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Pivotal Education is an education training consultancy working across the whole of the UK and internationally. We are the leading specialists in behaviour and classroom management in the UK.

There are over 1000 schools and colleges using the Pivotal approach to behaviour management, a proven system that works in every classroom, with every adult and every learner.

We will show you exactly what steps you need to go through to improve behaviour in your classroom and throughout your school or college. We will lead you through whole organisation behaviour change.

The Five Pillars of Pivotal Practice underpin everything we do:

1. Consistent, calm adult behaviour

2. First attention for best conduct

3. Relentless routines

4. Scripting difficult interventions

5. Restorative follow up

Training is available through instructor courses, online programmes, INSET, taster sessions and even the Pivotal Podcast and Blog.

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"The training was highly motivational, whilst underpinned with very robust theory, practice and evidence."

Daniel Connor, Headteacher
Challney High School for Boys

"In the 20 years I have been working in the college, it was the most relevant and interesting behaviour training I have received to date."

Hayley Gubbins
West Kent and Ashford College

"One of the best sessions I have attended. Ollie's enthusiasm for the subject led to a really enjoyable and fun learning environment."

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Pivotal Education is an education training consultancy working across the whole of the UK and internationally. We are the leading specialists in behaviour and classroom management in the UK. There are over 1000 schools and colleges using the Pivotal approach to behaviour management, a proven system that works in every classroom, with every adult and every learner.

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Constructivism modern take

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Fred Jones Model By Cinthia Scavone Skill Cluster 3: Using Say, See, Do Teaching: "Say, See, Do Teaching is another essential tool for teachers. It structures the lesson into a series of "Say, See, Do Cycles" which cause students to continually learn by doing. Say, See, Do

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The power of re-conditioning the brain

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There are a number of techniques in NLP training that are beneficial in building rapport. Some of these techniques are explored in this blog on rapport using neuro linguistic programming.

Read more on NLP Training and Rapport

Have you ever met someone and after 10 minutes of talking felt like you have known the person forever? Are there people you just naturally feel comfortable with and other with who you don't seem to be able to hit it off? The main difference between these two is called rapport: with the first group you have naturally, with second, well, not at all. Rapport is a feeling of being in-sync with someone else, to be on the same wavelength and consequently to really understand and appreciate someone else and their opinions.

When you look at communication, we are taught to think that the most important are the words we say. Yet, the words, all in all, only form about 7% of the total communication between two people. That's not really that much, is it? Roughly 38% are determined by how we say the words (voice qualities), and an astounding 55% by non-verbal communication or body language. That means, it is not only important what you say, but how and with what gestures.

We need rapport for unconsciously making the other person believe that you two are alike, it massively increases response potential. As a consequence, it will be easier for you to lead the other person to your point of view.

So, how you create it? Well, somewhere in the 1980s body language books were preaching the concept of mirroring, where you simply mirror all the gestures somebody does. While this is one possibility, there is a high chance this will be quite obvious, and as a result will make you look slightly strange, and the other person will feel quite uncomfortable.

Hence, what to do? As it goes, there are a few sneaky things you can do:

Matching means that you do what the other person does. So, if he puts his right leg over his left, you do too. This is already more subtle than mirroring, where you act like a mirror to the other person

Cross over mirroring, you take one aspect and match it with another of yours. For example, they cross their legs, you cross your arms. How sneaky is that?

Of course, even matching and cross over mirroring might be noticed, if you only do it based on their physiology. So, if you want to be really sneaky, you can take it to a whole new level: match voice tonality, tempo, volume, breathing patterns, blinking rates, etc.

Here is a longer definition:

Matching, mirroring and mismatching: An Introduction

Some NLP practitioners use the terms matching and mirroring interchangeably, while others draw the following distinctions:

Mirroring is as if you were looking into a mirror. To mirror a person who has raised his right hand, you would raise your left hand (i.e. mirror image). To match this same person, you would raise your right-hand (doing exactly the same as the other person).

Some practitioners see a time difference between mirroring and matching. For example, if someone makes hand gestures while they are speaking, you would wait until it was your turn to speak before making similar (matching) hand gestures.

When matching, you should first focus on body language, then voice and finally the person's words. Why? Mehrabian and Ferris (Inference of Attitudes from Nonverbal Communication in Two Channels), Journal of Counseling Psychology, Vol. 31, 1967, pp. 248-52) discovered that 55 percent of the impact of a presentation is determined by your body language, 38 percent by your voice and only 7 percent by the content or words that you use.

Body language includes body posture, facial expressions, hand gestures, breathing and eye contact. As a beginner, start by matching one specific behavior and once you are comfortable doing that, then match another and so on.

For voice, you can match tonality, speed, volume, rhythm and clarity of speech. All of us can vary various aspects of our voice and we have a range in which we feel comfortable. If someone speaks very fast, much faster than you do and at a rate at which you would not feel comfortable: match this person by speaking faster, while staying within a range that is comfortable for you.

For words, match predicates. If your partner is using mainly visual words, you should also use mainly visual words and similarly for auditory, kinesthetic and auditory digital words. To the extent possible, you should also use the same words as the other person. For example, I may say something is 'awesome'. In your model of the world, you may interpret awesome as outstanding and use this word when speaking to me. For me outstanding may have a different meaning or evoke a different feeling than 'awesome'. In this case, you would not be matching but mismatching my words.

Some people find the idea of matching another person uncomfortable and they feel that they are trying to fool or take advantage of the other person. To overcome this uneasiness, realize that matching is a natural part of the rapport building process and that you are doing it unconsciously every day with your close family and friends. Each day gradually increase your conscious use of matching at a pace that is comfortable and ethical for you. Matching done with integrity and respect creates positive feelings and responses in you and others. Rapport is the ability to enter someone else's world, to make him feel you understand him, and that there is a strong connection between the two of you.

MIRRORING

As mentioned earlier, mirroring behaviors can include:

Body Posture
Hand Gestures
Facial Expressions
Weight Shifts
Breathing
Movement of Feet
Eye Movements

Mirroring is physically 'copying' the behaviors of another in a subtle manner. Try mirroring just one aspect of another person's behavior while talking to them...perhaps their posture. When this is easy, gently include another piece, like their hand gestures. Gradually add another and another until you are mirroring without thinking about it. The more you practice, the easier it will become. You also will be rewarded with the same comfortable, positive response in YOURSELF that you are creating for another.

MATCHING

One basic difference between mirroring and matching is timing. This is sometimes called pacing. While mirroring is simultaneous with the other person's movements, matching can sometimes have a 'time delay' factor to it. For example, if someone is gesturing while talking and making a point, you can be still and attending. When it is your turn to speak, you can make your comments and your point using the same, or similar gestures.

There are other types of matching:

CROSS-OVER MIRRORING is choosing to match one of your behaviors to a corresponding, but different movement of another.

For example, if a person is blinking rapidly, you may cross-over match by discreetly tapping your finger at the same rate as they are blinking; or pace the rhythm of someone's speaking with slight nods of your head or your breathing.

MISMATCHING is also a useful skill to master. Have you ever had someone go on and on and on when having a conversation with him or her...when you wonder if they will ever stop talking?

You can break eye contact, turn your body at an angle to them, breathe faster or slower in contrast to their breathing...in short, do anything to break rapport by mismatching. You will be surprised how quickly and easily the conversation will draw to a close.

You will find you hear and observe other people in more detail as you learn these basic rapport skills. Paying attention to others in this way is a process of building trust, and the more elegantly you mirror, match and crossover match, the more your customers will turn into "raving fans."

GENUINENESS

This involves having a genuine interest in them. One of the most effective ways of creating rapport does not fit easily into the Match & Lead pattern. This is where rapport occurs because of your genuine interest in the other person's model of the world.

COMPULSIVE MATCHING AND MIRRORING

Some people feel they just have to match and mirror.

A young woman who matched and mirrored constantly was sitting across from a colleague who was tired of being mimicked. The colleague slid down in his chair, and of course she did the same. Then the colleague slid down even farther. She did the same. Finally, one slide too many, and the woman literally fell on the floor! Her colleague, conscious of his mirroring, remained in his chair.

DEVELOPING RAPPORT SKILLS

The more you practice, the more you will become aware of the different rhythms, gestures, breathing patterns that you and others have. It is fascinating to enter another person's "map of the world" by mirroring their behavior. You can learn so much more about them this way.

Be sure to be subtle in mirroring when establishing rapport. If the other person is making grand, sweeping gestures, you may choose to make similar, but smaller, less obvious movements. In the beginning it may feel awkward. But the value in learning to achieve and maintain rapport is worth the time and effort it takes to become skilled in this area of communication.

And you might be surprised to discover that your 'intuition' will be enhanced as you become aware of behaviors and actions of which you were previously unaware.

Mirroring is something we automatically do when we're around people we feel comfortable with. To learn to mirror purposely in order to gain rapport enables us to enhance our communication with others and have the support of everyone we meet to help us achieve our outcomes and goals.

When speaking to family members or business colleagues, find a specific behavior or movement to focus on and match or crossover match. You might select one behavior per day to practice until you can build a whole repertoire of rapport skills.

You might:

Use your hand movement to pace another persons breathing.
Move your foot to pace another person's head movements.
Tilt your shoulders slightly as the other person tilts their head.
Lift a finger as the other person lifts an eyebrow.

And feel free to create your own crossover matching techniques! Also remember to practice mismatching, but be sure to end the interaction in a state of rapport.

To extend your ability to create rapport you need to have excellent sensory acuity and calibration skills, spend time practicing just one form of matching until you can use this easily and without thinking about it. Then add another element, then another, and so on. That's all there is to it - keen observation and practice.
With consistent practice you will be able to effortlessly create rapport with total strangers in just a few minutes, whether or not you like them, and whether or not you have areas of common interest.

And remember, engaging in rapport must be subtle. If the process intrudes into the other person's conscious awareness they may respond unfavorably or become uncomfortable.

How to build rapport

Outcome:

To be able to establish rapport with any person, at any moment in time.

Theory:

A. Communication is:
7% WORDS
38% TONALITY
55% PHYSIOLOGY

B. When people are like each other, they like each other. Rapport is a process of responsiveness, not necessarily 'liking'.
Process:
A. Rapport is established by matching & mirroring
B. The major elements of rapport:
Mirroring
Matching

PHYSIOLOGY (55%)

Posture
Gesture
Facial expression & blinking
Breathing

TONALITY (38%)
Voice
Tone (pitch)
Tempo (speed)
Timbre (quality)
Volume (loudness)

WORDS (7%)
Predicates
Key words
Common experiences & associations
Content chunks

A classic if unusual example of rapport can be found in the book "Uncommon Therapy" by Jay Haley (ISBN 0-393-31031-0), about the psychotherapeutic intervention techniques of Milton Erickson. Erickson developed the ability to enter the world view of his patients and, from that vantage point (having established rapport), he was able to make extremely effective interventions (to help his patients overcome life problems).

In Neuro-linguistic programming, Richard Bandler and John Grinder noticed that the family therapist Virginia Satir "matched her predicates (verbs, adverbs, and adjectives) to those used by her clients"[1] They noticed Fritz Perls also did similar things with his clients. In addition Milton Erickson mirrored his clients body posture, and movements. However, due to post polio syndrome, Erickson had limited movement and was not able match his clients posture directly. Instead he would change his voice and head position in time with the client's movements.[1] Bandler and Grinder stated that once mirroring was established, the therapist could then 'lead' the client by changing their own state and offering suggestions. It was, thus, a way to improve responsiveness and communication.

Teaching learners to build rapport presents a number of challenges... In one study, faculty examined the same videotape segment of a rapport-building exchange and had divergent observations of the quality of the rapport building, ranging from positive to inadequate and even negative. A second challenge is that faculty are not consistent in evaluating a learner's rapport-building skills across an encounter. In this same study, 72% of the faculty identified specific rapport skills demonstrated in the early phase of the interview, but only 25% were able to identify those same rapport-building skills later in the same interview. Teachers should remind learners that a key aspect of physical mirroring is to be subtle and inexact since being obvious may decrease rapport.

Milton H. Erickson was a master at building rapport by subtly mirroring his patients' body language. In mirroring his patients, he would not directly imitate the patient but would simply tilt his head at an angle similar to the angle of his patient's and/or respond with body movements comparable to those performed by the patient.

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There are a number of techniques in NLP training that are beneficial in building rapport. Some of these techniques are explored in this blog on rapport using neuro linguistic programming. Read more on NLP Training and Rapport Have you ever met someone and after 10 minutes of talking felt like you have known the person...

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Worth considering all perspectives

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How academics can help ensure students’ wellbeing

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Academic staff can play a central role in identifying struggling students and encouraging them to access support. Here are 10 things to bear in mind

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A night in accident and emergency has nothing on a day as matron in a private prep school, says former nurse and school matron Janie Price. When she wasn't dealing with urgent medical complaints - torsion of the testicles or an asthma attack - she was soothing teary seven-year-olds over a glass of Ribena, correcting table manners, mending uniforms, separating sparring pupils or rushing across a rugby pitch with a first-aid kit.

"Matrons have to be cuddly and warm. They are the ones children go to when they are sad or sick. They are the ones parents go to with problems that aren't about school work. I'd liaise with teachers - a good pastoral team at school will talk to each other and have a holistic approach," says Price.

Decades ago, pastoral care barely existed, but independent schools and even many academic hothouses are now making huge efforts to create a nurturing and supportive setting. Every establishment will boast excellent pastoral care, and some achieve it more than others. "Pastoral care [at independent schools] is rarely less than good, and often excellent, which reflects the emphasis schools tend to place on this area," says the Independent Schools Inspectorate (ISI).

As well as cuddly matrons, pastoral care falls into the remit of a web of staff overseen by a headteacher in smaller schools, or often a deputy. Year group tutors liaise with heads of house and other relevant staff to catch pupils who might otherwise have fallen through the net. In many schools, such as Loyola Preparatory School for boys in Essex, older pupils might be mentors. "They're not prefects. It means pupils can talk to them without retaliation. We pick pupils with natural empathy and they have guidelines and report to staff," says Peter Nicholson, the headmaster.

In some schools, dedicated counsellors or members of the clergy are on hand to chat directly with pupils. "The people who work there like children. More often than not matrons are lovely, hardworking women who've been there for years and years. People won't pay for their children to attend unless they are happy," says Price, who has worked in leading prep and senior schools within Hampshire. Happiness for young pupils often depends on being ready for lessons, says Price. Large chunks of her time were spent finding sports kit or musical instruments. But medical staff are also adept at dealing with weightier problems, such as strife at home, bereavement or illness. "You have to be discreet. Most schools have weekly meetings to discuss welfare."

Independent schools pride themselves on being available to parents, who can phone or email a teacher directly. Such access has proved invaluable to one mother who is in the middle of separating from her husband. She has just received a reassuring email from the headmaster of the school where her two boys board. "I'm on first name terms with the staff," she says. "I can ring them up or pop in and let them know what's going on. Their house parents are lovely - like surrogate grandparents. I am so relieved my boys have been out of the home during this time, had their own life and not witnessed all the fights."

She drops by the school every day. "It's a walk-in school [with a security code]. If I want to give them a hug, help them with music practice or drop something off, I can. I don't feel they are behind a wall, and I know staff are looking out for them."

Her experience reflects how much boarding schools have changed. Today's boarders are more likely to settle down to a pizza and a film than a cold bath and early bed. "You have to make it fun, like a sleepover," says Price. Having someone on hand around the clock reassures parents. If tears are going to come, it's usually after lights out, say house parents and staff who remain on call throughout the night. "We give the pupils a view of home life with a stable and happy couple," says one wife of a house parent and teacher at a Surrey boarding school. "For some children, boarding is better than back at home. Some of them don't want to go home in the holidays as school is where they are happiest."

Day schools can also provide this kind of nurturing. A long day, often from 8am to 6pm, and freedom from the tyranny of league tables gives teachers room to forge firm relationships with pupils. "We have the luxury of more time; plenty for the teacher to stop and spend it with the children and nurture individuals, which you might not get in the fast-paced day of a state primary," says Julie Robinson, education and training director at the Independent Association of Prep Schools (IAPS) and a former prep school head for 11 years. "Parents tend to be very supportive, because they have literally invested in their children to go to school."

Since teachers at independent schools are nearly always required to lead extracurricular activities, they bond outside the classroom. "I know from experience that pupils may not have engaged academically, but when they realised I wasn't only a dusty don waxing lyrical about philosophy but someone who could also crunch them in a rugby tackle, we developed more of a rapport," says Dr Jerry Grundy, head of Akeley Wood School. "During my own school days, I worked harder for teachers who knew me best," he says. Smaller class sizes inevitably help teachers focus more on individuals and spend less time on crowd control. At Portsmouth Grammar School, staff make a point of ringing new parents at the start of the year to chat about any issues and follow up if necessary.

Amid the traditional setting of many independent schools, there are often progressive additions to the school day designed to nurture and expand minds. North London Collegiate School encourages pupils to organise their own extracurricular societies, with older girls offering the likes of book clubs for younger pupils. At the informal Bedales School in Hampshire, pupils can work in the school's bakery. Harrow School offer hands-on experience at its working farm, complete with longhorn cattle and a flock of Shetland sheep.

Meanwhile, at St James Senior Girls' School in Kensington, pupils spend around 10 minutes at the start and end of each day in quiet meditation, contemplation or silent prayer. Every lesson begins and ends with a silent pause, and pupils can choose to learn meditation at a centre in nearby Holland Park. "Wellbeing is a really overused word, but pupils say they find [meditation time] brings them simple peace. It just works," says headteacher Laura Hyde. She teaches values that have been drawn from the ancient and modern wisdom traditions found in both the East and West. "We look for relevance to everyday life," she explains.

Parents say they like the supportive and unusually kind atmosphere, where sixth formers act as mentors or "big sisters" to younger pupils - the ISI praises it highly for a holistic approach and nurturing environment. Hyde also tackles internet and online social issues head on - talks about online behaviour are well attended by parents. "Levels of anxiety about early sexualisation and online protection are high," says Hyde. "The key is appealing to girls to assume responsibility for themselves and for the welfare of others. We don't want to shield them, but encourage them to value something greater than what society is throwing out. It's a massive challenge, and something independent schools perhaps have more freedom to focus on."
'I really missed the gentle atmosphere at St James'
Sarah (not her real name), 14, joined St James Senior Girls' School in Kensington aged 11 and chose to leave for a co-education independent school in 2012. She opted to return to St James after one term.

"I wanted to move schools because I wanted to experience a large coeducational school - I talked it through with St James and they were really encouraging. In the new school, there were about five classes to a year group as opposed to two. I found the girls weren't that kind and I really missed the gentle atmosphere at St James. There was a dress code, but no uniform at the new school - I didn't like it. There was a big division about what people could afford and I felt I was being judged. You had to be cool.

There was a lot of nastiness. St James girls are so nice and calm. I've learned here to focus my thoughts. All the teachers are kind and gentle and really open. When I had worries, I spoke regularly to [the headteacher] Mrs Hyde. She talked through ways of dealing with a situation."

Sarah's mother

"The head is very approachable, she doesn't talk down to the girls. When it was clear Sarah was determined to leave, we had a formal meeting and she took Sarah seriously and gave her blessing.

Sarah began to realise what she had left behind. All schools talk about caring, but this is a school which actually does. There's a prize for speaking well of others. There's a low staff turnover and you know they really know your child. It's traditional, but ahead of the game. It's not pretending celebrity and teen culture doesn't exist, but it shows you what choices you can make. You don't get many schools were 14- and 15-year-olds will happily play Dungeons & Dragons rather than on their iPhones."
'We have always felt very supported'
Penny Rowden's daughter, Charlotte, now in her final A-level year, developed chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS) aged 14. She attends Portsmouth Grammar School.

"Charlotte has been battling with CFS since the age of 14. Despite enjoying school and doing very well academically, she was complaining of feeling ill and exhausted much of the time and I had difficulty getting her into school. This has continued on and off throughout her GCSE and A-level years and on average she probably manages two or three days a week in school.

This is such a difficult illness to understand, but as a family we have always felt very supported by the school. Her tutor and I are in regular contact by email and phone and her teachers make sure that any work missed is emailed to her or made available on the school's [online learning platform]. They allow her to work at her own pace and ensure she has as much notice as possible of exam deadlines to avoid putting unnecessary pressure on her.

This is a very academic school, but I remember a meeting with her head of house when she first became ill. He told her: "Just be the best you can be, not what everyone else wants you to be." Her paediatrician recommended that she should only take four GCSEs, but with all the support she managed eight, gaining all As and A*s, and is studying for three A-levels.

Her passion is music, particularly choral singing, and this has been supported and encouraged, even at the expense of missed lessons, because her teachers recognise it makes her feel so much better. She's now a head chorister and has university offers to read music - the music department at school has been incredibly helpful and proactive in helping her to achieve this."

Reuse content

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A night in accident and emergency has nothing on a day as matron in a private prep school, says former nurse and school matron Janie Price. When she wasn't dealing with urgent medical complaints - torsion of the testicles or an asthma attack - she was soothing teary seven-year-olds over a glass of Ribena, correcting table manners, mending uniforms, separating sparring pupils or rushing across a rugby pitch with a first-aid kit.

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