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_Family Learning Services Directory 24.25

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https://youtu.be/W4eocEyxtEg

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The new Dorset Neurodiversity Hub (www.nhsdorset.nhs.uk/neurodiversity) will provide an accessible, credible source of information for people of all ages. It has been developed as part of NHS Dorset’s All Age Neurodevelopmental Review, which identified a need for better information about support for people with neurodevelopmental conditions, particularly those living with autism and ADHD.

The new website includes signposting to a wide range of support, including peer support groups, local and national charities, online advice and guidance, and professional support. It also features articles and blogs written by members of Dorset’s neurodivergent community, and video interviews with neurodivergent people and their families.

NHS Dorset has worked in partnership with people with lived experience of autism and ADHD to develop the new website.

Kit Bevan is a 27-year-old marketing professional from Poole and explains:

“Taking part in the development of this website has allowed me to use my creativity at a time where I felt really silenced when I spoke about my experiences as an autistic woman. I’ve been given the opportunity to not only write, but share my viewpoints and offer advice on subjects such as website layout, wording, and accessibility. It has been a privilege to leave my footprint on such an incredible project.”

The term neurodiversity is used to describe and celebrate the concept that our brains all work differently. It is estimated that one in seven people are neurodivergent – that is, they have one or more neurodevelopmental conditions such as autism, ADHD, dyslexia, dyspraxia or Tourette’s syndrome.

Mark Harris, Deputy Director of Place at NHS Dorset, said:

“We are delighted to launch this new website, which we hope will provide a valuable resource to our neurodivergent community here in Dorset. Every neurodivergent person is unique. Some may need support to help them fulfil their potential or cope with certain challenges, others may not. But a range of support is available to those who need it, and you don’t always need a clinical diagnosis to access it.”

“We are very grateful to all the people with lived experience who have helped us to shape this website, as well as experts from local charities and specialist organisations.”

Trish Jubb is the Chair of Dorset Adult Asperger’s Support (DAAS) and has played an active role in supporting the development of the website and its content. Trish says:

“I am very excited at the launch of the new website and delighted at the detail and care involved, with considerable input from autistic people and others who will actually use it. I have loved being part of it, as someone with lived experience.

“I often speak to people who are at a loss to know where to turn and I look forward to being able to direct people to it. I think it will prove helpful to a huge range of people, whether they are recently or long-term diagnosed, family or friend, a practitioner – or just starting to question who they are. I will definitely be using it and recommending it to people who ask DAAS for information.”

Visit the new Dorset neurodiversity hub at www.nhsdorset.nhs.uk/neurodiversity

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This website contains information to support neurodivergent people in Dorset, with a particular focus on autism and ADHD. Every neurodivergent person is unique. Some may need support to help them fulfil their potential or cope with certain challenges, others may not. Support is available in lots of different ways if you need it, and you don't always need a clinical diagnosis to access it.

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Watch our 'What is neurodiversity?' video in full Welcome to Dorset's neurodiversity hub This website contains information to support neurodivergent people in Dorset, with a particular focus on autism and ADHD. Every neurodivergent person is unique. Some may need support to help them fulfil their

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Supporting Children Through Secondary Transition

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Supporting Children Through Secondary Transition

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Please scan this code and complete the form to let us know of any safeguarding concerns you may have about any child in our school

Your concern will be sent to our safeguarding team who will act accordingly to ensure the safety of the child.

Staff may contact you for further information if necessary.

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Parent's Guide - Online Grooming safety guide

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Parent's Guide - Online Grooming safety guide

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Parent's Guide - Fortnite Battle Royale online safety guide

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Parent's Guide - Fortnite Battle Royale online safety guide

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Parent's Guide - Age-Inappropriate Content

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Parent's Guide - Age-Inappropriate Content

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What is autism?

Autism is a developmental condition that affects how someone sees the world and interacts with other people. Because it is a spectrum condition, autism affects people in different ways – and individuals can experience different aspects of the condition to greater or lesser extents.

While experiencing one or more of these traits doesn’t necessarily mean someone is autistic, most autistic people tend to experience the following things to some extent:

difficulty recognising or understanding other people's feelings, and expressing their own

being over- or under-sensitive to things like loud noises and bright lights, and finding crowded noisy spaces challenging

preferring familiar routines and finding unexpected changes to those routines challenging or distressing

having intense and specific interests in certain things

difficulty reading body language and facial expressions, and understanding figurative language such as irony and sarcasm

Depending on your child’s age, some other things you may notice could include sensitivity to certain clothes or textures, sensitivity to particular foods, tastes or smells, or thinking about things very literally.

The National Autistic Society’s videos give a useful idea of what some of these things might feel like from the perspective of an autistic young person.

Autistic people may also experience mental health issues because they:

find day-to-day life, routines and social interactions stressful or difficult to cope with.

feel particularly overwhelmed or anxious about change.

find it difficult to make sense of or express their feelings, including challenges around language and communication.

feel worried about social situations, including feeling a pressure to ‘fit in’ or that they don’t ‘fit in’.

find relationships difficult to navigate, or feel unsure about how to make connections with others.

If your child is autistic and they are struggling with their mental health...

It can be incredibly challenging and worrying for you as their parent – and it might feel hard to know how you can help.

Remember there are things you can do to support your child and make things better – including working on practical strategies together and finding the right professional help if they need it.

For more information and advice on supporting your autistic child with their mental health, have a look at the National Autistic Society's website.

Supporting your autistic child with their mental health

Starting a conversation

If you’re concerned that your child is struggling, try to open up a conversation with them about what’s going on.

Sometimes, these things can help your child to open up:

Find a place to talk that is quiet and calm.

Things like background noise or bright lighting can be distracting and make a difficult conversation much harder

Try talking while doing an activity.

Chatting side-to-side instead of face-to-face might be easier. This could be something like driving, walking or colouring-in together.

Find out what kind of communication works for them.

Are there things that would make talking to you easier – such as speaking in a particular place or at a certain time? Would they prefer to text, write something down, draw something or have time in advance to think about their answers?

Try asking closed, direct questions.

While everyone is different, and you will know what works best for your child, autistic people can find open questions such as "How was your day?" much harder to answer than something more defined, like "Did anything happen today that upset you?"

.During conversations, allow enough time for them to answer.

Your child may need some time to process your question and respond to it. When waiting for an answer, it might feel tempting to ask the question again or rephrase it – but it’s okay to leave some silence sometimes.

Other strategies that can help

Below are some more tips for how you can support your autistic child.

Keep daily routines as predictable as possible for your child to help reduce anxiety.

If there’s a change in their routine coming up, help them to prepare for it in advance, and think together about what might help them cope.

Give them extra space to recharge after a particularly busy day or period.

Having time to rest in a way that works for them can prevent things from building up and becoming overwhelming.

Ask if they would like to join a local group for autistic children or young people.

This can be particularly helpful if they are feeling worried about social situations or struggling to make friends. You may be able to find a group by joining one of the National Autistic Society’s local branches, or searching their directory for other local services.

Support them to understand which strategies help them manage difficult situations and anxiety.

Encourage them to come up with their own ideas based on what works for them.

Work with the people in your child’s life to help them understand your child’s needs, communication style and triggers.

Having people around them who understand them can help to reduce day-to-day stress. This could include teachers at school or other family members. It can be more helpful to focus on this, rather than expecting your child to be able to significantly change their own behaviour.

Support them to do the daily things that are important for our wellbeing.

This includes eating well, getting regular exercise, staying hydrated by drinking things like juice or water, getting enough sleep and spending time with loved ones.

Seek professional help if you’re concerned.

For further guidance and support, please visit ...
https://www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/parents-a-z-mental-health-guide/autism-and-mental-health/

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Living with OCD can be exhausting for a child or young person, and for you as their parent or carer. It’s so upsetting to see your child distressed, and it might feel at times like you don’t know how to help them.

But getting a diagnosis and having treatment that’s been shown to work can make things so much better. Over time, it is possible for your child to come out the other side and feel okay again.

Here we outline how you can find and access the right help, and how you can make your child feel supported at home.

What is OCD?

OCD is an anxiety-related mental health condition.

Young people with OCD experience anxiety-provoking thoughts, called ‘obsessions’. They also carry out certain behaviours, called ‘compulsions’, to try to cope with these thoughts.

While we all have negative or unwanted thoughts sometimes, a young person with OCD often feels unable to put their thoughts down or move on from them.

What are obsessions?

Obsessions are unwelcome or intrusive thoughts, worries, feelings, images, urges or doubts. Everyone’s obsessions are different, but they can include:

worrying about something bad happening, like their home burning down or someone they love dying

worrying that they are going to harm someone else, or have already harmed someone else

worrying about becoming contaminated – for example with germs, viruses, infections, dirt or dangerous chemicals

intrusive sexual thoughts or images

intrusive violent thoughts or images

having a general feeling or sense that something is wrong, or that something bad is going to happen

What are compulsions?

Carrying out compulsions can bring short-term relief, and it might feel in the moment like they are helping. But any relief is always short lived. Then the anxiety comes back and the person feels like they have to do the compulsions again.

This can create a cycle of obsessions and compulsions that can really affect day-to-day life. Obsessions and compulsions can take up lots of time and cause lots of anxiety or distress. They can make it hard to do important things, like sleeping, studying and socialising with friends and family. They might make a young person feel scared, disgusted or ashamed about their thoughts and behaviour. Or like their mind is full of horrible things they cannot control.

How is OCD treated?

The National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (NICE) provides guidelines for NHS treatments. They recommend that people experiencing OCD symptoms should have:

cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT)

medication in some circumstances, and more commonly if they are 18 or older

CBT is a specific type of therapy, and it is different to more general forms of counselling or talking therapy. CBT is recommended because OCD is a specific condition that usually needs specialist treatment to get better.

What is CBT?

CBT is a type of talking therapy that focuses on changing the way we think and behave. Over time, a CBT therapist can help your child to develop a different relationship with their thoughts and how they feel about them. They can also support them to try out new ways of responding or behaving when they’re experiencing obsessions.

NICE recommends that CBT therapy for OCD should include Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) techniques. ERP involves purposefully letting obsessive thoughts come up without using compulsions to deal with them. This can help your child to realise that they can manage the anxiety without compulsions.

If your child is under 18, NICE recommends that you, or their other parent or carer, should be involved in the CBT so that you can support them with the techniques at home.

Your child may have online, in-person, group or individual CBT. NICE guidelines state that they should have a choice about which they would feel most comfortable with.

For more advice and guidance, please visit...
https://www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/parents-a-z-mental-health-guide/ocd/

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Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) | Parent Guide

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Find out what OCD is, how it might impact your child’s mental health, what help and treatment is available and how you can support your child at home.

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It’s normal for children and young people to feel worried about something that’s happening at school – for example, when starting a new school or during exams. Sometimes, however, school can become challenging, stressful or distressing over a much longer period of time.

If your child is feeling anxious about school, or not able to go, it can be exhausting for both of you. Mornings in particular can become really stressful for the whole family, as you try to juggle your child’s feelings alongside the need to get them to school and get on with your other responsibilities such as work. Even if you manage to get your child to the school gate, you might know how difficult they’re going to find the day – or know that you’ll be facing the same problem tomorrow morning.

If you’re in this situation, we’ve got advice to help you explore what’s going on with your child, make changes at school that can help, and find the support you need if your child can’t go to school.

What makes young people feel anxious about school?

Young people can feel anxious about school for lots of different reasons. They might be worried about making friends or fitting in, find schoolwork or lessons confusing, feel pressured to learn in a certain way or find their relationships with teachers difficult.

Sometimes, going through difficult experiences outside of school – such as bereavement, an illness in the family or being a young carer – can also make it harder for a child to feel settled at school.

For some young people, the school environment isn’t right for them, and trying to fit into it can create a huge amount of stress. This might be the case if they are struggling with their mental health, or have a neurodiverse condition or Special Educational Need (SEN) such as autism, ADHD, dyslexia or dyspraxia. This can make the school environment anxiety-provoking and exhausting, especially if their condition or need is undiagnosed or not being well supported.

Young people might show they’re feeling anxious about school by:

not wanting to get up and get ready

saying they can’t go

worrying a lot about small issues, such as having the right equipment for a lesson

feeling sick, or having stomach aches or headaches

not sleeping well

not doing schoolwork, or their grades dropping

being angry or upset, or acting out – at school or at home

withdrawing – seeming low, quiet or depressed

Finding out what's going on for your child

Sometimes it can be difficult to work out what’s making your child feel anxious, and the first step is often helping them to identify exactly what’s worrying them. Once you understand the problem, you’ll be in a much better position to make changes that can help.

Young people can find it hard to explain what’s causing their feelings, and might not be able to answer direct questions like ‘what’s going on?’ Using an anxiety iceberg can help to open up the conversation – giving you a more relaxed way of exploring together what’s causing their anxiety.

Watch our video to find out how to make an anxiety iceberg with your child.

If you’re making an anxiety iceberg with younger children, you might want to draw images on the iceberg, or encourage them to write simple words. With older children and teenagers, you can ask them to write key words and phrases on the iceberg, or do this as a mind map, with ‘school’ in the middle and all the things they’re finding difficult around the outside.

Through this exercise, you might identify worries such as arriving at school, finding the environment noisy or overwhelming, finding lessons confusing, feeling lonely through the day, or feeling uncomfortable during specific subjects.

Please come and speak to us if your child is feeling anxious about school, where appropriate, we will always make the necessary changes to help your child feel more comfortable.

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How to support your child if they're struggling with school anxiety

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What is self-esteem?

Self-esteem is how a person feels about themselves. Most children will have dips in self-esteem as they go through different stages or challenges in life, and there are different pressures that may affect them - including social media, bullying, exams, family problems and abuse.

Things like starting a new school, moving house or going through changes in the family can also affect a child’s confidence - but with support from parents and other adults they can usually get through this.

Signs of good self-esteem or low self-esteem

Children and young people with high self-esteem often:

have a positive image of themselves

are confident

can make friends easily and are not anxious with new people

can play in groups or on their own

will try and solve problems on their own, but will ask for help if they need to

can be proud of their achievements

can admit mistakes and learn from them

will try new things and adapt to change

Children and young people with low self-esteem often:

have a negative image of themselves - they might feel bad, ugly, unlikeable or stupid

lack confidence

find it hard to make and keep friendships, and may feel victimised by others

feel lonely and isolated

tend to avoid new things and find change hard

can't deal well with failure.

tend to put themselves down and might say things like "I’m stupid" or "I can't do that"

are not proud of what they achieve and always think they could have done better.

are constantly comparing themselves to their peers in a negative way

How can I help my child with their self-esteem?

Show them how much you love them

Show your child lots of love and be positive about them as a person – tell them what makes them special to you.

Let them know you value effort rather than perfection

Children can miss out on lots if they don't try because they are too worried about not ‘succeeding’. Reassure them it's okay to make mistakes and that it's all part of life. Let them know that getting it wrong is not the end of the world - it happens to everyone and it's how we learn.

Encourage them to try new challenges, make plans for things they’d like to accomplish, and celebrate them for it

Phrases like "Well done, that was hard, and you managed it," are good. Make the steps small at first, then increase the challenges.

Encourage them to voice their ideas and opinions

Let them know that it’s okay when people disagree - and we all see things differently.

Set an example

Try to model being kind to yourself when things don't go the way you wanted them to - and show them that you can have a positive attitude when faced with challenges.

Ask about the things they enjoy and find rewarding

You could ask them to tell you about three good things that went well during their day.

Acknowledge their feelings and help them to express them in words

For example, you could encourage them to say, "I'm upset because..." or "I feel happy when...".

Challenge their perception of themselves

When they criticise themselves or their abilities, gently challenge them by letting them know how you see them.

Help them to discover themselves and their talents

It could help to join a club, group or activity. Finding something they are good at, and realising that they can do new things, can provide a huge boost to their feelings of self-worth.

You could also encourage them to express themselves creatively - for example through art, drama or music. Or, they might like to get involved with a voluntary or community project that makes a difference in the world, which could help them to develop a more positive opinion of themselves.

Spend quality time together doing things they enjoy

You can find lots of activity ideas in our guide.

For more information, please visit...
https://www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/parents-a-z-mental-health-guide/self-esteem/

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What is self-harm?

Self-harm is when someone hurts themselves on purpose as a way of trying to manage distressing or overwhelming feelings and experiences. Someone who is self-harming might be dealing with lots of intense thoughts and feelings, and hurting themselves may feel like the only way to cope. Or, they might feel numb and hurt themselves in order to feel something.

If your child is self-harming, or you’re concerned they might be, it can be incredibly worrying and upsetting for you as their parent. The important thing to remember is that you and your child are not alone - lots of young people go through this and come out the other side with different ways of coping with their feelings. On this page, you can find out how to support your child and where to find professional help.

Signs a young person is self-harming

If you’re worried that your child is self-harming but they aren’t talking to you about it or showing visible injuries, it can be difficult to know what's going on.

Ways that young people self-harm

Some ways that young people self-harm include:

cutting themselves

scratching skin with fingernails

burning skin

biting skin

hitting themselves, or banging their head or another part of their body on a wall

pulling hair out from their head, eyebrows or eyelashes

inserting objects into their body

Things to look out for

If you are worried your child may be self-harming, here are some things to look out for:

unexplained cuts, burns, bite marks, bruises or bald patches

keeping themselves covered, for example wearing long sleeves or trousers even during hot weather, not wanting to change clothes around others or avoiding activities like swimming

bloody tissues in waste bins

seeming low or depressed, for example withdrawing from friends and family

blaming themselves for problems or expressing feelings of failure, uselessness or hopelessness

outbursts of anger or argumentativeness

Reasons why a young person might self-harm

Self-harm is usually a way of trying to manage very difficult feelings. People often self-harm when life feels hard to cope with – when lots of distressing feelings have built up and it’s become overwhelming. In the moment, the sensation of self-harming and experiencing some physical pain can feel easier than feeling out of control emotionally.

If a young person is self-harming, it’s often a sign that something in their life isn’t quite right or has become too much to deal with. It can be understood as an important message about how a young person is feeling – one that needs to be noticed with care by the adults around them.

Some myths you might hear about self-harm can make it harder to talk about as a parent – including that it’s a ‘phase’ young people go through, or that it’s an attention-seeking behaviour.

While it might feel hard to understand sometimes from the outside, self-harm can be a way for a young person to:

manage, reduce or express very strong and upsetting emotions – such as hurt, sadness, anger, fear or feeling bad about themselves

relieve tension and pressure, or reduce feelings of panic and anxiety and temporarily feel calmer

experience a feeling of physical pain to distract from emotional pain

gain a sense of control over feelings or problems – for example, by feeling there’s something they can do when things feel too much

stop feeling numb or ‘zoned-out’ – which can be a protection mechanism our bodies use when we’re experiencing overwhelming feelings

However, while it often feels like self-harm brings some relief in the moment, this is only temporary. As feelings build up again, so does the urge to self-harm. As this cycle continues over time, a young person may start to feel ashamed, confused or frightened about the fact that they’re self-harming – increasing the load they’re carrying on top of what they’re already going through. This can become a cycle that’s really hard to break, and a habit that’s hard to stop.

Helping your child with self-harm

Helping your child in the short term

When the urge to self-harm does build in the moment, having a list of other things they can do straight away can also help your child to ‘ride the wave of’ their intense feelings without self-harming.

Remember that different things will work for different people, and that what helps will usually depend on the feelings your child is trying to manage. Some young people will want to do something soothing like wrapping themselves up in a comfy space, while others might want to do something very active to burn off the energy in their body.

Talk to your child about different strategies they could try, while also giving them space to find their own ways of coping and figure out what works for them. Strategies could include:

Making and using a self soothe box

Writing down how they’re feeling in a journal

Writing down difficult feelings on pieces of paper and then ripping them up

Ripping up a magazine or newspaper

Hitting a soft cushion, pillow or bean bag

Listening to loud music

Having a shower

Doing some exercise

Going for a walk outside, or taking the dog for a walk

Focusing on their breathing – how it feels in their body to breathe in and out

Wrapping up in a blanket or duvet

Talking to someone – a friend, family member or calling a helpline

Tidying or organising something

Doing a hobby they enjoy that helps them feel calm, such as painting, drawing, colouring-in, watching a favourite TV programme, playing video games, cooking or baking

Your child might want to use an app like Calm Harm so they have something on their phone that suggests different techniques they can try when they feel the urge to self-harm.

Helping your child over the longer term

Over the longer-term, becoming more aware of how they feel when they self-harm, what’s making them feel this way and what kinds of things help, will empower your child to feel more in control. This will hopefully reduce the sense of being overwhelmed and the feeling that they need to self-harm. You can find more tips about this below.

Try to open up a conversation about what’s going on

It might help to start a conversation while walking outside or doing an activity, which can help your child to feel more relaxed and make it feel less like a ‘big chat’. It can also help both of you to be in a neutral space, for example not in their bedroom. You can find our activity ideas for starting a conversation in our guide to talking to your child about mental health.

While you may understandably have lots of questions, it’s important to remember your child is going through a tough time and may find this overwhelming. Focus on finding out how they’re doing, without bombarding them for information.

Keep communication as open as you can, letting your child know they can talk to you anytime

Remember that your child may feel ashamed about self-harming and find it difficult to talk about. Let them come to you when they feel ready to talk, and reassure them that they can talk to you as often and for as long as they need to.

If your child is struggling to talk, they might find it easier to text you or write you a letter. This also gives you time to process what they’ve told you and think about how you’d like to respond.

Stay calm and non-judgemental

When your child does open up, try to focus on listening, showing empathy and being curious about what it’s like for them, rather than trying to ‘fix’ things straightaway. Sometimes they will just want you to listen and understand how they are feeling.

Think together about what’s causing them to self-harm

Self-harm is a way of coping, and is usually a symptom of something else that’s going on. Are there things, such as a relationship or experiences at home or school, that are making them feel worried, frightened, upset or angry? Are there changes that could be made to make things better? Taking pressures away can help to reduce the feeling of being overwhelmed.

Help them to notice when the urge to self-harm builds, and how they’re feeling when that happens

What kinds of thoughts are they having, and how do they feel in their bodies? For example, they might start to feel more zoned-out, or like they’re full of panic. This can help them to recognise what feelings they’re trying to cope with, and what they can do instead to express and manage these.

Keeping a mood diary might help them to understand this overtime – this could be as simple as a word, phrase or emoji that they note down each day.

Spend quality time together doing activities they enjoy

Even if it’s just for a little while, doing something fun can give your child a break and help them relax. This might be drawing, making something, playing sport, cooking or watching a favourite film together.

Help them do the daily things that support our wellbeing

This includes getting up at a regular time, eating regular healthy meals, doing exercise, drinking water, spending quality time with loved ones and getting enough sleep (teens need a minimum of eight to ten hours per night). It might help to think about limits around screen time as part of this.

Ask your child if there are things that would help them to feel more safe

If you feel confident, you can ask them whether removing the things they are using to self-harm would be helpful, or whether this might cause them to use something that is less sanitary or more harmful. This can be a difficult question to ask and if you don’t feel confident, it’s okay to ask for professional advice.

Keep an eye on your child without making them feel policed

It’s completely natural that when you find out your child is self-harming, you may want to watch over them or know what they’re doing all the time. While it’s a good idea to monitor the situation and check in with them, sensing that they’re being watched may increase their feelings of anxiety and guilt. When it feels possible and they need it, give them some space.

Seek professional advice or help

While there are lots of things you can do to help your child, lots of young people in this situation will need professional help to shift the situation and feel better. You can find out how to access help below.

Finding professional help

There are different places where you can find help for your child. Speaking to your GP is often a good place to start, as they can discuss your concerns, speak to your child to find out how they’re doing and let you know what support options are available. Depending on your child’s situation, they can also refer them for an assessment by a mental health specialist or to Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS). You can speak to the GP yourself to explain the situation and ask for advice, even if your child doesn’t want to talk to them.

Young people who are self-harming may find it particularly helpful to speak to a counsellor or therapist, who can help them to make sense of how they’re feeling and work with them to find new ways of coping. Our guide to counselling services takes you through the process of finding a counsellor or therapist for your child.

You can find out more about speaking to GPs, finding a counsellor or therapist, accessing CAMHS, getting help from your child’s school and finding local services on our guide to getting help.

Getting help for your child

Trying to find the right help for your child and finding your way around different services can be really tiring at times – so keep reminding yourself that you’re doing your best and that it’s not easy.

Some young people who are self-harming will find it very difficult to speak to a professional, go to appointments or even acknowledge what’s going on. If things are feeling stuck, you can call our Parents Helpline for information, advice and support.

Parents Helpline and Webchat
Call our Parents Helpline for detailed advice, emotional support and signposting about a child or young person up to the age of 25.

You can call our Parents Helpline on 0808 802 5544, Monday - Friday 9:30am - 4:00pm.

For More information, please visit...
https://www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/parents-a-z-mental-health-guide/self-harm/

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#NoHarmDone | A Parent's Journey | My Child Self-Harms | YoungMinds

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Please complete this form and return it to either Mrs Ingram-Richards or Mrs Smith, our two Pastoral Support workers, who will arrange a meeting with you to discuss your concerns further and discuss what pastoral support is needed for your child.

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Pastoral referral form 2022 - Parent referral

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If you are worried about your child or teenager using the internet, this guide provides tips and advice for talking to your child about their use of social media and the internet.

Talking to your child about social media

The internet offers huge opportunities. From a young age, children have the chance to learn, research, play games, have fun and connect with family who may not live nearby. But it’s important to help them to use the online world in a way that’s safe and positive for their mental health.

That's why it's good to have regular conversations about the internet and social media from a young age – it should be as ordinary as talking about the weather, the dog, or something you’ve watched on TV.

You don’t need to pry or quiz your child about every website they’ve seen, but checking in with them for a minute or two can make a huge difference.

Take a look at our tips below for having positive conversations with your child about social media.

Lead by example

Talk to your child about your own experience of the online world. Show them sites and apps that you like, and explain why you like them. Show them how to use the internet in a positive way – to research things, to do homework, to talk to family, and to find out about the world. This helps them to have a critical eye.

You can also talk about your own less positive experiences online. If you feel pressured by the ‘perfect’ photos people share on social media, then being open with your child about this can be a good thing. It might help them understand that the ‘perfect’ pictures people share on social media don't always show reality. Encourage them to talk to you if they’re struggling with this.

Remember, children look to their parents as role models. For example, if you check your phone constantly at mealtimes, or play violent games in front of your children, then it’s likely your child might do the same.

Ask your child about the apps and websites they use

It can be easy to feel that you don’t understand the latest technology, apps or social media that your child is using. But don’t use this as an excuse not to get involved.

Ask your child to teach you and show you there about their favourite apps, games or websites. This will help you understand how they work so that you can talk about the positives and whether you have any concerns. A quick Google search can also tell you a lot.

If you think anything your child is accessing is not appropriate for their age, be ready to explain why you think this. Wherever possible, make it a joint decision with your child, so they understand the reasons not to use something and will stick to it.

Reassure them that they can always talk to you

Research suggests that most children are actually more cautious than adults online, and that most are good at navigating the internet safely. Often when they do come across upsetting content, it’s not because they’ve gone looking for it, but because they’ve found it by accident, or because someone’s sent it to them.

It is a good idea to reassure your child that they can always talk to you.

Ask them if they’ve seen anything online that they are not comfortable with. (They might have seen things like nasty comments, sexual content or violent images.)

Tell them that you won’t overreact if they tell you about something they’ve seen, that you’d much rather that they talked to you, instead of keeping it to themselves.

If they are upset or worried about something they've seen, talk about how they feel, and how they can avoid seeing them again in future.

If necessary, help them to report or block content they find disturbing.

Whatever happens, stay calm if you find they’ve come across something you don’t approve of.

Talk about personal information

Help your child to understand what’s meant by personal information, so they can develop an awareness of why it’s significant and why they should be cautious about sharing pictures of themselves or information online.

Some things for your child to know:

What you put online stays online. Even things you delete can be saved or screenshotted – including those Snapchats meant for just one friend.

Online strangers are still strangers. Forums and group chats can be a great way to connect over things you wouldn’t say face to face, but don’t feel pressured to share more than you feel comfortable with.

It’s easy to over-share on social media, especially if you forget who can see your profile.

Privacy is possible. You can change your settings to make your account private so that only people you know and trust can see your updates.

Don’t hesitate to block anyone who makes you feel uncomfortable and talk to someone you trust about it if this happens.

Discuss different social media platforms

Although most social media platforms are officially 13+, most children sign up to at least one when they’re much younger. It's better that you encourage them to be open with you, rather than thinking they need to keep it a secret from you. And be aware that if they accept your follow/friend request on a social media account, it’s very possible they have another one that they’re not sharing with you.

Remind your child that every social media platform has privacy settings, and show them how to use them.

Talk to your child about the sort of information they want to keep private.

Make sure your child understands how to report or block things that aren’t appropriate.

Help your child to understand that they shouldn’t feel the need to be available all the time on social media. It’s okay to take a break, and you don’t need to take part in every conversation.

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Change is a normal part of life, but it can feel difficult for children and young people to cope with. We have information and practical tips to help you support your child during a time of transition or change.

Young people go through all kinds of changes as they grow up – including when they move into a new class, go to secondary school, move to a new house or area, or experience changes within their family. These times of transition can be exciting. However, they can also be stressful, worrying or upsetting.

Change can be difficult when a young person does not want it to happen or does not feel ready for it, feels worried about something new or unknown, needs time to let go of something that has ended or feels that what is happening to them is out of their control. A child or young person may also find change difficult if they are already struggling with other things.

If your child is struggling to cope with change, have a look at our practical tips to help you support them.

Signs your child may be struggling with change

You know your child better than anybody else. It’s important to act on the warning signs if you start to feel concerned.

Catherine, a volunteer on our Parents Helpline, shares her tips:

Look out for a change in things like sleeping or eating habits.

Communicate with your child if you’ve seen these signs.

Keep going, even if it feels like you’re not getting through to them.

What to do if your child is finding change difficult

Be part of the solution

As a parent, be part of the solution. There are a number of things you can do to support your child, whether that be helping them plan, problem-solve, or develop a sense of hope for the future.

Jo’s tips:

Get interested in what your child is doing.

Open up conversations about what they’re involved in.

Keep an eye on pressure points.

Be your child's anchor

If your child is experiencing problems or going through significant change, it’s important that you can be an anchor for them.

Jo’s tips:

Being an anchor will be reassuring if things are changing.

Maintain hobbies and routines.

Be a sense of hope by encouraging them.

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Be your child's anchor | YoungMinds #Take20

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We have information and advice to help you and your family create a healthy culture around gaming, and to help you support your child if they're struggling.

Gaming, or playing electronic games via consoles such as Xboxes, smartphone apps, computers or other devices, has become a popular activity for many children, young people and adults. At YoungMinds, we hear from young people about the benefits and positive experiences that gaming can bring to their lives.

As a parent, however, you may sometimes feel worried about the feelings and behaviours your child experiences around gaming, as well as the amount of time they spend gaming. Along with lots of other families, you may be finding it difficult to create a healthy balance around screen time, or you may feel out of your depth if it’s not something you grew up with.

Here we answer common questions from parents, share the experiences of young people and suggest ideas for what you can do next.

How can I talk to my child about gaming?

If you find gaming a difficult subject to talk about, it’s helpful to remember that finding a supportive way to talk to your child about any issue is likely to be similar – regardless of the topic.

Have a look at our advice on starting a conversation with your child.

Young people tell us they would like parents to:

start by finding out what their experience is, rather than making assumptions that gaming is ‘bad’

ask them what they enjoy about gaming and what they get out of it, and be interested in what they have to say

recognise that gaming is a social thing – that for some young people, time spent gaming is also time spent with friends

think about ways to make gaming more sociable if you are worried that they are spending lots of time gaming alone

be curious about what else might be going on for them when they are worried about their behaviour – focusing on finding out what might be leading them to game so much or in certain ways, rather than assuming gaming is the problem

look for a compromise together

Young people tell us they don’t like it when parents:

do not recognise the ways in which gaming is helping, and instead approach the conversation as if gaming is ‘bad’

minimise or dismiss the fact that gaming is important to them

focus on the fact that the time spent gaming could be spent on schoolwork, rather than also thinking about other interests they might enjoy

ban gaming rather than looking for a compromise, without recognising that this can cut them off from their friends

How can gaming affect mental health?

The way a young person games will be influenced by lots of different factors – including their personality, interests, family, friendships and life at school.

For many young people, gaming is a fun, relaxing and social activity. Some may need help to set healthy limits, while others may turn to gaming as a way to cope with difficult feelings. Sometimes, gaming can seem like the ‘problem’ from the outside, when it’s really more of a symptom of how a young person is feeling – and may actually be helping them to manage.

For different reasons that depend on the individual situation, gaming can become compulsive for a minority of young people. The NHS now recognises that this can have a significant impact on their life and longer-term wellbeing, and provides specific support for people going through this.

We know that connecting with others and spending quality time with family, sleeping and eating well and doing regular physical exercise are all important for a young person’s wellbeing. If someone is regularly gaming in a way that stops them from doing these things, this could be a key reason why it starts to negatively affect their mental health.

Young people tell us that the positive impacts of gaming include:

being able to make new friends and build connections with people from all over the world

having a way to relax and unwind after school or work

having an opportunity to escape everyday life and get absorbed in something

socialising in a way that feels easier because you can be more anonymous and don’t need to make small talk

getting support with what you’re going through from friends you’ve made while gaming

finding a community of people going through the same things you are

learning new skills

How can I set boundaries around gaming?

It is normal for a young person to want to spend time gaming on a regular basis. The point at which it becomes ‘too much’ depends on what is right for your child, and the boundaries you feel comfortable with as a parent. When deciding on the right screen time limits for your family, it’s useful to think about:

the extent to which screens are impacting things that are important for wellbeing – such as eating well, getting enough sleep, going to school, spending time outside and connecting with people face-to-face

the extent to which screens are interfering with other activities your family wants to do, such as eating together and having face-to-face conversations

If your child is finding it difficult to game in a way that leaves time for these other important activities, it’s likely that they need help from you to set healthy boundaries. It’s a good idea to set these limits in a way that encourages your child to avoid screens for at least an hour before bedtime, in order to help them sleep well.

Below are some things that might help:

Try ChildNet’s Family Agreement.

A Family Agreement allows everyone in the family to negotiate screen limits together, helping children to feel empowered by giving them a space to say what they need – including asking adults to limit their own phone or email-checking time.

Follow through on the consequences you have agreed with your child.

This will help to make the boundaries clear and consistent.

Think together about how to stop a gaming session.

It might help to use a sand timer or stopwatch to remind them how long they’ve got left, use in-game timers to set a fixed play time or agree the stopping point in a way that works for the game they’re playing – for example, stopping at the end of a particular level.

Think together about offline activities they might enjoy.

Some children and young people game a lot because it feels like a space in which they are accepted, and they haven’t been able to find this offline. Talk with them about other fun and creative activities they might enjoy doing alone, with peers or with the family, which they can try alongside gaming.

Ask your child if there’s a game they would like to play with you.

Finding games you both enjoy can turn gaming into something that helps you spend quality time together. However, remember to respect your child’s wishes if they don’t want to play with you, as some games may feel very personal to them.

Avoid arguments when emotions are running high.

Try not to react or argue back when your child is feeling worked-up, as this will escalate the situation. Give yourself and your child a chance to have some space before you talk.

Even when it’s difficult, make it clear that you’re coming from a place of love and concern.

When you’re stuck in cycles of arguments, it’s easy for both you and your child to focus on the negatives. Remember to let them know that you’re helping them to set limits because you care about them.

Talk to other parents.

Are they finding this issue difficult, and what do they think might help? Are there boundaries you can set together so that your child experiences the same limits as their friends?

How can I help my child stay safe while gaming?

Use age ratings. Games have age ratings just like films. Pan European Game Information (PEGI) provides detailed age ratings to help you decide how appropriate a game is for your child.

Talk about spending money. Lots of games offer the opportunity to buy extra capabilities, such as game-world currency or weapons, within the game. This includes loot boxes, which can encourage people to spend because they offer randomised rewards. Young people can feel pressure to spend to keep up with other players – and could spend significant amounts of their own or their parent’s money, or run up a debt. Talk to your child about whether this is something they’re aware of.

Report your concerns. If you’re worried about the way someone is communicating with your child online you can report it to Child Exploitation and Online Protection (CEOP) who can advise and support you.

Agree spending limits. Agree spending limits as part of your negotiation about gaming boundaries. If your child does end up owing you money, it’s important that you think together about how they can repay it, either financially or with acts like helping out around the house. Otherwise online debt may start to feel ‘unreal’ to them.

Help your child understand how they can stay safe online. Many young people game with others they meet online, benefiting from new friendships and a sense of community. However, this can put them at risk of being exposed to inappropriate or upsetting content, cyberbullying or being groomed for coercive relationships. Use our online safety guide to help your child understand the risks, how to stay safe and what they can do if anything worries or upsets them.

Signs that there may be a problem

While there is no exhaustive list of signs that a young person is struggling with their relationship with gaming, and every young person is different, a young person may be negatively impacted by gaming if they are:

feeling regularly exhausted and disengaged at school – experiencing poor concentration, irritability and worsening academic performance

prioritising gaming over important daily activities like sleeping, eating and washing

only socialising online and finding in-person interactions difficult to manage, enjoy or feel interested in

no longer keeping up with other interests they used to enjoy alongside gaming

talking a lot about gaming to the point that they find it difficult to talk or think about much else

What to do if you're worried

If you’re worried about your child’s gaming, start by opening up a conversation to find out what’s going on and how they’re feeling – and think with them about whether there are strategies you can work on together that might help.

If your child is regularly experiencing these feelings and behaviours and it’s already been going on for a while, it might be helpful to speak to a professional about what support they need.

It’s a good idea to seek professional advice if your child is:

finding it difficult and seriously distressing to end a gaming session, including experiencing feelings of anger, aggression (towards themselves or others), agitation and anxiety that are hard for them to manage when they do finally stop

using drugs to prolong gaming sessions

For further information, please visit...
https://www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/parents-a-z-mental-health-guide/gaming/

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Food, eating and mental health

Our relationship with food can change - and that's okay

Children’s attitudes to eating are affected by a range of factors including the attitudes and behaviours of parents and peers towards food, nutrition and body image, trauma, stress, and bullying. Appetites may change at different ages and this is normal; some eat a lot or eat anything, others are more particular. Younger children often refuse to eat certain foods and teenagers may try 'fad diets'. Most of us have tried out different eating habits or diets at some time in our lives, whether to lose or put on weight or to improve our health, and this is not necessarily a cause for concern.

Problems can start to emerge when a child or young person feels under pressure. They may lose their appetite; or they may turn to food for comfort and eat even when they are not hungry; their worries about food may be related to their size or body shape, or can be more about their emotions and self-esteem.

When does it becomes a problem?

Young people’s problems with food can begin as a coping strategy for times when they are bored, anxious, angry, lonely, ashamed or sad. Food becomes a problem when it is used to help cope with painful situations or feelings, or to relieve stress, perhaps without even realising it. Children can fear getting fat and may perceive their body shape differently than those around them. It is useful to know that an eating problem is usually symptomatic and suggests there is an underlying problem that needs to be identified, understood and treated.

Young people with eating disorders often consider them to be a solution rather than a problem, making identification and treatment more difficult. They tend to have extreme concerns and sense of self-worth in terms of body shape and weight. If you're worried about your child there are things you can do to help.

How can I help my child with an eating problem?

Be aware that they may deny they have a problem

Be aware that many young people may deny they have a problem. They may try to keep it a secret, and find it difficult to accept they need help

Go to see your GP

Make notes about your main concerns ahead of the appointment. The GP will make an assessment and if they think your child needs specialist help, they should be able to refer you to a mental health professional specialising in this area.

There is different treatment options

There are many different types of treatment, depending on the nature of the eating disorder and the symptoms. Treatment can includes dietary control as well as individual and family therapy aimed at resolving underlying emotional problems.

.Hospital admission can be necessary

If the young person has lost a great deal of weight, or other help seems not to work, they may need to spend some time in hospital or a special unit, where treatment can be more closely monitored.

Hospital admission can be necessary

If the young person has lost a great deal of weight, or other help seems not to work, they may need to spend some time in hospital or a special unit, where treatment can be more closely monitored.

They may find it easier to talk to a teacher

Young people unwilling to accept help from their parents may find it easier to talk to a teacher at school.

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Going through different emotions is part of life. While it can feel worrying as a parent, it is normal for young people to feel low sometimes, and this can be a natural response to what’s happening around them. Often, the passing of time and support from people they’re close to can help things feel better again.

When a young person is feeling depressed, however, sadness and low feelings become more overwhelming, persisting over a longer period of time and making day-to-day life difficult.

Knowing that your child is feeling depressed can be incredibly worrying as a parent. But remember that lots of young people go through depression and come out the other side and feel okay again, and that there are things you can do to help them - including providing emotional support, working on practical strategies together and finding the right professional support if they need it.

Symptoms of low mood and depression

As a parent, it can be useful to understand the difference between having a generally low mood and feeling depressed. This can help you to think through what your child is experiencing and the type of support they need.

If your child is experiencing a low mood, they may feel more sad, tearful, worried, tired or angry than usual, or feel low and less confident about themselves – but then feel better after a few days or weeks. They may also start to feel better quite quickly after making small changes in their life or routine – for example after resolving a disagreement with a friend, getting to the end of a stressful time at school or starting a more regular sleeping pattern.

When a young person is depressed, sadness and low feelings do not change or go away with time. These feelings can become overwhelming and stop them from doing or enjoying things they normally would. When a young person is experiencing this, it’s very difficult to shift the situation without extra help and support.

While every young person is different, and these feelings are often expressed differently at different ages, some signs that your child may be feeling depressed include:

withdrawing, or avoiding friends or social situations

finding it hard to concentrate, and/or losing interest in schoolwork

not wanting to do things they previously enjoyed

feeling irritable, angry or frustrated

feeling tearful, miserable, lonely or hopeless

feeling empty or numb

being very self-critical, or feeling less confident

sleeping more or less than normal

eating more or less than normal

feeling tired or not having any energy

showing less or no interest in self-care activities like washing

wanting to self-harm

experiencing suicidal thoughts

If your child is experiencing one or two of these things, it does not necessarily mean that they are experiencing depression. But it’s important to speak to your GP as a first step so that you can explore what’s going on together.

How to help your child with depression and low mood

Try to open up a conversation about what’s going on.

You might start by letting them know that you’ve noticed they don’t seem very happy at the moment, voicing your concerns in a caring and non-judgmental way.

Have a look at our guide on starting a conversation about mental health with your child for more tips.

Listen and provide emotional support.

Try not to ask too many questions, come up with quick solutions or gloss over their sadness. Empathise with how they’re feeling and remember they’ve taken a risk in opening up to you – let them know they can talk to you as often and for as long as they need to.

Try not take it personally if you’re on the receiving end of anger, frustration and sadness, as it’s often a sign of how much your child trusts you when they can express these feelings with you. However, it is completely understandable if this sometimes becomes too much for you to manage as a parent - and if that happens, it's a good idea to seek professional help and advice.

If they don’t feel able to talk to you at the moment, encourage them to speak to someone else – while reassuring them that you’ll still be there.

We have a list of services and helplines they can use on our reaching out for help page, which you can point them towards.

Try again another day if they don’t want to talk.

Young people often find it difficult to open up about how they’re feeling because they don’t want to worry or upset anyone. Let them know that you’re there when they’re ready to talk, and that you want to hear about however they’re feeling.

Think together about whether there’s anything in particular that’s making them feel this way.

This could include a problem with a friendship or family relationship, feeling bullied or left out at school, feeling overwhelmed by school work, struggling with a change such as divorce or separation in the family, or a combination of things.

Are there changes that could be made at home or school that would make things easier?

Help your child to think about who’s in their support circle.

They might even want to keep a list of the people they trust and can reach out to for support when they need it, together with their contact details. Doing this exercise can help your child to feel less isolated, reminding them that there are people in their life who care about them.

Encourage them to think about what they enjoy doing.

Take a step-by-step approach towards helping them do these activities when they feel able to. This could be things like exercising or playing sport, listening to music, doing something creative like colouring or drawing, watching a favourite film, reading a favourite book or going for a walk with you.

Help them do the daily things that support our wellbeing.

This includes getting up at a regular time, eating regular healthy meals, doing exercise, drinking water, spending quality time with loved ones and getting enough sleep (teens need a minimum of eight to ten hours per night). It might help to think about limits around screen time as part of this.

Ask them if they would find it helpful to come up with a plan for the kinds of things they can do when they’re struggling.

Together you can explore things like the type of support they would find helpful from you and others, the activities that help them to feel better and the people or services they can get in touch with when they need support.

Reassure them.

Let them know you love them, these feelings won’t last forever, and that you can find support to help things feel better.

For more details please visit https://www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/parents-a-z-mental-health-guide/depression-and-low-mood/

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Discussing Depression - Roundup | YoungMinds Parents Lounge

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What is anxiety?

Anxiety is a feeling of worry or fear that is experienced as a combination of physical sensations, thoughts and feelings.

All children and young people feel worried sometimes, and this is a normal part of growing up. At certain points, such as on their first day of school or before an exam, young people may become more worried, but will soon be able to calm down and feel better.

Anxiety can become a problem when a young person feels stuck in it, or when it feels like an overwhelming, distressing or unmanageable experience. If this kind of worrying goes on for a long time, it can leave a young person feeling exhausted and isolated, and limit the things they feel able to do.

If your child is struggling with anxiety, there are things you can do to help them – including providing emotional support, working on practical strategies together and finding the right professional help if they need it.

Symptoms of anxiety

Anxiety tends to affect a young person’s body, thoughts and feelings. They may also behave differently, including turning to certain coping behaviours to try to avoid or manage their anxiety.

Physical symptoms:

panic attacks, which can include having a racing heart, breathing very quickly, sweating or shaking

shallow or quick breathing, or feeling unable to breathe

feeling sick

dry mouth

sweating more than usual

tense muscles

wobbly legs

irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), diarrhoea or needing to pee more than usual

getting very hot

Thoughts and feelings:

preoccupied by upsetting, scary or negative thoughts
nervous, on edge, panicky or frightened

overwhelmed or out of control

full of dread or an impending sense of doom

alert to noises, smells or sights

worrying about being unable to cope with daily things like school, friendships and being in groups or social situations

worrying so much that it is difficult to concentrate and/or sleep

Coping behaviours:

withdrawing or isolating themselves – including not wanting to go to school, be in social or group situations, be away from parents or try new things

repeating certain behaviours, actions or rituals (often called ‘obsessive compulsive behaviours’)

eating more or less than usual

self-harming

How to help your child in an anxious moment

When your child is in the middle of a very anxious moment, they may feel frightened, agitated or worried about having a panic attack. The important thing to do in the moment is to help them calm down and feel safe.

These strategies can help:

Breathe slowly and deeply together.

You can count slowly to five as you breathe in, and then five as you breathe out. If this is too much, try starting with shorter counts. If it works for them, gradually encourage your child to breathe out for one or two counts longer than they breathe in, as this can help their body relax.

Sit with them and offer calm physical reassurance.

Feeling you nearby, or holding your hand or having a cuddle if it’s possible, can be soothing.

Try using all five senses together.

Connecting with what they can see, touch, hear, smell and taste can bring them closer to the present moment and reduce the intensity of their anxiety. You might think together about five things they can see, four things they can touch, three things they can hear, two things they can smell and one thing they can taste.

Reassure them that the anxiety will pass and that they will be okay.

It can be helpful to describe it as a wave that they can ride or surf until it peaks, breaks and gets smaller.

Ask them to think of a safe and relaxing place or person in their mind.

If you haven’t tried this before, agree with them when they’re feeling calm what this place or person is. It could be their bedroom, a grandparent’s house, a favourite place in nature or somewhere they’ve been on holiday. Sometimes holding a memento of a relaxing place, like a seashell or pebble, can help.

Encourage them to do something that helps them to feel calmer.

This could be running, walking, listening to music, painting, drawing or colouring-in, writing in a journal, watching a favourite film or reading a favourite book.

Remember that everyone is different, and that over time you and your child can work together to find the things that work best for them in these moments.

How to help your child manage their anxiety

Outside of moments when your child is feeling particularly anxious or panicky, there are things you can do over time to help them manage their anxiety and feel better.

A lot of these strategies are about helping your child to understand themselves and find out what works for them. The more confident they feel about helping themselves when things are hard, the more they will believe in their ability to cope – helping to reduce feelings of panic.

In a calmer moment, talk with your child about their anxiety.

Ask them what it feels like in their mind and body, and what things make them feel that way. It can be tempting to dismiss their worries because you want to reassure them, but it’s important to empathise with their experience and validate their feelings. You can find more tips on our guide to starting a conversation.

Think together about whether there’s anything in particular that’s making them feel anxious.

This could include a friendship, a relationship with a family member, their schoolwork or a combination of things. Are there changes that could be made at home or school that would make things easier? If your child is worrying about things that are outside of their control, it might help to name together who is responsible for managing the problem – for example, you might say, “worrying about money is the parents’ job”.

Help your child to recognise the signs that tell them they’re getting anxious.

Anxiety might make them feel sick or make their heart race. Getting to know these signs can make them less frightening and overwhelming when they happen. It can also empower them to know when to ask for help or to do something to help themselves.

Think together about the activities that help them to express themselves and reduce their anxiety.

Your child could try doing exercise, drawing or painting, writing in a journal, watching a favourite film, talking to friends or cooking and baking. These kinds of activities can help them to feel calmer.

Try activities that help them to relax, such as mindfulness, yoga or meditation.

Teenagers might like to use a mindfulness or meditation app such as Headspace or Calm. Remember that some people find these activities more helpful than others, so encourage your child to decide what works for them.

Make a worry box or self-soothe box.

It might help your child to write down their worries and put them in a worry box, giving them a physical place where their worries can be ‘held’. Or they might prefer a self-soothe box (see video below), which they can fill with things that help them when they feel anxious – like photos, fidget toys, scented oils and positive quotes. You can find out how to make a worry box by reading our guide for parents.

Help them do the daily things we know are important for our mental health.

These are physical exercise, sleeping well, eating healthily, drinking water and spending quality time with loved ones. Regular exercise is particularly important for anxiety because it can help to reduce the symptoms in the body. It doesn’t have to be strenuous – walking or gentle yoga can help.

Encourage them to cut out stimulants.

Reducing or stopping drinking coffee, caffeinated drinks and alcohol can help because these can all trigger the physical symptoms of anxiety.

Spend quality time together and talk about other things.

Even if it’s just for a little while, you can help your child take their mind off their worries by having fun, relaxing and laughing. Activities like playing a sport, sewing or playing musical instruments are great for focusing the mind on the moment.

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If you're experiencing challenging behaviour from your child, here are our tips for what you can do and where to get help.

This guide is for: Parents and carers of primary aged children, although some advice may be helpful for older children and young people.

Parenting is an incredibly rewarding and challenging experience.

At times, it can feel like a real rollercoaster of emotions – particularly when your child is behaving in ways that are difficult to manage and understand.

Children’s behaviour can be challenging in different ways at different stages. Often, this behaviour is developmentally ‘normal’, which means it fits with the age they have reached. Sometimes, however, a child’s challenging behaviour becomes more frequent and difficult to manage. When this is the case, daily life can become exhausting for you as a parent.

Remember it is possible to come through this – with support, your child can find healthier ways to express and manage their feelings, and both of you can experience a more positive family life.

What is challenging behaviour?

Just like us, children behave differently at different times. Feeling upset, sad, cross, frustrated and lots of other kinds of emotions is a normal and healthy part of their life. Many children go through phases of testing boundaries, and they are likely to behave in ways that are harder to manage when they are tired, ill or stressed. It is normal for younger children to have tantrums sometimes, while older children may sometimes shout, storm out or lash out.

When we talk about ‘challenging behaviour’, we mean behaviours that are persistent and difficult for both you and your child to manage. This includes things like:

having lots of angry outbursts

regularly shouting, swearing and being very argumentative

frequently hitting, biting or kicking others

kicking, smashing or damaging things in their home or school

being unkind or bullying towards other family members or children

persistently getting into trouble at school

How can I talk to my child about their behaviour?

Your child's behaviour is a means of communicating how they’re feeling. When your child is acting out, it can be useful to think of an iceberg. The difficult behaviour is the tip, but there are likely to be a range of emotions hidden under the surface.

By opening up a conversation with your child, you can find out more about how they’re feeling and what’s going on for them.

Find a suitable time and place to talk

Your child might find it easier to talk if you start the conversation while doing an activity.

Make it clear that the behaviour is the problem, not them

Let them know that it’s okay to feel however they feel - whether that’s sad, angry, worried or something else - and that you can work together to find new ways of managing these feelings.

Explain why the behaviour is not okay so they understand

For example, you might say that while it’s normal to feel angry, it hurts other people when they hit.

Be curious, empathetic and non-judgmental

Focus on listening and trying to understand things from their perspective.

Use simple phrases

Try to use simple phrases such as:

"I notice there is a lot of shouting happening."

"I think something might be upsetting you."

"I feel worried you’re not happy."

"I need you to know you can talk to me about what’s going on."

Reassure them

Reassure them that you love them and want to help them feel happier and enjoy things again.

How can I help my child with their behaviour?

Set clear boundaries and routines, and stick to these as much as you can.

You could do this by creating a family agreement covering things like screen-time limits, family meals and times for getting up and going to bed.

Follow through on consequences.

Your child may respond better if you give a warning before the consequence, so they have an opportunity to change their behaviour. After the consequence has been given, it’s important to chat together about what happened and return to positive interactions.

Give your child positive praise.

Notice and encourage them when they demonstrate the kinds of behaviours you have asked for, and be specific about why you’re praising them.

Talk together about activities that help them to express their feelings and calm down.

This might be drawing or painting, doing something active like running, jumping or their favourite sport, reading a book, writing a story, baking or making something out of playdough or Lego.

Help your child understand their feelings.

When you are curious about your child's feelings, this helps them understand and find words to describe them. You can also help them think about the signs that let them know they might be about to ‘blow their top’ – such as feeling hot, muscles clenching or breathing more heavily.

Try to stay calm.

You may feel frustrated, angry or overwhelmed when your child is behaving in challenging ways – and this is completely normal. Try not to react or argue back when things are like this. Give yourself and your child a chance to have some space before you talk about it.

Spend quality time with your child.

Find things you can enjoy together – such as going to the park, playing a board game, cooking something or watching a favourite film. As a parent you will often be juggling different things, so try to set aside time when you can be really present with your child.

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What is ADHD?

Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a neurodevelopmental condition that affects behaviour and concentration.

Children and young people with ADHD often seem unusually restless, impulsive or distracted. They may speak or act without thinking, struggle with organisation, find it hard to focus or appear to be always on the go. Some people with ADHD do not experience hyperactivity; this used to be called attention deficit disorder (ADD), though the term in no longer used officially.

ADHD is not a mental illness or a learning disability, though children and young people with ADHD may also have other conditions or experience mental health problems.

Living with ADHD can be very challenging, for children and young people as well as for their parents and carers. But the right diagnosis, treatment and support can make a big difference to a child’s learning, life skills and relationships, as well as making family life easier. There is also lots you can do as a parent/carer to help your child manage the things they find difficult.

What are the most common symptoms of ADHD?

A child with ADHD may be:

easily distracted, finding it difficult to start or finish tasks

often unable to concentrate

often restless or fidgety

very talkative, often interrupting or blurting things out

impulsive, acting before considering consequences, prone to taking risks

easily angry or frustrated, struggling to deal with emotions

finding making or maintaining friendships difficult

disorganised, for instance often losing things or being late

lacking awareness of time

Every child or young person with ADHD is individual and they may not display all of these behaviours. And many of these traits and behaviours are typical in younger children, or can follow a traumatic experience – they don’t necessarily mean your child has ADHD.

Age and gender can also affect how someone with ADHD behaves. This can make it harder to spot signs of ADHD, particularly in girls, who are more likely to be undiagnosed or wrongly diagnosed with other conditions(i).

Typically the symptoms of ADHD develop in early childhood and they may become particularly noticeable at times of significant change, such as starting or changing school.

What you can do to support your child with ADHD

Be understanding

Remember your child cannot help having ADHD, so try not to get angry or frustrated with them because of it. Separate the child from the behaviour.

Give simple instructions

Make sure they are looking at you so you have their attention. Talk slowly and calmly. Break tasks like getting ready for school down into steps, e.g. ‘first brush your teeth then put on your shoes’.

Set clear boundaries

Be explicit and consistent about unacceptable behaviour, such as violence. Set appropriate consequences and follow them through, but try to stay calm in the moment to avoid escalation. Dealing with challenging behaviour can be very hard, and our parent guide has helpful advice.

Involve the family

Explain ADHD to siblings and family members and discuss how everyone has different needs. Make sure attention isn’t always focussed on the child with ADHD, recognise the potential impact on siblings, and avoid labels like ‘the naughty one’.

Build healthy routines

Plan the day so your child knows what to expect. Maintaining regular sleep patterns, physical activity and mealtimes can help your child. Some people find dietary change and/or certain supplements helpful, but there is no clinical evidence for this and medical advice should be sought first(iv). Our young person's guide has helpful advice on sleep problems.

Help with organisation

Checklists, visual timetables and sticky notes (in key places like the front door or desk), phone alarms and other aids are helpful. Explain their use to your child. And try not to completely take over so that your child can develop organisational skills.

Praise your child

Acknowledge successes (however small), but don’t patronise by over-praising. Try to praise or reward immediately and be specific about the reason to help reinforce good behaviour.

Manage triggers

Look for signs your child is becoming frustrated or over-stimulated and try to remove them from the situation. A diary of times and triggers can be helpful. Keep playdates for younger children short to avoid them being overwhelmed.

Recognise strengths

Help your child identify their individual strengths and celebrate them. Recognise that ADHD can bring positives too, such as extra enthusiasm for a hobby, or creativity. Highlight successful role models with ADHD.

Find local support

Parenting programmes and support groups can help reduce stress and isolation as well as be a source of new ideas and strategies for you. Look at your local authority's Local Offer (find their website here) for more information about in person and virtual options, and see the organisations listed on this page.

Looking after your own wellbeing

Parenting a child with ADHD can sometimes be isolating, upsetting or exhausting. Sometimes parents feel judged or blamed by others (unjustifiably as parenting does not cause ADHD). It is entirely understandable if you are finding things difficult.

It’s important to recognise the impact the situation is having on you, and think about ways you can take care of yourself – including getting support from other people so that you can take some time off. It’s okay to ask for help when you need it, and to share your worries with someone you trust. We have advice on looking after yourself as well as your child.

For further support and guidance, please visit...
https://www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/parents-a-z-mental-health-guide/adhd/

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Supporting your child with anger

Anger is a normal and healthy reaction when things don’t go the way we expected, life feels unfair or people upset or hurt us. It can be a helpful thing - letting us know that something is wrong or not okay with us.

It’s normal for children and young people to find it difficult to manage their angry feelings sometimes, and it’s helpful to remember that the part of our brain that helps us do this doesn’t fully develop until we’re in our mid-20s.

Anger can become a problem for your child if it feels overwhelming or unmanageable, makes them unhappy, affects their relationships or is expressed through unhelpful or destructive behaviours – towards either themselves or other people.

Angry feelings and aggressive behaviour can be really hard to deal with as a parent, and can have a huge effect on family life. If you’re going through this, remember that there is light at the end of the tunnel. There are things you can do to make the situation better, and places where you can find support if you need to. Here, we’ve got strategies you can use to help you respond and advice on when to seek further help and where to get it.

What is anger like for young people?

If your child can't tell you in words, they will often use their behaviour to let you know how they’re feeling. A young person who is feeling angry may:

be outwardly aggressive – acting aggressively towards other people, including shouting, hitting or breaking things

be inwardly aggressive – hurting themselves, for example by self-harming, or being very self-critical

be passively aggressive – withdrawing, ignoring people, being sarcastic or sulking

feel things in their body like a racing heart, feeling hot or tensing their muscles – for example clenching their fists

seem tense, unable to relax or easily irritated

find it difficult to concentrate.

Underneath these behaviours, a young person who seems very angry may also be feeling things like fear, stress, sadness, hurt or worry – or might be struggling to cope with a difficult experience at school, at home or in another part of their life that they feel unable to talk about.

It can be helpful to remember that a person who’s feeling angry a lot of the time probably isn’t feeling very happy – and while it might not be obvious, what they often need is support. Supporting children and young people to put their feelings into words can help them to feel less overwhelming, making it less likely that they will need to act out.

For some young people, feeling more irritable or angrier than usual can be a sign that they are struggling with low mood, depression or anxiety – especially if it goes on for a long period of time without changing.

How can I respond to my child in the moment when they get angry?

Try to separate your child’s feelings from their behaviour, remembering that all feelings are okay, even though some behaviour is not.

Make it clear that you’re not dismissing their anger by letting them know that it’s okay to feel however they feel, and that it’s normal to feel angry sometimes.

Try not to get angry yourself, as this will only escalate the situation.

Focus on staying as calm as you can – using a calm voice and open body language, for example by not folding your arms.

Avoid asking them lots of questions when they’re feeling very angry or distressed.

Acknowledge that they’re feeling angry, and let them know that you’d like to talk with them about what’s going on when they feel ready.

If it feels appropriate, offer them some time and space to calm down.

Especially with older teenagers, sometimes just having half an hour to listen to some music, go for a walk or do an activity they enjoy can help them feel calmer – making it more possible to have a conversation about what’s making them feel this way.

If you need to, explain why their behaviour is not okay so they understand – and hold consistent boundaries around consequences.

For example, you might say that while it’s normal to feel angry, it’s not okay when they shout at you. Remember that while your child might resist boundaries and consequences, they can actually help them to feel safe, contained and cared for.

How can I help my child manage angry feelings positively?

Talk to your child about what’s going on.

In a calm moment, try to explore what’s making them angry, focusing on letting them talk and listening to what it’s like for them. Trust your instincts about picking the right moment, and remember that you know your child better than most people.

You can find more tips on our guide to starting a conversation with your child.

If your child doesn’t want to talk, see if you can find other ways to communicate.

It might help to text, write a letter, go for a walk together or do an activity while you’re talking to help them relax. You could also try spending five or ten minutes checking in with them each evening to encourage them to open up.

Help them to identify triggers.

Recognising the triggers and patterns that alert them to the fact that they’re getting angry can help them to take action before it becomes overwhelming. Keeping a diary or journal may make it easier for both of you to think this through – and apps such as ThinkNinja (for 10-18-year-olds) and HeadSpace can help them to track their feelings. This video by Braive might also help you to understand how stress and overwhelming feelings can build up in a person's life.

Support them to find ways of channelling their anger, remembering that different things will work for different people.

Some young people will find relaxing techniques useful. This could be things like:

meditating

listening to music

colouring or drawing

taking deep breaths or doing a breathing technique

Teenagers might like to do this using a mindfulness or meditation app such as Headspace or Calm. Often, people who are feeling angry breathe in more than they breathe out – so a good trick is to focus on breathing out for a few counts longer than they breath in, which can help their body to relax.

Some young people will find active techniques useful. This could be things like:

punching a pillow

throwing a ball

ripping or screwing up newspaper

playing sport

running or going for a walk

Create a plan of action together.

When things are calm, think together about what happens when they’re angry, how they’d like you to respond, how they might be able to express their anger and what the consequences will be for any behaviour that crosses a boundary. Your child may have ideas of their own, and the more involved they are in discussing this, the more likely they are to engage later on.

Keep to the rules.

While boundaries do need to adapt as your child gets older, it’s still important to keep a stable foundation in place, particularly if things are feeling unsettled. Hold appropriate boundaries and be consistent with consequences – remembering that when young people are angry they can also feel frightened about how out of control things seem. While they might not like it, they do need stability and consistency from you, and consequences will help them to understand what is and isn’t acceptable behaviour.

Model the behaviour you want to see.

Your child learns more from you than you may realise. None of us are perfect and that’s okay, but if you lose your temper you can show your child how to respond afterwards. For example, when you’re feeling calmer, apologise, explain what was going on and then let it go. You might say, "I’m sorry I got angry earlier, I was getting upset about the situation. I want to be able to help. Is there anything I can do to make things better for you?"

Reassure your child and don’t lose hope.

If they’re struggling, there are places where they can find help and support – and you can find out more about this below.

Young people tell us it helps to:

think of the bigger picture: will this bother me in a year?

try and say why you're angry, and remember that time alone to calm yourself down is okay.

take some time to think about how your actions are affecting others, and try to remember people are usually trying to help you.

apologise if you have harmed someone – and if you have hurt yourself, apologise to yourself.

figure out why you reacted like that so you can recognise it next time before it's too late.

tell someone if they’ve made you angry, or talk to someone else about it.

remind yourself that the emotion is valid.

Where can I find professional help?

It’s a good idea to seek professional advice if:

your child’s anger is consistently affecting their day-to-day life, wellbeing, mental health, relationships or experience at home or school – or the day-to-day life of your family.

you’ve tried strategies for at least four weeks and nothing seems to work, or their outbursts of anger feel unmanageable and last for a long time.

they are expressing their anger through destructive behaviours towards themselves or others – including self-harm or physically hurting other people.

There are different places where you can find help for your child. Your GP, your child's school and considering whether counselling or therapy might help are good places to start.

Your GP can discuss your concerns with you and, if needed, refer your child for more support - including Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS).

Sometimes, challenging or aggressive behaviour can be a sign of an additional need or developmental difficulty, such as autism or difficulties hearing or speaking, which your child may need specialist help with. If you think this could be the case, speak to your GP or your child’s school to discuss whether they need a referral for an assessment.

You can find out more about speaking to GPs, finding a counsellor or therapist, accessing CAMHS, getting help from your child’s school and finding local services on our guide to getting help for your child.

https://www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/parents-a-z-mental-health-guide/anger/

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“It just boiled over and…” | #ListenToAnger | YoungMinds

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What is gender identity?

Gender identity is a way to describe how someone feels about their gender. For example, some people may identify as a boy or a girl, while others may find neither of these terms feel right for them, and identify as neither or somewhere in the middle. Although people often confuse them, gender identity is different from someone’s biological sex or assigned gender at birth and from sexuality or who someone’s attracted to.

While many people identify with the gender they were assigned at birth, for others gender is more of a spectrum, with lots of different possible identities. Gender identity is a personal feeling, and a child or young person will be the best person to know what matches how they feel. Children and young people can also question or feel unsure about their gender identity, or find that their gender identity changes over time. This is sometimes called ‘gender fluid’.

Gender expression is how someone chooses to express their gender identity. This could be through the way they dress, speak or act. For example, by wearing dresses or choosing to shave. How someone looks or dresses does not always reflect their gender identity. Children and young people will feel comfortable expressing their gender identity at different ages and in different ways.

Types of gender identity

Just some of the terms a young person or child might use to describe their gender identity are:

Trans or transgender: this is when someone feels their gender is different from the gender they were assigned at birth.

Non-binary, gender fluid or gender queer: this means someone doesn’t identify as either male or female. They could identify as both, or neither.

Cisgender: this is when someone’s gender identity is the same as the gender they were assigned at birth.

How to support a child

Sometimes it can be hard for parents and carers when their child comes out as transgender or non-binary, or if they’re questioning their assigned gender identity. You may feel unsure how to help them, not know what to say or how to relate to what they’re going through. Parents might also find it hard to know how to talk to their child’s school, or explain things to extended family who may not be supportive. Some parents may also feel angry or upset when they find out about their child’s gender identity.

Whatever you’re feeling, it’s important to remember that transitioning or questioning their gender identity can be a stressful and lonely experience for some children and young people. They may feel like no one understands what it’s like for them, worry about being accepted or about how their friends and family will react.

We have advice on how parents and carers can support their children:

1. Listen to how your child feels

Listening without judgement can be a great way to show your support. Some children can feel like no one understands what they’re going through, or may be worried about how their parents will react, so listening can help them to feel accepted and supported.

It can help to listen actively and respectfully to show them you’re truly involved. Try to ask open questions that don’t have yes or no answers and not to interrupt them. It’s important to keep the conversation about their feelings, and to avoid offering opinions or advice.

2. Let them know you're there for them

Some children or young people may find it difficult to talk about how they’re feeling about their gender identity. It can take a lot of courage for them to start the conversation and sometimes they may not feel comfortable sharing everything straightaway. Be patient and try not to rush them. Instead let them know that you’re there if they want to continue the conversation at a different time.

3. Encourage your child to explore and express their identity at their pace

It’s natural for children and young people to explore and develop their identities. It can help to remember that gender identity is just one part of this and doesn’t define your child. For some children or young people, their gender identity may stay fixed. But your child may also be questioning their gender and it’s important to accept that their gender identity may change over time. The most important thing you can do is to give them the time and space to explore or express their identity and accept them as they are now.

4. Ask about pronouns and names

Young people may want to use pronouns that reflect their gender identity such as ‘she’ or ‘her’, while others may prefer gender neutral pronouns such as ‘they’. They may also want to change their name. Try to use the correct pronouns and name when referring to your child, or ask if you’re unsure. You may also want to ask your child if they’d like you to speak to extended family or their school about the pronouns they prefer or about a name change.

5. Support from school

No child should be made to feel shame or distress because of their gender identity. Using toilets and changing facilities that don’t match a young person’s gender identity can cause stress and schools and other educational or social organisations should try and accommodate the young person’s preferences in a thoughtful way. It is important parents and carers work with their child’s school to find a solution that supports their child. Decisions should be taken on a case by case basis following equalities law, safeguarding policy and including a risk assessment for all children involved.

6. Join a support group or reach out to friends and family

Sometimes it can be hard for parents or carers when their child identifies as transgender or is questioning their gender identity. Some parents may also find it difficult having to explain things to their child’s school or extended family, especially if anyone is unsupportive.

For some parents coming to terms with their child’s new gender identity can be really challenging. They may experience feelings of anger, grief or loss after finding out their child does not identify with the gender they were assigned at birth. If you’re struggling with this, joining a support group and speaking to other families in similar situations can really help. It can also be helpful to remember that gender identity is just one part of your child’s identity, and that they’re still your child.

It’s also important to reach out to your own friends and family members for support where possible. Sometimes just having someone who’ll listen can help. Your GP may also be able to help you find support and counselling if you need it.

7. Get support if a child's being bullied

It can be really upsetting if your child’s experiencing transphobic bullying or being bullied because of their gender identity. This can include things like deliberately refusing to call them by their new name or pronouns, or asking personal sexual questions.

Bullying someone because of their gender identity is a hate crime and against the law. You or your child can report it online or by calling the police. Call 999 in an emergency or 101 for information or support.

We also have advice on how to support a child who’s being bullied, whether it’s happening at school or online. Children and young can also get advice and support on homophobic and transphobic bullying from Childline.

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How do alcohol and drugs affect parenting?

Most parents or carers who drink alcohol or use drugs do it in moderation and are not a risk to their children. But if their drinking or drug use becomes harmful, this is substance misuse and it can stop them from providing safe care for their children.

So it's important that parents and carers can get support if they're concerned about their drinking or drug use. We've got advice and support services for parents or carers who are worried about how their habits affect their children.

What is substance misuse?

Substance misuse is when someone's drinking or drug use becomes harmful or dependent.

By 'harmful' we mean when someone puts themselves or others in danger. They might continue to drink or take drugs even if it puts them at risk of illness, psychological problems or physical accidents.

Dependent drinking or drug use is when someone craves alcohol or drugs and continues to use them even though it causes them social, health or even financial problems.

How does substance misuse affect children?

Living in a household where a parent or carer misuses substances doesn't mean a child will experience abuse but it can be a risk.

Substance misuse can have negative effects on children at different stages in their lives.

During pregnancy, drinking and drug use can put babies at risk of birth defects, premature birth, being born underweight and withdrawal symptoms.

In later years, substance misuse can put children at risk of:

physical and emotional abuse or neglect

behavioural or emotional problems

having to care for their parents or siblings

poor attendance at school or low grades

experiencing poverty

being exposed to drugs or criminal activity

being separated from parents.

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What is race and racism?

Race can mean a person’s colour, nationality, ethnicity or citizenship. It’s a protected characteristic in law under the Equality Act 2010¹ in England, Scotland and Wales, and the Race Relations Order 1997² in Northern Ireland. This means it’s illegal to discriminate against someone, or treat them differently, because of their race. It’s important to remember that someone’s ethnicity or national origin may not be the same as their current nationality. For example, someone may have Indian national origins and be living in Britain with a British passport.

Race also includes different ethnic and racial groups. This means a group of people who all share the same protected characteristic of ethnicity or race. General examples of racial groups include White British, Black British, British Asians, British Sikhs, British Jews, Romany Gypsies and Irish Travellers.

Racial discrimination or racism is when someone is treated differently because of their race, ethnicity, nationality or colour. Any type of racism or racial discrimination is abusive and distressing for children and young people who experience or witness it. If someone commits a crime against you because of your race it is considered a hate crime and is against the law. Instances of bullying that are racially motivated but not a crime are considered racist incidents.

Types of racism and racial discrimination

Racism, racial discrimination and racial bullying can take many forms and children and young people may experience more than one type of racism. For example, a young person experiencing racial bullying in school could also be sent abusive comments online, and face racial discrimination at their workplace. Racism can also happen alongside other forms of discrimination or abuse.

Racism or racial discrimination can include:

Discrimination

This involves treating a child or young person worse than someone else in a similar situation because of their race. It can also include policies in a school, workplace or similar organisation that disadvantage people from a particular racial group.

Harassment

This involves making a child, young person, or adult feel humiliated, offended or degraded. Harassment can be through spoken or written words, offensive emails, comments online or on social media, jokes, physical or facial expressions.

Victimisation

This is when a person is treated badly because they have made a complaint of race related discrimination under the Equality Act 2010. It can also happen when someone is supporting a person who’s complained about racism or racial discrimination.

Overt racism

This involves making openly racist remarks to a child, young person or adult. It can include racist comments, such as being called racist names or being sent insulting messages or threats. It can also include physical violence or assault, or damaging personal belongings.

Covert racism

Covert racism involves making comments that devalue or put someone down because of their race. These comments or ‘microagressions’ reflect racial prejudice and can make young people feel like they’re less important because of their race or that they don’t fit in.

Examples include things like saying ‘I don’t see colour’, which may come from a well-intentioned place but it doesn't recognise the diversity which actually does exist. If you claim to not see colour it can mean you're not acknowledging a young person's identity and lived experience.

How racism affects children

Racism and racial abuse or bullying can be really distressing for children and young people. When a child is bullied or treated differently because of their race, it can lead to feelings of isolation, depression, anger or even shame about their race or how they look.

In 2020/21, Childline delivered 285 counselling sessions where racist bullying, racism or being bullied for spiritual, cultural or religious reasons were mentioned. In the same year, there were 36 contacts to the NSPCC helpline from adults with concerns about these issues.

Racism or racial bullying can be overt or openly hostile, such as being called racist names or being sent threats. Or it can be covert or harder to recognise, involving subtle comments that put a child or young person down and devalue their experience or identity. Both types of racism are equally distressing for children and young people and can have a significant impact on their mental health.

Covert racism can affect young people’s self-esteem and support the idea that’s it’s okay to challenge a person’s experience. This type of racism is subtle and can make it seem like it’s okay to dismiss racial prejudice or discrimination with comments like, ’it’s in your head’, or telling someone they’re ‘playing the race card’. These comments can be very subtle but they are no less abusive, painful and humiliating for children and young people.

How to talk to children about racism

Children and young people will have seen images and stories in the news around Black Lives Matter. They may also have heard or taken part in recent conversations around racism since the murder of George Floyd and many others in the US. However, some children may not fully understand what’s happening and may have questions. It’s important to encourage positive and open conversations about race and racism with children and young people. And to have them often, not just when Black Lives Matter is covered in the news, to keep the conversation going. We have advice to help.

Learn about race, racism and privilege

Sometimes we feel uncomfortable talking about things we don’t know much about. If a child asks you a question which you don’t know the answer to, it’s okay to suggest that you learn together. The following resources can also be a great way to improve your understanding of race and racism:

A parent’s guide to Black Lives Matter

Anti-racism

Learning about race, racism and privilege can lead people to consider what else they can do to combat discrimination. Sometimes, the next step can involve committing yourself to becoming actively anti-racist but it’s not always clear what that means. But when people talk about being anti-racist, it includes:

listening to people with lived experience of racism and accepting it as truth

calling out racism and discrimination wherever you see it and using your own privilege to draw attention to it

continuing to learn about inequality and how it affects others

regularly assessing your own thoughts about racism and discrimination

passing on what you learn to those around you, including family, friends and colleagues.

Have open conversations regularly

While many parents or carers may feel afraid of saying the wrong thing, having an open conversation will help children learn about how racism still exists, and to recognise how it affects them or people they know. Talking openly can also help a child to feel more comfortable sharing how they’re feeling with you, and to confide in you if they’ve experienced or seen racism or racial abuse.

We have support and advice for starting these conversations on our Talking about difficult topics page.

Try to make conversations age-appropriate

While many parents may be worried about speaking to younger children in an age-appropriate way, research shows that children can internalize racial bias between ages 2 and 4.⁶It can help to describe racism in a way that your child will be able to understand. For example, you could talk about fairness, being kind, accepting others for who they are.

For older children, let them lead the conversation so they feel confident sharing their ideas or experiences. It’s important to provide a safe and comfortable environment for them to express themselves in by listening and asking questions without judging them.

Talk about recent history and culture

It’s important to show children that black history isn’t just slavery, oppression and segregation. You could tell them about black contributions and stories that aren’t linked to the struggle of slavery and civil rights. It could also help to diversify the books your children read and films or tv shows that they watch. Some recent campaigns and websites that might help you start a conversation include:

A parent's guide to Black Lives Matter - resources and activities for you to use to work towards racial equality.

56 Black Men – a campaign challenging the negative image of Black men throughout mainstream media.

NSPCC shop - we have a range of children's books on racial diversity and black history.

Encourage children to appreciate diversity

It can help explain to children that we aren’t all the same, the human race is diverse and that is a good thing. The world would be a very boring place if everyone was the same. This can help children to notice race and appreciate it. It encourages conversation, understanding and empathy with people who are different from them.

NSPCC shop - we have a range of children's books on racial diversity and black history.

If you're worried about a child experiencing racial bullying

If a child tells you they’ve experienced racial bullying or abuse, whether they’re being called names, excluded because of their race, attacked or threatened, it’s important to know how support them. We have advice to help.

Listen to them

It’s really important to listen non-judgementally to what a child or young person is telling you. Their experience is real, it’s painful and they have come to you to talk about it. Show them they can trust you by letting them know you’re there if they want to talk and thank them for confiding in you. We also have advice to help you know what to do if a child reveals abuse.

Show them you care

It’s okay to feel uncomfortable and not be sure what to say. What’s most important is to show empathy and acknowledge the seriousness of what they’ve shared and how it’s affected them. If you’re a teacher or youth leader, remember that it’s never a child’s fault if they’re experiencing racial abuse or bullying.

Decide how you’ll support them

It’s important for parents to support their child emotionally by letting them know you care about them and that they can always be honest with you. Explain to your child that what’s happened to them isn’t their fault and that you’re proud of who they are.

If your child’s experienced racism or bullying from someone at their school or someone you know, consider getting a mediator for you and the other family to discuss the situation. This could be someone at your child’s school or a family member you trust. You should also let your child’s school know about the bullying.

Schools have a responsibility to protect children in their care and not to discriminate against children. If you feel your child’s facing racial discrimination or not being treated equally at their school, or that the school is not taking racial bullying seriously, it’s important to raise your concerns with the Headteacher or another senior member of staff.

Help them get support

Sometimes a child or young person may need to be able to cry or express their anger or hurt about what’s happened to them. This could be through counselling or with an adult they trust. It’s important to be led by what the young person feels comfortable with, but you can also reassure them that it's ok to express how they feel and that there are different types of support available. Children and young people under 18 can also contact Childline to talk this through with a counsellor.

If you’re in a position of authority, for example at the child’s school, refer to your best practice guidance around safeguarding. This may mean excluding the person responsible for racial bullying or abuse, further staff training, changing your policy and educating the child’s peer group on diversity and inclusion.

Report hate crime to the police

Being bullied or treated differently because of race is hate crime and against the law. If you’re worried about a child experiencing racial abuse or bullying it’s important to get help right away. You or the young person can report it to the police by calling 999 in an emergency or 101 at other times. You can also report hate crime online via the government website.

Childline: support for young people

Racism and racial bullying - advice on what racism is and how to get support

Discrimination, hate crime and equality - support to help young people recognise and get support if they're experiencing discrimination

How you look - support around body image and developing confidence with how you look

Understand me - a campaign challenging racial sterotypes and discrimination

Get support - contact Childlline counsellors, online or over the phone.

Bullying and discrimination message boards - a safe space where children can get support from other young people.

https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/support-for-parents/children-race-racism-racial-bullying/

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We've all been on the receiving end of a difficult conversation. But that doesn't make it any easier when you have to have one with your child.

You might need to have a conversation where you:

have to break some bad news

have to ask about something you're worried about

ask about topics you find uncomfortable - like sex or drugs

ask your child if they're worried or scared by something

ask your child about a new behaviour

or anything else you feel will be difficult to bring up.

Whatever the subject, and however old the child you're talking to, there are lots of ways to make it easier for you both. We have advice to help you decide how to talk to your child in a way that's age-appropriate and supportive. However you know your child best so trust your judgement about what will work for your family best.

Why it's good to talk

It's important every child has someone they trust to look to for help. Childline is always here when they need someone to listen.We all want children to grow up in a safe and loving environment and to become happy, confident adults. To get there there'll be times they need to talk to someone, for advice or for support. There will also be times when you need to explain something that might upset them.

As their parent or carer, it's up to you to talk to them when you think they might need a nudge in the right direction, or to share news or information that's going to affect their lives.

Before starting a difficult chat

Whatever it is you want to discuss, it's important to think about where and how to talk so children will listen.

1. There's no telling how long the conversation is going to last, so the first thing to consider is where and when you're going to start it. For example, if you start in the evening when they're tired, your child or children might not be able to concentrate.

2. If you're talking to just one child about something, consider how private the time and place are. It's might work best to have it at a time when brothers and sisters aren't around to interrupt.

3. It could be good to have it in a relaxed and neutral place, like on a walk or in the car.

You could also ask other parents you know how they've created the right situation to talk about difficult topics in the past and see if it would work for you too.

Starting a hard conversation

It's never easy to start a serious conversation with a child. It can help to try to prompt them with a TV show or story book to introduce the topic.

Think about what you want from your chat with your child, and then consider how to approach the topic. Too forceful an opening might worry them, they may clam up or feel uncomfortable. But a more subtle approach might mean they get distracted and you discuss what you planned to. It can be a good idea to try to

make the conversation relevant to them. For example, if you know of a TV show or film that addresses the topic, like a character experiencing bullying, you can use this as a conversation starter. You could kick things off by asking your child what they'd do in the same situation.

There are also lots of story books written specially to help talk to children about serious subjects like death, abuse and bullying. We have lots of options for different ages on our online shop. After you've read the story together a couple of times, ask some gentle questions to check what they've understood. You could ask what they would do if they were the character in the story.

You could also start out by asking them what they think about the topic. If it's something they've discussed in class, you could ask what they thought about the lesson or what their classmates thought. You could say that a friend of yours needs some advice about a particular issue and to ask if they have any ideas. It's a nice way to show that you value their opinions while also finding out just how much they know about a subject – like how to stay safe on the internet.

Keeping the conversation going

It might take time for your child to understand what you're saying fully - and that's OK.

However you choose to start your conversation, try to keep your expectations realistic. It might not go as well as you're hoping, but give it time. Your child might not be ready to talk straight away but could actually re-start the conversation with you a few days later.

It's also best to think about having a few bite-sized conversations over a period of time. It gives your child the time to process what you've discussed and stops the whole thing sounding like a lecture.

Listening is important too

If you're worried or nervous about a conversation, it's easy to forget that it should be going two ways.

It's important to show that you are also listening to them and value what they're telling you. We have some tips to help:

Start by asking questions that don't just have "yes" and "no" answers. This gives your child the chance to tell you what they think.

Give them as long as they need to answer without interrupting. They may be nervous or still working out what they really think and that could take a little time.

Let your child ask you questions too. Be honest with them about how you feel about certain subjects and let them know about things that have happened to you in the past.

Let them know that they can trust you to keep their confidence and that you want them to always feel they can talk to you, other people they trust or organisations like Childline, when anything is worrying them.

Sometimes your child might actually come to you to talk about a concern.

It may be that they want to talk about a friend who's depressed or frightened because of bullying. Or it could be about something they've done themselves like sexting or trying alcohol.

It's probably taken a lot of courage to even mention it to you so you need to make them feel as comfortable as possible about continuing the conversation:

If it's not the right time or place, agree when and where you're going to talk.

Begin by reassuring your child that they can tell you anything they need to and you won't blame them in any way.

Listen carefully to what they have to say.

If you don't understand then be honest and ask them to explain.

Above all, let them say everything they want to say before you give any opinions or advice.

It's OK to ask your child what they'd like you to do about the situation but it could be something where you can't do anything at all; for example, if they're grieving over a death. What you can always do is reassure and support – starting with a big hug.

If there is anything you can do, and if you plan to do it, let your child know. Otherwise they may feel like you're going behind their back and they should never have told you in the first place.

Talking about life-changing topics

Unfortunately things do happen that can turn young lives upside down. Talking with your child about separation, illness, death or other life-changing topics might be emotional and distressing for both of you.

Having difficult conversations is hard, but if you handle it well it can bring you and your child closer together and help you to understand each other.

Before starting the conversation it can help to think about:

when and where to have the conversation – choose somewhere that will be comfortable for you both with no interruptions

if you have children of different ages, will you speak to them together or separately

who else should you tell before your child, so they can be ready to give emotional support

think about the sorts of questions your child's likely to ask you, so you can have the answers ready.

When the time comes to break the news, remember to explain everything slowly, in words that your child will easily understand. It's also important to make sure they know that they're not responsible or to blame in any way for what you are telling them.

https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/support-for-parents/talking-about-difficult-topics/

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How to help children deal with divorce or separation

Separation may involve bad feelings between the parents and their families. Children can pick up on this, which may make them confused or unhappy – or even blame themselves for a break-up.

To support children during a separation and help them with their worries, you should:

remind them that they're loved by both parents

be honest when talking about it but keep in mind the child's age and understanding

avoid blame and don't share any negative feelings the adults have about each other

keep up routines such as going to school and specific meal times

let them know they can talk about their feelings with you – explain that it's okay to be sad, confused or angry

listen more than you speak – answering questions will help them to open up.

There are lots of ways to make it a bit less painful when talking to children about divorce or any other difficult subject.

Who has parental responsibility?

In general, mothers automatically have parental responsibility for their child from birth.

Fathers usually have parental responsibility for the child if they were married to the child's mother and/or are listed on the child's birth certificate.

If both partners have parental responsibility, then both are responsible for the child's wellbeing until he or she reaches adulthood at age 18.

How to agree on child contact

Children tend to do best when they have contact with both parents. And they have the right to maintain contact with both, unless it's not in their best interest.

There are 3 ways for deciding who a child lives with and how visits will work.

Contact arrangements
'Contact arrangements' refers to who the child lives with (the resident parent) and when they can see the non-resident parent.

Contact arrangements should be discussed and decided by the parents. They should always focus on what's best for the child, not what's best for the parents.

If possible, this decision should happen without going to court. A court process can be distressing, costly and lengthy.

If parents are finding it difficult to agree on arrangements, the National Association of Child Contact Centres may be able to help. Contact centres provide a friendly, safe and neutral environment for the non-resident parent, and other family members, to see the child without the parents having to meet.

Family mediation
If parents can't agree on contact arrangements, the next step is family mediation. This can help resolve disputes without needing to go to court.

A mediator is an independent, trained professional who can help parents come to an agreement and explain how this is legally bound.

Parents may be able to get legal aid for mediation. Find out more from the Family Mediation Council.

Sometimes mediation doesn't work. That might be because one parent doesn't agree to attend or because an agreement can't be made with the help of a mediator.

Child Arrangement Orders

If mediation fails, either parent can apply through the courts for a Child Arrangement Order. This should always be a last resort.

Before an application can be made, parents will need to prove they have attempted mediation and should get legal advice from a lawyer specialising in family law or visit their local Citizen's Advice Bureau.

A Child Arrangement Order (previously known as a Contact Order) is a legally binding agreement that specifies:

who the child lives with

who will have contact with the child

how often and for how long the contact visits will be.

The court will only make an Arrangement Order (rather than make no Order) where they believe it would be better for the child to do so.

Before they can see a judge, the family will be allocated a Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service (Cafcass) officer. The Cafcass officer will work with the family to assess any risks to the children and consider whether a decision can be made through mediation.

How courts decide on child contact

Every child and set of circumstances is different. But in every situation, the child's welfare must be put first. When deciding on contact and residence, the courts focus on a number of key factors, such as:

Can a child refuse to spend time with a parent?

A child can't be forced to see the non-resident parent but if there's a court order in place, the resident parent must follow the agreed arrangements.

It's really important that you ask your child and explore what's bothering them before you think about stopping contact with a parent or another family member.

Both parents should work towards helping the child feel safe and happy in their care. A child's feelings are important but contact should be encouraged as long as it does not place them at harm.

If a young person doesn't feel their voice is being heard, they can contact an advocacy service such as NYAS, which helps young people in England and Wales express their wishes.

the wishes and feelings of the child

any harm or risk of harm

the child's physical, emotional and educational needs

the likely effect of any change in the child's circumstances

the child's age, sex, background and characteristics

the ability of each parent to meet the child's needs.

Can a parent refuse contact even if there’s a Child Arrangement Order?

A Child Arrangement Order is legally binding and ensures that contact takes place between the child and non-resident parent. If the agreement is broken, then the parent who has breached the Order can be taken to court.

Contact should only be refused if the parent thinks their child is likely to come to harm during contact and they must be able to justify this in court.

Can a parent refuse to allow their child contact if there’s no Order in place?

Legally, yes – but children generally do better when they have contact with both parents (and their extended families). Parents should consider what's best for the child, not for the parent.

If a parent feels they are being unfairly denied contact, they may consider seeking legal advice.

Do grandparents have a right to see their grandchildren?

Grandparents have no automatic rights to have contact with a child after a family break-up. However, agreements can usually be reached with the parents.

If this doesn't happen, contact Grandparents Plus, which provides support to grandparents who have been denied access.

Other organisations you can talk to

We can't provide legal advice but the Coram Children's Legal Centre offers free information and advice on all aspects of the law relating to young people. Coram's helpful Contact factsheet (PDF) addresses common questions about contact arrangements.

You can also get help from the following organisations.

Families Need Fathers champions the child's relationship with both parents during and after family separation.

Gingerbread provides support for single parents in England, Wales and Northern Ireland with factsheets offering practical advice on issues such as money, separation, housing and work. One Parent Families provides this service in Scotland.

Relate provides family counselling and advice on understanding children's feelings and behaviours during separation.

Family Lives (England and Wales), Children 1st Scotland and Parenting Northern Ireland all provide professional, non-judgemental advice to all family members to help achieve the best for everyone.

The Scottish Child Law Centre gives legal advice for and about children and are working in partnership with Parentline Scotland.

Citizens Advice can give advice to parents if their relationship breaks down and can give information on child maintenance services.

https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/support-for-parents/separation-and-divorce/

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What are tantrums?

As babies develop into toddlers, they find new ways to test boundaries and express themselves. So when your toddler gets upset, they might scream, cry or even kick, hit or bite.

The first time this happens can be upsetting and if it happens in public it can be embarrassing.

All children misbehave at times. It's a normal part of learning the rules. And sometimes they simply don't know what's good or bad behaviour

How to respond to tantrums

If you're feeling at the end of your tether, Take 5 and follow these simple steps:

Stop.

Breathe.

React calmly.

When they start screaming in the supermarket or having a meltdown at meal times, it's normal to feel frustrated. But reacting angrily could lead to emotional and physical harm. And this is never OK.

Children respond to how we react, which can affect their behaviour in the future. So try to react calmly.

If you can't find an immediate reason for the tantrum (maybe they're hungry, tired or need a little tender loving care), there are things you can try to calm them down.

Things to try to calm them down

Create a distraction using something like a book.

Draw their attention to something else happening nearby.

If they're angry, tell them you know how they feel.

Things to avoid

If they're asking for something and you've said no, don't give in.

Don't bribe them with sweets.

https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/support-for-parents/cope-with-tantrums/

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Your child's behaviour will improve when they know what the rules are, so they can stick to them. So try to respond in the same way every time. Say what you want your child to do, clearly and in a way they'll understand. Repeat it if necessary. And if your child doesn't do as you wish give them an appropriate consequence - so they'll know not to do it again.

Explain your actions

Choose a consequence that fits the situation, for example, if your children are arguing over a toy, take away the toy. Explain why you are taking the toy away. Stick to what you said, and when 5 minutes has passed give them back the toy so they can show you they can behave in the way you want.

Use a calm voice

When they misbehave take a deep breath and use a quiet and calm voice. Your child is far more likely to listen to you if you are in control - shouting will only make you angrier and upset your child.

Don't compare your child to others

Every child is different and it's important not to compare your child to others. You know your child best and you can help them understand good behaviour by setting rules and creating boundaries.

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Take 5: get tips and advice to help you manage temper tantrums and bad behaviour.

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Understanding your child's needs - NSPCC

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Understanding your child's needs - NSPCC

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What is Descriptive Praise?

‘Descriptive Praise’ is a way of giving your child appreciation and approval every day so that they are more motivated to listen and willing to co-operate.  It is about noticing and mentioning all the OK things your child is doing  to reinforce the behaviour you want to see.  Children are programmed to seek their parent’s attention so why not focus on what they are doing right.

What are the benefits of Descriptive Praise?

More co-operative child

More motivated child

Increased confidence and self-esteem

Children do more to please us

Less tension and stress

We like our children more as we notice what they are doing right

How do you do it?

Stand back and focus on what they do right

Notice and mention every tiny step in the right direction

Praise their effort, attitude and strategies not just the outcome

Point out the qualities shown by their behaviour

DP is hard.  It feels like a foreign language at first but it really works with all ages from 1-100!!

Remember the magic ratio: – 5 POSITIVES TO EVERY NEGATIVE
https://www.educatingmatters.co.uk/

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What is Special Time?

Special Time is when each parent spends one on one time with each child.  It is short, frequent, predictable and uninterupted time to do something that your child really enjoys that is not of material value.  It’s mainly about ‘being’ together.

What are the benefits of Special Time?

Builds the bond and connection between parent and child, giving a child the attention they often crave and will seek in other ways if they don’t get enough.

More happiness and co-operation from child which leads to better behaviour.

For children Love =Time.  Setting aside this time is a way of communicating to your child that you love them and enjoy being with them.

A way to value your child for who they are aside from worrying or talking about completing tasks, academic ability and discipline.

Child more likely to feel happy, relaxed and receptive so often opens up to parent and will talk about what is going in their life and anything they are upset or worried about.

How do you do it?

Make it regular and routine, set aside a time and date.

Only needs to be 10-15 minutes.

Have to be uninterrupted so no phones around or other siblings.  Make sure any other children are occupied by another adult, set up to do something independently or sleeping.

Follow child’s lead.  Let them choose what to do some days and other times make suggestions.

No structured activities like homework, reading or screens.  Just about having fun, being playful and connecting.

https://www.educatingmatters.co.uk/

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We believe that going online should be a positive experience for all children.

But the internet can be a difficult place for them to navigate. It can be hard to know the real from the fake, how to avoid seeing negative content, or what to do if a mistake is made.

That's why we've launched our positive online habits – six top tips to help your child feel good about how they use the internet.

They can help you start a conversation with your family about online wellbeing. So you can all feel informed, confident and happy during your time online

1. Screen-time savvy

Spending less time on screens is a great way to improve wellbeing both online and offline.

Try setting some limits and boundaries surrounding screens and make use of the wellbeing settings on apps such as Instagram and TikTok, or on your devices.

2. Navigate the negative

Children can see things online that make them feel upset, angry, or cause low self-esteem. If this happens, encourage them to mute or block accounts that do this.

They can also use settings that block words, phrases, or posts they don’t want to see. Encourage them to make their online space a positive one!

3. Seeing isn't believing

Remind your child that not everything they see or hear online is true. Encourage them to regularly question what they’re viewing. This includes content that might be making them feel bad about themselves, or like they’re missing out.

If this does happen, you could talk to your child about filters, edited images or the fact that people usually post about the best bits of their lives rather than the boring, everyday bits.

4. Mistakes happen

If your child makes a mistake online, such as getting into an argument or sharing personal information, be understanding. You could use this mistake as a learning opportunity!

This is a part of building digital resilience, which will help you all feel better about being online.

5. Take the lead

Your children look to you as an example. Make sure you’re acting on your own online wellbeing advice – doing things like taking breaks and not engaging with negative content.

6. Get chatting

Have regular chats with your child about what they like doing online and how it makes them feel.

Don’t forget to talk about the positives of being online as much as the negatives, and really listen to what they’re telling you.

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How can going online affect our wellbeing?

There are lots of positives for children being online, however there can be negatives too. For some it can become overwhelming trying to keep up with friends, and the pressure can mount.

Many things can impact our online wellbeing, and you can take control of the choices made to reduce any negativity. Being aware of the impact of being online, just like you would be aware of the impact of offline activities, is the first step to managing your children's online wellbeing.

We can:

manage the content that our children see,

ensure interactions are suitable

and manage how long they’re online, in balance with other activities.

There are several things you can do to help support a child with their wellbeing online, including specific apps, and looking at settings.

Have regular conversations with your child

Give children the chance to talk about what they're experiencing online, what apps and sites they use and who they're talking to. Talking regularly, like you would about their day at school, will help your child feel relaxed and mean that when they do have any worries, they’re more likely to come and speak to you. Remind them that it isn’t just you that they can talk to – another trusted adult or a Childline counsellor might be easier sometimes.

Fall-outs with friends can affect children online, just as they do offline, and communicating online can lead to misunderstandings with friends. Encourage your child to look at the Childline website, which has lots of great advice articles:

Feeling good on social media

Coping with stress

Worries about the world

Childline’s Calm zone is also packed with tools and activities to help children de-stress and discover new techniques that can support them when they’re feeling down. Young people can also talk to each other about their worries on the Childline message boards.

Take breaks

Our devices are designed to keep us coming back. Features like infinite scrolling, app notifications, auto play and rewards for playing games every day are all persuasive designs to increase our use.

Mobile and wearable tech such as phones and smart watches can make us feel like we’re always online and it can help everyone to take a break sometimes, to help switch off from online pressures. You can use the settings on individual apps, or in the device settings to silence notifications for a period of time.

You can also utilise the 'do not disturb' mode available on most devices to mute calls and notifications, to help avoid distractions

Consider that what children see online is often through a filter. It isn’t just images and videos that can be filtered or edited, but bodies and lives too

Use wellbeing settings and apps

There are sites and apps which are specifically designed to help children with their online wellbeing:

BBC Own it which gives advice as they chat to their friends online.

Headspace for Kids is an app to teach children the basics of mindfulness in a fun way. It’s aimed at 3-12 year olds, with different content for the different age groups. Free for Headspace subscribers, limited access for non-subscribers.

JoyPoP is an app designed to help users find their inner resilience to deal with the highs and lows in their day to day lives. By rating mood for the day, users are directed to complete different activities to help switch to positive emotions. App costs £6.99.

You can also find out what apps your child uses the most and have a look to see if there are wellbeing guides which explain their settings to help support children's wellbeing.