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In this padlet assignment, I will be analyzing myself.

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I am going to be writing some very personal things that happened to me in my life. While I am aware you have to do the report, it's okay because I have been in counseling for a long time and God has healed me. I am doing well.

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This stage starts at birth and ends around 18 months and is the most important stage of a person's life. This is the stage that shapes a person's personality and views of the world. The psychosocial conflict is trust vs mistrust. The major question is "Can I trust the people around me?". The basic virtue is hope. The important event is feeding. According to 2.3 of the textbook, "The infant must have basic needs met in a consistent way in order to feel that the world is a trustworthy place."

I was born with hypothyroidism, but my mom didn't know until I was a week old because it took that first week for the doctors to get my blood work back. I also got frequent ear infections when I was an infant. Not sure what other things happened, as my mom always tries to paint a picture of being a perfect parent. I do know that I developed severe trust issues in my life, but there were other factors that played into those trust issues. These were not resolved until adult years, so you will see later in this timeline what I did to resolve the trust issues.

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Understanding Erikson’s Stages of Psychosocial Development

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Erikson’s stages of development describe eight psychosocial phases that shape the development of personality, identity, and psychological skills.

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This stage starts sometime during 18 months and ends around 3 years. This stage is when children start to develop a sense of self-control. The psychosocial conflict is autonomy vs shame & doubt. The major question is "Can I do things on my own, or am I reliant on the help of others?". The basic virtue is will. The important event is toilet training. According to 2.3 of the textbook, "Mobile toddlers have newfound freedom they like to exercise and by being allowed to do so, they learn some basic independence."

I have very few memories of this age in my life. What I do remember is somewhere in this age is when the man who adopted my mom started to molest me. (I do realize that you have to make the report, but I've been through therapy and processed the events.) The molestation went on at random times until I was around age 6 or 7. I had bedwetting issues because of it for a long time. I developed irrational fears. I had nightmares for many years. Little did I know that I was already on a path to developing anxiety, C-PTSD, and other ailments. I didn't talk much, only very selectively, until around age 5 or 6. This was resolved until my adult years.

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This stage starts around 3 years and ends around 5 years. It is also known as the "preschool stage". This stage is when children begin to assert control and power using direct play and social interactions. The psychosocial conflict is initiative vs guilt. The major question is "Am I good or bad?". The basic virtue is purpose. The important events are exploration and play. According to 2.3 of the textbook, "Preschoolers like to initiate activities and emphasize doing things 'all by myself.' "

I do have memories of preschool. I can remember what the building looked like inside. I can remember some of the activities we did. I can remember my pre-school teacher. The kids didn't really like me. There was one or two who was friendly to me and accepting of me at first, but other kids bullied them and made fun of them for playing with me, so they soon stopped playing with me. I felt alone, isolated, and unimportant. This was not resolved until my adult years.

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This stage occurs from 6 years to 11 years. This is where a child learns new skills. This is where a child either learns a new sense of self-worth and feels useful or learns a sense of worthlessness and inferiority or uselessness. The psychosocial conflict is industry vs inferiority. The major question is "How can I be good?". The basic virtue is competence. The important event is school. According to 2.3 of the textbook, "School aged children focus on accomplishments and begin making comparisons between themselves and their classmates."

This was a horrible stage for me. In kindergarten, the bullying was really bad. Shanika Smith, a black girl that attended Bon Air with me, initiated most of the bullying. She basically ran the school. She made sure that anyone who was nice to me felt bad for it. So the ones who were nice to me turned on me and took her side. Kids found every way to taunt me, tease me, and torture me. They would call me names, pull my hair, pinch me, kick me, and other things. They didn't care how smart I was or anything else about me. When the teacher asked a question and I answered correctly, the other kids laughed at me. I felt worthless, useless, alone, isolated, and horrible. I also remember my parents arguing a lot and yelling a lot. This set me even further on the path to anxiety, C-PTSD, and other issues. I also dealt with Riley Hospital trips, being on three inhalers (one was a steroid inhaler), having to take breathing treatments, bloodwork for my thyroid levels, and lots of doctor appointments. Around age 6 or 7 is when my mother put a stop to what my adopted grandfather had been doing to me. When I was 8 years old my mom was driving my brother and me to school and had a seizure. She collided with and oncoming car. I suffered injuries to my head, neck, shoulders, shoulder blades, back, and hips. The coccyx of my spine was broken. I was partially paralyzed after the wreck. I still had some feeling in my hips and legs but had lost a lot of it. We couldn't get therapy because insurance refused us. My mom forced me to do exercises and to walk. While I didn't recover 100%, I didn't ever need a crutch, cane, walker, wheelchair, or any other device after I recovered. When I was 9 years old he died a tragic death from falling into a wooden closet thing. I felt no remorse for his death. My mom forced me to go to the funeral, but I stayed out in the lobby/hallway area the whole time. I hated the smell of the flowers in the funeral home. I went through a really awkward mental phase of what I call "feeling detached" for a while after. I had recovered from bedwetting after his death. In 5th grade I tried out for band and found out I could play clarinet very well. All of my focus was put into my schoolwork, then when band was added, I focused on becoming great at music. These issues were not resolved until my adult years.

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This stage occurs from 12 years to 18 years. This stage is where adolescents explore and discover their independence and develop a sense of self. The adolescent asks his or herself "Who am I?" as well as learns more about his or her own values, beliefs, and goals. The psychosocial conflict is identity vs role confusion. The major question is "Who am I?". The basic virtue is fidelity. The important event is social relationships. According to 2.3 of the textbook, "Teenagers are trying to gain a sense of identity as they experiment with various roles, beliefs, and ideas."

When I was 12 years old, my mom had me admitted to the psychiatric unit. I had a very nasty, horrible, mean doctor named Doctor Kalapatapu. She was mean to me. Every time I tried to express myself she would tell me that I was wrong. She tried to get me to be a "good little girl" and "submissive". Little did she know that it wasn't going to work. I was still getting bullied in school. She didn't care. She told me to "let it roll off your back like a duck in the rain." I couldn't do that at the time because I was not mentally or emotionally strong enough to do that. She put me on heavy medications that made me tired all of the time and made me gain weight. I became a fat blob, which only made kids at school make fun of me even more. When I was in 7th grade, I had been hearing the other students plotting a physical fight. They would also tell me to fight them, in which I refused. I told the teachers, but they told me that I was just being paranoid. Then towards the end of the 7th grade year Shanika had 4 people hold me down while she beat me really badly. I ended up with a broken nose, my right eye swelled shut, a busted lip, several cracked ribs, and bruises all over my body. I still have a scar and drooping on my right eyelid from it. My mom talked to the cops, but as far as I know nothing was done about it. Then when I was 15 my mother sent me to live with my adopted grandmother. That didn't go over too well. Not going to even go into the details. It ended when my mother sent me to the Kinsey Center after my uncle lied on me to her. Then I spent most of my teen years locked up in facilities and doped up on psychiatric medications. The final place I was at overdosed me on a med called Trileptal twice and almost killed me. I didn't get released until 4 days before my 18th birthday. By that time I had gone up to 216 lbs, had severe acne and mood swings, and hated myself. The courts had ordered me to stay in counseling and on meds after my release as well. Right after my release my parents forced us to move to a shitty town called Peru. I also started smoking cigarettes when I was 18 yrs old. I'm going to get to all of the resolves in my next slide.

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My timeline may be longer than others students due to my extensive knowledge. That is okay. I hope that you enjoy my project. I am not sure how to correctly timeline some of the events of my life, as a lot of my adulthood events have been ongoing events that have cycled for a while. Either way, I will try my best for this timeline.

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This stage occurs from 19 years to 40 years. The focus of this conflict is forming intimate, loving relationships with other people. Success leads to having fulfilling relationships while struggles lead to loneliness and isolation. The major conflict is intimacy vs isolation. The major question is "Will I be loved or will I be alone?". The virtue is love. The important event is romantic relationships. This is the stage I am currently in right now. According to 2.3 of the textbook, "In our 20s and 30s we are making some of our first long-term commitments in intimate relationships."

When I was 18 (in 2004) I had to deal with Four County Counseling Center. They overdosed me on Trileptal again, which made my 3rd overdose on this med. I became suicidal. I had suicidal tendencies for many years. I forced them to take me off of that med eventually, though. Somewhere during that year, I got into my first relationship. I ended up getting pregnant by him. I gave birth to my first child, a girl, w hen I was 19 on February 20, 2006. I moved in with the dad's mom right after my daughter was born. She wouldn't let me see or touch my daughter, tho. When my daughter was just 2 1/2 weeks old, They forced me to sign papers stating that dna would be done, and if the said guy was found to be the father, then 50/50 custody would be established. But the grandma's lawyer was also her niece and very devious. The papers she turned into the courts were not what I had signed for. She had switched the papers on me. That turned into into a long battle that I had lost because someone tampered with our vehicles so I couldn't make the most important court date. I turned into an alcoholic and pill addict. The pills I went after were pain pills and anxiety pills. I also started smoking weed. From 2006 to 2010, I tried dating other people but none of them worked out. in 2010 I got with a guy I had known for a while named Scott. In February 2010 I suffered my first head injury which had a major impact on my relationship. We broke up but stayed friends. Through the years I had many toxic friendships and relationships. I went on to give birth to my 3 boys, but all of their "sperm donors" were men who didn't value me or love me. My oldest son was born 12-15-2009, my middle son was born 9-28-2011, and my youngest son was born 11-29-2013. I already told you about my middle son's birth in class. Then had to deal with him having a feeding tube from the time he was 5 months old until he was almost a year old. in 2013. about a 1 1/2 months before I got pregnant for my youngest, I had another head injury. Later in 2013, I went to my counseling appointment at Four County Counseling Center and everything they ever had on me had been erased out of their system. Nobody knew how or why. I walked out and said "Thank You, God! I'm free!"

It was probably around 2014 when I decided to go on a healing journey. I hadn't really held down a real job, but I had gotten my G.E.D. in 2008. I got into a few relationships, but they had all cheated on me, used me, and treated me like crap. In 2017 my middle son had surgery for umbelical hernia. Then in 2017 I had dated someone that I had been really close to and acted like he cared about me and understood me. Without saying anything to me or officially dumping me he started to act strange and become distant. His name was Leonard Pigg III. It wasn't until 2018 that I had found out he had been saying horrible things behind my back and lying about me. He also started recording me out and about at The Cozy/The Other Side and making up really bad stories about me. I later found out he did this because his "friends" bullied him and made fun of him for associating with me. I had also found out in 2018 that tons of people were saying all kinds of bad things about me and had been for a while. Little did Lenny know that I was dealing with 2 of my friends passing away in August of 2018 and a lot of other things. All of the bullying carried over into my adult years, though, and I felt there was nothing I could do about it. I had altercations with Lenny for a while. Then one year he acted all cool with me, told me a bunch of personal stuff, and even apologized to me. We were good for a while. Then he went right back to being weird and a jerk again. In 2019 I got to meet Newsboys, Mandisa, and Danny Gokey. That was really awesome. Then later that year I got back with Scott. In September 2019 I moved back to Kokomo to the house I live in now. On 2-10-2020 I had my gallbladder removed, then at the end of that month I had to take my oldest son to Riley Hospital for surgery. He had his tonsils and adenoids removed, and they also removed excess tissue from his throat. Then not even a week later I had to go back to Riley so that my middle son could have his eye surgery to have things put in to hold his eyelids open. On August 3, 2020 I dumped Scott. Shortly after I called Howard Community Behavioral and put myself into counseling. I also did anxiety group and emotional regulation group aka DBT. I left the anxiety group after a few weeks of being in it but stayed in DBT for almost 2 years. In 2022 I signed up for school at The Excel Center. While going to school there I found out that my mom had cancer and dealt with many setbacks and issues, both academic and personal. This school helped me with a lot of my healing, though. I graduated as a high honor student on June 29, 2023. And now I am a student at Ivy Tech Community College.

Doing the groups and staying in counseling at Howard Community Behavioral has helped me to learn how to gain control over my emotions, my thoughts, myself, and my life. It has helped me to process my past and raise my self-concept. But it wasn't just this place. I also give credit to The Excel Center staff as well. I also started studying manifestation / law of assumption. I also started going back to church. I got baptized at Fuel Church in 2019. I kept my faith and trust in God during all of the things I went through in my life. God just led me to the right people and places so that I could heal. The Kokomo Rescue Mission has also been a source of healing for me. I ate there a lot when I was a kid and still do. I also use their assistance programs as well. They have helped me out by praying for me, listening to me talk, being there for me, providing food and help, and just being kind to me. I learned that I had to get out of my own way, change my thinking, and get rid of the old, limiting beliefs and assumptions. I had to stop dwelling on the past and stop having a victim mindset. I had to stop replaying the trauma over and over in my head. I had to stop making up new scenarios in my head. I had to stop assigning negative meanings to my anxiety. I had to stop making negative assumptions. I had to change negative, limiting beliefs to positive ones that let me reach my potential. I had to learn to believe in myself, love myself, and accept myself. I also had to forgive myself.

I now have a small circle of friends who are loyal and faithful companions to me. They are amazing, beautiful, sometimes messy, but wonderful people that I love like family. There are still people who try to bring me down, but I don't let it bother me. I have built my self-concept, self-esteem, and self-worth. But not just myself. God has done more than I could alone. He has given me strength, peace, love, and all good things. He has healed me from many things. He keeps me safe and protected. He is always with me. I know and believe that Jesus Christ is my savior, that He is God's son who was sent to die on the cross for all of us. I know and believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross and shed His blood for our sins. God never left me, even when I felt alone and isolated. He provides for my kids and me. All I have to do is be in alignment. I have also recently took up teaching myself tenor saxophone. There are many good things I do to cope with the present and deal with myself so that I can stay positive and focused.

The biggest thing was that I CHOSE to heal.. I CHOSE to stop being bitter, traumatized, or whatever else. And every day I still CHOOSE to have a good day, love myself, and have a good attitude regardless of any negative things that come my way. I literally just woke up one day and told myself that I'm sick and tired of all the drama, b.s., garbage, and whatever else and wanted my reality to be different an better. Then I set out to make my reality different and better.

Sometimes I still struggle with my emotions. Sometimes I have bad days and bad moments. But I know how to handle them better now. I don't emotionally spiral anymore. I believe in myself. I know that I am blessed, successful, abundant, loved, cared about, and valued. I use positive affirmations and Bible verses to keep myself built up. I also use positive self talk. I don't beat myself up for making mistakes for my past like I used to. I have healthy, safe, reasonable boundaries set that I stick to. I teach my kids the values and beliefs that I have adopted. I don't always have the best relationship with my kids, but I try to be a great mother to them by providing for them, communicating with them, and providing structure for them. I do whatever it takes to protect my kids from sexual predators, especially by educating my kids and teaching them proper terms for their body parts. I pray whenever I can, not only for myself but for other people. Over the years I have helped many people who were suicidal to stay alive by speaking life into them. I have also helped many people just by listening to them and sometimes giving advice. God was using me before I even had a degree to help people.

Sorry this one is so long! I just wanted you to have a good understanding of my life on this timeline.

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This stage occurs from 40 years to 65 years. According to the website that I am using as my source, "During this stage, middle-aged adults strive to create or nurture things that will outlast them, often by parenting children or fostering positive changes that benefit others. Contributing to society and doing things to promote future generations are important needs at the generativity vs. stagnation stage of development.¹

It's important to note that life events at this stage tend to be less age-specific than they are during early- and late-stage life. The major events that contribute to this stage (such as marriage, work, and child-rearing) can occur at any point during the broad span of middle adulthood."

The psychosocial conflict is generativity vs stagnation. The important question is "How can I contribute to the world?" The virtue is care. The important event is parenthood and work. According to 2.3 of the textbook, "The 40s through the early 60s we focus on being productive at work and home and are motivated by wanting to feel that we’ve made a contribution to society."

I believe I have already adapted a lot of this stage early, although I am not set to reach this stage for a little over 2 more years. I'm not looking forward to menopause, though. From what my mother and older friends have told me about it, it's not something that I want to endure (but I have to at some point.)

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This is set from 65 years to death. This stage centers around questioning if the individual has led a meaningful, satisfying life. The psychosocial conflict is integrity vs despair. The major question is "Did I live a meaningful life?". The basic virtue is wisdom. The important event is reflecting back on life.

According to 2.3 of the textbook, "We look back on our lives and hope to like what we see-that we have lived well and have a sense of integrity because we lived according to our beliefs."

I hope that by the time I reach this stage I have brought many people to accepting Jesus Christ, that I have shown God's love to many people, and that I have been a light to many people as well. I also hope that I have helped many people to heal, accept themselves, forgive themselves, love themselves, and become better versions of themselves.