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우리 아이 자존감의 비밀 - 예스24

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8살 이전에 형성된 자아존중감이 아이의 미래를 결정한다!세상에는 똑같은 어려움에 직면했을 때 `살다보면 이럴 수도 있는 거죠. 다음엔 잘 될 거예요`라고 말하는 이가 있는가 하면 `왜 나만 이렇게 힘든 일이 생기는 거죠? 더 이상은 못 참겠어요`라고 말하는 사…

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- refer to growth mindset

- celebrate the attempts and persevering

- support your child (help them feel supported) but without you doing a whole task for them

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*Praise effort over results, process over performance.

*Foster a growth mindset

*Listening to and validating their feelings/thoughts/ideas

*Reading biographies of role models/people who have succeeded after many attempts

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A great way to learn resilience is to let your child fail and navigate the consequences. Small mistakes now will help them understand that they cannot always rely on others to be responsible for things that they are capable of age appropriately being able to do.

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Let your child make mistakes. Confidence builds from mistakes. It starts from carrying their own backpacks, etc.

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Giving them opportunities to try, experience mistakes, and a bit of stress. Model resilient choices, growth mindset. Give responsibilities, allow voice and choice.

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celebrate some accomplishments, encourage making mistakes, have fun! (go do something as a family and finish it together- grit and problem solving in a joyful way)

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Can you give me some examples of situations that are making you uncomfortable? I would like to understand how I can help get to the root of the problem.

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Where is this coming from? (This will affect the answer; we may not know some underlying issues). If there is no deep issue between the students, it should be on the students to branch out and spend time with others, or to stay away from others.

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*We need to include everyone. We may not like everyone but we need to support our children in socializing appropriately with other students.

*What are your concerns about this child? (Find out if there is validity to the request or if it is a parent perception.)

*We try to teach our children to try to problem-solve on their own (using words) and then get adult help if it doesn't work. What has been tried so far?

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Suggest to talk to Admin about it. We emphasized on being inclusive, and working on problem solving skills. It is part of our ATLs skills we teach the kids.

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I feel it's important that your child should manage their interactions/social interactions independently. I will support them to develop their self-management skills and I encourage your collaboration/support at home.

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Please let me know if there is a safety issue or if someone is being intentionally hurtful (words or actions). If not safety, let's talk through the concerns because developing many types of relationships is helpful to their social/emotional growth and development...and yes this will include challenges but please remember that from challenges resilience is built...and only through challening experiences...as long as the child is being purposely hurt.

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Put yourself in the shoes of that student if another parent was to single your child out and make that request. I think all children should learn to deal with all sorts of personalities and situations and that is why we teach them such lessons in PSHE

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Resource for parents

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154 - Winning Screentime with Patrick Green

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I correct only the words he/she should know how to spell at that stage and I mark them only once. Having a whole page filled with markings is a total deflator for any child.

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I would also differentiate between different types of 'screen'. A kobo or kindle is a different screen experience because it is a book and it does not have the blue light that makes it difficult to sleep.

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*Use screen time as a reward after they do their "must do's."

*Come up with Essential Agreements for Screen Time so they have some voice.

*Compromise and meet in the middle.

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Never before bed... keep the devices in a safe space (communal space) so that it's never in the bedroom (strict rules/routines). Also speak with parents about how dangerous the internet/games can be when unsupervised at this age.

*depending on age but no more than 1-2 hours per day

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- give them ownership of choosing the duration of specific screen time (you as the parent would offer this of course)

- have the screens in a common space outside of the bedroom

- limit it before bedtime

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Parents are in control of the screen time.

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Take away the ipad. Take back the power. I can't recommend how much time is appropriate. Whatever is working for the family.

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Discipline, boundaries are needed. No screens/devices in the bedroom is the first thing. Help set healthy routines and alternatives to screen entertainment. The amount of time depends on age and on what the activity on the screen is, some are worse than others.

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It depends on their age and the quality of the apps they are using. There can be some value in being a creator during screen time rather that passive. But play and reading is much more valuable.

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Do NOT let them have their screens in the bedroom. For older children, change the WiFi password and have tasks to be done before they get it again.

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Phones, Ipads and other devices should be handed over at a certain time in parents bedroom and goodnight :-)

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This would present a good opportunity to ask questions about their evening routines. What time are they starting their homework typically? Also, use this opportunity to talk about setting up a predictable routine so that the child understands how the time should be used.

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have a space for the child to do their work and slowly build their stamina (routine)

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Too tired, too hard.

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Start small, go over the planner/homework planner, involve family. Encourage your child, motivate, praise small steps. Let your child also make mistakes, take ownership, own their mistakes.

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*Find something that interests them so they are motivated to finish their homework and get a reward.

*Give them a choice: do you want to take a break and then do your homework? Or do you prefer to get your homework done with and then take a break?

*Do the hard thing first and the next thing will be easier.

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I'm sorry it is stressful to you. Send them without the homework done (or done in the way it is), and they will have to face the consequences of not bringing homework to the classroom. (Depends on which student this is - what is it that they do at home, are they tired from all the extra classes, or do they just want to play video games).

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Here are a few ideas: Create a positive reinforcement chart filled with activities they like to do and have them earn those rewards if they do the work. Also talk to them about why they do not like to do the work, it could it is not interesting or stimulating enough. Maybe they are tired and have other activities.

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Our students at SFS have high expectations and they work extremely hard at school. I'm wondering if your child has had an opportunity to reset in the afternoon. But as a school we do have an expectation to read every night so I can share some tips for that. How long are you expecting to do homework. Have shorter/achievable goals (e.g. 10 minutes for one activity). *Also ask how much sleep the child is getting

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There is no evidence that homework in primary school is beneficial. Reading for pleasure or following their passions should be highly encouraged, but formal work is not needed!

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As a teacher to we would inform if there areas of support that should be addressed (just reassure parents).

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We look at the whole child so there are many areas of strength and always a next step. We look at each child's starting point and how they are progressing.

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- Gear parents towards skills that are relevant to the grade-level expectations (are they meeting, below, exceeding certain skills) instead of comparing their child to other children

- focus on individual growth giving them specifics on what they are doing well & what they can work on with their child

- help them understand their child better as a big picture

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We don't rank children in that way but you can see their MAP test scores. What I'd rather speak to you about is the growth your child has made so far this year and what the next steps are for them to continue growing.

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I would discuss where their child is compared to where they started at the beginning of the year and where they are at now and what can be done to support them going forward.

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Your child is where they need to be right now. They are on their own journey and have their individual experiences, needs, and goals. In class, we compare the progress of the child and their growth; at SFS we don't compare children to other kids in their class.

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As a school we value student growth so it doesn't where they're at. We are looking at the growth. Every child has their own strengths as well, so it's difficult to say how they compare.

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Please don't compare your child to others. We don't compare individual to individual. We can give you where your child is based on the benchmarks for the grade level.

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Using examples of famous people who weren't considered 'successful' until much later in life. Michael Jordan, Albert Einstein etc

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Focus on growth, rather than comparison to others.

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I never answer this question but just talk about their strengths and next steps. I never ask, "Did I answer your question?" I just flip the conversation.

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Kendall Zoller works for the National Center for Principled Leadership & Research Ethics (Illinois, USA). This site has role play videos, one page summaries and lots of advice, support and resources for handling difficult conversations and forming strong partnerships.

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National Center for Principled Leadership and Research Ethics

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16.21 - Good Cues for a Better First Impression

18.30 - What We Need to Signal to Express Warmth

30.17 - How to Make an Impression on Zoom

35.07 - How Important is Background on Zoom?

36.29 - Where to Look on Zoom Calls

43.09 - Drivers and Passengers in Conversation

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Body Language Expert Explains Why People Dislike You

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See Ch 25 of "Good Inside". Link

"When happiness is your goal, negative feelings are an obstacle. And we should all be allowed our own feelings. When following the good-inside approach to parenting, the idea is never to change, judge, or avoid a child’s feelings.

Yes, you want your children to feel happy. But conflict avoidance, not trusting your own feelings, and feeling “bad” for not being happy can all lead to anxiety in the future. A much better goal to focus on is resiliency.

A resilient child can manage their reactions, understand and trust their emotions, and feel comfortable in their own skin.

Resilience isn’t about getting the outcome you want. Remember, your job is to hold boundaries, not control your child’s feelings. Sometimes you just have to sit through the tantrum, and that’s okay.

To teach resilience, you need certain capabilities like empathy, listening, acceptance, and presence. You need to be able to help your child identify their strengths and learn to solve problems on their own. Here’s the hard part – to accomplish what you want for your child, you also have to treat yourself with the same love and respect."

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Don't forget you are the parent and you set the restrictions.

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Be the anchor and not a shield. Ask about why homework is important, ask what support they need, and encourage children to try.

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We encourage children to work and play together and I think if your child is unsure about playing with XXX then we can have a conversation together about how they can both make recess a fun time - sometimes this may include giving each other a break and opportunity to play with different friends.

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Each child is on a journey working at their own pace, comparing them to others may help you as a parent fell good, but it will not help your child. They need to focus on their goals and improvement will come

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Encouraging comparative thinking does not build self-confidence and resilience. In fact, over time, children who overcompare develop greater anxieties and experience a sense of loneliness.

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Let's ask the SFS IT dept for a guiding document. It needs deeper thought because there is content creating and passive consumption.

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I can't promise this. Children in an elementary school are learning who they are. This is a process in which lots and lots of small mistakes will be made and it's important we model humilty, grace, forgiveness and remind parents that we would want the same for our own child.

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I would say ok, you can explain to your teacher why it was not done - give your child the responsibility. Don't make it into a fight

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What are the school's expectations? Try and then stop at frustration? It's important to engage with the material at home. The key is understanding why and perhaps try 5 mins and build up stamina.

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Give your child the opportunity to plan their week and when they plan to complete their tasks so that they can get it done on time.

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Remind parents that all apps we use in school are in line with user agreements. At home, apps like Kakako, Facebook, and all AI tools have user agreements of 13+ so I would encourage parents to only use appropriate apps.

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When your child's struggles or faces a challenge, don't rush in to save them. Talk with them and together plan a way forward.

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I think the important thing is to focus on where your child is currently at, and then think about their specific goals to reach their next steps.

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Book Recommendation

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Book Recommendation

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The American Academy of Pediatrics discourages media use by children younger than 2 and recommends limiting older children's screen time to no more than one or two hours a day.

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Important considerations

Quality over quantity:

It's better to focus on the quality of the content rather than just the duration. High-quality educational content can be beneficial, while excessive social media use or passive viewing may have negative effects.

Balance with other activities:

Screen time should not replace sleep, homework, or in-person social interaction.

Screen-free times:

Avoid screens for at least two hours before bedtime to prevent them from interfering with sleep.

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'We do a disservice to our children when we try to rescue them. When we do too much for them, we increase our own self-esteem but steal theirs. When kids have to work for something, it increases their self-esteem and they build important life skills.' Dr. Daneil Amen.

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Book Recommendation

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Dr. Aliza Pressman: 5 Principles of Parenting for Resilient, Self-Regulated, and Competent Children

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As a parent, do you ever wish someone could just whisper some realistic and trustworthy support in your ear? And not make you feel awful for not having all the answers? Well, that's what I'm here for.

I'm Dr. Aliza Pressman, developmental psychologist, parent educator, asst. clinical professor, and co-founder of both Mount Sinai Parenting Center and SeedlingsGroup. And I'm a mom... trying to raise two good humans myself, so I'm in this with you!

In each episode, we'll go deep (but brief) with both experts and parents to share the most effective approaches and tools and talk about the important bigger picture of raising good humans. My goal is to make your parenting journey less overwhelming and a lot more joyful!

Please join me every Friday for new episodes of Raising Good Humans.

As a parent, do you ever wish someone could just whisper some realistic and trustworthy support in your ear? And not make you feel awful for not having all the answers? Well, that's what I'm here for.

I'm Dr. Aliza Pressman, developmental psychologist, parent educator, asst. clinical professor, and co-founder of both Mount Sinai Parenting Center and SeedlingsGroup. And I'm a mom... trying to raise two good humans myself, so I'm in this with you!

In each episode, we'll go deep (but brief) with both experts and parents to share the most effective approaches and tools and talk about the important bigger picture of raising good humans. My goal is to make your parenting journey less overwhelming and a lot more joyful!

Please join me every Friday for new episodes of Raising Good Humans.

Amazing podcast!

Such a great podcast and so needed in times like these.

The BEST parenting podcast I've found

I can't say enough good things about this podcast. As a young mother, I've been hungry for research-based information about child development. I've learned so much from Dr. Aliza and her many wonderful guests. My daughter is only a toddler but I've felt so much better prepared to handle challenges big and small because of what I've learned here. Thank you!

Real Facts w/ Real Parenting Experts

Love this podcast! Learning so much and enlightening to hear some things come to life when you are already thinking about it, but having that something be confirmed by an expert! Please keep going. Glad I found you (thank you Drew Barrymore)! Love!

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‎As a parent, do you ever wish someone could just whisper some realistic and trustworthy support in your ear? And not make you feel awful for not having all the answers? Well, that's what I'm here for. I'm Dr. Aliza Pressman, developmental psychologist, parent educator, asst. clinical professor, an...

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Yes, we teach grammar. We teach it with intention during our Word Study time (UFLI and Morphology) and also during our writing time. We also teach it during shared reading time. We have a grammar and mechanics scope and sequence, with specific grade-level standards that are mapped to each unit.

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Children will start to use only the words they know how to spell in their writing, rather than more sophisticated vocabulary.

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It doesn't support independence. What do they do when an adult isn't around to help them? Decreases risk-taking.

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It shows us what they know how to spell and what they don't. It is a purer representation of where they are at. We can use this information to teach forward, not in the instance of one word, but the part of the word they are finding difficult so that they can apply this to many other words. We learn more from the words they misspell.

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Telling them how to spell a word doesn't teach them anything about spelling or help them become better spellers. Our brain is doing the cognitive work and not the child's.

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If we spell words for students, it communicates to them that words should be spelled correctly from the beginning. We want them to be comfortable with making approximation attempts. We don't expect perfection in any other skill, say when babies are starting to walk, and this is also true of students learning to spell.