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The Boy I Never Hold, But I Made It Almost

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’Cause sooner or later, we’ll wonder why we gave up.

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When you stroll beneath the city wind at the journey's end, let this letter find you with a heart open to its whisper.

May your spirit grasp the essence of my longing and intent, so your steps tread lightly, sparing me from wounds unseen.

Understand that I exist as but a fleeting presence, a single thread in the fabric of your life. Do not seek to weave others' dreams into your own woven prayers.

Before I fade into the twilight of memory, read these words with a gentle smile. Let us wave our hands with grace and part ways with a heartfelt farewell.

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When you stroll beneath the city wind at the journey's end, let this letter find you with a heart open to its whisper. May your spirit grasp the essence of my longing and intent, so your steps tread lightly, sparing me from wounds unseen.

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Semua Tentang Kamu Aku Rayakan, Tak Terkecuali Hari Kelahiranmu, Tuan.

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19 Tahun yang lalu kamu hadir mewujudkan mimpi-mimpi ayah dan ibumu. Kamu mengajarkan mereka tentang bagaimana menjadi orang tua. Pada saat itu, mungkin aku belum sempat hadir dalam hidupmu. Pada…

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Kata orang, mendapatkan hati seseorang cukup berusaha dan menunggu waktunya tiba. Kata orang akan semudah itu langkahnya. Kata mereka, mereka berhasil mewujudkan segala usaha.

Namun, mengapa aku tak bisa?

Seolah, entah sebanyak apapun bunga yang aku berikan takkan cukup untuk menyerbakkan. Rasanya seperti tangkai yang tak pernah dianggap, padahal ia lah yang menopang mawar untuk tumbuh.

Seolah, semua kata-kata yang telah terucap kehilangan arti.

Tuhan, jika memang dia bukan untukku,
lalu untuk siapakah lembut tutur katanya? Untuk siapakah ia tunjukkan indah senyum dan parasnya? Siapa gerangan orang yang beruntung mendapat perilaku hangatnya?

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Kata orang, mendapatkan hati seseorang cukup berusaha dan menunggu waktunya tiba. Kata orang akan semudah itu langkahnya. Kata mereka...

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Yesterday, from a distant perch, I beheld you with a heart full of unspoken reverence as you glided through the school corridor. I glimpsed your radiant smile and the tender laughter shared among friends, savoring the gray and white days with a joy untouched by my presence.

My admiration lingered in a realm of inaccessibility, where only my gaze could reach, hesitant to intrude upon the bright tapestry you wove so effortlessly.

A moment, etched deeply in my memory, unfolds where our paths converged in that corridor. With your scarlet bag in tow, you journeyed in the opposite direction. Your eyes, keen and searching, cast a fleeting glance, and in that instant, I was swept by a wave of pure euphoria.

I was but a silent admirer, unseen from your world, a figure in the periphery of your sight, walking quietly behind you with intentions unspoken and respectful.

In the quiet spaces between us, I hold my feelings - liking you and cherishing you, from afar and in silence.

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I Used To Be The One Who Look At You Yesterday

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Yesterday, from a distant perch, I beheld you with a heart full of unspoken reverence as you glided through the school corridor. I glimpsed your radiant smile and the tender laughter shared among...

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I spent my youth with your figure. I tell you every path I walk. I tell you how bothered I was to welcome happy, sad, to silly things that passed by.

My dreams are no exception.

You already know everything, right? How this little girl looks to the future. Where you see my pessimism sometimes becomes an obstacle. Not infrequently you also see my passionate spirit.

But dear -
- Fuck the journey of my life that you already know, I don't even know anything about you.
It feels like there is a big fortress between me and you. The fortress that prevented me from running towards you. He told me as if, I couldn't cross the line.
As if, I'm not a character who has the right to be part of your days.
I know.

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I spent my youth with your figure. I tell you every path I walk. I tell you how bothered I was to welcome happy, sad, to silly things that passed by. My dreams are no exception. You already know everything, right? How this little girl looks to the future.

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Jakarta, 01 November 2022.

Hari ini, keluargaku memutuskan untuk pindah ke luar kota, lebih tepatnya di kota kelahiranku, Bandung. Bandung menjadi tujuan tempat tinggal baru kami setelah meninggalkan pelik dan padatnya Jakarta.

Rumah ini terlihat sudah kosong, barang-barang seperti almari dan kasur sudah dipindahkan ke Bandung menggunakan jasa pengiriman. Tersisa barang-barang pribadi milik kami, tak terkecuali aku. Sudah lebih dari 30 menit aku duduk di lantai sambil menatap kumpulan foto yang tersimpan di dalam kotak.

Foto ini aku ambil saat perjalanan menuju panti di bulan Januari.

Bertepatan dengan hari ulang tahunku, kamu menyiapkan kejutan mengajakku berkunjung ke panti asuhan.

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The End Of The Day, I'll Be The Story You Wouldn't Tell

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Read this, in case you wondering how much i loved you.

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Aric, kamu mungkin bertanya-tanya, mengenai perasaanku yang sebenarnya, yang belum sempat aku katakan padamu dulu.

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When I’m Finally Home to What I Onced Dreamed Of

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Dalam fananya waktu dan nihilnya rindu yang mengalir lewat hujan pukul enam malam. Ada harapku yang terpanjat tentang masa di mana raguku…

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Jika waktu itu aku lebih berani menyatakan apa yang aku rasakan, akankah itu merubah keadaan?

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Where Love Learns to Release Dalam benakku, ada hal yang ku genggam erat-erat, tentang keyakinanku terhadap kata kita. Aku menggenggamnya terlalu erat, sampai tak memberinya ruang untuk tumbuh …

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The Past Still Lives in Me Teruntuk hati ricuhku yang ditenangkan oleh malam. Terhadap sunyinya pikiranku yang diramaikan oleh siang. Aku menulis surat ini dengan hati yang lapang dan hati yang …

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The Wings We Chose to Spread Will Lead Us Back to One Another