# data[].attributes.body
I was taking laps around the circle
Thinking and thinking
I felt almost as if I were in an anime
The wind kept blowing unexpectedly and my hair began to sway with the winds dance
And petals of the Cherry blossom tree were stroking past my face along with the breeze
All I could think about was how happy I was feeling at that moment
I ran in the mini hurricane, it was a beauty
I felt like I could finally breathe for once
Without feeling the way I had
The boulders on each of my shoulders, had dropped
The anchor from my heart, had shattered
The compressor squeezing my chest, had retreated
And the chains on my ankles, had broke
I was just so happy that I had finally came to terms on moving on from you.
I have moved on.
Moved on.
From you.

# data[].attributes.body
I'm shivering, my teeth, they're chattering.
My legs, cold without your touch.
You never touched me there, but it's felt like you've touched me there endless amount of times
My heart is racing at just the thought of you
And I hate you for making me feel this way
Why does my heart sink each time I think of the times we've kissed..?
I genuinely don't know.
I wish I knew.
Why does my chest get a stabbing sensation each time I think of you with her

# data[].attributes.body
The fox was hungry, he was, for some food, for some meat.
In the distance, a deer, it leaped and it leaped.
The fox hid away in some nearby bushes, slyly making way towards the deer.
Oddly enough, the deer should've heard, but it stood with no fear.
"What easy prey,"
"I must say."
The fox pounced on to the deer, sinking its teeth into it's neck.
"What was that pain," the deer, delayed, looked to her left to check.
The fox ripped off chunks of skin, more and more.
The deer began to shriek in bloody gore.
The deer began to struggle, less and less.
The fox shook its head before saying, "What a mess."

# data[].attributes.body
Who ever said "Boys can't."
It's always "Boys can't." this or "Boys can't." that.
Because boys can most definitely apply makeup to their face.
It doesn't always make them 🤬 gay
Get that through your damned thick-🤬 skull.
And boys can most definitely wear dresses.
They can show some feminine features to themselves, too.
Who said that boys can't be scrawny.
They don't have to be ridiculously ripped, nor do they have to have the biggest 🤬 muscles in the whole wide world.
As a boy, I wear eyeliner.
As a boy, I wear dresses, not all of the time, but I certainly do wear them at times.
As a boy, I'm not so scrawny, but i'm not so ripped.
Sure, it'd be nice to have some juicy muscles, but it doesn't have to be societally pressured on to boys.
And boys can kiss other boys.
That should be normalized.
Not frowned upon society.
Boys can be timid, anxious and curious.
Boys can be cute, pretty and beautiful.
Boys can be loving, nurturing and supportive.
Boys can.

# data[].attributes.body
At the time, I was extremely in love with you.
If I had known the consequences of loving some stupid player boy like you, I would've been better off never meeting you.
It was your fault.
All your fault.
Your fault that I developed separation anxiety
Your fault that I felt the need to please somebody for love, rather than actually receiving love from them because they loved me.
Your fault that I waited feeble-mindedly behind the screen for you to be online.
Your fault that I have trust issues.
Because, Manny, we lived in different time zones, I know for sure.
Because, Manny, whatever I did to hinting love to you, came with a nice friend-zone.
Because, Manny, I always wanted to play with you from exactly the time you woke up, till the time that you had to go to bed.
Because, Manny, you never told me about her.
Thanks, Manny. :/

# data[].attributes.body
That warm gust of wind that smacked me right in the face as I was making my way into the passenger seat of my mom's car

Reminded me of the feeling of happiness

It's warm, refreshing tendency made me feel like resting my head for sleep

But that thought of sleeping was accompanied by myself

You weren't there

It was just me, cradling into the form of a fetus-like-shape

It's easy to imagine you spooning me and wrapping your arms around me

But at that moment, I enjoyed seeing myself like that alone

As I sat down, the seat was warm

Not too hot nor too warm, but that nice and even and perfect type of warm

The car was proceeding in motion, and we were leaving the parking lot

The blossoms were bloomed, so beautifully

White flower blossoms that were on the pavement were being pushed around in the wind and making mini hurricanes

But, when I felt the car pick up speed, the wind...

It teased my hair, messing it up

Almost like how you used to pat my head and mess it up the same way

Strands of my hair would always get in my eyes

And I think I miss that

I miss that

And I noticed my calm, steady breathing, taking in the smell of the winds

Had reminded me of how I never felt when I was with you

The Sun's hugging rays wrapped around my thighs and my hands

The very parts that you neglected ever touching, parts of mine you never hugged

But the Sun did it for you

And it's staying with me

Until it turns night

And in place of the Sun

The Moon will be present with me, as well as the endless amounts of stars and clusters of them, watching me and staying with me

Almost as if they really cared

about my own well-being.

# data[].attributes.body
You can try to run away from me, run into crowds and try to disguise yourself as somebody else, but I'd easily outrun you, and I know what you smell like.

You can try to hide away from me, fly to a whole different country, but I know where you'd go and I'd hunt you down like a predator would with prey.

You can try to hurt my feelings, make me feel worthless and break me to the point of insanity, but I'd still feel the need to prove to you, and I've already reached that point.

You can try to ghost me, leave me wondering where you've went and feeling empty without you, but I know you'll come running back, and I've gotten used to living without you.

You can try to make me feel jealous, make me infuriated with frustration and thirsting for blood, but I've become numb to envy, and I'll go ahead and dissemble their limbs one by one.

You can try to hate me, saying hurtful, stinging words to me and neglecting me, but I've made you feel good and I'm like a drug, you can't get rid of me.

Oh you poor thing.

Oh you poor little thing.

You're the victim now?

You cry, cry, cry, waiting for me to comfort you. But you're too far away for me to do so, and you don't feel comfortable with me touching you anymore.

You lie, lie, lie, saying that I was never there for you. But I was there for you at your very lowest, when you thought of it, and I pulled you right out of that darkness.

You fight, fight, fight, arguing that I don't love you. But I told you that everyday, you saw those messages and left me on read, and I've stopped wasting my energy on you.

You can try to drain me, drain my soul more and more each day until I turn into a shriveled up corpse, but I'm sure you wouldn't mind, and you've already drained my effort for you away anyway.

# data[].attributes.body
I can handle change, better than I thought that I was really able to. :)

# data[].attributes.body
when was that ever
So                                        much of
a
sign                                     for me
to let go
of you,
if you
told me
that you
loved me
and
wanted

me to stay
with you
forever?

# data[].attributes.body
You tasted me.

The real me.

It was special, creamy, sweet and thick, just for you.

It got all over the place and you always wanted more of it.

It was forbidden, I told you.

I only ever gave it to you, thinking you were just showing your love to me.

I only ever gave it to you thinking if I did, you'd love me more.

You'd want me more.

Everytime you asked for it, were in the mood for it, when I teased you for it, just a lick, I gave it to you.

You deserved it.

Because well, your special to me.

I loved the feeling of how you bit it, teased it and licked it.

You've never seen one before, you didn't know how to tame it at first.

But the more I gave it to you, the more you recognized my soft spots.

It was easier for you to make me give you more.

And as soon as you found out that one spot, you won me over every time.

I could never hold it back when you did it like that.

It was a win win for both of us.

You'd get a meal, and I'd get an orgasmic feeling.

You were unknowingly aware of how well you were at after-care.

You never abandoned me after I fed you.

You stayed with me, hugged me, comforted me, thanked me, and loved me.

It made me heat up.

And I always felt as if I was melting in your arms.

I loved the sensation of how softly your fingers would caress me.
That tingling sensation that sent nice and good shivers down my whole body.

I always wanted you to do more.

To touch me more.

I demanded it.

I allowed it.

But it never came.

You said you would do it soon.

I'm waiting.

I've done it to you, I'd do it again if you were okay with it.

But I never got to taste you.

The real you.

# data[].attributes.headline
"I Never Trusted You but I Trusted You" {Created 28.04.2022}

# data[].attributes.subject
"I Never Trusted You but I Trusted You" {Created 28.04.2022}

# data[].attributes.body
I never quite trusted you.
You know?
You thought it was humorous to see me traumatized of you.
You thought it was fun to scare me.

To

hide . . . .

And

jump out!

at me at the most unexpected of places.
You enjoyed seeing my tears pour out from my eyes, to see me at my most vulnerable.
Your sadistic self valued that vulnerability of mine, using it to feel empowering over me.
For what reason, brother?
Was I some object to you for you to mess with?
You were always a horrible person.

Yet I trusted you.
For I knew how it felt like to be in your shoes.
Dad was abusive, mean, self-centered.
I saw how he treated you.
Beating you till the point you screamed in agony, blood trickling from your arms, legs and back.
At a point, when I saw that happen, I felt it was karma.
At a point, I felt it's what you deserved.
But I would soon realize that those actions were the same, but emotionally painful for when you startled me.
Maybe I was supposed to be some reliever for you.
I lived in paranoia because of you.
Are you behind the left wall or the right wall this time?
Are you under my bed?
Are you behind the Grandfather's clock?
Are you in her room?
I never liked this game of hide-and-go-seek.
I always felt anxious.
I always felt shaky.
I always felt my privacy was violated.
I never felt alone.
I never felt relaxed.
I never felt safe.
I was just your younger brother.
Sorry I couldn't have been anything more to you.

Still, the anger you had for dad, you put onto me.
It seemed to me that it satisfied you when you saw me bawling, breaking down to the floor and curling up into a ball.
However, apparently it never seemed to at all. You'd do it again and again over and over, repetitively until you took it too far.
I saw what I saw.
And it wasn't my fault.
It was his.

But you didn't see it. You were blinded in your own presumptioness.

You put me in between in its jaws.
And it clamped straight onto my head, crushing it almost instantly.
You got what you wanted.
But you didn't like it.
What you got.

# data[].attributes.headline
"Tomorrow is Another Day" {Somewhat Short Story} [AANNNNDDD A possible idea for a book I want to write -w- ] Created 28.04.2022

# data[].attributes.subject
"Tomorrow is Another Day" {Somewhat Short Story} [AANNNNDDD A possible idea for a book I want to write -w- ] Created 28.04.2022

# data[].attributes.body
His body swayed, this way and that way.
Happily along the creeks loud splishes and splashes.
His socks were beginning to get soaked with water.
It seemed to have not bothered the boy, the boy and his fluffy and yet bouncy and lively spicy-vodka-sunrise hair.
He seemed to have enjoyed the time he had with himself.
For even though his socks were drenched with water, he thrived in the Sun's beaming rays.
He was alone, this boy, but even yet it didn't seem like he was.
With the company of the creeks loud thrusting and crashing noises against the rocks, the flaps of the birds going from one tree to the other tree, the squish and squash his socks made when he took one step after the other, the soft buzzes of the bumble bees as he zipped right past them, along with the other birds tweeting their lovely songs, was he really so lonely?
A young girl with auburn locks approached the dynamic boy.
"You seem lonely." She said aloud, directing it towards the carrot-topped boy.
The boys head perched up, almost instantly, as a deer would react to a hunter, while balancing on a rock dangerously close to the edge of the creek, unexpecting a visitor.
Confused the boy replied, "Do I?" The girl nodded her head and closed her eyes in a know-it-all-ish manner.
The boy looked around, acknowledging the very much living things surrounding him, practically everywhere he looked. The fluffy, almost cloud-like dandelions, the thin strands of grass, the oak trees and their dark-green leaves, the elusive Monarch butterflies. All alive.
He only shook his head in disapproval, remaining silent.
The boy was at a peace, and so he found no interest in engaging in a pointless argument.
The girl opened her eyes, concerned with no response from the boy.
"You have nobody and that's sad, boy." The girl said, giving a one nasty scowl look to the boy.
The boy remained calm and unphased and decided to give the girl a bit of educating.
"For a reason, I seem lonely to you," The boy started. "But have you stopped to look around you, girl?"
The girl seemed pleased, finally receiving some attention from the boy. To keep the conversation going with this fond boy, she looked around and shrugged.
"All I see is you in the woods," She said.
"With dirty drenching socks filled with disgusting river water. A filthy boy you are." With her index finger she pointed below at the boys feet.
The boy looked down for a quick moment and then up at the girl.
"All you see is me in the woods. That is where you are wrong." The boy said, his attention gazing elsewhere, other than to the girl.
He began to start tapping his left foot up and down, with splats of water splatting in the surface beneath him.
"Because here I am accompanied by many others. Like Daffy over there in the lake." He pointed behind him with his thumb, still tapping his foot.
The girl eyed him up and down, disgusted with the noise his tapping was making. Even so, she looked behind him.
A lake, with a couple of dams here and there. She noticed that there were even baby swans and ducks and geese. But right splat in the center, was an otter, with a small red bow-tie and a medium sized top hat. It seemed to be gleefully and energetically playing with what seemed to be a beach ball, regarding its colorful triangle-ish design on it.
"Daffy?" The girl said.
The boy nodded and revealed a faint smile, before letting his arms rest beside him and hopping off of the rock he was balancing on.
"Not only that but I also have those lovely bundles of roses growing beside my house, my friendly oak tree friends, the herd of does that pass by and shout sweet nothings to me as they zoom past me from time to time-"
The girl quickly cut him off before he could list more of the company and friends he's made.
"Okay, okay, okay!" The girl shouted, covering her ears, closing her eyes shut tight, and shaking her head manically.
"I see now, I shouldn't have been so quick to assume that you were a lonely fellow." The girl said, crossing her arms and furrowing her eyebrows, along with a pouty expression on her face directed towards the boy. It was meant for the boy but she couldn't bare to look at him much longer.
"You have a house, you said."
The boy gave a soft smile to the girl.
"Indeed I do." He said softly.
The boy prompted the girl to follow him a couple miles away from the creek before yielding to a sudden stop.
"Right there!" He shouted, and pointed to a well built log cabin.
The girl couldn't help herself but feel impressed. She noticed the bundle of beautiful and bright roses growing so neatly beside the cabin, just as he had described to her.
"They're- Well, gosh!" The girl exclaimed.
With that, a far away crack was instantly heard by the boy.
"We must leave." He alerted to the girl.
He took the girl by the hand and began to run towards the creek where she had first seen him.
It was easy to tell where the boy was going at this point.
He ran up to the edge of the creek before stopping due to the sudden uncooperative move of the girl.
"What are you doing!" The boy said worryingly.
"What are you doing?" The girl responded.
She looked down at the creek and shook her head.
"I'm not going in there with you. No, especially not you." She said, and began to make her way away from the boy.
"If you want to return, come soon.. For tomorrow is another day." The boy said calmly.
The girl only heard a somewhat violent splash and a gruesome cracking noise from behind her. In fact, she picked up a couple of cracking noises. She rolled her eyes. Boys cannonballing were always the most reckless actions that a boy could ever perform. Especially when they always had to break through sticks, it might've hurt to be him.
There was no way she would go in that creek with that boy. How filthy she would be when she returned home and scolded by her parents for playing in the mucky water.
She left the woods, and didn't return until 3 weeks later.

.   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .

The excruciating thought of going back to the woods to find the boy was annoying and very much time-consuming to do. She never quite found the time to be doing extra un-important things, but for some odd reason, she thought it was somewhat necessary to do what the boy had requested. As the weeks had passed, she kept repeating to herself that tomorrow would be another day. Just like the boy had said. Another day for him to wait and stay patient for her arrival.
She found the motivation to go back to the woods and began to walk

and walk

and walk some more

and walk even more

until finally

she made it to the entrance of the woods.

If she stood correct, the creek was a couple feet away from some mulberry bushes.
She saw them!
She never thought it would be that exciting to see those bushes filled with those berries.
The creek was there, in all it's glory. It was the boys fault for making her change her own perspective of how Nature was truly beautiful.
But floating in the shore, was the boy's easily recognizable bright orange colored hair.
It looked as if he was rotting...
Because for sure, he was no longer living.
The girl stood there in shock, not knowing what else to do, or how else to react.
She couldn't scream.
She couldn't move.
She couldn't think.
She couldn't breath.
All she was able to do at that moment, was tear up emotionlessly.
Within the breeze, she swear she heard a faint and hoarse whisper saying, "Tomorrow is Another Day."

# data[].attributes.headline
"That Day."                                                          {Originally created during the "I remember" poems in English 8th grade w/Mrs. Dannehower. Added more.}

# data[].attributes.subject
"That Day."                                                          {Originally created during the "I remember" poems in English 8th grade w/Mrs. Dannehower. Added more.}

# data[].attributes.body
I remember the every-now-and-then swoosh! And fwoosh! Of the gust of wind that would caress our faces ever so gently.

And holding hands while we were on the thin-mismatched picnic blanket set carefully on top of the hill.

I remember that I felt assured and joyful with your presence, finally being able to touch your predictable soft baby skin.

I remember beaming from ear to ear, knowing that this is what I want, this moment, to last forever and forever more.

And Nature’s animals roaming around us with neutral intent, with watchful eyes holding back the urge to interfere with the moment.

I remember taking in the Cherry Blossom Trees sweetful and refreshing aroma, attaching and lingering itself onto the tip of our noses.

And with the gusts of winds coming through, only then would I see the Sun's rays of truth, revealing the alluring color of your pulchritudinous ginger short-cut hair.

And I remember while continuing to admire every inch of you, you turned your gaze upon me with a soft smirk across your face.

I remember when seeing that little rare smile of yours, that your eyes glimmered, a way I've never seen before, and it crawled and creeped and craved my insides, my heart, making it flutter with absolute adrenaline.

Laying down on the comforting fabric of this picnic-blanket and turning my head with my eyes locked right onto yours, you disappeared, and Nature's animals came out from within distance to surround me, but that day is bound to come.

.   .   .   .   .   .   .

I was on the hill with that same mismatched picnic blanket, set so carefully beneath me, this time, by myself.

My eyes wandered around and about, looking, finding.
Could it have been you that I was looking for? Finding?

Here I stayed, patiently waiting for something, someone to arrive and change that state I was in.

Do you know what it smells like?

Do you know what it looks like?

Do you know what it feels like?

Well that fence smells like birch-wood, it's rotting.
The original color of the layers of white paint were peeling, curling and parts of it were now flying away in the wind. I knew they would never return, for now, they belonged to nature.

And that tree changed, its blossoms a bright-light pink. Remember?
Well now it's an orangey autumn tone and it looks like you. Your hair.
Your pulchritudinous, gorgeous, ginger short-cut hair.
I will never forget it.

And that feeling...
you’ll never get close to imagining that.
Using human words~
It's like drowning, but you're alive during it. You feel almost numb in a way, but when you snap right back into reality, you wish you went back to that feeling of drowning. What are you even drowning in... What am I even drowning in?

It’s perhaps better to keep it that away from you like that. Since I have no clue as to how you feel.

Will the wind continue to caress my face ever so gently as it does.. Or how it did, I should say.

Will the flowers remain bloomed and keep its refreshing aroma lingered onto the tip of my nose? Yes, mine.

Will your predictable baby soft baby skin stay within my grasp? Hold it. Don't let go. Please?

Or, will you too, remain waiting for someone, something to arrive.

Were you even there?
Experiencing and enjoying the same small abundance of things that were present, that I had felt that day?

# data[].attributes.headline
"The Person in the Mirror" {Created ...?}

# data[].attributes.subject
"The Person in the Mirror" {Created ...?}

# data[].attributes.body
The person across me, seems fairly familiar.
I lift my left hand.
They lift their right.
They look bulky, menacing.
Perhaps, but their eyes reveal that they are empty.
Almost like a thick and eerie dark chocolate color.
Their eyes are the same as mine.
Their body, flat.
They don't seem worried. Nor insecure.
I look at me.
It's there.
Small, feminine, but still it's there.
They shouldn't.
But they are there.

I look back at their face.
I turn my head to the right.
They turn theirs to the left.
Small... Pretty.
In a way, they have a cute charming childish face.
Their face is the equivalent to mine.
Their shoulders, broad.
They seem fierce. And confident.
I look at me.
It's there.
Narrow, feminine, it shouldn't be like that.
No, not like that.
But it's there.

I look at their lower body.
My eyes glance down, quick.
Only for a moment.
I saw that they too, were glancing down.
Boxy... Admirable.
They have a fairly NON-feminine lower body.
Their lower body, this time, is not the same as mine.
I spoke.
"Why?"
Their voice followed, they copied me.
Their voice, low.
They don't seem ashamed. Nor upset.
I echoed the sound of my voice in my head.
It's there.
High, feminine, why must it sound like that?
It shouldn't.
But it does.

# data[].attributes.headline
"The Reflection Reflecting My Reflection" {Created 28.04.2022}

# data[].attributes.subject
"The Reflection Reflecting My Reflection" {Created 28.04.2022}

# data[].attributes.body
I was in the bathroom, looking at my reflection in the reflection of the mirror.
Reflecting myself in the reflection of the mirror.
I peered closer and closer to my reflection.
Staring intently and deeply into the dark brown depths of my eyes.
In the dark pit of my eyes, I was able to see my reflection, reflecting onto my eyes, on the reflection of myself in the mirror.
And in the reflection in my eyes that i saw in the reflection of the mirror, I saw me looking at myself in the reflection of the mirror in each eye, with reflections of me in the reflection of the reflection of the mirror.
With that I peered even closer, and now i was able to see the smaller reflections of the reflecting reflections reflecting myself in the reflection of the mirror of my eyes.
From then on I picked up on the fact that I would see endless and infinite reflections of reflections of myself in the reflection of the mirror.
Because as i was seeing more and more of those reflections of the reflections of myself in the mirror, i saw that if i were to open my mouth or do any movement that it would be somewhat delayed, deep within the reflection of the reflections of myself in the reflection of the mirror.

# data[].attributes.attachment_caption
(A fairly close image I found that looks like the setting of this poem :3)

# data[].attributes.body
As I was lying on the luscious green grass of the field we called Home
All I could think about was how I wanted to hug you whole.
I wished to hold you and to see you roam.
I thought about getting up and to attempt that goal.
But my body kept me from doing so.
Beside me were two boulders keeping my hands from being free.
I didn't know what to do nor what was even possible so low.
I just wanted to let myself be.
Couldn't it be possible for me to go ahead and break both my arms and stand?
Careless that idea is right?
I dreamed of looking straight at you and holding your hand.
I longed to hold it tight.
Darkness was all I saw, my eyes filling with tears.
Dangling from beside me was the shattering pain of my broken arms.
I didn't think this was what I thought was fear.
I wanted to go to you no matter how far.
Everything, the pain, the desire, was all I needed to push myself further than I expected.
Ending the pain and it was just another forgotten one.
I urged myself to let the thoughts be nested.
I knew this would be just like hiding a corpse, have I really even won?