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parents with out partners, more children living with one parent. Stacey decided to undergo donor insemination, she wanted to be a mother.

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No one feels sorry for Stacey. She won't live in inner city poverty. She is not young and nave. There will be no accidental pregnancy and there will be no breakup. Stacey is part of a new generation of Canadian single parents the single parent by choice.

"I have wanted to be a mother since I was a child," says Stacey. "I used to pretend my younger sister was my child at times!"

At 32, Stacey recently found out that she has endometriosis, a condition where the tissue that lines the uterus grows outside the uterus and attaches itself to other organs. Stacey's days to conceive are numbered, since her condition often can cause scarring that can interfere with ovulation. Without a significant other in her life, Stacey decided that motherhood would have to come before marriage.

Stacey has decided to undergo donor insemination, and has picked a donor. She chose someone who fits the description of a man that would be her type. I want to go through the whole experience of being pregnant and delivering a baby, says Stacey, at her Oakville, Ontario home. If her health problems make this impossible, she will consider adoption.

Parents without partners

In 2001, Statistics Canada revealed that more than a million Canadian children live with one parent. It isn't clear how many of these children were born or adopted into a family by a single parent who chose to parent on their own. Families change, especially over this past generation (people marry, live together, split up), and the definition of family is changing (blended families, same-sex couples). It's hard to determine the reasons why a child is in a single parent home.Jane Mattes is the founder of Single Mothers By Choice (SMC), an American based international organization dedicated to women who have chosen to become parents without a partner. She says that her organization has seen a steady increase in membership since its inception in the early 80s. Today, membership is 3,000 strong.

She says that the average single mother by choice is 35, but she is seeing an increase in women in their early 30s and early 40s interested in becoming single parents.

"It is no longer taboo to have a child without a partner, so more women are separating motherhood from marriage and at an increasingly younger age," Mattes says. "Also, reproductive technology has become more commonplace so women don't necessarily feel the biological clock ticking away until well into their 40s."

Most SMC's choose to either undergo donor insemination, or adopt. Within her organization, Mattes estimates that 30 percent of S

MC's adopt, five percent get pregnant with a sperm donor that is known to them, and 65 percent conceive by anonymous donor insemination.

Financial security

Stacey, a human resources analyst, lives in an upscale neighbourhood in a large townhouse with a backyard and lots of parks nearby. She is typical of the single mother by choice; SMC's are usually financially secure and have larger salaries than the average male. They also have support systems in place for when the going gets tough. Stacey admits that she doesn't have the details all hammered out, but her parents live nearby and can help out if the need arises.

I have a couple of close friends who have children and they are very supportive. Many of them believe that you don't need a husband to raise the children! Some believe it will be easier without a husband, says Stacey. I know deep down that true friends and family will support me as best they can.

Lynn is a Toronto teacher with a graduate degree who pulls in $80,000 per year. Like most single mothers by choice, she had a burning desire to become a mother but her biological clock and Mr. Right just weren't in synch.

The clock was definitely ticking, recalls Lynn. I can get married any time, but having children requires an energetic mother who is young enough to be able to parent with vim and vigour.

At 40, Lynn decided to adopt. She chose to adopt internationally because young babies tend to be placed with traditional families. Being a single female was not an obstacle to an international adoption.

My social worker was 100 percent in favour of my adopting,discloses Lynn. An incredibly strong plan was needed for daycare arrangements, financial plans and support requirements.

During her home study, Lynn had to prove that she had a complete backup system in place. She has no family nearby so Lynn recruited supportive friends, and a topnotch baby sitter. Having good solid people in your life and people you can trust helps a single parent be a great single parent, says Lynn.

Not your parents parenting

Anne-Marie Ambert, a sociology professor at York University says that single parenting by choice still isn't very usual, but believes that the increase in the number of men and women who decide to parent on their own is due to a change in social norms. This option didn't exist 20 years ago, Ambert says. Today, people have a choice to become a parent even when they aren't in a relationship or they are in a relationship with someone who doesn't want a child.

Ambert says that people are now realizing that a two-parent family doesn't necessarily equal a happy family. Children don't need two parents to thrive, says Ambert. There are outdated theories that suggest that a child needs a same-sex parent involved from birth for role modeling. Studies have shown that this is not true.

For example, The American Journal of Orthopsychiatry recently published a study of children being raised by lesbian same-sex parents. It found that there was no gender confusion among these children because of the lack of a male role model.

Single fathers

Being a single male didn't stop Ed Renaud, a teacher from Windsor, Ontario, from becoming a parent of two boys. At 30, Ed wasn't married and wanted to be a young father. Since he, himself, was adopted and raised by a single mother, he looked to the Children's Aid Society for direction.

I knew single parenthood was difficult but I also knew it could be rewarding and if I could give my child even a quarter of what I had growing up then he would be very lucky, Ed discloses.

The public assumes that adoptions by a single male may be more scrutinized, but Ed, who brings in a healthy $73,000 per year, says that the system didn't bat an eye when he began the process to adopt his oldest son. He claims he didn't have any obstacles, although the Children's Aid Society wanted to know about past relationships, and the kind of home he grew up in. The social worker asked many times why Ed wanted to adopt. They wanted to make sure he was consistent with his answer.

Public Children's Aid agencies are slowly starting to change their views about single parent adoptions, especially single males, says Ed. There are still some prejudices out there, but as time goes along, and more people can hear stories like mine, the views of some individuals can be changed.

Public opinion about single males who want to become fathers was evident in 2003, when British opera singer Susan Chilcott died of breast cancer. Chilcott left guardianship of her four year-old son to her best friend and pianist, a single gay male. Media reports focused not on her death, but on the singers unconventional arrangement for her son.

Although single parents by choice are becoming more widely accepted, they still face negativity. Family and friends had mixed reactions, divulges Ed. It was more of an image thing. Why would you give up your freedom and independence to parent a child when you don't have to?

Against all odds

Concerns over single parenting are well founded. Ambert warns that single people need to have their ducks in a row before endeavoring to care for a child. For a child of a single parent to thrive, there needs to be resources and support in place, she says.

Ambert feels that society is still prejudiced against children of single parents. We don't expect the best from these children, she says. Theres also a risk that others will raise children of single parents, since a single parent usually means a working parent. Single parents often fall into the trap of working too hard to put food on the table, and having too little time to spend with their children. A recent Swedish study published in the Lancet cited that children with single parents are more likely to develop depression, become addicted to drugs, alcohol, or to commit suicide. They are also at an increased risk of death from violence and automobile accidents.

Ambert says that children of single parents by choice, are at an advantage over those who fell into single parenting. Since their parents go into parenthood with their eyes wide open, they are well prepared financially and emotionally for the challenges of single parenthood. She says, Children of single parents by choice haven't seen divorce and fighting as other children of single parents have.

Stacey Shorney continues to undergo donor insemination, hoping she will have some good news soon, although she admits she does lie awake some nights. Its a scary thing to be going through alone, she reports. But the possibility of becoming a mother keeps me going.

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No one feels sorry for Stacey. She won't live in inner city poverty. She is not young and nave. There will be no accidental pregnancy and there will be no breakup. Stacey is part of a new generation of Canadian single parents the single parent by choice.

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sharing stories of how to cope with being a single parent and life.

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In this short video single parents talk about their experiences of being a single parent and single parenting. Mums and dads share tips for coping, being good role models, and getting support and reassurance from family and friends. Your parenting circumstances are less important than your ability to be there for your child.

Last updated or reviewed 01-02-2016

Acknowledgements
The Raising Children Network invites organisations and individuals to download and add this parenting video to their websites free of charge. The video must not be edited and must appear with the following statement:
Sourced from the Raising Children website, Australia's trusted parenting website. For more parenting information, visit raisingchildren.net.au.

Related videos

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Being a single parent: video | Raising Children Network

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In this short video single parents talk about their experiences of being a single parent and single parenting. Mums and dads share tips for coping, being good role models, and getting support and reassurance from family and friends. Your parenting circumstances are less important than your ability to be there for your child.

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some of the solutions
finding child care, balancing work and life

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Navigating child care as a parent, no matter the time of year, can be challenging. From work conflicts to varying partner schedules to unexpected sick days throwing the entire household into chaos, cruising (or sometimes speeding at what feels like 90 miles-per-hour) on the struggle bus is real.

But for single parents, child care conundrums can prove to be even more difficult, and they can spark more financial stress than they would in coupled parents.

"Unlike those in two-income households, the stress and financial cost of child care make us want to consider leaving the workforce too, but we have no other income on which we can rely," says Christine Michel Carter, author of "MOM AF." "Many of us are living below our means and saving - but should be saving a bit more. We're also budgeting, working to reduce monthly bills, traveling and eating out less and reducing our use of credit. We're controlling what we can, but the lack of affordable child care is an issue we can't control."

Feel like you can't catch a break? Here, single parents share their methods for meeting some of child care's largest challenges.

"Many of us are living below our means and saving. We're controlling what we can, but the lack of affordable child care is an issue we can't control."
- Christine Michel Carter, Author, "Mom AF"

1. The challenge: Finding child care

Like many single parents, money is tight for Carolynne Harvey, single mom and founder of Dream Baby Sleep. That being said, connecting with (and maintaining relationships) in her community, particularly with other single parents, has been instrumental in finding care.

"I've always tried to find a mom friend at my daughter's school who was open to babysitter sharing," she notes. "As a working single parent, affordable after-care during summer break was always hard to come by. Sharing a sitter with another working parent is a great way to save."

2. The challenge: Paying for clothing, food and other supplies

Andrea Arterbery, a single mom and freelance journalist, relies on local community services and programs to help clothe and feed her son, particularly during the busy back-to-school season. She recommends other single parents do the same.

"Do your research," she says. "Watch the news and read newsletters from the city to see what resources are available for you and your kids."

She says that, oftentimes (including for her school district), schools will provide free meals and clothes for kids if parents ask. "Try to make time to do the research to find resources available in your area to find the things you need."

"As a working single parent, affordable after-care during summer break was always hard to come by. Sharing a sitter with another working parent is a great way to save."
- Carolynne Harvey, single mom and founder of Dream Baby Sleep

3. The challenge: Feeling guilt for not "being involved enough" at school

One of the biggest challenges for single parents is dealing with feelings of guilt, explains Anton Shcherbakov, co-founder of ThinkPsych and licensed clinical psychologist. "Whether it is not having enough energy to be playful with your children or feeling like you are not spending enough time with them, it's a constant struggle," he says. "I think this feeling is particularly strong for single parents because their time, energy and money is often even more limited than those who have a partner."

Harvey understands this sentiment well. " Back-to-school is always exciting and stressful," she says. "But if none of the school class volunteering opportunities aligned with my schedule, I'd meet with the teacher and ask for other things I could do [instead]. I'm a strong believer that if you don't have a village, build one."

4. The challenge: Struggling to get work done remotely when the kids are home

For remote-working single parents saddled with an unexpected child sick day, getting to all of your agenda items and staying focused can be a challenge. Harvey says it's important to set boundaries and rules in those instances.

"Being a working parent is hard, being a working single parent is next-level hard," Harvey says. "It's always a nightmare finding adequate affordable child care to accommodate a rotating parenting schedule." She notes that, even if a babysitter or nanny was present, her daughter would still want to see her, knowing she was in the next room.

Her solution to keep her daughter from continually asking for Mommy: "I'd ask her to make a pile of toys she wanted to play with with me when I was done working instead of coming into my home office," Harvey says. "I'd also schedule a snack or lunch with her. As she got older, I'd ask her to write down her questions and slide them under my door."

5. The challenge: Managing workplace biases against single parents' work ethic

"The biggest challenge single parents face when it comes to working (both remotely and in-person) is overcoming the biases put upon them,"explains Carter. She says that many single parents she speaks to in her advocacy work feel as though they're judged for seeking more flexible schedules or are seen as less devoted to their work.

The solution, she says? Keep your receipts handy. "Keep a weekly tracker of feedback from projects accomplished, because if performance was judged as exemplary there, there's no excuse for biased feedback and snide comments," she shares, pointing out that you have the proof you can perform.

6. The challenge: Feeling guilt when kids use their phones to entertain them

"I have no problem saying that as a single parent, my co-parent is Apple," explains Carter. She notes that, when her kids go back to school, she works with them to help regulate their habits and use their phones in a healthy way.

"One unconventional rule I have: When they come home [from school], they must spend 30 minutes decompressing before jumping into homework," Carter shares, adding that this sometimes includes screen time. "A conventional rule is they have an iPad bedtime which is usually one hour before their actual bedtime, to decompress from the screen."

The bottom line: Carter tries not to punish her kids for screen use, ultimately, because "they didn't buy them, I did!"

"I've learned not to be hard on myself. I don't beat myself up anymore if the clothes don't get put away after I wash them. I take it one day at a time and am learning to enjoy the journey."
- Andrea Artebery, single mom and journalist

7. The challenge: Feeling as though your sole identity revolves around caring for your child

Taking time (and money) for free time as a single parent is easier said than done, naturally. But as Carter explains, just a once-per-week, three-hour session can do a lot of good.

During this time, she can catch up with her friends, get a pedicure or just go for a run outside. "I don't think single parents really think about how much time we spend with our kids in the house," says Carter. "It is exhausting to just be in the same area, and if you can budget time to escape, it makes all the difference!"

8. The challenge: Even a once-per-week session to yourself doesn't seem doable

For Elizabeth Mitchell, an early childhood teacher and single parent, on those days (or weeks) when "me time" seems unimaginably difficult, she calls up other single parents in her community.

"I try to organize social events with other single parents where I can invite people to our place or plan day dates where I have kids over to play, in exchange for my son going to their place next time," she says.

9. The challenge: The dishes keep piling up

"Don't sweat the small stuff," Aterbery says. "I've learned not to be hard on myself. I don't beat myself up anymore if the clothes don't get put away after I wash them. I take it one day at a time and am learning to enjoy the journey."

Another tip Aterbery hopes all single parents embrace? "Don't be afraid of therapy," she says. "Prayer, therapy, family and my tribe - this is what helps me get through the (sometimes hectic) days."

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9 single parent child care issues - and solutions that are actually realistic

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Single parents share methods for meeting child care challenges, navigating work, freeing up personal time and more.

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being a single parent is not easy, challenges of raising kids

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More and more parents are raising their children on their own these days, either by choice or due to circumstances beyond their control. It's no secret that being a single parent isn't easy, and the challenges of raising kids, providing for a family, and keeping it all together can certainly be difficult, but not impossible. Arm yourself with the facts, tips and resources you need to succeed.

Different Types of One-Parent Families

The Encyclopedia of Children's Health states there several different kinds of single parent families, including:

A family headed by a divorced parent

A family headed by a widowed parent

A family headed by a single parent who isn't married yet or is a single parent by choice

Single parents also include non-married parents who live together. Even if the mother and father live in the same residence, they are still counted as single parents.

Eye-Opening Facts About Single Parent Households

According to an article written by Susan Pollet, Esq. published at the New York State Unified Court System website, NYCourts.gov, the amount of single parent families has tripled since 1960.

Furthermore:

Single parent families raise one quarter of the nation's children.

In 2000, approximately 30 percent of the babies born were to single mothers.

Out of the 84 percent of women who are single parents, 44 percent of them were divorced or separated.

Out of the 16 percent of men who are single parents, 57 percent of them were divorced.

Approximately 20 percent of female single parents are unemployed, whereas only 8 percent of male single parents were unemployed.

One third of all single parent families live in poverty and receive public assistance.

Children in single parent households are not necessarily more at risk than children in married households. Past literature indicated that children of single parent households tended to be poor, were more likely to drop out of high school, and were more likely to be teen parents. However, recent findings suggest that children from single parent households do not experience quite the same challenges if the single parent provides a stable household and has a stable relationship with his or her children.

According to a report titled America's Families and Living Arrangements: 2012, published by the U.S. Census Bureau, other noteworthy fact include:

The amount of single parent households headed by women was 12.1 percent of all households (page 12).

The percent of single parent households headed by men was 2.3 (page 12).

A majority of single-parent families live in the southeastern region of the United States, east of the Mississippi, as well as in Ohio, New York, Michigan, Maryland, Arizona, and New Mexico (page 18).

Special Challenges of Single Parenting

Heads of single parent households face some specific disadvantages when parenting and dealing with other issues that may arise.

Finances and Poverty

Single parents tend to be more vulnerable to falling into poverty. Running a household on one paycheck can be tight, and daycare puts an additional strain on paychecks, especially if a parent needs to pay more than one care giver or pay for after-school programs.

The Brookings Institute offers testimony given to the United States Senate Committee on Finance by Ron Haskins (former White House and congressional advisor on welfare issues). In that testimony, Haskins indicates that single parent families headed by women have always accounted for a large portion of the poverty rates in the United States, and the number of this type of household is rising.

The good news is that the amount of single women entering the workforce has increased over the last couple of decades thanks to programs such as Welfare-to-Work, and this has offset poverty rates for this vulnerable population. However, due to the structure of the family, poverty rates may always be higher for single moms than for two-parent households. Even though more single moms are working, the poverty rate for two-parent households was only 11 percent in 2009, whereas the poverty rate for single female heads of household was 44.3 percent.

Adjustments for Widowed and Divorced Parents

Single parents who are newly divorced or widowed, in addition to being the only authority in the house, will have to handle all issues that arise from the change in their living circumstances.

According to the Child Development Institute, not only will single parents have to handle their own emotional issues that arise from the death of a spouse, they will also have to single-handedly help their children deal with the emotional issues that arise from change, adjustment, and loss.

For example:

A sense of loss occurs when parents divorce, as well as when a parent dies.

Children lose 24/7 access to both parent's physical presence.

The parent they spend the most time with may no longer have as much time available for them.

Children of divorced or widowed parents may have to adjust to living in a smaller home or having less time and money.

According to Jane K. Burgess in her book, The Family Coordinator, many divorced parents go through a high degree of social instability, which leaves single parents more vulnerable to self-esteem issues and mental health problems. Social instability is also linked to higher rates of emotional problems.

Single Parent Families and Stress

All families have stress for a variety of reasons, but single parent families also have stress that is specific to their situation. According to the American Psychological Association, single parents going through a divorce might experience the following issues.

They may experience time constraints because of the added responsibilities of running the household and going to work. This typically means they have less time to spend with their children

Their children may develop social and academic problems due to disruptions in their normal living circumstances, including parental conflicts and reduced attention from one or both parents.

They may lose the support of the ex-spouse's extended family.

Challenges for the Children

When family dynamics change in the household, so will the children's roles. For example, they might have take on a caretaker role with younger siblings. According to the Better Health Channel, children of single parent households face many types of challenges.

For example:

Kids might get less play time as they take on more responsibilities in the house.

Kids might take on a more adult role, which can make it difficult for them to concede to authority figures such as teachers, sitters, etc.

In cases of divorce, kids might be influenced by parental conflict, which can make them feel like they have to choose one parent over the other.

Kids might behave better for the parent they don't see as often. The custodial parent often winds up having to be the disciplinarian, or the "bad guy."

The American Academy of Pediatrics also states that a child's behavior may change - and not always for the better. Boys might become more aggressive and girls might become more withdrawn.

The Subject of Discrimination at Work

Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 makes it illegal for employers to discriminate against employees due to family responsibilities. However, social perceptions can present a challenge to enforcing the law when it comes to single dads. Single working moms are identified as such, but single working dads tend to be perceived simply as men who work.

For example:

If a single dad brings a discrimination suit to court, he may not get very far because men are traditionally expected to be breadwinners, not caretakers. This biased perception hurts men's chances of enjoying the same rights as single moms when it comes to taking time off to care for their children.

Other male employees might feel like a single dad receives special treatment or uses his children as an excuse to leave early from work when, in fact, he truly has to attend to their needs.

Single moms also experience discrimination, and are sometimes seen as "drains" on society. Coworkers may be jealous of single moms due to perceived special treatment. Management might not look favorably upon them as employees, even if the company offers flexible hours so these moms can attend to their children's needs.

Single Parent Stigmas

Many single parents feel that there is still a social stigma when it comes to single parents, even if a person is a single parent by choice.

While research appears to support the notion that children of divorced and widowed parents have more problems in school and more emotional problems, it is not the same with parents who decide to be a single parent by choice.

According to a 2011 survey conducted by Pew Research, social stigmas are still alive and well. Two thirds of the participants polled responded that the trend toward single parenthood, and single motherhood specifically, has not been a good change for society.

According to an article on the Single Parent Family published by the Department of Education and Early Childhood Development in Prince Edward Island, Canada, children often have to contend with hurtful remarks made by insensitive adults.

Handling Others' Perceptions

As noted by the Child Development Institute, many people mistakenly believe that they have the right to give advice to single parents. The parents, on the other hand, may not appreciate this at all, which is easy to understand. Try to keep the following thoughts in mind when you encounter people who want to "take you under their wing," regardless of your wishes.

Most people really do mean well and just want to help, while some do not. Either way, you can listen even if you didn't solicit the advice. There could be a grain of wisdom in what they have to say.

You always have the option of not following the advice if it doesn't apply to you or your life.

There is no need to get into an argument because that will only raise your stress level.

Asking "How is that working for you?" can be an effective way to end the conversation if the person is not actually implementing his or her own advice.

Helpful Resources for Single Parents

Keep in mind that there are millions of other single parents all in the same boat. Don't be afraid to ask for help, make new friends, and explore new activities and ideas.

The following Websites will provide you access to some great single parent forums and support groups.

One Tough Job - This site is an information center for parents that offers practical advice for raising children.

Single Parent Advocate - This organization offers practical advice and assistance, as well as social networking resources to help single parents find the support they need.

Single Parents Network - This is a website where single parents can get information on everything about single parenting and learn about available resources, including government resources.

When to Seek Counseling

Just like everyone else, single parents sometimes need help with daily issues. The responsibilities they shoulder can be overwhelming, and there are certain instances where a mental health counselor could help.

For example:

If you handle stress by yelling or taking things out on the people around you, see a mental health counselor or psychologist in order to learn healthy ways to deal with stress. Make sure your children see a counselor too so they can also learn coping skills.

You should consider counseling if you or your children have difficulty adjusting to your new situation.

Counseling may help if your children are acting out in school or at home, such as getting into fights, becoming withdrawn, making major changes in their habits and appearance, and/or experiencing a drop in grades.

Don't see it as a defeat if you decide to seek counseling. You wouldn't feel bad if you had to take your child to the doctor because she was sick. The same importance must be placed upon emotional issues.

A Tough, Yet Rewarding Experience

Whether you are divorced, widowed or have never been married, running a single parent family can be rewarding even though it's also difficult and stressful at times. Keep trying to rise to the challenge, seek help when you need it, and do the best you can.

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Understanding Single Parent Families | LoveToKnow

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More and more parents are raising their children on their own these days, either by choice or due to circumstances beyond their control. It's no secret that being a single parent isn't easy, and the challenges of raising kids, providing for a family, and keeping it all together can certainly be difficult, but not impossible.