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Hi, Lia! First of all, in your paragraph I love how you used really strong, and powerful words. For instance, you included words such as “influential.” Instead of using easier words, you used detailed words to show the importance of the essay. Also, I like how your theme wasn’t trying to say to hurt others, but sometimes it's best to show others how they might be treating you so they stop. Other than that, a suggestion for

you is to not completely take out a personal pronoun. Instead it would be better if you replaced the personal pronoun with another word.

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hi lia i like you explanation it it really explanation your evidence. You say “their expressions and body language show how badly they wanted the big bird off” this show how good your explanation is. I like your sum up because it simmers to your claim but not the same that makes your righting good. I also like your transition words.  Lia i think that you could of wrote “for the birds” one more time in the first explanation. I say this because in the example they have the title 4 times.

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Hi Lia!!! One star in your timed paragraph was  your first explanation. I thought you elaborated a lot. You also explained a lot about what was happening and described it. Which made it extremely clear to the reader. You also never repeated your wording in your explanation. Or repeat what you were saying in a bunch of sentences. In addition, you  used powerful word choice. You didn’t say the same words a bunch of times and varied what you were saying. Like when you used “excluded” instead of just saying he was left out. A suggestion I can offer you ,is to expand your 2nd explanation to give the reader the same strong writing in the first explanation.

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Hello my little furry,I liked how you used different transition words and did not re-use any!  I also loved your claim sentence, it was very clear to the reader what The Present was about. I also loved your sum up sentence because you didn't copy your claim sentence word for word.

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Hi Lia! A strength in your paragraph “The Gift of Friendship” is your explanation 2. It explains your evidence well. Along with mentioning why this is important and explaining how the theme is shown within this Pixar short and when. Another strength is your  claim sentence. It uses a strong word choice elevating the claim sentence making it better. Another strength in your essay is your evedince. Your evidence supports your claim well and you explained it in a good way so the reader can understand what you are saying. I wasn’t able to find any wishes I think you did great!

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hi lia. One star that I had for you was that I really liked that you had different transition words for every one. My second star that i have for you is i liked how you said “continually ignores the dog and sometimes even kicks him to show he does not want to play and continues to ignore.”I think that this really helps prove your point. One star that i had for you was to some toiles alaberat on some things but besides that i loved it.

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One star in your Pixar Short paragraph was how you wrote the in life part in your paragraph. I loved how you taught the reader a lesson that was found in your Pixar Short. I also think it was a good lesson about in life how you shouldn’t judge someone by their looks because you could miss their amazing personality. Another star in your paragraph was your transition words. You didn’t repeat them over and over. You also made up other ones that aren’t seen as frequently as others are. For example when you said “One could apply this message in life” you mostly just see in life. One wish I have for you is that you write a little more. You could elaborate on the evidence a little more. Which would make your writing stronger and better.

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I liked the transition words sprinkled out throughout your paragraph. I also enjoyed the usage of “Over and Over and over” in your paragraph. My wish: grammar.

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Hi Lia, one strength in your writing piece is your transitions that made your piece flow very well and added a lot to your writing piece, and the way you varied your transitions throughout your piece instead of repeating the same one, made it even better. I also really liked you sum up sentence which helped to really wrap your piece up and finish it off well. One thing you could improve on is your evidence that could be longer and more elaborated to make it even better but other than that your piece was great!

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Taylor and hehehehh me in the background 

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Taylor and hehehehh me in the background 

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HI liA. One star that I have for you was I really liked where you said  “She told herself she would never miss another day of school so she could keep on hanging out with the new class guinea pig.”  This really stood out to me because it showed so much detail on how beneficial that they could be for kids in the classroom. Another star that I had for you was your overall spelling and grammar. Throughout the writing piece, I barely saw any misspelled things or poor grammar. One wish that I had for you was that if you have more time to have added onto it, but besides that, I thought that your writing was very very good.

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HEY LIA!! One strength in your persuasive timed essay was the descriptive details you included. For example when you described the color of the back pack. It made the reader get a picture in their mind a visualize it more and the setting around. Another strength you had was coming up with different questions. I liked how you weren’t just using the same questions over and over again. You thought of interesting questions to ask that were different from each other. One wish I have for you is to write a little bit more in your anecdote. I think if you gave more detail it would have made the scene come to life more in the reader's mind.

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Hey lia, as tenth in you essay was the intro. I loved how you made your point and it was easy to understand. Another one is all the anecdotes in your evidence. They all brought an image to my mind. I record for you to maybe make the sum it up sentence a little longer.

Side note- CHANGE THE BACKGROUND!!!!!!

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Hi my little gremlin!! 👹👹👹 I really like how you started off your essay with an onomatopoeia to really hook the reader to your essay and bring it to life. I also loved how descriptive and lovely your anecdote was in your video body paragraph. It really showed the anger and disappointment in the girl when she got a bad grade on her test. One wish I have still although your piece was amazing, was maybe you could’ve enhanced your word choice instead of “sad” you could’ve used “depressing”. Overall, AWSOME-SAUCE!!!👍

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Hey, Lia! A strength I think I found in your essay, “Why School Times Should Start Later,” is how you gave really detailed anecdotes. I found that you described the little things that were happening in the anecdote, instead of just throwing it all at the reader. Another strength I found in your essay was how you also gave reasons why parents would agree with your explanation, and I think that was reality important because parents should feel some way for how kids have to wake up so early for school. But, a suggestion I can offer for bigger improvement is to give some statements at the end of your explanation on why you think statements mean to you. For instance instead of just ending the explanation paragraph with questions and exclamation, you could do something like this before you add those, “In my opinion, I usually am really tired, and weak during school when I wake up. And sometimes I have to go to bed later because of sports!”

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One star you had in your writing The Reasons TikTok is Positive for Children is how you explained your evidence. I like how you talked about how you can be yourself also how you elaborated on the evidence. Another star in your writing was when you painted the picture of the depressed girly. I like how you described the setting. For example when you told us what color her walls are and told us how her desk looked. It really helped painting a picture in my mind of what her room looked like. One wish I have for you is that you used more descriptive and higher level word choice.

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⭐️: i think it amazing and i like how you decried her feeling ⭐️: i like the part when she goes to the principal office 🧞‍♂️: and more in figurative language

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One star is that it was long enough to tell the hole story. Another thing I liked was that you added details like laying on the sandy wooden floor. One thing I think you could work on is not having as much dialog and more punctuation.

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A strength in “New Friends, New You” was that Meg was talkign to the reader. As meg is asking question to the reader, it shows Megs character traits, letting people know how she will talk or respond to questions. Another strength in your narritive piece was that you added a friend help Meg along the way. Meg was in a lot of pain and when you added someone helping out Meg in the story, it made it really good. A wish I have for you is to add a little bit more detail within your story. It was really good but maybe with a little more S.T.E.A.L the piece would’ve been better.

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A strength in your narrative “new friends,new you” is your beginning. I love the way you told what happened to her dad and how everyone reacted. I think telling that part made the reader understand more about the main character and about her family in general. In addition to this I also think that your show not tell, in your piece was very good. For example when Meg did certain things with Hayley at the beginning. Like when she pulled away her hand when Hayley was going to shake it. You didn't say Meg didn't like her, you showed it in her actions. One thing I would suggest is adding more detail and figurative language towards the end. I think it would have made your piece better and would have given an idea to the reader what the principal's office looked like for example.

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Hi! In your narrative, “New Friends, New You” a strength I saw was how you would ask questions to the person reading it. It showed how Meg was interacting with the reader and gave a relaxed story vibe. Also, I love how you made the narrative about Meg finding a new friend which helps her with the pain that's going on in her life. It gives a nice insight and lesson on how interacting with new people could really help you get through hard times. Though, I was a bit confused when you wrote things that seemed that they would be inner thoughts, or dialogue but didn't have any dialogue marks. Overall I really much enjoyed the story, and the lesson behind it.

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A strength of your memoir is how you gave realistic metaphors to your exciting reactions or acts. I think this is a strength because a lot of people give metaphors that don’t really make that much sense. Another thing I also love about your memoir is how a small story about finding out you're going to Disney World turned into a lesson. It was really nice and appreciative of you to talk about how you were grateful to go to Disney World, because it is a privilege many people don't have. However, a suggestion I do have is that maybe you should add less dialogue and more metaphors in those spaces. I think that a small memoir should have a little less dialogue because it’s mainly a small moment and not a long moment, and speaking does take a little bit more time.

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⭐️I really like your figurative language⭐️ i liked it when you said we’re going to Disney!!!!!!!🧞‍♂️ I wished you described what you see more

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⭐️I really like your figurative language⭐️ i liked it when you said we’re going to Disney!!!!!!!🧞‍♂️ I wished you described what you see more

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A strength that you have in your memoir “Disney Surprise” is the way you used inner thoughts. For example when you said “I know we're going to Disney! She can’t deny it! What else would it be?” I liked the way you asked questions to yourself. I also loved the way you repeated what you were thinking in your head and used explanation points to show you were excited. Another thing I liked in your memoir was how you set the exciting and happy mood. When you said that you were jumping up and down I could tell you were really happy to go to Disney and excited. Even though you never said you were excited or happy I could tell by the way you described how you were acting in that moment. A suggestion I have for you is to add more detail about the setting. So the reader gets a better idea of where you are and can paint a picture in their head of what the room looks like.