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I see your having trouble. You seem like you are getting kind of irritated 

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I see your having trouble. You seem like you are getting kind of irritated 

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This will help the child gain a sense of control and agency and help him or her to feel safe once more. 

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This will help the child gain a sense of control and agency and help him or her to feel safe once more. 

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This will help the child gain a sense of control and agency and help him or her to feel safe once more. 

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This will help the child gain a sense of control and agency and help him or her to feel safe once more. 

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This will help the child gain a sense of control and agency and help him or her to feel safe once more. 

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This will help the child gain a sense of control and agency and help him or her to feel safe once more. 

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This will help the child gain a sense of control and agency and help him or her to feel safe once more. 

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This will help the child gain a sense of control and agency and help him or her to feel safe once more. 

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This will help the child gain a sense of control and agency and help him or her to feel safe once more. 

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This will help the child gain a sense of control and agency and help him or her to feel safe once more. 

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 Transitions between activities can easily trigger a student into survival mode. That feeling of “uh oh, what’s going to happen next” can be highly associated with a situation at home 

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 Transitions between activities can easily trigger a student into survival mode. That feeling of “uh oh, what’s going to happen next” can be highly associated with a situation at home 

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Some teachers will play music or ring a meditation bell or blow a harmonica to signal it’s time to transition. The important thing is to build a routine around transitions so that children know: a) what the transition is going to look like, b) what they’re supposed to be doing, and c) what’s next.

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Some teachers will play music or ring a meditation bell or blow a harmonica to signal it’s time to transition. The important thing is to build a routine around transitions so that children know: a) what the transition is going to look like, b) what they’re supposed to be doing, and c) what’s next.

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Complex trauma, getting in trouble can sometimes mean either they or a parent will get hit. And for others, “I made a mistake” can mean “I’m entirely unlovable.” 

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Complex trauma, getting in trouble can sometimes mean either they or a parent will get hit. And for others, “I made a mistake” can mean “I’m entirely unlovable.” 

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When you need to re-direct the behavior, do so privately and in as calm a voice as possible.

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When you need to re-direct the behavior, do so privately and in as calm a voice as possible.

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8. Effective Consequences: Consequences, if given, should be as logical and natural as possible, and also short-term. If an older child is irresponsible        with their electronics, then they should lose them for a day. Two weeks is difficult to comprehend and will leave the child feeling defeated. For a young        child, the toy can go into time out for ten minutes or so. Or, for slightly older children, they can do something to make up for who they hurt. We had        good success with the rule that if you hit your sister you do her chore for the day to make it up to her. It can also be really helpful to have kids        “practice” the right behavior in order to make up doing it wrong before, this is also called “do overs.” Make as much as you can into a game. Saying,        “I’ll bet I can count to ten before you get into your bed!” 

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8. Effective Consequences: Consequences, if given, should be as logical and natural as possible, and also short-term. If an older child is irresponsible        with their electronics, then they should lose them for a day. Two weeks is difficult to comprehend and will leave the child feeling defeated. For a young        child, the toy can go into time out for ten minutes or so. Or, for slightly older children, they can do something to make up for who they hurt. We had        good success with the rule that if you hit your sister you do her chore for the day to make it up to her. It can also be really helpful to have kids        “practice” the right behavior in order to make up doing it wrong before, this is also called “do overs.” Make as much as you can into a game. Saying,        “I’ll bet I can count to ten before you get into your bed!” 

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10.  Do not use any form of touch as discipline. This includes spanking and holding. However you feel about physical discipline generally speaking, it is        not helpful and actually pretty harmful for kids with trauma and/or attachment challenges. If you spank a traumatized child they will be triggered, see        you as the abuser, and it will harm their attachment to you. You want your touch to be comforting, not triggering. Also, be very careful about touch if        the child is triggered or upset. Some therapies recommend holding kids if they are really out of control, but I would caution against this; it can really be        triggering for kids and it likely won’t help them calm down. If holding must be used to prevent a child from engaging in serious self-harming you can,        but it should be clear it’s about safety, not discipline. This is also a very serious psychiatric situation, if your child engages in serious self-harm that        requires this kind of intervention you must talk to a therapist, crisis line, or ER before they can be left alone. For some kids any touch can be        upsetting, and especially so if they’re triggered. A child could automatically lash out with a punch if you touch their arm when they’re triggered, even if        touching her arm is an attempt at soothing. Withholding food should also never be used as a punishment. For kids with a history of food trauma this        will leave them feeling not safe. Discipline should not be mean, overpowering, punitive, shaming, or triggering. Do not make the mistake of assuming        what works with non-traumatized kids will work with traumatized kids, usually you need to use some different techniques.

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10.  Do not use any form of touch as discipline. This includes spanking and holding. However you feel about physical discipline generally speaking, it is        not helpful and actually pretty harmful for kids with trauma and/or attachment challenges. If you spank a traumatized child they will be triggered, see        you as the abuser, and it will harm their attachment to you. You want your touch to be comforting, not triggering. Also, be very careful about touch if        the child is triggered or upset. Some therapies recommend holding kids if they are really out of control, but I would caution against this; it can really be        triggering for kids and it likely won’t help them calm down. If holding must be used to prevent a child from engaging in serious self-harming you can,        but it should be clear it’s about safety, not discipline. This is also a very serious psychiatric situation, if your child engages in serious self-harm that        requires this kind of intervention you must talk to a therapist, crisis line, or ER before they can be left alone. For some kids any touch can be        upsetting, and especially so if they’re triggered. A child could automatically lash out with a punch if you touch their arm when they’re triggered, even if        touching her arm is an attempt at soothing. Withholding food should also never be used as a punishment. For kids with a history of food trauma this        will leave them feeling not safe. Discipline should not be mean, overpowering, punitive, shaming, or triggering. Do not make the mistake of assuming        what works with non-traumatized kids will work with traumatized kids, usually you need to use some different techniques.

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ODD is not personal even though it may feel like it sometimes. It’s easy to get our feelings hurt when a child is reacting aggressively in physical and verbal ways. Remember they’re suffering from a disorder and patience is the ultimate tool in a parent’s toolkit.

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ODD is not personal even though it may feel like it sometimes. It’s easy to get our feelings hurt when a child is reacting aggressively in physical and verbal ways. Remember they’re suffering from a disorder and patience is the ultimate tool in a parent’s toolkit.

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As you need to remain consistent with discipline, an ODD child has difficulty accepting any type of authority, therefore you need to stay vigilant and only choose the battles that are worth pursuing and let go of the small things and avoid power struggles.

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As you need to remain consistent with discipline, an ODD child has difficulty accepting any type of authority, therefore you need to stay vigilant and only choose the battles that are worth pursuing and let go of the small things and avoid power struggles.

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 For example, if you asked your child to do a task, but they continue to play video games, it’s ok to remind them to please turn off the video game. You have reiterated your command and done so politely with a calm tone. The next step is to allow time for a response. If your child argues and begins to escalate, stay calm and do not engage. Remind them of the consequence laid out in the behavior plan. For example, you could say, “We agreed you have two minutes to respond to my request, I’m setting a timer now.”

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 For example, if you asked your child to do a task, but they continue to play video games, it’s ok to remind them to please turn off the video game. You have reiterated your command and done so politely with a calm tone. The next step is to allow time for a response. If your child argues and begins to escalate, stay calm and do not engage. Remind them of the consequence laid out in the behavior plan. For example, you could say, “We agreed you have two minutes to respond to my request, I’m setting a timer now.”

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The final step is to enforce the consequence. This is where things can get a little dicey, but it is important to remember to stick to the behavior plan. To continue with our example, let’s say the timer does go off and they have not stopped playing video games, or they have continued to argue. You could calmly say, “Ok, the timer has gone off, and according to the behavior plan we both agreed to, this action has a consequence. I am turning off the video game, and it will be off limits for the time agreed.”

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The final step is to enforce the consequence. This is where things can get a little dicey, but it is important to remember to stick to the behavior plan. To continue with our example, let’s say the timer does go off and they have not stopped playing video games, or they have continued to argue. You could calmly say, “Ok, the timer has gone off, and according to the behavior plan we both agreed to, this action has a consequence. I am turning off the video game, and it will be off limits for the time agreed.”

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At this point, you have remained calm, clear, and concise with your requests. Your child will either choose to continue to fight or accept the consequences. Being consistent with discipline is key to building the skill in your child.

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At this point, you have remained calm, clear, and concise with your requests. Your child will either choose to continue to fight or accept the consequences. Being consistent with discipline is key to building the skill in your child.

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the importance of getting everyone on board.

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the importance of getting everyone on board.

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At home, it’s crucial to get everyone involved with the behavior plan. This involves your spouse, relatives, the child’s siblings, and the child’s friends. Behavior plans only work when everyone is on the same page, and consistency will build memory pathways in the child’s mind allowing them to rethink the way they react to situations.

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At home, it’s crucial to get everyone involved with the behavior plan. This involves your spouse, relatives, the child’s siblings, and the child’s friends. Behavior plans only work when everyone is on the same page, and consistency will build memory pathways in the child’s mind allowing them to rethink the way they react to situations.

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Away from home, it is a little harder to tell complete strangers how you discipline your child or to explain their disorder. One place that is extremely beneficial to be on the same page is at school. Your child’s teacher will want to know the behavior plan in place so they may use the same style and techniques to keep things uniform.

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Away from home, it is a little harder to tell complete strangers how you discipline your child or to explain their disorder. One place that is extremely beneficial to be on the same page is at school. Your child’s teacher will want to know the behavior plan in place so they may use the same style and techniques to keep things uniform.

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 learn about dealing with good behavior.

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 learn about dealing with good behavior.

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 Parents of children with oppositional defiant disorder quickly get to the end of their rope when dealing with the issue. Reacting to negative behavior is easy. What is difficult is paying attention to their behaviors to react to the positive behavior. Positive action should lead to quick feedback. One of the surest ways to deliver this positive feedback is through praise.

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 Parents of children with oppositional defiant disorder quickly get to the end of their rope when dealing with the issue. Reacting to negative behavior is easy. What is difficult is paying attention to their behaviors to react to the positive behavior. Positive action should lead to quick feedback. One of the surest ways to deliver this positive feedback is through praise.

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Think of it as filling a bucket. The first praise will enter the empty bucket and may not mean much. When you get angry or react negatively, it will remove the praise from the bucket and begin to fill it with negative feelings and emotion. Avoid this by playing down the bad behavior and playing up the good. Fill the bucket with positive praise and eventually it will spill over.

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Think of it as filling a bucket. The first praise will enter the empty bucket and may not mean much. When you get angry or react negatively, it will remove the praise from the bucket and begin to fill it with negative feelings and emotion. Avoid this by playing down the bad behavior and playing up the good. Fill the bucket with positive praise and eventually it will spill over.

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essential for every parent to indulge in a bit of self-care.

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essential for every parent to indulge in a bit of self-care.

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 take some time for yourself, as you deserve it and need a break sometimes too. Managing a child with ODD takes a tremendous amount of time, energy, and effort, as any parent of these bright, energetic children know, therefore it’s worth it to invest in yourself sometimes too. Indulge in your favorite hobby or try a new activity such as writing, painting, dancing, yoga, playing a sport, running, hiking — essentially, any activity that destresses you, eases your mind and helps you feel rejuvenated.

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 take some time for yourself, as you deserve it and need a break sometimes too. Managing a child with ODD takes a tremendous amount of time, energy, and effort, as any parent of these bright, energetic children know, therefore it’s worth it to invest in yourself sometimes too. Indulge in your favorite hobby or try a new activity such as writing, painting, dancing, yoga, playing a sport, running, hiking — essentially, any activity that destresses you, eases your mind and helps you feel rejuvenated.

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 keep your relationship healthy and strong without all the constant worrying and stress that comes with living with a child with ODD.

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 keep your relationship healthy and strong without all the constant worrying and stress that comes with living with a child with ODD.

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why it may be necessary to reach out for help.

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why it may be necessary to reach out for help.

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Specific programs, such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, can help both parents and their child with problem-solving skills, while Social Skills Training can increase a child’s ability to communicate and socialize with their peers effectively.

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Specific programs, such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, can help both parents and their child with problem-solving skills, while Social Skills Training can increase a child’s ability to communicate and socialize with their peers effectively.

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 different treatments that are available when it comes to living with an ODD child.BACK(10 o

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 different treatments that are available when it comes to living with an ODD child.BACK(10 o

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 different treatments that are available when it comes to living with an ODD child.BACK(10 o

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 different treatments that are available when it comes to living with an ODD child.BACK(10 o

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 Considering ODD and ADHD are closely related, it makes perfect sense that if you are going to treat your child with ODD, you should start by controlling symptoms of ADHD. Medications for ADHD have proven to help reduce a child’s impulsiveness, inattention, and hyperactivity, which can greatly help with improving symptoms of ODD.

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 Considering ODD and ADHD are closely related, it makes perfect sense that if you are going to treat your child with ODD, you should start by controlling symptoms of ADHD. Medications for ADHD have proven to help reduce a child’s impulsiveness, inattention, and hyperactivity, which can greatly help with improving symptoms of ODD.

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Children who experience, witness or hear about an extreme traumatic event may be severely and intensely affected emotionally, socially and/or physically. Most children will recover after several weeks, but up to one third of children will go on to develop Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

PTSD is a type of anxiety disorder that occurs following exposure to a life-threatening or extreme traumatic event, such as exposure to war, natural disasters, physical, sexual or emotional abuse, serious medical events, and major car accidents.

PTSD is characterised by the inability to move on from such a traumatic event.

Children are more at risk of developing PTSD if they have been exposed to more than one trauma, if the trauma was life-threatening, if they were physically close to the trauma if they have a close relationship with trauma victims (such as a parent or sibling), or if they have limited social support following the trauma.

Behaviours

Children with PTSD may exhibit some of the following behaviours:

repeatedly displaying themes of the trauma in play, writing or drawing

avoiding situations or things that remind them of the trauma

decreased interest in activities

fearfulness, sadness, irritability, anger or aggression

'shutting down', with 'emotional numbing' or detachment from others

difficulty concentrating

decline in academic performance

impairments in social functioning

becoming withdrawn from teachers and friends

increased school absences

physical symptoms such as headaches and stomach-aches

may startle easily, for example, when hearing sudden, loud noises

clinging to adults, whining, having tantrums

being frequently 'on alert', hyper-vigilant or 'wound up'

telling stories of nightmares or vivid memories related to the trauma

difficulties in sleeping with irritability at school.

How is PTSD diagnosed?

A diagnosis of PTSD will require consultation with a mental health practitioner or doctor. For a diagnosis of PTSD, the child must have been displaying a number of the above behaviours for more than one month following the extreme traumatic event.

When to seek further assistance

If you believe a child in your class may be suffering from PTSD, it is recommended that you refer them via their parents to the family doctor or a psychologist. If left untreated, PTSD may remain with the child throughout adolescence and into adulthood.

Traumatic events at school

If a traumatic event occurs at school or during school hours, typically the principal decides, in consultation with others, on the type and level of support to assist anyone who may have experienced, witnessed or learnt about a life-threatening or traumatic event. Education departments and other school governing authorities generally provide psychological advice and direct support following these critical incidents or emergency management situations.

Strategies to support the child suffering from PTSD

Immediately following a traumatic event, it is important to help provide a sense of stability in the child's life and to acknowledge and validate the child's emotions as normal reactions. To help reduce the likelihood of ongoing difficulties ensure the child can access support. Support is particularly important during the first 24 to 48 hours following the event and during the two weeks following the incident. See the Psych4Schools ebooklet, 'Children who have experienced or witnessed a traumatic event in the past two weeks' for more information.

Ensure the child feels safe in the classroom

Minimise stress on the child. Have an agreed signal the child can use to indicate if they need some 'space' or 'down time'.

Work to identify any specific 'triggers' that may further upset or distress the child such as loud noises, specific comments by others, unexpected change.

Show the child you care. Tell the child that you understand they are going through a difficult time. Offer yourself and one or two other teachers who have agreed to act as 'buddy' teachers to listen and support the child at school when needed.

Work to maintain a positive relationship with the child. The child who is suffering from PTSD can be the most challenging one in your classroom, but a positive relationship with a caring adult is one of the most significant factors in building resilience and hope in a child who has experienced an extreme traumatic event.

Maintain usual classroom routines. A consistent, predictable structure helps the child to feel safe at school and to realise that everyday life goes on. It may be helpful to have a copy of the class timetable on the wall. Ensure you give the child as much notice as possible of changes to the routine such as incursions, excursions, teacher absences and tests.

ISBN 978-1-921908-12-5

Copyright © Murray Evely and Zoe Ganim 2011

No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.

Click here to read copyright details, summary of the licence and terms and conditions to use and reproduce our digital materials granted to authorised users.

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Students with PTSD - Free resources - Psych4Schools

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Children who experience, witness or hear about an extreme traumatic event may be severely and intensely affected emotionally, socially and/or physically. Most children will recover after several weeks, but up to one third of children will go on to develop Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

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Children of all ages experience strong emotions. As loving parents it can be uncomfortable to watch them struggle. You want to help them, you want them to be OK.

But sometimes as a result of our own discomfort, we try to stop these emotions in their tracks. In turn we don't allow our children to process the emotions and consequently kids can feel as though these feelings are not appropriate (when they so very much are!)

I have spoken previously about how the little things matter to children and how I parent my sensitive son and my headstrong daughter, respectfully. You may find those posts helpful as background information.

Children get overwhelmed and sometimes this results in tears or anger. Instinctively, we want to tell them "it's OK" and we want them to stop. That's natural - we don't want them to be upset!

But I have seen how that affects them. I've made that mistake before and watched as the cries got harder or the anger got louder. To them, it's not OK in that moment and hearing that is not what they need.

What to do instead of saying "It's OK"

When we say "it's okay" it can feel so dismissive to the child's experience. To them, in that moment, things feel very not okay. Them protesting louder with upset/sadness/anger/etc is a pretty valid response to their emotions being belittled!

So instead, I am there, I get on his level and if I find myself saying "it's OK", I tag a "to cry/feel scared/feel sad/feel angry" on the end.

It's that simple. Children need to know that you hear them. They need those strong feelings validated to help process the strong emotions.

So we validate their emotions, "are you worried/scared/angry/hurt because ____?" & we begin to problem solve together.

As a result, Cam has told me with tear-filled eyes "it's OK to cry. I'm sad" in such a love-filled way (with eyes that said ' you taught me that '). I'm thankful he knows that.

Similarly, my daughter (2.5 years old) is not overly verbal and she gets angry fast when she feels like she's not being heard. Just last week after a big play at the park we gave warning that we were going to leave but she was not having it once we said we were going. She felt so upset and broke into heart-breaking sobs alongside rolling around in the dirt.

My husband was embarrassed and went straight into damage control mode with "we have to go, that's enough" and "stop that, you had a great fun play!" This resulted in more temper and more uncomfortable emotions.

I got on her level and said "I'm here if you need a cuddle" and repeated variations of "you really didn't want to leave" and "you had lots of fun, you didn't want to go". The sobs quickly got quieter until I heard a little "yeah" and she reached for me for a hug.

It's OK to be angry.

It's OK to be sad.

It's OK to cry.

It's OK to feel hurt.
But they don't want to hear "it's OK".
Just like adults, kids want to be heard. Sometimes what they are worried or hurt about doesn't seem like a big deal to adults. Sometimes it is embarrassing. Sometimes you have been through this so many times that you're at your wits end. But remember, all they want is to feel like they are valued. Remember that sometimes simply the way you word things and react can make the world of difference both in the moment and for long after.

___________

You can also find me:

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What to Say When Children Have Strong Emotions | Racheous

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Children of all ages experience strong emotions. As loving parents it can be uncomfortable to watch them struggle. You want to help them, you want them to be OK. But sometimes as a result of our own discomfort, we try to stop these emotions in their tracks.