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1. I wrote about a scary experience from my childhood, I think I grew by learning how to act in bad situations, and I think It could help in college by balancing my work

2. I wanted to show and not tell a story, and I think I can show that by describing the scene better

3. one area that I needed to improve was vocabulary, Im going to work on that by trying not to use the first word that comes to mind and instead finding a synonym

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1. Based on personal knowledge of the intent of your memoir writing, what personal growth did you show through your narrative, how did you show it, and how do you hope that it will connect to the ethos of a college?

2. What writing goal did you list on the back of your rubric on Monday? What are your specific plans for achieving it?

3. What is one area on the rubric that you received peer feedback on, that you are going to work on? How do you plan to do that?

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1. The personal growth I should was that moving on is hard but achievable. Uncontrollably thing are going to happen in your life, but you can control how you respond. Life will not just stop because something happened to you, so the best thing you can do is move on.

2. I wanted to add some more diversity to my vocabulary and be more vulnerable. I switched out simple word for more complexed ones, and put more emotion into my writing.

3. I recieved feedback from multiple of my peers about my simple vocabulary. They advised me to find other words that brought more engagement to my story. Also they wanted me to add sesory detail to connect with the readers. I did this by adding the feeling, I felt when my bunny died.

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1) showed personal growth in writing craft and what activities that I did how those changed my personality

2)More creative writing and vocabulary. Yes it changed a lot and more story flows beer and makes more since and gives the reader a reason to finish reading the memory

3)Had feedback on flowyness of the memory and I changed that a lot and my paragraph flowyness changed also

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1. Through my personal growth/knowledge that I showed through my writing was that I make it clear that I was stupid and lazy back then, but as the writing progresses then you start to see what I notices in those moments that help me think today.

2. I wanted to have a clear poetic writing style that's like standard writing with some poetry here and there. the poetry usually is used in a moment of thinking for me and standard writing is written on the things that are happening or happened. My plan for achieving this goal is to have myself be corrected so I don't keep making the same mistake.

3. the peer feedback that I received just points back to run on sentences, so with that information I change some words and use some punctuation to make it cleaner.

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1. in my paper, I showed my personal growth through expanding upon the dreams that I was chasing and How I shifted into wanting to work hard to achieve that

2. My goal was to add more sensory detail into my writing and to create more of a mental image in the mind of whomever is reading it so that they can better visualize the story

3. I want to work of fixing the repetition of certain words or phrases in the paper because I received a lot of feedback on repeating too much. I also needed to fix some grammar mistakes and some spelling and I plan to fix that.

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1. I showed growth within my story by writing about flashbacks to my childhood while in the grocery store I grew up in. I hope that it comes across that growing up is hard and it comes too fast.

2. I wrote that I want my story to have more impact and less words. With Mrs. Monroes help, I think we found a way to change some sentences in a way to pack in more story with less words to limit confusion.

3. I got told that my story was confusing because of the flashbacks, and I am trying to add in more transition words to make those flashbacks more obvious.

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1. I feel that I show quite a bit of growth through all of my experiences throughout my life alongside my story, following with the times where I had to face difficult challenges that tested my faith and trust in God.

2. My goal was that I wanted to work on my vocab alongside more sentence flow, my plans are that I need to work and focus on my sentences and how they sound and blend together with more complex words.

3. The feedback that I saw was that I needed to work on sentence flow and just making sure I indent my paragraphs. my plans are that I need to work and focus on my sentences and how they sound and blend together with more complex words. I'm going to work on this by trying to write more.

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1. I intended to tell a story of a trip I went on that I really enjoyed. I don't think I expanded on any elements of personal growth, though.

2. I told a story but didn't add enough specific or obvious personal values.

3. Based on feedback, I'm going to focus on writing in more personal values and growth.

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1. I showed how I grew as a person by how I acted as I grew by growing in my self control. I hope that this will show colleges that I have matured and that I am willing to do what it takes to get good grades/

2. Better depth of detail and vocab use. My plan for this is to chang my words and sentence structure to make it sound more put together and pleasing to the reader.

3. To combine sentences and I plan to do this by combining them with word changes and sentence changes.

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1. I showed how I learned how to persevere through the hard things and see through the things I started. I showed it by not quitting halfway through the season and even learning to love the struggle. The college will see that I will graduate from their school.

2. Using better and more diverse vocabulary. I will write the paper normally and then go back and find better synonyms for the simple vocab.

3. To use better vocabulary. The same thing as #2.

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1. I would say I can see growth from when my story first started to the end at the beginning I was nervous and didn't know what I was getting into but then by the end I became comfortable and began to love it.

2. My writing goal was to build better so what moments and I plan to achieve this by not just trying to add it at the end but build the so what from the start then add a good closing statement.

3. Im going to work on make stronger and more complex sentences with better vocab and I can do that by going through my story and merging sentences and strengthening them and looking for better words to add.

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1. Well I didn't really have a personal growth moment so I need to revise that. I'm hoping I can find a good ethos moment that shows I can overcome something.

2. I needed to show more vulnerability. I will probably change the story up and fit it in somehow.

3. Better vocab. I am going to find stronger synonyms for the words I repeat.

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1. I did not show much personal growth but there was some there, showing how I overcame my fears and developed a deeper trust in my parents.

2. my goal is to use better sentences, and better vocabulary. i need to be more intentional about varying my sentences and words.

3. i was told through peer feedback that i need to work on spelling and proper grammar to make my essay better.

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1. I didn't show a whole lot of personal growth in my memoir, it was mostly just a memory. I did however, talk about the changes that have taken place since then.

2. Have a more specific "so what moment". My plans are to read my essay and find something I can take away and use as a so what moment.

3. The "so what moment". I plan to do it as stated above.

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1) I didn't show a lot of personal growth, but I did feel like I could've showed more as the story progressed. I showed some talking about work ethic and how the ways I learned various tasks and skills along the way, but I hope to add some more in there about the specific lessons I learned and the skills I got.

2) To provide more personal growth and specifically address the "so what moment" more intentionally and boldly. Also I plan on cutting some un needed sentences and words out to better address what needs to be said and to keep my word count low.

3) Making a more definitive "so what moment" and touching more on the maturity and lessons from my story and to bring more detail to the significant impact that it had on me.

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1. Based on my childhood memoir, Night at the Neths, I showed personal growth in my opinion by expressing how much I loved to be over at their house but also showing how when they got divorced the impact it had on my life. I hope it can connect people by showing them that sometimes to let go of feelings and memories is expressing how you feel through writing

2. explaining the story more thoroughly (helping readers understand). I plan on achieving this goal by using more colorful words and complex sentences to make the story more impactful.

3. Utilizes varied vocabulary and strong verbs effectively. I plan on using feedback and maybe even a thesaurus to help me with my vocab so I'm not using the same old words.

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1. Based on my 4th of July I showed personal growth. I showed growth in my relationships in my neighbors and the memories I created.

2. I need to incorporate more personal growth and vulnerability into my sentences. I need to show where I grew stronger relationships with neighbors. I need to be more personal rather than just tell a story.

3. I am going to use stronger sentences and make the sentences flow together better. I need to make sure I also make a clear intro and conclusion and divide the paper into clear paragraphs.

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1. I dont think I showed a whole lot of personal growth because I think I just talked about the story and didn't show growth.

2. My goal was to be more personal in my writing instead of just telling stories.

3. need to show more vulnerability and better sentence and paragraph structure.

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1) Through my childhood memoir, I tried to show great vulnerability and what the meaning of that year was to me, not only the year but also the specific time of year.

2) I talked about how I thought my writing was good but could always improve. I think that there is always room to grow and so that's what I wanna do within my writing is grow and how I use my words and my vulnerability.

3) For me and my writing in particular I think I need to work on and advance my "show, don't tell". I need to work on almost bringing my writing to life in a way that keeps the reader super engaged and wanting more from the story.

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I showed my personal growth in being in my family. I shoed how I grew with my little sister. I want it to tie in well and tried to connect it well.

I wrote about my family vacation. One thing is I did not add enough personal values. I need to add more personal growth and values in there. I plan to add some values and make the personal growth more obvious.

I received peer feedback on adding more personal growth and values. I plan to do that by making it more obvious as well as adding it in

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1. I didn't show a lot of personal growth but I think I could improve on the personal growth by changing what I wrote and I think it will connect to the college ethos by showing that I have a story that connects with me

2. I said that I want to make my writing better and more interesting. I think I could take out a lot of words and make it more complex and not super simple

3. I need to connect the experiences to core values better; use better vocab instead of the simple vocab I've been using

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1. I think I showed my personal growth through making my core values more prevalent with one of them and the main core value being spending time with family.

2. My goal was honestly just be able to keep writing without hitting stopping point but also to make my writing more clear and concise and either to understand and pick up what was going on or being told

3. using better vocabulary and better transitions was one peer suggestion that was made. I think in the pursuit of making my writing more clear I may of over simplified the transitions between points.

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1) Based on my memoir, by the end of my essay I explained that I grew by having the realization of not taking things for granted. As a little kid, all the fun and simple nights gave me the reminder to enjoy the little things. I hope the realization of gratitude will stand out to colleges.

2) Goal- Being able to add more vulnerability and core values to help my sentences flow more

Plans- Add more personal growth, and a specific memory on how I felt.

3) One correction I got was to combine some sentences to make them more complex- I can find sentences that are too simple find a way to put them together and make it flow.

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1. Based on my memoir, I think I showed personal growth by sharing my scary experience and demonstrating how I learned that things can become less scary with family and laughter. I hope my memoir will connect with the college ethos by telling them a story about my life and how my experience taught me something.

2. I want to use better grammar and learn to write with more depth. I plan to speak with Mrs. Monroe to get advice to help with achieving this.

3. I received feedback on the lack of depth in my paper. I plan to go more into detail about specific events that lack depth.

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1. based on my memoire I believed that I showed great growth in showing vulnerability in my essays and really expressing that.

2. based on my goal of writing the best word possible I will be using a thesaurus to boost my writing skills and grammar

3. based on my peer revision I need to do better on punctuation so I will be working on that

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1. I didnt show a a lot of personal growth but what I did show was that I realized family is super important and its fun going on trips with family, I hope it will connect to the ethos of a college by showing that family is important and there is nothing that comes before family except God.

2. I wrote to take non important sentences out to get the word count and I will do that by taking out non important sentences

3. Better complex sentences and personal growth and ill do that by combining sentences and talking about how I grew as a person.

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My personal growth was shown throughout the story by starting off showing my competitive side and thinking I was out shooting BB guns with my dad so I can be the best. At the end of the story I quickly realize it’s not about being the best, and spending quality time with my dad that was always working, was the most important thing. I intend to show colleges I am a studious worker but also value friendships and family.

My goal was to make the writing flow together and pull together at the ending. I added a few sentences to the end about my realization of my salaried time with my dad to tie it all together. Before I made these corrections readers may have had trouble finding deeper meaning in the story

I got feedback on the same thing my goal was about. I’m just going to remove super irrelevant sentences and add things on to being outside with my dad. Realizing my competitive spirit will lead me to be successful but its not all about that

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1. Throughout my story, I showed personal growth by walking through my freshman year and how much change I’ve gone through since then. I started my story with explaining how I was not ready nor excited and ended with how high school has ultimately now prepared me and has brought me out of my shell.

2. My writing was to clean up my essay and make it stand out more and I plan on trying to add more complex sentences and expanding on my experiences really unraveling how it changed and shaped me.

3. I received feedback on my wording, just in some spots how it got a little lengthy and confusing. I am going to clean up and shorten some sentences, and tie them better together.

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1) I show how I learned the importance of loving your family. I show it through my reflection in the last paragraph. I hope it shows what and why I value to the collage.

2) better "so what" and flow. fix a few sentences all around the paper pointed out to my by my peers.

3) fix the flow. go back and read it with fresh eyes and mark what is awkward

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1. Through the narrative, I showed personal growth through resilience in the face of a problem or challenge and that you have to keep going to resolve whatever issue you run into in life

2. to get better sentence flow and to cut down my whole Essay, I can cut out more words by using the skills we learned on Tuesday, and to increase flow, I can have a peer review it and give me suggestions

3. I need to work on the length of the essay because it is very over the 500-word count, so that is what I need to fix the most

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1. I believe I showed personal growth through my vulnerability in my experiences. I showed strength in reliance on others and God through tough times.

2. I wanted to put emphasis on the "So What" moment and make it better planned out. I want the build up to be worth it and convincing to the overarching narrative.

3. Some of my sentences were not complete and others needed to be fleshed out more. Also there is a consensus on the "So What" moment being longer.

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1. Based on my trip for baseball that I went on to Cooperstown, NY, I showed growth in the story by building relationships with my teammates and teamwork skills after starting 0-4 in the tournament.

2. I listed that I need values, and that I need to show and not tell what happened throughout.

3. The area that I need to work on for my writing is condensing. I plan on cutting out some of the unnecessary information and words that don't contribute.

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1. Based on my basketball memoir I showed personal growth in my sentence flow, and being more intentional about if all flowing together.

2. My goal was to keep working hard on my papers, and to achieve that I need to be intentional about revising my rough draft in order to make the best paper that I can.

3. I need to use stronger vocab, and I can do that by going back through and changing simple words for stronger ones.

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1. I see personal growth in my writing through boldness and confidence of stating this newspaper as a little kid. Walking up to people doors asking id they wanted to buy our product im sure took a lot of courage and I showed that through my essay.

2. my writing goal from Monday was to add more descriptive detail. One way I could do that is my reading my essay out loud and seeing where I could be more descriptive and adding detail there.

3. Vivie noted that each paragraph was well written but the paragraphs didn't flow together. I will try looking at the beginning and ending sentences of each paragraph to see if I can switch them to flow a bit better.

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1. In my personal narrative I showed how I learned perseverance and determination. I showed this by writing about how in the beginning of my essay I was doubting myself and eventually learned how to keep working hard and accomplish my goals. I hope it connects with the ethos of a college by showing how a real life example of hard work paying off in my life.

2. I wrote about how I wanted to use more similes and metaphors and how I wanted to use more complex sentences. My specific plan is to read through my essay and find places to add more complex words and metaphors.

3. Someone told me that with my values, I should work on showing and not telling. I really like this feedback because I read my essay again and realized that I did a lot of telling in my essay. I plan to work on showing my values instead of telling them and changing parts in my essay that are telling instead of showing.

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1. The personal growth I showed was that not only did I had to mature really early in life, but also that I also grew closer to Christ through that. I showed it when I had to clean up my grandpa's blood off the walls, off the floor, even off the bed. As for my faith, I relied on God to carry my grandpa through this situation or take care of the situation to His own will. And, my grandpa is still alive today.

2. I wanted to add some more writing craft than I have. My plan was to adjust some of the sentences I have to fit different types of sentences.

3. I received feedback on the showing core values. I more stated them with the occasional seeing me having to mature through that but I didn't mention anything about that throughout my story. I should add some more details of that.

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Example - based on sample we read in class

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Example - based on sample we read in class

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1. Based on the baseball memoir I wrote, I believe that I showed growth through increased efforts in practice and a changed mindset, to have a better baseball season.

2. My goal was to write more concisely. I am going to look for details that, while they might be important to me, are not entirely necessary for the purpose. Specifically, I will eliminate some of the play-by-play details, and summarize more.

3. Based on feedback, I am going to work on sentence structure. Too many of my sentences started the same way. I am going to try some appositives.

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Put your name at the top of a padlet.

Take a picture of yourself to go with it! (optional)

1. Based on personal knowledge of the intent of your memoir writing, what personal growth did you show through your narrative, how did you show it, and how do you hope that it will connect to the ethos of a college?

2. What writing goal did you list on the back of your rubric on Monday? What are your specific plans for achieving it?

3. What is one area on the rubric that you received peer feedback on, that you are going to work on? How do you plan to do that?