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Original: The whole team reacts like an excited mother and jumps around in excitement.

New Sentence: When they hear this news, whole team is electrified with excitement.

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I discovered in the process of analyzing my primary source photo is the pattern. The binary shows us that. The rich companies benefiting from the poor players.

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Something that I discovered when looking at my source more closely, would be the rate of bullying per year. Also, there are many different forms of bullying rather than just verbal, physical, and cyber bullying.  

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Something that I discovered when looking at my source more closely, would be the rate of bullying per year. Also, there are many different forms of bullying rather than just verbal, physical, and cyber bullying.  

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In my analysis, i discovered that Dominic is the “leader” or “role model” in the fast and furious crew. He always gives the motivational speeches. His deep tone of voice always sets a serious and emotional environment.

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Looking through the Chevy commercial I found that Chevy tries to aim at more people than I initially thought. They used a wide range of ages (from young adult to older men) than I noticed the first time I watched the commercial.

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Original : Bullying is wrong. It is something that happens way too often. 

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Original : Bullying is wrong. It is something that happens way too often. 

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New sentence: Bullying is something that happens one too many times. It is something that is often times ignored and not spoken about enough

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In my analysis the lyrics say “you’ll,” a lot and I think that the song reaches out to the audience to make it seem like it was their job to change the way they worked.

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One way my analysis will set up my research is I can look up how do music videos affect the percentage of women who feel lesser than.
Another way I will set up my research is I can go through and look up the artist and she if she has gone through any self- esteem issues.

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Something that I discovered is how poorly the animals are treated. It shows you how neglected they are in the laboratories.

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In my analysis, I found out more details in my primary source that I didn’t know once I first started, or before I started, looking into something with more depth allowed me to learn more than what I already knew.

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Original: Jews are rats
New: Jews are vermin that spread disease and bring about problems to the world, they are the disease.

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My analysis sets up my eventual research by looking more in depth at research, which causes me to think more and analyze it more, which gives me more questions to ask, who did this, what caused it, why did it happen, where did it start, and so on

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Original:
Woman today have a lot of problems on the internet with people harassing them so they blame gamers for their problems thinking they all are like that with no evidence to prove that.

Revision:
Women today have a lot of problems on the internet with people harassing them. So they blame one part of society for their problems.

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Original: College athletes should be paid in more particular I would say football athletes.

New sentence: College athletes should be paid more, specifically football players.

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Old: They don’t flash their cash or look dirt poor like a minority of America, they want to target those who have enough to buy a car, but not to the point they will have a mansion or private jet.

New: They don’t flash their cash or live in a box. Chevy target’s the middle class that makes up the majority of America.

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One way that my analysis will help my research process is through the personal stories of bullying. Through personal stories I can get real answers and real facts. 

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One way that my analysis will help my research process is through the personal stories of bullying. Through personal stories I can get real answers and real facts. 

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Original: Music is a good way to cope with all the things you are going through whether you are happy or not.

New: Music is a good way to cope with anything the observer is going through, whether they are happy or not.

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Something I discovered or while analyzing the music video/lyrics was whether or not Jessie J has ever had body confinedent issues

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Original: This specific part of the song is very significant to Florence because of her past. This is biased because her husband Sam was a union leader in Harlan County, Kentucky.
New: This specific part is very significant to Florence since her husband Sam, was a union leader in Harlan County, Kentucky.

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One way my analysis sets up my research by showing me how people potray gamers as criminals. Another way is that they don’t talk about the benifits that games will have on people that play them.

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First I can look up statistics of games won, lost, how many points taking throughout the season. I can also delve into how the culture of winnnig has made it difficult for the fans and media top adjust.

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Original: The women in the video are wearing clothing that makes them feel comfortable or less clothing like lingerie in nude colors.

New: In the music video you will see women wearing clothing that they may feel more comfortable wearing such as lingerie or clothes they picked out that are in nude colors.

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I noticed how the coach is getting slated after a win!!! Fans are becoming ungrateful!

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That people have a lot of negative views on games that people play. Also that people don’t try to change their views on certain things in life.

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I want to find out what affect did the music video/lyrics have on the viewers and research what happened to Demi and where she was in her life when she wrote this song.

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My analysis can tell me if the commercial did well. It also will show if people really buy the premium cars like the commercial tries to sell or if they just go standard.

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My analysis can direct me to how important the union is and how much the union has helped and keep the people who are working safe.