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Safety planning

Personalised action plans

Help with understanding of the impact of domestic abuse on the family

Support in accessing housing, benefits advice, debt advice and legal services

Support at criminal and family courts

Support with reporting incidents to the Police

Support with social care

Support in accessing other services

Referrals to specialist counselling services

Individual face-to-face support and group work sessions aimed at building confidence and self esteem

DAWN builds trusting, supportive and empowering relationships, enabling individuals to move towards achieving their own personal goals.

Through the Freedom Programme, either in a group setting or one to one, DAWN also helps victims and survivors understand the complex dynamics of domestic abuse, reducing the likelihood of them entering future unhealthy relationships.

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DAWN - Domestic Abuse Support - Worcester Community Trust

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Safety planning Personalised action plans Help with understanding of the impact of domestic abuse on the family Support in accessing housing, benefits advice, debt advice and legal services Support at criminal and family courts Support with reporting incidents to the Police Support with social care Support in accessing other services Referrals to specialist counselling services Individual face-to-face support and group work sessions aimed at building confidence and self esteem DAWN builds trusting, supportive and empowering relationships, enabling individuals to move towards achieving their own personal goals.

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Fathers matter. The publication of Michael Lamb's book, The Role of the Father in Child Development, in 1976 marked growing awareness of fathers' role in the development of their offspring. Since its publication, fathers' involvement in childrearing has increased substantially, at least as documented in Western, industrialized countries. In 1970, fathers in four such countries (Belgium, France, the German Democratic Republic, and the United States) worked 50.5 hr per week on average (Roby, 1975). On workdays, they spent an average of 11.8 min on child care (e.g., reading to, playing with, educating, supervising, or traveling with a child), and this doubled to an average of 25.3 min per day on the weekend. As a result of societal changes in these countries, including the increased participation of women and mothers in the labor force, this situation began to change between 1970 and 1980 and men became more active participants in child care. One generation later, in 2010, fathers in five countries (Australia, Denmark, France, Italy, and the United States) spent 34.5 hr per week on average on paid work, and on both weekdays and weekend days, they spent an average of 1.2 hr a day on child care (Craig & Mullan, 2010), a three‐ to six‐fold increase over what their own fathers typically did. Unfortunately, we know less about such changes in non‐Western and less industrialized countries.

Accumulating knowledge points to fathers' role in early child development and highlights neurobiological changes in the transition to parenthood. In this article, we review this literature from the perspective of a biobehavioral model of emergent fatherhood (see Figure ), starting from pregnancy with the transition to parenthood that marks the birth of the father through the first few years after birth. We focus on this phase because researchers and policymakers alike consider the first 1,000 days after conception critical for the child's ability to grow, learn, and thrive (e.g., Berg, 2016; https://thousanddays.org; https://publications.parliament.uk/pa/cm201719/cmselect/cmhealth/1496/1496.pdf). In a similar vein, we suggest that the transition to fatherhood is a critical period in men's lives, with a smoother transition to fatherhood predicting more optimal involvement of fathers in subsequent years. Longitudinal descriptive and experimental studies are needed to test this hypothesis; here, we propose a model with components essential for such studies (see Figure ).

A Biobehavioral Model of Emergent Fatherhood

The transition to fatherhood is a major developmental milestone for men. Inspired by Bronfenbrenner's bioecological perspective (Bronfenbrenner & Ceci, 1994), we propose a model of the transition to fatherhood that considers many levels, including the sociocultural level with respect to different expectations of fathers, childrearing attitudes, and involvement with infants. This level may influence the types of behavior fathers engage in with their infants (see Figure ). As Figure also shows, we propose bidirectional relations between fathering behaviors and hormonal and neural components in the prenatal, perinatal, and postnatal phases. We discuss each of these areas to show how they affect and are affected by the transition to parenthood. Research has described these transitions in mothers more frequently than in fathers, but the effects of fathering on child development, in and of itself and in interaction with maternal behavior, have also been shown (Dagan & Sagi‐Schwartz, 2018). Therefore, we need a complementary focus on fathers.

Sociocultural Factors

Sociocultural norms and values with regard to fathers' involvement in child care have changed over time, affecting fathers' personal norms and behaviors. Along with these changes, paid paternity leave has become more accessible, increasing opportunities for paternal caregiving that in turn may lead to hormonal and neural changes in fathers (see Figure ). But significant differences in parental leave create disparities in opportunities for fathers' involvement in infants' care. Of the 186 countries examined in one study (Heymann & McNeill, 2013), 179 provided paid maternity leave, and 81 countries extended paid leave to new fathers through parental leave that could be taken by either parent, or through paternity leave specific to fathers. The United States is one of few industrialized countries without any statutory national paid family leave provisions for either parent. On the other end of the continuum, Sweden allows parents 540 days of paid parental leave per child, of which 90 days are nontransferable for each parent, with the right to return to employment. Not all fathers use the opportunities for paid leave, and in general, fathers take leave less frequently than mothers.

Why do couples use more maternal leave than paternal leave? First, breastfeeding favors the mother's proximity to the infant, particularly during the first 6 months of the infant's life. Second, because of income differences between men and women, it is often economically less feasible for fathers to reduce their working hours than it is for mothers. Third, work‐related and social expectations may push mothers into the role of primary caregivers and fathers into the role of secondary caregivers. Fourth, mothers may be (unconsciously) reluctant to delegate caregiving responsibilities to their partners (maternal gatekeeping; Gaunt, 2008). As a result, fathers spend less than half as much time in direct one‐on‐one interaction with their children as mothers, especially in early childhood (Wood & Repetti, 2004). Although quantity of time invested in parenting is considered less important than quality (Ainsworth, 1967), it takes time to get to know infants, become aware of their preferences, and read their (attachment) signals. Time spent directly responsible for infant care is related linearly to connectivity between parenting‐related brain areas in fathers (Abraham et al., 2014), showing that sociocultural norms that affect paternal involvement (indexing the behavioral level of our model) also affect the neural level indirectly.

Paternal Behavior

For at least two reasons, it is important to realize that fathering starts during pregnancy. First, the prenatal environment has far‐reaching consequences for child development (Glover, O'Donnell, O'Connor, & Fisher, 2018), and fathers can influence that environment positively (e.g., by quitting smoking) and negatively (e.g., by engaging in partner violence). Behaviors that protect the pregnant partner, such as ensuring that she gets sufficient rest and avoids pathogenic foods, protect the infant and benefit the baby's development. Whether and how interindividual and intraindividual variance in such behaviors is related to hormonal and neural variation, and to variation in postnatal parenting behavior, remains to be determined.

Second, expectant fathers may experience somatic pregnancy symptoms, known as the couvade syndrome, including nausea, leg cramps, appetite and mood changes, and weight gain (Mason & Elwood, 1995). Estimates of incidence range from 11 to 79%, depending on what criteria studies use for inclusion. In nonindustrialized societies, the couvade syndrome may be a ritualization of the transition to fatherhood (e.g., in some cultures, the father remains in bed and is nurtured after the birth of the baby, while the mother resumes work), but it may also be related to typical physiological processes in fathers that eventually lead to parental responsiveness (Mason & Elwood, 1995). In one study, fathers with more couvade symptoms had a greater decrease in testosterone after exposure to infant cues (Storey, Walsh, Quinton, & Wynne‐Edwards, 2000). Thus, the symptoms may be observable phenomena resulting from underlying hormonal changes that also predict dimensions of caregiving. Researchers have not yet related the couvade syndrome to the quality of postnatal caregiving.

In the first year of an infant's life, establishing an attachment relationship is an important developmental milestone. Although attachment theory has sometimes been criticized for emphasizing the traditional role of mothers as sole caregivers, both Bowlby ( 1969/1982) and Ainsworth ( 1967) made explicit that fathers were common and capable attachment figures. In fact, Bowlby argued, based on Harlow's ( 1958) experiments with fur and wire rhesus monkey mothers, that (breast‐)feeding was not essential for the infant-parent relationship and that fathers could be capable caregivers of young infants. Indeed, the first study of the Strange Situation Procedure with fathers and mothers showed similar proportions of secure attachment with both parents (Main & Weston, 1981).

Parental responses to infants' interactive behaviors are generally rated in terms of sensitivity or emotional support. Similar to the pattern of associations for mothers, higher levels of paternal sensitivity predict generally more favorable child outcomes. In correlational and experimental research, mothers' sensitivity is associated modestly but robustly with secure infant-mother attachment ( r = .24-.35; Verhage et al., 2016). For fathers, this meta‐analytic association is weaker ( r = .12; Lucassen et al., 2011), with fathers' observed sensitivity sometimes similar to but often lower than mothers' sensitivity (e.g., Volling, McElwain, Notaro, & Herrera, 2002). Indeed, it is not uncommon for studies to report that fathers are substantially less sensitive and less involved than mothers, but that similar proportions of children are securely attached to these fathers and mothers (e.g., Lickenbrock & Braungart‐Rieker, 2015). This might suggest that the sensitivity or attachment measures used with mothers are less valid when used with fathers, or that different dimensions of parenting predict infant-father attachment (Grossmann et al., 2002). Given that the intergenerational transmission of attachment is similar in strength for fathers and mothers (Verhage et al., 2016), the search for paternal behavior underlying this transmission should get more attention. Stimulatory play and support of (cognitive) exploration may be paternal behaviors that promote secure infant-father attachment. Limit‐setting has also been suggested as a specific although not exclusive dimension of the father-child relationship (Grossmann et al., 2002).

Just like with mothers' parenting, fathers' parenting may be hampered by feelings of depression in the postnatal period. The prevalence of perinatal depression in fathers is 4-10% (Paulson, Bazemore, Goodman, & Leiferman, 2016), and fathers' depression has been associated with problem behavior in children (Ramchandani, Stein, Evans, & O'Connor, 2005) and subsequent depression in the children themselves (Gutierrez‐Galve et al., 2018). Paternal perinatal depression influences the father-child relationship and is related to less optimal relationships between couples as well as to maternal depression (Paulson et al., 2016), doubling the risk for unfavorable child outcomes. As in mothers, in fathers, hormonal imbalances may be related to postpartum depression (Saxbe et al., 2018), but lack of sufficient sleep may also play a role: 35% of parents with children under age 2 report that they get only 5-6 hr of sleep per night (Krueger & Friedman, 2009). Identifying risk factors for paternal perinatal depression is an important step toward prevention, ideally before the baby is born.

Hormones

When women get pregnant, they experience hormonal changes. Oxytocin levels increase during pregnancy, as do levels of estradiol, testosterone, and cortisol (Edelstein et al., 2017). After a peak in oxytocin and cortisol around childbirth, levels decrease in the postpartum period. Do any hormonal changes prepare men for fatherhood?

Over the course of pregnancy, testosterone and estradiol decline in men, and in one study, men with greater declines were more involved in child care after birth (Edelstein et al., 2017). Indeed, testosterone is generally considered favorable to mating and unfavorable to parenting efforts, and in primary studies (e.g., Gettler, McDade, Feranil, & Kuzawa, 2011) and meta‐analyses, fathers tend to have lower levels of testosterone than nonfathers, but the effect size is modest ( r = .11; Meijer, Van IJzendoorn, & Bakermans‐Kranenburg, 2019); this is probably because downregulation of testosterone levels depends on fathers' actual involvement in child care and the presence or absence of other competitive demands. In one study, fathers' lower basal testosterone in the immediate postnatal period predicted more involvement in child care 2-4 months later (Kuo et al., 2018). Fathers with lower basal testosterone levels tend to engage in higher‐quality parenting (meta‐analytic effect size r = .07; Meijer et al., 2019). However, testosterone may prepare fathers for caregiving; for example, exposure to cry stimuli increases fathers' testosterone levels (Fleming, Corter, Stallings, & Steiner, 2002; Van Anders, Tolman, & Volling, 2012).

Monogamous male prairie voles have elevated levels of the hormone vasopressin after mating, leading to territoriality and partner protection (Winslow, Hastings, Carter, Harbaugh, & Insel, 1993). Similar preparatory mechanisms, including enhanced sensitivity to vasopressin, may be found in humans. Administering vasopressin to expectant fathers promoted attention to virtual baby‐related avatars (Cohen‐Bendahan, Beijers, Van Doornen, & de Weerth, 2015), and affected neural and behavioral responses to sounds of infants crying (Alyousefi‐Van Dijk et al., 2019; Thijssen et al., 2018), pointing to a role for vasopressin in responding to infant distress. Moreover, vasopressin levels may be related to fathers' stimulatory interaction with their infants (Abraham & Feldman, 2018).

Levels of oxytocin, another hormone related to parenting (Feldman & Bakermans‐Kranenburg, 2017), increased over the first 6 months of fatherhood and after stimulatory play (Abraham & Feldman, 2018), while experimentally increased oxytocin levels led to more stimulatory play in fathers (Naber, Van IJzendoorn, Deschamps, Van Engeland, & Bakermans‐Kranenburg, 2010). This experimental study was also the first to show that administering oxytocin to fathers affected fathers' behavior.

Cortisol may also play a role in fathers' parenting. In mothers, higher levels of cortisol when babies are 2-24 months old are related to lower maternal sensitivity (Finegood, Blair, Granger, Hibel, & Mills‐Koonce, 2016), but directly after birth, high levels of cortisol are associated with more affectionate infant‐directed behavior (Fleming, Steiner, & Corter, 1997). In fathers, cortisol levels increase in response to infant crying (Fleming et al., 2002), and decrease when they hold their newborn (Kuo et al., 2018) or interact with their toddler (Storey, Noseworthy, Delahunty, Halfyard, & McKay, 2011). The distinction between basal cortisol levels and cortisol reactivity may be essential. Cortisol reactivity may be functional in responding to stressors such as the birth experience or infant distress, but (chronic) high cortisol levels may not be conducive to sensitive parenting. Indeed, in one study, fathers' higher prenatal cortisol levels predicted lower quality of parenting 6 weeks postnatally (Bos et al., 2018). Moreover, cortisol may interact with testosterone in relation to parenting behavior. During prenatal care of a life‐like infant doll, cortisol was negatively associated with quality of caregiving in fathers with high testosterone levels (Bos et al., 2018).

In summary, hormonal changes in the transition to fatherhood seem related to parenting behavior bidirectionally (see Figure ). Moreover, hormonal changes may induce or accompany changes in brain structure and functioning. Next, we turn to this issue.

Neural Networks

In mothers, reductions in grey matter volume in brain areas related to parenting have been observed from before to after pregnancy, while no such changes have been apparent in fathers (Hoekzema et al., 2016). However, changes in fathers' grey matter volume in the postnatal period (between 2-4 weeks and 12-16 weeks after birth) have been seen (Kim et al., 2014). In animals, grey matter volume increased in brain regions involved in the detection of salient infant cues and regulating parenting behaviors, and that are especially sensitive to oxytocin and vasopressin through high densities of the pertinent receptors. Structural brain changes in new mothers can be induced by endocrine changes around pregnancy and childbirth, or by caregiving experiences after birth that may differ between mothers (who are often primary caregivers) and fathers (who are often secondary caregivers). To disentangle these two factors, and focusing on neural responses rather than morphology, one study compared primary caregiving mothers, secondary caregiving fathers, and primary caregiving (homosexual) fathers after the birth of their first child (Abraham et al., 2014). When watching themselves interact with their infant, primary caregiving fathers were similar to secondary caregiving fathers in the activation of their superior temporal sulcus (STS), the social understanding network, but similar to mothers in the activation of their amygdala, the emotional processing network. This points to the influence of caregiving experiences on brain functionality, which is corroborated by the finding that the connectivity between the STS and the amygdala increased linearly with time spent directly responsible for infant care.

In a meta‐analysis of brain responses of 350 people, 95 of whom were fathers, to sounds of infants' cries, men showed more activity than women in the right inferior frontal gyrus (IFG), extending into the temporal pole and left angular gyrus (Witteman et al., 2019). The right IFG is involved in mentalizing, while the angular gyrus is involved in semantic processing. This suggests that men may preferentially activate a mentalizing network when processing infants' cries. Women showed more activity in the insula (involved in emotional processing). The meta‐analysis also compared parents and (partnered) nonparents. Compared to adults without children, parents shifted toward more activity in a sensorimotor network including the insula, pre‐ and postcentral gyrus, and right putamen, enabling the integration of emotional information with somatosensory and motor information, and paving the way for behavioral responses (see Figure ).

A study of processing threat to infants looked at the neural basis for protective parenting before and after the birth of fathers' first child (Van 't Veer, Thijssen, Witteman, Van IJzendoorn, & Bakermans‐Kranenburg, 2019). In this imaging study, fathers viewed videos of an infant in danger and a matched control video without such danger, and were told to imagine that the infant was their own or someone else's. Neural responses in bilateral motor areas, possibly indicating preparation for action, were stronger when fathers‐to‐be imagined that the threatened infant was their own rather than someone else's, but after the birth of their baby, the distinction between responses to one's own and someone else's infant faded (Van 't Veer et al., 2019). This suggests that protective mechanisms present during pregnancy may broaden to include other babies after the experience of having an infant.

Directions for Research and Intervention: The Father‐to‐Be

After decades in which men and infants were often perceived as inhabiting different worlds, their worlds have met. The transition to fatherhood is a major life event that may predict parenting involvement and child development through toddlerhood and middle childhood into adolescence. In our review, we focused on fathering in the first 1,000 days, and father-infant interaction can be supported as early as pregnancy. In our lab, we tested a prenatal video‐feedback intervention program using ultrasounds between the 21st and 30th week of pregnancy. Each father is invited to interact with the fetus, verbally or by softly massaging the infant through the mother's abdominal wall. The baby's response is seen through ultrasound, a safe and noninvasive way to watch and wonder about the unborn child. The interaction is videotaped and reviewed with the father in three sessions, focusing on (a) the infant's attachment versus exploration signals, (b) speaking for the baby ( e.g., she seems really relaxed when you sing that song for her), and (c) sensitivity chains (movement of the fetus, parental response, potential response of the fetus). The parenting coach doing the intervention uses the video fragments to illustrate each theme. Seeing the infants respond to their fathers singing or reading to them is a moving experience, one that hopefully creates a head start for fathers.

Prenatal fathering experiences like this may support and extend the increased involvement of fathers in childrearing that we have seen in the past 50 years. Since involvement in caregiving affects fathers' hormonal and neural functioning, such effects on fathers may be lasting, but this issue requires further research. The question of how changes in men's behavior, and in their hormonal and neural functioning in the prenatal period are related to each other and to sociocultural factors warrants more attention. Sociocultural norms and expectations regarding fathers' involvement during pregnancy may set the stage for fathers' involvement after birth. Given the effects of fathering on child development, researchers and policymakers should give a more prominent place to fathers during pregnancy and the early postnatal period for the sake of the child and the family.

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Birth of a Father: Fathering in the First 1,000 Days

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As a result of societal changes, fathers participate more actively in child care than they used to. In this article, we propose a context‐dependent biobehavioral model of emergent fatherhood in which sociocultural, behavioral, hormonal, and neural ...

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Symptoms of postpartum psychosis

The symptoms of postpartum psychosis (PP) can be distressing and scary. It is most common for them to begin in the first two weeks after birth, often in the first few days after having your baby.

Symptoms can also start later, several weeks after the baby is born. This is more rare.

Not everyone has every symptom. Different mums have different experiences. Sometimes you may feel 'back to normal' but then symptoms appear again. They can change very quickly from hour to hour and one day to the next. You can read about our research into the early signs of PP here.

"I was very anxious and irritable one minute, singing and laughing the next, unable to sleep or relax, becoming paranoid and hallucinating."

You may not realise you are ill. Your partner, family or friends may recognise something is wrong and need to ask for help.

If you are diagnosed with postpartum psychosis, you will have one or more of these symptoms of psychosis.

Delusions

Delusions are strong beliefs that others do not share. There are many different types of delusion. For example, you might believe:

you are being followed,

your thoughts are being read,

you are very powerful and can't be harmed,

your baby is connected to God or the devil in some way,

that someone is trying to control or harm you or your baby (this can be very scary and is sometimes called paranoia),

you have special insight and can receive messages from things around you like colours, everyday events or stories on the TV.

Hallucinations

Hallucinations are when you hear, see, feel or smell things that are not there, or that others cannot. This can include hearing voices that could be nice or nasty, feeling things crawling on your skin or seeing things other people don't.

Mania

Mania is when you have a very high mood, behave in an over active and excited way that has a significant impact on your day-to-day life.

Confusion

Your thoughts might feel as if they are going so fast they are out of control. You may also feel that your mind is moving very quickly from one idea to the next, making links and connections that other people don't see. This is called severe confusion or disorganised thinking.

Other signs and symptoms

Feeling:

excited, elated or 'high',

depressed, anxious or confused,

very irritable, agitated, restless,

paranoid or suspicious of what people are doing and why,

as if everyday events or stories on the TV or radio have special personal meaning,

very energetic and like a 'super-mum',

as if you don't need to sleep.

You may also:

be very talkative, sociable or on the phone an excessive amount,

talk very fast and stumble over your words,

find it difficult to keep your attention on one thing, changing the topic of conversation quickly,

be very withdrawn,

behave in a way that is out of character and out of control,

have trouble sleeping or not want to sleep,

lose your inhibitions,

experience rapid changes in mood.

If you are experiencing any of these symptoms, you will probably need help looking after yourself and your baby.

If you are planning a pregnancy and you are at a high risk of postpartum psychosis, you may find it helpful to have a look at our research on the first signs of PP. This research was conducted with women who experienced an episode of PP. Looking out for them may help you get treatment earlier if you need it.

Is it 'baby blues', postnatal depression or postpartum psychosis?

It's common to experience many different emotions after having a baby. More than half of new mothers will experience the 'baby blues'. They usually start 3 to 4 days after birth. You may have mood swings, feel irritable, low or anxious and cry easily. These feelings usually stop by the time the baby is 10 days old. You don't need treatment for the baby blues.

Symptoms of postnatal depression or anxiety are similar to symptoms of depression or anxiety at other times. For instance, you may experience low mood and difficulty sleeping. You may need treatment for postnatal depression but it will be different to the treatment for postpartum psychosis.

If you are experiencing delusions, hallucinations, mania or severe confusion as well as other symptoms, it may be postpartum psychosis.

Someone I know is showing symptoms of postpartum psychosis.

If someone you know seems to be behaving strangely after having a baby, it's important to ask for help. Symptoms can get worse very quickly. Getting the correct treatment as soon as possible can reduce illness severity and recovery time.

For some women, symptoms develop very quickly but for others it is more gradual.

Symptoms can vary throughout the day, and women may have times when they seem 'back to normal'. It may help to write down things you have noticed to show health professionals when they do an assessment.

If you feel at all worried about any of the symptoms on this page don't delay in talking to your GP, out-of-hours service, midwife, health visitor or mental health crisis team (if you have one). You might also find it helpful to visit our online community and our information on supporting someone with postpartum psychosis.

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The symptoms of postpartum psychosis (PP) can be distressing and scary. It is most common for them to begin in the first two weeks after birth, often in the first few days after having your baby. Symptoms can also start later, several weeks after the baby is born. This is more rare.

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Safety planning

Personalised action plans

Help with understanding of the impact of domestic abuse on the family

Support in accessing housing, benefits advice, debt advice and legal services

Support at criminal and family courts

Support with reporting incidents to the Police

Support with social care

Support in accessing other services

Referrals to specialist counselling services

Individual face-to-face support and group work sessions aimed at building confidence and self esteem

DAWN builds trusting, supportive and empowering relationships, enabling individuals to move towards achieving their own personal goals.

Through the Freedom Programme, either in a group setting or one to one, DAWN also helps victims and survivors understand the complex dynamics of domestic abuse, reducing the likelihood of them entering future unhealthy relationships.

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DAWN - Domestic Abuse Support - Worcester Community Trust

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Safety planning Personalised action plans Help with understanding of the impact of domestic abuse on the family Support in accessing housing, benefits advice, debt advice and legal services Support at criminal and family courts Support with reporting incidents to the Police Support with social care Support in accessing other services Referrals to specialist counselling services Individual face-to-face support and group work sessions aimed at building confidence and self esteem DAWN builds trusting, supportive and empowering relationships, enabling individuals to move towards achieving their own personal goals.

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Don't suffer in silence - Worcestershire 24-hour Domestic Abuse Helpline

0800 980 3331

Call today to talk to someone in confidence

Domestic abuse, sometimes referred to as domestic violence, can happen to anyone and it is thought as many as one in four people will experience some form of domestic abuse in their life. Domestic abuse includes physical, emotional and sexual abuse in couple relationships or between family members. The Government recently changed the legal definition of domestic abuse to include coercive control.

If you are experiencing domestic abuse it is important to tell someone. Help and support is available via doctors, health visitors, midwives and organisations like Women's Aid and the Men's Advice Line. In an emergency call 999.

Women's Aid provides an online Survivors Handbook which has lots of practical support and information for women experiencing domestic abuse. It includes information for women from black and ethnic minority communities, women with disabilities, lesbian and bisexual women. There is information about how to help children living with domestic abuse and much more besides.

More information about local support services, recovery programmes and support with legal processes can be found on the Worcestershire County Council website.

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Domestic abuse - Worcestershire Safeguarding Boards

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Don't suffer in silence - Worcestershire 24-hour Domestic Abuse Helpline 0800 980 3331 Call today to talk to someone in [...]

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Single parents raising happy, healthy children

Children do well when they have parenting that's nurturing, warm, sensitive, responsive and flexible. This is regardless of how many parents they have in their lives.

And regardless of your family arrangements, you can help your child grow and develop well by:

thinking about how to meet your child's needs

staying calm and managing your own emotions and responses

getting information that helps you feel confident about parenting

getting support from family and friends.

If you're single parenting because of separation or divorce, it's important to make sure your child knows that both their parents still love them and that the separation isn't your child's fault.

Building positive relationships with children as a single parent

A positive relationship with you will help your child feel secure and loved. This can help them cope with any changes in your family situation. A positive relationship will help you feel good too.

Here are ways you can nurture your relationship with your child.

Make the most of everyday moments
Quality time with your child can happen anytime and anywhere. You can talk while cooking or eating dinner together. You can play word games on the bus, have a singalong in the car, or tell funny stories at bedtime.

Show interest
You can do this in many ways. For example:

Talk about your child's favourite things, from sport to music to books to how things work.

Get your child to show you their favourite app or teach you to play their favourite game.

Try to get to school performances or sporting events.

Give your child positive attention
Positive attention is responding to your child with warmth and interest. It can be as simple as smiling, laughing or hugging your child as often as you can. You can also show your child that you're happy to see them first thing in the morning and when they come home from child care, kindergarten or school.

Make one-on-one time
If you have more than one child, try to make some regular time alone with each child. It could be a book before bed with a younger child or a quiet game with an older child when the younger ones are asleep.

Praise is when you tell your child that you like what they're doing or how they're behaving. It's a great way to strengthen your relationship and help your child feel good about themselves. It can also encourage positive behaviour.

Encouraging positive behaviour when you're a single parent

Clear rules, limits and boundaries will encourage your child to behave in positive ways.

This approach is good for other reasons too. It helps your child feel safe and secure, and it helps you behave consistently towards your child. And when your child feels safe and has consistency from you, it can help them cope with other changes in their lives.

Here are some ideas for encouraging positive behaviour and helping your child feel safe and secure.

Set clear rules
Talk with your child about the family rules and consequences that apply when they're with you. Family rules are positive statements about how you want to behave towards each other. Rules can help everyone in your family get along better and make your family life more positive and peaceful. It's OK if your rules are different from those of your child's other parent.

Try to be consistent
If your family has experienced a separation or other major change, you might feel reluctant to follow through on rules and consequences. You might feel that your child has been through enough. But if you guide your child's behaviour in a consistent way, it sends the message that some things, like the rules, don't change. This not only encourages positive behaviour, but it also gives your child the security and consistency they need.

Use routines
Routines encourage positive behaviour because they make it clear who should do what, when, in what order and how often. They also help family life run smoothly. This can give you more time for doing enjoyable things with your child, which is good for your relationship and your child's wellbeing.

Tune in to feelings
Your child might be feeling some strong emotions, like frustration, anger, shame or grief. Helping your child understand and manage their emotions can be a way of guiding them towards positive behaviour.

And if your child is sometimes overwhelmed by their emotions, you can help them calm down. Try time-in for toddlers, calming down steps for children, and calming down steps for pre-teens and teenagers.

If you're single parenting because of a recent separation, you might see some difficult behaviour from your child. For example, some children might have more tantrums or argue more often. If you're worried about your child's behaviour, a good first step is speaking to your child's GP, child and family health nurse or educator.

Being kind to yourself

As a single parent, you might sometimes be hard on yourself. You might compare yourself to other parents and judge yourself harshly. Self-compassion is about being kind to yourself and remembering that you're doing your best, even when things aren't going to plan.

Self-compassion supports your mental health and wellbeing. It helps you feel less stressed and anxious so that you're better able to give your child what they need to grow and develop well.

Self-compassion starts with noticing your feelings. If you're being hard on yourself, the next step is to remind yourself that raising children is a big job. It's OK to find it hard and need help. The last step is just to say something kind to yourself, like 'Other parents find this hard too - I'm not alone'.

If you're finding it difficult to be kind to yourself, it's a good idea to speak to your GP. They can refer you to support services.

As a single parent, your positive attitude, strength and determination can give your child an example that lasts for life. You can show your child that you can keep going - even when things are difficult.

Handling your feelings and grown-up issues

Parents in all families can feel sad, angry or upset in times of stress. When this happens, it's important to let your child know that you love them and that your feelings and reactions are not about them. It's also good to reassure your child that things will get better, that you have people who can support you, and that you'll be there for them.

If your child is old enough to understand, try being clear, direct and honest about what's bothering you, but without too much detail. For example, 'I had a bad day at work today. I'm in a grumpy mood'. Expressing your feelings helps children learn to express their own.

As a general rule, keep grown-up issues out of discussions with your child. Adult problems - like financial concerns, relationship problems or conflict with your child's other parent - can make children feel very anxious. It's best to use your own support network.

Looking after yourself

When you're focused on looking after a child, you might forget or run out of time to look after yourself. But looking after yourself physically, mentally and emotionally is good for you and good for your children.

An essential part of looking after yourself as a single parent is getting support. It's a good idea to think about who you can call on for help when you need it, and what types of support the people around you can offer. It might be practical help with day-to-day tasks, emotional support for you, or information and advice.

There are many services that support parents and families. If you're feeling overwhelmed by the demands of caring for your child, a parenting helpline is a great place to start. If you need to talk to someone urgently, call Lifeline on 131 114.

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Children do well when they have parenting that's nurturing, warm, sensitive, responsive and flexible. This is regardless of how many parents they have in their lives. And regardless of your family arrangements, you can help your child grow and develop well by: thinking about how to meet your child's needs staying calm and managing your own emotions and responses getting information that helps you feel confident about parenting getting support from family and friends.

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How to not need a holiday after the holidays

The holidays can be a stressful time for single parents, Natalie is a volunteer in our Wellbeing Digital Group and recently held an online workshop where she shared her 'go to' tools for managing the...

Read more

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We are Gingerbread, the charity for single parent families. We provide expert advice and practical support for single mums and dads in England and Wales.

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Perinatal Mental Health - Mothers and Partners

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About homosexual parenting, attitude of the society towards same-sex parents and common concerns of gay and lesbian parents in regard to the effect of their sexual orientation on their children.

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Perinatal Support in Herefordshire and Worcestershire

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Are You Ready - Take a quick quiz to find out whether you're ready for pregnancy, and receive tailored advice on what you can do pre-pregnancy to have a healthy pregnancy and baby.

Active Herefordshire and Worcestershire - Aiming to inspire women and girls across the two counties to get active in a way that suits them. i

Start4life - Trusted NHS help and advice during pregnancy, birth and parenthood

Healthy Start - Pregnant or children under 4? You could be entitled to free vouchers every week to spend on milk, plain fresh and frozen fruit and vegetables, and infant formula milk.

Starting Well in Worcestershire - help and support to children, young people and families in Worcestershire.

Becoming Families - a range of educational and support services from pregnancy to 2 years, to help Worcestershire families have the best possible start.

Family Information Directory Herefordshire - information for parents on childcare and family support.

NHS Pregnancy and Baby guide - Whatever you want to know about getting pregnant, being pregnant or caring for your new baby, you should find it here

LabourPains.com - information from doctors, midwives and mothers on pain relief and anaesthesia choices for your baby's birth.

Lullaby Trust - expert advice on safer sleep for babies and emotional support for bereaved families.

Basis - information about safer infant sleep and night-time care.

First Steps Nutrition - information and resources to support eating well from pre-conception to five years.

Maternity and paternity benefits and leave - an NHS site which lists the benefits you're entitled to when you're pregnant, and has information on maternity, paternity and shared parental leave.

Best Beginnings - practical, simple, educational and interactive tools to support parents-to-be and new parents. Including the award-winning Baby Buddy app.

National Domestic Abuse Helpline - Freephone 0808 2000 247

Tommy's - support for parents and families who lose a baby, experience premature birth and to help everyone have a safe and healthy pregnancy.

South West Midlands Neonatal Operational Delivery Network - information if you are having a high risk pregnancy and your baby is expected to need extra care after birth, or your baby may already be born and is being cared for on a Neonatal Unit.

Kicks Count - raising awareness of the importance of monitoring baby's movements.

Bliss - help and support for parents of babies born sick or premature.

Sands - free support to anyone affected by the death of a baby.

National Childbirth Trust - information and support in pregnancy, birth and early parenthood.

Down's Syndrome Association - information and advice about Down's Syndrome.

Twins and Multiple Births Association (TAMBA) - advice and information if you are expecting twins, triplets or more.

Miscarriage Association - advice for those affected by miscarriage, molar pregnancy or ectopic pregnancy.

Mind - support for mental health problems.

PANDAS Foundation UK - pre and post natal depression advice and support

Unicef - information on baby-friendly care and overcoming breastfeeding challenges

The Breastfeeding Network - independent support and information for breastfeeding women and others.

Worcestershire Healthy Minds - support for over 16s who are experiencing problems such as stress, anxiety, low mood and depression.

Let's Talk - mental health support for the residents of Herefordshire and Gloucestershire
Perinatal mental health service Worcestershire Perinatal mental health services Herefordshire
Samaritans - Support 24/7 365 days a year, whatever you're going through. Freephone 116 123.

Healthwatch Worcestershire - giving the public, patients and users of health and social care services in Worcestershire a voice

Healthwatch Herefordshire - giving the public, patients and users of health and social care services in Herefordshire a voice

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Are You Ready - Take a quick quiz to find out whether you're ready for pregnancy, and receive tailored advice on what you can do pre-pregnancy to have a healthy pregnancy and baby. Active Herefordshire and Worcestershire - Aiming to inspire women and girls across the two counties to get active in a way that suits them.

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Information on parenting rights, parental responsibility, adopting, fostering, co-parenting, fertility treatment and surrogacy for lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans (LGBT) people.

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When it comes to parenting, the challenges will be much the same, whether you are same-sex parents or not. That said, there might be additional concerns for same-sex parents as they can face problems regarding being accepted into society, and feeling supported. Family Lives does recognise that this is improving as same-sex families become more recognised as part of today's society, but there is always room for improvement.

If you are in a same-sex relationship but have children from a previous heterosexual relationship, you might have concerns about losing custody, or fear that the courts will look favourably towards heterosexual parents. If you had children through donor insemination you might have the additional worry later in life when your children might start to wonder who their donor father is.

Children growing up in same-sex parented families might have concerns about how others might view their family and whether they will be looked at differently to their peers who might live with a mum and dad. These are all real concerns for children and it is important that they reassured on a continual basis. Same-sex parents might also be concerned about whether their children will be affected by growing up in a household of same-sex parents and what impact this might have on later life, if any.

So what challenges are same-sex parents likely to face?

Same-sex families encounter challenges similar to other families but also have some very different concerns such as worrying about whether their child will be bullied for having a different family life setting. There are ways that you can help your children with this such as pointing out the things you think are special about your family life. You can also talk to them about discrimination and help them think about why people tease or bully others, whilst reinforcing that this is not acceptable behaviour and they have done nothing wrong to deserve to be treated in this way.

Prejudice is another challenge that same-sex parents face either on a personal level or an institutional level where there is a lack of support, understanding, services and legislation. Children might suffer at school because they are not accepted by their peers or because their teachers are insensitive to their family set up and find it easy to blame their family life for any trouble.

So what can you do to help your child?

Get some books that deal with these issues that are age appropriate. They can then read these in their own time at their own pace.

Getting the school involved might also be helpful and you might like to speak to the teacher to see if they would be willing to talk about family structures to help educate other children.

Joining a local support group so your children can meet others in a similar situation which might help if they feel as though they are struggling to "fit in" society. If no such groups exist, how about doing some research into setting your own group up in your local area?

Further Support

You can get in touch with Stonewall as they can offer advice, support and information. Please click here for more. information.

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Same sex parenting, gap parents - Family Lives

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When it comes to parenting, the challenges will be much the same, whether you are same-sex parents or not. That said, there might be additional concerns for same-sex parents as they can face problems regarding being accepted into society, and feeling supported.

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National Family Support Charity

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Parenting and Family Support - Family Lives (Parentline Plus) | Family Lives

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Parenting and family support from Family Lives (formerly Parentline Plus) through our website, helpline 0808 800 2222, email service at askus@familylives.org.uk, live chat and local services.

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When families separate, children's sense of belonging can become fractured. All of the positive things that the family structure offered them can be lost and parents can become so consumed by what's happening to them that they forget about their children's needs. It's vital, therefore, that adults who separate work as hard as they possibly can to deliver the kind of consistent, safe and nourishing parenting that their children will need in order for them to grow up feeling happy and secure.

Children of separated families often talk about feeling split in two because their parents have been unable to build the kind of cooperative, flexible and respectful parenting relationship that would allow them to concentrate on learning and growing rather than protecting themselves from the fallout of the separation.

Your children don't have to grow up feeling split in two. You can provide the kind of parenting that will allow them to reach their full potential and become happy successful adults. It won't necessarily be easy, but it will be worth it.

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When families separate, children's sense of belonging can become fractured. All of the positive things that the family structure offered them can be lost and parents can become so consumed by what's happening to them that they forget about their children's needs.

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Separation - Parenting apart

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Cafcass - Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service

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"When my ex-wife and I divorced we were struggling to communicate and come to an agreement about child arrangements for our two sons. We entered into family court proceedings at the end of summer 2014 and the situation became even more difficult and stressful for all of us. I had spoken to a number of lawyers, and decided that I would only appoint a collaborative lawyer, or one who is a member of Resolution, an organisation that works to help people cooperate in a non-confrontational manner, avoiding inflammatory language, in order to achieve outcomes in the best interests of the children. They advised that calm negotiation achieves the best results and I hoped my ex-wife and I could resolve matters this way. I had also considered trying family mediation but the other party wrote to say that they did not want to follow this route.

"Court proceedings became inevitable, and were both stressful and tiring. Soon after the first court order had been made I realised that there were some important arrangements which hadn't been clarified in it, and unfortunately, they became contentious. These included agreeing what actions my ex-wife and I would take when the children were sick or off from school on inset training days, and also arrangements around indirect contact. Once again, we were unable to reach an agreement and had to go back to court to get a revised court order.

"If I'd had access to the Parenting Plan back in the summer of 2014, before the first hearing, I believe my ex-wife and I would have been in a clearer, calmer position to sit down together and negotiate the child arrangements in the best interests of my sons. Perhaps we could have worked through the booklet together to agree arrangements that we were all happy with, avoiding the need for court proceedings. When I was sent the Parenting Plan by my Cafcass Officer, for completion before the court hearing, I went home and worked through it by myself, then took advice from my new partner and my parents, as a sense check.

"I found it useful because it raised a number of questions which helped me to consider parenting situations and eventualities I might not have otherwise anticipated - exactly the reason why I had to return to court to amend the court order regarding my sons in the first place! The Parenting Plan prompts you to think about those situations that may arise where both parents need to make a decision together; for example, my ex-wife and I needed to talk when my eldest son was choosing his GCSE options. It also encourages forward planning: how might childcare dynamics change when new partners are introduced, as in my own case?

"When you are in the thick of it, emotions run high and it is hard to see things clearly. Viewing my situation objectively and also taking the wishes and feelings of my ex-wife and children into consideration meant I was able to gather a sense of what we all really wanted, and also what seemed reasonable for all concerned. If you're struggling to come to agreement, the Plan will help you take a step back from your situation and view it in its entirety so you can decide what is in the best interests of your children. I also believe that even if you try to complete the Plan with answers you think are "text book" or reasonable, that doesn't matter; the fact that you are trying to rationalise and be self-aware is a really good thing.

"Crucially, the Parenting Plan actually made me reconsider and revise the outcomes I sought to achieve for my family in the subsequent hearing. What's more, it is completely free and available to anyone on the Cafcass website, irrespective of whether or not you have chosen to go down the route of court proceedings. It's certainly a lot cheaper than spending thousands of pounds on solicitors' fees!

"In my opinion, the Parenting Plan should go hand in hand with the MIAM (Mediation Information Assessment Meeting) which is mandatory for both parties before they decide to enter family proceedings. It's important that parents are willing to participate, negotiate and work together to decide on arrangements, whether filling out the Parenting Plan separately, or ideally together.

"If we'd had this resource at the beginning of our separation, I believe my ex-wife and I would have been able to work amicably to agree on the best arrangements for our sons and we would have saved a lot of money, time and angst. Most importantly the strain of our separation on our boys could have also been far less."

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Parenting Plan - Cafcass - Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service

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"When my ex-wife and I divorced we were struggling to communicate and come to an agreement about child arrangements for our two sons. We entered into family court proceedings at the end of summer 2014 and the situation became even more difficult and stressful for all of us.

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Supporting Same Sex families by telling our story to become Dads via UK Surrogacy

We (Wes and Michael) are on a mission to help raise awareness of Same-Sex Parenting and help normalise our own modern family, as we hopefully help shine the spotlight, positively on families like ours, with either two mommies or two daddies. We're already very proud to have already supported implementing change with the introduction of new guidance to Healthcare professionals issued by the Department of Health advising how to fairly treat Surrogates and Intended Parents (IP's). More recently in October 2018 we were invited to the Houses of Parliament by the All Party Parliamentary Group (APPG) in relation to the Surrogacy Law Reform to provide the panel of MP's an account of our 'lived experience' as two dads via UK Surrogacy. We're also huge fans of UK Surrogacy and we enjoy nothing more than telling our story and helping other IP's understand how accessible UK Surrogacy is vs. going abroad. But there's more to do, and now that our family grew a little in August 2019, with the birth of our son Duke, our lives became a tiny bit busier.

More exciting projects to come...

We're driven to help other same-sex couples and other single gay people realise that becoming a parent shouldn't be just a dream. Anything is possible, and we want to show you how to make these dreams come true. Importantly we're also keen to show the world that gays have kids too, and guess what? We're bloody fabulous at it too.

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We (Wes and Michael) are on a mission to help raise awareness of Same-Sex Parenting and help normalise our own modern family, as we hopefully help shine the spotlight, positively on families like ours, with either two mommies or two daddies.

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Miscarriage / Stillbirth / Neonatal Death Support

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Miscarriage / Stillbirth / Neonatal Death Support

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When a pregnancy ends or a baby dies, it causes devastation. Giving birth to a premature baby is emotionally traumatic as well as physically, and parents who find themselves in these situations can be totally overwhelmed, and in desperate need of answers.

Through our clinics, research centres, and support phone line run by the team of Tommy's midwives, we are here to support parents and families who go through these experiences.

Tommy's also provides life-saving pregnancy information to all parents around the UK, to raise awareness of all steps they can take to can make pregnancy safer.

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When a pregnancy ends or a baby dies, it causes devastation. Giving birth to a premature baby is emotionally traumatic as well as physically, and parents who find themselves in these situations can be totally overwhelmed, and in desperate need of answers.

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Your mental wellbeing during pregnancy and after is just as important as your physical wellbeing. Read more about the campaign.

Your baby's mum

Watch our short video that explains how your mental wellbeing is important, because you are your baby's mum and no one is more important to your baby than you. Create your own plan.

Make your wellbeing plan now

Wherever you are in your pregnancy, it's important to focus on your own wellbeing as well as the baby's. That's why we've created a tool to help you make a Wellbeing Plan, which will help you feel good now and be supported after the birth.

Start building your plan now

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Your mental wellbeing during pregnancy and after is just as important as your physical wellbeing. Read more about the campaign. Watch our short video that explains how your mental wellbeing is important, because you are your baby's mum and no one is more important to your baby than you.

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What is perinatal depression?

Depression is the most common perinatal mental health disorder women experience in pregnancy and the first year after having a baby (NICE, 2014). Depression in pregnancy is seen in 7-12% of women, (Bennett et al., 2004; Gavin et al., 2005) with postnatal depression rates of around 10-15% reported.

Around 10% of fathers have depression in the perinatal period (Beszlag & Hopkinson, 2020) and it is common for both parents to experience mental health problems at the same time (Anding et al., 2016). Depression is a mental health illness which, with treatment, will get better in time.

Depression in pregnancy can start at any time, although the severity may be different in each trimester. Postnatal depression usually comes on within six weeks of giving birth, although it can emerge up to a year after your baby is born (MIND, 2017). While postnatal depression should dissipate within a few months, 3 in 10 people with PND will still be ill after the first year (NICE, 2014).

Watch our video below where three mums talk about what it feels like to experience postnatal mental health issues.

What are the symptoms of depression?

Like depression at other times in life, it can be mild, moderate or severe. It can come on gradually or suddenly (NICE, 2014). The main difference though is that it can be a lot trickier to recognise. That's because your mental state is likely to change in the weeks and months after you have a baby anyway (NICE, 2014). You will also have such a lot going on around you.

Symptoms of depression can include:

feeling down and teary

an inability to concentrate

low sex drive

feeling worthless

inability to feel happiness

sleep problems

anger

finding it difficult to leave the house

overeating

problems bonding with your baby

suicidal thoughts

(Boots Family Trust Alliance, 2013)

A depression and anxiety self-assessment quiz is available here.

You can also seek information and support through NHS 111 or via your GP.

If you feel at risk of harming yourself or others then call 999, attend an emergency health care setting, or call the Samaritans on 116 123.

What causes depression in parents?

The exact cause of postnatal depression is not clear, although in women it doesn't seem to be due to hormonal changes (Patient, 2017). Some factors are known to increase the chance of becoming depressed in pregnancy and after birth. These include:

having a previous mental health problem

experiencing a traumatic birth experience or loss of a baby through stillbirth

living in a violent social situation

being a refugee or asylum seeker

having a history of childhood or adulthood abuse

having poor social support.

(RCOG, 2011; NICE, 2014; Ayers and Delicate, 2016)

Speak to your GP or midwife if you think you are at risk of depression so that you can get support.

What is the effect of having depression?

It is important to get help for depression so that you can access the right treatment and support to enable you to get better (Shakespeare, 2015). If not, it can have major consequences for your mental health, your relationship, your partner's mental health and the development of your baby (Fatherhood Institute, 2010; Howard et al, 2014; Ayers and Delicate, 2016).

It is common to have depression along with other perinatal mental health conditions such as anxiety, birth trauma and PTSD (Dikmen-Yildiz et al., 2017).

Support and treatment for depression

Treatments for depression include talking therapies like cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) or anti-depressants (talk to your GP for advice if you're breastfeeding) (NICE, 2014; NHS 2018). If depression becomes severe, you might need a stay in hospital or mother and baby unit (RCOG, 2011; NHS Choices, 2018).

You can access treatment for depression via your GP or you can find out more about NHS psychological services here.

There are self-care tips that may help with mild to moderate depression:

1. Build a support network and make time to meet friends and other mums for a much-needed cup of tea and a chat (NEF, 2008).

2. Accept offers of help. It might be your mum dusting your living room or your best friend walking your newborn around the block so you can lie down. Whatever it is, take it (Boots Family Trust Alliance, 2013).

3. Exercise can work wonders for the way you feel (Cooney et al, 2013). It is also a great long-term practice for safeguarding your mental health (NEF, 2008; NHS, 2018). If you have recently given birth, it is important to give your body a chance to physically recover. The NHS provides some guidance which is suitable for pregnancy and after birth.

4. Try to eat healthily and regularly, and cut back on caffeine and alcohol (NHS, 2018).

5. Get showered and dressed, even if your plan for today is to go no further than the back door to put some nappies in the bin (MIND, 2017).

6. Be mindful - apps like Headspace can help improve your mental wellbeing and help you to deal with daily challenges (NEF, 2008). You can even practice mindfulness on the sofa while your newborn is feeding.

7. Keep a mood diary. It can help you notice how people, places and activities affect your mood (MIND, 2020).

8. Sign up to a baby massage class at NCT or with your local children's centre through a referral from your health visitor (NHS, 2018).

9. Contact local or national specialist organisations - they may offer the opportunity to talk to other women who are going through the same thing. Services available might include a dedicated telephone helpline, a buddy service, online support, support groups, counselling and wellbeing sessions.

This page was last reviewed in February 2022
Further information

Our support line offers practical and emotional support with feeding your baby and general enquiries for parents, members and volunteers: 0300 330 0700.

You might find attending one of our Early Days groups helpful as they give you the opportunity to explore different approaches to important parenting issues with a qualified group leader and other new parents in your area.

Make friends with other parents-to-be and new parents in your local area for support and friendship by seeing what NCT activities are happening nearby.

Contact specialist organisations like PANDAS for more help and support with postnatal depression including a FREE helpline number on 0808 1961776.

Experiencing mental health symptoms can be overwhelming but help is available, so speak to a trusted health care professional such as a midwife, health visitor, or GP. If you feel at risk of harming yourself or others then call 999, attend an emergency department, or call the Samaritans on 116 123.

Anding, J. E., Röhrle, B., Grieshop, M., Schücking, B., & Christiansen, H. (2016). Couple comorbidity and correlates of postnatal depressive symptoms in mothers and fathers in the first two weeks following delivery. Journal of Affective Disorders, 190, 300-309. Available at: https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jad.2015.10.033

Ayers S & Delicate A. (2016). Recognising and acting on perinatal mental health. Perspective; 32. Available at: https://www.nct.org.uk/sites/default/files/related_documents/Ayers%20and%20Delicate%20Recognising%20and%20acting%20on%20perinatal%20mental%20health.pdf [Accessed 26 January 2022].

Bennett, H.A., Einarson, A.,  Taddio, A., Koren, G., & Einarson, T.R. (2004). Prevalence of depression during pregnancy: systematic review. Obstetrics & Gynecology, 103 (2004), 698-709. Available at: https://doi.org /10.1097/01.AOG.0000116689.75396.5f

Beszlag, D., &Hodkinson, P. (2020). Paternal perinatal mental health difficulties - an evidence review. Evidence review produced for NCT.

Boots Family Trust Alliance. (2013) Perinatal mental health: experiences of women and health professionals. Available from: https://www.tommys.org/sites/default/files/legacy/Perinatal_Mental_Health_Experiences%20of%20women.pdf [Accessed 26 January 2022].

Coates R. (2016) Broadening the net: assessing the full range of perinatal mental health problems. Perspective; 32. Available from: https://www.nct.org.uk/sites/default/files/related_documents/Perspective-September-2016_0.pdf [Accessed 1st December 2017].

Cooney, G.M., Dwan, K., Greig, C.A., Lawlor D.A., Rimer, J., Waugh, F.R., McMurdo, M., & Mead G.E. (2013) Exercise for depression. Cochrane Database of Systematic Reviews; (9). Available at: https://doi.org/10.1002/14651858.CD004366.pub6

Fatherhood Institute. (2010) Research summary: fathers and postnatal depression. Available from:

http://www.fatherhoodinstitute.org/2010/fatherhood-institute-research-summary-fathers-and-postnatal-depression [Accessed 26 January 2022].

Gavin, N.I., Gaynes, B.N., Lohr, K.N., Meltzer-Brody, S., Gartlehner, G., & Swinson, T. (2005). Perinatal depression: a systematic review of prevalence and incidence

Obstetrics & Gynecology, 106 (2005),1071-1083. Available at: https;//doi.org/ 10.1097/01.AOG.0000183597.31630.db

Howard LM, Piot P, Stein A. (2014) No health without perinatal mental health. The Lancet; 384(9956):1723-1724 Available from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25455235

MIND. (2020) Postnatal depression and perinatal mental health pages. Available at: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/postnatal-depression-and-perinatal-mental-health/postnatal-and-antenatal-depression/#.WcozHYokqRs [Accessed 26 January 2022]

NEF. (2008) Five ways to wellbeing. A report presented to the Foresight programme on communicating the evidence base for improving people's wellbeing. Available at: https://neweconomics.org/2008/10/five-ways-to-wellbeing [Accessed 26 January 2022].

NHS (2018) Overview postnatal depression. Available at: http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/Postnataldepression/Pages/Introduction.aspx [Accessed 26th January 2022].

NICE (2014) Antenatal and postnatal mental health. CG192. Available at: https://www.nice.org.uk/guidance/cg192 [Accessed 26th January 2022].

RCOG. (2011) Management of women with mental health issues during pregnancy and the postnatal period. Good Practice No. 14. Available at: https://www.rcog.org.uk/globalassets/documents/guidelines/managementwomenmentalhealthgoodpractice14.pdf [Accessed 26 January 2022].

RCPSYCH. (2018). Postnatal depression - key facts. Available at: https://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mental-health/problems-disorders/postnatal-depression-key-facts [Accessed 14 January 2022]

Shakespeare J. (2015) Perinatal mental health: the picture today. Perspective; 26. Available from: https://www.nct.org.uk/sites/default/files/related_documents/Perinatal%20mental%20health-%20the%20picture%20today.pdf [Accessed January 2018].

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Perinatal depression: the questions you really want to ask | Life as a parent articles & support | NCT

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Heard it discussed but still feel in the dark? Here are the answers to the most common questions about depression in pregnancy and after birth.

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Relationships and A New Baby

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Having a baby is usually a happy event, but it's also a major milestone that forces changes on your lifestyle and relationship.

Adding a baby into your family dynamic can stir up issues and test you to the limit. It's normal to feel unsettled and adjusting to the new situation can naturally put a strain on your relationship.

Research shows that many parents feel less satisfied with their relationship after a baby, at least in the short-term. This isn't surprising, since both partners are probably tired, anxious and emotional. You may also be worried about issues like money and loss of freedom, or you may be just generally overwhelmed by new responsibilities.

Becoming a parent can also bring up difficult memories. It might help to talk to each other about your own experiences of being parented, your expectations, and any feelings you haven't yet shared. Understanding each other can help you to be more realistic and prepared for the ups and downs of parenthood.

Less time for each other

A new baby means extra work and less time for each other. It can be hard to find time alone just to talk and support each other, or to go out as a couple.

As your identity shifts from 'partner' to 'parent', it can feel like a threat to your relationship, particularly for dads. You may even feel jealous of the mum's new closeness with the baby. Mothers may also feel left out once the baby is a little older and the initial intensity fades.

Lack of sleep... and sex

Lack of sleep can leave you feeling permanently exhausted, vulnerable and emotional, so it's easy to react badly to each other or the baby.

Many couples find their sex lives disrupted, at least in the short term. New mothers often feel too tired and not sexy. Some feel unattractive because of post baby weight, still sore, or afraid sex will be painful. New fathers can then feel rejected and isolated.

Men can also feel differently after childbirth. They often worry about their partner's physical and emotional changes and are frightened of hurting them. Or they may worry about another pregnancy and the responsibility that goes with it.

Breastfeeding also has an impact. It's usually very tiring and some women say they feel their breasts belong to their baby now. Breastfeeding can lead to temporary physical changes in lubrication that can also make sex painful. Men may need time to adjust to breastfeeding too.

There are no hard and fast rules about how long it should take for both partners to be interested in sex again. Even when the desire returns, you may find other things like the baby crying and needing to be fed, get in the way. You might also both be worried that things will never get back to how they were. Talk openly about your feelings and keep reminding each other that this is only temporary.

A new baby in a stepfamily

If you're already in a stepfamily, a new baby can affect several already fragile relationships. Children may be afraid that their father or mother won't love them as much anymore, but a stepchild may also be afraid that they will not be as good as their mum or dad's new baby. Half-brothers and sisters need a lot of reassurance, whatever their age.

Babies love anyone who seems interested in them and, as the only member of the family with no 'baggage', the new baby can help to make things work - especially if you encourage half-brothers and sisters to get involved.

There can also be issues when it's a first baby for one parent and not the other. If you're a new parent in an established family, it's natural to feel jealous or resentful if your partner seems to know more about parenting than you do. Even reassuring advice can come across as criticism, so make sure you both tread carefully.

Looking after yourself and your own needs

Talking things through with each other can help to take the pressure off. Try to understand each other's feelings and points of view. It's much better to talk about things calmly when they come up, rather than letting them build up.

Talk to friends and family, particularly those who have been in a similar situation to yours. Sometimes it helps to offload and they may also have helpful suggestions that you hadn't yet considered.

You can't always have it all - talk to your partner about your priorities in life. Reducing your hours, or getting more expensive and reliable childcare can have a financial impact but could ease pressure in other ways. And remember, things should get easier when the children are older and childcare is less demanding.

For more information, see our article on why having a baby doesn't have to hurt your relationship.

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Common problems for couples with a new baby - The Couple Connection

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Having a baby is usually a happy event, but it's also a major milestone that forces changes on your lifestyle and relationship. Adding a baby into your family dynamic can stir up issues and test you to the limit. It's normal to feel unsettled and adjusting to the new situation can naturally put a strain on your relationship.

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Partner's Bonding

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Dogs and a new Baby

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How to prepare your dog for a new baby | Dogs Trust

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Most expectant parents have plenty of time to spend preparing for a baby, but for unsuspecting dogs their new housemate appears overnight!

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When women become mums, they go through a lot of obvious biological changes. But did you realise that men's bodies change when they become dads too?
"The only thing I've noticed physically is putting a load of weight on, I'm getting a bit of a dad bod!" says Tom, dad to 6 month-old Otis.

But no, we don't just mean putting on a few extra pounds. "Mum and dad are as biologically primed to parent as each other", says Dr Anna Machin, author of The Life of Dad: The Making of the Modern Father. "That's the big new understanding about parenthood - in the past we thought only women underwent bodily changes, mainly as a product of pregnancy and childbirth, but actually men go through similar things too".

Ok, so men don't carry babies for 9 months, give birth or produce milk. But they do go through some changes that aren't obvious to the naked eye. "There are two major changes that happen, generally the first time you become a dad: hormonal changes and brain changes", explains Dr Anna.

Mum and dad are as biologically primed to parent as each other.

The main hormonal change is a drop in testosterone, the male sex hormone. "Testosterone is great when you're in the mating/dating game because it makes you more competitive, more motivated to look for a mate", says Anna.

But when you become a dad, this drop is one way your body prepares you for your new role.

"Men with lower testosterone are much more sensitive towards their children and empathetic. It makes them motivated to care for their child. If you were to play baby cries to a group of men, those with really high testosterone would probably find it really irritating whereas men with low testosterone would become anxious".

This rings true for Mark, who recently became a dad for the first time. "I've been around my baby nephew crying and I'd be like 'can someone sort this out?'. The minute it's your baby, you know when a cry is something you can sort out yourself".

Drops in testosterone also make dad more patient too, which is helpful with a baby or toddler. "I've not felt frustrated in any way. I was in the car the other day and someone was taking ages to get out of a spot, but I was like, 'whatever'. Things like that just aren't a big deal any more", says Mark.

A drop in testosterone comes with a major pay-off for dads' relationships with their children too. "High testosterone levels block the positive effects of oxytocin and dopamine", says Anna - two of the major chemicals involved in bonding with your baby. They're produced when you cuddle and interact and give you that warm, fuzzy feeling. "Because your testosterone is low when you're a new dad, the impact of oxytocin and dopamine is much greater, so you will enjoy chatting and playing much more".

Tom has been experiencing this rush regularly, "when he's laughing, there's no better feeling, really".

It's not all good news though, Anna warns. "Testosterone is protective against low mood. So a drop, when coupled with high risk factors like work-life balance, a partner going through postnatal depression (PND) or issues with bonding can increase the likelihood of male postnatal depression".

Knowing more about your hormones and their effects could help you be more aware of your mental wellbeing, says Anna. "As a woman, you can think: 'I know this is probably my hormones speaking, I know there's a hormonal element to feeling this crap', which can sometimes help. For men, knowing how hormonal changes could also leave you vulnerable to something like PND, will hopefully nudge you to keep an eye on your own mental health".

Mutual benefits for dad and baby

Children also experience the same rush of dopamine and oxytocin as dads through cuddling and playing. So from early on, dads can start building bonds through touch, hugs, skin-to-skin contact and massage. However, the biggest rushes of oxytocin come as baby grows and the relationship with dad becomes even more interactive.

"If a dad asks me 'what's the one thing I can do to bond with my child?', I'll say 'play with them''', Anna tells us. "What's fascinating is there's been this coevolution between dads and babies. They both get their biggest peak of oxytocin when they play together".

Now that he and Otis are able to play together regularly, Tom's mum has spotted something. "She reckons he's got a different laugh for me than he has for his mum. When I play with him, I move him around and I'm a bit more physical. And I do the same things every time, the things that I know will work to make him laugh".

This sort of rough and tumble play is common with dads and something that Anna says is crucial to children's development. "Not only does it give your child a massive hit of oxytocin but it teaches them how to deal with risks and challenges, how to fail and pick themselves up, dust themselves off and carry on. And children who have engaged in this sort of play tend to be more physically and emotionally resilient and have better mental health as they get older".

Anna is keen to stress that dads' role as a playmate is therefore key. "In the past, being termed 'the fun parent' might have seemed like a put-down for dads, but play is actually really important for your child's development".

If a dad asks me 'what's the one thing I can do to bond with my child?', I'll say 'play with them'.

As well as changes in hormone levels, when you become a dad, your brain physically changes too.

"We see changes in those areas which we need to be able to parent well", says Anna. "So, for example, in the outer brain we see increases in areas needed for skills such as planning, focussing without distraction and problem solving. In the unconscious brain, we see activity in areas related to nurturing and risk detection, which are needed to know your baby is safe".

The latter is something that Tom has definitely experienced first-hand. "You're just worrying all the time. Definitely more than before. If I'm walking down the road, I'll look behind me when cars are coming to see if they're randomly going to veer off the road towards me whenever I've got the baby!".

As well as being more risk-aware, dads often become more sensitive, particularly when it comes to children. "You become much more empathetic to others' pain", says Anna. "Many dads I speak to will say 'I can't watch news reports about children any more, I just become this heap of tears and blubber'". Tom's been feeling this too, particularly when watching the BBC's Life and Birth series. "It brings me to tears. It wouldn't have affected me before, but now it really does".

We see increases in areas needed for skills such as planning, focussing without distraction and problem solving.

Anna is hopeful that by being clued up on their biology, men will gain confidence in their instincts as a dad.

"What I tend to hear a lot from men before they become parents is that mum is the gold standard of parenting. She instinctively knows what to do because she's gone through pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding, whereas men have to learn. That's not true. Women and men are just as instinctive as parents as each other, because they're both biologically primed to do it".

She has some words of advice for dads: "Your instincts are there, you just have to be confident that they're there. Try to see yourself as the equal co-parent rather than the assistant parent who is there to learn on the job".

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How Men's Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

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Did you know that men's bodies and brains go through changes when they become dads? Dr Anna Machin explains how.