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Will Trimiew - The CIO method can be a controversial approach to infant sleep training. It has been a conversation of debate among new parents, pediatricians, and child development experts. The CIO method can be effective for some families but has potential risks. This is particularly about emotional well-being and attachment and should be used cautiously. Many caregivers come with a gentle approach when responding to sleep training, this may provide benefits of independent sleep. Ensuring that the baby's attachment and emotional needs are prioritized. Parents need to check their baby's temperament, developmental stage, and their own comfort level when deciding which sleep training method is right for them. A benefit could be that it improves parental sleep. Well-rested parents can better be able to engage with and care for their baby during the day from being tired mentally and physically. This can positively impact family dynamics and overall mental health. A potential risk could be a stress response. Studies show that prolonged crying can lead to high-stress hormones. This can hurt development and emotional regulation.

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As a mother of a 12- and 9-year-old I do not like the cry it out method. We are talking about babies who cannot speak or do anything for themselves. They depend on us as their parents or caregivers to help them and take care of them. A baby's cry is their only form of communication with us if they are crying, they are letting us know something is wrong or that they need something, or maybe they just simply need us in that moment and they need to feel loved. When we do not respond to those cries, we are teaching them that we don't want to help them or comfort them. We teach them that they can't trust us or others. We are also voiding a secure bond with them because they learn to not trust us because we do not respond to their cries which should be the cue that they need something in that moment. You are forming an insecure attachment by doing this. I always responded to my children's cries and to this day they know they can come to me about anything rather it be trouble in school or the stage of growing up and their bodies going through changes they know I am here to listen because I was always there when they cried, and we formed that trusting and secure bond.

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When I had my son in 2008, my mom told me to let him cry in the middle of the night and that he would soothe himself back to sleep. I could never do it and I am happy I didn't. I am not a fan of the CIO method. I understand the logic and debates behind it, but I believe that this harms the child more than helps. Babies are constantly communicating with the adults in their lives either through emotions or babbling. Crying is a form of communication. It can signal if a baby is hungry, tired, or frightened. Ignoring that babies cries just teaches them that you will not respond to their cries for help in any way. I never used the CIO method with my son when he was a baby. Today he is 16 and while he is a teenager that is afraid to talk about feelings sometimes, he is comfortable in knowing that I will always be his person he can lean on when he needs to talk about something. I do believe that this has something to do with the attachment we formed when he was a baby. Is it frustrating to have a baby crying at all hours of the night? Yes, but all people, even babies, need reassurance and if that is the baby's way of asking for that reassurance then the parents need to answer that call. I do not believe that children develop healthier sleeping habits due to CIO and my son slept just find as a toddler and even a small child with me responding to his cries in the middle of the night. At the end of the day, we are all just doing the best we can for our children.

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As a mother of one 18 month old child, I have personally done "light" sleep training. When she was about six months of age, I began to technically do the FERBER method. I use the words "technically" and "light", as I did not strictly follow the exact rules, but rather my intuition and knowledge of my specific child. I would let my daughter cry around five minutes max, soothe her, then try again. Sometimes it could be less if I knew she was in a sensitive mood or was sick. I believe the CIO method can be effective and beneficial to the child and parent when there is a healthy balance. If the child is unable to sooth him or herself for extended time, I believe a caretaker needs to intervene. Also age is a factor for the CIO method. On the other hand, if I immediately were to get my daughter the minute she would cry when I put her in the crib, she would never learn to self-soothe; a trait that can improve sleep quality, independence, and regulation.

Parenting can be quite difficult, but even more dire if there is no sleep for either party. Building healthy sleep patterns are beneficial to the parent, child, and household function.

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Crying it out can be beneficial to the child and the parent. A frazzled, sleepy, frustrated parent may choose to let their child cry it out due to their own need for sleep. When a child is exhausted but can't sleep, the parent may feel very stressed as well. Deciding to let their child cry it out can relieve parents of pressure of new parenting. When everything else has been tried, CIO may give parents a mental break when they are struggling. A parent may need to let their child cry it out sometimes,, for themselves more than the child.

Habits are an important part of sleep for adults and children. To put kids to bed, CIO can be effective. However, it is important that the child feels attachment and affection when they are not going to sleep. CIO can help the child understand that their distress will not last forever. A bedtime routine can include lots of attachment before a child is made to cry it out.

Finally, I think the age of the child is important in consideration of crying it out. I would not allow a newborn to cry, as they have constant needs. However, by toddlerhood and preschool age, sleep habits involve much fewer needs and many more habits.

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I am not a mother yet, but I have worked with children in daycares and schools and I can usually pick up a lot about a child's home life during my days working with them. By observing the way a child reacts to difficult situations, direction or discipline, you begin to notice how they are being treated/parented at home. I can tell the difference when a child is being given attention at home and who is being ignored. I believe the "cry it out" method to be an ineffective way of parenting and basically requires ignoring all of your child's needs in that moment that they need it most. This is risky in the development of a child's emotional well being and attachment. When a child cries, they are looking for comfort to console them, and that is how trust and attachments are developed. A child cries to communicate their needs. Leaving your child to cry for minutes to hours on end can be hard on yourself as well. It is human nature as a mother to be responsive. I know in the future that I would not be able to do this as a mother, and my mother was never able to let me "cry it out". Me and my mother have a very close relationship and research has even shown that trust and attachment starts at that young and dependent age, when you need that person the most. I know for myself, feeling ignored is not a pleasant thing and makes you build grudges against people. I have worked with many children in my career that I would almost guarantee receive the "cry it out" or other ignoring methods at home and I never see anything but anger and defiance in these children when they are faced with a difficult situation and I believe this is because they never receive the comfort they needed; so, in their minds that is all they've known. I know it can get overwhelming when a child will not sleep through the night but I do not believe ignoring them and making them more reluctant to look to you for their needs is the best way to do it. As stated in the article I read from Psychology Today, "According to a behaviorist view, the child "has to be taught to be independent." But forcing "independence" on a baby could lead to greater dependence. Instead, giving babies what they need leads to greater independence later." (Narvaez)

Narvaez , Darcia F. “Dangers of ‘Crying It Out.’” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 17 May 2024, www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/moral-landscapes/201112/dangers-of-crying-it-out.

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Letting babies "cry it out" is an idea that has been around since at least the 1880s when the field of medicine was in a hullaballoo about germs and transmitting infection and so took to the notion that babies should rarely be touched (see Blum, 2002, for a great review of this time period and attitudes towards childrearing).

In the 20 th century, behaviorist John Watson (1928), interested in making psychology a hard science, took up the crusade against affection as president of the American Psychological Association. He applied the mechanistic paradigm of behaviorism to childrearing, warning about the dangers of too much mother love. The 20 th century was the time when "men of science" were assumed to know better than mothers, grandmothers, and families about how to raise a child. Too much kindness to a baby would result in a whiney, dependent, failed human being. Funny how "the experts" got away with this with no evidence to back it up! Instead, there is evidence all around (then and now) showing the opposite to be true!

A government pamphlet from the time recommended that "mothering meant holding the baby quietly, in tranquility-inducing positions" and that "the mother should stop immediately if her arms feel tired" because "the baby is never to inconvenience the adult." A baby older than six months "should be taught to sit silently in the crib; otherwise, he might need to be constantly watched and entertained by the mother, a serious waste of time." (See Blum, 2002.)

Don't these attitudes sound familiar? A parent reported to me recently that he was encouraged to let his baby cry herself to sleep so he "could get his life back."

[ Note: In other posts on infant sleep, my co-authors and I point out flaws in studies of sleep training. Here is another example. Check out this article and its table that lists the studies reviewed. The table shows that every study is flawed-either the intervention was not followed (fidelity) and/or only parent reports were used, not observation. Moreover, the age range of the children varied. Most importantly, note that most studies did not measure child wellbeing. So there is no responsible way to draw generalizable conclusions from this set of flawed studies. The standards for publishing such studies appear to be very low. In a forthcoming post, we note how many studies use an "Intent to Treat" criterion for distinguishing conditions, not bothering about what actually happened.]

With neuroscience, we can confirm what our ancestors took for granted-that letting babies get distressed is a practice that can harm children and their relational capacities in the long term.

The discredited behaviorist view sees the baby as an interloper in the life of the parents, an intrusion who must be controlled by various means so the adults can live their lives without too much bother. Perhaps we can excuse this attitude and ignorance because at the time, extended families were being broken up and new parents had to figure out how to deal with babies on their own, an unnatural condition for humanity-we have heretofore raised children in extended families. The parents always shared care with multiple adult relatives.

According to a behaviorist view, the child "has to be taught to be independent." But forcing "independence" on a baby could lead to greater dependence. Instead,giving babies what they need leads to greater independence later. In anthropological reports of small-band hunter-gatherers, parents took care of every need of babies and young children. Toddlers felt confident enough (and so did their parents) to walk into the bush on their own (see Hunter-Gatherer Childhoods, edited by Hewlett & Lamb, 2005).

Behaviorists then and now encourage parents to condition the baby to expect needs not to be met on demand, whether feeding or comforting. It's assumed that the adults should "be in charge" of the relationship. Certainly, this might foster a child that doesn't ask for as much help and attention, but it is more likely to foster a whiney, unhappy, aggressive, and/or demanding child, one who has learned that one must scream to get needs met.

Caregivers who habitually respond to the needs of the baby before the baby gets distressed, preventing crying, are more likely to have children who are independent than the opposite (e.g., Stein & Newcomb, 1994). Soothing care is best from the outset. Once patterns of distress get established, it's much harder to change them.

Rats are often used to study how mammalian brains work and many effects are similar in human brains. In studies of rats with high or low nurturing mothers, there is a critical period for turning on genes that control anxiety for the rest of life. If in the first 10 days of life you have a low nurturing rat mother, the gene never gets turned on and the rat is anxious towards new situations for the rest of its life, unless drugs are administered to alleviate the anxiety. These researchers say that there are hundreds of genes affected by nurturance.

Similar mechanisms are found in human brains-caregiver behavior matters for turning genes on and off. (See work of Michael Meaney and colleagues; e. g., Meaney, 2001).

We should understand the mother and child as a mutually responsive dyad. They are a symbiotic unit that make each other healthier and happier in mutual responsiveness. This expands to other caregivers too.

One strangely popular notion still around today is to let babies "cry it out" (aka total extinction or unmodified extinction) when they are left alone, isolated in cribs, or in other devices. This comes from a misunderstanding of child brain development.

Babies grow from being held. Their bodies get dysregulated when they are physically separated from caregivers. (See here for more.)

Babies indicate a need through gesture and eventually, if necessary, through crying. Just as adults reach for liquid when thirsty, children search for what they need in the moment. Just as adults become calm once the need is met, so do babies.

There are many long-term effects of undercare or need-neglect in babies (e.g., Bremmer et al, 1998; Blunt Bugental et al., 2003; Dawson et al., 2000; Heim et al 2003).

Why should we avoid "crying it out?"

The brain is developing quickly. When the baby is greatly distressed, it creates conditions for damage to synapses, the network construction which is ongoing in the infant brain. The hormone cortisol is released. In excess, it's a neuron killer but its consequences may not be apparent immediately (Thomas et al. 2007). A full-term baby (40-42 weeks), with only 25% of its brain developed, is undergoing rapid brain growth. The brain grows on average three times as large by the end of the first year (and head size growth in the first year is a sign of intelligence, e.g., Gale et al., 2006). Who knows what neurons are not being connected or being wiped out during times of extreme stress? What deficits might show up years later from such regular distressful experience? (See my addendum below.)

Disordered stress reactivity may be established not only in the brain with the stress response system (Bremmer et al, 1998) but also in the body through the vagus nerve, a nerve that affects functioning in multiple systems (e.g., digestion). For example, prolonged distress in early life can result in a poorly functioning vagus nerve, which is related to various disorders as irritable bowel syndrome (Stam et al, 1997). See more about how early stress is toxic for lifelong health from the recent Harvard report, The Foundations of Lifelong Health are Built in Early Childhood).

Self-regulation may be undermined. The baby is dependent on caregivers for learning how to self-regulate. Responsive care-meeting the baby's needs before he gets distressed-tunes the body and brain up for calmness. When a baby gets scared and a parent holds and comforts him, the baby builds expectations for soothing, which get integrated into the ability to self-comfort. Babies don't self-comfort in isolation. If they are left to cry alone, they learn to shut down in face of extensive distress-stop growing, stop feeling, stop trusting (Henry & Wang, 1998).

Trust may be undermined. As Erik Erikson pointed out, the first year of life is a sensitive period for establishing a sense of trust in the world, the world of caregiver, and the world of self. When a baby's needs are met without distress, the child learns that the world is a trustworthy place, that relationships are supportive, and that the self is a positive entity that can get its needs met. When a baby's needs are dismissed or ignored, the child develops a sense of mistrust of relationships and the world. And self-confidence is undermined. The child may spend a lifetime trying to fill the resulting inner emptiness.

Caregiver sensitivity may be harmed. A caregiver who learns to ignore baby crying might learn to ignore the more subtle signaling of the child's needs. Second-guessing intuitions that guide one to want to stop child distress, the adult who learns to ignore baby needs learns to "harden the heart." The reciprocity between caregiver and baby is broken by the adult but cannot be repaired by the young child. The baby is helpless.

Caregiver responsiveness to the needs of the baby is related to most many positive child outcomes. In our work, caregiver responsiveness is related to intelligence, empathy, lack of aggression or depression, self-regulation, social competence. Because responsiveness is so powerful, we have to control for it in our studies of other parenting practices and child outcomes. The importance of caregiver responsiveness is common knowledge in developmental psychology.

The "cry it out" approach seems to have arisen as a solution to the dissolution of extended family life in the 20th century. The vast knowledge of (now great great) grandmothers was lost in the distance between households with children and those with the experience and expertise about how to raise them well. The wisdom of keeping babies happy was lost between generations.

But isn't it normal for babies to cry?

A crying baby in our ancestral environment could have alerted predators to tasty morsels. So our evolved parenting practices likely served to alleviate baby distress and preclude crying except in emergencies. Babies are built to expect the equivalent of an "external womb" after birth ( see Allan Schore, specific references below). What is the external womb? Being held constantly, breastfed on demand, having needs met quickly (I have numerous posts on these things). These practices are known to facilitate good brain and body development (discussed with references in other posts). When babies display discomfort, it signals that a need is not getting met, a need of their rapidly growing systems.

Below is a good set of articles about all the things that a baby's cry can signal. We can all educate ourselves about what babies need and the practices that alleviate baby crying. We can help one another to keep crying from happening as much as possible.

Check these out:

Science of Parenting, an inexpensive, photo-filled, easy-to-read book for parents by Margot Sunderland, has much more detail and references on these matters. I keep copies on hand to give to new parents.

Here is a terrific post on co-sleeping (the abandoned practice that is behind notions of leaving babies to cry it out) by my esteemed colleague, Peter Gray. Much more about co-sleeping research is here at the website of my colleague, James McKenna.

More on babies' and children's needs here, here, here.

Giving babies what they need is really a basic right of babies. See here for more rights I think babies should expect. And see here for a new book by Eileen Johnson on the emotional rights of babies.

Addendum

I was raised in a middle-class family with a depressed mother, harsh father, and overall emotionally unsupportive environment-not unlike others raised in the USA. I have only recently realized from extensive reading about the effects of early parenting on body and brain development that I show the signs of undercare-poor memory (cortisol released during distress harms hippocampus development), irritable bowel and other poor vagal tone issues, and high social anxiety. The USA has epidemics of poor physical and mental health (e.g., UNICEF, 2007; USDHSS, 1999; WHO/WONCA, 2008). The connection between the lack of ancestral parenting practices and poor health outcomes has been documented for touch, responsiveness, breastfeeding, and more (Narvaez et al., in press). If we want a strong country and people, we've got to pay attention to what children need for optimal development.

Note on basic assumptions

When I write about human nature, I use the 99% of human genus history as a baseline. That is the context of small-band hunter-gatherers. These are "immediate-return" societies with few possessions who migrate and forage. They have no hierarchy or coercion and value generosity and sharing. They exhibit both high autonomy and high commitment to the group. They have high social well-being. See a comparison between dominant Western culture and this evolved heritage in my article (you can download it from my website):

Narvaez, D. (2013). The 99 Percent-Development and socialization within an evolutionary context: Growing up to become "A good and useful human being." In D. Fry (Ed.), War, Peace and Human Nature: The convergence of Evolutionary and Cultural Views (pp. 643-672). New York: Oxford University Press.

When I write about parenting, I assume the importance of the evolved developmental niche (EDN) for raising human infants (which initially arose over 30 million years ago with the emergence of the social mammals and has been slightly altered among human groups based on anthropological research).

The EDN is the baseline I use for determining what fosters optimal human health, wellbeing and compassionate morality. The niche includes at least the following: infant-initiated breastfeeding for several years, nearly constant touch early, responsiveness to needs so the young child does not get distressed, playful companionship with multi-aged playmates, multiple adult caregivers, positive social support, and soothing perinatal experiences.

All EDN characteristics are linked to health in mammalian and human studies (for reviews, see Narvaez, Panksepp, Schore & Gleason, 2013; Narvaez, Valentino, Fuentes, McKenna & Gray, 2014; Narvaez, 2014) Thus, shifts away from the EDN baseline are risky and must be supported with longitudinal data looking at wellbeing in children and adults. My comments and posts stem from these basic assumptions.

My research laboratory has documented the importance of the EDN for child wellbeing and moral development with more papers in the works see (my Website to download papers):

Narvaez, D., Gleason, T., Wang, L., Brooks, J., Lefever, J., Cheng, A., & Centers for the Prevention of Child Neglect (2013). The Evolved Development Niche: Longitudinal Effects of Caregiving Practices on Early Childhood Psychosocial Development. Early Childhood Research Quarterly, 28 (4), 759-773. Doi: 10.1016/j.ecresq.2013.07.003

Narvaez, D., Wang, L., Gleason, T., Cheng, A., Lefever, J., & Deng, L. (2013). The Evolved Developmental Niche and sociomoral outcomes in Chinese three-year-olds. European Journal of Developmental Psychology, 10(2), 106-127.

Also, see these books for selected reviews:

Evolution, Early Experience and Human Development (Oxford University Press)

Ancestral Landscapes in Human Evolution (Oxford University Press)

Neurobiology and the Development of Human Morality (W.W. Norton)

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Mother and child are a symbiotic unit that make each other healthier and happier in mutual responsiveness.

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I believe that the cry-it-out method can be an effective technique used when sleep training babies. With that being said I think that it can be effective when used properly. When it is not it can be ineffective and have a negative result in the infants' emotional distress. This method may not work for some, every family is different. Many parents can recognize their babies from their cries. When using the CIO method it is important to know whether the child needs to be picked up or not. While it can be hard to listen to your baby cry, I think this is important in teaching them schedules and independent sleep. I think letting them cry for a short period is reasonable, many times I've seen the child go to sleep in those few minutes of crying. It is not realistic for parents to be able to hold their babies ALL the time. The CIO method can eventually be healthy for both the parent and the baby. Some things can make the process a little bit easier when using the CIO method. Routine is important, so parents must stick to this routine. Reading the child a story before bed, turning on nighttime music, and having a night light can be things that can help give the baby comfort for bedtime.

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Being a mother of two (16,9), I must say that there are benefits and disadvantages to this method. I do not think this is the only method that needs to be used while sleep training, however, one must learn when to use and not use this method. This method can work and be beneficial and effective but it depends on the situation and how it is used. Children, for sure, do not come with a book or a manual to go by. As a mother, I think it depends on the situation. There were many nights with my babies that yes they cried and yes I let them cry it out but not without a loving back rub, pat on the back, or just crying. As a mom, I believe you know the difference between your baby's cries and when you see that they need to be held versus crying it out. There were times they were so sleepy that the CIO method worked for they just needed to sleep and wear themselves out. I used lights, calming music, and swaddling as options. I do not think there is an exact answer and every parent is different. This topic is controversial however, many other factors take place for this to be considered damaging to a child's well-being and attachment risks. I think it all depends on how and when it is used; rather used in a loving, supportive way versus neglectful tendencies.

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I have two children, and I believe that it's extremely difficult to parent children in USA especially when it comes to sleeping. Of course, I have no experience with parenting children outside of the USA however, I have read and watched accounts of other parents in countries like Latin America, the Philippines and Vietnam, where parents are encouraged to co sleep with children. While in the United States co-sleeping with babies under 1 years old is very taboo. Which puts a huge strain on new mothers. It's not easy to be tired yourself and try to get your baby to sleep on their own without crying. In my exhausted state I used to put my infant in her crib and let her cry herself to sleep in order to protect my own mental health. I could not afford to wait until my baby was asleep before I went to sleep because I worked full time on top of being a new mom. It probably would have been much easier to sleep with her because she could have felt the comfort of her mom next her while she slept but because of fear of killing her in my sleep I could not justify sleeping next to her. When I had my son I would find that I could not get him to sleep in swaddle as he was so strong he burst out of it. So sometimes I would sleep with him in the crook of my arm which was both very effective but also quite nerve racking. I have a lot of self-doubt and sadness over being a mom because I feel like with any choice I make, there is a better choice and I am failing. I try my best and I feel like there is no way around making mistakes. I am not sure if I hurt my children's attachment by letting them lay in bed and cry, but I hope that no matter what I raise children who want to be around me when they are older and can choose to cut me off or not.

James J. McKenna, Ph. D. (n.d.). Cosleeping around the world. Cosleeping Around The World - The Natural Child Project. https://www.naturalchild.org/articles/james_mckenna/cosleeping_world.html#:~:text=Cosleeping%20is%20practiced%20in%20a,bed%2C%20between%20the%20two%20parents.

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I believe that the CIO method can be effective when it is used lovingly and intentionally. While I am not a mother yet, I am going to use my experiences with other parents and their babies as support for my opinion.

The first thing I will point out is that all of the classmates who chose "Pro-CIO" are mothers whereas the classmates who chose "Against-CIO" are not yet parents. I find that interesting. Obviously, the moms are using their own experiences as support for their opinion. Those who are not parents have to read research to decide. I am going to assume that raising one's own, real children will give the best insight to this debate. As a result, I am siding with the mamas of the group.

Babies do cry when they are in need. They also cry when they want attention. Some cries are more intense than others. Babies want to be held all of the time because... why not? Hugs are warm and cozy. But it is also not realistic to expect to be held 24/7. It is good for babies to be able to sleep on their own. CIO is not claiming that you should ignore your infant when they scream and wail. CIO is simply claiming that it is okay for babies to be a little sad when they have to leave their mom, but they can learn to fall asleep on their own.

I have babysat babies whose parents tell me to wait 5-10 minutes if their child cries before/during sleep. Often, babies are upset they have to stop life to nap. I have also been told that during sleep, babies sometimes cry in between sleep cycles and walking in will just wake them up fully. As with everything, research is controversial and there is no right answer, but I believe I will be using the CIO method with my children in the future.

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This was a very hard decision to make as I would have been more likely towards the CIO method BEFORE taking this class, but since then have been swayed thinking it may not be so beneficial after all. I do not have children yet, but from observing my own nephews and based from the readings from this week, I find myself a little more against the CIO method for infant sleep training. The Vitamin Attachment lesson explained the importance of establishing a secure attachment from the early on stages of a baby's life. Really emphasizing that from the womb to the first couple of months of a baby's life are crucial to their development. It further explores how there are different attachments that contain different behavioral and emotional outcomes of a baby depending on their caregiver-child relationship that was formed. What really struck out to me were the findings that when a baby is consistently left ignored, it impacts their sense of security, increases suppressed emotions, negatively influences their emotional and social life as they grow. I think that while there are some positive results from the CIO method in infant sleep training, the psychological factors that are negatively impacted outweigh the benefits. From a broader personal perspective, I think an infant gets adapted to learning their caregiver will no longer come to them when distressed so ultimately having to fall asleep tiredly, and it becomes repetitive until they no longer cry. However, the infant sleep training does not expose the psychological impacts to an infant that may come to surface later in life.

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I want to start by saying, I'm thankful to have classmates who are also parents that can give me insight into the world of parenting, which is harder than I could imagine. After doing some research I read and re-read the posts from my classmates who have some personal experiences. While I do not think that letting your child cry it out is easy, I do think that it can be effective. Finding a happy medium with the CIO method sounds very beneficial. Such as checking in at set time intervals. I found an article about a research study done on the CIO method by the National Institute of Health, the results stated: "No adverse impacts of leaving infants to cry it out in the first 6 months on infant-mother attachment and behavioural development at 18 months were found."

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As a mother of two, I know there are pros and cons to the cry-it-out method. I learned that when I was quick to pick up my boys because I didn't want to hear their little cries, they became dependent on me to the point where I was unable to get any work done. I slept while they slept to get some rest so I wouldn't be exhausted, and while they were awake, I would take care of some chores until they started crying to cater to their needs. The harm that is caused by the cry-it-out method may cause an infant emotional distress and separation anxiety. In my opinion, the cry-it-out method can also cause separation anxiety because of attachment and dependence. My youngest son had a hard time being separated from me, and it was hard to have a social life because he didn't want to be with anyone but me. He finally grew out of wanting to be under me at about two years old. During the night, I put my boys in their cribs to get used to sleeping independently, but when they would wake up and start crying, I wouldn't wait long to pick them up just because my motherly instincts kicked in, and I knew my babies needed me.

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As a mother of two, who has tried both methods, I think letting them cry it out can be effective. When I was sleep training the kids, it was very effective and the kids learned to self soothe and fall asleep. Nap time or bedtime schedules were met and improved quality of sleep for all. Of course as a parent, letting them cry is heartbreaking but I think parents know the difference in their babies cry. This helped create a consistent sleep schedule which benefited everyone. The Ferger Method is what I used. This method is called, "controlled crying" where you start with a few minutes, gradually increasing the time left alone. I also checked in on the baby and was present in the room but did not pick him or her up. As they became toddlers or elementary aged, they were good about following their schedule. I never had to fight them to sleep because it became a normal routine. In the beginning I worried about emotional issues, separation issues, anxiety, etc.. that a baby may feel when crying it out but I found no signs of negative impact personally. My teenagers are the most vocal and expressive kids who are attached to their mama (Ha!) "There are no data to support that the cry it out method is harmful in the short term or long term. On the contrary, a 2020 study found that babies who were sleep trained using a graduated extinction method showed increased security and attachment after the program. " Cry it out method (aka Extinction method): Is it right for your baby?. Huckleberry. (n.d.). https://huckleberrycare.com/blog/cry-it-out-method-aka-extinction-method-is-it-right-for-your-baby

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As a mother of two I lean towards both sides of this. Before putting both of my boys down at night for bed I spent an amount of time holding them, cuddling them, dinging to them. I would try to read my babies the best as I could. If they fell asleep in my arms of course I would lay them down, if they cried from being put down I would give them a little bit of time to cry to see if they would fall back to sleep. but mothers also know their children, different cries mean different things at times. You can often tell if the child truly needs to be picked back up and cuddled, needing something. But sometimes if you often hold your baby while they sleep they get use to that, wanting to be held while they sleep all the time. While sometimes you feel you are doing the best thing by always holding your child while they sleep, its also healthy for both the parent and the baby to sometimes cry to fall asleep. Leaving your child in just a dark room though to cry is not ideal. You can try some soothing things like music, lights, certain aromas. It can be a gradual approach, without just immediately laying your child down to cry until he falls asleep.

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Individuals are on both sides of the cry-it-out (CIO) sleep training method debate. However, after listening to the recent podcast, completing the Vitamin Attachment lesson, and doing some research on my own, I believe that the CIO method may hinder attachment and negatively impact child development. However, there’s more to attachment theory than just addressing a crying baby. Attachment starts in the womb and continues through various interactions throughout the first five years of a child’s life.

According to Brandon, Pitts, Denton, Stringer, and Evans (2009), prenatal attachment begins between the fetus and the parent before birth.  A mother’s voice, touch, music, and sounds help with prenatal attachment.  Once the child is born, attachment is developed through warm, nurturing, and attentive caregiving.  Physical connection is essential, as is being attuned to the needs and wants of the child.  Consistency is of utmost importance.  When the CIO sleep training method is used, the child is put to bed, and if they cry, the caregiver ignores the crying.  The idea is the child will eventually cry itself to sleep.  The thought is that the child will figure out no one is coming to soothe them, so they will learn to go to sleep without crying.  However, Darcia F. Narvaez, Ph.D. (2024), states, “Babies don’t self-regulate in isolation.”  In fact, leaving a child crying can have the opposite effect, where the child learns to suppress feelings. This week’s Vitamin Attachment lesson reinforced the idea that crying is a form of communication. When the caregiver attends to the child crying, the child learns to trust and manage emotions. By ignoring the child, the caregiver is not providing the safe, secure base necessary for building attachment.  Therefore, when a child is left to “cry it out,” it may have a detrimental effect on the child’s development, creating long-term trust issues and potentially emotional disorders.

Brandon, A. R., Pitts, S., Denton, W. H., Stringer, C. A., & Evans, H. M. (2009). A history of the theory of prenatal attachment. Journal of Prenatal & Perinatal Psychology & Health. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3083029/

Narvaez, D. (2024, May 17).  Dangers of “Crying it out.” Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/moral-landscapes/201112/dangers-of-crying-it-out

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I have no experience with the Cry It Out method as I don't have children, so my response is based on research and my personal beliefs. I like and agree with one quote from the cited source: "There isn't a magic number of minutes that works best for checking on a baby after you've put her down." When a person cries, you naturally get tired, but I don't think most infants can self-soothe as quickly. I think some parents start with having their infant in a nursery right away and immediately feel that they won't cry. I believe there are other healthier ways to help infants sleep instead of the Cry It Out approach, like starting your infant in your room and gradually transitioning further from the parents/caregiver. I agree that children can self-soothe and that parents'/caregivers' reactions to crying or aggressive behaviors can impact their development. In summary, I think the Cry It Out method harms infants, and I believe more effective and gentle methods work better.

Doucleff, M. (2019b, July 15). Sleep training truths: What science can (and can't) tell us about crying it out. NPR. https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2019/07/15/730339536/sleep-training-truths-what-science-can-and-cant-tell-us-about-crying-it-out