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I liked how kind of insulted almost every one in the party and in my opinion it was spoken very my like a mountain man very ruff and stiff.
And you should also write after you insulted Constance “God knows why”
-Tanisha

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i like your use of language, and how you express the feelings. you have a lot of detail. but maybe some dates? it's kind of difficult to follow. - alana

I agree with Alana about how you express your feelings. You also talked about the pace you were moving in which was quite impressive in my opinion. Just maybe you should talk about when you first got the news from America... Good job though!
Congrats, Tiago

Diary entry #1:

I am in Independence Missouri, I have met a couple of people who are now my team,Richard Taylor a farmer,Bill right a gold mine owner, and  James Marshall a gold miner. We had a nice talk ,went to see what we could buy before the journey, got our saddles ready and we set of!

We are going at a good pace and the temperature is still cold, but we are thriving through the lands,I have a bad feeling it will get worse when we get to the mountains, much much worse. But on the good news we are very safe and the food has not run out.

Diary entry #2 :

We have now arrived at fort Laramie , we have taken a break there ,but we lost 2 wheels so now we are down to 8 spare wheels ,we are far through the journey ,but there is still a lost more to bare ,a lot lot more. It is a few weeks later and we had to fight the Sioux tribe ,we used our guns to scare them of,luckily it worked and nobody is hurt,we are now moving forward. The tribe was very loud,my family was so scared ,it felt like a pack of Wolves were chasing us,except more dangerous .

Diary entry #3

Our pace seems fine I still hope nothing bad happens as this is not a short journey . We passed by Fort Hall,the owner did not let us leave because we didn’t have a coffee pot for coffee,so we had to sadly give our daughter to the owners son. Most of the rough journey is over though and I think we might make it to the end,our wagon has take a beating with it’s wheels and cover ,our family got sick ,but we had plenty of medicine for everyone ,so they are healthy,but tiered. Very ,very exhausted.

Diary entry #4 :

Well I thought nothing worse could happen to my wagon but it did,we had to take it through more mountains,rocks,and thunderstorms and much much worse.

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i like how you portrayed the character, and their goals. maybe you could've added more detail, but it's really good! - alana

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I am Jack O’Reilly and this is my story...

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I like how you added the dates and mentioned what you have used and who you had brought. However I would add more detail and expand further on small sentences.
-Lexie

Ansikha :
I like how to refer back to you provisions and what you have used
Maybe next time you could read back your work and spot your spelling mistakes. Great Job!

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* I really like how you created a very vivid image or environment with your description.
* I also really like how you wrote about your wagon party and children all through out your diary.
/* I think that you could give it a bit more detail and add some more entries when you can.

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Just please try to spell better and make it longer you had like 20 minutes to work on it in class time

(Scott)It’s good nice dates just could’ve been longer

I think you need to work on your spelling and grammar. I also think you should split up the information in paragraphs as well as just more information overall - Dane

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I love the descriptions but there were some things that was just to good

You had good description and I loved it  - Dane

So much bettter than mine

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I like that you referenced the other people you were traveling with but I think you should work on not having it so bad-Dane

Stars for the supplies you decided to buy and how you used them in the story. My wish is that you work on your grammar a bit though. - Caitlin

it was not good

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Great job Dane it was good but hoy lee is a boy-joakim

(SCOTT) I like the description and grammar but Hoy Lee is a man not Women

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I think you should make less lists and put more of it in your writing, I also think you might want to have a look at making your writing more like your character. - Sofia.

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That is a lot more than five entries, you should try to add them together into groups and sum up what has happened since because right now you have a LOT of short, one sentence entries that don’t make any sense especially because you wouldn’t have time to write every single week. I also don’t think they would have used words like “crap” or made up a random name by pressing random letters and calling it an Indian name, it is not culturally aware and kind of offensive.  - Sofia

You  did very good at the language of your character but next time do more description on the main event- James

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I like the description and the words you used to match your character but next time use words relavent to the time other that that very nice-James

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I liked how you included the other people like how they had to go back instead of just one group - Ben

I liked it, just the end didn’t make much sense so you could maybe make a stronger ending. - Caitlin

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I liked how you said I fear we will have trouble soon, and it sort of happened as you lost your wagon and had to travel on foot - Jacob

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- Only five entries
- Your wagon party
- Mentions of activities that happened along the way
- Details
- All the purchases and some vital equipment used along the way

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I like how you talked about your dream for a new life. I also really enjoyed the part were you said if you laid down... you would never get back up. However I think you could have explained a little bit about your past. Overall you did a great job.
Keep up the good work, Tiago

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I liked that you used dates for the specific point and when something happened. -peder