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This is an approach that has often worked for me, simply because I never realized at first how much we can talk past each other in a mentoring relationship. Another issue it addresses is how much we use acronyms that our mentees often are afraid to ask us about, even when they have no clue about what each stands for. Most often, I go with the "In other words," approach, which either one of us can initiate as a follow up to the original statement or as a positive way of asking, "What the hell are you talking about?"

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When using Socratic questioning in my guided inquiry approach to teaching students and sharing with mentees, I have taught myself to use clarifying questions as a way of digging deeper into a matter of inquiry or to move the conversation forward in a very constructivist way where we equally build on each other's responses. The model questions in the Mentoring Language template works wonders, I have discovered, but students/ mentees can go a little nuts when I keep responding with questions rather than with answers which many would prefer to be short and sweet, if not simple.

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Almost as an immediate follow-up to clarifying questions, much more time is immediately focused on moving the conversation even further ahead by getting students and mentees to think more deeply about their thinking, or metacognition. Eventually, I have noticed, this is something students and mentees trained in the Socratic method do on their own and with each other all of the time. We find the "What do you think would happen if . . ." question works best as they build their various hypotheses to drive their own research forward; in fact, we spend a good deal of time working on formal ways of stating hypotheses scientifically to avoid bias and a priori assumptions that cloud the investigation.

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OK, this one is the hardest, especially when many students and mentees simply want you to "Tell me what I am doing wrong!" The building of trust is critically important, since it is so easy to offend someone if they are on the defensive and feel you are their "super judge." After all, they think, you will eventually pass or fail them or respond somewhere in between on this checklist or that evaluation. To get around this, I even encourage self-assessment through the type of extensive and intensive journaling I have practiced throughout my career as teacher and learner. Whenever I sit face to face with someone I am critiquing nonjudgmentally (an oxymoron?), I find journaling which is one step removed from overt Q&A is an effective strategy that works for me. Journaling works at many levels, and many feel comfortable saying things in writing that they cannot express verbally in the moment.

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My personal experience is that the language used to convey suggestions is critically important. So many students and mentees are caught up in the power relationship that exists: you are the teacher or their mentor and they know you are there to "suggest" things that they often deem to be nonnegotiable. I like the "Which of these might work best in your classroom?" as a "pick and option" approach, if it is immediately followed by a more constructivist, "Now maybe you can suggest a couple more from your perspective." These almost always lead (following the scientific method) to, "Let's test them in the classroom and see what we find out!"

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I think this expression became popular during the 60's when I was a training teacher. I see Robert Havighurst first popularized the notion in the 1950's, but I also think he stole some of the notion from Dewey(?) Once I started looking for them, I found them omnipresent; in fact, I learned I would have to pick and choose among several teachable moments during any given class period or mentoring session. Initially, they pissed me off to no end when I was the student. I remember distinctly my elementary school teacher in our one-room school putting on the board under the picture of the owl saying, "Whooo said this today?" a direct quote from me asking her if I could head out to recess with my buddy Jackie. I said, "Can me and Jackie go out and play now?" After describing how "can" should be "may" and how "Jackie" should be placed first before "me," and how "me" should really be "I," I had more than enough of that teachable moment (always hard to hear 8th graders laughing at you when you are a 3rd grader). So, I have always tried to be a bit more subtle when speaking to the targets of teachable moments, and I do them tongue in cheek a lot more than with the dire consequences approach that I used to use.

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Paraphrasing is one area of mentor language I feel I use effectively. As a mentor I am to guide and help my mentee. Being an active listener and fully understanding my mentee's concerns and successes are important. Paraphrasing not only helps with this understanding, but also shows that I am listening, engaged in the conversation and that I really care. I tend to use the "so" or the "it sounds like" statements. These approaches help me to understand and organize what needs to be addressed. The mentee can then agree with what I have said or provide me with more information.

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As I use clarifying questions to gain a deeper understanding of the issue at hand I also sometimes ask my mentee for an example. Specific examples can help identify details of the issue and perhaps make some connections between things that we had previously missed. Although I use this mentor language I feel I could use clarifying questions more frequently to be sure I am on the same page as my mentee, understand my mentee more and to learn about his/her reasoning for things. The more questions I ask the more I will be able to support and guide them.

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Mediation questions is an area of mentor language I need to work on. I tend to skip this part and go straight to the "this is what I do or would do." I now realize that in order for my mentee's to start figuring things out I need to make them think about it. I need to change their thinking, allow them to analyze, interpret and look at situations in different ways. As I finish out the school year I hope to pose more "what if" questions to my mentee and help her extend her thinking rather than just telling her how I would handle the situation.

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Another area for me to work on! Although I am interested and willing to help, I tend to give off the vibe of, "well I do it this way, you should too." This is not very effective and it does not build on our relationship. I need to focus on the mentee and their thoughts and what they are doing and refer to myself less. I am suppose to be supporting and guiding them and what works for me might not work for them.

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As I stated in the non-judgemental responses section, what works for me may not work for my mentee. When I offer suggestions I try to offer a few different scenarios. I have learned through experience that what works for one class of kindergarteners doesn't always work for the next. Giving multiple suggestions and allowing the mentee to try them out and decide which will work best for them.

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My mentor supplied me with numerous teachable moments my first year of teaching and I am so grateful to her for doing that. She helped me become the teacher I am today. Teachable moments not only help new teachers make better choices, think about things in a different way and encourage them to try new things, but they also build the mentor/mentee relationship, build mentor/mentee trust and lead to student success in the classroom. I hope to encounter more teachable moments for my mentee during these last few months of school.

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I believe that the ability of using Paraphrasing approach is one of my strong areas , I tend to be successful relation ships with my coworkers and students and able to build mutual trust  and facilitate communication which enables me to pond with them and be able accomplish productive results. I  tend to use " let's collaborate on that ..." as an opening statement to cultivate  the feeling that we are a team .

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I believe that the ability of using Paraphrasing approach is one of my strong areas , I tend to be successful relation ships with my coworkers and students and able to build mutual trust  and facilitate communication which enables me to pond with them and be able accomplish productive results. I  tend to use " let's collaborate on that ..." as an opening statement to cultivate  the feeling that we are a team .

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Through my teaching experience in IB school, it is essential to provide inquiry based instruction , I have received a considerable amount of inquiry workshops. As a result , I believe I would benefit my Mentees by asking a lot of question for clarification which would enable me to  provide the with effective Guidance through their journey. However, I should reassure my mentees that I am asking questions to deeply think  about what is the most appropriate support they need, not because I am trying to investigate or have any doubts regarding their performance 

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Through my teaching experience in IB school, it is essential to provide inquiry based instruction , I have received a considerable amount of inquiry workshops. As a result , I believe I would benefit my Mentees by asking a lot of question for clarification which would enable me to  provide the with effective Guidance through their journey. However, I should reassure my mentees that I am asking questions to deeply think  about what is the most appropriate support they need, not because I am trying to investigate or have any doubts regarding their performance 

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I have been told by my observers and principals that I have worked with that I  am very good at making my students using their meta-cognitive skills as well as critical thinking skills which is another aspect of inquiry, but I don't think I am implementing these strategies with adults, in fact Mediation Question is an area that I need to grow on , I should be able to help my mentees to increase their problem- solving skills , to be more refractive through conducting  self assessments , as my role as a leader to be the facilitator instead of just giving direct solutions which could prevent my mentees from continuing to grow as educators.   

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I have been told by my observers and principals that I have worked with that I  am very good at making my students using their meta-cognitive skills as well as critical thinking skills which is another aspect of inquiry, but I don't think I am implementing these strategies with adults, in fact Mediation Question is an area that I need to grow on , I should be able to help my mentees to increase their problem- solving skills , to be more refractive through conducting  self assessments , as my role as a leader to be the facilitator instead of just giving direct solutions which could prevent my mentees from continuing to grow as educators.   

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I believe that always having  the fear of people Might be judging me would help me to be a non- judgmental person. I always tend to use positive language and a lot of encouraging statements with my students which I believe it is a key factor in their success. I also feel that being able to empathize and being compassionate are my two areas of strength , I always think about how might the other person feel , and I always try to reflect on my behaviors which some times makes me feel that I am so harsh on my self , and as  result I  struggle controlling my own emotions, but  allow others to be emotional .

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I believe that always having  the fear of people Might be judging me would help me to be a non- judgmental person. I always tend to use positive language and a lot of encouraging statements with my students which I believe it is a key factor in their success. I also feel that being able to empathize and being compassionate are my two areas of strength , I always think about how might the other person feel , and I always try to reflect on my behaviors which some times makes me feel that I am so harsh on my self , and as  result I  struggle controlling my own emotions, but  allow others to be emotional .

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As i have stated previously that what it works for our students could work with adults , of course with considering some modifications . we realize as teachers the importance of providing multiple choices and options for our students in the classroom to enhance learning opportunities .Therefore, i believe that it is important to realize the fact that our mentees are different from us as mentors and we should provide choices as what works with us not necessarily work for them, we all have different learning styles , we should not be imposing strategies, we should a resource that encourage creativity. 

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As i have stated previously that what it works for our students could work with adults , of course with considering some modifications . we realize as teachers the importance of providing multiple choices and options for our students in the classroom to enhance learning opportunities .Therefore, i believe that it is important to realize the fact that our mentees are different from us as mentors and we should provide choices as what works with us not necessarily work for them, we all have different learning styles , we should not be imposing strategies, we should a resource that encourage creativity. 

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I believe that providing a lot of teaching moments to our mentees should be our primary goal, and that could be implemented  in terms of modeling , constructive criticism , feedback or providing tangible resources. However, in order for the  teaching moments to be effective, you as a leader has to have a positive relationship with your mentee, as well as building a mutual trust. Also as leaders , we should continue to learn and gain more knowledge in order to benefit our mentees . Needless to say that our teaching strategies  should be research based !

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I believe that providing a lot of teaching moments to our mentees should be our primary goal, and that could be implemented  in terms of modeling , constructive criticism , feedback or providing tangible resources. However, in order for the  teaching moments to be effective, you as a leader has to have a positive relationship with your mentee, as well as building a mutual trust. Also as leaders , we should continue to learn and gain more knowledge in order to benefit our mentees . Needless to say that our teaching strategies  should be research based !

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I use 3 types of paraphrasing in my coaching: acknowledge, organizational & abstract paraphrasing. Acknowledging paraphrases help affirm the thoughts of the teacher and pushes their thinking forward. When a teacher is presenting scattered thoughts or has a myriad of concerns/problems, using an organizational paraphrase helps structure their thoughts so that they now feel more manageable. An abstract paraphrase takes the words of the teacher and helps define what they value. It's a powerful tool for helping teachers identify what they value as they sift through a range of thoughts and emotions.

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I haven't used questions as much as I paraphrase their thoughts and the mentee either signs off on them (verbally or non-verbally) or they will say no, that's not quite right and they clarify.  It's a cognitive coaching style.  When I do use clarifying questions, it's often a simple, "Tell me more about....".  It's effective to help teachers dig deeper and forces them to start exploring the situation deeper so that eventually, they can begin to consider solutions for themselves.  

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I haven't used questions as much as I paraphrase their thoughts and the mentee either signs off on them (verbally or non-verbally) or they will say no, that's not quite right and they clarify.  It's a cognitive coaching style.  When I do use clarifying questions, it's often a simple, "Tell me more about....".  It's effective to help teachers dig deeper and forces them to start exploring the situation deeper so that eventually, they can begin to consider solutions for themselves.  

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I use mediative questions a lot in my coaching.  I have learned that using tentative language (the word might is powerful), plural (options vs option), and positive intent helps build questions that really make the teacher think and do the heavy lifting ("What are some options you've considered that might improve student focus after lunch?").  This style of questioning helps trigger cognitive shifts in teaching because it makes the teacher dig deeper by considering multiple possibilities to problems they are having in the classroom.   

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I use mediative questions a lot in my coaching.  I have learned that using tentative language (the word might is powerful), plural (options vs option), and positive intent helps build questions that really make the teacher think and do the heavy lifting ("What are some options you've considered that might improve student focus after lunch?").  This style of questioning helps trigger cognitive shifts in teaching because it makes the teacher dig deeper by considering multiple possibilities to problems they are having in the classroom.   

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I have worked REALLY hard to be non-judgmental in my responses. My hope in coaching is to affirm their feelings and thoughts and help guide them forward. I should not be the judge of their feelings or thinking. My job is to help them identify them. Also, if I fail to be non-judgmental I end up embedding my beliefs and thinking onto them and eventually, they will become hesitant to share their thinking for fear I will judge them. Coaching has to be an open dialogue where the mentee feels comfortable speaking their truth.

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If the needs arises to provide suggestions I offer three ideas and I will preface them by saying something like, "Here are 3 ideas I have seen other teachers use successfully.".  I then offer 3 ideas and then ask, "Which one of these 3 or perhaps a combination of these 3 speaks to you?".  This allows the mentee to make a decision for themselves.  By removing myself from the suggestions I maintain the coaching relationship with the teacher.  If I offer a suggestion and it fails in the classroom, I lose the trust of the mentee ("I tried what he said and it didn't work.  He doesn't know what he's talking about.").  

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If the needs arises to provide suggestions I offer three ideas and I will preface them by saying something like, "Here are 3 ideas I have seen other teachers use successfully.".  I then offer 3 ideas and then ask, "Which one of these 3 or perhaps a combination of these 3 speaks to you?".  This allows the mentee to make a decision for themselves.  By removing myself from the suggestions I maintain the coaching relationship with the teacher.  If I offer a suggestion and it fails in the classroom, I lose the trust of the mentee ("I tried what he said and it didn't work.  He doesn't know what he's talking about.").  

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I think this tool is really more of a mindset than a tool.  As she said, look for the teachable moments in the coaching conversation and use the previous 5 mentoring language ideas to engender it.    I have to add though, I think it's important not to frame a question as a suggestion.  In other words, "I wonder what might happen if...".  That's really a suggestion in disguise as a meditative question.  I think it's important not to blur the two because they serve different roles.  If you have a suggestion, offer it.  If you have a question, ask it.  But don't disguise your suggestion as a question. 

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I think this tool is really more of a mindset than a tool.  As she said, look for the teachable moments in the coaching conversation and use the previous 5 mentoring language ideas to engender it.    I have to add though, I think it's important not to frame a question as a suggestion.  In other words, "I wonder what might happen if...".  That's really a suggestion in disguise as a meditative question.  I think it's important not to blur the two because they serve different roles.  If you have a suggestion, offer it.  If you have a question, ask it.  But don't disguise your suggestion as a question. 

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Paraphrasing is a mentor language I do not use very often. However, it's very important because it shows your mentee that you are listening to him or her and understanding what has been said. Often times, I am formulating my response in my mind while the speaker is still talking to me, so I probably miss key pieces. I am going to start using paraphrasing in my conversations with colleagues, family members, and friends as a way to practice for using paraphrasing in conversations with a mentee.

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Clarifying is a mentor language that involves asking a question, either directly or implied. This mentor language has worked for me in the past, particularly when I am talking with a coworker about a student of mine. If another teacher tells me that one of my students had a tough time during a class period, such as music, P.E., or library, I might ask, "Can you give me an example of something he or she did?" Sometimes I ask questions starting with "why," but now I realize that those questions may seem judgmental to a mentee.

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I try to ask mediational questions to my students as often as I can to extend their thinking. Some of the questions I ask them are "What do you think would happen if...?" and "What's another way you could solve this problem?" In a conversation with a mentee, I would make sure that I ask similar questions and not jump straight to "This is what I would do..." or "This is what I have done..." because teachers need to thinking critically just as much as our students do.

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I think non-judgmental responses might be a difficult mentor language for me to execute, especially when something did not work. I could see myself asking my mentee, "Have you tried ___ instead of ___?" If something did not work perhaps I could ask my mentee, "In what ways did the lesson go as you expected? What didn't you expect?" or "Are there things you might do differently next time?" This would give my mentee an opportunity to self-assess. In my conversations with my mentee, I need to be open-minded, encouraging, and interested.

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First, I will look for an entry point to provide a suggestion to my mentee. Then, I will deliver the suggestion in an invitational, positive way. I will try to give options for my mentee to choose from. Depending on the situation and my mentee's needs, I might make a suggestion in one of the following ways: pose possibilities, pose direct questions, share an anecdote, reformulate, or give a direct suggestion. Lastly, I will pose a question to invite my mentee to think about how the idea might work in his or her situation.

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I plan to take advantage of teachable moments with my mentee. First, I will recognize when these spontaneous opportunities arise. I will be supportive and to the point when I talk to my mentee about these moments. My attitude and intonation has to be positive when I make the suggestion.