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How you can build an emotional connection

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What is an emotional connection? If you listen, are there signs that tell you that you are bonding with someone? Why is finding that level of emotional security so difficult with the opposite sex? Learn the ins and outs of an emotional connection and why it is necessary to bond emotionally in order to build a relationship.

Defining Emotional Connection

Each person individually defines what an emotional connection means to her, but there is a basic definition that can apply to all people.

An emotional connection is a bundle of subjective feelings that come together to create a bond between two people.

The word emotional means to arouse strong feelings.

The feelings may be anger, sorrow, joy, love or any of thousands of emotions that humans experience.

A connection is a bond, a link or tie to something or someone.

Interlock the two words, emotional connection, and it becomes a bond or tie to someone with whom you share a particular set of emotions.

Relationships without an Emotional Connection

In order for a relationship to build and become stronger, forge an emotional connection.

Perhaps you are in a relationship with someone you feel strongly about or love.

He, on the other hand, seems distant, often holding back thoughts and seldom sharing himself, physically or emotionally.

This sort of relationship might be a friendship or a co-dependent situation of living together or fulfilling a sexual need.

Without a strong emotional connection, it is doomed to frustrate one or both partners and ultimately fail.

The Bonds that Hold

A couple that meets and delves into learning as much about each other as possible creates an emotional connection.

Through thoughtful and caring communication, you each learn the intricacies of the other. You learn what makes him happy, what makes him angry and what brings him to his knees in joyful celebration. He learns what brings you to tears, what causes you to smile mysteriously, and what frustrates you. You each learn the essence of the other and feel compassion and empathy, or share the emotion.

In order for a couple to benefit from the joys of an emotional connection, they must be willing to become vulnerable with each other.

Allowing someone into your inner sanctum of secrets, pain and joy means taking risks. A risk of this magnitude demands trust.

When trust is betrayed, the healing is long and arduous.

According to Susan Johnson and Hara Estroff Marano, authors of the article "In the Name of Love" (Psychology Today Magazine, March 1994), "We fall in love when a strong attachment bond is formed. We stay in love by maintaining the bond."

Without a strong emotional connection, the road to love is blocked.

When the attachment breaks or becomes neglected, love falls to the wayside.

Signs of Emotional Connection

Although every individual's emotions differ, there is one universal sign that an emotional connection has been made between two people.

A true sign is that both parties invite the other inside.

You share funny stories of what happened at work and you share bad days when everything went wrong.

You are both willing to give each other peeks into childhood dreams and adult aspirations.

The conversation flows easily from one to the other.

Even in silence, a couple creating a strong emotional bond will feel at ease. You can share anything with your partner without fear that he will flee and he feels the same.

The area of emotional connection is so subjective that each person exhibits different emotions and physical feelings.

She may feel "butterflies" in her stomach each time he calls. He may finish her sentence or start speaking the same thought at the same time. Is this a deep bond or just coincidence?

Every person views it differently.

Keep in mind there is a difference between physical attraction and an emotional connection.

Although one may lead to the next, physical attraction is a superficial emotion that begins the journey toward an emotional connection and love.

Marriage and Emotional Connections

An emotional connection in marriage is necessary if the union is to survive the rigors of life.

When one partner comes home to a distant spouse who refuses to share, the marriage suffers.

Resentment builds, disagreements ensue and a merry-go-round of hurt and lack of trust keeps the marriage in a state of turmoil.

If you feel you have lost the emotional connection with your partner, try to figure out the cause.

Is there an unforgiving wrong that has caused distance between the two of you?

Perhaps in anger, something was said or done that caused emotional or physical pain.

Maybe one of you just stopped trying due to lack of time or not wanting to face an issue.

Denial comes in to play, making it difficult to reestablish the all-important emotional connection.

How to Establish an Emotional Connection

If you want the healthiest relationship possible, learn how to establish a strong emotional connection with your partner.

With this in place, all other areas will flow naturally. Here are seven tips that can help you forge an unbreakable bond:

1. Study Your Partner

Understand what your partner needs and wants from life and you. This means paying close attention when he talks. Look past the words and into his heart where he harbors secrets he wants to share.

2. Trust

Develop a sense of trust with each other. This building block to an emotional connection will not come overnight. It takes time to develop secure feelings with another person. Let trust build naturally.

3. Emotional Availability

Both of you must be emotionally available to the other. If you hold back in any way, you are not opening yourself up to the possibilities of a strong connection.

A couple in a budding relationship has little problem showing affection, but married couples suffering from a fraying connection may need to work on being affectionate with each other.

Kiss each other good morning and good night. Hold hands, hug and rekindle the fires of physical love.

5. Fight Fair

In the midst of heated battle, words and accusations fly, often hitting an unintended mark.

Learn to fight fair. If you do not know how, search for a book or counselor who can help you.

When arguing do not bring up the past. Stay in the moment and use solid reasons for why you feel the way you do.

6. See the World Through His Eyes

Try to see the world as he does to discover who he really is. This means stepping back at times to envision why he behaves in certain ways. Observe how he reacts to situations and try to imagine being in his shoes. Expect him to do the same.

7. Overcome the Obstacles

Couples in faltering marriages often have pressing issues that need to be solved before an emotional connection can be established again.

Define each problem together and then find solutions to alleviate or eliminate the obstacle.

Once the biggest obstacles are conquered, you can begin rebuilding the lost emotional connection.

Emotional connections are complex and subjective, but bring so much to the relationship table.

Without building a strong bond, the relationship cannot advance from a simple friendship.

Remaining in a relationship without an emotional connection means one or both people will end up feeling as if something is missing.

And they would be right. In this case, something is missing: the strong chain that binds two people together and develops into a deep, abiding love that stands the test of time.

Are You Emotionally Unavailable?

Are you one of those rare breeds of American women who are emotionally unavailable and find yourself running for the hills each time a man comes along and tries to tame you? Contrary to popular belief, there's a little of that in all of us, but exactly how unavailable are you? Take this quiz and find out if you're a desperate dater or a runaway bride.

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Are you someone who can connect with someone deeply?

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The New Year is slowly nearing, and with the holiday season already upon us many people are indulging in retrospection and reevaluating some of their life choices. New Year's resolutions are the perfect opportunity for all those who have failed to start making the changes that they said they would make next week, next month, or perhaps when winter starts.

Well, now's your chance to sit down and prepare a list of important lifestyle changes you want to make, and being the charitable and caring bunch that we are here at Lifehack, we've decided to give you a bit of help - because since the majority of people fail to stick to their resolution, you'll need all the help you can get.

What follows is a list of 50 common New Year's resolutions with a piece of advice and plenty of links to useful articles that deal with the issue in greater detail. If you are looking for effective ways of changing your life for the better, then you'll be sure to find tons of useful information here.

Scroll down to continue reading article

34. Stop being late all the time: Punctuality is a virtue that is held in high regard in our society. Being on time is a mark of a true professional, a dependable friend and caring partner, so it is a good idea to pick up a few tricks that can help you stay on time.

39. Start being more responsible: A big part of growing up into a mature adult is the ability to think before making a decision. It is important to take responsibility for ones actions and avoid blaming everything on someone else, just as it is important to protect your family and provide for them.

Well, there you have it - an extensive list of advice, tips and tricks to help you see your New Year's resolution through and make some long-term changes in your life. I wish you all a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year.

Time for a Change!

Want to make a change but are hesitant to do so? Afraid that you will have to give up what you have in order to start anew? You can't miss this article:
Do You Have to Give Everything Up to Get a Fresh Start?
Featured photo credit: man's hand holding a sparkler via shutterstock.com

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Signs You're A Person Who Can Connect With People Deeply

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Discover the reasons human beings can connect with each other on a deeply personal level, and why it is good to be sensitive!

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connecting with others

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HOW CONNECTIONS HELP

Your friend gets your joke. Your co-worker offers congrats. Your spouse hugs you hello. They are all helping you bust stress and boost well-being. In fact, Mental Health America found that 71 percent of people surveyed turned to friends or family in times of stress.

Humans are social animals: We crave feeling supported, valued and connected.
Research points to the benefits of social connection:

Increased happiness. In one compelling study, a key difference between very happy people and less-happy people was good relationships.

Better health. Loneliness was associated with a higher risk of high blood pressure in a recent study of older people.

A longer life. People with strong social and community ties were two to three times less likely to die during a 9-year study.

Sometimes connection is a heart-to-heart, spill-it-all-out talk. But sometimes it's just a laugh-out-loud e-mail.

CREATING CONNECTIONS
Connection happens when you get:

concrete help, such as having a friend pick your kids up from school

emotional support, like hearing someone say, "I'm really sorry you're having such a tough time"

perspective, like being reminded that even the moodiest teenagers grow up

advice, such as a suggestion to plan a weekly date with your wife

validation, like learning that other folks love reading train schedules too

DO YOU HAVE ENOUGH SUPPORT?

One author called her support network her "pit crew," the people she could rely on to rev her up. Ask yourself if you have at least a few friends or family members who:

feel comfortable to be with

give you a sense you could tell them anything

can help you solve problems

make you feel valued

take your concerns seriously

Want more ways to assess support? Go to http://www.heretohelp.bc.ca/skills/module3#survey.

MAKING FRIENDS

If you feel your current connections don't provide enough support, you can take steps to form new ones. Consider these suggestions:

Enroll in a class that intrigues you. You'll know your classmates already share a common interest (and if you don't meet anyone, at least you'll have boosted your brain).

Join a book group, hiking club or other group. If you want to make your entry smoother, consider contacting the group's leader in advance.

Volunteer. Working together builds bonds, and helping others has its own rewards.

Reach out-a lot. Especially if you're in a completely new situation, like starting college, you may need to meet lots of people before finding some that suit you.

If extreme shyness or anxiety prevents you from making friends, working with a therapist might help.

STRENGTHENING YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

If you want to get more out of the relationships you have, consider these steps:

Make a list of the people you want to contact regularly. If necessary, add a reminder to your calendar.

Commit to a certain amount of time together each day or week-without pagers, iPods or other distracting contraptions.

Listen really well. Repeat what you heard to make sure you understood.

Ask for specific kinds of help. Even the best of friends can't read your mind.

Show how much you respect, support and appreciate your friends and family. You maythink positive thoughts, but sharing them works wonders.

Move out of relationships that make you feel unsafe, lower your self-esteem or draw you into unhealthy habits, like abusing drugs.

If you're in a troubled relationship, it pays to work on it. Experts say a bad relationship can hurt you even more than a good one can help you. If your relationship is rocky, here are some suggestions:

Take responsibility for your part in the problem

Stay constructive and propose solutions

Consider how you might feel if you were the other person

Try to focus on what you value about the other person

If disagreements get intense, remember to fight fair. Researcher John Gottman, PhD, who has predicted with amazing accuracy which couples will divorce, says your fighting style really matters. Consider two great ways to reduce the heat:

Avoid over-generalizing. Beware of statements like, "You never pay attention to me." Instead, make specific requests like, "Could we spend an hour together soon?"

Avoid finger-pointing. Instead of blaming the other person, focus on how you feel with an "I" statement such as, "I feel upset when you come home and just read the newspaper."

When appropriate, try to forgive-for your own sake. Research shows that forgiving reduces tension, depression and anxiety. Of course, letting go can be tough. Try to:

think about what stresses might have contributed to the other person's behavior

contemplate what's good about that person

ask for an apology if that would help

remember that forgiving doesn't mean you're saying the behavior was acceptable

If you're having trouble expressing your needs or getting them met, consider individual or couples therapy.

GETTING SUPPORT FROM A GROUP

If you're facing a particular stress, like a serious illness, you may want to get additional support beyond what your friends and family can offer. Support groups can provide:

concrete suggestions and information about the issue

people who can empathize with how you are feeling

a reminder that you're not alone

inspiration from seeing others coping well

You'll likely benefit most from attending a group in person since hearing someone's voice and seeing the look on a person's face can really deepen connection, but if there's no group in your area, consider online support or discussion groups.

Mental Health America can help you find a support group. You can also learn out about support groups from your health care provider, local hospital or community center.

Reviewed by Sonja Lyubomirsky, PhD, a University of California, Riverside professor and author of The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want (Penguin Press).

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Connect with Others HOW CONNECTIONS HELP Your friend gets your joke. Your co-worker offers congrats. Your spouse hugs you hello. They are all helping you bust stress and boost well-being. In fact, Mental Health America found that 71 percent of people surveyed turned to friends or family in times of stress.

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What does connection mean to me?

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The importance of connecting with people

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One thing which has always come naturally to me and I love doing is connecting people with similar interests. I believe this is one of the best ways within the Body of Christ where "iron sharpens iron".

From a strategic, discipleship standpoint, I know people are more likely to be connected to the church if they are connected to other people at deeper levels than simply attending the same church. If they can identify with people who understand them or embrace something they embrace, they feel more a part of things. And, connection is huge if we want to be effective at discipleship.

I love the move in the church towards being more diverse - and I embrace it and am working towards it - but connecting people with similarities is one of the more effective ways I've seen to do this. When two people have similar interests outside their age, demographics, or race, other barriers seem to diminish.

So, I'm always looking for ways to connect people to other people through commonalities.

Let me give you some examples of similar interests I look for in connecting people.

Here are 7 common connectors for people:

Common pain - One of the hardest losses in the church is the loss of a child. I know this is a pain I can't fully understand the way someone who has experienced it does. Sadly, we have a number of parents who have experienced this in our church. I'm regularly connecting them as I learn of their struggles. No one can walk through pain better with you than someone who knows the exact pain you feel. And, there are lots of other common pains in the church - infertility, personal failure, and divorce - just to name a few. (When I was in a very small church early in my ministry I often looked for common pain connections for someone in our church if they were the only one with this pain in ours.)

Common struggle - Different from pain, these are people who share a common issue they frequently are wrestling with or are currently. One example is someone who is looking for work. Another is someone struggling with a wayward child. The whole success of Alcoholics Anonymous is built on this principle. Of course, there are safeguards you need to consider with this one. You want to make sure the people you're connecting are going to actually help each other and not be a bigger temptation to them in the struggle, but there can also be great strength in people bonding together during common struggles.

Common passion - One of the issues of struggle in our society today is human trafficking. The statistics are astounding and all of us - especially believers - should be concerned about the issue. I've seen, however, some people have formed a passion for doing something about it. Whole ministries have started with this passion. If I run into two people who share this passion it makes sense for me to introduce them. And, I have many times in our church. This is just one example. It could be a cause, or a cure, or a dream which is driving a person. If I know someone else shares this passion I want to connect them.

Common vocation - This is one of the easiest connecting pieces for people. Teachers understand the unique issues other teachers face daily. So do policeman. As do bankers, attorneys, the self-employed and engineers. With so much of our life revolving around what we do vocationally this makes such a natural place to connect people with a similar interest.

Common hobby - I'm no longer a golfer. I used to be, but just haven't found the time the last decade. I love to meet a golfer though, because I almost always know another golfer. The same is true with people who fish, hunt, crochet, play cards or are amateur chefs.

Common seasons - If you are a parent of older children, do you remember the days of endless diapers and sleepless nights? We do, but not as well as someone experiencing it today does. I love connecting new parents together. Of course, we do some of this through the programs and Bible studies of the church, but this is also a way to connect people who haven't yet "connected" to the church. Widows and widowers of the church are in a different season of life. One specific season where I've connected people is new empty-nesters. I'm familiar with this one and it is hard adjusting to this season, which makes it a great connecting point.

Common goals - This is where two or more people have a specific goal in mind they want to achieve. It could be to run a marathon, to write a book, or to learn to fly a plane. Recently I connected two women who were both trying to memorize the book of Philippians. (I'm so impressed by people who can do this.) One was a young mother and one was a grandmother. I knew they needed to know each other, and I didn't think it a coincidence I had just heard each of them express this goal at separate times within the span of a few days. They began meeting together regularly and formed a wonderful bond and love for one another.

Of course, huge in making this happen is getting to know people - asking questions - listening for the things which are important to them and remembering some of those details. And, this has to be developed with discipline and time. It's one way I remember people - even in a large church - is by the things I learn about them.

Pastors and ministry leaders, I cannot tell you how powerful and rewarding this has been for my ministry. To see people form lasting friendships and grow in their walk with Christ - knowing the connection I made helped it happen - is such an honor and blessing. And, again, while you are looking for commonalities, this is actually a way to build diversity into your church. I highly recommend the intentionality - and it does take intentionality!

What are other similar interests you have seen where you can connect people?

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The Value of Connecting People and 7 Common Connecting Points

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One thing which has always come naturally to me and I love doing is connecting people with similar interests. I believe this is one of the best ways within the Body of Christ where "iron sharpens iron".

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Examples of connection

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Top 10 examples of connecting people with nature

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By Colleen Wearn For EDUC 302 at Stanford University

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What is Connection?

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What is the meaning of deep, unspoken connections with people?

Answer: Sometimes we have an intuitive connection with people without even saying a word. This can be a déjà vu, when you feel like you know someone and the connection is more like a reunion. "Déjà Vu" is a common intuitive experience that has happened to many of us. The expression is derived from the French, meaning "already seen." When it occurs, it seems to spark our memory of a place we have already been, a person we have already seen, or an act we have already done. It is a signal to pay special attention to what is taking place, perhaps to receive a specific lesson in a certain area or complete what is not yet finished. However, with these connections, it is very important to determine if the other person reciprocates. You can sense that you are kindred spirits but this must go further than just potential. For good friendships to work, someone's loving, respectful behavior towards you must back up the sense of connection. If the connection is real, but not actualized, keep moving towards nurturing supportive people. If the connection is mutual, these are precious friendships that can endure through hard times and good. Read my book, Second Sight to learn more about déjà vu and developing your intuition.

Best regards,
Judith

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What is the meaning of deep, unspoken connections with people?

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Sometimes we have an intuitive connection or déjà vu with people without even saying a word. Learn more about the meaning of déjà vu from my book, Second Sight.

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Synonyms and Antonyms

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31 synonyms of connect from the Merriam-Webster Thesaurus, plus 43 related words, definitions, and antonyms. Find another word for connect.

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What is Storytelling?

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Types of storytellers

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In his forthcoming book, The Storyteller's Secret, Carmine Gallo reveals why some ideas catch on and others don't. He explains how top storytellers from Richard Branson to Malala Yousafzai do what they do best: build brands, inspire change and spark movements. Gallo has studied the greatest TED speakers, business legends and entrepreneurs and has identified five different types of storytellers, each with unique strengths that help them spread their ideas and inspire audiences to act.

Take a look at Carmine's prezi below to learn more about the five different types of storytellers, or continue reading. What type of storyteller are you?

1. Storytellers who ignite our inner fire.

These are the people who inspire us to dream bigger by teaching us to reframe our internal narrative. Steve Jobs, one of the world's greatest business storytellers of all time, once asked, "What makes your heart sing?" The answer to that question is the foundation upon which all great stories are built-you cannot inspire others until you feel inspired yourself.

Storytellers who inspire us to dream bigger have almost always faced struggle and adversity. Their stories of tension and triumph ignite our inner fire because struggle is a part of nature. If you've overcome adversity in your life, in your career, in your business, it's important to share that story because we are hardwired to love rags-to-riches stories. And we love to hear them because we need to hear them. Embrace your history, because it's the stuff from which legends are made and legacies are left.

2. Storytellers who educate.

These are the men and women who offer a new way of looking at the world. Aristotle, the Greek philosopher, identified three components of persuasion: Pathos (persuading through emotion and stories), Logos (appealing to reason through facts and data), and Ethos (establishing the credibility of the speaker).

Successful educators use a combination of all three, but lean more heavily on Pathos. For example, human rights attorney Bryan Stevenson received TED's longest standing ovation. Personal stories made up 65 percent of Stevenson's now famous TED talk. Twenty-five percent fell under logos-data. And the remaining 10 percent fell into the category of ethos. Effective educators use data to support their ideas, but they rely on stories to move people to action.

These are often entrepreneurs, who rely heavily on their ability to explain complex ideas simply, clearly, and concisely in order to woo investors, employees, and customers. Richard Branson is a great example of a storyteller who simplifies; he once said, "If your pitch can't fit on the back of an envelope, it's rubbish."

Tesla Founder Elon Musk is another example. In one presentation, Musk introduced a home battery that stores sunlight and converts it to energy. The entire presentation lasted less than 20 minutes, and Musk used short, simple words to describe the problem and his solution. He also introduced the language of narrative with a villain and a hero. For example, on one slide, he showed a smokestack and said the problem is that most of the world's energy is created with fossil fuels. The next slide showed a picture of the sun, and he said, "This is the solution. It's called the sun. It shows up every day and just works." Simple, effective, irresistible.

4. Storytellers who motivate.

These are inspiring individuals, of course, and they're also leaders who built massive brands like Southwest Airlines, Whole Foods, Starbucks, or Wynn Resorts. "Storytelling has changed my business and my life," says Las Vegas hotel mogul Steve Wynn. Wynn believes that storytelling taps into the strongest force in the universe-self esteem. At the beginning of every shift at Wynn hotels, a supervisor asks, "Does anyone have a story about a great customer experience they'd like to share?" The stories serve to educate the rest of the team on model behaviors. More importantly, these stories motivate employees, because customer service heroes are recognized by their peers. Pretty soon employees compete for better stories. Public recognition is a powerful motivator.

KPMG, the fastest growing of the Big Four accounting firms, conducted an internal study of thousands of managers and employees and found that "A workforce motivated by a strong sense of higher purpose is essential to engagement." And how were managers taught to create this higher purpose? Through storytelling. After creating a storytelling culture at KPMG, turnover plummeted, morale skyrocketed, and profits soared. Great stories build great culture.

5. Storytellers who launch movements.

Behind every movement, there's a great storyteller. Whether it's Martin Luther King fighting for civil rights, Sheryl Sandberg encouraging women in the workplace to "lean in," or Malala Yousafzai advocating for girls' education, one person can trigger a movement.

Remarkably, storytellers who change the world are often inspired themselves by the storytellers who came before them. Malala Yousafzai, the youngest winner of the Nobel Peace Prize, grew up in a storytelling family. Malala's grandfather was famous for his sermons and Malala recalls that people would come from far and wide to hear her father tell stories. Malala entered public speaking competitions where she learned to deliver her message from the heart rather than from a sheet of paper, she once said. A bullet nearly ended Malala's life, but the art of storytelling has become her most powerful weapon in the war of ideas.

Walt Disney once said, "Storytellers instill hope again and again and again." A story can change the world. Isn't it time you shared yours?

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The 5 Types of Storytellers, According to Communication Expert Carmine Gallo | Prezi Blog

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In his forthcoming book, The Storyteller's Secret, Carmine Gallo reveals why some ideas catch on and others don't. He explains how top storytellers from Richard Branson to Malala Yousafzai do what they do best: build brands, inspire change and spark movements. Gallo has studied the greatest TED speakers, business legends and entrepreneurs and has identified ...

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Whats your story?

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emotional storytelling

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As I've covered in a previous post, storytelling in marketing is a powerful tool. In fact, our brains will invent stories, even when there is no actual story present. However, there's more to good content marketing than good storytelling.

One of my colleagues recently attended Content Marketing World and shared ideas from a keynote presentation by Andrew Davis.

Davis said that most marketers are like Ptolemy, with their company serving as the Earth in the center of the universe. While it may be easy to think "me, me, me," Davis recommends we would do well to take a tip from Galileo and remember that we are not, in fact, the center of the universe.

As content marketers, one of our greatest tools is empathy - in other words, putting ourselves in our customer or audience's position.

Once you understand what your customer needs or desires, use these storytelling techniques (the following four points were suggested by Davis in his keynote) to strengthen your approach to marketing your business and to drive growth.

1. Build suspense
Davis recommends asking yourself: "Is there inherent suspense in the story I'm telling?"
Good stories make us care about people or a situation. Your job is to find a story we will care about, and then make us worry about what's going to happen next. Good marketing tells us a compelling story by capturing our attention and making us eager for more. What might this look like in real life?
Let's pretend that you're a loan officer. A few weeks ago, a young mother named Sarah contacted me about qualifying for a mortgage. She's divorced with two young children. She's rebuilding her credit after a difficult divorce, and she has some extra challenges because she's self-employed. She needs to prove that she has enough income to qualify for the home she wants.
2. Foster aspiration
For part two, Davis recommends asking: "What does my audience aspire to do or be?"
What do your customers dream about? For most loan officers, their clients aspire to buy a home in which they can make memories, raise a family and create a sanctuary for busy lives. Figure out what your customers aspire to do or be and tell a story that reflects that aspiration.
Sarah has found the perfect home for her family. It is beautiful and spacious enough for her two kids to grow into teenagers. It's in a great school district, and it's located near their father's home, which would make their shared custody easier for everyone.
3. Drive empathy
For number three, Davis recommends asking: "Can I get my audience to feel/relate to what I'm talking about?"
For our loan officer, many of his clients have played the waiting game to see if they would qualify for a mortgage. For some, self-employment or divorce can complicate approval. For others, a period of unemployment or a financial mistake made when young can come back to haunt credit for years. Other clients could easily relate to Sarah. And everyone loves an underdog story.
Sarah's business is doing well, but the first loan officer she went to did not understand how to properly evaluate her personal and business tax returns. He told her she wouldn't be able to qualify for the mortgage, which meant she wouldn't be able to buy the perfect home for her family.
4. Harness emotion
For step four, Davis recommends that you ask yourself: "Can I inspire my audience enough to go and take action?"
Our loan officer has shared a compelling story, fostered aspiration, and made us feel empathy for his client. Now it's time for him to use that goodwill to encourage action and let that story be the emotional link between him and his future clients.
Sarah thought this home was out of her reach, until she heard that I have experience with self-employed clients. I understand how to evaluate income and tax returns, and I was able to help Sarah prove she had the income to qualify for her mortgage. If you're having a hard time like Sarah, please get in touch to see how I can help you.
With a story in place that uses strong emotional triggers, a good loan officer could do great things for branding and marketing his business. He could let Sarah tell her story through a video interview and post it to his website. He could, with her permission, tell her story through his blog and share her success with the world. There are plenty of ways to make this story work for your business, but you have to get out there and tell it.

While your customer service and expertise may spread great word of mouth for you, don't forget that you have another excellent source to draw on: your clients. Share compelling stories to connect with your potential customers, and you'll inspire them to move from reading a story to participating in one. You will shift from mere storytelling to story making.

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4 Emotional Elements That Are Vital to Storytelling in Marketing

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Storytelling in marketing is a strong way to brand your business, but it's the emotional elements that trigger brand loyalty and empathy.

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Why do we need to tell stories?

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What is it about stories, anyway?

Anthropologists tell us that storytelling is central to human existence. That it's common to every known culture. That it involves a symbiotic exchange between teller and listener -- an exchange we learn to negotiate in infancy.

Just as the brain detects patterns in the visual forms of nature -- a face, a figure, a flower -- and in sound, so too it detects patterns in information. Stories are recognizable patterns, and in those patterns we find meaning. We use stories to make sense of our world and to share that understanding with others. They are the signal within the noise.

So powerful is our impulse to detect story patterns that we see them even when they're not there.

In a landmark 1944 study, 34 humans -- Massachusetts college students actually, though subsequent research suggests they could have been just about anyone -- were shown a short film and asked what was happening in it. The film showed two triangles and a circle moving across a two-dimensional surface. The only other object onscreen was a stationary rectangle, partially open on one side.

Only one of the test subjects saw this scene for what it was: geometric shapes moving across a plane. Everyone else came up with elaborate narratives to explain what the movements were about. Typically, the participants viewed the triangles as two men fighting and the circle as a woman trying to escape the bigger, bullying triangle. Instead of registering inanimate shapes, they imagined humans with vivid inner lives. The circle was "worried." The circle and the little triangle were "innocent young things." The big triangle was "blinded by rage and frustration."

But if stories themselves are universal, the way we tell them changes with the technology at hand. Every new medium has given rise to a new form of narrative. In Europe, the invention of the printing press and movable type around 1450 led to the emergence of periodicals and the novel. The invention of the motion picture camera around 1890 set off an era of feverish experimentation that led to the development of feature films by 1910. Television, invented around 1925, gave rise a quarter-century later to I Love Lucy and the highly stylized form of comedy that became known as the sitcom.

As each of these media achieved production and distribution on an industrial scale, we saw the emergence of 20th-century mass media: newspapers, magazines, movies, music, TV. And with that, there was no role left for the consumer except to consume.

Then, just as we'd gotten used to consuming sequential narratives in a carefully prescribed, point-by-point fashion, came the internet. The internet is the first medium that can act like all media -- it can be text, or audio or video, or all of the above. It's nonlinear, thanks to the world wide web and the revolutionary convention of hyperlinking. It's inherently participatory -- not just interactive, in the sense that it responds to your commands, but an instigator constantly encouraging you to comment, to contribute, to join in.

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The Art of Immersion: Why Do We Tell Stories?

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What is it about stories, anyway? Anthropologists tell us that storytelling is central to human existence. That it's common to every known culture. That it involves a symbiotic exchange between teller and listener - an exchange we learn to negotiate in infancy. Just as the brain detects patterns in the visual forms of nature - [...]

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Things you should know about storytelling

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Earlier this month, I launched a series of articles about the art, science, and ethics of storytelling (this is the fifth installment in the series). The objective is to share key insights gathered from my studies and work in the field with clients in both civic and commercialarenas. I am thinking of the output as the building blocks for a curriculum, or short chapters for a book, on what I've come to regard as humanity's greatest but also most dangerous communications tool, especially in the digital era. But if this series were to become the foundation for a book, chapter one would be today's post, which outlines the top eleven things that people should know about storytelling, whether or not they are communication professionals.

I would have chosen just ten things on which to focus. But in a nod to Nigel Tufnel, and the power of small odd prime numbers, this article "goes to eleven."
1. Stories began tribally. We are culturally wired.
As I have noted throughout this series and in other articles, stories predate writtenhistory. According to some scholars -- based on what they know about indigenous cultures -- stories in part assisted with the indoctrination of younger members of the tribe by having them tell, in their own words, the stories of the tribe. Assuming that this story and other stories about stories are true (see principle #3 to see why weshouldbe concerned) -- the tribal origin of stories should be top of mind when practicing storytelling. Stories can unite people, but they can also divide. That said, there's an interesting, and largely positive, aspectoftribal storytelling that might help us compensate for its shortcomings (I'll return to that at the end of this article).
2. We are physically wired, too.
This was the topic of the fourth installment in the series, entitled, "This Is Your Brain On Storytelling," where I look at organic chemicals such as cortisol, dopamine, and oxytocin and effect they have on us when we follow a story. I note how these and other compounds (I call them drugs) might effectively guide people down the so-called marketing funnel fromattentionto arousal to action. That said, the young science of neurochemistry has led to flimsy and unsavory marketing practices. In the spirit of the scientific method, I advise readers to approach the topic with a critical mind.
3. Stories can be truth-neutral.
Joseph Campbell, the famous scholar of comparative mythology, observed that stories need not be factually true to be effective as long as they resonate asemotionallytruthful. That's one thing that makes them so powerfuldangerous. One kind of danger: the power that story has to distract us from facts that don't quite fit the story arc. In my article about story and neurochemistry,overlooks contradictory or conflicting information whenever possible." But there's a more nefarious kind of danger: the intentional use of story to obscure facts, I quote a physicianwho describes how the brain, "seeking its dopamine reward ... deny facts, and posit outright falsehoods. This is a clear and present danger in the current era, and it's the inspiration for this series.
4. Stories are solutions-based.
In professional contexts -- for example, in branding and positioning -- the story-based approach for developing "messaging" has great value because of its focus on describing both the problem and solution the customer is facing. The focus is guaranteed because of the basic structure of a story: act I (quest), act II (conflict), act III (resolution). With the story-based approach to positioning, the challenge for businesses shifts from deciding which product features to highlight to articulating the relevant problem they are solving, and how.
5. Stories can create perceived value (and valuation).
And here's a related principle: stories can help businesses and other organizations create value -- and valuation. Again, it's a structural thing: between act II (conflict) and act III (resolution) is where the perceived value of the product is created. Why? Because the bigger the problem, the bigger the perceived value of the solution in the eyes of customers. And if the corporate storyteller is a startup, the same exercise might help increase the perceived valuation of the company in the eyes of its ultimate customer: the company that will someday acquire the startup.
6. Stories are always about transformation.
A number of storytellers disagree with this -- notably, the great filmmaker Werner Herzog. To make his point, Herzog gives an example from his own work: the crazed anti-hero in "Aguirre, The Wrath of God," who, Herzog argues, is just as bad at the end of the film as he is at the beginning. I agree. In fact, Aguirre is worse at the end of the film. But one can argue that Aguirre's descent into hell on earth is a transformation of another kind. Just as value is created between the second and fact, the hero of the story always changes.

In most professional contexts, the hero is always transformed for the better (no surprise). A great example, from Silicon Valley: experience the Sequoia Capita l web site -- the digital home of the iconic venture capital firm -- which uses an interactive home page to honor the entrepreneurs who went on to become the titans of tech (people like Apple's Steve Jobs, Oracle's Larry Ellison, and Google's Sergey Brin and Larry Page).
7. Stories can come in any length, in any kind of media.
The next three principles speak to the profound a story can be as short as a slogan or a six-second Google 'bumper ad', or as long as a serialized novel or TV show (an interconnected plasticity ofstory. A story can be told in any media and at any length. As long as it has story structure --quest, conflict, resolution, leading to transformation -- series of stories). While these shorter forms of story haveeluded many marketers, some of the greatest marketers have made their mark embracing the shorter forms. Reflect on the power of slogans like Nike's "Just do it" (three words), Obama's "Yes, we can" (three words), and Apple's "Think different" (just two words). Each of these phrases -- known to so many people -- moves the audience fromquest, conflict, and resolution by minimizing the story content and masking some of its elements by making them implied.
8. Stories connect people across great divides by shrinking space and time.
The great 20th-century Canadian communications theorist Harold Innis (mentor to the better-known Marshall McLuhan) wrote that fundamentally there are two types of media. First, there'smedia that is space-binding, shrinking the physical world by connecting people across geographical boundaries (similar in concept to McLuhan's "global village"). Second, there's media that is time-binding -- shrinking time by connecting people across historical boundaries (think art, history, and stories about the destiny of a people). This second type of media is perhaps more powerful yet seldom used by organizations and movements that might leverage the past in their storytelling. But with the fast-growing number of institutions that are struggling to be relevant in the 21st century, I believe that time-binding storytelling is the next frontier of communications.
9. Stories can morph into shared stories and lead to competing narratives.
In 2012, I collaborated with Deloitte's John Hagel and Suketu Gandhi on an articleabout the communication challenges facing the modern CEO. We tooktimeto explain the difference between a single personal story and the aggregation of shared stories, which sometimes goes by the name of narrative. A narrative can empower a business by enabling its stakeholders to relate to a common cause; think of the wide world of Apple enthusiasts who have vowed to forever "think different." A narrative can also embolden citizens from different factions, and different walks of life, to rally behind a socially common cause. In either case -- commercial or civic -- narratives that are strong tend to invite competition. Example: the mostly dystopian social narrative about artificial intelligence (AI), championed today by many influential people, including Elon Musk. In the other corner is a mostly utopian narrative about AI, championed today by many influential people, including Mark Zuckerberg. When speaking with clients who have shown an interest in this kind of meta marketing, I've shared this rule of thumb: a narrative that is affirmative has a long-term advantage if it can be designed to give people something constructive to do rather than just something to oppose.
10.The most powerful and dangerous narratives are aboutinevitability.
Ok, now imagine you have a narrative -- connecting a large number of people -- that traverses both space and time, and that is coupled with the interesting notion that the resolution of the story is guaranteed. An obvious example: a religion where the end of the story is pre-ordained. It's easy to see why how the pitfalls ofstory can cause big trouble here. But it may be surprisingto hear that the concept of inevitability is quite common in other worlds, including technology marketing. How this works: astartupintuits that it is part of a trend that appears to be unstoppable. By aligning with the trend, and by preparing to help lead it -- hiring the best people, developing a great solution -- the startup cancreatethe perception that it too is unstoppable. That might not be enough to win the hearts and minds of investors. But if the story is well told, it might be enough to get a few meetings.
11. The big return -- recovering what was lost.
OK, so we covered how stories originated in earlier times, and how that's both good and bad. And we covered how we are physically wired for story, which is also both good and bad. With that perspective, we looked at the elements of storycraft, and how the rules of the craft can be applied across different media, connecting people across geographical and historical divides. We then looked at how stories can metastasize into collective stories -- narratives -- and how these shared stories can be especially dangerous if not just powerful when anchored to the notion of inevitability.

Dark stuff, I'll admit, but don't mistake me for a pessimist. I'm actually hoping to contribute to a positive counter-narrative about the story ofstorytelling,and I'm taking inspiration from one of the features of tribal storytelling which has largely been ignored by modern marketers. In a recent blog post for Medium, a friend and colleague of mine wrote about the interactive nature of primitive storytelling, where the storyteller engaged with listeners in a format that resembles "call and response" in later times. I touched briefly on this topic a few articles ago, noting that the practice -- which you can witness today in Baptist church services, Alcoholics Anonymous, Weight Watchers -- has "the effect of making the experience more engaging ... and of keeping the storyteller more grounded, more honest." The question is, how do you bring back "call and response" in the modern era and keep the digital storyteller more honest?

My view: a big modern problem deserves a big modern solution. In my next post, I will explore the new tools that have emerged to aid and protect modern storytellers and well as everyone they are trying to engage.

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Eleven Things You Should Know About Storytelling, Humanity's Greatest But Most Dangerous Tool

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The top eleven things that people should know about storytelling, whether or not they are communication professionals. In the age of big content and fake news, we all need to become more story literate.

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Why is storytelling important?

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Why is storytelling important? What would you say to inspire, provoke, or dissuade young storytellers?

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Answer (1 of 20): Introduction Storytelling is what connects us to our humanity. It is what links us to our past, and provides a glimpse into our future. Since humans first walked the earth, they have told stories, before even the written word or oral language. Through cave drawings and over fi...

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How being empathetic can change your life

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This article is not meant to diagnose or provide medical advice-that responsibility lies with physicians.

As a clinical and counseling psychologist, I've often witnessed people's struggle to lead happier, more fulfilling, less anxious lives. Although empathy is normally viewed as a way of helping others, which it certainly is, it has an even more important function.

By definition, empathy is the ability to appreciate and understand the feelings and experiences of another. That does not mean that you agree or even like the other person, but rather that you can put yourself in their shoes, even when your viewpoints clash.

But it is more powerful than you think; empathy can optimize your personal and professional potential.

Admittedly, bringing empathy into your everyday life may seem slightly overwhelming. It's important not to put too much pressure on yourself and practice self-empathy above all. Don't expect to wake up tomorrow and suddenly rush empathy into everything you do. That would be stressful and counterproductive. Instead, try to take small, meaningful steps and be mindful of the way you address yourself, others and your tasks. That's how you allow empathy to seep into your life and make a difference.

Below you will find information and advice, backed up by scientific research, to help you incorporate empathy into your life. Please bear in mind that this article has strictly informative purposes and for therapy of any kind, it is recommended that you meet with a mental health specialist.

1. Empathy and Your Physical Health

Psychosomatization, or the physical manifestation of mental distress, may lead to prolonged suffering. You probably know at least one person who has been struggling with a physical illness for years, while doctors can't seem to find any rational explanation. Obviously, this is frustrating and extremely painful. Often the reason stems from negative emotions, which have been suppressed. In other words-psychosomatization. However, empathy acts as a preventative measure, as it allows you to release, rather than block your emotions, and connect your inner world to those of others. Therefore, it prevents you from keeping your negativity bottled up and promotes physical health.

2. Empathy and Your Psychological Well-being

A study conducted by the University of Wisconsin demonstrated the correlation between empathy and positive attitudes toward oneself, others and life events. People who work to improve their empathy reported experiencing less negative emotions, such as resentment and anger. Naturally, when you experience fewer unsettling emotions, your happy experiences dominate. In that way, setting off to increase your empathetic tendencies is also a leap toward a healthier state of mind.

3. Empathy and Coping

The higher your level of empathy, the easier it is to cope with life's ups and downs. For instance, people who care for older adults on a regular basis, feel less stressed, tired and anxious if they score high on empathy, according to a study conducted at Georgia State University. At first, it may seem counterintuitive that taking on others' emotional experience leads to lower, rather than higher levels of distress. However, the natural human response to stress is to focus in on the threat. In contrast, empathy is about focusing on the entire situation, its meaning and implications, as well as another person's experience of it. Therefore, your focus shifts away from the perceived threat, and onto a more extensive, comprehensive perspective. Once you broaden your horizon, it becomes significantly easier to cope with difficulties, as you have a wider range of solutions at your disposal.

4. Empathy and Bonding

One of the main characteristics of empathy is that it increases one's intrinsic motivation to reduce suffering. Therefore, it makes people kinder, more cooperative, flexible and understanding, which is why it is a great tool for forging strong relationships. Using knowledge of the common parenting styles, I can conclude that empathy as a parenting style, for instance, decreases deviant behavior in children, while promoting emotional stability, scholarly and professional successes. People who have more empathy also tend to be more satisfied with their romantic relationships, according to the Georgia State University study. Partners are less likely to hold grudges and seek revenge. Instead, they prefer to forgive and build mutual trust. What is more, during stressful periods in life, empathetic partners provide more effective support and are thus more likely to build a long-lasting compassionate bond, a study from The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology reported.

5. Empathy and Your Professional Life

Although a work setting is often associated with cutthroat behavior, empathy is actually more effective. Since it enhances your ability to connect to others, empathy also increases cooperativeness between individuals. Some professionals, such as instructors and physicians, will often find that their efforts become more fruitful whenever empathy plays a part. For instance, patients who perceive their doctor as empathetic are more likely to follow the prescription they've been given, according to a study published in The Journal of the American Board of Family Practice (JABFP). When it comes to negotiations, empathy leads to more significant gains for both parties, compared to non-empathizing discussions, found a study published in Psychological Science.

Liya Panayotova is a clinical and counseling psychologist, with interests in the cognitive-behavioral sciences. Her experience includes working with anxiety, depression, difficult relationships, addiction, motivation, children, grief and many more.

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5 surprising ways empathy can change your life

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5 Surprising Ways Empathy Can Change Your Life

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Empathy is more powerful than you think. Learn to optimize your personal and professional potential with this mental health tips.

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How empathy can make you happy

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Can a better understanding of the experiences and concerns of others make you happier? Maia Szalavitz, author of Born for Love: Why Empathy is Essential - and Endangered, explains.
Q: What is empathy?
A: Empathy has two parts, a mental part and an emotional part. The mental part is the ability to put yourself in the mind of another, to see the world through someone else's eyes. The emotional part is caring about what the other person feels and experiences. Sociopaths have the mental type of empathy, but not the emotional aspect; they can take other people's perspectives but they use this skill to manipulate and hurt them, not to help. People with autism often have problems with the mental type of empathy; they have difficulty with perspective-taking, but once they realize that other people have different thoughts and feelings, they can care very deeply about them and can sometimes even be overwhelmed by empathy.

Q: How does empathy develop?

A: Empathy develops as parents nurture their babies and teach them how to cope with stress. It starts with the basic ability we have to mirror each other's feelings: when baby smiles, Mom smiles and baby smiles back and so on. Through these interactions, children learn about how they feel themselves and how that affects others and vice versa. However, if parents neglect their babies or don't respond to their smiles, the development of empathy can be impaired: most people who become sociopathic have serious histories of abuse and neglect. If parents aren't responsive to their children - and I don't mean perfectly responsive, no one can be - children can fail to learn that pleasing other people is rewarding and being pleased is rewarding, which means you miss some of the greatest joys in life, which involve relationships.

Q: Why is empathy at risk on a social level?

A: Over the course of history, empathy has generally tended to increase. Obviously, there are huge exceptions but, for example, we don't torture cats or people for entertainment any more, though many people still enjoy simulated violence. But since empathy requires deep relational interactions, when parents don't have the emotional support of a strong social network, they will get stressed and stressed parents tend to be less empathetic. So, loss of contact with extended family, reductions in the numbers of friends people have, increased divorce without extra support for single parents - all of these things can reduce the ability of parents to teach empathy. Also, babies can't learn empathy from video screens and they spend more and more time in front of them, rather than interacting with people. Free, unstructured time for social play has also declined. Many aspects of today's lifestyle aren't friendly to the development of empathy.

Q: How is empathy related to personal happiness?

A: Most of our joys are relational: you could be the richest person in the world but if you have no friends or family or partner to share that with, you won't be very happy. Most people think about empathy as feeling each other's pain but if you can feel someone else's pleasure, you are a much happier person in general because it simply brings more joy into your life. It's hard to say whether a person is happier if they are understanding someone or feeling understood. But if you can't empathize, you can't have loving relationships and if you can't have these, it's extremely difficult to be happy.

Q: What's your advice for anyone who wants to foster greater empathy?

A: Simply pay attention to others. It's harder than you think. A lot of the time, we're tuned out and worried and paying attention to iPhones or whatever. If you really listen to someone else, you give a tremendous gift to them and you get better at reading other people's signals and you just feel better. Massage and physical contact in general are also good at increasing empathy. In Western society we tend to be somewhat starved of physical affection. Spend time with babies; there are few things better than a baby's smile and babies are some of the greatest teachers of empathy because their emotional signals are so clear.

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How empathy can make you happier - Chatelaine

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Most people think about empathy as feeling each other's pain but if you can feel someone else's pleasure, you are a much happier person in general because it simply brings more joy into your life.

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How empathetic are you ?

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How well can you read other people’s feelings?

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How to be empathetic?

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"You never have the patience just to sit and listen." "All you ever want to do is try to fix things." "You just don't understand how much it hurt when you said that." "You just don't get it." Judgments like these and countless others verbalized or thought in the context of interpersonal relationships often point to one popular problem: the lack of empathy for the other. This blog will clarify the nature of empathy, and why it is so important, and gives you nine practical guidelines for addressing this block to successful interpersonal relationships.

Empathy is a condition of functional interpersonal relationships. In personal contexts, including marriages, partnerships, friendships, and parental relationships, as well as in professional contexts such as managerial, professional-client, student-teacher, and peer relationships, being empathetic to the situations of others can promote trust, leading to open and honest communication, thereby facilitating resolution of interpersonal conflicts and constructive change. Indeed, the recent work on emotional intelligence undertaken by Daniel Goleman suggests that emotional intelligence, one's emotional quotient (EQ), which includes empathy as a central component, may sometimes be more important than one's intelligence quotient (IQ). The early research conducted by Carl Rogers on the importance of empathy in building trust in psychotherapeutic as well as other interpersonal relationships, has even set the stage for development of self-report inventories designed to measure one's empathy quotient (EQ).

However, there is considerable disagreeable about what exactly is being measured and what you can do to improve your empathetic prowess. There are some researchers who view empathy as an emotional response to another person's emotional state; whereas cognitive accounts proceed primarily or exclusively in terms of understanding another person's state of mind. These extremes, however, fail to capture the idea that empathy involves both affective and cognitive components. In this blog, I will provide such a mixed account with the primary goal of telling you how you can be empathetic. So what is empathy?
The Virtue of Being Empathetic
First, it is important to distinguish between empathy as a state of mind and empathy as a character trait or disposition. The first is related to the second inasmuch as those who are empathetic as one of their character traits will tend to experience states of empathy in their relating to the plights of others.

As a state of mind, empathy involves resonating with what is going on in the subjective world of another. Let's call the person with whom you empathize, the target of your empathy. Now, when you empathize with someone, not only do we know what the target is going through, you also feel it, although, as Rogers would say, "without losing the "as if" quality, that is, without losing your objectivity as an observer. So, a friend of yours just lost her mother; and, while you may not have lost a parent, you can still empathize; for you can know what it might be like to lose a parent-you can imagine the harsh reality of not ever being able to see, confide in, or experience the love and support of someone who has played such a major role in your life. So you can imagine what it might be like to lose your own parent even if you have never had the actual experience. This is what it means "to put yourself in the shoes of the other person." And so doing can also lead you to emotionally appreciate the loss as if it had occurred to you-again, without losing this "as if" quality. The emotional response here will include the somatic sensations that might normally accompany the loss of a beloved, such as a hollow pit in your stomach, lump in your throat, and teary-eyes. You will then also have certain behavioral tendencies associated with such sadness, such as the tendency to want to do something to fix the situation, along with the blunt realization that nothing can ever be done to change the brute fact of the beloved's death.

Yet some people do not seem to resonate very well with the experiences of others. While they may understand their circumstances, they may not have the requisite emotional response. Still other people may lack the understanding of what a person may be going through as well. Indeed, some of us may be said to be more empathetic than others, which means that some are prone to empathize more often than others.

Notice that in saying that some people are more empathetic, I do not mean that some people have higher quality experiences of empathy than others. As a personality trait, empathy is more like being pregnant than it is like being overweight. People are not more or less pregnant. They are pregnant or not. In contrast, people can be more or less overweight. Being empathetic does not admit of degrees. Either you are being empathetic or not. To the extent that you lack any of the requisite cognitive, emotional or behavioral components of empathy, you lack empathy. Thus the person who feels emotionally distraught over someone else's bad news does not empathize if he or she really doesn't understand or appreciate what the bad news really is; and conversely, the person who knows and appreciates what has happened but just doesn't feel it, also lacks empathy. So the question of how to be more empathetic turns on the question about how to more often attain the cognitive, behavioral, and emotional synergy that is involved in empathy.

Notice too that empathy is not merely a laundry list of independent cognitive, behavioral, and emotional variables; it is a balance of such factors such that one is thinking, feeling, and behaviorally inclined in ways that are mutually supportive. Thus, there is interplay between these factors. Thus, the thought of your friend in such emotional pain, prompts your own painful sensations, and these feelings, in turn, inform and transform your thoughts, particularly your rating or evaluation of what happened ("How can this be! Such a good person should have to suffer like this!")

Moreover, people who may properly be said to be empathetic are people who tend to be empathetic. That is, empathizing on occasion no more makes someone an empathetic person than does telling the truth on occasion make someone truthful. For, an empathetic person, like the truthful person, is in a habit of being empathetic. That is, when others are suffering, they tend to experience empathy for their plights. This does not mean that empathetic people must always feel empathy in such cases any more than truthful people must always tell the truth. However, when lack of empathic regard becomes more the rule than the exception, then it is clear that the person in question is not habitually disposed toward empathy.

Further, the analogy with being truthful is also revealing in another way. Empathy, like truthfulness, may appropriately be considered a moral virtue. According to Aristotle, moral virtues involve the balance of cognitive, behavioral, and emotional factors. The morally virtuous person is one who exercises rational constraint in the indulgences of appetites and actions. Likewise, an empathetic person applies her knowledge of the plights of others to inform her emotional responses to these situations, and acts in line with such enlightened emotions. For example, knowing how someone came to be homeless-the loss of a job, getting evicted from his apartment as a result of not being able to pay the rent, not having an address affecting his ability to find another job, etc.-can inform the sadness one experiences for the plight of the homeless person and can help motivate one to do something about it.

Now, Aristotle maintained that one attains virtue through practice. Thus people learn to be truthful, courageous, and just by telling the truth, doing courageous things, and treating others justly. Similarly, being empathetic takes practice. In order to become empathetic (that is, cultivate the virtue of empathy), you need to work at it by being empathetic.

So the question is this: How can you attain the virtue of empathy? In what follows I will venture an answer to this question, in the form of nine practical guidelines, gleaned from my life's journey, personally, academically, and clinically:
How to Be Empathetic: Nine Guidelines 1. Focus your attention on the welfare, interests, and needs of others
As said, there is a cognitive component to empathizing with another. That is, there is certain knowledge you must have to empathize with the other person. First, one does not simply empathize with another person; rather one empathizes with another about something. That which empathy is about may appropriately be called the subject of empathy. Now, the subject of empathy is always some event or state of affairs that is contrary to the welfare, interests, or needs of the target. By "welfare," I mean the promotion of happiness (pleasure and the absence of pain and suffering). By "interests," I mean seriously held desires, goals, and life plans, and rights. By "needs" I mean such things as food, clothing, and shelter. (nonphysical "needs" such as love, intimacy, freedom, autonomy, friendship, and belonging, I include under interests.). Any fact that affects or bears on the welfare, interests, and needs of others also counts as pertinent knowledge for the purposes of empathizing.

Thus, if you know that another has lost a loved one, this fact counts as pertinent knowledge; but also, if you know that the beloved was killed by a drunk driver, then that fact is also relevant. Why? It's because this fact explain the loss. Indeed, the fact that this individual was struck down by such a random, needless, unanticipated act helps to illuminate just how traumatic the event must be for the target. So, the subject of empathy always consists of facts (or fact claims) about some event or state of affairs adverse to the welfare, interests, or needs of the target, including any facts (or fact claims) relevant to this adversity.
2. Key into shared human values
Such ability to key into the welfare, interests, and needs of others also requires the ability to take another's value perspective. For example, most of us can appreciate the hardship of losing a beloved family member. But what if the beloved family member is a pet, say a goldfish? Here, even if you, yourself, would not lament the death of a goldfish, you may still know what it feels like to lose someone whom you love, and so your powers of empathy may still extend to the target's loss. In a general sense, the subject of empathy in this case is about loss of a loved one, which is a shared human value. Similarly, one need not be gay to empathize with a gay person about a partner's sexual infidelity. Empathy thus involves the ability to key into shared human values across diverse interpersonal contexts and cultures.

This value dimension of empathizing is integral to the emotional component of empathy. In merely understanding the facts pertaining to the subject of empathy, one is not engaging in the subjective world of the target. One cannot feel what he is going through. To be empathetic, you must also "feel bad" about the target's plight. Here you are not simply entertaining facts; you are also rating or evaluating them. You are assessing the badness of what the target is going through-the suffering, the anguish of not being accepted by one's peers; the loss of a dear one; the painful realization that the love of one's life has been unfaithful; the fear of losing one's livelihood; the frustration of repeatedly having bad luck; and so on. To get to this place, you will need to identify with the misfortune in terms of the shared human values that are at stake. Here is where you put yourself in the shoes of the target and imagine how you too would feel if you were confronting the identical situation. From this phenomenological position, you are still not the other person but you nonetheless are (psychologically) there, confronting the same adversity. From this perspective, you can then appreciate what the target is going through, because you now share in the misfortune. Its badness is now evident to you from this shared, interpersonal, phenomenological perspective.
3. Suspend, temporarily, your own considered judgments and critiques
Pronouncements and clichés about getting over it and moving on will not bring you into proximity with the subjective world of the target. You will not feel the pain or distress; or the tension in your own muscles. To do this you must dispense with your own analyses and criticisms; and you must not focus on how to fix things. In this regard, empathy is anti-pragmatic. If you approach the target with an eye toward fixing what is wrong, then you will not share in the experience of what is (or appears to be) wrong. You will miss the opportunity to empathize. Moreover, people who are suffering may not even want their confidents to help fix anything-at least not just yet. They may simply want someone to know what they are going through. Fixing the problem can come later after empathy has helped to establish rapport and trust.

This does not mean that you must agree with or accept the perspective of the target or her value assessments; nevertheless, in the process of empathizing, you must dispense with your own ratings, analyses, evaluations, and critiques in order to gain subjective access to the subjective world of the target. Of course, this may be very difficult if the target's subjective world is perverse or evil. This is why most of us lack empathy for child molesters and mass murderers.
4. Connect with the target
Suspending your own value judgments, while putting yourself in the subjective shoes of the target, is essential to empathizing. This mental approach is what feminist psychologist Blythe Clinche calls " connected knowing." Clinche states,

The heart of connected knowing is imaginative attachment: trying to get behind the other person's eyes and "look at it from that person's point of view." ...You must suspend your disbelief, put your own views aside, try to see the logic in the idea. You need not ultimately agree with it. But while you are entertaining it you must..."say yes to it." You must empathize with it, feel with and think with the person who created it.

To gain such knowledge you must therefore bust your gut to see the truth in what the target is saying. "I can see how hard it has been for you to get over your ex; how much you still love her; I can appreciate how much you want to be back together and how the thought of her being with someone else is so hurtful." Here you are resonating with the values of the target. These values-unrequited love, jealousy, forlornness, and sense of disempowerment-- are shared human values. As such, you can "connect," at a human level," with the target by sharing in these values.

This contrasts what Clinche calls "separate knowing," which approaches the target with doubt and incredulity in order to disprove what he is saying. "I don't see how you can still love her after what she has done to you. What you need now is to get a good lawyer so that she doesn't take you to the cleaners." In taking the latter approach, you will not empathize; you will not get inside the subjective world of the target; you will instead analyze, critique, and dissect it from the outside. You will also probably alienate the other, who will, in turn, not want to disclose private, personal, and intimate details of his subjective life. However, in taking the former approach-that of connected knowing-you will gain access to the subjective world of the target because you will think and feel as if it were your subjective world. At the end of the day, you may not accept the target's thinking; however, you will have succeeded in exploring the details of such, and will have therefore attained a more enlightened perspective from which to analyze, critique, and offer advice or counsel.

Let me emphasize that separate and connected knowing are methodological approaches to knowing. As such, they each have value in their appropriate contexts. Separate knowing uses techniques such as devil's advocate and logical refutation. Its primary vehicle is logical argument. As such it is appropriate for engaging in critical thinking. In contrast, connected knowing is appropriate for empathizing. Its main vehicle is not argument but rather story telling. As Clinche expresses it,

Rather than trying to evaluate the perspective she is examining, she tries to understand it. Rather than asking, "Is it right?" she asks, "What does it mean?" When she asks, "Why do you think that?" she means, "What in your experience led you to that position?" and not "What evidence do you have to back that up?" She is looking for the story behind the idea. The voice of separate knowing is argument; the voice of connected knowing is narration.

Thus, to empathize, you should ask the target questions that facilitate the telling of a story. Open-ended questions like "What do you mean when you say you are a failure?" "Can you tell me more about how you felt when you were left out of the wedding party?" "What did she say when you told her how you felt?" do not judge or challenge what is being claimed; rather they prompt targets to develop their narratives in order to understand them better.
5. Use Reflection
Notice that the latter questions are open-ended, meaning that they cannot be answered with a yes or no. Such questions accordingly facilitate dialogue and therefore help to foster understanding. Additionally, a device that can further promote empathic understanding is that known as reflection. First introduced by psychologist Carl Rogers as a way to express empathetic understanding in the context of counseling, reflection involves attempting to clarify what another is saying by reflecting (not parroting) back what a target is thinking or feeling. "It sounds like you are feeling very disappointed by not having gotten a raise," "So, it appears that you are thinking that others are negatively judging you when you make a mistake." Such questions not only help to facilitate the target's development of her narrative as well demonstrate that she is being heard; they also help to engage one as a partner in exploring the subjective life of the target, thereby promoting greater clarity and understanding of the narrative. This can increase the potential for "connecting" and "getting inside" this subjective world rather than seeing it from an external point of view.
6. Listen to the Target
Reflection aims at enhancing the target's own understanding (as well as the understanding of the person who is reflecting) by keying into deeper meanings and implications embedded in the target's narrative. It is good if it does just that and poor if it does not add anything to what the target has already said. So saying "It sounds like you don't like your father" to one who has just said "I hate that son-of-a-bitch!" brings nothing to the table, either cognitively or emotionally. At most it is likely to be greeted with a "No duh." In contrast, the response, "It sounds like you feel your father was not there for you when you needed him" could open up new avenues for expanding the narrative. Indeed, even if the reflection is erroneous, it could still help to clarify things. But too many inaccurate reflections can also destroy the prospects for empathizing with the target. Listening carefully to the target's narrative is accordingly essential in producing useful reflections; for it is only by "active" listening (which includes asking open-ended questions as mentioned) that you are most likely to see inside the subjective world so as to capture deeper meanings and implications of what the target is saying. So, if you are in a habit of talking at or lecturing others, instead of listening to them, you are not likely to be empathetic, unless you make a concerted effort to overcome this habit.
7. Use self-disclosure as appropriate
One way to not listen carefully is to spend your time talking about yourself. Indeed, others are not likely to open up and share their private subjective worlds with you if they have little opportunity to discuss themselves and think that you are more interested in yourself than them. Nevertheless, self-disclosure can be a useful and powerful way of connecting with shared values when it is relevant and not excessive. Indeed, self-disclosure that brings your own subjective world in proximity to that of the target's can also embellish and enhance empathy. "I remember when my father told me I would never amount to anything; I know how bad it made me feel!" Here, self-disclosure of your own experiences can help to illuminate the target's anguish over having been rejected by his father. It can promote resonance between you and the target through expression of shared experiential encounters that engender shared, interpretations, interests, and values.
8. Properly distance yourself to and from the target's subjective world
Aristotle admonished us to seek "the golden mean" between excess and deficiency in matters related to the passions. For example, moral virtues such as courage avoid the extremes between cowardice and foolishness; friendliness avoids the extremes of rudeness and flattery; and temperance of insensibility and self-indulgence. Similarly, as a moral virtue, empathy can be seen as a mean between two extremes: that of being too distant from the subjective world of the target and too close to it. Indeed, if you are preoccupied with your own personal life issues then you are not likely to get close enough to the subjective world of the target to empathize with the target about her issues. On the other hand, if you become too personally involved in that subjective world, you will lose the Rogerian "as if"-thereby eviscerating the distinction between yourself and the other. Thus, the key to resonating with the target's subjective world is to avoid both extremes. Say you have gone through a messy divorce and are now listening to a friend who is going through a similar divorce. If you begin to see your friend's narrative as that of your own and begin to project your own emotions of anguish onto it, then your friend's subjective world becomes your own; you no longer have any ability to constructively relate to your friend's plight because it is your own. You are then lost in that world, ineptly drowning in it along with your friend. On the other hand, if you come at your friend's plight with a cold "get over it" and accordingly fail to connect with your friend, then you are too far from your friend's subjective world to be of much use. So what is the proper distance and how do you get there?

Here an analogy may prove useful. When you experience a work of art as art, you must take the right perspective. You can't be too personally involved in it and you can't be too impersonally related to it. Aesthetician Edward Bullough refers to this balance of personal involvement as " psychical distance" and maintains that what is "both in appreciation and production, most desirable is the utmost decrease of Distance without its disappearance." By this he means that both consumers of art as well as the artists themselves must strive to get as close personally to the object or process of art up to the point where getting any more personally involved would destroy their ability to see the object or process as distinct from their own personal life situation. For example, he tells us to imagine a life-threatening fog at sea, and then, at that point just before we are overcome by terror, we put the phenomenon "out of gear with our practical, actual self; by allowing it to stand outside the context of our personal needs and ends - in short, by looking at it 'objectively,' ..." So that the veil surrounding you, "blurring the outline of things and distorting their shapes into weird grotesqueness" becomes a thing of beauty rather than something about to devour and annihilate you. Such an objectifying of the emotional experience is not, however, depersonalized. "Distance," states Bullough, "does not imply an impersonal, purely intellectually interested relation... On the contrary, it describes a personal relation, often highly emotionally coloured, but of a peculiar character. Its peculiarity lies in that the personal character of the relation has been, so to speak, filtered."

As applied to empathetic distance, the same filter applies. For example, your adult child tells you how she is unhappily married and how her husband is self-centered and insensitive; and as she begins to develop her narrative you catch yourself becoming increasingly irate and about to tell her to divorce the "asshole." But, instead, you change your perspective to resonate with a deeper appreciation for your child's feelings-her sense of hopelessness, forlornness, neglect, and disillusionment. You thus transform your outrage, away from its practical preoccupation, to focus on and connect with the shared human values that are at stake. As such, the experience remains highly emotionally charged, but the practical distractions-the condemnation and judgment about how to fix the problem are "filtered out."
9. Practice it!
Of course, when strong emotions are kindled it is not always easy to apply such a filter, but this is precisely why empathy takes practice and perseverance in order to cultivate the right habit. It is also why empathy is a virtue or excellence of being human.

So I urge you to practice applying these guidelines when a friend, family member, significant other, colleague, client, or other relationship of yours just wants someone with whom to talk. Since it is not hard to find such contexts in the mainstream of life, it is easy enough to find occasion to practice empathizing. Practice won't make you perfect because nobody's perfect; but it can, indeed, help to make you more empathetic. And that can, in turn, be of inestimable value in improving the quality of your interpersonal relationships.

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"All you ever wants to do is try to fix things." "You just don't get it." Judgments like these and countless others verbalized or thought in the context of interpersonal relationships point to one popular problem: the lack of empathy for the other. This blog provides nine guidelines for addressing this block to successful relationships.

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Empathy vs Sympathy

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Examples of empathy

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Humans are absolutely capable of unimaginable cruelty. That vicious nature knows no bounds, and people result to criticizing, insulting, bullying, assaulting, killing, and torturing each other and more. How much of this horrible behavior would the perpetrators like to have visited upon themselves?

None of it.

And yet it continues to happen on a daily basis. This selfishness and total disregard for others seems to be growing. People continually justify their actions based upon their own small view of the world, and never stop to consider that there may be something wrong with their approach to life. What is the chief cause of this societal distress? The diminishment of empathy in our society.

What is empathy?

Empathy is defined as "the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person". This is a fairly broad definition, and can be used to describe a wide range of experiences. Researchers in the field have endeavored to divide this general definition between two different types of empathy: Cognitive and Affective.

Cognitive empathy can also be described as perspective-taking, and it references our capacity to understand and identify the specific emotions of others. People with Autism have a particularly difficult time with this specific empathetic type. Affective empathy references our ability to experience the feelings or sensations that are typically triggered in response to the emotions of other people. In particular, this type of empathy is evidenced in one of two ways. The first way involves the appearance of a feeling of stress in response to the fear or anxiety of another person. The second way to demonstrate affective empathy is to mirror the other person's emotion back to them.

From a less technical standpoint, empathy is simply the ability to understand another person's point of view. That understanding is the foundation of communication, respect, and morality.

What is the importance of empathy?

Empathy has been called "the building block of morality. This relates directly back to the Golden Rule, or the ethic of reciprocity. This rule can be explained from many different perspectives, and in all cases it is defined in one of the following ways:

You should treat other people exactly as you'd like to be treated

You should not treat others in ways that you would not like to be treated.

Psychologically, empathy is required to exercise either of these rules. For, if you cannot identify the effect of your actions on the emotions and psyche of another, then you also are not equipped to process the feedback necessary to alter your behavior. This directly affects your ability to have deep and engaging relationships with the people in your life, and emphasizes the role of empathy in affecting the quality of your long-term relationships.

In general then, a person who lacks empathy will find difficulty in the creation of strong relationships with their spouse or family. They'll never know that stronger bonds can exist, that deeper levels of understanding are available, or that the key to communication is the very thing they lack. That is, unless they're taught to do so. That brings us to our next question:

Can empathy be taught?

In the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, a group of researchers sought to determine the outcome of practicing affective empathy in the context of racism. They created an example of empathy by having participants watch a five-minute video. In it they showed the experiences of a white man (John), and a black man (Glen). In each case, the subject went shopping in a store, visited a car lot, and had direct interactions with the police. The discrimination experienced by Glen was clear. This is just one of many empathy examples that will help you understand it in real life.

The participants were asked to either:

Imagine Glen's thoughts, feelings, and experiences.

Imagine their own thoughts, feelings, and experiences if it was happening to them.

Remain objective, and view the situation from their current perspective.

All of them were later tested, and the participants in the first two groups showed less bias than those who were asked to remain objective. Moreover, the result was true regardless of which of the first two groups they initially fell into. The only thing that was important was that they were asked to practice affective empathy by endeavoring to identify with the experiences of Glen.

In a second study, researchers showed a picture of an African-American man to a group of college students. They were asked to imagine a day in his life, and to take one of three perspectives:

The perspective of the African-American man.

To remain objective

From any perspective of their choosing.

When they'd finished writing, they were interviewed by an African-American woman. She wasn't told anything about the choices, or instructions given to the students beforehand. She simply took the students into another room and had an individual conversation with each of them. She was then asked to gauge the quality of her interaction with each participant, and talk about whether her experience could be described as an example of positive empathy.

The results confirmed what the researches had originally determined in the first experiment. The interviewer perceived that her conversations were more positive with students who'd chosen to practice affective empathy. If they'd taken the perspective of the African-American man, they demonstrated a comparatively decreased bias, and modeled more open body language. If they'd chosen a more objective viewpoint, the opposite was true.

The conclusion that we can draw from this set of experiments is that empathy can be taught. All that is necessary is for a participator to be instructed to put themselves into the shoes of someone else. The act of doing this yields concrete social benefits, and will affect their interactions with others for the rest of their lives.

Perhaps the most famous example of an experiment in this context is Jane Elliot's Blue eyes vs Brown eyes exercise. In this experiment, the researcher segregates groups of people based upon previously unimportant characteristics. Often, the divisions are based upon eye or hair color. People in one group are made to feel superior, while people in the other group are made to feel inferior. The outcome of this particular exercise is always profound, and leaves an indelible mark on the participants. You can view a video of this experiment in action here.

5 ways to improve communication via empathetic listening

Empathetic listening is defined as a method via which you can prevent or manage disruptive or assaultive behaviors. There are some easy ways you can improve your skill in this area, and we're going to list out a few below.

1. Be present, and attend the conversation at hand. If you're multi-tasking, or preparing your response instead of listening to the speaker, then you will only experience the conversation at a superficial level. You'll miss cues as to what the other person is feeling, and your cognitive empathy will feel forced or faked. Attend the moment.

2. Don't be judgmental. If a person has taken the time to share their personal experiences with you, honor that vulnerability by being open to their perspective.

3. Pay attention to the speaker, their facial expressions, and their body language. Your understanding of these cues is instinctual; you simply have to allow yourself to be open to them. If they're happy, sad, afraid, or upset, take note of that emotion, and respond to it. Your response to their emotional state is even more important than your response to the words they use, because the majority of communication is non-verbal in nature.

4. Be quiet and patient. Don't jump into any break and begin speaking, because not every statement needs an immediate response. This is never truer than in a tense situation that involves the speaker venting over some hurt. You'll often find that if you simply allow the silence to linger after a break in the tirade, they'll break the silence themselves and offer a solution.

5. Make sure you actually understand the issue at hand. Ask questions, attempt to clarify their meaning, and restate the message you perceive them to be communicating.

To sum up those skills, you want to be present, reserve judgments, listen attentively, observe physical indicators of emotion, listen patiently, be quiet, and make efforts to communicate the fact that you are interested an engaged in the conversation at hand.

We hope you've enjoyed our discussion on the topics at hand, and have given you pause when considering the importance of empathy in your own lives. Take heart in that fact that you can indeed improve your empathetic response if you so choose. All that is needed is for you to put yourself in the other person's shoes. Let's try to remember this the next time we find ourselves in an argument, or heated exchange. What are they really trying to say, what are the effects of our hasty words on the outcome of the conversation? What can we do to improve our empathetic listening skills, and how can we model great examples of empathy to our children? Keep these questions at the forefront of your mind when interacting with others and you are sure to see the benefits.

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Empathy Examples That will Teach you the Importance of Empathy

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Humans are absolutely capable of unimaginable cruelty. That vicious nature knows no bounds, and people result to criticizing, insulting, bullying, assaulting, killing, and torturing each other and more. How much of this horrible behavior would the perpetrators like to have visited upon themselves? None of it.

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Can animals show us empathy?

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This week, two videos have supposedly shown the astonishing empathy of animals: creatures rushing to help their fellow species in their hour of need.

One video from India shows a monkey seemingly saving the life of another primate after it was hurt on a railway line. The monkey was electrocuted and fell unconscious on to the tracks. Its fellow primate seems to attempt to resuscitate the animal by repeatedly biting, hitting and dunking him in water.

A second video showed a dog that had been fatally wounded on a motorway in Istanbul. Another dog can be seen standing over the body and begin to push the canine corpse toward the side of the road. The dog can clearly be seen experiencing a large amount of distress at the scene.

Furthermore, these videos showcasing apparent human emotions in animals have emerged at the same time that a court in Argentina granted orangutans the status of "non-human persons" with legal rights. The decision has cleared the way for Sandra, a shy 29-year-old, to be freed from Buenos Aires Zoo after spending her entire life in captivity.

The crucial question is whether these recent videos provide proof of genuine depictions of animals showing empathy and concern for their fellow species or merely examples of humans forcing our own feelings and concepts onto animal behaviour?

The Independent spoke to Dr Frans de Waal from Emory University to discuss the two intriguing videos. De Waal is a renown biologist and primatologist who studies the behaviour and social intelligence of primates. You can watch his TED talk on "Moral behaviour in animals" here.

De Waal says animal empathy is underestimated: "There is increasing evidence, mostly in mammals but also in birds, that animals are sensitive to the emotions of others and react to distress in others by attempts to ameliorate their situation or rescue them. There are experiments showing the same, so these videos are to be taken seriously as illustrations of this tendency."

De Waal found both recent videos "remarkable" and that the footage of the dog in Turkey reminded him of a similar occurrence in Chile a few years back when another dog retrieved a dead canine from the motorway. Waal said both these videos displayed "a retrieval response that is also shown by maternal mammals when one of their young is left alone or in distress. Females pick up the young with their mouth and carry them back to the nest. Here shown by one dog to another apparently hit by a car."

Regarding the monkey video, de Waal found the footage to be more complex because he has seen far fewer examples of such behaviour during his long career.

He said that there have been examples of chimpanzees reacting to the sudden death of another by trying to revive the creature: dragging or slamming a corpse, an attempt at "reanimation"."But mostly, chimpanzees react with silence and staring to the death of others," he said.

Regarding the video in India, de Waal identifies the monkeys as rhesus macques. "The biting is not as bad as it may seem to people, because he doesn't use his canine teeth and also doesn't seem to make injuries (something macaques can do very easily). It is inhibited biting. These rough behaviors alternate with cursory grooming, showing his ambivalence. He threatens the public in between, and it is obvious that if people had tried to intervene, the male would have defended his buddy.

"All in all a spectacular reanimation of a companion".

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The truth behind those videos of 'heroic' animals helping their friends

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This week, two videos have supposedly shown the astonishing empathy of animals: creatures rushing to help their fellow species in their hour of need. One video from India shows a monkey seemingly saving the life of another primate after it was hurt on a railway line.

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How to show empathy?

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Being able to practice empathy is one of the most important skills you can learn. In a world that spends so much time picking at flaws and igniting fear and anger in people, empathy can be a balm to that fear and anger. It can help you,...