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An Arranged Marriage (Company of Rogues, #1)

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An Arranged Marriage has 3,203 ratings and 305 reviews. Elis said: OK. This was me at various points in the book...when I wasn'tHere's the basic st...

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An Arranged Marriage. no one is safe from failed parents

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i was in an arranged marrige to Damon Salvatori. i had no say so and now i was only to marry because of my parents. and what his family did to save my life. if it was up to me i would wonder how i ...

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Why Are So Many Indian Arranged Marriages Successful?

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Why Are So Many Indian Arranged Marriages Successful?

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During my two plus decades living in the United States, I have seen many changes occur in my native India. The country eradicated the scourge of polio, sent a rocket ship to Mars on a shoestring budget, built modern highways crisscrossing the country, and flexed its economic muscles, raising tens of millions of people out of poverty.

One phenomenon that hasn't changed, however, and continues to puzzle and intrigue many people (including me) is the institution of the Indian arranged marriage. Even today, a vast majority of Indians and Indian Americans that I know, including family members, friends, acquaintances, and my students, many of them among the highest educated and westernized strata, choose an arranged marriage over a free-choice one.

How does a modern Indian arranged marriage work?

A typical modern arranged marriage works as follows. For both men and women, the individual's parents or older family members screen for and find prospective mates for further consideration through their social circle, community, or by advertising on matrimonial websites or newspapers. There is an initial meeting in a family gathering, after which the couple has a few opportunities for chaperoned courtship. At this point if neither party has vetoed the match and if they are so inclined, they may spend some time together alone. And then it is time to make the decision. It is not unusual for the process from initial introduction to the final yes/ no decision to unfold within a few days. A 2013 IPSOS survey found that 74% of young Indians (18-35 years old) prefer an arranged marriage over a free-choice one. Other sources report that as many as 90% of all Indian marriages are arranged.

In this post, I want to explore two rather interesting and reliable statistics related to Indian arranged marriages. The first is that Indians have an astonishingly low divorce rate. Despite doubling in urban areas since 2007, only about 1 in 100 Indian marriages end in divorce. This is one of the lowest divorce rates in the world. Even more impressive is the second statistic, about the high levels of satisfaction reported by those in arranged marriages over the longer-term.

A recent study of relationship outcomes among Indian-American couples married either through free-choice or arranged marriages for about a decade found absolutely no differences. Those in arranged marriages were just as satisfied with their marriage and loved their partner as intensely as those who wed through free-choice. Other studies have found similar results. Despite criticisms of self-selection and small sample sizes leveled against some of these studies, this is the best available evidence and it suggests that Indian arranged marriages are at least as successful as free-choice ones.

How can this be? How can two people who barely know each other make such an important decision that will affect their joint futures so quickly? And even more surprising, how can a decision made this way lead to positive outcomes for so many couples?

I want to propose three factors that might help explain this puzzle. These have to do with relinquishing difficult aspects of the choice, choosing with relatively little deliberation, and starting the relationship with lower expectations. Let's look at each of these factors in detail.

Relinquishing Difficult Aspects of the Choice

From a decision making perspective, choosing a marriage partner through arrangement has at least two major advantages. The first is that people that one respects and trusts, AKA parents or elders prescreen the available options, leaving a small and manageable choice set.

In free-choice marriage decisions, one of the hardest challenges is finding a good set of options to choose from. From those interested in marriage, complaints about how hard it is to find a good man or a good woman are commonplace. Just as problematic, when left to their own devices, people tend to use prescreening criteria that emphasize outward appearances (looks, possessions, etc.). These are short-term oriented but may not necessarily contribute to longer-term marital outcomes. For instance, social psychologists have found impressive evidence for "attractiveness matching" in which daters give heavy weight to physical attractiveness of potential partners, and favor those whose attractiveness is comparable to their own.

A second difficult challenge is choice set size. The question of how many potential partners to date before marrying someone can be answered by math (the answer is the square root of n, where n is potential lifetime dates, the solution to the " optimal stopping problem") or computation (made famous by the big data-driven process used by mathematician Chris McKinlay on OKCupid). But for most people, it is difficult to figure out when to stop searching and just as hard not to begin again once they have settled for chosen a partner.

When a marriage is arranged, both these problems are solved. Prospects come vetted. What is more, they share many characteristics such as social class, religion, caste (yes, even today, for Hindus), and educational attainment that signal similarity and may be important predictors of longer-term marriage success. The vetting process also limits the choice set size and puts a grinding halt to further search once a choice is made. Making others you trust do all the hard work in the choice process pays off.

Choice with Relatively Little Deliberation

The conventional wisdom about decision making is that the more time and effort we spend in making a decision, especially for important issues, the better our decision will be and the happier we will be with the outcome. But this is not always the case. There is a whole body of research that points to the exact opposite conclusion. It shows that for complex decisions, people are better served by not thinking too much and relying more on gut feelings. In one study of IKEA furniture shoppers, for example, researchers found that those who thought less about which furniture to buy were happier with it a few weeks later. Another negative consequence of thinking too hard about different options is that people get attached to them so that choosing one option produces regret at having lost out on others (what psychologists call as the "choosing feels like losing" effect). Nowhere is this truer than in dating and marriage decisions where potential partners may have different attractive qualities, and none may have all the qualities one is looking for.

My hunch is that what applies to IKEA furniture also applies to choosing a husband or a wife. In an arranged marriage, the speed with which one must decide whether or not to marry the person they have been introduced to doesn't leave much time for careful thinking or comparisons. Instead, it encourages going with one's gut feelings about the partner, which in turn may leads to more satisfying outcomes. In free choice marriages, on the other hand, the long and elaborate dating process provides lots of time and opportunity to judge potential partners critically and deliberately, and long for the ones that got away.

Starting the Relationship with Lower Expectations

A third reason for positive outcomes in arranged marriages is the expectation level of participants. By and large, a couple entering an arranged marriage simply doesn't know each other that well compared to those beginning free-choice marriages. (The only exception is a free-choice marriage to a stranger during a Las Vegas trip.) Consequently, the expectations from each other at the relationship's outset will be lower. This is because in-depth knowledge is crucial to forming accurate expectations, and more knowledge produces higher expectations. In Indian arranged marriages, in particular, many people give greater weight to compatibility and financial security over romantic love, further contributing to restrained expectations. As research on satisfaction judgments shows, when expectations are low, they are more likely to be met or exceeded, leaving the newly-wed highly satisfied. In a free-choice marriage, in contrast, high expectations often develop during an elaborate dating period, with the culture placing great weight on the romantic love ideal. This sets people up for a let-down after the honeymoon period is over.

The Indian Arranged Marriage Puzzle in Cultural Context

A terrific amount has been written about Indian arranged marriages, of course. While I focused on reasons why some aspects of its decision making process favor positive longer-term outcomes, I certainly don't mean to suggest that this is a superior method of finding someone to marry. Rather, I see the positive outcomes as a puzzle. There are many important aspects of arranged marriage that I didn't discuss such as its roots, supports, and long history in Indian culture that make it socially acceptable. But just as there are heartwarming success stories about marriages between strangers leading to lasting love, there are stories of exploitation and suffering of women. One could easily write a lengthy dissertation examining the negative aspects of Indian arranged marriages.

If you enjoyed this article, you may enjoy my other posts on Indian arranged marriages.
I teach core marketing and pricing to MBA students at Rice University. You can find more information about me on my website or follow me on LinkedIn, Facebook, or Twitter.

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Why Are So Many Indian Arranged Marriages Successful?

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During my two plus decades living in the United States, I have seen many changes occur in my native India. The country eradicated the scourge of polio, sent a rocket ship to Mars on a shoestring budget, built modern highways crisscrossing the country, and flexed its economic muscles, raising tens of millions of people out of poverty.

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Countries Where Arranged Marriages are Common

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Countries Where Arranged Marriages are Common

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An arranged marriage can be understood as a system according to which the parents or eldest male members of two families proceed through various stages of negotiations and eventually arrange the marriage of the girl and the boy from their respective families. The defining aspect of an arranged marriage is that it is accepted by the spouses as a practical partnership rather than a match based purely on romantic love. In this sense of the term, arranged marriages were practiced in most parts of the world in the past. However with the rise of individualism and a weakening of traditional communities, the practice fell out of favor in Western and other developed societies. However even today arranged marriages are common in countries which largely follow a traditional social model.

India

In India, all decisions pertaining to the marriage, beginning from the choice of a partner to the date and economics of wedding are taken by the elders of the respective families. Traditionally this would be the eldest male member of the extended family of the groom and bride with senior ladies being consulted privately. This is slightly different from the older arranged marriages in western societies where it would be the father of the boy or girl and not the entire kin-group measuring the desirability of a potential match. The other defining characteristics of Indian arranged marriages are the importance of caste. Arranged marriages in India strictly adhere to religious and caste regulations. Both the partners must not only belong to the same religion but also to the same caste and preferably follow compulsions of sub-castes as well. It is the primacy of the caste regulations that differentiate Indian arranged marriages from those which used to exist in aristocratic Western societies in the previous centuries. While the Western model gave supreme importance to religion, lineage and class, Indian arranged marriages traditionally depended on keeping the caste lines intact. Even now an arranged marriage is fixed in same caste groups with inter-caste marriages still being restricted to love marriages. Other traits of arranged marriages in India like negotiations regarding dowry, the role of the matchmaker, the bias towards patriarchy and matching of horoscopes in found in many traditional Oriental cultures as well.

Pakistan

This is another country from the Indian subcontinent that largely follows the system of arranged marriages, backed by Sharia law which prohibits women from marrying without parental consent. Here the system of arranged marriage is based on Islamic teachings in the Quran that require fathers to protect their daughters, which has been interpreted as advocating arranged marriages. Interestingly even though the Muslim-majority Pakistan is widely different in religious terms from Hindu-majority India, in both countries arranged marriages are the norm. This can be taken as an indication that arranged marriage is more of a socio-cultural and particularly a patriarchal phenomenon rather than being a characteristic of any particular religion. In Pakistan, several types of arranged marriage exist. In certain tribal regions and rural areas there is a custom known as " Pait Likkhi". This involves two families agreeing to marry their children while they are still infants, or even before they are born. The actual marriage takes place when groom and bride are in their late teens or adults. Then there is the "Watta satta" which in Urdu literally means "give-and-take" and involves the custom of exchange brides between two clans. In order for a family to arrange a marriage for their son, they must also have a daughter to be married in return. If there is no sister to exchange in return for a son's spouse, a cousin or more distant relative is also accepted.

Arranged marriages are also common in other countries which follow Sharia or Islamic law as the basis of their legal system like Iran, Saudi Arabia, Yemen and Oman.

Japan

Among the Oriental societies, Japan is one of those countries where the system of arranged marriages continues to be practiced. By the end of the twentieth century in Japan, approximately 30 percent of marriages continued to be the traditional arranged marriages called omiai. One of the most important figures in Japanese arranged marriages is that of the 'nakodo' who can be considered both a formal matchmaker and a more informal "go-between". After the nakodo initiates a match, the prospective bride and groom meet and decide if they are suitable for each other. The parents are usually present at the first meeting. The couple continues to meet socially over a period of time before deciding to marry.

China

Modern China moved away from the system of arranged marriages with the ushering in of communism and its impact on all social and cultural institutions of the country. Yet arranged marriages continue to be practiced in many rural areas of China which have been relatively untouched by new political philosophies. Even in semi-urban areas today, Chinese men and women follow arranged marriages with a twist - they usually choose their own life partners and then their respective families take over. The groom's parents usually investigate the reputation and lineage of the bride's family. According to traditional Chinese pre-wedding rituals, a meeting takes place for the families to meet, usually with the bride and groom present. The bride's family takes this opportunity to ask about the status and wealth of the groom's family so as to ensure that their daughter will be treated well. If the parents are not happy about the background of the other family, the wedding may not even take place. If both families accept the match, the wedding and engagement negotiations continue according to traditional customs. In China it is the primacy of family negotiations and observance of traditional rituals that are more characteristic of arranged marriages rather than inability to choose one's own life partner.

Israel

In orthodox Jewish communities, a version of arranged marriages known as Shidduch is practiced. According to the prospective groom and bride are introduced to each other by family or community elders and then they are allowed to get to know each other or even date in the modern sense. In communities that uphold this perspective today, dating is reserved for the purpose of finding a suitable marriage partner. In other words, dating just to have fun or to meet people, is against Jewish law. Even in contemporary, non-Orthodox families, it is expected of young Jewish singles to date only for the purpose of marriage and procreation.

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Countries Where Arranged Marriages are Common

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An arranged marriage can be understood as a system according to which the parents or eldest male members of two families proceed through various stages of negotiations and eventually arrange the marriage of the girl and the boy from their respective families.

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Do Arranged Marriages Lead To Happier Relationships?

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Do Arranged Marriages Lead To Happier Relationships?

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Do Arranged Marriages Lead To Happier Relationships?

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Dating has changed a lot over the years, and now relationships often start over Facebook or text rather than dinner and a movie. But is that a good thing? Or do arranged marriages and traditional dating lead to happier relationships than today's dating methods? John and Bree discuss their ideas.

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The Marriage Project | Why This Arranged Marriage Worked

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The Marriage Project | Why This Arranged Marriage Worked

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Why This Arranged Marriage Worked | The Marriage Project

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Vicki and Fardad have been married for 36 years. In this new animated mini-series, we hear their beautiful story - starting from an arranged marriage in 1978, that happened only two months after they had met.

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Bollywood  & TV Celebs Arranged Marriage

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We bring to you love stories of famous Indian celebs who met their better halves their love in traditional arranged marriage. Shahid Kappor, meera rajput, raj Kapoor, Krishna Kapoor, Vivek Oberoi, Karan Patel, Ankita Bhargav, Madhuri Dixit,shriram Nene,Dhanush,Govinda,Rakesh Roshan,Nikitin Dheer,Kratika Sengar, Jay Soni etc are in the list who choose to find their love through arranged marriage.

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For all those who do not know the magic behind arranged marriages ! Follow us on FB @ https://www.facebook.com/pages/Indiameinworldfamous/714065468657010 Mail us at - indiamainworlfamous@gmail.com Our G+ page - https://plus.google.com/b/105803492630078229460/105803492630078229460/posts

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The upcoming wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton will assuredly not be short on pomp and tradition; one would expect nothing less from a royal family steeped in more than a thousand years of history.

When Prince William marries Middleton on April 29, he will take his place in the annals of British historical lore.

While William and Kate seem to be head over heels in love, British royal couples of the past have not always shared that feeling.

"Primarily, marriages were for strategic reasons, usually to create alliances, sometimes with France, sometimes with Spain and often with Germany," said Sandra den Otter, an associate professor of British history at Queen's University.

"This would be sometimes to prevent another rival power from being in a position of opposition to Britain, but it could also be to strengthen the power base within the country itself.

"Occasionally, there was love in addition to these strategic considerations, but personal affection and romance were secondary to these diplomatic and political reasons."

This is not to say there is no element of strategy to the hype surrounding William and Kate's nuptials.

"The pressures on them are enormous," she said. "Because of celebrity culture, every detail of their lives can be consumed for the enjoyment of a worldwide public.

"The wedding as spectacle has a political function even though the weddings are no longer political in themselves."

Den Otter said that when talking about the romance and strategy of royal weddings, there are several examples throughout history that stand out.

William the Conqueror and Matilda of Flanders

William, then Duke of Normandy, invaded England in 1066 to become the first Norman king of the country. As his name would suggest, he was not known to have the sunniest of dispositions. He married Matilda of Flanders in 1053.

"He was devoted to his wife even though we know of him as a hard and brutal man who conquered Britain," said den Otter.

The marriage was not a popular one.

"We don't quite know why it was, but they were both excommunicated by the Pope," she said. "Some people speculate that it might have been because they were distantly related.

"Nonetheless, their marriage was very long and very, very happy, and some people say William became much more tyrannical after Matilda's death in 1083."

He ruled until his death in 1087.

Henry VIII and Catherine of Aragon

Oddly enough, it was not Henry VIII who was meant to end up with Catherine of Aragon, the youngest daughter of King Ferdinand II and Queen Isabella I of what is now Spain. She was initially betrothed to Henry's older brother, Prince Arthur. Den Otter says the marriage established a powerful alliance with Spain.

"Henry VII was really using the wedding of Prince Arthur to Catherine of Aragon to assert the legitimacy of the Tudor line," she said. "He had just emerged from a civil war, so he really wanted to establish to Britain, and Europe, that the Tudor line had authority."

Like the organizers of the upcoming wedding of William and Kate, Henry VII ensured his son's union would be a spectacle.

"That marriage had huge public interest," said den Otter. "It was held at St. Paul's Cathedral, and it's estimated that about half the population of London turned up to watch the wedding."

Prince Arthur, however, died in 1502 at the age of 15 after only 20 weeks of marriage to Catherine. Initially, the younger Henry was meant to marry Catherine at only 10 years old, but Henry VII lost interest in the Spanish alliance. The wedding eventually took place in 1509 after his death.

George II and Caroline of Brandenburg-Ansbach

After a loving courtship, George, then Prince of Wales, married Caroline in 1705.

"This is a great example of a marriage that was both diplomatic as well as resulting in life-long romance," said den Otter. "When George II died in 1760, he had requested he be buried alongside his wife, Carolyn, who had predeceased him.

"He instructed the coffins to be removed so that their dust could mingle after death, and the notion was they had such a romantic attachment even though their marriage was initially for strategic considerations."

George IV and Princess Caroline of Brunswick

In 1783, when King George IV was still a prince, as William is today, he was far from the apple of his father George III's eye.

"He had a huge gambling debt and lived quite a riotous lifestyle," said den Otter. "He had also contracted a secret marriage to somebody called Mrs. Fitzherbert, who not only was a widow but also a Catholic."

But the young George's gambling debts were too great, and he was forced to ask his father to bail him out.

"So, his father made as a condition for the bailout that he would need to contract a respectable marriage," den Otter said.

"He was contracted to marry Princess Caroline of Brunswick; he was drunk through the wedding and probably [through] the consummation of the marriage."

In 1796, once Caroline had given birth to Princess Charlotte, the couple parted company, and Caroline spent much of her time traveling throughout Europe.

"He really despised her," den Otter explains. "When he became monarch [in 1821], he tried to have her barred from the crown. There's images of her pounding the doors of the abbey trying to be part of the coronation."

She died within weeks of his ascension to the throne.

"There was a lot of support for her on the part of the British public, who saw George IV as a lazy, womanizing, gambler," den Otter said.

Queen Victoria and Prince Albert of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha

Much has been made of the love shared between Queen Victoria, Britain's longest-reigning monarch, and Prince Albert, who were wed in 1840.

"The romantic attachment the couple had is well known," said den Otter. "Victoria's devastation following his death, after all, led to an emotional collapse."

The political gains, however, are not as widely acknowledged.

"Victoria is also interesting in that she really used her happy marriage with Albert to cement the legitimacy of the British Crown," she said. "She depicted herself as a respectable wife, a virtuous mother, and this gave her grounds to be the 'mother' of the British nation.

"When Queen Victoria removed herself from public life after the death of her husband [in 1861], there were real challenges to the legitimacy of the monarchy, including attempts on her life."

It was only after her son, the future Edward VII, was sick with typhoid fever in 1872 that such resentment subsided.

King Edward VIII and Wallis Simpson

Although not one of the royal family's fondest memories, Edward VIII's abdication of the British throne in 1936 allowed him to marry the woman he loved - an American divorcee named Wallis Simpson. Den Otter says this marriage could have brought down the entire monarchy.

"Had his abdication not been followed by the very successful reign of his brother," she said. "There would have been a bigger movement towards republicanism.

"Whatever battering the monarchy took during the abdication crisis was really turned around dramatically during the Second World War."

Following the abdication, Edward and Simpson married in 1937 and became the Duke and Duchess of Windsor. Amidst growing concern about the former king's apparent support of Adolf Hitler, whom he met on a visit to Germany in 1937, the couple left Britain in 1940 when Edward was made governor of the Bahamas. Edward died in Paris in 1972, and Simpson died 14 years later.

"It's a testament to their love that he gave up so much just to be with her," said den Otter.

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Royal marriages throughout history | CBC News

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The upcoming wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton will assuredly not be short on pomp and tradition; one would expect nothing less from a royal family steeped in more than a thousand years of history. When Prince William marries Middleton on April 29, he will take his place in the annals of British historical lore.

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What are the best arguments for the cultural tradition of arranged marriages?

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What are the best arguments for the cultural tradition of arranged marriages?

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arranged marriage (noun) definition and synonyms | Macmillan Dictionary

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Define arranged marriage (noun) and get synonyms. What is arranged marriage (noun)? arranged marriage (noun) meaning, pronunciation and more by Macmillan Dictionary

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Love is the most beautiful feeling which a person experiences in his life.

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Advantages and disadvantages of arranged marriages

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Advantages and disadvantages of arranged marriages

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Arranged marriages have been around for thousands of years, and were practiced all around the world at some point. They are when parents predetermine who their child will marry. These two people often have comparable backgrounds both socially and culturally. This tradition is still commonly practiced in India, South Asia, and other parts of the world. Recently it has begun to raise controversy. People are beginning to ask questions about the reasoning and motives behind these arranged marriages.

Pros Of Arranged Marriages

1. The "One"
People who are placed in an arranged marriage do not have to worry about the dating world, or waiting for the "one". This takes a lot of stress and anxiety out of life.

2. Parental Discretion
Your parents are the ones who choose who you are to marry, so you do not have to worry about them liking your spouse. The same goes for having to worry about your in-laws approving of you.

3. Same Values
Your parents will choose your spouse extremely carefully. They will make sure it is someone who matches your own beliefs and values to ensure compatibility.

4. Close To Your Roots
Participating in an arranged marriage can make you feel much closer to your family, and your culture. Arranged marriages are highly traditional and renowned.

5. Love Grows
While you may not say your I Do's completely love struck, that doesn't mean the you are doomed to a loveless marriage. Love takes time, but will (hopefully) bloom.

6. Children
With two parents of the exact same background, religion, and culture your children will grow up immersed in theirs. You do not have to worry about conflicting views on things like that because they where discussed ahead of time.

Cons Of Arranged Marriages

1. Wedding Blues
You may feel like your wedding is not your own. You do not know the person you are marrying nor their family. It is completely done by the families, the bride and groom have very little say in their wedding ceremony.

2. Dating Deprived
Dating is taken out of the equation when you have an arranged marriage. You do not get the opportunity to figure out what you do and do not like in a partner.

3. Placing Blame
If any marital problems arise between the couple then the parents are often the first the be blamed. Especially if the marriage results in a divorce, the family is humiliated because it is perceived as their fault.

4. Family Ties
It is inevitable that you family will be very highly involved in your life. This includes your married life. This can cause problems between the married couple.

5. Waiting For Love
Love takes a long time to develop. When two people are thrown into a marriage that isn't based on the foundation of love, it may take quite some time for these feeling to develop. This can lead to depression, misery, and divorce.

6. No Diversity
Arranged marriages focus on keeping tradition and culture alive. This sadly means that they do not stray from their cultural background.

7. Identity Loss
People may find themselves changing what they like or who they are in order to fit into their spouses or family's ideals. This can be very damaging.

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Important Facts About Arranged Marriages

Arranged marriages are considered a social and economic necessity. They are done to join families power and wealth.

They are also called pragmatic marriage.

They are currently accepted practices in Iraq, India, Bangladesh, Iran, Afghanistan, and some other Islam countries.

The global rate of divorce among arranged marriages is only 4 percent.

48 percent of girls in South Asia were forced to marry before the age of 18.

90 percent of all marriages in India are arranged.

Entire families are involved in choosing a mate for the bride/groom. Including aunts, uncles, 1st, 2nd, and even 3rd cousins!

60 percent of all of the marriages in the world are arranged.

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Arranged Marriage Advantages and Disadvantages List

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Arranged marriages have been around for thousands of years, and were practiced all around the world at some point. They are when parents predetermine who their child will marry. These two people often have comparable backgrounds both socially and culturally. This tradition is still commonly practiced in India, South Asia, and other parts of the world.

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        Arranged marriage is better than love marriage
        
        

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        Arranged marriage is better than love marriage
        
        

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Arranged marriage is better than love marriage

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Group discussion - Arranged marriage is better than love marriage - Arranged marriages is better than Love marriages would be Statistics.....

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Arranged marriage is a type of marital union where the bride and groom are selected by their families rather than by each other.

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Arranged marriage is a type of marital union where the bride and groom are selected by their families rather than by each other.

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Arranged marriage is a type of marital union where the bride and groom are primarily selected by individuals other than the couple themselves, particularly by family members such as the parents. In some cultures, a professional matchmaker may be used to find a spouse for a young person.

Arranged marriages have historically been prominent in many cultures. The practice remains common in many regions, notably South Asia, Southeast Asia, the Middle East, North Africa, Sub-Saharan Africa, and the Caucasus. In many other parts of the world, the practice has declined substantially during the 19th and 20th centuries.[citation needed ]

Forced marriages, practiced in some families, are condemned by the United Nations. The specific sub-category of forced child marriage is especially condemned. In other cultures, people mostly choose their own partner.

Arranged marriages were very common throughout the world until the 18th century. Typically, marriages were arranged by parents, grandparents or other close relatives and trusted friends. Some historical exceptions are known, such as courtship and betrothal rites during the Renaissance period of Italy and Gandharva Vivah in the Vedic period of India.

Marriage in Greco-Roman antiquity was based on social responsibility. Marriages were usually arranged by the parents; on occasion professional matchmakers were used. For the marriage to be legal, the woman's father or guardian had to give permission to a suitable man who could afford to marry. Orphaned daughters were usually married to cousins. The couple participated in a ceremony which included rituals such as removal of the veil. A man was typically limited to only one wife, though he could have as many mistresses as he could afford.[citation needed ]

In China, arranged marriages (baoban hunyin, 包办婚姻) - sometimes called blind marriages (manghun, 盲婚) - were the norm before the mid-20th century. A marriage was a negotiation and decision between parents and other older members of two families. The boy and girl were typically told to get married, without a right to demur, even if they had never met each other until the wedding day.

Arranged marriages were the norm in Russia before the early 20th century, most of which were endogamous.

Until the first half of the 20th century, arranged marriages were common in migrant families in the United States. They were sometimes called "picture-bride marriages" among Japanese-American immigrants because the bride and groom knew each other only through the exchange of photographs before the day of their marriage. These marriages among immigrants were typically arranged by parents or close relatives from the country of their origin. As immigrants settled in and melded into a new culture, arranged marriages shifted first to quasi-arranged marriages where parents or friends made introductions and the couple met before the marriage; over time, the marriages among the descendants of these immigrants shifted to autonomous marriages driven by individual's choice, dating and courtship preferences, and an increase in marrying outside of their own ethnic group. Similar historical dynamics are claimed in other parts of the world.

Arranged marriages have declined in prosperous countries with social mobility and increasing individualism; nevertheless, arranged marriages are still seen in countries of Europe and North America, among royal families, aristocrats and minority religious groups such as in placement marriage among Fundamentalist Mormon groups of the United States. In most other parts of the world, arranged marriages continue to varying degrees and increasingly in quasi-arranged form, along with autonomous marriages.

In some communities, especially in rural parts of the Middle East, North Africa, and South Asia, a woman who refuses to go through with an arranged marriage, tries to leave an arranged marriage via divorce, or is suspected of any kind of "immoral" behaviour may be considered to have dishonored her entire family. This being the case, her male relatives may be ridiculed or harassed and any of her siblings may find it impossible to enter into a marriage. In these cases, killing the woman is a way for the family to enforce the institution of arranged marriages. Unlike cases of domestic violence, honor killings are often done publicly for all to see and there are frequently family members involved in the act.

Marriages have been categorized into four groups in scholarly studies:

Forced arranged marriage: parents or guardians select, the individuals are neither consulted nor have any say before the marriage

Wedding of Emperor Pedro I of Brazil to Amélie of Leuchtenberg in the Imperial Chapel in 1829, three years after the death of his first wife Maria Leopoldina of Austria.

Consensual arranged marriage: parents or guardians select, then the individuals are consulted, who consider and consent, and each individual has the power to refuse; sometimes, the individuals meet - in a family setting or privately - before engagement and marriage as in shidduch custom among Orthodox Jews

Self-selected marriage: individuals select, then parents or guardians are consulted, who consider and consent, and where parents or guardians have the power of veto.

Autonomous marriage: individuals select, the parents or guardians are neither consulted nor have any say before the marriage

Gary Lee and Lorene Stone suggest that most adult marriages in recent modern history are somewhere on the scale between consensual arranged and autonomous marriage, in part because marriage is a social institution. Similarly, Broude and Greene, after studying 142 cultures worldwide, have reported that 130 cultures have elements of arranged marriage.

Extreme examples of forced arranged marriage have been observed in some societies, particularly in child marriages of girls below age 12. Illustrations include vani which is currently seen in some tribal/rural parts of Pakistan, and Shim-pua marriage Taiwan before the 1970s (Tongyangxi in China).

Arranged exogamous marriage: is one where a third party finds and selects the bride and groom irrespective of their social, economic and cultural group.

Arranged endogamous marriage: is one where a third party finds and selects the bride and groom from a particular social, economic and cultural group.

Consanguineous marriage: is a type of arranged endogamous marriage. It is one where the bride and groom share a grandparent or near ancestor. Examples of these include first cousin marriages, uncle-niece marriages, second cousin marriages, and so on. The most common consanguineous marriages are first cousin marriages, followed by second cousin and uncle-niece marriages. Between 25 and 40% of all marriages in parts of Saudi Arabia and Pakistan are first cousin marriages; while overall consanguineous arranged marriages exceed 65 to 80% in various regions of North Africa and Central Asia.

The bride and groom in all of the above types of arranged marriages, usually do have the right to consent; if the bride or the groom or both do not have a right to consent, it is called a forced marriage. Forced marriages are not the same as arranged marriages; these forced arrangements do not have the full and free consent of both parties, and no major world religion advocates for forced marriages. Arranged marriages are commonly associated with religion; a few people in some religions practice this form of marriage the religion does not promote it.

According to The Hindu Marriage Act, 1955 of India, non-consensual marriages and marriages where either the bridegroom is below the age of 21 years or the bride is below the age of 18 are prohibited for the Hindus, Buddhist, Sikhs and Jains.[citation needed ]

Non-consanguineous arranged marriage is one where the bride and groom do not share a grandparent or near ancestor. This type of arranged marriages is common in Hindu and Buddhist South Asia, Southeast Asia, East Asia and Christian Latin America and sub-Saharan Africa. Consanguineous marriages are against the law in many parts of United States and Europe. In the United Kingdom uncle-niece marriages are considered incestuous and are illegal, but cousin marriages are not forbidden, although there have been calls to ban first-cousin marriages due to health concerns. While consanguineous arranged marriages are common and culturally preferred in some Islamic countries and among migrants from Muslim countries to other parts of the world, they are culturally forbidden or considered undesirable in most Christian, Hindu and Buddhist societies. Consanguineous arranged marriages were common in Jewish communities before the 20th century, but have declined to less than 10% in modern times.

Over human history through modern times, the practice of arranged marriages has been encouraged by a combination of factors, such as the practice of child marriage, late marriage, tradition, culture, religion, poverty and limited choice, disabilities, wealth and inheritance issues, politics, social and ethnic conflicts.

"Marriage à-la-mode" by William Hogarth: a satire on arranged marriages and prediction of ensuing disaster

According to Warner, in nations with the high rates of child marriages, the marriage of the girl is almost always arranged by her parents or guardians. The nations with the highest rates of arranged child marriages are: Niger, Chad, Mali, Bangladesh, Guinea, Central African Republic, Afghanistan, Yemen, India and Pakistan. Arranged child marriages are also observed in parts of the Americas.

In impoverished communities, every adult mouth to feed becomes a continuing burden. In many of these cultures, women have difficulty finding gainful employment (or are simply prohibited from doing so), and their daughters become the greatest burden to the family. Some scholars argue that arranging a marriage of a daughter becomes a necessary means to reduce this burden. Poverty, thus, is a driver of arranged marriage.

Late marriage, particularly past the age of 30 years old, reduces the pool of available women for autonomous marriages. Introductions and arranged marriages become a productive option.

For example, in part due to economic prosperity, about 40% of modern Japanese women reach the age of 29 and have never been married. To assist late marriages, the traditional custom of arranged marriages called miai-kekkon is re-emerging. It involves the prospective bride and groom, family, friends and a matchmaker (nakōdo, 仲人); the pair is selected by a process with the individuals and family involved (iegara, 家柄). Typically the couple meets three times, in public or private, before deciding if they want to get engaged.

Migrant minority ethnic populations have limited choice of partners, particularly when they are stereotyped, segregated or avoided by the majority population. This encourages homogamy and arranged marriages within the ethnic group. Examples of this dynamic include Sikh marriages between 1910 and 1980 in Canada, arranged marriages among Hasidic Jews, and arranged marriages among Japanese American immigrants before the 1960s, who would travel back to Japan to marry the spouse arranged by the family, and then return married. In other cases, a girl from Japan would arrive in the United States as a picture bride, pre-arranged to marry the Japanese American man on arrival, whom she had never met.

Arranged marriage may be the consequence of certain customs. For example, in rural and tribal parts of Pakistan and Afghanistan, disputes, unpaid debts in default and crimes such as murder are settled by a council of village elders, called jirga. A typical punishment for a crime committed by males involves requiring the guilty family to marry their virgin girls between 5 and 12 year old to the other family. This custom requires no consent from the girl, or even her parents. Such arranged child marriages are called vani, swara and sak in different regional languages of Pakistan.

Another custom in certain Islamic nations, such as Pakistan, is watta satta, where a brother-sister pair of one family are swapped as spouses for a brother-sister pair of another family. In other words, the wife is also the sister-in-law for the males in two families. This custom inherently leads to arranged form of marriage. About 30% of all marriages in western rural regions of Pakistan are by custom watta-satta marriages, and 75% of these Muslim marriages are between cousins and other blood relatives. Some immigrant families prefer customary practice of arranged marriage.

In 1770, Empress Maria Theresa sent 14-year-old Maria Antonia to France to marry Louis-Auguste[61]

The arranged marriage in 1697, of Marie Adélaïde of Savoy, age 12 to Louis, Duke of Burgundy, heir apparent to the throne of France, as a result of the Treaty of Turin (1696). The marriage created an alliance between Louis XIV of France and the Duke of Savoy.

Arranged marriages across feudal lords, city states and kingdoms, as a means of establishing political alliances, trade and peace were common in human history. When a king married his son to a neighboring state's daughter, it indicated an alliance among equals, and signaled the former's state superiority. For example, the fourth daughter of Maria Theresa, Archduchess of Austria and Queen of Hungary, Marie Antoinette, married the dauphin (crown prince) of France, who would become King Louis XVI.

Throughout most of human history, marriage has been a social institution that produced children and organized inheritance of property from one generation to next. Various cultures, particularly some wealthy royals and aristocratic families, arranged marriages in part to conserve or streamline the inheritance of their wealth.

Tongyangxi, also known as Shim-pua marriage in Taiwanese - literally child or little daughter-in-law - was a tradition of arranged marriage, in which a poor family would arrange and marry a pre-adolescent daughter into a richer family as a servant. The little girl provided slave-like free labor, and also the daughter-in-law to the adoptive family's son. This sort of arranged marriage, in theory, enabled the girl to escape poverty and the wealthy family to get free labor and a daughter-in-law. Zhaozhui was a related custom by which a wealthy family that lacked an heir would arrange marriage of a boy child from another family. The boy would move in with the wealthy family, take on the surname of the new family, and marry the family's daughter. Such arranged marriages helped maintain inheritance bloodlines. Similar matrilocal arranged marriages to preserve wealth inheritance were common in Korea, Japan and other parts of the world.

In many cultures, particularly in parts of Africa and the Middle East, daughters are valuable on the marriage market because the groom and his family have to (not must) pay cash or property for the right to marry the daughter. This is termed as bride-wealth and locally by various names such as Lobola and Wine Carrying. The bride-wealth is typically kept by the bride's family, after the marriage, and is a source of income to poor families. The brothers, father, and male relatives of the bride typically take keen interest in arranging her marriage to a man who is willing to pay the most wealth in exchange for the right to marry her.

Some religious denominations recognize marriages only within the faith. Of the major religions of the world, Islam forbids marriage of girls of a devout parent to a man who does not belong to that religion. In other words, Islam forbids marriage of Muslim girls to non-Muslim men, and the religious punishment for those who marry outside might be severe. This is one of the motivations of arranged marriages in Islamic minority populations in Europe.

Arranged marriage is practiced by members of the Apostolic Christian Church, an Anabaptist denomination of Christianity:

The marriage process in the Apostolic Christian Church begins with a brother in the faith deciding that it is time for him to be married. The brother makes it a matter of prayer that God will show him who is to be his wife. Once a sister in the faith is selected the brother speaks to his father about it. With the father's blessing the brother then takes his proposal to the Elder, or leader, of his local church. If the local Elder feels the request is reasonable and that the brother's spiritual life is in order, he will forward the request to the Elder of the prospective bride's church. If this Elder feels that the request is reasonable and that their spiritual lives are in order, then the proposal is forwarded to the father of the prospective bride. If the father is in agreement then the proposal is forwarded to the sister in the faith. She is to them make it a matter of prayer to determine if it is God's will that she marry this brother in the faith. If she agrees, then the proposal is announced to their respective home churches. Marriages generally follow short engagement periods, as strict church discipline, including excommunication, is applied to those who have premarital relations.

In the United Kingdom, public discussion has questioned whether international arranged marriages are a sham without the intention that the spouses will live as a couple, a convenient means to get residency and European citizenship to some male or female immigrants, who would otherwise be denied a visa to enter the country. These fears have been stoked by observed divorces once the minimum married residence period requirement is met. MP Ann Cryer has alleged examples of such abuse by West Asian Muslim families in her motion to the UK's House of Commons. The United States has seen a similar controversy with sham arranged marriages.

Various international organizations, including UNICEF, have campaigned for laws to ban arranged marriages of children, as well as forced marriages. Article 15 and 16 of The Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination Against Women (CEDAW) specifically cover marriage and family law, which support such a ban.

Arranged marriages are a matter of debate and disagreements. Activists, such as Charlotte Bunch, suggest that marriages arranged by parents and other family members typically assume heterosexual preference and involve emotional pressure; this drives some individuals into marriages that they consent under duress. Bunch suggests that all marriages should be autonomous.

In contrast, preventing arranged marriages may harm many individuals who want to get married and can benefit from parental participation in finding and selecting a mate. For example, Willoughby suggests that arranged marriages work because they remove anxiety in process of finding the spouses. Parents, families and friends provide an independent perspective when they participate in learning and evaluating the other person, past history, behavior, as well as the couple's mutual compatibility. Willoughby further suggests that parents and family provide more than input in the screening and selection process; often, they provide financial support for the wedding, housing, emotional support and other valuable resources for the couple as they navigate past the wedding into married life, and help raise their children.

Divorce rates have climbed in the European Union and the United States with increase in autonomous marriage rates. The lowest divorce rates in the world are in cultures with high rates of arranged marriages such as Amish culture of United States (1%), Hindus of India (3%), and Ultra-Orthodox Jews of Israel (7%). According to a 2012 study by Statistic Brain, 53.25% of marriages are arranged worldwide. The global divorce rate for arranged marriages was 6.3%, which could be an indicator for the success rate of arranged marriages. This has led scholars to ask if arranged marriages are more stable than autonomous marriages, and whether this stability matters. Others suggest that the low divorce rate may not reflect stability, rather it may reflect the difficulty in the divorce process and social ostracism to the individuals, who choose to live in a dysfunctional marriage rather than face the consequences of a divorce. Also, the perception of high divorce rates attributed to self-arranged marriages in the United States is being called into question.

Various small sample surveys have been done to ascertain if arranged marriages or autonomous marriages have a more satisfying married life. The results are mixed - some state marriage satisfaction is higher in autonomous marriages, others find no significant differences. Johnson and Bachan have questioned the small sample size and conclusions derived from them.

Scholars ask whether love and respect in marital life is greater in arranged marriages than autonomous marriages. Epstein suggests that in many arranged marriages, love emerges over time. Neither autonomous nor arranged marriages offer any guarantees. Many arranged marriages also end up being cold and dysfunctional as well, with reports of abuse.

1. ^ O'Brien, Jodi, ed. (2008). Encyclopedia of Gender and Society. Vol. 1. SAGE Publishing. pp. 40-42. ISBN 978-1412909167 - via Internet Archive.

2. ^ Rong, Pan (2004). "WHY BEING SINGLE? A RESEARCH FOR THE DELAYED MARRIAGE AMONG PEOPLE (AGED 25-35) IN SHANGHAI, CHINA". Archived from the original on 13 January 2023.

3. ^ Lu, M.C.W. (2008). "Gender, marriage and migration : contemporary marriages between mainland China and Taiwan". Archived from the original on 21 October 2022.

4. Harry Reis and Susan Sprecher, Encyclopedia of Human Relationships, SAGE Publications, ISBN 978-1412958462, pages 113-117

5. ^ MDiv, Edward W. Kaleefey BA (2018-03-29). "Recalculating" Marriage: God's Direction to a Moral Marriage. WestBow Press. ISBN 978-1-9736-2165-2.

6. Joseph, S. E. (2007). Kissing Cousins. Current Anthropology, 48(5), pages 756-764

7. ^ "UNHCR's ELIGIBILITY GUIDELINES FOR ASSESSING THE INTERNATIONAL PROTECTION NEEDS OF AFGHAN ASYLUM-SEEKERS" (PDF). 2007. pp. 45-46. Archived from the original (PDF) on 5 March 2022.

8. ^ Early Marriage as a barrier to Girl's Education Archived July 18, 2013, at the Wayback Machine Jeannette Bayisenge, Rwanda (2008)

9. ^ Chawkins, Steve (January 15, 2009). "Teen's arranged marriage is allowed in native Mexico". Los Angeles Times. Archived from the original on January 19, 2009.

10. ^ "Omiai and Miai-gekkon, Arranged Marriages in Japan". hanamiweb.com. 6 November 2007. Archived from the original on 24 July 2013.

11. Hendry, Joy (2010), Marriage in Changing Japan: Community & Society (Vol. 4), Taylor & Francis

12. ^ Hasidism in America Public Broadcasting Service, United States (2002)

13. ^ G., Jacoby, Hanan; Ghazala, Mansuri (February 2007). "Watta Satta : Bride Exchange and Women's Welfare in Rural Pakistan".

14. ^ Tarabay, Jamie (14 October 2008). "Arranged Marriage: Trapped Between Two Cultures". Archived from the original on 19 October 2022.

15. ^ Lin Yuju (2011). "Zhaozhui son-in-law". Encyclopedia of Taiwan. Council for Cultural Affairs. Archived from the original on 2013-04-19.

16. ^ Granjo, Paulo (2004). Winning back our good luck: bridewealth in nowadays Maputo (PDF). Instituto Superior de Ciências Sociais e Políticas. Archived from the original (PDF) on 24 September 2015.

17. See: ^

Saad Ibrahim, Minority Rights Group International, The Copts of Egypt, January 1996; pages 24-25;

Philippe Fargues (1998), in Andrea Pacini (Editor), Christian Communities in the Arab Middle East, Oxford University Press, ISBN 0-19-829388-7, page 51;

Heiner Bielefeldt, Human Rights Quarterly, Volume 17, Number 4, November 1995, pages 587-617

18. See: ^

Saeed, Hassan (2004): Freedom of Religion, Apostasy and Islam. Ashgate Publishing. ISBN 978-0-7546-3082-1;

Altstein, Howard; Simon, Rita James (2003): Global perspectives on social issues: marriage and divorce. Lexington, Mass: LexingtonBooks. ISBN 0-7391-0588-4;

19. ^ Razack, Sherene H. (October 2004). "Imperilled muslim women, dangerous muslim men and civilised Europeans: legal and social responses to forced marriages". Feminist Legal Studies. 12 (2): 129-174. doi:10.1023/B:FEST.0000043305.66172.92. S2CID 54832627.

20. Bunch, Charlotte (1995). Transforming human rights from a feminist perspective, Women's Rights, Human Rights: International Feminist Perspectives (Julie Peters and Andrea Wolper Editors), pages 15-16; also see pages 157-160

21. ^ Lee, Ji Hyun (2013-01-18). "Modern Lessons From Arranged Marriages". The New York Times. ISSN 0362-4331.

22. ^ MORE WEDDING RING BUSTS Green-card scam probe widens Brian Harmon, New York Daily News (August 16, 2002)

23. ^ David R. Johnson; Lauren K. Bachan (Aug 2013). "What can we learn from studies based on small sample sizes? Comment on Regan, Lakhanpal, and Anguiano (2012)". Psychological Reports. 113 (1): 221-224. doi:10.2466/21.02.07.PR0.113x12z8. PMC . PMID 24340813.

24. ^ Regan, Pamela C.; Lakhanpal, Saloni; Anguiano, Carlos (June 2012). "Relationship Outcomes in Indian-American Love-Based and Arranged Marriages". Psychological Reports. 110 (3): 915-924. doi:10.2466/21.02.07.pr0.110.3.915-924. ISSN 0033-2941. PMID 22897093. S2CID 33048679.

25. ^ Flicker, Sharon M.; Sancier‐Barbosa, Flavia; Afroz, Farhana; Saif, Sumaiya N.; Mohsin, Faeqa (2019-11-14). "Marital quality in arranged and couple‐initiated marriages: The role of perceived influence over partner selection". International Journal of Psychology. 55 (4): 629-637. arXiv:. doi:10.1002/ijop.12622. ISSN 0020-7594. PMID 31729030. S2CID 208040264.

26. ^ Campbell, Bruce L.; Blood, Robert O. (1972). "Review of Love Match and Arranged Marriage: A Tokyo-Detroit Comparison, Robert O. Blood Jr". International Journal of Sociology of the Family. 2 (2): 264-266. ISSN 0020-7667. JSTOR 23027074.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Arranged marriage is a type of marital union where the bride and groom are primarily selected by individuals other than the couple themselves, particularly by family members such as the parents. In some cultures, a professional matchmaker may be used to find a spouse for a young person.

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In an arranged marriage, the bride and groom are selected by a third party rather than by each other.

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arranged marriage | Definition of arranged marriage in English by Oxford Dictionaries

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Definition of arranged marriage - a marriage planned and agreed by the families or guardians of the couple concerned.

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Where Do Arranged Marriages Still Exist?
  

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Where Do Arranged Marriages Still Exist?
  

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Most people don't think that arranged marriages can be called off. But arranged marriages are not just a forgotten custom of the past, they still happen every day.

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Where Do Arranged Marriages Still Exist?

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Potential partners will be take part in an introduction party

A new BBC Two show will attempt to matchmake couples by using the principles of Asian arranged marriages.
The series, Arrange Me A Marriage, will be hosted by Aneela Rahman who will assist friends and family find potential suitors for the participants.

Rahman claims her 15-year marriage is proof that arranged marriages do work and "compatibility" is crucial.

The five-part series, which starts on 22 November, will feature men and women from a variety of backgrounds.

Rahman thinks traditional British methods of finding a partner - such as hoping to find one while out drinking - are "random and likely to fail".

Potential partners will be matched according to class, education, family background, life goals and earnings.

Once partners have been selected, an "introduction party" is arranged to see how the pair get on.

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BBC NEWS | Entertainment | 'Arranged marriage' show for BBC

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Potential partners will be take part in an introduction party A new BBC Two show will attempt to matchmake couples by using the principles of Asian arranged marriages. The series, Arrange Me A Marriage, will be hosted by Aneela Rahman who will assist friends and family find potential suitors for the participants.

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Bradford woman 'kidnapped by family after refusing arranged marriage'

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Bradford woman 'kidnapped by family after refusing arranged marriage'

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A Bradford woman was drugged and kidnapped by her family after refusing an arranged marriage, Preston Crown Court has been told.

The court heard Naila Afsar's parents, Mohammed Khan, 55, and Shamim Akhtar, 56, and brother Shamrez Khan, 32, fell out with her after she wed in secret.

It is alleged she was taken at the Accrington home of her sister Saima Mahmood, 29, and Zahid Mahmood, 34.

All five deny charges of kidnap, false imprisonment and administering a drug.

The prosecution said the family fell out with Ms Afsar, 23, after she refused to go ahead with an arranged marriage to her cousin and moved to Newcastle, marrying another man in secret.

She told the court when her family found out they did all they could to split up the couple, but Ms Afsar eventually agreed to attend a reconciliation meeting at her sister and brother-in-law's home in Accrington in January 2010.

The prosecution said it was there that she was drugged and bundled into a car, to be taken back to the family home in Bradford.

The trial continues.

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A Bradford woman was drugged and kidnapped by her family after refusing an arranged marriage, Preston Crown Court has been told. The court heard Naila Afsar's parents, Mohammed Khan, 55, and Shamim Akhtar, 56, and brother Shamrez Khan, 32, fell out with her after she wed in secret.

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Arranged marriage has been a part of life for Sikhs in Edinburgh since the community arrived in the city in the 1950's.

But a rise in the number of traditional arranged marriages has led to calls for emergency action from community leaders and parents alike.

Edinburgh has a Sikh community of about 400 people who all worship at a single Gurdwara, or Sikh Temple, in Leith.

Traditionally, parents have chosen a suitable partner for their children, with the family arranging the resultant wedding.

And, until now, not meeting your bride until the wedding day itself has been the norm.

However, community elders have told the BBC Asian Network these marriages have increasingly been breaking down, with an unprecedented two splits in a single month.

It has led some to question whether old-fashioned values may not be working for a new generation of young Sikhs.

"We've been having meetings trying to solve it, trying to find out why marriages are breaking down so quickly," said Ragbir Singh, vice president of Edinburgh Gurdwara.

"Some marriages are breaking down within the first five or six weeks."

The Sikh community in Edinburgh is very proud of its traditional values and prides itself on the fact that strict arranged marriages have lasted so long in the city.

Elders admit other cities in the UK have not had the same success in keeping tradition alive, with families adapting more quickly to western ways.

Father-of-three Gary Singh did not meet his wife until his wedding day.

The 39-year-old said recent breakups in the community meant his sons may have to do things differently.

"A lot of people in England do that now, they're starting to move on," he said.

"They're taking their children with them, they'll go to their family and meet up and go for a coffee. Let the boy and girl talk.

"We don't do that in Edinburgh. Edinburgh's probably still in the dark ages. We're not moving fast that's the thing, but we're starting to see all these problems happening."

This difference in Edinburgh's community is something that 21-year-old Sonny Singh is all too aware of.

He was born and brought up in the city and is now a student. He said, during visits to England, he noticed more modern practices.

"You could say it's pretty old-school here," he said.

"I would really say it's more Westernised down south. When I went down to London or Manchester, the Sikh community there, they don't intrude on your personal lives and they're more open than what it is in Edinburgh."
'Must modernise'
Despite being only 21, Sonny values the traditionalism he has grown up with. He said it had kept families and communities close.

Ragbir, Gary and Sonny all talk very fondly of the huge Sikh family gatherings they have experienced in Edinburgh, and said it was tradition which has served to bind the community.

However, Sonny said bringing some aspects of these traditions more in line with Western culture was key to their survival.

He said he was not opposed to an arranged marriage, but not one so strict that he could not get to know his bride.

"I still believe the parents should be happy as well," he said, adding: "I would prefer to still get married to a Sikh because I was brought up that way.

This, it appears, is the solution the whole community has been coming to - adapting marriages without losing heritage.

Edinburgh's Sikh's are proud of their tight-knit, hand-picked community, but most understand it must modernise if it wants to stay that way.

Gary said: "Children are now standing up to their parents saying, 'I'm not happy with this, I want to do what I want to do in life'.

"This is where all the friction's coming in. Sometimes the boy's maybe fallen out with his parents because of it. Things are just starting to change."

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Arranged marriage has been a part of life for Sikhs in Edinburgh since the community arrived in the city in the 1950's. But a rise in the number of traditional arranged marriages has led to calls for emergency action from community leaders and parents alike.

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Helping to escape an arranged marriage
				

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Helping to escape an arranged marriage
				

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When she was 16 Kulbinder 'Kelly' Kaur arrived home from school to find several unknown people in her home.

Her parents urged her to go upstairs and change into something more traditional, a request which struck her as odd as she thought her Asian parents to be quite modern.

When she came back down, she was regarded with approval by the people in her Black Country home.

She then realised her parents had chosen an Indian man they deemed suitable for her to marry.

She said: "I was always aware I would have an arranged marriage. But I had assumed we would sit down and discuss it in a proper way.

"I didn't think my parents were that traditional. There wasn't a big Asian community in the Black Country at that time and I had been brought up in quite a Western way."

College ambitions

She had assumed her parents knew about her ambitions to go to college and to build herself a career.

But her tears at meeting her future husband were mistaken for tears of joy by her family.

"He came from India and I couldn't really speak Punjabi," she said.

"Plus, I did not find him attractive at all. I was told he was 23 but I think he was older."

She turned to her father, hoping he would understand her fears.

"I was not brought up to be able to say no to my dad, because of our culture.

"So, when I cried I thought he would understand and stop the process.

"But he gave me a hug and said everything would be ok," she said.

Unable to help

Teachers at her school in Darlaston were unable to help and neither were her cousins.

In the end, she left home.

"I used to go to evening classes at college. And one day, I was sat on the bus so busy thinking about my situation that I went past my stop and ended up in Birmingham.

"I had never been to Birmingham before. I tried to ring my parents but I had forgotten the number and they were ex-directory. So, I rang friends from Darlaston to pick me up.

"They came to fetch me but that is when I decided it was time to leave home."

Her parents reported her missing to police, telling them she was only 14. They arrived at the flat in Edgbaston where she was staying and took her home.

"I was not allowed out without supervision for a time.

"Eventually they introduced me to another man from Germany, so I left home again," she said.

Not accepted

All this took place 20 or so years ago. Now aged 38, Mrs Kaur has married (an Asian man) and has two daughters, aged eight and three.

She reconciled with her parents before they died but she still does not have any communication with other family members.

"I am still not accepted by the vast majority of Asian society because I am classed as a runaway," she said.

Watching her eldest daughter grow up prompted Mrs Kaur to launch her own charitable group Throughcare, a support group aimed at helping young women and men in the same situation.

"I realised when I left home that it can be a cruel world out there. I felt vulnerable, and I saw some people succumb to drugs and all the other things that can lie in wait.

"All I wanted at that time was for someone to mediate between me and my family.

"We are willing to provide that mediation for people who feel they need help."

If mediation fails the group can provide a refuge and help with benefits and other advice.

"It has taken me this long, about 20 years, to be able to admit to myself that I had done nothing wrong," Mrs Kaur said.

"We are the new generation. If we can't put a stop to things like this then who can?"

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When she was 16 Kulbinder 'Kelly' Kaur arrived home from school to find several unknown people in her home. Her parents urged her to go upstairs and change into something more traditional, a request which struck her as odd as she thought her Asian parents to be quite modern.

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(LifeWire) -- When it was time for Sabiha Ansari to get married, her parents flew her to India. She met her husband-to-be for less than 20 minutes, with family, then was asked whether she liked him.

"That was really hard for me," she says. "I kind of wanted to have some time alone with him to talk to him, or even on the phone."

But she said yes, and they were married five days later. That was in 1991.

Things were different for Sabiha's younger sister, Huma Ansari, in 2005.

"Sometimes it feels weird for me to even call it an arranged marriage because I feel like I got to know my husband pretty well," says the 27-year-old Richmond, Virginia, optometrist.

She and her husband, Saud Rahman, 29, a medical resident, were introduced through family friends at a casual dinner, then e-mailed and called each other for several months. They married a year later.

Nowadays, classically arranged marriages for immigrant families in America are much less common, and rejecting the potential partners is an increasingly easy option. The changes have been dramatic in the past decade or two, says Stephanie Coontz, professor of family studies at the Evergreen State College and author of books on the history of marriage. One of the major factors in the transformation: technology.

Can I call you?

The rise of cell phones has made long-distance courtships easier. A small 2006 study from a University of Washington researcher found that young Indians living in Bangalore used cell phones to get to know partners introduced to them by their parents.

The Internet also has made an impact, not only through e-mail but also through sites like Shaadi.com ("shaadi" means "wedding" in Hindi) and BharatMatrimony.com. There, parents can create a profile for their child (the site usually indicates who posted the profile).

Tali Kapadia's mother surfed Shaadi.com for Gujarati Hindu men in the New York area, creating a profile for Tali, 28, who is pursuing a master's degree at Columbia University, and fielding responses from prospective suitors -- all without telling Tali. Only when she'd found a guy she liked did she fill Tali in on her online search.

"I think they're pretty popular," says Tali's sister, Kavita, a graduate student at Michigan State University. "If your parents are really pressuring you to marry someone who's the same background as you and it's important to you, if you can't find them in the community, you might just look online."

Shaadi.com offers video profiles, and BharatMatrimony.com provides marriage loans in which banks compete to finance the couple's expenses.

In some ways, technology has helped couples assert independence while keeping parents involved.

"We chatted for months and decided to go ahead before his parents spoke to my father," said one woman who gave a testimonial on Shaadi.com. "By then we felt like we've known each other for ages."

For better and worse

While technology has helped transform arranged marriages, some things haven't changed. The definition of an arranged marriage has always been fluid. Some are akin to "forced marriages," where the bride and groom have no choice and don't meet before the wedding. Some have courtships that last mere days. Others look more modern. Arranged marriages are most common among families from India, the Middle East and Japan.

Although some may argue that such marriages are destined for disaster, there are upsides.

"Arranged marriages have going for them the fact that the in-laws have an active interest in the marriage lasting," Coontz says. A strong parent-child support system will benefit children even if they have flown the family coop.

And in close families, parents are likely to find someone who is compatible.

"Your parents know you very well, and they will not do anything for you that will be detrimental," says Sabiha, 37, a North Brunswick, New Jersey, life coach who is married to Faisal Masood, 41, a vice president of management at JP Morgan Chase.

But if parents don't know their child well, they are unlikely to find a good match. And participants in arranged marriages tend to be younger, Coontz says.

"One thing we know for sure is that the older the age of the couple at first marriage, the more likely their marriage is going to last," she says.

Traditional role

But if young adults are now more financially stable, spend more time independent of their parents and can find their own suitors, why do they still accept arranged marriages?

With or without the help of technology, "I think most of it is the weight of cultural tradition," Coontz says.

But Huma appreciated her parents doing the tough work of screening potential suitors.

"[My parents] always told me, 'If you find someone, let us know,'" says Huma, who was in graduate school when she met her husband. "But, honestly, I didn't find anyone. I was like, 'I'll take all the help I can get!'" E-mail to a friend
LifeWire provides original and syndicated lifestyle content to Web publishers. Jocelyn Voo is a freelance writer and former relationships editor at the New York Post.

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(LifeWire) -- When it was time for Sabiha Ansari to get married, her parents flew her to India. She met her husband-to-be for less than 20 minutes, with family, then was asked whether she liked him. "That was really hard for me," she says.

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It was like any blind date. I had dressed in my Saturday best and walked to my favorite brunch restaurant in West Los Angeles to meet a guy -- let's call him Raj -- for the first time.

I recognized him from the pictures I'd seen, and we greeted each other with smiles and a firm handshake. We had e-mailed a few times and spoken on the phone to confirm our plans. He was polite; he didn't sit down in his chair until I did, and he paid the bill. Our conversation was casual to begin with: favorite movies, music, plans for the summer. No one would have guessed this setup was to be the start of an arranged marriage.

Most Westerners may think the concept of arranged marriage is backward or antiquated -- and if you watch the old Indian movies, it can come across that way: two people meet once, or not at all, before their wedding day and then are forced to make a marriage work without even being consulted about their partner. In my family, at least, that was rarely the case. My parents met and spoke before their wedding day in India and were asked whether they each saw a future with the other.

It's easy for me to rebel against this tradition my family has maintained and say, "That was then, this is now." But despite having been born and raised in America, where arrangements like this are far from a cultural norm, I understand their perspective. All they want for me is security.

Raj had a stable job, and he's well-educated. He is from a well-reputed family and comes highly recommended by family friends as a hard-working, respectful man. He was a catch in my parents' eyes. I decided to meet him after nearly a year of my parents pestering me to meet potential mates that I waved off for various reasons -- I was too young, I needed time to start my career off right, I wasn't interested, etc. But finally I caved.

By the time Raj and I had finished our brunch that sunny Saturday, I knew that a relationship would never work out. We had nothing in common except for our heritage, yet I didn't end the date there. I felt a responsibility to at least give him a little bit more time. I attributed the awkwardness of our interactions to nervousness. Maybe I was being hypercritical? Did I peg him as a boring because he ordered the fruit plate for brunch when all I wanted was a large omelet?

A part of me wanted something to work out between us; maybe we could date for a little while and then get married and make everyone happy. But as we talked after brunch that day, it was more apparent that a romance between Raj and me wasn't in the cards. His ideals were far more traditional than mine. I felt like I needed to be another person around him, not the career-oriented, passionate, food-loving, world-traveling woman that I am. I was also headed to graduate school in the fall and had to consider being engaged and trying to start a relationship with someone during that hectic time.

At the end of our date, he asked whether we could get married that December. Get married? I wasn't even sure I wanted to have dessert with him! So I awkwardly tried to skirt around the subject of marriage and explained that I had a lot to think about with grad school coming up. I was hoping he'd mistake my dishonesty for kindness.

After I went back to Singapore, where I lived at the time, I discussed the decision with my parents and outlined the reasons why I knew things would never work between Raj and me, even though we hadn't spent much time together. To my surprise, they understood and trusted my judgment. I then had the tough task of telling Raj we wouldn't be marrying in December. He responded with a polite e-mail telling me he understood my decision. I never talked to him again.

Since then, my parents have let the subject of an arranged marriage drop. I gave their way a chance and that was enough for them.

I think they understand I'm different from my cousins -- and mostly because they raised me to be the person I am today. But I do understand their reasons behind trying to get me to consider an arranged marriage. It's not some foreign tradition they arbitrarily adopted to make me miserable or different. They want me to find someone they approve of and I can learn to love. They want me to be settled, and most importantly they want me to be happy.

Maybe if Raj had been my ideal guy, I would have been married by now. I wish I could have come back to my parents and told them that all they wanted for me and all I wanted in a husband had aligned in Raj. I don't know if I'll end up having an arranged marriage -- likely not. But that's not because I had a horrifying experience. What I do know is that until I get married, my mom will be dropping not-so-subtle hints that the best (Mother's Day, birthday, holiday ...) gift for her would be me getting married.

And in case you were wondering, Raj got married that December, just like he wanted.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
It was like any blind date. I had dressed in my Saturday best and walked to my favorite brunch restaurant in West Los Angeles to meet a guy -- let's call him Raj -- for the first time. I recognized him from the pictures I'd seen, and we greeted each other with smiles and a firm handshake.

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Their arranged marriage blossomed into true love

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Their arranged marriage blossomed into true love

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Shanthi and C. S. Seshadri were arranged to be married in 1985. They say it was a perfect match.

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soul mate stories: from arranged marriage to true love - cnn

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Soul mate stories: From arranged marriage to true love - CNN

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Supraja Seshadri's parents were arranged to be married in 1985. Thirty years later, they say it was a perfect match.

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Are elders just trying to find like minded partners for their children? Hannana Siddiqui the Head of Policy and Research at Southall Black Sisters, discusses the ramifications.

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BBC World Service - Matter for Debate, Arranged Marriages

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Are elders just trying to find like minded partners for their children?

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arranged marriages common in india  - cnn video

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CNN's Sumnima Udas looks at the pros and cons of arranged marriage in India.