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do i really need to explain? you literally wake up every morning looking like perfection. i can't take my eyes off of you.

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you dedicate lines of poetry to me. you say it's because you're not good with words. but ge, you're just a romantic.

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while i have the memory of a goldfish, you have one that rivals a computer. i feel important when you remember the most minuscule things about me.

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even though you hate mint chocolate ice cream, i can always find a carton of it in the freezer. curious, isn't it? i think it's because you're secretly a fan of said 'toothpaste'! but more likely, you value my likes and dislikes more than your own. you always let me choose which movies to watch, what to eat for dinner, where we go out on dates. it's your turn to pick next time! i want to do all the things you enjoy too.

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you are an amazing chef. they say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach! but in your case, i might have liked you long before you put anything delicious in my mouth—

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patience. yours makes up for my lack there of. even when i'm frustrated at myself, you remind me to take my time. your calm is the perfect complement to my impulsiveness.

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you always let me win. but not too easily now, that wouldn't be fun at all. you push back just hard enough to make my victory that much more rewarding. whether it's playful banter or me being petty, you don't mind losing to me. the way i come before your ego means more to me than you know.

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your smile.

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and more specifically, the way your smile softens around me. my heart has a funny way of losing its rhythm when you do that.

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you make me feel safe. physically, emotionally, everything-ly. you will never hurt me, and you will never let others hurt me either. you are fiercely protective of the ones you love. i am merely fortunate enough to be one of those people.

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reassurance is best when it's not asked for. you never hesitate to let me know how important i am to you. and it's not only what you say. you show me how much i matter through everything that you do.

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you never miss saying 'good morning' to me, no matter how busy you are or how far away i am. the best ones will always be whispered in my ear when i'm half awake and in your arms. your 'goodnight's feel like 'i'll miss you's. so much so that i never want to go to sleep.

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the way you threaten to block me is the cutest thing ever. as if you could? and even if you did, i would be at your door in a heartbeat, whining and demanding for your attention. (besides, i live with you now. maybe you should have thought of that before you gave me the key!)

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your eyes. i drown in them, lost but found at the same time.

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you are a brilliant actor. i have a love-hate relationship with this, actually. (oath of love was nearly unwatchable because you made it so believable.) nevertheless, my pride swells whenever i see you on screen.

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your voice: gentle when you call me 'baobao', stern when you have to use 'wang yibo'. it makes me weak either way. there's just something about the way you speak that has me hanging onto every word, no matter it is.

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you understand me better than i seem to understand myself. you can tell how i'm feeling before i can put it in words, sometimes before i even realize that i'm feeling a certain way. especially when i'm stressed and i've been bottling it up, or when i'm trying to hide something from you so that you don't have to worry. are you secretly a psychic, ge?

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your hands, and how they fit perfectly in mine.

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(but also your fingers, and how they fit perfectly inside me.)

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you are not afraid to show the world that you love me. you make it clear that you're not the least bit embarrassed of how whipped or weak you are for me. in fact, you show it off like you're proud of us, of what we have. there's nothing wrong with being a complete and total simp. as i am, for you.

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you prioritize me. if you don't have time, you make time to spend with me. and even when i tell you that it's okay, that i understand other things are more important right now, you still text me whenever you get the chance. i like knowing that i don't ever have to fight for your attention (minus jianguo, that menace).

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our height difference.

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and then there's what our height difference actually feels like.

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you accept me for who i really am. i can let that 'cool guy' image slip away and simply be wang yibo. i have never felt so comfortable in my own skin, without any fear nor any apologies.

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you let me steal all your shirts and hoodies without complaint. having your scent linger around me makes me miss you a little less. i sleep better in your clothes, you know? if i can't cuddle with you, i'll settle for small pieces of you.

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gege takes such great care of me. you remind me to bring my medication and to eat all my meals. and when i forget, you're there in person to nag me, food in hand and a concerned look on your face. i may have purposely let it slip my mind to make you come to me once or twice, heh.

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your reactions whenever i mess with you. half of the time, you act exasperated. but i can see the glimmer of amusement and unwavering adoration in your gaze. i'm a huge brat but you find that endearing, don't you! even if you try to deny it, i know you love me like this. stop bothering you? i don't think so.

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the other half of the time, you play along. it might be ridiculous nonsense but i love it when you indulge me. my favorite running joke is the build-a-boyfriend corporation. you will not believe how much i've smiled because of those fake customer service emails. this goes without saying: i couldn't have designed a better boyfriend than you.

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being social usually drains my energy. but with you, i've never felt that way. as cheesy as this sounds, it felt as if my soul recognized yours. i didn't have to try to open up to you, it simply happened. it was harder to keep my distance than to make the effort to close it. and even when you tried to keep me at arm's length, i pushed on because i had to. i was meant to. and so, i did.

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you are my peace. all of my worries and stress seem to melt away when you take me into your arms. i can breathe a little easier, my shoulders feel lighter. i want nothing more than what i already have because i have you. that is enough.

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your vocals. unfortunately, i have to share this part of you with everyone else. i can't really complain because you are such a talented singer. you deserve all the recognition in the world. my favorite is still your duet version of 愛上你等於愛上寂 with naying jie. your voice makes my heart ache for no reason. completely unrelatable lyrics because i've never felt lonely with you, but i can't help the tears in my eyes whenever you sing sad songs.

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i do have all of your lullabies to myself, though. and that more than makes up for it. your voice is the most beautiful when you record something spontaneously for me. without the edits, acapella. but please, please! i demand something happy for once.

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your lips.

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your kisses. sometimes light and chaste to welcome me home, sometimes hard and demanding when you want me now. the possessive ones that trail up my thighs, and the comforting ones pressed carefully to my temples. i want them all, and everything in between.

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two words: reverse tsundere. before you admitted to liking me, you would go out of your way to act like you didn't. telling me to go away but then saying you'd be bored without me? sending me 'ily' but then twisting it as 'i loathe you'? nice try. it confused me a great deal at first but when i finally learned that this was how your showed your feelings, it was the cutest thing. it still is! when you roll your eyes at me and ask rhetorically, 'why am i in love with you'. you know exactly why, sean kingston.

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you listen to me and hear everything, even the things i don't say. whether it's something trivial about my day or something that's been troubling me, you give me your full attention. whenever something happens, you are the first person i want to tell. i want to share everything with you, my hopes and dreams, my fears. i know that regardless of what it is, you will be there for me.

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your genuine interest in me. not just as a romantic partner, but as a person. you ask questions to see how i think and feel about different things. you like learning the smallest details about me. even though we've known each other for a long time, you make it seem like i still fascinate you. i am still new and exciting, i still worth your every effort.

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your drawings.

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your journal. by some stroke of luck, i found a letter addressed to me that you never intended to send. i felt a little bad for snooping around about you're the one who left it out while i was cleaning up! they say that what you do when no one's watching reflects who you truly are. and you choose to secretly write cheesy things for your boyfriend. i want to read them all! no matter how you try to lock it, i will find a way.

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you spoil me rotten. unless i'm being particularly outrageous with my requests, you are willing to do whatever, whenever for me. i like xiaolongbao? you learned to make it for me. i want a new motorcycle? which model. you make a show of complaining about it but i know it makes you just as happy to see me happy. i may have you wrapped around my finger (especially when i pout) but i'm also in the palm of your hand.

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you respect my freedom. you do not try to control me as others have, even when i tell you that you have every right to. i would give up anything for you. and yet, you do not force me to choose. you may not agree with all of my decisions but you respect them as mine to make. i do tend to make some stupid ones, though. maybe you should just put a collar on me and tell me to sit.

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you have the audacity to send me shit like this. what the actual fuck.

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most of the time, you act all scandalized when i sext you or say something dirty. you're just a proper gentleman like that, hm! i love riling you up until you can't take anymore, that rush of adrenaline when i finally manage to break you. but there are some moments when you tease me right back. and then i'm truly done for. it's almost embarrassing how quickly you can turn it all around, how willing i am to fall to my knees for you.

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you are so selfless that i am convinced something must be wrong with you. i would have slapped a bitch for far less and then peaced it but you still give people the benefit of the doubt. if you let them take advantage of your kindness any longer, i'm locking you up! for your own safety. while i hunt go them down and make them regret every second of their worthless lives.

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your lap is the most comfortable spot. sorry, i don't make the rules.

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god really gave you just the right amount of possessiveness. too much and it's overbearing, not enough and it seems like you don't care. i'm not sure how you managed to strike the perfect balance but it makes me giddy whenever you show it. perhaps it's because you only get jealous for the dumbest reasons?

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your loyalty. and not only that, you asked for nothing in return. your commitment to me has no 'if's, 'and's or 'but's. you once told me that even if i hadn't felt the same way, you would continue to stay by my side and let me take what i wanted. are you stupid! if i was foolish enough to not see your worth, you should have tossed me into the trash right away. no second thoughts. you are not allowed to be self-sacrificing anymore, you hear me?

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your dimples. so help me god.

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it's no secret that i'm afraid of the dark. just the tiniest bit! it's nowhere near as bad as what some variety show hosts have exaggerated it to become. it's embarrassing so i don't talk about it much. still, you remember to keep the hallway lights on without me having to say anything. you let me cling to you when i get nightmares. you rub soothing circles into my back and run your fingers through my hair until i fall back asleep. you make me feel like there's nothing to be ashamed of. i do not need to be strong all the time, not with you.

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i trust you with my life. you are one of the few people that i have no reservations for. i can speak my mind, bare my soul. there are no secrets (except for when i'm trying to surprise you, but i often end up sabotaging my own plans). i can show you the worst parts of myself and you would still look at me like i'm the most precious thing in the world. because of that, you have made me brave.

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that little mole under your lip. i want to kiss it whenever i see it.

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you make me feel like i belong. not only with you (that's the easy part) but with your friends, your family. i'm not good with new people but you encouraged me without pressuring me to meet them. you let me take my time and when i was ready, you took my hand and guided me along. i am very relieved that they approve of me. they even left me birthday messages! i miss them, especially mimo and chaeng.

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you are very easy to please. in fact, you barely ask for anything at all. you are appreciative of the little things i do, and you are understanding of the things i fail to do. it only makes me want to try harder because you deserve more. you deserve better. i want to be the best version of myself for you.

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you make an effort to be friends with my friends. you even accepted my son as your own. although i'm not surprised that they absolutely love you, it makes me really happy to see two of the most important aspects of my life come together. they've all heard a lot about you, especially minghao. i was worried about all the embarrassing stories that might be exchanged but then i remembered, there isn't anything i would hide from you anyway.

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some people assume i top because of my lan zhan persona. you never cared much about correcting them. it doesn't matter to you because you've always regarded me as an equal. our preference in bed means nothing more than exactly that, a preference. you make sure that i have just as much control over any situation as you do. unless i explicitly ask for you to take that away. then you can be quite—

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your body. goddamn.

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you are rough with me only when you have my permission. you are able to read me easily, and i am quite straightforward about asking for what i want. but even then, there is a tenderness that lingers in your every action. the way you lace our fingers together before you press me into the mattress, or how you gather me in your arms when i tremble helplessly beneath you. it makes my heart feel so full knowing that even when desire clouds your judgement, loving me still comes first.

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and then there are days when i don't want to be submissive at all. you take my brattiness in stride, let me straddle your lap and do whatever i want. you don't try to take the reigns unless i explicitly tell you to, often with a sob of your name and a broken whimper. sometimes you take mercy on me, other times you make me beg. either way, i always end up feeling satisfied and sore, warm and happy as i curl up against your chest.

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you make me believe in forever.

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"i love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. i love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride. i love you because i know no any other way."

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𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔.