# data[].attributes.headline
The Book of Dares: 100 Ways for boys to be kind, bold and brave by Ted Bunch

# data[].attributes.subject
The Book of Dares: 100 Ways for boys to be kind, bold and brave by Ted Bunch

# data[].attributes.headline
Man Enough: Undefining My Masculinity by Justin Baldoni

# data[].attributes.subject
Man Enough: Undefining My Masculinity by Justin Baldoni

# data[].attributes.headline
You are a champion: How to be the best you can be by Marcus Rashford

# data[].attributes.subject
You are a champion: How to be the best you can be by Marcus Rashford

# data[].attributes.headline
Silence is not an option by Stuart Lawrence

# data[].attributes.subject
Silence is not an option by Stuart Lawrence

# data[].attributes.headline
All boys aren't blue by George M. Johnson

# data[].attributes.subject
All boys aren't blue by George M. Johnson

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
James Downs describes his battle with bulimia as "an isolating experience".

But he says seeing people like ex-England cricketer Andrew Flintoff - AKA Freddie - discuss the eating disorder in a BBC documentary makes him feel less alone.

"The more invisible things are, the less likely you are to share things," says James.

Experts estimate at least 1.5 million people in the UK - of which 25% are male - have an eating disorder.

Bulimia is an eating disorder and mental health condition where people binge on food and then make themselves vomit, take laxatives or exercises excessively.

If you need help or support to do with any of the issues raised in this article you can take a look at BBC Action Line.

Freddie Flintoff: Living with Bulimia is on iPlayer now.

'I had to stop watching at times'

In the documentary, Freddie Flintoff describes how his struggle with bulimia began when focus was put on his weight during the early part of his international playing days.

The details of his story made it "a difficult watch" for James.

"I did actually have to stop it a couple of times, because the things that Freddie was saying were really close to my own experience," he says.

James wishes he'd "seen people like Freddie" when he was younger, as he might have felt that it wasn't his fault.

"It's really difficult when you don't see yourself reflected in the services around you, or you're told by this lack of visibility, that your experiences aren't real."

'Being a man with an eating disorder can be lonely'

James initially developed anorexia as a teenager.

Anorexia is usually characterised by someone fasting or starving themselves to lose weight, rather than binging and purging.

"When I regained weight, I was left with bulimic symptoms, which is quite a common experience for people," the 31-year-old tells Radio 1 Newsbeat.

He says it took six years before he got treatment.

"It's quite hard to come forward and ask for help, and by the time you get that help, it can be harder to deal with."

James hasn't "fully recovered" yet and still faces difficulty with bulimia.

"It's an ongoing process for me. And I think if I had help earlier on, then maybe I wouldn't still be living with an eating disorder now," he adds.

"Thinking about the impact it's had on my life makes me really sad."

Getting help

Beat - a charity that helps people with eating disorders - say anybody who is worried about themselves or others should seek support as soon as possible.

Rebecca Willgress from the charity tells Newsbeat that eating disorders "can affect anyone of any age, gender, race or background.

"They are serious mental illnesses but we know making a full and sustained recovery is possible."

She adds: "Beat has a helpline that's open every day of the week for you to phone, and talk through what's going on.

"Speak to your GP to find help and the right treatment for you."

James thinks Freddie's documentary will "lift the lid on the problem" and be helpful to men.

"Being a man with an eating disorder can be especially isolating and lonely, because you don't hear or see other people like you talking about experiences you're going through.

"So when somebody who's really high-profile does come out and talk about it, it's a sense of relief."

He thinks bulimia often stays further under the radar than anorexia.

"But the documentary showed you can be at the top of your game and still be really struggling with something that can have a big impact on your health."

'You don't need to suffer alone'

For one 17-year-old, who we are keeping anonymous, there was one part of the documentary which stood out.

"The moment he thinks about going to a specialist. That resonates with me because it took me a long time to speak to someone," he told Newsbeat.

He feels the documentary will raise awareness and "let people know you don't need to suffer alone".

It's been five months since he last made himself sick and he credits his progress to the people around him, like his mum.

"If I felt like I wanted to be sick, she would make me realise that I am just hurting myself."

Not just about vomiting

It's not only men that Freddie Flintoff's story can help.

Rosie Forder, who's 20, thinks someone as high-profile and successful as Freddie Flintoff being so open can help remove stigma around eating disorders.

"It's assumed you can just stop purging and just eat properly. That's the mentality around it.

"If that's the case, eating disorders wouldn't exist."

She adds: "His whole journey of realising that it isn't just purging, but also things like over-exercising, which he wasn't aware of before."

That's something Rosie relates to as she didn't initially think her binge-eating was a disorder.

"I had a similar journey to him when I realised this is an issue. Especially when I started restricting and thought it went beyond just being on a diet and losing some weight."

Listen to Newsbeat live at 12:45 and 17:45 weekdays - or listen back here.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
'Being a man with an eating disorder is lonely'

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
James Downs describes his battle with bulimia as "an isolating experience". But he says seeing people like ex-England cricketer Andrew Flintoff - AKA Freddie - discuss the eating disorder in a BBC documentary makes him feel less alone. "The more invisible things are, the less likely you are to share things," says James.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.provider_name
Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM)

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
We're the Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) and we're uniting the UK against suicide.

# data[].attributes.headline
Son of a Silverback: Growing Up in the Shadow of an Alpha Male 

# data[].attributes.subject
Son of a Silverback: Growing Up in the Shadow of an Alpha Male 

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Beyond Equality is disrupting harmful norms and creating possibilities for positive change, working with men and boys towards gender equality, inclusive communities, and healthier relationships.

# data[].attributes.headline
The macho paradox: Why some men hurt women and how all men can help by Jackson Katz

# data[].attributes.subject
The macho paradox: Why some men hurt women and how all men can help by Jackson Katz

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
n the wake of the killing of Sarah Everard, and the wider concerns about gender-based violence, women have shared their stories of abuse, harassment and assault. And the myriad ways they have tried to protect themselves from this. Men have, for the most part, listened. Now - given that violence against women and girls is primarily a male-perpetrated crime - is it time more men actively joined the fight against it? The Guardian convened a round table of experts to ask what men can do to help effect change among their friends and family, and in their workplaces.

Luke Hart of CoCo Awareness. In 2017, Hart's father murdered his wife, Claire, and their daughter, Charlotte. Days earlier, Claire and Charlotte had left the family home after a lifetime of coercive control and abuse. Luke and his brother Ryan are now anti-abuse activists: This week, and Everard's death, really took me back to what happened to my family. I feel deeply sorry for Everard's family; it's hard when things take on a life of their own and you just want to grieve. Events become something that other people feel they have ownership of. I remember, after my mother and sister died, some of the media reporting made me and my brother angry, to the point where we had to shut ourselves away. I remember one report saying that what my dad did was "understandable". We started to despair. So I think this has to be a moment to remember Everard's family because it's so difficult when something you're going through becomes public property.

Dr Jackson Katz, educator and author of The Macho Paradox: Why Some Men Hurt Women and How All Men Can Help: Despite this tragic situation, there is some reason for optimism because young women in particular are using their voices to speak out about their own experiences of being survivors of violence. But, for decades, there has been a lack of male voices speaking up about violence against women.

Christopher Muwanguzi, former CEO of Future Men, a charity for men and boys: What really got me was Jess Phillips on International Women's Day last week reading out the names of all the women killed in Britain by men in the past year. So many names. And what's happening now? What's going to be happening tomorrow?

Jackson Katz, Luke Hart, Christopher Muwanguzi and Nazir Afzal. Composite: None

Nazir Afzal, solicitor and former chief crown prosecutor for north-west England. Afzal helped bring the Rotherham grooming gang to justice: Five years ago, I tried to organise a "million man march" on the subject of violence against women and girls. I got 52 signups.

Jackson Katz: Oh, man. Listening to some of the male voices on social media this week, I keep hearing people saying: "Not all men!" To which I would say: if you have the impulse to say "not all men", don't. It's silly, and it's not a good look. Because, yes, although men are more likely to die violently than women, and, yes, not all men are violent, there's no doubt that the overwhelming majority of violence that happens between the genders happens by men against women. And the vast majority of violence that men suffer is at the hands of other men. So men and women have a common enemy, which is male violence.

If men would realise that the same system that produces men who murder and assault women also produces men who murder and assault men, maybe they would think about working together, rather than being defensive and assuming that women are bashing them or that they're "anti-men" when they are really speaking up for their own dignity and basic right to walk free from the fear of sexual violence.

One man told me that he installed tracking apps on his wife's and daughter's phones. I reported him to the authorities

- Nazir Afzal

Luke Hart: I guess I'm the perfect example of that male ignorance. I grew up pretty ignorant about my father's behaviour. He wasn't beating us regularly, so I thought: he's not dangerous. But that wasn't the case. It was extreme coercive control. Ryan and I have spent a long time trying to answer why my father did what he did. I mean, people always ask us that question. And I think there are two reasons. First: incredible entitlement. He saw himself as the patriarchal peak of the home, and my mother was basically his slave. So there's that framing women as lesser. But the bit that makes men do the horrible things, I think, is just sheer resentment. The resentment fuels the action. Everything wrong in my father's life was down to my mother and sister. He wrote it in his murder note. So you have to understand that entitlement and resentment because it underpins everything: the harassment of women, the catcalling, everything you see in the streets. It's endemic.

Nazir Afzal: I've prosecuted hundreds of rapes, hundreds of femicides. And in all the rapes I've prosecuted - from looking at the evidence - not one of the men was motivated by sex. They were motivated by being able to control the woman.

People think we need to identify those men who are sex maniacs if we want to catch rapists. But rapists were motivated by that need to control and coerce. Sometimes it leads to rape, sometimes it leads to voyeurism, sexual assault, femicide or just controlling a women's choices so she can't go where she wants and see who she chooses. And you know what? Men can spot when it's happening.

I can't tell you the amount of friendships I've lost - deliberately. They make jokes and it's abundantly clear. You ask them what their wife is up to that evening, and they say: "She's not allowed to go out." One man I knew told me that he installed tracking apps on his wife's and daughter's phones. I sussed him out, and he knew. I've not seen him since. And I reported him to the authorities.

Christopher Muwanguzi: You know, we're all going to lose friends. Because sometimes you have to say: I'm sorry, but that's not acceptable. There is a teachable moment in every opportunity with a young person.

Nazir Afzal: Right! In order to change the culture, we need to hold everyone to account. Don't we? We can't say: "Oh, he's just like that." Because we don't educate people about this stuff. Hate is a learned behaviour; you don't learn things until people teach you. Misogyny is the earliest prejudice - it started in the Garden of Eden. We need to be teaching children from the age of five about gender equality, about good and bad relationships.

Christopher Muwanguzi: Let me jump on that train. You're right: this behaviour doesn't happen in a vacuum. These toxic behaviours are learned. There's this idea that manliness is about violence, aggression, power and holding people down, rather than supporting and being part of a community.

Jackson Katz: Yes! But the thing is, learned behaviour is passive. These attitudes and beliefs about manhood, they're actively taught. It's media culture, sports culture, peer culture and porn culture. All these influences teach men certain lessons about manhood and social norms that are produced and reproduced at every level. The reason it's so hard to deal with these issues is because we can't just isolate individual perpetrators as pathological monsters. Because it is our society that's producing these abusive men on a regular basis, generation after generation, across class, race and ethnicity.

There's always this tendency when a tragic killing happens to think about the individual as crazy, sick, diabolical - as opposed to thinking: he's a product of society that has a group of norms along a spectrum. And when you start thinking of those norms on a spectrum, it implicates all of us. That makes a lot of guys get really defensive because they know they're part of the problem in a larger sense. And that means they have to be introspective and self-critical. They have to move past this idea that because they don't go out and murder women or beat their girlfriends, they're not part of the problem. Because they may still be perpetrating the norms of masculinity that contribute to this situation.

Christopher Muwanguzi: I think role modelling is the best solution. It can be as simple as not talking over women - recognising that's not acceptable and picking up on it when it happens. I was talking to a friend recently who works at a school. She was physically intimidated by a large group of boys. A male teacher said: "You know boys!" But that's him agreeing that intimidating behaviour is acceptable, and refusing to challenge it. He is all the men who turn a blind eye, who think things are OK, who say: "This is normal. It happens every day." We need to show young people better role models.

It's not about being a superhero. It's about making it clear you don't tolerate sexism or misogyny

- Jackson Katz

Nazir Afzal: We also need to look at our institutions. As men, we want to excuse male behaviour. That comes across in the media. How many times have you seen the headline along the lines of "Man with drink problem kills wife", or "Man kills wife because she had an affair"? It is a problem in our legal institutions, too. You know, the prosecution rate for rape in this country is about 1%. There's a feeling, quite rightly, that rape has been decriminalised. There's also a big systemic issue about how we treat sexual violence victims full stop.

There are many women who'll never again report a crime because of the way they were treated. The Norwegian model, where each victim gets their own paid-for lawyer, would be a good option, I think. It costs money. But we've got to start giving the victim more power than she has; that's the only way we're going to change things.

Jackson Katz: Earlier Christopher talked about teachable moments. Right now, in the UK, there's this huge explosion of outrage. Talk about a teachable moment! The time for men to step up is right now. How are we going to start holding men accountable in a positive way? The rehabilitation of individual men - everyone needs to be involved in it. It's not about pointing to individual men and saying: "He needs to go to therapy, the wiring in his brain needs to be fixed." If everyone is part of the change, it makes it easier for each individual. I believe in redemption. I believe you don't just toss people away. People can learn and be taught new ways of being. But it's not easy.

Christopher Muwanguzi: I also believe in redemption. But there needs to be consequences for actions, too, whether intended or unintended. And we have to think about how we tell the survivors' stories to men so that they can understand the impact.

I also want to talk about emotional literacy, mental wellbeing and health. It cannot be separated from this discussion. Because it is what's creating a system that allows individuals to go out and do harm. We need to create environments for men and women to tell their stories. Like Luke's story - my God, that's powerful. I listen to it and think about what sort of father I am to my son.

We need to be thinking: a woman has been killed. Am I checking my unconscious bias? Am I asking my sister, my mother, my wife, my friend, how they have felt? Am I listening?

Flowers from the vigil at Clapham Common bandstand. Photograph: Guy Smallman/Getty Images

Jackson Katz: I'm one of the architects of the "bystander approach" [which emphasises the roles witnesses can play in challenging behaviour]. This can be something as simple as intervening when someone tells a rape joke to stopping a rape in progress in front of you. It's not about being a superhero or rescuing the damsel in distress. It's about as a man, making it clear you don't tolerate sexism or misogyny - and if you hear that from your friend, you're going to make it clear that you're not cool with it, and he's violating the norms and values of you and the group he is a part of. That's peer culture policing - rather than looking for an external authority to police your peer's behaviour. If we can build that into schools, at the youngest age possible, you'll see a significant change.

Luke Hart: Part of being a bloke is putting up a facade sometimes. But men need to talk about how they're feeling and figure that out with other people. My brother and I were very stoical. We used to put a lot of our aggression into sport. One of the real challenges we faced in dealing with our dad was: what do we do with all our anger? Because you don't want to be like your father, right? Anger is bad. Aggression is bad. And that sort of tore us apart, internally.

Then we realised that you can use aggression to give you confidence and courage to tackle bad behaviour around you, and challenge the darkness in ourselves. For those who are in a dark place it can be useful to try to accept those parts of ourselves, and put them in their rightful place. Confront all of that difficulty. Only when you take responsibility for it can you do something about it.

That's something that was totally lacking in my father. He had no responsibility or control over himself. My father was not a happy man. You don't blow your head off if you've reached the pinnacle of achievement. So you have to realise: abusers are miserable too. They're making everyone around them miserable. So I would say: have the conversation. If there was ever a time to start talking about being a bloke, and doing it better, it's now.
The conversation in this panel has been edited for length.

This article was amended on 17 March 2021. Nazir Afzal originally said the conviction rate for rape in England and Wales was about 1%; he meant the prosecution rate. The conviction rate is about 2.5%.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
'The time for men to step up is right now!': what all men can do to help end violence against women

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Over the past week, women have shared their stories of abuse, harassment and assault. Is it time for men to join the fight to dismantle the culture that allows this violence to flourish?

# data[].attributes.headline
Unspoken: Toxic Masculinity and How I Faced the Man Within the Man by Guvna B

# data[].attributes.subject
Unspoken: Toxic Masculinity and How I Faced the Man Within the Man by Guvna B

# data[].attributes.body
(6th upwards)

# data[].attributes.headline
Black Panther (Graphic Novel) by Ta-Nehisi Coates

# data[].attributes.subject
Black Panther (Graphic Novel) by Ta-Nehisi Coates

# data[].attributes.headline
Raising Cain: protecting the emotional life of boys by Dan Kindlon

# data[].attributes.subject
Raising Cain: protecting the emotional life of boys by Dan Kindlon

# data[].attributes.headline
We should all be feminists by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

# data[].attributes.subject
We should all be feminists by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

# data[].attributes.headline
The places I've cried in Public by Holly Bourne

# data[].attributes.subject
The places I've cried in Public by Holly Bourne

# data[].attributes.headline
Amateur : a reckoning with gender, identity and masculinity by Thomas Page McBee

# data[].attributes.subject
Amateur : a reckoning with gender, identity and masculinity by Thomas Page McBee

# data[].attributes.headline
What is masculinity? Why does it matter? And other big question by Jeoffrey Boakye and Darren Chetty 

# data[].attributes.subject
What is masculinity? Why does it matter? And other big question by Jeoffrey Boakye and Darren Chetty 

# data[].attributes.headline
Be a man : how macho culture damages us and how to escape it by Chris Hemmings

# data[].attributes.subject
Be a man : how macho culture damages us and how to escape it by Chris Hemmings

# data[].attributes.body
The prequel to The Hate u Give with protagonist Maverick (Starr's father) as a teenager struggling with challenges in life and a baby on the way.

# data[].attributes.headline
See the free online panel discussion on How to be a man with author Alex Wheatle, Russell Kane, GUVNA B and DJ ACE

# data[].attributes.subject
See the free online panel discussion on How to be a man with author Alex Wheatle, Russell Kane, GUVNA B and DJ ACE

# data[].attributes.body
MARCH 20, 2021
3:00 PM

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
All sessions will broadcast live for free on bbc.co.uk/arts on 20-21 March. Scroll down for the full programme, jump to a day using the buttons below, or download our print-friendly PDF. See you there!

THE TRUTH ABOUT LIES: WHY WE LOVE A LIAR

Ian Rankin, Adele Parks, Alexandra Wilson, Alex Clark

The cheque's in the post. I'm stuck in traffic. You look great in that. We tell lies all the time and hope nobody notices. But every time we lie, we give little clues away. What are those signs and how can we spot them? And why can't we get enough of liars and unreliable narrators in our favourite stories? Three authors - one of crime fiction, one of domestic thrillers, the other a criminal barrister - discuss the art of deception, the differences between personal and professional lying, and how to spot a liar yourself.

NEW HEROES: A SEARCH FOR ROLE MODELS IN DIFFICULT TIMES

Irenosen Okojie, Frank Gardner, Shahidha Bari

Politics is broken. The arts is riddled with fallen heroes. With a new scandal breaking every day discrediting the great and the good, where can we look to for our new role models? Author Irenosen Okojie and BBC war correspondent Frank Gardner talk with Shahidha Bari about the characters - both real and fictional - that have inspired them, and discuss who they think should be held up as the inspiring icons of our troubled times.

THESE BOOKS MIGHT SAVE YOUR LIFE: BRILLIANT READS FOR BLEAK TIMES

Ella Berthoud, Greg Davies, Molly Flatt

Ella Berthoud's The Novel Cure offers reading remedies for all life's aches and pains. She offers bibliotherapy to the actor and comedian Greg Davies and, with the help of Big Book Weekend co-founder Molly Flatt, asks viewers to share their problems and prescribes some extraordinary novels that might help us all navigate the dark days of lockdown.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
All sessions will broadcast live for free on bbc.co.uk/arts on 20-21 March. Scroll down for the full programme, jump to a day using the buttons below, or download our print-friendly PDF. See you there! Ian Rankin, Adele Parks, Alexandra Wilson, Alex Clark The cheque's in the post. I'm stuck in traffic.

# data[].attributes.headline
Boys don't try? Rethinking masculinity in schools by Matt Pinkett.

# data[].attributes.subject
Boys don't try? Rethinking masculinity in schools by Matt Pinkett.

# data[].attributes.body
Available fromm the library.