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The more I find out the worse you become. You are the absolute pit of society

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If you ever read these again I want you to know I will never forgive you for using me like you did. Fuck you 

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If you ever read these again I want you to know I will never forgive you for using me like you did. Fuck you 

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I gave you everything. And I did my best for you at every turn and all I got back was lies. You are a horrible person and your mother was right and so was talon. I didn’t think I’d say these things to you but you aren’t worth love and you are a mistake if you’re going to throw it away like you did. I hope you can find some clarity because you need some help no wonder god abandoned you. You deserve it.

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I don’t Know how I truly make you feel but you don’t make me feel secure. I feel like I constantly have to fight for you and I constantly feel like I’m losing especially after tonight. I want to trust you I really do but I don’t believe I’ve seen enough evidence to support that. I find myself fucked over by those that I blindly trust and I can’t have the possibly biggest mistake of my life be that I trusted someone. I know I’m supposed to but I just don’t feel like I can’t right now. I want to make things work I do I do I do. I don’t want to feel like it’s wrong to kiss you. I don’t want you to hate me for thinking you could do such a thing. I just j don’t fucking know anymore. You make me so confused and lost.

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I hate how much of an effect you have on me

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I want to be mad I want to fight. I want an answer
I feel like I’m being treated like Eli
You once said you would never lie to me but recently I’ve just not been thinking that’s true
I just don’t understand why you don’t tell me things. It makes me feel like I’m being played and I’m tired of looking like an idiot

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I’m beginning to hate calling you. Actually I have hated calling you for a while. I call you so I can talk to you because I don’t get to any other time unless we are together but every time I do you ignore me and talk to someone else through text. I don’t even get that much from you and I’m your boyfriend. You say you love me but besides when you’re with me I don't feel it. Ever. I ask you questions and you just stay silent I ask you about something that seems really concerning to possibly our relationship and you blow it off. Maybe it’s that you’re the only one I ever talk to but I notice everything because of how much I rely on you. And it scares me how much I do.
I just want to be able to talk to you and you not be off doing something else I’ve told you so many times but I guess either you don’t care or something else is going on. It just scares me. If there is something you need to tell me you really should. Because the first time we call in days you’re too busy doing something to even try and talk with me. I never feel any effort from your side I never fucking do I always feel like you’re trying to get me to dislike you and it makes me so sad and upset because I love you and I want to love you.  But you honestly make it so hard sometimes to feel even remotely connected to you.

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I love you too. But tonight I don’t think I believe you. When you say you love me. You’re not taking the high road when you don’t tell me things you’re just hurting me. And I know a lot of really really bad shit has happened to you and that’s why I want you to let me in. I can’t tell you how much it hurts that you won’t even tell me what happed.
That’s the reason I don’t believe you when you say nothing happened.

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I will let this be your place where you can let go of your thoughts. I'm sorry for that shit and I don't want to lose you too. I love you Trevor I really do.

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Since I now know you know about this it’s kinda turned into a things I want to say to you but don’t want to as well. What it was before but probably less now. Anyway about what u want to say this time.
Eli has been the closest I have ever been to breaking up with you. It’s something Ive thought about a-lot and continuously. It’s not something I want to do. Ever.  But something that has been floating around. Like a frog in a kiddy pool. I think it’s a mental game to me and it’s one I’m losing at. Every time Every freaking time I think I’m never going to see or hear that name again pops up. And it kills me because with that name comes the thoughts again and I don’t want to have those thoughts because I love you and I don’t want any of -us- to be in vain. You are one of if not the best thing that has happened to me and I don’t want to lose you. I keep on because I don’t want to lose you and then it’s done and I feel like you’re finally mine and I’m yours but it seems the more time goes on that’s not the case. He’s never really gone. And I’m scared for myself. I’m scared because I see more and more of myself in eeh all the time when it comes to you and that is the last thing I want. I don’t want to rely on you so heavily that I can’t live without you and I’m scared that’s where I’m heading.
… that was just a bit more than I intended or I think even truly knew. I like posting here it’s fun

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I am sorry for blowing up on you. I'v never had to deal with anything this stupid or stressful before. I feel utterly useless and there is nothing I can do. I know You're the one that is suffering but I Can't get over my. own feelings and emotions. You do not deserve this and I am sorry.

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Don’t love me

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God what the fuck is wrong with me. I feel like I can’t even say goodnight to you anymore. Or at least just tonight.
I’m so scared of doing something to piss you off and make you see me in a different light. I don’t want to take the actions or say the things I want to say because I’m scared they will hurt you and by extension us. I don’t want to lose you but part of me feels so confused. I try to put myself in your shoes and try to understand the  decisions you make but I can’t. Why do you keep people in your life that you don’t like and that hurt you. I guess that’s just how you are and what makes you special. at least to me that is. I’m sorry for marking you read this but dumping here helps me because then I know at least someday maybe you’ll see what concerns me. Because it’s not just that it’s our communication and more as well.
This sad to say as it is. Is that I don’t feel loved sometimes. By you that is. It’s not I believe your words are empty because I do believe you love me but it’s your actions that entertain my doubt. And more so indulging the phone. I want to wake up to a text that says good Morning idiot I want to be called and felt wanted after I drop you off. I feel like after we kiss and you go inside I have to beg to see you again and I don’t want to beg anymore. I don’t want to feel off put. And maybe it’s just me relying on you too much because you are my life right now. There is nothing more important than your happiness which is why I try not to tell these things directly to your face.
I’m sorry for my rant and I do half and half hope you see and never see this
I do feel loved my you sometimes by the way. Whether is a back scratch a butt wiggle or sometime even the claws to my back I know you do love if not really care for me.
God I am sleep high my eyes burn
I love you and I hope I make you feel loved and appreciated.

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I love you and will always be here for you. I’m sorry about whatever is going on with you or at home. I wish you could tell me so I can help you.

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I’m sorry For the way I acted I’ll be better I’ll do better I’m sorry. You deserve better. I’m sorry I’m Sorry I’m sorry. You deserve to be atop the world I’m so fucking sorry.

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I know you do and I love you too.

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i do

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thank you love ya lol

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312018

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whats the password to the phone again lmao

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the big and little dipper

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Also I asked you on your phone but what’s your favorite constellation

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I’m starting to believe that but I’m still not there. I’m working on it though.

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lol you don't bother me hun

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We got first in everything at the comp very good day. Hope you’re having a fun time at camp yell at Laura for me if you see this in time

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𝗜𝗸 𝗶 𝘀𝗮𝗶𝗱 𝗜 𝘄𝘄𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱𝗻'

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𝗜𝗸 𝗶 𝘀𝗮𝗶𝗱 𝗜 𝘄𝘄𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱𝗻'𝘁 𝗯𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗱𝗱𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗳𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝘀𝗼 𝗶𝗱𝗰. 𝗜 𝗵𝗼𝗽𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗮 𝗳𝘂𝗻 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗸𝗲𝗲𝗽 𝗺𝗲 𝘂𝗽𝗱𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗵𝗵𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗲𝗻𝘀 𝗪𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗲 𝘆𝘆𝗼𝘂'𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗵𝗼𝗹𝘆 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘁𝘆𝗽𝗼𝘀

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Gotcha at the very least I'll do some more research into it. 

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Gotcha at the very least I'll do some more research into it. 

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um sure if you have time dont worry if you dont ok

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Idk if I can buy the plan without you because age but do you want me to see if I can set it up. Idk if I'll even have the time but maybe 

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Idk if I can buy the plan without you because age but do you want me to see if I can set it up. Idk if I'll even have the time but maybe 

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ooo

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You should be*this  new font app is messing up my spelling even more 

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You should be*this  new font app is messing up my spelling even more 

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Also glad that Is should be getting you a new phone 

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Also glad that Is should be getting you a new phone 

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ye

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Then I'm glad i sent you what i sent you on here 

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Then I'm glad i sent you what i sent you on here 

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no you most definitely witnessed her go through my phone

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yeah

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hm she told me that she doesnt go through my phone and that if she did she would tell me because going through it behind my back is wrong so once again im lied to

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Because I sent you a text it did not go through and then at 224ish it was read and iIknew you Didn't have your phone

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how do you know she has???

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Your mom has been looking at your phone again. Also I do not buy you things because I want to buy your love I buy you things because I think they can make you happy and I want you to be happy.

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welp ill tell you later

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I know I said I didn’t care yesterday but Now I want to know.

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What did you do?

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i did something....

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I can’t do a movie at my house parents are going to my sisters horse show. However prisoner of askaban is showing at the cheap theater. We can hit that up and if you want we can dip half way through. The showings at 1230

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Let me know when your done with that playlist 

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Let me know when your done with that playlist 

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ok

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Never mind my mom took her or something idk I’m on my way now I’m sorry 

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Never mind my mom took her or something idk I’m on my way now I’m sorry 

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ok

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ok

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My mother just called I need to take me sister to the barn 

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My mother just called I need to take me sister to the barn 

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im ready

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lol ok

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sweet beans girl Let me know when your ready. 

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sweet beans girl Let me know when your ready. 

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my parents arent home so hell yeah I can leave

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I do have to be home by absolute latest 230 though. I think we should have time but idk how long it takes you to get ready and if you’ll actually be able to leave.

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I do have to be home by absolute latest 230 though. I think we should have time but idk how long it takes you to get ready and if you’ll actually be able to leave.

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otay

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Ok I’ll keep an eye out for you text thing 

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Ok I’ll keep an eye out for you text thing 

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its all good

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And sorry about not getting back to you I’m still tdming but I’m ready to get you.

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And sorry about not getting back to you I’m still tdming but I’m ready to get you.

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when ever i tell you im ready

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You are. Also when do want me to pick you up if at all? 

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You are. Also when do want me to pick you up if at all? 

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im like half way done getting ready

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ehhhh

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its smart

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what

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i used to use this to talk to friends cause my mom cant track this or get notifications so ye

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it worked

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Hello?

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hi