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A star is how you described everything. I could get an image of what the mountain looked like when I was reading. Another star is that you made everyone feel like you were in your shoes, or boots. Especially when you were talking about how scared you were to go down. My wish is that it didn’t really have much Figurative language. It was more of telling rather then showing. Overall, it was really good!

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I love how you described the cold, icy and arctic weather when you went down the slope and fell into the snow. That was truly a really good story, I love how you explained you didn’t wanna go down the tall slope. I also love how you made it so dramatic and cool, it was nerve racking that you were going to go down the slope and your mind disagreed with you. The only thing I think you need to improve on is making the story slower, although it was a really good story and you did great with it you kind of rushed through the story as I read, So all I suggest is to make the story longer and slower, But without that you did a great job!

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I really enjoyed your memoir for a couple of reasons. First I love how you broke it down into small paragraphs. That helped me take in the information before moving forward. Second, I enjoyed your similes. For example, “were directed to the tall slope, which loomed over us like a giant’s head”. I felt like I was there with you and how frightened you were about one of the ski slopes. One thing that I would improve on if that was my writing is the other parts of  the scene around you. I didn’t find the description of the ski lifts, maybe how many people there were. I think that would really show more about the time that you had.

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strength of your memoir is that you set it up good and you broke down all parts into one section there is not a lot of talking. Your memoir i wish it had more plot it kinda kept switching around witch i did not like and i think in the further you should fix over all you memoir is a slice of cake all sections and layers of frosting it need work but still good i wish you good luck L0vE angelo

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I like how you were descriptive and how you said that the leaves and shadows of trees painted the concrete. It really helped me think about that moment and feel like I was in that moment with you.I liked how you were really in the moment and it went by very slowly. It really helps describe even the most feeble moments in that small moment. It really makes a difference. It was very nice reading but I wish you could have been more focused on the setting because it was hard to imagine the place. I could imagine teh leaves and color on the concrete and everything else but Ithink you could have discribed more about the setting.

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like how in your library of liticher  i like how your explaining your self and  what your good at bad at what you like and what you dont like.I like how you explained and put your ending into the story and you put good details on where you hang out or where you go a lot and what you like to do I wish you saild more things about you in your about me but it was still good I wish you good luck beach -Angelo

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I truly think that your About Me is a work of art. I love the immense detail in your likes. For example, you said, “One thing that I could never live wIthout is cheese.  I prefer tangy and nutty cheeses, and my all time favorite is muenster.” It really lets me understand your food preferences, and what kind of flavors you prefer your food to be.  I feel like I know you a bit better just from that very sentence. Another thing that I thought was fantastic was your punctuation, words, and spelling. You put the right kind of punctuation just where it needed to be which made the piece that much more enjoyable. Also, your spelling was spot on. It really shows that you took the necessary time to make your piece the best that it can possibly be. The words you used were amazing too. It made me want to read more seeing how descriptive they were. But, if I were to add one thing to your piece, it would be more description of your dislikes. I knew what they were, but I wish that you could just go into a little bit more detail about why you don’t like those things.

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As I browsed through your writing there were a lot of things that I enjoyed. One of those things was you playing sports and not understanding the rules. I can imagine that moment when you score and the other team says “It's not Fair!:”but you say “Yeah..It was.” And they are secretly living about saying that it wasn’t fair when indeed it was. I also like when you said that you were sitting on your couch next to the tv on your last chapter and the fireplace is on and you eat your cheese. Although there was something you can add on about the scene of what you were doing when you were eating the cheese.

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Taoren, first of all I like your Panda background and I agree with you pandas are so cute 🐼 And second, I like it when you said you can live without homework. We all can live without homework. I wish you can explain why you hate car sickness. Anyways, we are not enemies. We are friends.

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your word choice is extremely well placed as well as good words in general, this really made me want to continue reading,one thing you can change though is…actually nothing should be changed, personally I think this is as good as can be

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I loved how you were so descriptive when you were talking about the cheese cause I love cheese so much. Also I liked how you said that you could live without fatty meats, me too!

All I would say is that you could be a bit more descriptive in your dislikes list.