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-Why is it important to cultivate relationships with families?
-What strategies do you already use to cultivate relationships with families?
-What is a new strategy that you have learned to cultivate relationships with families?
-What barriers to connection do you see in our school? Brainstorm possible solutions for these barriers.

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-Why is it important to cultivate relationships with staff?
-What strategies do you already use to cultivate relationships with staff?
-What is a new strategy that you have learned to cultivate relationships with staff?
-What barriers to connection do you see in our school?  Brainstorm possible solutions for these barriers.

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-Why is it important to cultivate relationships with students?
-What strategies do you already use to cultivate relationships with students?
-What is a new strategy that you have learned to cultivate relationships with students?
-What barriers to connection do you see in our school?  Brainstorm possible solutions for these barriers.

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Collaboration: Partnering With Colleagues, Families, and Caregivers to Promote Student Success - NCLD

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Collaboration is an effective tool that allows general educators, special educators, learning specialists, administrators, and others to work together to meet the needs of students. It is particularly important to sustain inclusive settings.

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Veronica Crespin-Palmer • TEDxMileHigh

"Families don't care about their children's education." That's what Veronica Crespin-Palmer heard from fellow educators, but she knew from experience that it wasn't true. In this inspiring talk, she explains what's possible when teachers, administrators and superintendents empower low-income families and families of color to support their children's learning at home and lead the movement for educational equity. Veronica Crespin-Palmer is the co-founder and CEO of RISE Colorado, a non-profit in Aurora that educates, engages and empowers low-income families and families of color to fight for educational equity in our public-school system. Born and raised in Denver, Veronica is a seventh generation Colorado native. She began her career in Los Angeles as a Teach For America (TFA) corps member and has over 10 years of experience as a teacher, organizer and social entrepreneur. She was recently chosen as an Inaugural Obama Foundation Fellow and is a proud wife and mother of two. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at https://www.ted.com/tedx

Become a TED Member

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Veronica Crespin-Palmer: How families will transform our broken school system | Veronica Crespin-Palmer | TEDxMileHigh

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"Families don't care about their children's education." That's what Veronica Crespin-Palmer heard from fellow educators, but she knew from experience that it wasn't true. In this inspiring talk, she explains what's possible when teachers, administrators and superintendents empower low-income families and families of color to support their children's learning at home and lead the movement for educational equity.

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20 Tips for Developing Positive Relationships With Parents

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Blogger Elena Aguilar shares 20 tips to help teachers better connect with parents.

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Families Matter for STEM Learning

This video highlights the importance of family engagement in STEM (science, technology, engineering, and math) learning.

Share this video on social media!

Student success in the world today requires strong science, technology, engineering, and math (STEM) skills and the capacity to apply these skills in everyday life. As a child's first teacher, families play a critical role in the development of STEM capacities.

Research shows there are three main ways that families strengthen STEM learning from early childhood through adolescence:

Families can develop a STEM-rich home environment.

Families can create a mindset that promotes strong STEM identities.

Families can strengthen STEM learning by participating in activities across a variety of settings.

These practices not only build student academic skills but also strengthen the bonds between families and their students while empowering families to be confident in their powerful role in STEM learning. Practitioners can also use the 5Rs of engagement-Reach Out, Raise Up, Reinforce, Relate, and Reimagine-as strategies for strengthening families' capacities for creating effective opportunities in STEM learning.

These ideas and the concepts featured in the video draw from research presented in the recently released monograph, " Promising Practices for Engagin g Families in STEM Learning," which focuses on how families, schools, and out-of-school communities can promote student success in STEM by building organized and equitable pathways for family engagement across all of the settings in which students learn.
This video is part of a four-part series on family engagement in STEM learning.

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Families Matter for STEM Learning This video highlights the importance of family engagement in STEM (science, technology, engineering, and math) learning. Share this video on social media! Student success in the world today requires strong science, technology, engineering, and math (STEM) skills and the capacity to apply these skills in everyday life.

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Teachers Supporting Teachers: A Social Network Perspective on Collegial Stress Support and Emotional Wellbeing Among Elementary and Middle School Educators

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School mental health practitioners and researchers are increasingly concerned about educator job-related stress and its implications for teacher burnout, teaching efficacy, turnover, and student outcomes. Educators’ collegial networks in their…

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Form a Birthday Committee

Try persuading a few of your colleagues to join you in recognizing every birthday for every adult on campus. Commit to getting a card and a small gift, like candy or a pre-paid coffee card. As you work to recognize each birthday, your committee may start to grow. A gesture of kindness goes a long way in helping to develop trust among staff members. Keep things small and simple to avoid adding stress to the workplace. It's not the items that help grow trust but the gesture. (Hint: Be sure to include all adults on campus, not just the teachers. Also, find a creative way to acknowledge summer and holiday birthdays, too.)

Strive for Understanding

Just like with their students, teachers know when a colleague isn't really listening. Whether you are hearing the same complaint from Negative Nellie or sitting through another round of "Why I'm Awesome" from Mr. or Mrs. Superstar, listen like you care. Avoid the temptation to see a caricature and determine instead to connect with a real person. Contribute something positive to their story. Don't simply tolerate; participate, genuinely. Test your ability to be compassionate, even when your coworker seems to be stuck in a repeating vine.

We've all heard the expression, "You are what you eat." According to Kenneth Kendler, Director of the Virginia Institute for Psychiatric and Behavioral Genetics at Virginia Commonwealth University, rather than people "being what they eat" they should be understood as "being what they experience."

Keeping this in mind can help us show empathy for our fellow teachers, office staff, custodians, paraeducators, volunteers, food service staff, administrators, and more. Empathy and understanding are game changers in any profession.

Share Something Positive

When my son entered middle school, where I teach, he was welcomed warmly and treated with great care by my colleagues. At a staff meeting early in the year, I stood up and shared how much I appreciated how they had made him feel special. I named each teacher and let him or her know that Lucas (my son) enjoyed telling us about school each evening. I said, "He loves it here, and you're the reason why." It would have been very easy to say nothing. Each of us faces situations where we could determine to say something positive. If we look for opportunities to thank or recognize our colleagues, we will be doing our part to strengthen relationships and improve climate.

Our staff meetings begin with "celebrations," which allow anyone to share something positive about someone else. If you have a rocky relationship with a colleague, publicly sharing something positive can be a first step toward mending the rift. It might be as simple as, "I really appreciate how quiet Ms. Loyd's class was while working in the hall today" or "Last night's band concert was awesome. I know how much hard work that took." We all want to work with people who build others up.

If your staff meetings don't begin with celebrations, ask your principal to consider giving them a try this year.

Show Up to Social Events

Like any organization, there are social events planned throughout the school year. Teachers and administrators plan barbecues and golf tournaments, participate in holiday gatherings, attend retirement parties and baby showers. These may not seem very important, but our presence says as much, or more, as our absence when it comes to these events. Last year, I went to my first book club meeting at a coworker's home. (Turned out I was the only male in attendance.) What I thought might be uncomfortable turned out to be loads of fun, with food, drink, discussion, and, most importantly, laughter. The conversations continued back at work, and positive connections were established.

Taking time to show up - and contribute to - planned activities is part of building trust. The teachers who regularly stay away leave doubts in the minds of their colleagues. Doubt erodes trust. This year, make a point of attending some of the social events organized by your staff. Better yet, join in planning one of these events. Your effort might pay off in ways you don't yet anticipate.

Avoid Gossip

This might be the most important item on the list. Nothing erodes relationships more quickly or more decisively than gossip. I am guilty of it. Despite my best intentions, I find myself pulled toward sharing that little piece of juicy information that might elevate my own position while devaluing a colleague. Even when disguised in loose generalities, even when names are "left out," gossip acts as a cancer in any workplace. My personal and professional commitment for the coming year is to abstain from anything that remotely resembles gossip. If you have a colleague you trust, consider making a pact to do the same. Commit to changing the things around us by changing the things inside us. If it sounds like gossip, walk away. Even better, point it out as gently as possible. Something as simple as, "Maybe we should talk about something else" clearly demonstrates your good intentions. By using "we" instead of "you," the message is inclusive and not intended to single out any individual. This simple stand might inspire others to follow your lead.

I am committed to these five action steps for the coming school year. I invite you to partner with me. Together, we can enact some education reform that actually makes a difference.
Chad Donohue is a middle school teacher, blogger, and adjunct professor living in Snohomish, Washington. Chad writes passionately about issues pertaining to educators, students, and families. He has been teaching since 1993.

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Building Positive Relationships with Fellow Educators | NEA

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Try persuading a few of your colleagues to join you in recognizing every birthday for every adult on campus. Commit to getting a card and a small gift, like candy or a pre-paid coffee card. As you work to recognize each birthday, your committee may start to grow.

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Form a Birthday Committee

Try persuading a few of your colleagues to join you in recognizing every birthday for every adult on campus. Commit to getting a card and a small gift, like candy or a pre-paid coffee card. As you work to recognize each birthday, your committee may start to grow. A gesture of kindness goes a long way in helping to develop trust among staff members. Keep things small and simple to avoid adding stress to the workplace. It's not the items that help grow trust but the gesture. (Hint: Be sure to include all adults on campus, not just the teachers. Also, find a creative way to acknowledge summer and holiday birthdays, too.)

Strive for Understanding

Just like with their students, teachers know when a colleague isn't really listening. Whether you are hearing the same complaint from Negative Nellie or sitting through another round of "Why I'm Awesome" from Mr. or Mrs. Superstar, listen like you care. Avoid the temptation to see a caricature and determine instead to connect with a real person. Contribute something positive to their story. Don't simply tolerate; participate, genuinely. Test your ability to be compassionate, even when your coworker seems to be stuck in a repeating vine.

We've all heard the expression, "You are what you eat." According to Kenneth Kendler, Director of the Virginia Institute for Psychiatric and Behavioral Genetics at Virginia Commonwealth University, rather than people "being what they eat" they should be understood as "being what they experience."

Keeping this in mind can help us show empathy for our fellow teachers, office staff, custodians, paraeducators, volunteers, food service staff, administrators, and more. Empathy and understanding are game changers in any profession.

Share Something Positive

When my son entered middle school, where I teach, he was welcomed warmly and treated with great care by my colleagues. At a staff meeting early in the year, I stood up and shared how much I appreciated how they had made him feel special. I named each teacher and let him or her know that Lucas (my son) enjoyed telling us about school each evening. I said, "He loves it here, and you're the reason why." It would have been very easy to say nothing. Each of us faces situations where we could determine to say something positive. If we look for opportunities to thank or recognize our colleagues, we will be doing our part to strengthen relationships and improve climate.

Our staff meetings begin with "celebrations," which allow anyone to share something positive about someone else. If you have a rocky relationship with a colleague, publicly sharing something positive can be a first step toward mending the rift. It might be as simple as, "I really appreciate how quiet Ms. Loyd's class was while working in the hall today" or "Last night's band concert was awesome. I know how much hard work that took." We all want to work with people who build others up.

If your staff meetings don't begin with celebrations, ask your principal to consider giving them a try this year.

Show Up to Social Events

Like any organization, there are social events planned throughout the school year. Teachers and administrators plan barbecues and golf tournaments, participate in holiday gatherings, attend retirement parties and baby showers. These may not seem very important, but our presence says as much, or more, as our absence when it comes to these events. Last year, I went to my first book club meeting at a coworker's home. (Turned out I was the only male in attendance.) What I thought might be uncomfortable turned out to be loads of fun, with food, drink, discussion, and, most importantly, laughter. The conversations continued back at work, and positive connections were established.

Taking time to show up - and contribute to - planned activities is part of building trust. The teachers who regularly stay away leave doubts in the minds of their colleagues. Doubt erodes trust. This year, make a point of attending some of the social events organized by your staff. Better yet, join in planning one of these events. Your effort might pay off in ways you don't yet anticipate.

Avoid Gossip

This might be the most important item on the list. Nothing erodes relationships more quickly or more decisively than gossip. I am guilty of it. Despite my best intentions, I find myself pulled toward sharing that little piece of juicy information that might elevate my own position while devaluing a colleague. Even when disguised in loose generalities, even when names are "left out," gossip acts as a cancer in any workplace. My personal and professional commitment for the coming year is to abstain from anything that remotely resembles gossip. If you have a colleague you trust, consider making a pact to do the same. Commit to changing the things around us by changing the things inside us. If it sounds like gossip, walk away. Even better, point it out as gently as possible. Something as simple as, "Maybe we should talk about something else" clearly demonstrates your good intentions. By using "we" instead of "you," the message is inclusive and not intended to single out any individual. This simple stand might inspire others to follow your lead.

I am committed to these five action steps for the coming school year. I invite you to partner with me. Together, we can enact some education reform that actually makes a difference.
Chad Donohue is a middle school teacher, blogger, and adjunct professor living in Snohomish, Washington. Chad writes passionately about issues pertaining to educators, students, and families. He has been teaching since 1993.

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Building Positive Relationships with Fellow Educators | NEA

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Try persuading a few of your colleagues to join you in recognizing every birthday for every adult on campus. Commit to getting a card and a small gift, like candy or a pre-paid coffee card. As you work to recognize each birthday, your committee may start to grow.

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Enjoy the videos and music you love, upload original content, and share it all with friends, family, and the world on YouTube.

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Practices for fostering a positive school climate where students and staff feel a sense of connection and belonging

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Benefits of and Strategies for Teacher Collaboration In & Outside of MTSS

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When it’s done right, collaboration between teachers in & outside of #MTSS contributes to school improvement and student success. Here are some strategies:

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The new question-of-the-week is:
What are practical ways to implement restorative practices?
There is more and more interest in moving away from "traditional" school discipline and toward restorative practices. This series will explore what that kind of shift can look like-in practical terms-inside our schools and classrooms.

Today, Dr. Sheila Wilson, Maurice McDavid, Timothy Hilton, Ashley McCall, Bryan Harris, and Kara Pranikoff contribute their commentaries. You can listen to a ten-minute conversation I had with Sheila, Maurice, and Timothy on my BAM! Radio Show. You can also find a list of, and links to, previous shows here.
"When You Know Better, You Do Better!" Dr. Sheila Wilson is a native New Orleanian. She currently works as a 5th grade teacher in Virginia. In addition to instructional leadership, she serves to improve the capacity of students, teachers, and families through her roles as grade chair, lead mentor teacher, family-engagement liaison, and SCA adviser. Dr. Wilson is also an adjunct professor, conference presenter, and self-proclaimed lifelong learner. She is passionate about amplifying instruction, school leadership, and equity:
We are all familiar with the discipline practices of yesteryear, which would likely cause any conscientious educator today to cringe. Corporal punishment/traditional discipline practices were widely accepted and viewed as a means of correcting unwanted negative behaviors. I can vividly remember being a high school sophomore assigned to write 500 lines for being caught passing a note in the classroom. And who can forget the ultimate ... getting paddled in the principal's office! Even though it didn't personally happen to me (really), just the idea evoked fear in students of all ages and deterred most from mischievous acts. So, why was corporal punishment acceptable then? Why is corporal punishment no longer an accepted discipline practice in most places? Is punishment designed for those who obey the rules or for others? These questions make me call to mind the adage, "When you know better, you do better!"

Countless studies have shown that traditional discipline practices are no longer effective in today's schools. In fact, traditional practices were so commonplace in part because the ability to apply an immediate consequence was less time consuming for the one doling out the punishment. However, we now embrace restorative practices because they draw their strength in their ability to empower students to learn from unacceptable choices, to understand their impact, and to grow personally in their ability to make more sound decisions and resolve problems. Restorative practices represent a positive step forward in helping all students learn to resolve disagreements, take ownership of their behavior, and engage in acts of empathy and forgiveness.

There are many ways to implement restorative practices in the classroom. First, teachers can incorporate daily morning meetings to build relationships with students, get a sense of their social/emotional mindset, and set the tone and focus for the instructional day. Teachers can also utilize goal setting with their students as a restorative practice. With goal setting, students take ownership of areas they'd like to improve (academically or socially), and they set realistic and actionable steps to work toward their goal. By providing individual goal conferences, teachers can check in to see if students are on track to meet their goals, and students learn to self-check and refocus as needed. Another useful strategy is when an unacceptable behavior has happened that the teacher allows the offended student to share how the offense made him/her feel. In this way, the offender is able to understand how his/her behavior impacts others and therefore understand the perspective of the other person. Finally, there is great restorative power in having the student who has made an unacceptable choice reflect on his/her behavior in writing by addressing very specific questions like: What choice did I make? How did my choice impact others? Is there a better way that I could have addressed this situation? If I had the opportunity for a redo, would I make the same choice? Why or why not?

There are a number of benefits or restorative practices:

Builds relationships

Strives to be respectful to all

Provides the opportunity for equitable dialogue and decisionmaking

Involves relevant stakeholders

Addresses harms, needs, obligations

Encourages all to take responsibility

Educators have come to realize that you can't punish a child into doing anything. Instead of simply instituting harsh punishment, we need to teach kids the kind of skills, supported by research, to help them improve their behavior. This is why districts are embracing the implementation of restorative structures in schools across the nation. In building socially responsible students, we must arm them with the ability to think critically, problem-solve, and be able to work collaboratively with others. It will be through their mastery of academic knowledge AND their capacity to engage successfully with others that will ultimately guarantee their future success. Therefore, as educators, we must invest our efforts wisely.

Four Restorative Practices
Maurice McDavid earned his bachelor's degree in elementary education with a minor in history and Spanish. He has taught middle school history, English, and Spanish, as well as high school geography. He was dean of students for three years and is now in his first year as assistant principal at a bilingual elementary school.:

There are four restorative practices that I have worked to implement in our school building that all work on the same model of restorative justice: community-building circles, norm setting, community circles for content, and restorative chats.

Community-building circles: This practice is great for the beginning of the year, as well as use throughout the year to build a community of learners. This allows the students to get to know one another, as well as the teacher. This practice builds empathy amongst the students and will reduce the negative attacking behaviors that can exist in classrooms.

Norm setting: This practice is done using the model of a community-building circle but emphasizes the building of classroom norms together. Oftentimes, rules are handed down by authority and are necessary. Through the norm-setting process, students discuss the values (love, kindness, honesty, etc.) that are important to them in a relationship. From there, students take the values and turn them into action statements describing how they could live out those values in the classroom. A list of action statements or norms are created and can then be edited together as a class. What is awesome about this process is that the norms created are not adult-driven but instead are created as a community and thus has more community buy-in.

Community circles for content: This again uses the community-circle model for the base of practice. The difference is that rather than simply looking to build community, you can use the circle to present content in a class. It is a great discussion model. I have used it to introduce units and gather feedback about students' background information. The students are able to share openly and yet in an organized fashion, using the talking piece to moderate.

Restorative chats: Restorative chats are used when students do not meet the norms that were established in the classroom. It can be one on one or can be done with the whole class. It is centered around the following four questions:

What happened? - This differs from what did you do and allows students to tell the whole story and feel heard.

What were you thinking at the time? - This asks students to go back through the mental process they used when making the decision to act outside of the norms. This is a meta-cognitive practice. It allows for reflection on what thoughts and/or emotions may have led to the behavior.

Who or what was harmed? - This question asks the student to be accountable for the idea that their behavior caused harm to someone or something. Students are quick to discover that they have harmed themselves and, oftentimes, see how their behavior has harmed a teacher or classmate. This builds empathy.

How do you repair the harm? - This question asks the student to think about how they can make the situation right rather than simply serving a consequence that is not directly connected to the action. Students may offer to apologize or clean up a mess created. Students get to be a part of deciding what happens rather than having a decision made for them.

Starting "Small" Timothy Hilton is a climate and culture specialist with the Fresno Unified school district, in California, where he coaches teachers on classroom management and class climate. Timothy has over 10 years classroom-teaching experience at every level of social studies, ranging from Advanced Placement to English-language development. Timothy is currently a doctoral candidate at Claremont Graduate University in the field of educational policy, evaluation, and reform:
The Restorative practices world is a world that many educators fear simply because they do not know a lot about it. Educators are rarely trained to an adequate level in how to make Restorative Practices (RP) work in their daily lives. Teachers are usually shown the heavy-duty re-entry circles or conflict mediation to demonstrate the power of RP, but this often leaves teachers intimidated, overwhelmed, and asking how this is going to work for them.

The best, and most practical way, to implement restorative practices in the classroom is to start small with some basic restorative skills that can be practiced in your classroom, and even in your life outside of school. These skills are listening, affective communication, and curiosity questions. Once these skills have been practiced, lived, and embraced, then teacher can begin working into the heavier-duty RP practices.

Listening: While the concept of listening seems self-explanatory, we as teachers do not always do it. We are often trying to do a million things at once and, in turn, never really listen to our students. We hear them, but do we listen? In a restorative classroom, there are a couple ways we can demonstrate that we are listening. First is by mirroring their emotions and feelings about a topic. If they are serious when they are telling you something, then be serious as you listen. Second is by demonstrating active listening and paraphrasing. Saying things like, "What I am hearing you say is ..." Third is by being present and validating their feelings. If they are telling you something, make sure you are in the conversation and not planning your grocery list. A big part of being present is validating their feelings. You can do this by making statements such as, " I understand why you are upset." Or, "I cannot even imagine what you must be feeling, but that you so much for sharing with me."

Affective Communication: Also known as I-messages, these are powerful restorative tools that can be easily used in every classroom. These statements are done to connect the actions of your students to the impact they have on you. Affective statements require teachers to be willing to be honest and share their feelings. Affective statements follow simple formulas that can be used in every affective statement you make, "I feel/felt _____ when you _____." Another example is, "I would like/what I need is _____." The statement frames can be combined or used independently and might look like this, "I felt disappointed when I caught you cheating on the test. " Or,

"I felt sad yesterday when I found out you lied to me because I have always trusted you. I need you to trust me enough to be honest with me. " These questions tie the actions of an individual to the effect they had, something students often forget about.

Curiosity Questions: These are genuine questions you would ask someone to learn more about their situation. Imagine a student just does not seem to be having a good day. You can pull them aside and ask some curiosity questions to find out more. Simple questions like, "How are you doing today?" Or, "You seem kind of off today, is everything OK?" These questions help dive into an issue, but curiosity questions can also help resolve a conflict, "How did it make you feel when Tommy hit you?" or "What do you need Tommy to say to you to feel better?" These are just some very surface-level examples, but many more can be found online and in print resources.

Online Resources for Support Ashley McCall is a 3rd grade English/language arts educator at Chavez Multicultural Academic Center in Back of the Yards (Chicago) where she serves as a teacher representative on the local school council. She is a Teach Plus Teaching Policy Fellowship alumna and a member of the Teach Plus Board:
Many districts that are new to restorative practices are under the impression that it is a program to implement. It is not. Restorative practices are about shifting the mindsets and developing the capacity of stakeholders (students, families, teachers, administrators, receptionists, cafeteria staff, security staff, etc.) so they are invested in the culture and climate of the building and accept responsibility for maintaining a safe, enjoyable, and productive environment for all involved. When stakeholders are invested and properly trained, we are able to effectively sustain healthy school climates and respond effectively to breaches in our social contract.

If you are looking to shift toward more restorative practices in your school, you need buy-in across stakeholder groups. Consider how you (and a diverse group of stakeholders) will make a case for and create a sense of urgency around restorative practices at your school. Consider how you can use data as a reflective tool (rather than a tool for shaming and punishment) to drive conversations around the culture, climate, and current disciplinary practices.

Conflict-Resolution Sentence Starters As a career-long educator, Bryan Harris has served in a variety of roles from classroom teacher to district-level leader. Now working full time as a trainer, his work focuses on topics ranging from student engagement to teacher resiliency. Find out more at his website:
At the heart of restorative practices-in fact, it's right there in the name-is helping students learn how to repair and restore relationships after a conflict, hurt, offense, or fight.

The sad fact is that far too many of our students enter school without effective conflict-resolution skills. This includes the skill of recognizing when you've done harm to someone else and how to fix it. Notice that I didn't say that kids don't have any conflict-resolution skills. The fact is that they do-it's just that many of the skills and communication methods they've acquired are not healthy or productive.

So, as teachers and leaders, what do we do?

The first step is knowing that conflict is normal and cannot be fully avoided as long as you interact with other people. Once we help our students understand this very important idea, helping them develop and refine skills that communicate remorse is a great next step. In other words, teach them the power of an apology.

When students know how to sincerely offer and genuinely accept an apology, it serves as the foundation to restore broken relationships.

Have you ever seen something like this before?

Student A (we'll call them the offender) sheepishly walks over to Student B and says, "Sorry." They mumble the word under their breath while looking directly at the ground, arms folded the entire time.

Student B (we'll call them the victim) reluctantly says, "That's OK," while also looking at the ground and counting the seconds until they can run away.

In this all-too-common scenario, both students are likely embarrassed, and the conflict is not resolved. While some of the right words were used, Student A didn't truly apologize, and Student B didn't authentically accept it.

Imagine how different that interaction would be if students used specific words and phrases that communicate remorse for the offense and acceptance of an apology. It might sound like this:

Student A: "I am sorry for drawing that picture of you and showing it to your friends. I realize that made you feel sad. I promise I'll never do that again. Will you please forgive me?"

Student B: "Since you promised to never do that again, I accept your apology."

Notice the difference in the words. A great first place to start is by teaching students, by the use of sentence starters, which words are most effective at offering and accepting an apology. The following examples are great places to start:
How to Offer an Apology
* I apologize for ...

* It was my fault that _______ happened. I apologize for letting it happen.

* I realize that....

* I realize that _____ was my fault and I am sorry for making you feel ________.

* I am truly sorry that I did this. I want to make things better. Tell me how I can do that.
How to Accept an Apology
* I accept your apology. Make sure this does not happen again.

* Because I know you will not do this again, I accept your apology.

* I'll accept your apology because....

* Because you know that ______ was wrong, I accept your apology.

* Because you know that ______ hurt me, I can accept your apology.

Four Strategies for Promoting Restorative Practices
Kara Pranikoff is an elementary school teacher at a public school in New York City. Her book, Teaching Talk: A Practical Guide to Fostering Student Thinking and Conversation (Heinemann, 2017), shares many ways to keep the balance of classroom discussion in the hands of the students:

It was a beautiful springtime morning in New York. I walked into the yard to pick up my 2nd graders, and they swarmed to me, ready to begin our day.

Hudson stood atypically off to the side. Bending down to meet his eyes, I asked what was going on. "I don't want to talk about it now," he said quietly. "But may I give a public-service announcement when we get up to our room?"

"Public-service announcements" were statements that students needed to share with the rest of the community. Often these were messages that would increase our efficiency. (Can everyone place their jackets on hooks so that the space stays neat?) Or messages that would help us work better together. (Remember, we need to have a calmer science class so we can do our experiment.)

"I'd like to speak with everyone, even before we unpack," he requested. I was unsure about the content of his message, but it was clear that Hudson needed to begin our day.

Students entered the class, placed backpacks at their tables, and moved directly onto the rug. Hudson took a seat in the front corner of our meeting area, and I settled onto the bench in-between his peers.

"I'm feeling a little sad today," he began. "I just want everyone to know that last night my great-grandmother died. I want everyone to know that I might not want to play very much today."

The class responded with care. Some had questions that were typical of 2nd graders trying to get the literal facts: How old was she? How did she die? Then Hunter, Hudson's closest friend, raised her hand. "How can we help you feel better?" she wanted to know.

Restorative practices are essential for a community to care for each other and grow together. Our best learning happens when we feel safe and secure. This priority requires attention each day in order to bring together an entire classroom of diverse students.

The tools which enabled the students to listen and support Hudson in his time of need were put in place in the fall-nurtured and practiced each day-so that by springtime they could be used, with independence. Here are some essential ways to develop these habits of mind:

Have discussion in circle every day

It's said that one way to achieve closeness with others is to eat with them. It's not just the literal nourishment but the connection which is fostered by close physical proximity. The classroom equivalent is to set aside a space where the whole community can gather and face each other in a circle. This creates an area of inclusion where students can share their thoughts and ideas.
Make space for students to speak and respond to each other independently
Students' ownership of their shared space requires the ability for them to express their thoughts freely. Speaking in partnership or small groups can be woven into every day so that sharing and building ideas, independent of the teacher, is a regular practice.
Invite the lives of your students into the classroom
Restorative practice honors the full being of each student. For this to happen, students must have the freedom to share what is on their mind. We must embrace the child as a whole, enabling them to express the joys that happen both inside and outside of school, as well as the struggles.

Begin your day together

Each day we transition from our home space with family to our classroom community. By gathering as a whole class first thing every morning, we make a commitment to welcome our day together. We can set our intentions and get our minds ready for what is coming ahead in our shared learning.

Thanks to Sheila, Maurice, Timothy, Ashley, Bryan, and Kara for their contributions.

Please feel free to leave a comment with your reactions to the topic or directly to anything that has been said in this post.
Just a reminder; you can subscribe and receive updates from this blog via email or RSS Reader. And if you missed any of the highlights from the first eight years of this blog, you can see a categorized list below. The list doesn't include ones from this current year, but you can find those by clicking on the "answers" category found in the sidebar. Look for Part Two in a few days.

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Ways to Implement Restorative Practices in the Classroom (Opinion)

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Educators share their practical experience implementing restorative practices in their schools, such as holding goal-setting conferences with students and teaching them "the power of an apology."

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Social & Emotional Learning (SEL)

When students feel safe and supported in school, they can learn better. Here's how to start making those connections.

Dobrila Vignjevic / iStock

Building strong relationships with students is a vital part of the work educators do in schools, yet not every teacher enters the classroom having learned the nuts and bolts of how to develop and nurture teacher-student relationships, writes Gianna Cacciatore in Usable Knowledge.

But relationship-building is a skill we can all get better at, says Megan Marcus, a counselor and the founder of FuelEd, a nonprofit dedicated to teaching educators social and emotional skills. "Just one relationship with a caregiver throughout a lifespan can actually change the brain's development, heal trauma, and promote learning," Marcus tells Cacciatore. "Educators have the potential to utilize this power. Many do this organically-but we could do so much more if educators were equipped with the skills and self-awareness to systematically do this work."

When teachers consistently prioritize building strong connections with students, research shows there's a significant impact on kids' long-term wellbeing as well as their ability to learn and stay engaged in schools. "Learning doesn't happen without relationships," writes Rebecca Alber, an instructor at UCLA's Graduate School of Education. "In the classroom, rules matter, but as many of us have learned after a few years teaching, relationships matter much more."

Here are four ways to start building and nurturing authentic, strong relationships with students.

Develop Your "Empathic Listening" Skills

A natural response when a student is distressed is to immediately offer advice or reassurance, but that's not always the most helpful or productive reaction. Instead, try slowing down and patiently "listening to what a student has to say and not responding. No reassuring, no offering advice. Just listening," says Cacciatore. This can be hard to do, especially if you're a problem-solver by nature, so take a breath and remind yourself that good listening isn't necessarily about fixing anything or anyone. Ultimately, empathic listening builds trust: "Someone comes to you, they share their feelings, and instead of jumping in to problem-solve, you listen," notes Marcus. "Now, not only is this person calmer and better able to solve their own problems, but they want to come back to you again, share more."

Empathic listening also requires waiting until the person who's speaking finishes and allowing ample space for pauses, writes neurologist and teacher Judy Willis. "Such pauses, which demonstrate your focus, may give the speaker the reassurance to reveal something they were reluctant to share," says Willis. Remember to sustain eye contact and an engaged posture to signal that you're actively listening rather than bored or distracted, she adds.

Carve Out Time for Small Talk

Small talk isn't insignificant. Each Monday morning, middle school math teacher Cicely Woodard and her students form a check-in circle, pass a ball around, and take turns sharing how they're feeling, offering compliments to classmates, or discussing what they did over the weekend. "Though it can seem like every minute is needed to get through the academic content, I've learned that a five-minute investment once a week to learn about each other is invaluable to my students and builds a better culture in my classroom," writes Woodard.

But Woodard also connects with her students throughout the school day, finding a few moments prior to class to chat, for instance, or greeting students at the classroom door. "Because I've made myself approachable, some of my students will tell me stories about their lives during the five minutes between classes," she writes. "I stop what I am doing, look them in the eyes, and listen. I love seeing their eyes light up as they tell me these stories, and these encounters always leave me a little more knowledgeable about who they are as people."

Be Genuine, It's OK to Show Vulnerability

Educators often feel pressured to maintain authority in the classroom and avoid expressing emotions or sharing personal details with students. But this can inadvertently put up a wall between teachers and students, ultimately hindering efforts to develop strong connections. The reality is that everyone experiences worries, anxiety, or frustration at times, and when teachers find opportunities to share their own feelings with students-in developmentally appropriate ways, of course-it helps normalize students' own emotions and struggles.

"It starts with so much honesty and transparency with kids," says Lindsey Minder, a second grade teacher. "It's really easy to strive to be this idealized, always ready to go, elementary school teacher. And that's not real, and that's not human. My students connect most with me when they see that I also struggle, and I also have challenges."

Showing vulnerability can be as simple as acknowledging imperfections or sharing a few personal tidbits, says instructional coach and educator Beth Pandolpho. Her students know, for example, that she "cried a lot in elementary school," and that her big goal in middle school was to not cry at school, she writes. "There's a chance for teachers to bridge the divide between the adults who seem to have all the answers and the students who are still figuring things out," Pandolpho says. "When my students feel like they know me, they're more actively engaged, seek my help outside of class, and are more receptive to my suggestions and ideas."

Track Your Efforts

The many competing demands on educators' time and attention can make the work of nurturing relationships feel overwhelming. That's something educator Todd Finley decided to tackle. "Wouldn't more students benefit if the [process] were less haphazard and unconscious?" writes Finley, a professor of English education at East Carolina University. "I decided to experiment with being deliberate and intensive in thinking about my students."

Aiming to make his relationship-building efforts more systematic and intentional, Finley developed a 5x5 assessment time strategy. Each morning, he sets aside a short block of time-like when he's driving to the gym-to think deeply about five students for about five minutes per child. During these minutes, he reflects on a set of guiding questions: what he noticed about the student recently, for example, and what this reveals about their struggles, values, and goals. Throughout the school day, he'll use these reflections to start conversations with the focus students. "This can happen in the hall, or in class while I'm passing out papers-whenever it seems natural to do it," he writes.

Plan for a bit of a learning curve with this strategy, Finley warns: "Don't expect it to go perfectly at first. As with mindfulness, you'll get better with consistent practice," he writes. But the simple habit of consistent, systematic reflection "will build your capacity to notice, understand, and connect with students-competencies exhibited by transformational teachers that fortunately improve with practice."

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The 'How' of Building Deeper Relationships with Students

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When students feel safe and supported in school, they can learn better. Here's how to start making those connections.

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Students spend more than 1,000 hours with their teacher in a typical school year. That's enough time to build a relationship that could ignite a student's lifetime love of learning-and it's enough time for the dynamic to go totally off the rails.

Education watchers have long known that the relationship with a teacher can be critically important to how well students learn. But emerging research is giving a clearer picture than ever of how teachers can build and leverage strong relationships with their students.

"People sometimes mistake a kind of casual familiarity and friendliness for the promotion of really deep relationships that are about a child's potential, their interests, their strengths, and weaknesses," said Mary Helen Immordino-Yang, a cognitive neuroscientist at the University of Southern California who studies the effects of emotions and mindsets on learning.

"A lot of teachers ... have really strong abilities to engage socially with the students, but then it's not enough," she said. "You have to go much deeper than that and actually start to engage with students around their curiosity, their interests, their habits of mind through understanding and approaching material to really be an effective teacher."

In a forthcoming longitudinal study with Bank Street College of Education, Immordino-Yang is tracking how the highly effective teachers of low-income students set classroom norms and feelings of trust and safety for students-but also leverage that foundation to promote students' deeper thinking and engagement.

Why are teacher-student relationships important?

"The relational part of teaching may very well be its most underrated aspect. ... When teachers are good at building relationships with students, the skill is seen more as cover for a lack of content knowledge or wherewithal to instruct with rigor," James Ford, the 2015 North Carolina State Teacher of the Year and the program director for the Public School Forum of North Carolina, told Education Week. To the contrary, he added, "Our first job as teachers is to make sure that we learn our students, that we connect with them on a real level, showing respect for their culture and affirming their worthiness to receive the best education possible."

A Review of Educational Research analysis of 46 studies found that strong teacher-student relationships were associated in both the short- and long-term with improvements on practically every measure schools care about: higher student academic engagement, attendance, grades, fewer disruptive behaviors and suspensions, and lower school dropout rates. Those effects were strong even after controlling for differences in students' individual, family, and school backgrounds.

Teachers benefit, too. A study in the European Journal of Psychology of Education found that a teacher's relationship with students was the best predictor of how much the teacher experienced joy versus anxiety in class.

How does a teacher's approach affect that relationship?

In a 2018 study, Arizona State University researcher Victoria Theisen-Homer found different teacher-training programs prioritized different kinds of relationships with students:

An instrumental focus involved a limited, one-way relationship in which teachers cull bits of information about students specifically to motivate them to behave well and focus on teacher-directed tasks. The relationships "were structured as a controlled means to a particular end: student compliance," she found. "Students learned that their value was tied to the degree to which they worked hard and behaved in line with what mostly white authority figures demanded."

A reciprocal focus required teachers to gather complex information and develop a holistic understanding of their students, inviting the students to grapple with content and problems together. "These students not only learned to think for themselves, but also had adults who affirmed and responded to their thoughts and experiences. Such interactions prepared them to engage with authority figures, and to someday hold positions of authority themselves," Theisen-Homer said.

The study also found in an analysis of two of these programs that teachers trained in the instrumental focus were more likely to go on to teach in low-income, high-minority schools, while those trained in reciprocal relationships ended up in schools with more high-income and white students. It was not clear why teachers ended up sorting in this way, but it raised concerns about differences in the kinds of relationships high- and low-income students might experience with teachers.

"Sometimes teachers don't understand the importance that their relationship with each student has on that student's identity and sense of belonging," said Vicki Nishioka, a senior researcher with Education Northwest who studies teacher-student relationships. "What gets in the way of that is a more authoritarian kind of discipline and interaction approach with students, which really doesn't work."

For example, a 2016 study randomly assigned teachers to increase their positive interactions with students. Students of teachers who boosted their ratio to five positive comments and interactions for every negative one had significantly less disruptive behavior and more time on task academically than the students of a control group of teachers.

How can teachers improve their relationships with students?

In a word: Empathy. Across several recent studies, researchers have found that teachers who cultivate empathy for and with their students are able to manage students' behavior and academic engagement better.

Nishioka finds that trying to suppress biases or stereotypes about students can sometimes make them worse, but practicing perspective-taking-actively imagining how a student might perceive or be affected by a situation-can reduce bias and deepen teacher-student relationships. She recommended teachers:

Talk to students to understand differences in their perceptions and expectations in class.

Research cultural differences between teachers and students to head off cultural misunderstandings, particularly around norms, styles, and language.

Teach and model perspective-taking for students in class.

How can teachers maintain healthy boundaries with students?

Experts caution that for teachers and students, "relationship" does not equal "friend," particularly on social media. Many districts have rules against teachers following or friending current students on Facebook, Twitter, or other platforms, in part because it might open teachers to liability if they see inappropriate behavior from students online.

Teachers also should be upfront with students who confide in them that they are required by law to report evidence of abuse and can't keep secrets that could put students in danger.

Teacher and education author Starr Sackstein, whose blog is hosted on the edweek.org website, also recommends that while teachers can and should share personal stories if they are "purposeful and appropriate" to the discussion, they should use these to model for students what level of detail is appropriate for sharing in social conversations.

How can relationships with students support teacher quality?

While student feedback is often incorporated into teacher evaluations in higher education, it is rarely a direct part of K-12 teacher evaluations. But that doesn't mean districts can't use student feedback to improve teaching practice, and in particular, such feedback can be used to help teachers build deeper relationships with students.

For example, the High Tech High Media Arts charter school in San Diego trains students using a six-week course to act as observers. The students met regularly with the teacher to give feedback about their communication skills and engagement in the classroom, and to brainstorm better ways to reach out to students. Teachers and administrators found that going through the training gave students better understanding of the teachers' roles. School staff members said that teachers also "developed deeper relationships with students, interacted with students in a more positive way during class, communicated information about projects and assignments to students more clearly, generated better questions to stimulate student dialogue during Socratic seminars, and created more collaborative learning environments for students."

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New studies are painting a clearer picture of why teacher-student relationships matter and how teachers should cultivate them.