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don't play your card // mxmtoon (lyrics)

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I know in the world, lots of people idolize the thought of being perfect and having the happiest life they can have. However, most people are actually holding themselves back and allowing them to be locked inside there head, shown tainted versions of what perfection should be. It's almost as if the human mind is comforted by itself even if the thoughts could be toxic. Usually I would have a goal to help others, but as I've grown I realize I've never even tried to help myself or to love myself. I saw myself as a burden and something not really to be worth everyone's time. I've grown tired and want to be selfish this year. I want to say yes more and allow myself to be free, I want to be healthy, whether it be a good diet or having good relationships. Throughout what would be the beginning of this year I have learned this, by reading book and finally being able to experience of who I am. A lot of my life on this earth I have allowed myself to be controlled and learned other people matter more, but that's not fair. It's understood humans crave one another just as animals crave a mate, last year as embarrassing as it is one of my goals was to find someone. I don't need someone, and I sure cant love or give someone what they need if I cant even do it myself. Things happen naturally and to see this now is something so extraordinary and wonderful. I want to allow myself to be vulnerable, to allow myself to be selfish and more open. I want better relationships with my family and to rid myself of the people that do nothing but ring me dry of my energy. I am often prone to hold myself back, whether it be from fear or maybe just lack of self-love. This year I am going to let myself be subjected to the good I took away from myself.