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˚ · .↳ [ 𝘒𝘦𝘪𝘫𝘪 ] ¡ ˚ · .

.ೃ࿔↳ [  𝘕𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳 6𝘵𝘩, 2007 ] ¡.ೃ࿔

*°ₓₒ↳ [ 𝘚𝘩𝘦/𝘏𝘦𝘳 ] ¡*°ₓₒ

｡･𝐇𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐬𝐧 𝐥𝐦𝐤 ･｡

˗ˏˋ 𝘌𝘚𝘊 ´ˎ˗

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😋Leave me cute lil notes in the comments for me to read when I get back

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😋Leave me cute lil notes in the comments for me to read when I get back

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or not
idrm

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Guys Im like leaving padlet maybe forever idk but I probably wont be on here for a month or wtv..So I need yall to do me a favor
Give me your socials- like discord, snap, tik tok, etc. I dont care I just dont wanna leave you guys
Also if i add you on discord my user is like 6Virk or sum remember that

NOW ADD ME YOU FUCKING BUMS I WANT YOU SO BAD 😠

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This is a place for me to rant, vent, or just talk on whats on my mind. Such comments that arent visible to the conversation or arent respectful, your comments will be deleted and you wont be welcomed here.

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Ratings!! If you'd like to be added let me know!

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Shino - ∞/∞
You're one of my oldest friends on here, your lovely/energetic personality is able to lift up any room you are in. I just love having your company around. And even you being in vc's is just overall great <3 You deserve this rating. I hope we can continue still being friends. I love you Shino, and I hope you do as well!

Ash - ∞/∞ You are just..Woah- Let me start over hold on HAH. I just love you, everything about you just make's me happy. You wanting to come to me for comfort means that you trust me. And I love that we can establish trust with each other! I really hope we can continue being friends. And also Im still a super duper hot top <3

Daisy - ∞/∞ OKAY WHERE DO I START? So weve been friends for a long time! 2 years right? And those years have been fucking amazing, I love your personality and how you act to me and other as well. And it was kinda funny us having a family before [ AS A JOKE ] n stuff. You really helped me out during my stress n what not. I'd just like to say thank you. <3

Luna - ∞/∞ Honestly Im gonna make this short n sweet or else im gonna be here for like an hour. Luna, I love you. You are so sweet and understanding and I like that, you deserve the world or anyone/anything. You are a queen, make sure it stays that way my niece <3

Nana - ∞/<3 We're so close that I can literally tell you anything, you're just like me. Youre my fucking little sister. You're like a mini-me at most, the times we've had our backs and just going around acting like goofballs. I love you nana, stay the way you are you monkey <33

Oliver - ∞/∞ You silly goose, weve known eachother for what? almost 2 years now? And those years were so amazing. Just speaking to you just cheers me up, your energy can really put someone out of a mood. You rubber ducky LMAO

Kyuu - ∞/∞ Even though we just like met not too long ago, you're already such a great friend to me. youre the raven to my beast boy lol. Ily mamas uwuwu

Vee - ∞/∞ OKOK. Vee I like love you so much we've been friends for so long and we practically complete each other B) I really miss you btw since I haven't been able to talk on discord but mark my words..When I get ungrounded you'll be the first to know.

Sophia - 9/10 Well we have had our up's and down's..( well actually a good few ) but in the end we've became pretty good friends :DD

Dio / Corn / Jake from State Farm - 10/10 Ugh your energy is just amazing, I like you lil oc pad too but finish it >:(( And ily sm/p stay gold and crisp my state buddy B))

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I really need to change, I cant continue doing stupid shit and expecting no outcome from it. Every day you have choices to make, they can be either good or bad.
But I really need to stop, because of my choices Im now probably going to be grounded for another month..Yes..ANOTHER. But I deserve it, the whole thing is my fault.
I need to grow up, I need to be more mature because I cannot live like this. Constantly getting in trouble and wanting to blame everything and everyone else besides me, it's just not right. I need to not be so damn stupid. Even my parents say Im a fairly bright person. I just have to dedicate myself to do that, and use my knowledge to actually succeed! And not to just use it to cut corners or to lie or to just get myself out of trouble because it never works. I really need to get myself in order.

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Do not follow my foorsteps at all❗

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my ex told me that I changed badly
so someone tell me how I changed 🕺

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People that just bring up the past and apologize about it is kinda weird..
It happened, you cant change the past bro. 🙂

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😥 Re-doing my oc pad
And what I mean by that is re-writing oc's
this is finna take ages.

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Okay this is starting to make my head hurt
what the hell am I seeing this sob

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smfh
I asked my mom for my phone for tomorrow but she said
"No, you will not have that phone because you are punished. And when you do get it back it wont be the same phone"
Watch her give me a fucking flip phone.

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I hope I get ungrounded soon because I went 'missing' ( I was deadass eating at a wingstop with my friend but his phone died) for all of saturday (I came home at like 6 pm )

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Yall I just found out what the school record for the 100m for girls is for my school.
it's a 12.07...Thats so underwhelming- its pretty shitty
that was from a senior from 2009!!
My first year running and my pr is already a 12.69 (great number )

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Its a Wrap - Mariah Carey >>

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Bro
It cant just be me whenever before my track events I need to take a emergency bathroom break.

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DUDEDUDE
So practice was like super duper long but I got a ride from my friend :DD
We got food after too it was so cool

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Whoever liked all of my posts
I love you

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My hand hurts like superduper bad
I burned it on the oven on the back of my hand :[
I need someone to kiss my hand

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The fact is that I brought lotion for this person because I was so sick and tired of the ashy-ness on their body

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I was literally dying laughing yesterday
My friend show me a picture of her running in track and I cant
WHY DO PEOPLE LOOK SO SILLY WHEN THEY RUN? FACIAL WISE?

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ME AND MY FRIEND WERE MAKING IT LIKE WERE SIBLINGS JUST DIFFERENT MOMS
AND EVERYONE IS BELIEVING US

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I am so bad with names..
Like- Im good with faces and remembering things but names? Nahh

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I feel like a princess
This guy requested to hold me bridal style because I had track spikes on. ( you should NEVER walk with spikes on the concrete because it completely ruins them ) he's so nice aa

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BRO
Im the biggest clutch ever
Finished a big essay in under like 3 hours before it was due

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Literally sobbing
My senior friend said that I have a great chance to be D 1 for track but I just got to put in effort..
MY SHINS DAWG! I have shin splints

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Just going to use this to separate my thoughts and vents!!

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Im putting effort into things I shouldnt.

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Me and this person had an argument, they gave me nothing. Me apologizing over and over for not a single good outcome, Im sick of it. I tell you what ive been trying to do just you make you happy and you respond with so much uninterest it's like I bore you. The whole reason why I dont vent to others is because of you. You dont even know how heart-breaking that is for me. You just think Im some leach latching on for everything, which isnt true.
I dont want to speak to you, you make me anxious it's like if I say anything that isnt to your liking it's going to cause some trouble. I request something, you take it into a bad way which I didnt want it to be something bad at all! And now you're just giving me cold treatment as Im trying to fix things? Yeah, never again. I shouldnt have to give 200% as you're only giving a solid 40%. It's not fair, dont expect me to fucking forgive you either, what you did was just beyond repairable.

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I fucking hate this
Im trying to talk it out but no, you give out SUCH shitty signals and it drives me literally insane. You say this for a completely different meaning than mine, Im just trying to see the good in things like this. But no, you see me as a threat..If I'm a threat why should I try and bust my ass just for you to get hurt again? Does it make sense? NO IT DOESNT. I'm so glad I removed you from my life, but you continue to fucking show up in my mind somehow. I hate it,
I hate you
I dont want you to be apart of me anymore, but a side of me just see's myself as a failure because I fucked up and tried to fix it, believe me. I tried so many times, but just you wanting to see me as a selfish person that only thinks about myself is toxic. That's going to be the last time I twist and turn myself just to have a person be happy with me, if you dont like me it isnt my problem. I'll be happy with who I am, not wanting to change into something Im not.

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And I think it's a real problem. Like Ive met many many people in and out of the virtual world. And if they even give me the smallest amount of affection or what not I become completely attached, and to see them leave or not be friends with me anymore leaving me in the dust it really hurts. Or being backstabbed-- I hate being backstabbed, it only makes things worse if youre not wanting to be honest with me on someone and hide things away. Believe me, I'll probably be less upset if you tell me straight up without me having to find out myself. But yeah I miss them, I miss them a lot actually. We never really spoke until like last week but they're probably my best friend now. Seeing them just makes me really happy almost like a warm feeling, that I can really trust them!

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Things have been happening off and on here.
I hate it, I hate it so much.
It's like I cant even act the same when they're around, always self centered and just keeping things to myself.
I cant trust them, I cant act the same like I did before.
People have assured me that it's fine and it'll all blow over
But will it? Will we be okay like we were before?
What if what we did was permanent, what if I cant just go back and ask to start over if what we said, did or even thought cant be recalled for.
I just need a break, I need a break from problems.
If I can live rent free for just a week i'd do anything just to get that.
Im over-stressed, I don't even know what to do anymore.

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"So? How'd it go!"

"It didnt go well, eventually we parted ways."

"Aw man..Why??"

"Because it was my fault, we cant be friends anymore because it's MY fault."

"Well it couldnt be all of your fault, it'd have to be some of their as well."

"Thats exactly what Im saying! But they dont want to listen!! Always on and on about their problems when it's both of ours!"

"Well have you tried to talk with them?"

"I have, ever since yesterday I've been trying to come with solutions but they dont work."

"Well hopefully they'll consider!"

"Yeah..Doubt it."

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I want to leave
I dont want to be here any longer
They might say it's my fault but it's yours too. No one is the victim in this, Ive been wanting to leave for ages now but never had the courage. I need her consent to kick me out
I want her to leave me be and whatever happens to me is my consequence.
I know better, Im not dumb.
I just want someone to take me and assure me that woman will never come near me again.

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"Why dont you just change?"

"What you think I havent?"

"Yes, I mean just look at you, you're just a mess."

"Believe me, I know. I've tried so many times to change but I go back to the same routes."

"Then just try harder, I dont want to hear your pity."

"Okay."

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"No."

"What do you mean?"

"Not again, please I don't want you near me."

"But we can get through it, right? Just like the other times!"

"But this time it's different, It's only getting worse. And you keep ruining it for me."

"I'm not ruining anything, I want my old life back, and I know you do too."

"Maybe Im just being dumb and ignorant."

"Dont say that, You're great just the way you are"

"Thank you."

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Im starting to fall in love with myself again! But what's really been messing with my self esteem and confidence is..My own mother, crazy isnt it? Yeah I cant believe it either, "Why are you eating so much?" "Why are you eating so little?" "Your face is just so ugly" "Your smile is so pretty" "Stop slouching it makes you look like a troll" "Stand up straight baby" "Youre just so beautiful /My Name/" I hate it, make up your fucking mind woman, am I beautiful enough for your standards? She criticizes me over everything, if I dont shower for just 1 day..ONE day I get cussed out, If I stay in bed sleeping all day it pisses her off, If I do anything matter of fact it just pisses her off. And she wonders why I dont want to see her, or hang out with her anymore saying Im the problem..Is it really me or just your ignorance, mother? Ive been wanting to run away for ages not but Ive just never had the real plan to do so, now Im actually taking plans on living with my friend and his grandmother until I graduate highschool, shes threatened me on how it'd be if I ran away, saying on how I'll end up just like my older sister on the streets as a drug addict. Which I wont, I know from right and from wrong, I know exactly what I'll be doing if I manage to run away, I'll pay off anything that I need to pay for my friends grandma, get a job with my friend and save up until we graduate highschool and have enough to buy ourselves an apartment. So really, Im tired of my mom and for many good reasons.

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Who just waits for their special person to be online just for you to greet them like a happy little puppy. Always getting pissed off whenever their attention isn't on you, and constantly..Loving them? Over and over and over about every little detail their body holds on everything that they do out of habit. Just makes you want to kill that person that they're talking to yknow what I mean? I could say it a million times that I love them..I do love them..I want to make sure they're just with me, only me. Fuck I am obsessive.

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I love him so much, I want to be with him 24/7. Walk the farthest path just to touch his hand to hold. I want to be one with him, I need him, I adore him. His smile, his laugh, his funny rants and cries. It just makes my heart flutter seeing him happy with me. I hate seeing people backlash at me and scream saying its my fault. I mean I leave and say that it doesnt affect me when it really does. I want everyone to like me. But it's never possible--

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Look, being nice is good and all but sometimes I cant take it, people using you just to get things "Oh no dont worry they're gonna say yes!" I used to be used a lot..For money, clothes, and reputation. I began to lose it. Im a lot more rude than I was before, even my family always calls me grumpy "Where did my nice little girl go?" She's gone, long ways away. I used to be a sweet kid, but ever since I was getting stressed out I had no way to cope with myself, I began to scratch myself. My arms, legs, anywhere. It made me feel calm..But it'd always be bad, this is why I dont like wearing such revealing clothes because of it, so many dots of scars everywhere..Even my own mother called them disgusting, gee way to go for self-confidence.

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Try and act all so fucking dumb or cocky to be cute? It isnt cute at all..Its just so fucking annoying and it wastes my time, times real essential and precious yknow. Taking about 5mins away from me when I argue with you is so annoying, only saying the same thing over and over trying to make yourself look bad or try to make yourself the damn victim. I hate people who do that. You were just arguing with me and all of a sudden you want to act all fucking soft to get all of the damn attention and make me look like the bad guy.

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Anxious, like one day my karma will finally catch up to me or when I dont know what to do with my life anymore and fall down a wrong path..I see my friends and others already knowing where they'll be in the next 10-15 years. Well I dont know a damn thing, I always wanted to be an pilot or a astronaut when I was younger. But now I really am blank, its like a canvas more say. Youre able to do anything youd like to it and form it into a beautiful masterpiece or a roaring terror. Mine right now, is mostly blank. The only splotches of anything is from my younger self, but Im not young anymore..Im getting older and Ill soon die, dunno when that year will come but I hope it isnt so soon.