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For the longest time, I had issues sitting still in class and focusing. Everything seemed like it was moving too slow, and I was sort of nudged to the side because I liked to move faster than a lot of the kids in my class. It lead to me not being interested in class, and a sort of feeling of inferiority when I wasn't being indulged very often or given anything that would keep up with the speed my brain works at.

In particular, ages 10-13 for me were difficult because of this reason. This lines up fairly well with Erikson's theory of Industry vs. Inferiority at 5-13.

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Trust vs. Mistrust

This is the stage where a child is developing its ability to trust the caregiver based on whether or not their needs are being met.

I ended up being raised in a fairly large family. As an infant, I was taken care of to the best of my family's ability. I was the child that wasn't supposed to exist, but they wanted me just the same. This lead to me developing a good sense of trust for them as I grew older. Even when struggles arose in my later years.

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Autonomy vs. Shame and doubt

This is the stage where children are developing their ability to exercise and do things as a child as well as first developing their sense of self in regards to being able to do things.

I was a very mobile child. I liked to move around, and play very frequently. I was the epicenter of my siblings for a long time, so I always had a lot of people to learn from. I started playing by myself and being extremely confident very early on. I didn't have many issues with doubt at all.

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Initiative Vs. Guilt

This is the stage where the child is developing their ability to do things on their own and differentiating right versus wrong.

This is probably where I began having issues. I had several broken bones for a long period of time. I wasn't able to do a lot of things during this age group because of it. I had broken my arm at three and had to have several surgeries done on it following. I didn't have a lot of opportunities to socialize during this time or be my own person. It lead to a lot of pent-up frustration in the future.

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Industry vs. Inferiority

This is the stage where they are actively seeking out tasks and feeling helpful. If they aren't feeling helpful or are unable to complete a task, this is where inferiority can set in.

As stated prior, I had a lot of issues in a learning setting as I got older. My brain worked fast and I had issues slowing myself down to the pace that teachers liked to progress at. I wanted to know a lot of information quickly and complete assignments as fast as I could so I could be done. It wasn't until about 6th grade that I realized that the learning issue was just my style of learning and not something that I was doing wrong. The damage had been done and it caused there to be a major blow to my self-esteem.

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Identity vs. Confusion

This is the stage where teenagers are developing their sense of identity. Confusion and Identity go hand in hand a lot of time during this stage, especially in our day and age.

Identity and confusion are something that I am still working through right now. As a transgender male, identity is something super prevalent in my life.

Between the typical social standard, and the judgment of my own family, it has been something that I have struggled with. It is something that I will probably always struggle with considering the fact that many people will continue to have me justify why I am the way that I am. Confusion has been a big thing regarding my gender identity and my sense of self.

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Intimacy vs Isolation

This is the stage where adults are working on forming bonds with people. They are learning how to form intimate relationships and if they don't, then they may feel isolated.

I am not to this point yet, but I have a few theories on how this will go already. As I get older, I am already becoming more reserved. I don't get out very often, and my social life is limited to very few people. As far as intimacy goes, I don't believe it will be an issue, but I am very prone to isolating myself. I get stuck in the 'day-to-day' swing of things and forget to just exist for a while. It is a problem I believe I will continue to face as I go forward.

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Generativity vs. Stagnation

This is the stage where adults are working and trying to figure out where to put their imprint on life.

Realistically, I can see myself working during this time. If everything goes to plan, hopefully, I am working in marine biology. I want to inform and educate people on our aquatic issues. I will be contributing to the world like that. If that doesn't happen, then I can see myself in a state of stagnation. I can see myself being stuck in a routine of not really being sure what I am doing with myself and being frustrated.

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Integrity vs. Despair

This is the stage where adults are looking back on their life and deciding whether or not they feel like they lived a good life or if they regret it.

Hopefully by this time, I am feeling some sort of accomplishment looking back on my life. I want to be able to say that I did something that helped people. I want to at least live a life where I am content with my actions. A life where I am content with the situations I put myself into. I want to live comfortably. I can see myself going forward and doing this. It is the goal that I aspire to reach overall.

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I think, overall, I have come to the conclusion that development is not linear. Everyone develops similarly but no experience is the same. No two people will react the exact same. It is something you can theorize about and get a general understanding of, but the human brain works in ways that we don't always understand.

I had an okay childhood, and I came out different than probably two-fifths of people with similar circumstances.

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My future life is an enigma. I don't really know where I am going. It depends on things that I hold close to my heart currently, but those things can change in a few years. My goals can change. Right now, it seems like my life is a split off. One road takes me towards everything that I have ever wanted, and feeling accomplished. The other path leads me down a road of uncertainty and possible despair. It is hard for me to envision one way or the other because realistically, I do not have the ability to realistically envision myself past a certain age.

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If I continue down the road I am on, I think I will be fine as far as being a generative adult. I just need to meet a few of my goals, and I will continue down the path of being accomplished like I hope to be.

I will continue to go through college.

I will graduate.

I will continue to learn and better myself going forward.

I will remove myself from social situations that impact me negatively.

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Honestly, I am teeter-tottering on the edge of despair all the time. My mental health is something that impacts my vision of this highly. I have goals, but if I don't meet those goals, I believe it would be very easy for me to flail and fall down this path.