being and is under our control: habits. To understand habits, we need Equation 2.

Equation 2: Habits = Faith + Family + Friends + Work

This is my summary of thousands of academic studies, and to be fair, many scholars would dispute it as too crude. But I am convinced that it is accurate. Enduring happiness comes from human relationships, productive work, and the transcendental elements of life.

A little bit of clarification is in order here. First, faith doesn't mean any faith in particular. I practice the Catholic faith and am happy to recommend it to anyone, but the research is clear that many different faiths and secular life philosophies can provide this happiness edge. The key is to find a structure through which you can ponder life's deeper questions and transcend a focus on your narrow self-interests to serve others.

Similarly, there is no magic formula for what shape your family and friendships should take. The key is to cultivate and maintain loving, faithful relationships with other people. One extraordinary 75-year study followed Harvard graduates from 1939 to 1944, into their 90s, looking at all aspects of their health and well-being. The principal investigator, the psychologist George Vaillant, summarized the findings as follows: "Happiness is love. Full stop." People who have loving relationships with family and friends thrive; those who don't, don't.

Finally, there's work. Maybe it shocks you that work is part of this equation; it shouldn't. One of the most robust findings in the happiness literature is the centrality of productive human endeavor in creating a sense of purpose in life. Of course, there are better jobs and worse jobs, but most researchers don't think unemployment brings anything but misery.

Read: Meaning is healthier than happiness

What kind of work? White collar or blue collar? Stay-at-home parenting? Work requiring college? A super-high-paying job? My own research as a social scientist has focused on this subject, and I can tell you that these are the wrong questions. What makes work meaningful is not the kind of work it is, but the sense it gives you that you are earning your success and serving others.

Equation 2 is especially worth considering during our pandemic isolation. Ask yourself: Is my happiness portfolio balanced across these four accounts? Do I need to move some things around? Are there habits I can change during this pause?

I asserted above the old claim "Money doesn't buy happiness." It's not quite that simple, of course. I should say, "Money doesn't buy satisfaction." Homeostasis sees to that, in the form of what psychologists call the hedonic treadmill: People never feel they have enough money, because they get used to their circumstances very quickly and need more money to make them happy again. Don't believe it? Think back to your last significant pay increase. When did you get the greatest satisfaction-on the day your boss told you that you were getting a raise? The day it starting hitting your bank account? And how much satisfaction was it giving you six months later?

You might be tempted to conclude that satisfaction is out of reach. But that's not quite right. Equation 3 provides a better way of thinking about satisfaction.

Equation 3: Satisfaction = What you have ÷ What you want

Many great spiritual leaders have made this point, of course. In his book The Art of Happiness (written with the psychiatrist Howard Cutler), the Dalai Lama stated, "We need to learn how to want what we have not to have what we want in order to get steady and stable Happiness." The Spanish Catholic saint Josemaría Escrivá made the same point in a slightly different way: "Don't forget it: he has most who needs least. Don't create needs for yourself."

This is not just a gauzy spiritual nostrum, however-it is an intensely practical formula for living. Many of us go about our lives desperately trying to increase the numerator of Equation 3; we try to achieve higher levels of satisfaction by increasing what we have-by working, spending, working, spending, and on and on. But the hedonic treadmill makes this pure futility. Satisfaction will always escape our grasp.
Read: How happiness changes with age
The secret to satisfaction is to focus on the denominator of Equation 3. Don't obsess about your haves; manage your wants, instead. Don't count your possessions (or your money, power, prestige, romantic partners, or fame) and try to figure out how to increase them; make an inventory of your worldly desires and try to decrease them. Make a bucket list-but not of exotic vacations and expensive stuff. Make a list of the attachments in your life you need to discard. Then, make a plan to do just that. The fewer wants there are screaming inside your brain and dividing your attention, the more peace and satisfaction will be left for what you already have.

Perhaps decreasing the denominator of Equation 3 is a little easier for you than normal during your isolation, because your expectations have diminished along with your physical ability to meet them. Can you find a way to continue this after the material world begins to beckon again in a few weeks or months?

Think of these three equations as the first class in the mechanics of building a life. But there is much, much more where all that comes from. Hence, this new column. In the coming months, I will pull back the curtain on the art and science of happiness to show how the brightest ideas can illuminate new solutions to our ordinary challenges.

Stay tuned. In the meantime, while you are still stuck at home, go study your equations.

We want to hear what you think about this article. Submit a letter to the editor or write to letters@theatlantic.com.

Arthur C. Brooks is a contributing writer at The Atlantic, a professor of the practice of public leadership at the Harvard Kennedy School, and a senior fellow at the Harvard Business School.

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spanish catholic saint josemaría escrivá

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The Three Equations for a Happy Life, Even During a Pandemic

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"How to Build a Life" is a new column that aims to give you the tools you need to construct a life that feels whole and meaningful. It seems strange to launch a column on happiness during a pandemic. The timing is, well, awkward, isn't it? Maybe not.

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ES - A Children's Story of 'Staying at Home'

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ES - A Children's Story of 'Staying at Home'

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Time to Come In, Bear: A Children's Story About Social Distancing

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Work from home, don't meet in person - or if you must get together, keep your social distance! As we increase our efforts to fend off the spread of the COVID-19, we need to watch that we aren't worsening another threat to public health: loneliness.

The "loneliness epidemic" has seen rates double in the United States over the last 50 years. Cigna's recent survey of over 20,000 American adults, found that almost half of respondents reported feeling alone, left out, and isolated. Further, one in four Americans shared that they rarely feel understood, and one in five people believe they rarely or never feel close to people.

Loneliness can also make you sick - more prone to catching cold, developing heart disease and experiencing depression. A recent report from the Health Resources & Services Administration stated that social isolation can be as damaging as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

And contrary to what you might think, it is not only the elderly who feel isolated. Younger, more technologically connected generations also suffer. Cigna's survey found that 79 percent of Gen Zers, 71 percent of millennials and 50 percent of baby boomers are lonely.

We are social animals with a need for belonging that is powerful and primitive. The roots of connection go back to our prehistory as a matter of survival. Belonging is not only a motivating component of workplace collaboration; it is the brain's key driver. Our brains have evolved to be social - constantly assessing what others may think or feel, how they are responding to us, if we feel safe with them, and if they feel safe with us.

Because of that primal need for connection, our brains react negatively when we feel isolated or excluded. Neuroscientists at UCLA found that when people feel excluded there is corresponding activity in the dorsal portion of the anterior cingulate cortex - the neural region involved in the "suffering" component of pain. In other words, the feeling of being excluded - left out, overlooked, ignored - provokes the same sort of reaction in the brain that physical pain might cause.

While people shelter in place, don't let physical distancing make loneliness worse. Here are three tips to reduce isolation and increase connection:
1. Make your communication as rich as possible.
Communication mediums run a spectrum from "lean" to "rich." A lean medium transmits less information than a rich medium. There are obvious advantages of lean, text-based communication tools. They are fast, inexpensive, and most employees have access to them and are comfortable using them. They can reach large audiences quickly, and they also create a written record of events, which can be valuable for tracking progress and for keeping everyone up to date. Just remember, if you are emailing, texting or typing in a chat window (all lean mediums), there is nothing that gives added clues to the meaning of what you write.

When the message is straightforward and easy to understand, a lean channel is fine, but because they lack social signals, lean mediums are poor transmitters of emotion, intent, or humor.

Communication gets richer when you add voice and/or image. Telephone calls and teleconferences give listeners access to vocal clues. Videoconferencing allows participants to view facial expressions and hand gestures. One study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Science, found that speakers, as compared to e-mail senders, were almost 40% better at communicating enthusiasm, skepticism, empathy, sympathy, irony, doubt, belief, encouragement, caution, and humor. When your goal is to make people feel included and connected, it helps to add the human elements that richer mediums like telephoning or videoconferencing offer.
2. Watch your body language.
On a phone call, it's all about vocal prosody (how you say what you say.) The quality of your voice can be a deciding factor in how you are perceived. Speakers with higher-pitched voices are judged to be less empathic, less powerful and more nervous than speakers with lower pitched voices.One easy technique to do before a teleconference is to put your lips together and say "Um hum, um hum, um hum." Doing so relaxes your voice into its warmer and lower pitch.

Participants in videoconferences tend to be more influenced by heuristic cues - such as how likeable they perceive the speaker to be - rather than the quality of the arguments presented by the speaker. This is due to the higher cognitive demands that videoconferencing places on people. So, when you are the presenter at a videoconference, you will want to emphasize nonverbal signals of likeability and warmth - leaning forward slightly, smiling, showing palms, etc.

A few other tips to keep in mind:

* You'll be more effective if you speak slowly and enunciate clearly. Pause between thoughts to let participants process what you said.

* Remember that distracting mannerisms and facial expressions can all be picked up and exaggerated on camera.

* Keep a "less is more" attitude. Don't fidget by rubbing hands together, bouncing your feet, drumming fingers on your desk, or playing with your jewelry; You'll make viewers feel nervous just watching you. Do keep your hand gestures small, fluid and close to your body.

* Maintain positive eye contact by looking at the screen when others are speaking and at the camera when you are speaking. It's a good idea is to lower the monitor camera a little so that you don't have to tilt your head back to gaze up at it.
3. Don't let today's necessary reliance on technology become a permanent replacement for face-to-face interaction.
In 1984, John Naisbitt wrote the best-seller, "Megatrends: Ten New Directions Transforming Our Lives," in which he popularized the concept of "high-tech, high-touch." The basic premise was that as humans became more capable of anonymous electronic communication, they would concurrently need more personal interaction.

Naisbitt was right on target - perhaps more literally than he knew - as the loss of physical touch deprives us of the most primitive and essential form of nonverbal communication. Which is why I mourn the fact that the "high-touch" greeting of a kiss, hug, or, in business settings, a handshake, is being replaced by a head nod, a wave, or a namaste (prayer hands, slight bow) hand gesture.

Any communication strategy takes skill. A well-crafted email can be more effective than a poorly handled in-person meeting. But for the highest level of engagement and connection, for building and deepening relationships, face-to-face is undeniably the richest and most effective communication medium. It remains the most powerful human interaction. Technology may be getting us closer to replicating the experience, but there is nothing yet that can fully replace the intimacy and immediacy getting people together, face-to-face.

... Read More

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Don't Let Physical Distancing Become Social Distancing

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Work from home, don't meet in person - or if you must get together, keep your social distance! As we increase our efforts to fend off the spread of the COVID-19, we need to watch that we aren't worsening another threat to public health: loneliness.

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Susan David: How to be your best self in times of crisis

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"Life's beauty is inseparable from its fragility," says psychologist Susan David. In a special virtual conversation, she shares wisdom on how to build resilience, courage and joy in the midst of the coronavirus pandemic. Responding to listeners' questions from across the globe, she offers ways to talk to your children about their emotions, keep focus during the crisis and help those working on the front lines.

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Activities to do at home with your family - OFF Screen

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Activities to do at home with your family - OFF Screen

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Laughter is the Best Medicine - HelpGuide.org

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When it comes to keeping you healthy, laughter is up there with a nutritious diet and exercise. Learn how to harness its powerful health benefits.

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As the new coronavirus spreads, schools across the country are closing their doors and encouraging parents to help kids complete schoolwork at home until risk of catching or spreading COVID-19 have passed.

For parents, the question is, how? TODAY Parents sought advice from homeschooling parents on how to teach kids at home.

Fox Sports reporter and host of the "Players with Lindsay Czarniak" podcast Lindsay Czarniak, wife of TODAY co-anchor Craig Melvin, shared one of her survival techniques on Instagram this week: a hand-written schedule outlining her kids' "school" day at home.

"This was more for me than the kids but with a couple weeks of hunkering down ahead for them I followed the advice one of my son's teachers shared," Czarniak wrote in her post, joking that "Recess/PE was waaay too long but I had a meeting."

Journalist and college professor Alissa Wilkinson solicited help from homeschooling parents on Twitter, asking for advice for "people who are going to be trying to 'do school' at home for the next month," and received suggestions ranging from knocking out difficult subjects first thing in the morning to making sure to get up and get dressed before starting schoolwork to optimize success.

For parents who, like these moms, are asking, "What do I do now?" we talked to moms who homeschool and rounded up 12 tips for homeschooling your kids - even if just temporarily - during the coronavirus pandemic.

Heather Bowen, a mom of two from Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, says when facing an unexpected homeschool situation, family planning is key.

"Talk to your children about this 'new normal,' and communicate with them that while they may be at home, there are still assignments that must be completed in a timely manner," said Bowen, who blogs about homeschooling her daughters, Shaylie, 15, and Nevaeh, 14, at Mom for all Seasons. "Since your child is coming from a structured school environment, I would definitely continue on with providing structure for both them and you."

Bowen says it's important to have set hours for school, meals, chores and other daily activities.

Maria Chamberlain, a mom of seven who has been homeschooling for 29 years, agrees.

"Many routine activities are now disrupted, and that's going to be an emotional process for everyone," Chamberlain told TODAY Parents. "Kids are going to be disappointed, as are parents, not to have their normal routine."

Chamberlain, who lives in Strafford, New Hampshire, suggests talking together as a family about the coronavirus outbreak and how it's affecting everyone.

"Then, decide on a schedule together as a team," said Chamberlain. "Let the kids help plan it and it will run smoother."

"I would highly suggest that you reach out to your local school district and determine what resources, in terms of curriculum, online learning platforms, supplies, etc., are available to you," Bowen suggested. "Talk to your child's teacher and find out exactly what is expected from them in terms of assignments and school work during this time."

Leah Duke, a Montana mom of three who has been homeschooling since 2004, says it's important to remember that each child learns differently and may perform better in a different work environment.

"Help them create their own work space - at the kitchen table, on their bed, in a comfy chair in the living room - and know that you may find a rotation works well for different subjects, especially for those students accustomed to visiting a different classroom and teacher for math, English and electives," said Duke.

"Some students are self-motivated," said Duke. "But some may need time limits or incentives like, 'You need to finish ABC before you can XYZ.' Not every student is a morning person, but it's much easier to accomplish what you need to first thing, before the whole day slips by, so that's a great case for building incentives into your new routine - just as we encourage our children to eat their vegetables before they can have a slice of cake."

Bowen suggests incentives like time with electronics or playtime once schoolwork is complete, and suggests making expectations clear to kids so there's no confusion about what they need to get finished to earn their reward.

"For younger children, a dry erase board, where you can list out all assignments and chores for the day and then check them off as they go, may be most effective," added Bowen.

Amber Mathison, founder of ABC's to ACT's, an online educational resource for parents, teachers and homeschoolers, says downtime is just as helpful in getting through the school day as a schedule.

"Whether it's while they're changing classes or while they're waiting for other students to finish their work, your child has several moments of downtime throughout a normal school day," said Mathison. "Remember to give them the same while they're at home. Believe me, when you're struggling through a math assignment, a quick 15-minute break can do wonders for both your patience and their ability to get through the material."

Florida mom Wendy Moores has been homeschooling her daughters, Melody and Anika, since they were in fifth grade. Today, Moores' daughters are in college and asked to continue homeschooling for their collegiate years.

Moores says everything is an opportunity to learn, and being at home with your kids gives you the chance to try some outside-the-box ways to absorb information.

"Grocery shopping can be lessons on everything from color, shape and sizes for the young ones to multiplication and percentages for your older ones," said Moores. "Taking a long walk can be a lesson in botany or biology. And those experiences that you seek out become field trips that will be a blast and something special because you are schooling your children."

Moores also recommends taking lessons outdoors.

"There were days that my daughters and I were crawling up the walls, said Moores, "so we did our spelling practice out on the driveway with chalk and we gathered rocks in our yard to practice math."

"At the end of the day, it doesn't really matter all that much if they finished their math work before their science," said Mathison. "Let them decide which subject they'd like to dive into first, or better yet, grab a spiral notebook or a piece of paper and simply write out the assignments they need to finish for the day. Let them work through the list in whatever order they'd like, checking them off as they go."

Moores said in her eight years of homeschooling, she's learned the importance of taking time to make a plan of her own for how she will handle the flow of her days.

"You need to do your homework so you can show them how to do theirs," said Moores. "Schedule out lessons and read their textbooks before they do. Have a good lesson planner as a scheduling tool - that's a must."

Erica Arndt, who blogs at Confessions of a Homeschooler, said one key to her success as a home educator is a daily meeting.

"I find it helpful to have a 10-15 minute daily wrap-up meeting at the end of the school day to go over my children's work," said Arndt, who has been homeschooling her 17-, 15-, 14- and 11-year-old children since they were in preschool. "They each pick a time slot and I sit down with them one-on-one. We discuss any questions that they had, check to make sure everything was completed and grade anything that needs grading."

"Daily meetings help me stay on top of grading so I am not overwhelmed," the Colorado mom continued. "And, it helps my children get a clear sense of accomplishment for today and know what will be required tomorrow."

"You've been thrown into a situation that is unfamiliar and somewhat scary," said Mathison. "Your 'school day' will not be perfect, and that's OK. Just try to remember that you're both adjusting to something new and there will be some bumps along the way."

"This may be an unexpected occurrence," added Moores, "but I would be so bold as to say that it will be the blessing you never thought you wanted."
Related video:

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Schools closed for coronavirus? Here's how to teach kids at home

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As the new coronavirus spreads, schools across the country are closing their doors and encouraging parents to help kids complete schoolwork at home until risk of catching or spreading COVID-19 have passed. For parents, the question is, how? TODAY Parents sought advice from homeschooling parents on how to teach kids at home.

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Anxiety and Coping Strategies when dealing with CoVid 19

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Anxiety and Coping Strategies when dealing with CoVid 19

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We're all on edge because of the coronavirus. Our daily lives have been disrupted, we aren't sure what tomorrow may bring, and for many of us the nonstop news and social media coverage isn't helping.

Our experts say that dealing with your own anxiety can be the most powerful way to make sure your kids feel secure. If you or your children are feeling worried, learning how to deal with that anxiety in a healthy way can help the whole family be more resilient, both now and when the pandemic is finally over.

"The treatment for anxiety isn't to make the fear go away, it's to manage the fear and tolerate uncertainty," explains Jerry Bubrick, PhD, a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute. "So for the kids who've been in treatment for this, it's almost like they have an immune response or they're vaccinated against uncertainty. They've been training for this and now they're able to put their skills in place and for many of them the coronavirus is not affecting them as much as those of us who aren't used to dealing with uncertainty on a daily level."

Many parents are having a harder time dealing with COVID-19 than their children, and some of the anxiety that kids are experiencing may be inadvertently passed on by worried parents.

As parents, we need to be modeling for our kids how to react to stressful times by coping with anxiety in healthy ways. "I think we have to be mindful of the present and stay focused on what is actually happening and not let ourselves go to worst case scenarios," Dr. Bubrick recommends. "If we're showing our kids catastrophic thinking and head-in-your-hands worry, and crying and fear, then they're going to learn that's the way to handle the times now."

Be smart about what you're reading. While we should make sure we are informed about how best to keep our families safe, we should also be thoughtful about what we are reading online to make sure it's actually helpful. It is easy to inadvertently get sucked into reading every update as it comes in, or clicking on, in Dr. Bubrick's words, "the doomsday apocalypse kind of stories, which I would consider to be 'mental health fake news.'"

Consider putting a limit on the number of articles you read, or for how long you will read about the coronavirus each day. If you're consuming media that is making you anxious - take a break. Being informed is one thing; being overexposed is another.

Focus on what you're doing right now. Though we're getting more information about the virus daily, we don't know what will happen, something that's a massive anxiety trigger for almost everyone. It can be tempting to get caught up in imagining what the future might look like, but Dr. Bubrick recommends trying to stay focused on what's happening now rather that what might happen later on. "Focus on making sure you're in the moment, and dealing with things in the present."

Stop yourself if notice that you are getting carried away with "what ifs." It will help if you can set aside time to regularly practice mindfulness, which is a tool to help people stay grounded and calm. Parents can practice mindfulness alone or with children. You can't control the future, but you can take charge of the present.

Rely on routines. Establishing a routine that involves exercise, regular meals and healthy amounts of sleep is also crucial to regulating our moods and our worries. It can be hard to accept that our old routines are no longer possible because of COVID-19 precautions, but looking for ways to be flexible and start a new routine can help you feel less anxious and more productive. Remind yourself that life is still continuing, and ground yourself by doing things like making agendas and setting goals.

When kids are feeling anxious, it may or may not be clear to parents. "We shouldn't be looking for just one thing," says Dr. Bubrick. "We should be ready to handle a variety of different expressions of anxiety." Anxiety could look like:

Kids may not always be able to express how they are feeling. For younger children, Dr. Bubrick suggests using a feelings chart instead of saying "Tell me how anxious you are." With a feelings chart, which you can find on the internet, you can ask kids to point to the feeling they are having now. Parents can also use a traffic light chart to help kids share how intense their feeling is - a red light means they feel overwhelmed, a yellow light is medium and a green light is okay.

For kids who are more able to articulate how they are feeling, Dr. Bubrick says it is better to ask what psychologists call "forced choice questions." "If you ask a vague question you're going to get a vague answer," he says. "So instead of asking 'How was your day?' which is pretty vague, maybe ask, "Did your anxiety get in the way of you having a good day today?" he suggests.

If you're wondering about a teenager, Dr. Bubrick recommends talking about yourself first. "You can say something like, "I saw this article today and it made me wonder about this and that. Did you see something like that? What's your reaction to it?'"

Structure their day. As parents we often think that setting boundaries for a child is a way to make our lives easier, but in fact kids thrive on them, too. It is easy for children to get bored or fretful if they are facing a day without structure, and anxiety can thrive under those circumstances.

Make sure that you are structuring their days when they are cooped up at home. Alternate chores or schoolwork with more fun activities and periods of free time. As restrictions lift and summer sets in, be sure to incorporate safe, socially distant outdoor activities as well. Make sure kids are still getting the chance to exercise and socialize with friends via video chats and social media if they are on it.

Avoid giving too much reassurance. For kids of all ages, Dr. Bubrick recommends avoiding getting into a cycle of providing too much reassurance. Kids can come to rely on the reassurance and want to hear it more and more often - and when a parent isn't able to give them complete reassurance their anxiety can worsen.

Instead, remind kids of the things they are doing to take care of themselves (like washing their hands and staying indoors) and encourage them to focus on being in the moment. They can practice mindfulness activities alone or with you.

Model calm yourself. Don't share your worries with your children, and if you are feeling anxious, find a way to ground yourself. "After this crisis is over, your kids are going to walk away from this having learned things," says Dr. Bubrick. "What will they have learned from you in the way you handled this? Will they look back and say 'Wow, I'm really impressed with how Mom and Dad held it together?' Or are they going to walk away and think the world is a scary place?"

Look for the positive. Finally, Dr. Bubrick recommends looking for the silver linings. "I spoke to a family this morning on Skype and they said, 'You know, our kids are all together for the first time in months and they're playing games together and they're laughing together and we're spending time together.' So there are silver linings, you just have to look for them."

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Anxiety and Coping With the Coronavirus - Child Mind Institute

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Tips to help parents cope with anxiety during coronavirus.

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"mindfulness for kids" "mindfulness meditation for kids" "mindfulness in the classroom" "committee for children"

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Mind Yeti is a digital library of research-based, guided audio sessions that help support the well-being and social-emotional and academic development of young kids. As both kids and adults' practice together with these sessions, they begin to build a mindfulness habit.

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A Message to Kids about CoVid 19 from Canadian Priminister (LEGO version)

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A Message to Kids about CoVid 19 from Canadian Priminister (LEGO version)

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A message for Canadian children about these tough times from LEGO Justin Trudeau

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It's a crazy time. Here in the California, we are sheltering-in-place, leaving the house only for essentials like groceries and medical care. And while we're all (appropriately) focused on caring for the physical health of ourselves, our families, our communities, and society at large, our mental, emotional, and social health needs are quickly emerging as profoundly important, as well.

I'm executive director of Open Source Wellness, which brings people together to learn and practice the behaviors that generate human health and well-being. Our core idea is that community is a form of medicine. And while we aren't physically gathering right now, I'm happy to share some of what we have learned for your reflection and personal practice during this time.

Structure in times of chaos

During my first day of graduate school to become a psychologist, a wise, mischievous, provocative professor said to us:

Human suffering is often about freedom and containment. When we have too much containment, we scream for freedom. "Let me be me! I need space! Don't tell me what to do!" But when we have too much freedom, we start to feel adrift. Fearful. Lost in space... and suddenly we are longing for containment. "Hold me close! I need to feel safe!"

My years of work as a therapist, professor, and community member-did I mention that I live in a household of eight adults?-have made the wisdom of this insight so clear to me. Our interpersonal upsets and inner pain are so frequently a form of rebelling against too much containment (" Don't fence me in!") or protesting not enough contact or security (" Where did you GO? ")

What does all of this have to do with a global pandemic, social distancing, and the disruption of everything?

First, our everyday social structures have been altered, and some have even evaporated. These structures normally create connection-in meetings and at the water cooler at work, in class and at the playground at school, at the gym and the coffee shop. They also create distance: We say goodbye to our partners and kids in the morning, and we greet them again in the evening. All of this happens automatically, without much effort on our parts. It's built in to the structure of our society! And while we like to rail against these structures ("Same old, same old, every day"), when they are suddenly removed, people respond in interesting ways.

Some may initially delight in newfound freedom-the removal of constraint. "I can do whatever I want to! Netflix, pajamas, and chocolate all day!" It's delicious-for a moment.

Others might be initially terrified by newly imposed constraints. Children home all day every day. Spouses suddenly inhabiting the same space 24/7. No more trips to the gym, the café, or your friend's house. "I gotta get out of here. I can't breathe!"

Still others are feeling anxiety, or even terror, about the sudden, yawning horizon of solitude. No social events, no classes, no sports...aloneness. "Is anybody out there?"

Whatever your first reaction, most of us are likely feeling the creeping presence of something we typically like to avoid. A feeling, a relationship, a life challenge that is neatly tucked away into the background, until it's not, and its emergence from "storage" is unnerving, unwelcome, and sometimes downright terrifying.

The point of all of this? It's normal to stagger when the old structures are swept away-but we have the opportunity (and the imperative) to create our own. Intentionally. For our well-being, and the well-being of our families and communities, we are called upon to design sustainable structures that produce sanity, safety, and human thriving.

How? At Open Source Wellness, we help folks create daily structures using a "Universal Prescription": Move, Nourish, Connect, Be.

These are structures you can apply to your life right now. Whether you're in generally good health or struggling with chronic physical or psychological conditions, we believe that every person needs these four things, every day!

1. Move. Our bodies need to move. They need to stretch, reach, twist, bend, step, sweat, to whatever degree works for our unique shapes and constitutions. They don't care if it's at the gym, out in the neighborhood, or in your living room-they just need activity. It's not just about "staying in shape." It's about your immune health and your mental health, as well! Build movement in your structure, at least 20 minutes per day! YouTube exercise videos range from three-minute workouts to more than an hour, and many of them are family-friendly, too.

2. Nourish. You might have a sense of what foods make you feel lively, focused, resourced, and sane, right? And there are certainly those that are just for fun (hellooo, chocolate). At Open Source Wellness, we suggest not banning or outlawing the small treats that bring you joy, but rather setting up a daily structure that (mostly) fills you with nourishing, healthy foods. Always wanted to make a dietary change, learn to meal prep, teach your kids to cook, or sample a new cuisine? Now's the time! Structure one or two 30-minute chunks of cooking into your days.

3. Connect. This one, more than ever, is key. Humans need to feel connected. We need to feel seen, heard, and understood by another human-and to extend the same in return. And since it won't "just happen" throughout your day, you're going to need to schedule it. More to the point, you'll need to ask for it. To get vulnerable enough to say, "I really want to connect with you. Can we talk?" Tell the truth about how you're feeling, what you're experiencing. Invite them to do the same. Listen with kindness. Offer your support with generosity. High-quality human attention may feel like a scarce resource right now, but you can generate an infinite supply of it.

4. Be. Amid all the "doing"-the preparing, protecting, adjusting, coping, responding, providing, procuring-humans need moments to simply BE. It's not necessarily about serenity, or warm fuzzy feelings. It's about pausing long enough to let your nervous system come back to baseline after prolonged activation. Experiment with what works for you. If meditation or guided relaxation works for you, great! If watching a crappy TV show while snuggled into the couch helps you to just BE, that's good, too. And if painful emotions get too loud or overwhelming when you try to slow down, that's OK, too.

Perhaps start with a little inventory. Of the four aspects of this "Universal Prescription," which ones are you strongest in? Which ones do you incorporate effortlessly, as a part of your routine? Which ones might need a bit more attention, more practice, more cultivation? Then, pick one to focus on first: How might you structure it into your days?

In short, this is an opportunity to get really intentional. To choose rather than to drift. In the absence of everything that normally dictates our days, we are called on to create the structures that will support our health, physically and emotionally, in a time of profound uncertainty. Try out weaving Move, Nourish, Connect, and Be time into your days, and let us know how it goes for you!

And in case the term "social distancing" bums you out as much as it does for me...try on "expansive solidarity." We're right here, in this together...spaciously.

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Four Things to Do Every Day for Your Mental Health

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It's a crazy time. Here in the California, we are sheltering-in-place, leaving the house only for essentials like groceries and medical care. And while we're all (appropriately) focused on caring for the physical health of ourselves, our families, our communities, and society at large, our mental, emotional, and social health needs are quickly emerging as profoundly important, as well.