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Your ‘Surge Capacity’ Is Depleted — It’s Why You Feel Awful

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Your ‘Surge Capacity’ Is Depleted — It’s Why You Feel Awful

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It was the end of the world as we knew it, and I felt fine. That's almost exactly what I told my psychiatrist at my March 16 appointment, a few days after our children's school district extended spring break because of the coronavirus. I said the same at my April 27 appointment, several weeks after our state's stay-at-home order.

Yes, it was exhausting having a kindergartener and fourth grader doing impromptu distance learning while I was barely keeping up with work. And it was frustrating to be stuck home nonstop, scrambling to get in grocery delivery orders before slots filled up, and tracking down toilet paper. But I was still doing well because I thrive in high-stress emergency situations. It's exhilarating for my ADHD brain. As just one example, when my husband and I were stranded in Peru during an 8.0-magnitude earthquake that killed thousands, we walked around with a first aid kit helping who we could and tracking down water and food. Then I went out with my camera to document the devastation as a photojournalist and interview Peruvians in my broken Spanish for my hometown paper.

Now we were in a pandemic, and I'm a science journalist who has written about infectious disease and medical research for nearly a decade. I was on fire, cranking out stories, explaining epidemiological concepts in my social networks, trying to help everyone around me make sense of the frightening circumstances of a pandemic and the anxiety surrounding the virus.

I knew it wouldn't last. It never does. But even knowing I would eventually crash, I didn't appreciate how hard the crash would be, or how long it would last, or how hard it would be to try to get back up over and over again, or what getting up even looked like.

In those early months, I, along with most of the rest of the country, was using "surge capacity" to operate, as Ann Masten, PhD, a psychologist and professor...

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Your 'Surge Capacity' Is Depleted - It's Why You Feel Awful

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We are processing an inordinate amount of stress, loss, and grief over a sustained period of time. Psychologists and experts explain what this does to our brains.

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Breathing Exercise for Kids: Breathe in for 3, Hold for 3, Breathe out for 3

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Breathing Exercise for Kids: Breathe in for 3, Hold for 3, Breathe out for 3

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Breathing Exercise for Kids: Breathe in for 3, Hold for 3, Breathe out for 3

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There are a lot of unknowns in the world right now. But one thing is certain - Headspace is here for you. To help you, we're offering some meditations you can listen to anytime.

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When you're a parent, self-care often slips to the bottom of the list. But taking care of yourself isn't a luxury. It's essential. And during this difficult time, when children are home and stress is running high, it's more important than ever. Here are five tips from our clinicians that can help.

The pandemic has been long, and even though the end is in sight, we're all struggling to maintain our mental health. Even now, much of the personal time that was part of daily routines pre-pandemic - commutes, time alone at home or at the store, social time with friends, sitting in a restaurant - is not available for folks with kids at home. Without it, we have to be intentional about creating space to recharge and decompress. This could look like taking a shower or bath, walking around the block alone (or with your dog), or designating time to read or simply zone out after the kids have gone to bed.

The colder weather and ongoing stress we're all experiencing right now can make it easy to slip into habits that feel good in the moment but can be detrimental in the long term. "Make sure you're eating properly, try to get enough sleep (but not too much!), and create a routine that includes physical activity," recommends Jill Emanuele, PhD, Senior Director of the Mood Disorders Center at the Child Mind Institute. This doesn't mean pressuring yourself to get into tip-top shape, or not eating ice cream or binging your favorite shows. It does mean being thoughtful and intentional about how you're treating yourself and your body. Small changes like making time to take a walk, do a short exercise routine, or choosing to go to bed a little earlier than usual can reduce stress and help you feel more relaxed and resilient.

"Perfectionism and the coronavirus don't mix," says David Anderson, PhD, a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute. "It's time to be exceedingly realistic, both at work and as a parent." Avoid burnout by setting realistic expectations and giving yourself grace if you can't meet them. "Practice forgiveness and self-compassion," says Dr. Anderson. Parents should remind themselves that these are unprecedented times. "There's no playbook for this. Remember you're doing your best during a very difficult time. Cut yourself some slack."

It's been long (long long long) year and anxiety is, understandably, rampant. With so much worry and uncertainty floating around it can be easy to absorb other people's fears and concerns without even realizing it. If you have a friend or family member who's in the habit of sending worst-case-scenario news or is prone to sending anxiety-provoking text messages, practice a little emotional distancing. Let them know you sympathize but that you're taking a break from worrying news, or simply hit the Do Not Disturb button. You can always reconnect when things are calmer.

Self-care can be as simple as taking a shower, but it doesn't have to be. Finding time to get back in touch with hobbies or activities you enjoy or making the choice to learn a new skill can be a great way to practice self-care. Maybe there's a knitting project you've always wanted to try, or you've been meaning to learn how to needlepoint. If young children at home make solo activities unrealistic, seek out activities you can enjoy together, like baking bread, or making art.

Finally, remember, being kind to yourself will not only help you stay calm during this difficult time, it will help ensure that you have the bandwidth you need to take good care of your family. When you're running on fumes, caring for others can tax your already depleted resources to breaking point. But when you prioritize your needs, you're filling the tank, emotionally and physically, and that means you'll be in a position to offer comfort and care to others when they need it most.

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Self-Care in the Time of Coronavirus - Child Mind Institute

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When you're a parent, self-care often slips to the bottom of the list. But taking care of yourself isn't a luxury. It's essential. And during this difficult time, when children are home and stress is running high, it's more important than ever. Here are five tips from our clinicians that can help.

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How to Avoid Passing Anxiety on to Your Kids 

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How to Avoid Passing Anxiety on to Your Kids 

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Witnessing a parent in a state of anxiety can be more than just momentarily unsettling for children. Kids look to their parents for information about how to interpret ambiguous situations; if a parent seems consistently anxious and fearful, the child will determine that a variety of scenarios are unsafe. And there is evidence that children of anxious parents are more likely to exhibit anxiety themselves, a probable combination of genetic risk factors and learned behaviors.

It can be painful to think that, despite your best intentions, you may find yourself transmitting your own stress to your child. But if you are dealing with anxiety and start to notice your child exhibiting anxious behaviors, the first important thing is not to get bogged down by guilt. "There's no need to punish yourself," says Jamie Howard, PhD, director of the Stress and Resilience Program at the Child Mind Institute. "It feels really bad to have anxiety, and it's not easy to turn off."

But the transmission of anxiety from parent to child is not inevitable. The second important thing to do is implement strategies to help ensure that you do not pass your anxiety on to your kids. That means managing your own stress as effectively as possible, and helping your kids manage theirs. "If a child is prone to anxiety," Dr. Howard adds, "it's helpful to know it sooner and to learn the strategies to manage sooner."

It can be very difficult to communicate a sense of calm to your child when you are struggling to cope with your own anxiety.

When we are feeling anxious, we start worrying about what might happen in the future - all those "what ifs." To avoid getting caught up in worries about the future, try practicing mindfulness, which is a technique for focusing on the present. Here are two common mindfulness techniques to try:

Squeeze Muscles: Starting at your toes, pick one muscle and squeeze it tight. Count to five. Release, and notice how your body changes. Repeat exercise moving up your body.

Belly Breathing: Put one hand on your stomach and one hand on your chest. Slowly breathe in from your stomach (expand like a balloon) and slowly breathe out (deflate).

You can try to practice mindfulness in the moment when you're feeling anxious, but it is also a good idea to set aside time to be mindful every day. Regular practice will help you use the techniques more effectively when you really need them, and it can also make you feel calmer in general.

Pay attention to what triggers your anxiety. While feeling anxiety is unavoidable sometimes, we can also make it worse by dwelling on it. If you are someone who jumps to the worst-case scenario when you have a tickle in your throat, using WebMD might make you even more alarmed. Likewise, if you are stressed out by what's happening in the news, spending time reading it - or even using social media - might make you feel worse. Setting boundaries about when and how you will engage with things that could trigger your anxiety is a good idea.

If your anxiety is severe and practicing mindfulness and setting boundaries on your own isn't helping, consulting a mental health professional makes sense. A clinician can help you work through methods of stress management that will suit your specific needs. As you learn to tolerate stress, you will in turn be teaching your child - who takes cues from your behavior - how to cope with situations of uncertainty or doubt.

"A big part of treatment for children with anxiety," explains Laura Kirmayer, PhD, a clinical psychologist, "is actually teaching parents stress tolerance. It's a simultaneous process - it's both directing the parent's anxiety, and then how they also support and scaffold the child's development of stress tolerance."

When you learn some strategies for managing stress that work for you, you can then impart them to your child when she is feeling anxious. If, for example, you are working on thinking rationally during times of stress, you can practice those same skills with your child. Say to her: "I understand that you are scared, but what are the chances something scary is actually going to happen?"

Try to maintain a calm, neutral demeanor in front of your child, even as you are working on managing your anxiety. Dr. Howard says, "Be aware of your facial expressions, the words you choose, and the intensity of the emotion you express, because kids are reading you. They're little sponges and they pick up on everything."

While you don't want your child to witness every anxious moment you experience, you do not have to constantly suppress your emotions. It's okay - and even healthy - for children to see their parents cope with stress every now and then, but you want to explain why you reacted in the way that you did.

Let's say, for example, you lost your temper because you were worried about getting your child to school on time. Later, when things are calm, say to her: "Do you remember when I got really frustrated in the morning? I was feeling anxious because you were late for school, and the way I managed my anxiety was by yelling. But there are other ways you can manage it too. Maybe we can come up with a better way of leaving the house each morning."

Talking about anxiety in this way gives children permission to feel stress, explains Dr. Kirmayer, and sends the message that stress is manageable. "If we feel like we have to constantly protect our children from seeing us sad, or angry, or anxious, we're subtly giving our children the message that they don't have permission to feel those feelings, or express them, or manage them," she adds. "Then we're also, in a way, giving them an indication that there isn't a way to manage them when they happen."

Come up with strategies in advance for managing specific situations that trigger your stress. You may even involve your child in the plan. If, for example, you find yourself feeling anxious about getting your son ready for bed by a reasonable hour, talk to him about how you can work together to better handle this stressful transition in the future. Maybe you can come up with a plan wherein he earns points toward a privilege whenever he goes through his evening routine without protesting his bedtime.

These strategies should be used sparingly: You don't want to put the responsibility on your child to manage your anxiety if it permeates many aspects of your life. But seeing you implement a plan to curb specific anxious moments lets him know that stress can be tolerated and managed.

If you know that a situation causes you undue stress, you might want to plan ahead to absent yourself from that situation so your children will not interpret it as unsafe. Let's say, for example, that school drop-offs fill you with anxiety. Eventually you want to be able to take your child to school, but if you are still in treatment, you can ask a co-parent or another trusted adult to handle the drop off. "You don't want to model this very worried, concerned expression upon separating from your children," says Dr. Howard. "You don't want them to think that there's anything dangerous about dropping them off at school."

In general, if you feel yourself becoming overwhelmed with anxiety in the presence of your child, try to take a break. Danielle Veith, a stay-at-home mom who blogs about her struggles with anxiety, will take some time to herself and engage in stress-relieving activities when she starts to feel acutely anxious. "I have a list of to-do-right-this-second tips for dealing with a panic, which I carry with me: take a walk, drink tea, take a bath, or just get out the door into the air," she says. "For me, it's about trusting in the fact that the anxiety will pass and just getting through until it passes."

Trying to parent while struggling with your own mental health can be a challenge, but you don't have to do it alone. There is a lot of support online, on blogs, forums and social media. Getting support from the people in your life is important, too. Those people can be therapists, co-parents, or friends - anyone who will step in when you feel overwhelmed, or even just offer words of support. "I am a part of an actual support group, but I also have a network of friends," says Veith. "I am open with friends about who I am, because I need to be able to call on them and ask for help. "

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How to Avoid Passing Anxiety on to Your Kids - Child Mind Institute

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Witnessing a parent in a state of anxiety can be more than just momentarily unsettling for children. Kids look to their parents for information about how to interpret ambiguous situations; if a parent seems consistently anxious and fearful, the child will determine that a variety of scenarios are unsafe.

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Configuración de un espacio de aprendizaje productivo en casa

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Configuración de un espacio de aprendizaje productivo en casa

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Configuracion de un espacio  de aprendizaje productivo en casa

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Describe Cards - The Most Versatile Conversation Starter

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Shop - Describe Cards - The Most Versatile Conversation Starter

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