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A multipronged approach to social media management, including time limits, parental monitoring and supervision, and ongoing discussions about social media can help parents protect teens' brain development

Cite this

American Psychological Association. (2023, May 9). Keeping teens safe on social media: What parents should know to protect their kids. https://www.apa.org/topics/social-media-internet/social-media-parent-tips

Social media can help teenagers with healthy development but it can also create risks. Psychological research shows it is critically important to focus on how teens use social media and the type of content they see.

As a parent or caregiver, you are the expert on your child. You know what experiences will fit with their strengths and areas of vulnerability. These recommendations are based on research and will help you and your teens be smart users of social media, avoiding the harms, and gaining maximum benefits.

1. Recognize developing brains may be especially vulnerable to specific social media features.

Communicating with friends on social media can be helpful for child development, including a chance to learn new social skills and complex relationships. But the like button and use of artificial intelligence to promote excessive scrolling may be dangerous for developing brains.

Adolescent brain development generally starts before puberty, around age 10, and lasts through early adulthood. This is an important phase of growth during which the brain undergoes dramatic developmental changes. In early adolescence, brain regions associated with a desire for attention from peers become increasingly sensitive. Social media may exploit that desire. Meanwhile, brain areas important for self-control don't fully develop until early adulthood. When thinking about the use of social media in your family, it's important to recognize the unique vulnerabilities of adolescent brains. Your guidelines around social media use should evolve as children mature.

What to do: Limit social media use on platforms that include counts of likes or encourage excessive use. Use screen time settings available on most devices or on platforms to help teens set limits and learn self-control. Prohibit screen time that interferes with at least 8 hours of sleep a night to ensure healthy brain development among teens.
[Related: How to teach social media literacy to teens: A Q&A with Mitch Prinstein, PhD]

2. Monitor and discuss your child's social media use.

Parents should take a multipronged approach to social media management, including time limits, parental monitoring and supervision, and ongoing discussions about social media.

As noted above, time limits can help teens with self-control and encourage moderate social media use. Limiting chat functions, especially among strangers, and limiting exposure to adult content is also recommended. Particularly for younger teens, parents may consider allowing social media use only when children are at home so that parents can keep a closer eye on their online activities.

In addition, adult monitoring of social media postings and content viewed is advised, especially in early adolescence. Unsupervised social media use is more likely to expose children to potentially harmful content and features of social media. Scientific studies demonstrate it is also critical for parents to engage in ongoing discussions with adolescents about how to use social media in safe and helpful ways. This is hard for many parents and caregivers since some of these platforms and their functions are unfamiliar to many adults today.

What to do: Talk to your teen weekly about how social media platforms work so they feel safe telling you about their experiences without judgment. Ask them what they saw on social media, how they understand what was posted, and pose hypothetical questions to them to learn how they would respond to various situations they might encounter online.
[Related: Reducing social media use significantly improves body image in teens, young adults]

3. Model healthy social media use.

Research studies show teens learn some social media behavior and attitudes from their parents. It is important for adults to model healthy social media use in their own lives. To model good digital behavior, avoid using social media when at the dinner table or engaging in family time, and make sure your conversations about social media reflect the ways you want them to feel about social media use.

What to do: Discuss how and why you use social media with your children. Set limits for social media use for yourselves and encourage your children to follow your example. Take social media holidays as a family and discuss the challenges and temptations you all experience when away from social media for a long time.

4. Watch for problematic social media use.

Keep an eye out for signs your child may be using social media in unhealthy ways. Your child's social media use might be causing problems if:

It interferes with their daily routines and commitments, such as school, work, friendships, and extracurricular activities.

They often choose social media over in-person social interactions.

It prevents them from getting at least 8 hours of quality sleep each night.

It prevents them from engaging in regular physical activity.

They keep using social media even when they express a desire to stop.

They experience strong cravings to check social media.

They lie or use deceptive behavior to spend time online.

What to do: Ask your child if any of these statements above are true for them. If you are concerned your child is dependent on social media or using it in unhealthy ways, consider enforcing new limits around accessing this technology. If you suspect your child is experiencing psychological harm or you are having difficulty managing your child's social media use, a mental health professional may be able to help you find healthier ways to engage with the digital world.

5. Teach social media literacy.

Social media platforms, schools, and teens can all play a role in teaching social media literacy. Parents and caregivers can help. See APA's recommendations for areas of social media literacy that will help adolescents have more positive experiences, and reduce risks online, based on the available science to date.

To learn more about the research behind these recommendations, see APA's Health Advisory on Social Media Use in Adolescence.

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Keeping teens safe on social media: What parents should know to protect their kids

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A multipronged approach to social media management, including time limits, parental monitoring and supervision, and ongoing discussions about social media can help parents protect teens' brain development.

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The science behind why apps like TikTok, Instagram, and Snapchat impact your child's brain in a different way than your adult brain.

Cite this

Abrams, Z. (2023, August 3). Why young brains are especially vulnerable to social media. https://www.apa.org/news/apa/2022/social-media-children-teens

Starting around age 10, children's brains undergo a fundamental shift that spurs them to seek social rewards, including attention and approval from their peers.

At the same time, we hand them smartphones (Kids & Tech, Influence Central, 2018).

Social media platforms like Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, and Snapchat have provided crucial opportunities for interaction that are a normal part of development-especially during a time of severe isolation prompted by the pandemic. But they've also been increasingly linked to mental health problems, including anxiety, depressive symptoms, and body image concerns.

So, why do kids face a higher risk of harm on social media?

Let's dig deeper.

Social rewards and the brain

Between the ages of 10 and 12, changes in the brain make social rewards-compliments on a new hairstyle, laughter from a classmate-start to feel a lot more satisfying. Specifically, receptors for the "happy hormones" oxytocin and dopamine multiply in a part of the brain called the ventral striatum, making preteens extra sensitive to attention and admiration from others.
[Related: What neuroscience tells us about the teenage brain]
"We know that social media activity is closely tied to the ventral striatum," said Mitch Prinstein, APA's chief science officer. "This region gets a dopamine and oxytocin rush whenever we experience social rewards."

Right next door to the ventral striatum lies the ventral pallidum, a region of the brain key for motivating action. These structures, which lie beneath the more recently evolved cortex, are older parts of the brain that drive instinctual behaviors.

In adulthood, social media use is also linked to activation in the brain's reward centers, but two key differences may lessen harm, Prinstein said. First, adults tend to have a fixed sense of self that relies less on feedback from peers. Second, adults have a more mature prefrontal cortex, an area that can help regulate emotional responses to social rewards.

Permanent and public

In youth, the drive for approval has historically helped kids and teens develop healthy social skills and connections. But arriving at school in a new pair of designer jeans, hoping your crush will smile at you in the hallway, is worlds away from posting a video on TikTok that may get thousands of views and likes, Prinstein said.

Part of what makes online interactions so different from in-person ones is their permanent-and often public-nature, according to research by Jacqueline Nesi, PhD, an assistant professor of psychology at Brown University (Psychological Inquiry, Vol. 21, No. 3, 2020).

"After you walk away from a regular conversation, you don't know if the other person liked it, or if anyone else liked it-and it's over," Prinstein said. "That's not true on social media."

Instead, kids, their friends, and even people they've never met can continue to seek, deliver, or withhold social rewards in the form of likes, comments, views, and follows.

As children and teens increasingly go online for entertainment and connection, parents, scholars, and policymakers are concerned that young people's biology is making them particularly vulnerable to-and in some cases, even exploited by-social media.

Protecting young users

Further research shows how this biological vulnerability plays out in the lives of children and teens. Younger social media users are more likely than older ones to have body image issues, while kids who use Instagram or Snapchat before age 11 face a higher risk of online harassment (Saiphoo, A. N., & Vahedi, Z., Computers in Human Behavior, Vol. 101, 2019; Charmaraman, L., et al., Computers in Human Behavior, Vol. 127, 2022).

These and other findings have prompted recommendations from the U.S. Surgeon General, Vivek Murthy, MD, that social media and other technology companies help minimize fallout from their products, including by prioritizing the wellbeing of young users and by sharing their data with independent researchers ( Protecting youth mental health (PDF, 1.01MB), The U.S. Surgeon General's Advisory, 2021).

"It's time we stopped trying to make a profit on kids' developing brains," Prinstein said. "For the first time in human history, we have given up autonomous control over our social relationships and interactions, and we now allow machine learning and artificial intelligence to make decisions for us."

"We have already seen how this has created tremendous vulnerabilities to our way of life. It's even scarier to consider how this may be changing brain development for an entire generation of youth," he said.

Contact APA Office of Public Affairs

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Why young brains are especially vulnerable to social media

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The science behind why apps like TikTok, Instagram, and Snapchat impact your child's brain in a different way than your adult brain.

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Best Practices and Resources for Parents and Caregivers | National Telecommunications and Information Administration

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Helping Kids Thrive Online: Health, Safety, & PrivacyNTIA.govKids Online Health and SafetyOnline Health and Safety for Children and Youth: Bes…

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Time Well Spent - Social Media Discussion Guide for Parents of Teens - The Mental Health Coalition

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The Mental Health Coalition’s Time Well Spent Challenge encourages parents to have meaningful conversations with teens about healthy social media use. Our Discussion Guide explores what “time well spent” means in the context of social media. This guide includes a list of thoughtful conversation starters designed to spark dialogue between parents and teens, as well as tools and resources to navigate these discussions effectively.

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Editor's Note: Kids are growing up on YouTube, Facebook, and Twitter -- spending hours every day creating, communicating, and connecting in digital spaces. Whether you're a tech-savvy parent or a technophobic one, you're probably looking for tools to help your family navigate the many issues that come along with our media- and technology-saturated society. This digital world, which can bring young people incredible resources and learning opportunities, also opens up the very real parenting challenges of managing non-stop screen time, preventing cyberbullying, finding age-appropriate content, and more. Common Sense Media is an organization that provides essential resources for families to manage the impact of challenges like this. We've asked their editors to compile a list of their most popular articles and tip sheets to guide parents as they raise responsible and thoughtful digital citizens.
Family Media Management

From movies to TV to games, kids are spending more time with electronic devices than ever before. Common Sense Media encourages parents to take control of the media and technology in their family's life in order to maintain a balance of rich learning experiences with entertainment.

Tip: Use media together. Whenever you can, watch, play, and listen with your kids. Talk about the content. When you can't be there, ask them about the media they've used. Help kids question and analyze media messages. Share your own values. Let them know how you feel about solving problems with violence, stereotyping others, selling products using sex or cartoon characters, or advertising to kids in schools or movie theaters. Help kids connect what they learn in the media to real-life events and other activities -- like playing sports and creating art -- in order to broaden their understanding of the world. (From "Tips for a Healthy Media Diet.")

More Resources from Common Sense:

Internet Safety and Online Privacy

In today's world, where sharing is becoming the norm, there's a lot of talk about privacy and online reputation. Everything kids say or do online can affect how others view their character. These articles offer parents insight into how companies can collect and use their kids' data and personal information -- and what they can do about it.

Tip: Explain that nothing is really private online. It's crucial for kids to guard their own online privacy by not posting and sharing things they don't want to become public. A few more tips: Ask permission before you go online. Never share passwords. Keep personal details -- name, address, phone number, how much money your parents make -- to yourself. Think before you post -- is this really something you want to share? Only communicate with people you know -- never chat with or send photos to strangers. (From "Parents' Guide to Protecting Kids' Privacy Online.")

More Resources from Common Sense:

Social Networking and Virtual Worlds

Now more than ever, kids are chatting, sharing, and connecting on social networking sites. The latest research from Common Sense reveals that teens are avid, daily users of social media, and 75% of them currently have a profile on sites like Facebook, Twitter, and Formspring. While they can use social tools to get the best of what the Web has to offer, tragic stories of cyberbullying seem to be a daily news staple. These tips and resources will help parents keep kids' online lives responsible, respectful, safe, and private.

Tip: Help kids understand the line between funny and cruel. Kids' online communication is often purposely ambiguous or accidentally cruel -- both of which can lead to misunderstandings. If drama starts brewing, ask your kid to call or speak face-to-face with their friend to clear it up. (From "Five Things You Need to Know About Cyberbullying.")

More Resources from Common Sense:

Role Models and Stereotypes

Kids look up to celebrities -- and take their cues from people they admire. Too much sexy material and violent imagery can affect their behavior and the choices they make. Body image, self-esteem, and weight issues are all affected by the media that young people watch, play, and interact with. These articles help explain the influence of celebrity culture and media stereotypes. They'll help parents make healthy, age-appropriate choices for their family.

Tip: Grab the headlines, and make them teachable moments. If you see teen drinking on a TV show -- or you see pictures on the Internet of celebs smoking pot or getting arrested for drunk driving -- check in with your kids. For young kids, see how much they understand. Grade-schoolers get a lot of confusing information from their peers, so set the facts straight. For preteens, turn celebrity misbehavior into teachable moments by letting them know what you think about the behavior. And for teens, ask questions. For example, if a celebrity they like is in trouble with alcohol, ask whether their peers are using alcohol or whether they have any anxieties or questions about drinking. Take time to share your opinions -- and expectations -- about the issues. (From "When Good Role Models Go Bad.")

More Resources from Common Sense:

Educational Issues

We all want our kids to succeed in school. We want to reinforce classroom learning and values at home and be well-equipped to address some of the issues that come up while our kids are navigating technology and digital media to support their schoolwork. These articles will help families guide their kids to make smart, ethical decisions in their digital lives.

Tip: Don't assume that your children automatically know what's right and wrong. The digital world operates with different rules -- that is, wherever rules even exist. Establish rules about use right from the start. Make sure kids have cited their material, clearly indicating where they found that statistic, that insight, that map. Be explicit about what is and isn't acceptable behavior. Don't assume they know. And make sure you have real consequences for breaking the rules. (From "Cheating Goes High-Tech.")

More Resources from Common Sense:

It's our hope that these curated parent tips and resources will help guide you through both the challenges and opportunities that come along with raising kids in a digital world. For more information, media reviews, and advice, visit the Common Sense Media website.

Additional Resources on the Web

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Media and Digital Literacy: Resources for Parents

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Young people are immersed in technology in ways previous generations could not have imagined. Common Sense Media has compiled this list of resources for parents seeking advice and information about how to help their children explore smartly and stay safe.

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Teaching Kids to Be Smart About Social Media

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Before kids or teens hit "enter," make sure they know the rules when it comes to oversharing, teasing, posting personal info, and other online don'ts.

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Impact of Social Media on Youth | Katanu Mbevi | TEDxYouth@BrookhouseSchool

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Teens open up about the impact of social media on their lives

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Children's mental health problems are real, common and treatable. Although one in five children has a diagnosable mental health problem, nearly two-thirds of them get little or no help.

Untreated mental health problems can disrupt children's functioning at home, school and in the community. Without treatment, children with mental health issues are at increased risk of school failure, contact with the criminal justice system, dependence on social services, and even suicide.

Parents and family members are usually the first to notice if a child has problems with emotions or behavior. Your observations, along with those of teachers and other caregivers, can help determine whether you need to seek help for your child.
The following signs may indicate the need for professional help:

Decline in school performance

Poor grades despite strong efforts

Constant worry or anxiety

Repeated refusal to go to school or to take part in normal activities

Hyperactivity or fidgeting

Persistent nightmares

Persistent disobedience or aggression

Frequent temper tantrums

Depression, sadness or irritability

Early identification, diagnosis and treatment can help children reach their full potential. A first step may be to have your child complete our youth screening which is intended for young people (age 11-17) who are concerned that their emotions, attention, or behaviors might be signs of a problem. A complementary parent screening is also available for your use.

The information from the completed screenings can be helpful in starting a conversation with your child about their mental health, and may be useful when talking with your child's pediatrician or a mental health professional.

An evaluation may include consultation with a child psychiatrist, psychological testing and medical tests to rule out any physical condition that could be causing the symptoms. Children also must be carefully evaluated to distinguish possible mental health conditions from learning disabilities or developmental delays.

If your child is diagnosed with a mental health problem, a comprehensive treatment plan should include psychotherapy and, in some cases, may include medication. The plan should be developed with the family. Whenever possible, the child should be involved in treatment decisions.
Additional Resources Time to Talk: Tips for Talking About Your Mental Health
Youth Mental Health: Emotions Matter (Infographic)

Helpful vs Harmful: Ways to Manage Emotions (For Youth)
Helping at Home: Tips for Parents Learn about IEPs and 504 Plans Prevention and Early Intervention in Mental Health- Puberty to Early Adulthood ADHD and Kids Healthy Mental and Emotional Development Take the Youth Screen Take the Parent Screen
Treatment of Children with Mental Illness. National Institute of Mental Health.

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Recognizing Mental Health Problems In Children

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Children's mental health problems are real, common and treatable. Although one in five children has a diagnosable mental health problem, nearly two-thirds of them get little or no help. Untreated mental health problems can disrupt children's functioning at home, school and in the community.

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Infographic: Youth Mental Health - Emotions Matter

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Mental health affects the way people think, feel and act. Taking care of our mental health is just as important as having a healthy body. As a parent, you play an important role in your child's mental health:

You can promote good mental health by the things you say and do, and through the environment you create at home.

You can also learn about the early signs of mental health problems and know where to go for help.

How can I nurture my child's mental health?
Help children build strong, caring relationships:

It's important for children and youth to have strong relationships with family and friends. Spend some time together each night around the dinner table.

A significant person who is consistently present in a child's life plays a crucial role in helping them develop resilience. This person-often a parent or other family member-is someone your child spends a lot of time with and knows they can turn to when they need help.

Show your children how to solve problems.

Help children and youth develop self-esteem, so that they feel good about themselves:

Show lots of love and acceptance.

Praise them when they do well. Recognize their efforts as well as what they achieve.

Ask questions about their activities and interests.

Help them set realistic goals.

Listen, and respect their feelings:

It's OK for children and youth to feel sad or angry. Encourage them to talk about how they feel.

Keep communication and conversation flowing by asking questions and listening to your child. Mealtime can be a good time for talking.

Help your child find someone to talk to if they don't feel comfortable talking to you.

Create a safe, positive home environment:

Be aware of your child's media use, both the content and the amount of time spent on screens. This includes TV, movies, Internet, and gaming devices. Be aware of who they might be interacting with on social media and online games.

Be careful about discussing serious family issues-such as finances, marital problems, or illness-around your children. Children can worry about these things.

Provide time for physical activity, play, and family activities.

Be a role model by taking care of your own mental health: Talk about your feelings. Make time for things you enjoy.

In difficult situations, help children and youth solve problems:

Teach your child how to relax when they feel upset. This could be deep breathing, doing something calming (such as a quiet activity they enjoy), taking some time alone, or going for a walk.

Talk about possible solutions or ideas to improve a situation and how to make it happen. Try not to take over.

How common are mental health problems among children and youth?

One out of every 5 children and youth in Canada (20%) has a diagnosable mental health condition. Examples include attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), anxiety, depression, substance abuse, eating disorders and learning disabilities. Many more children have milder but significant emotional and behavioural problems.

Mental health issues can affect youth at any age. But certain situations can place some young people at a higher risk, including:

A family history of mental illness.

New immigrants and refugees who experience difficult economic circumstances.

Indigenous children and youth who have poorer overall health, live in isolated communities and have scarce educational and work-related opportunities.

LGBTQ children and youth who experience bullying and/or rejection from their families.

Big life changes such as moving to a new city or new school, caregiver separation or divorce, serious illness or death in a close relative or friend.

Facing or witnessing trauma, including abuse.

Substance use.

Unfortunately, too many children and youth don't get help soon enough. Mental health disorders can prevent children and youth from succeeding in school, from making friends, or becoming independent from their parents. Children and youth with mental health disorders may have trouble reaching their developmental milestones.

The good news is that mental health disorders are treatable. There are many different approaches to helping children and youth struggling with emotional or mental health problems. Getting help early is important. It can prevent problems from becoming more serious, and can lessen the effect they have on your child's development.

How do I know if my child or youth has a mental health problem?

All children and youth are different. If you're concerned your child may have a problem, look at whether there are changes in the way they think, feel or act. Mental health problems can also lead to physical changes. Ask yourself how your child is doing at home, at school and with friends.

Changes in thinking

Saying negative things about themselves or blaming themselves for things beyond their control.

Trouble concentrating.

Frequent negative thoughts.

Changes in school performance.

Changes in feelings

Reactions or feelings that seem bigger than the situation.

Seeming very unhappy, worried, guilty, fearful, irritable, sad, or angry.

Feeling helpless, hopeless, lonely or rejected.

Changes in behaviour

Wanting to be alone often.

Crying easily.

Showing less interest in or withdrawing from sports, games or other activities that they normally enjoy.

Over-reacting, or sudden outbursts of anger or tears over small incidents.

Seeming quieter than usual, less energetic.

Trouble relaxing or sleeping.

Spending a lot of time daydreaming.

Falling back to less mature behaviours.

Trouble getting along with friends.

Physical changes

Headaches, tummy aches, neck pain, or general aches and pains.

Lack of energy, or feeling tired all the time.

Sleeping or eating problems.

Too much energy or nervous habits such as nail biting, hair twisting or thumb sucking.

Remember: Just because you notice one or more of these changes does not mean your child or youth has a mental health problem.

Where do I go for help?

There are many ways to help your child achieve good mental health. Sharing your concerns with the doctor is one of them. Talk to your child's doctor:

if the behaviours described above last for a while, or if they interfere with your child's ability to function;

if you have concerns about your child's emotional and mental health;

about your child's behavioural development and emotional health at each well-child visit.

If your child or teen talks about suicide or harming themselves, call your doctor or local mental health crisis line right away.

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Taking care of our mental health is just as important as having a healthy body.

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9 Essential Mental Health Supports for School-Based Programs

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Supporting mental health in schools— 9 foundational approaches to caring for students’ well-being, from psychoeducation to tailored programs.

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Suicide is the second-leading cause of death for adolescents. The social and academic stresses of these years, combined with the availability of alcohol and drugs and the effect of social media, leave many parents concerned about the mental well-being of their children.

In an interview with Michigan Health at the University of Michigan, Cheryl King, Ph.D., professor of psychiatry at Michigan Medicine and one of the nation's leading experts on adolescent and child suicide prevention, provides helpful strategies on how to broach this difficult topic with children and teens.
How do you identify someone who may be suicidal?
King: We listen and watch for several key signs or red flags for possible suicide risk. These include signs of severe or overwhelming emotional pain or distress. Teens may talk about suicide or express suicidal thoughts and hopelessness. In addition, we may see worrisome changes in behavior. As examples, teens may withdraw from people or activities they typically take pleasure in and enjoy, or they may start to use alcohol or drugs. Other behavior changes could be more interpersonal conflict and signs of agitation or sleep disturbance. The behavioral signs vary across teens.

How can parents safely and effectively talk to their children about suicide?

King: The main thing to remember is that before the conversation begins, parents need to manage their own emotions. Parents should talk with their teen at a time when they feel they can maintain a calm listening stance.

Here are a few other ways parents can work to handle this discussion:

Keep the channels of communication open and be direct. Do not be afraid to ask your child questions. Do not be afraid to directly ask if they are thinking of harming themselves or thinking of suicide. These questions are asked in the context of caring and wanting to help them resolve their pain.

Normalize their experiences. Reassure them there are no taboo thoughts, and attenuate any possible shame. You can ask your child, "Given all you are dealing with right now and given what is happening at school, have you had any thoughts about hurting yourself or thoughts of killing yourself?" Be direct. Parents could also say, "I wonder if you have thoughts of suicide."

Listen to your child's distress and stay calm. No matter what your child says, parents need to react calmly. Listen when your child is upset. Make a point to hear their distress. If parents do not do this, children may shut down or react with anger.

Take a collaborative approach and do not dictate the solution. King suggests saying, "I'm sorry you are in this pain. Let's think of what we can do. Let's see what we can do to figure this out. I want to be helpful. Let's get help, and let's learn more together."

What should you do if your child tells you he or she is suicidal?

King: First, it's important to let your child know how much you appreciate their honesty and courage in sharing something so difficult with you. Remain calm, sit with your child and listen to the reasons they are feeling this way. Let them know you understand. Then, consider the best next steps. This may include consulting with your pediatrician or making an appointment with a mental health professional. Children who express significant thoughts of suicide or who are planning a suicide attempt need an immediate evaluation. This may involve your local county's crisis services or local emergency department if necessary.

In addition, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Staffed by well-trained counselors, the Lifeline is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Unfortunately, access to mental health services across the country is strapped, but children with elevated suicide risk are always a priority.

What else can we do to support at-risk youth?

King: It's critical that we emphasize a community effort to address this problem. Adults who interact with at-risk youth can be prepared to provide support. This could be teachers, school counselors, coaches, friends, family and others. I'd encourage all schools across the nation to incorporate depression, suicide risk or broader mental health screenings in their health programs. The more people who are informed, the better chance we have at helping at-risk youth. We are also working to do this in emergency departments.

Also, the barriers for help-seeking still need to be lowered. We are getting better, but mental health stigma still persists, and we need to work on it constantly. We need to get to a place where going to see a therapist or psychiatrist is seen as just like going to the doctor to get a broken ankle checked out.

Also, parents need to remember they are never alone. There are so many resources available for help.
Source: Michigan Medicine, University of Michigan | How to Talk to Children and Teens About Suicide: A Guide for Parents, https://healthblog.uofmhealth.org/wellness-prevention/how-to-talk-to-children-and-teens-about-suicide-a-guide-for-parents | © Copyright 2021 Regents of the University of Michigan. Reprinted with permission under CC by 3.0 Last reviewed October 2024.

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How to Talk to Children and Teens About Suicide: A Guide for Parents

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Discover strategies for talking about suicide with children and teens. Learn from leading expert Cheryl King how to identify and address suicide risk.

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Inside: Every day is an opportunity for parents and caregivers to provide the best gift possible, a strong foundation for a child's mental health.
If you had only one wish for your child's future what would it be?

Many of us would say "I want my child to be happy", but what does that really mean?

Would it mean your child would grow up to love who they are as a person, knowing their strengths and challenges, and able to offer those gifts to the world in a meaningful way?

Would it mean your child would have the emotional intelligence skills to express and modulate their emotions in a healthy way as well as interacting positively and engaging in fulfilling relationships with those around them?

Would it mean your child would have the resilience and flexibility to cope with challenging and adverse life events that come their way?

Sometimes happiness sounds a lot like the main components of mental health.

It's easy to feel helpless when it comes to our child's mental health and well-being when we look around and feel the weight of scary statistics and trends bearing down on us.

What you may be forgetting amidst the fear-based headlines is that parents have a lot of power when it comes to their child's mental health.

The environment you provide for your child each day holds many opportunities for nourishing good mental health both now and into adulthood.

100 Ways to Nurture Your Child's Mental Health each day

1.Love them unconditionally

2.Talk about feelings

3.Listen first, talk second

4.Allow plenty of time for play

5.Discipline with respect not shame

6.Ask about your child's day

7.Let them do things on their own

8.Teach good sleep habits

9.Model positive self-care

10.Let them be independent when possible

11.Tell your child what you love about them

12.Be honest with them at an age-appropriate level

13.Apologize to them when you mess up

14.Let them appropriately express their emotions

15.Replace yelling and nagging with teaching

16.Help them engage in problem-solving

17.Make time for daily connection

18.Provide a physically safe environment for your child

19.Provide an emotionally safe environment for your child

20.Provide nutritious whole foods

21.Adhere to healthy screen time recommendations

22.Validate their feelings

25.Let them know mistakes are a chance to learn

26.Allow them to experience natural consequences

27.Share personal stories to teach important lessons

28.Give them specific praise

29.Teach them how to journal

30.Play family board games

31.Allow them to take healthy risks

32.Let your child know you are always there if they need to talk

33.Surround them with positive role-models

34.Teach your child their body belongs to them

35.Show them how to take deep breaths

37.Play with your child

38.Get to know their friends

40.Set healthy limits

41.Believe the best of them

42.Have family meetings

43.Teach your child to set goals

44.Give them downtime

46.Allow them to have their own ideas and opinions

47.Respect your child's boundaries

48.Show patience and grace when they mess up

49.Encourage them to try a new activity

51.Be aware of your own emotional triggers

52.Establish routines

53.Use respectful tones and gestures

54.Recognize that behavior is communication

55.Create family rituals

56.Get to know the person behind 'your kid'

57.Take them to therapy

58.Explore new things together

59.Teach them to respect others by modeling respect to them

60.Remember that growing up can be really stressful

61.Nurture your child's gifts

62.Be on your child's team

63.Put down your phone and be in the moment with them

66.Remember they want time with you more than new games or toys

67.Be consistent and follow through with what you say

68.Share the 'highs' and 'lows' of each day

69.Provide an abundance of good physical touch

70.Engage in random acts of kindness

72.Light up when you see them

73.Remind yourself that your child is not you but their own unique person

74.Promote creativity

75.Encourage regular exercise

76.Monitor electronic devices and content

77.Remember that discipline means 'to teach'

78.Communicate with your child's teacher

80.Provide opportunities for social interaction

81.Tell your child their strengths

82.Cuddle with them

83.Allow expression through art

84.Expect the best from your child

85.Teach and model healthy boundaries

86.Eat family meals together

89.Hug them often

90.Healthy living environment

91.Pay attention to your child's interests

92.Have uncomfortable conversations

93.Welcome do-over's

95.Read books that normalize emotions

97. Give them household responsibilities

99.Discover and enjoy mutual hobbies and activities

100.Accept your child exactly as they are

Your child's mental health matters

Good mental health is essential to overall health in every child. When you strengthen your child's mental health not only are you positively affecting how your child thinks feels and behaves, you are increasing their chances of success in school, with peers, and in life.

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Angela Pruess LMFT, Child Therapist + Parent Coach

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100 Everyday Ways To Strengthen Your Child's Mental Health

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Every day is an opportunity for parents and caregivers to provide the best gift possible, a strong foundation for a child's mental health

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Tom Osborn: A new way to help young people with their mental health | TED

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Accommodations and Modifications: What you need to know

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Accommodations and Modifications: What you need to know

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A strategy used to help a student with learning needs access the same curriculum as his peers.

A strategy used to help a student with learning needs achieve the same curriculum as his peers.

Curriculum learning expectations and outcomes are the same.

Curriculum learning expectations and outcomes are different.

Occurs in the general education classroom.

Occurs in the general education classroom.

Tools, materials, technology, visual aids, physical space, and timing are used to help the student access the currculum.

Tools, materials, technology, visual aids, physical space, and timing are used to help the student achieve the currculum.

Grading is the same.

Grading is different and appropriate to the student's specific developmental level and learning needs.

The basics

Accommodations for Students with LD
See examples of accommodations that allow students with learning disabilities to show what they know without giving them an unfair advantage. Accommodations are divided into the following categories: how information is presented to the student, how the student can respond, timing of tests and lessons, the learning environment, and test scheduling.

Accommodating Students with Dyslexia in All Classroom Settings
This fact sheet describes reasonable accommodations involving materials, interactive instruction, and student performance to help children with learning problems in general education and special education classrooms.

Dysgraphia Accommodations and Modifications
Learn the signs and symptoms of dysgraphia, see a menu of accommodations and modifications, and view remediation recommendations to help students improve their writing.

Visual schedules and structures

Visual Schedules in the School Setting
A visual schedule communicates the sequence of upcoming activities or events through the use of objects, photographs, icons, or words. Find out how to set up visual schedules in your classroom to support your students.

Visual Structure in the School Setting
Visual structure adds a physical or visual component to tasks to help students with ASD to understand how an activity should be completed. Get ideas on how to implement visual structure in your classroom and support your students' independence.

Do You See What I Mean? Visual Literacy Supports for Students with Disabilities
Many learners with disabilities are visual learners and are best able to understand and remember content when they can see it represented in some way; in other words, they need to "see what we mean." Three visual supports helpful for teaching and supporting literacy development are described here: picture books, graphic notes, and story kits.

Visual Supports for Students with ASD
Browse this collection of visual supports and other resources to help your students with ASD be successful socially and academically in school. You'll find templates for social rules, classroom rules, emotional support, schedules, and more.

Visual supports in the classroom

Autism expert Brenda Smith Myles talks about the importance of visual supports in the general education classroom. See the full interview with Dr. Myles here ›

Using visual supports to teach students with ASD across environments

This webcast from Virginia Commonwealth University provides educators who work with students with Autism Spectrum Disorder an opportunity to learn how to incorporate visual supports into their classrooms. Learn the importance of using visuals within four critical areas: instruction, environment, behavior, and communication.

More resources on accommodations and modifications

Common Accommodations and Modifications in School
There are many ways teachers can help kids who are struggling in school. Here are some common accommodations and modifications that schools and families can discuss as possible options for kids. ( Understood )

Modifications: What You Need to Know
For kids with learning and thinking differences, school can be challenging. If a child is struggling, one possible strategy is giving him less schoolwork or simpler assignments. This is called a modification. It's not the same as an accommodation. While modifications can make school easier for kids, they can have serious drawbacks, too. Here's what you need to know about academic modifications. ( Understood )

Accommodations vs modifications

Hear from parent advocate Amanda Morin on the difference between accommodations and modifications, and how each one impacts a child's experience in the classroom. (From Understood )

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Accommodations remove learning barriers in the classroom to provide every child with equal access to learning. An example is offering an audio version of classroom text for a student with dyslexia or visual supports for children with ASD. Modifications are changes to what a child is taught and expected to do in class.

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​​​​By: Rajapillai Pillai, MD, PhD, and Jacqueline M. Branch, MD, FAAP

As a parent, you know your child best. If you have concerns about how your child talks, acts, moves, plays or learns, don't wait to raise them. Acting early can make a huge difference in your child's success in school and life.

What is early intervention?

For babies and young children, this may mean getting early intervention services and supports for developmental delays or disabilities. Starting at age 3, a child's developmental services transition from early intervention to the school system. This process can feel overwhelming, especially for children with special health care needs and developmental disabilities.

Sometimes, we discover that a child needs services and support after they start school.

Parents and caregivers have a lot of influence. You can advocate for your child and help them get the support they need. We hope that the following information will help make the process easier.

What's the difference between an IEP and a 504 plan?

The Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) requires that all individuals can obtain a free and appropriate education. The Individualized Education Program (IEP) and 504 plan help ensure that all children are able to receive this, regardless of physical or mental disability.

An IEP is a formal plan that involves specialized instruction, supportive services and measurable goals. These goals are reviewed on a yearly basis, and regular progress reports are required. For example, specialized instruction may include a smaller classroom size or classroom accommodations. Supportive services may include speech/language therapy, physical therapy, occupational therapy, specialized transportation or mental health counseling.

A 504 plan provides educational accommodations to students who have a physical or mental impairment that substantially limits a major life activity such as eating, sleeping, standing, lifting, concentrating or communicating. This does not necessarily include regular progress reports or reviews of goals. But a 504 plan may include increased time on exams, breaks during physical education, reduced length of assignments or unlimited bathroom access. Basically, the purpose of a 504 plan is to remove barriers to learning and ensure equal access for all students in school.

Know Your Support Structures:

IEPs and 504 Plans Explained

​ ​

Every child who receives special education services must have a written document known as an IEP. It outlines your child's goals, education, services and other resources that the school district will provide.

Special education: how your pediatrician can help your child get services they need

Parents who feel their child might benefit from special education services should request an IEP evaluation in writing. Your pediatrician can help draft a letter of this request. Parents should work with personnel from their child's early intervention program to help with this transition. You can begin this process when your child turns 2 years old.

The IEP is written after a formal evaluation by the school. During the evaluation, current performance levels are established and documented. To be eligible for special education services, your child must meet the criteria for one of 13 eligibility categories, and the disability must adversely affect their educational performance.

Every IEP should have several key pieces of information, including:

Your child's current levels of performance

Measurable goals for the school year

When reports about your child's progress will be provided

How well your child is able to function in school

How your child will be included with peers with typical development

How your child will be assessed on statewide and district-wide tests

The IEP should include dates when services will begin, locations and how long they will last. The IEP should also discuss what will be done when your child's needs change. It also may outline whether your child gets related services, such as special transportation, speech therapy, occupational therapy or counseling. If your child also qualifies for services when school is not in session, the IEP should include which interventions they will receive.

The IEP is written by a team made up of:

The First IEP or 504 meeting: tips for parents

The first IEP or 504 Plan meeting can be an emotional time for parents and school staff. Before the meeting, look over education laws and what interventions may be offered based on your child's needs.

A meeting to discuss the IEP must be held within 30 days after a school determines that a child needs special education services. Parents may invite anyone to this meeting, including personnel such as an advocate or the child's case manager from the early intervention program. The IEP is evaluated at least every year to determine whether goals are being met and may be adjusted if your child's needs change.

What if your child's IEP or 504 plan isn't working?

Regular progress reviews are required as part of a child's IEP. If you feel that their plan is not working, a good first step is often to speak to their teacher and support staff directly to make sure all parts of the IEP are being followed appropriately. You also have the right to request a formal meeting to review their IEP.

A 504 plan does not provide the same process to formally review a child's progress. But many of the same steps can be taken. Parents and caregivers can discuss their child's education and behavior with their teachers, therapists, school nurse and 504 coordinator. You can also request a meeting, though the school is not legally required to convene as they are for an IEP.

Your child's pediatrician is another good resource to ask for advice or to write a letter of support. The pediatrician does not decide what accommodations a child receives. But their input can help give the IEP or 504 team a better understanding of your child's condition.

How to request or adjust an IEP or 504 Plan

To request services:

Find out who your school's IEP or 504 coordinator is.

Submit a formal written request to the coordinator. Be specific about your concerns! Include any documentation that may support your child's needs and include the date. You may need to follow up on this request.

Discuss with your pediatrician for advice and specific recommendations. Pediatricians can help advocate for the needs of your child, including a letter of support in certain cases, though the plan will ultimately be at the discretion of the school.

To adjust an IEP or 504 Plan:

First, discuss with your child's teacher to make sure the plan is being followed.

For an IEP, you can bring up your concerns and request a change when reviewing the plan's goals. Or submit a formal request asking for a re-evaluation or change in plan. Again, be specific!

For a 504 Plan you can also request a meeting with your child's teacher or 504 coordinator or request a team meeting, though the school is not required to meet as they are with an IEP.

Remember

The process of advocating for your child to obtain and maintain an IEP or a 504 plan can feel stressful or even scary. But there are many supports and useful resources to help parents navigate the process. If you feel overwhelmed, a friend, another parent or your pediatrician or another health care professional can be a good source of perspective and advice. You are not alone in this process.

More information

About Dr. Pillai

Rajapillai Pillai, MD, PhD, is a member of the American Academy of Pediatrics Council on Children With Disabilities as the Section on Pediatric Trainees Liaison. He is completing residency in Neurodevelopmental Disabilities at Boston Children's Hospital. His clinical and research interests include mental health in nonverbal individuals and severe emotional dysregulation.

About Dr. Branch

Jacqueline Branch, MD, FAAP, is a Developmental Behavioral Pediatrician at Akron Children's Hospital in Ohio. She is a member of the American Academy of Pediatrics Council on Children With Disabilities. Prior to attending medical school, she completed her Master of Science in Special Education and Elementary Education at Canisius College in Buffalo, New York. In her current practice she serves as the Developmental Behavioral Pediatrician in the School Success Clinic.

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iep~ special education services~ educational road map~ disabilities~ supplementary aids~ school district~ evaluation~ teacher~ asds~ idea~ school-based services~ curricula~

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The IEP is the educational road map for children with disabilities. It spells out your child's goals and outlines the exact education, services, and supplementary aids that the school district will provide for your child.

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Using a Team Approach to Support & Monitor Your Child’s Development

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​First steps, first smiles, first words—moms and dads are always eager to share. All of this sharing also creates an opportunity for others to monitor those milestones.

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Individuals with Disabilities Education Act

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Parents and families want the best for their family members. The Parents and Families Resource page brings together U.S. Department of Education-funded centers, department programs, and additional information of interest for parents and families.

Visit the IDEA Statute and Regulations and Policy Support pages for more specific, searchable IDEA law and policy information.

IDEA-Related Centers

The Department's Office of Special Education Programs ( OSEP) supports projects that provide information and technical assistance to families of infants, toddlers, children, and youth with disabilities.

These projects also support families whose children are suspected of having a disability or developmental delay or who may be inappropriately identified as needing special education and related services.

Information and assistance from these OSEP-funded projects are available free of charge. Families can find information about IDEA-specific topics through these centers.

The Parent Training and Information Centers (PTI) provide services in every state, the District of Columbia, Puerto Rico, the U.S. Virgin Islands and Pacific entities. PTIs are a rich source of information and training especially for parents, including parents whose primary language is not English or themselves have special training needs.

In addition, Community Parent Resource Centers (CPRC) throughout the country serve targeted, underserved communities.

To find the PTI or CPRC that serves your community or to locate additional informational materials for families, visit the Center on Parent Information and Resources.

For additional information about OSEP discretionary grant recipients, visit the Resource Centers' page or view OSEP IDEAs That Work.

IDEA Topic Areas

OSEP, along with other Department offices, Federal agencies, and OSEP discretionary grant recipients, provides numerous IDEA-topic area resources.

For Federal resources for IDEA stakeholders on college- and career-readiness standards, tool kits, topic issues in education, intervention IDEA briefs, and a resource library, visit OSEP IDEAs That Work.

For more specific resources on a variety of IDEA topics, visit the Topic Areas resource page. This resource page includes information and resources from the Department, other Federal agencies, and federally-funded technical assistance centers.

Early Learning

The Department has prioritized early learning in an effort to support our nation's youngest learners. A variety of resources and links to early learning-specific resources can be found on the Department's Early Learning Website.

Military Families

The Military-Connected Children with Disabilities page highlights resources to support states, parents, families, and others to meet the unique needs of military-connected children with disabilities and ensure the timely provision of required early intervention and special education and related services.

Disability Specific Groups

Numerous national, state, and local disability-specific groups exist in support of infants, toddlers, children, and youth with disabilities and their families.

The Department does not endorse particular groups and organizations; however, parents and families are encouraged to contact their Parent Training and Information Center. Parents and families may also find it helpful to connect with research groups and organizations that provide information and support for their child's disability.

Other Resources

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Parents and Families - Individuals with Disabilities Education Act

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Parents and families want the best for their family members. The Parents and Families Resource page brings together U.S. Department of Education-funded centers, department programs, and additional information of interest for parents and families. Visit the IDEA Statute and Regulations and Policy Support pages for more specific, searchable IDEA law and policy information.

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A Comprehensive Guide to the IEP Process, for Parents.

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Navigating the IEP process can feel like trying to solve a puzzle with missing pieces. You know your child deserves more, but figuring out how to get there? That’s a whole different story. Whether you’re new to IEPs or a seasoned parent advocate, this page has everything you need to feel confident, prepared, and in control. From breaking down the jargon to offering step-by-step guidance, you’ll find the tools, tips, and resources to help you get the IEP your child deserves—without the overwhelm. Please note, I have a guide to 504 plans on another page. IDEA has a well defined

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The world of 504 plans can be confusing-what do they actually offer, and how do you ensure your child is getting the support they need? Whether you're exploring a 504 plan for the first time or trying to improve an existing one, this page is packed with the info and tools you need. From breaking down the basics to actionable steps for advocating, we've got you covered so you can focus on what really matters-your child's success.

While I have attended hundreds of IEP meetings, I have attended very few 504 meetings. That is because the process is much different. And the nature of being a Special Education Advocate means that I am most likely to encounter parents who want an IEP for their child, but were only offered a 504 plan.

Still, here are some things to know. And common 504 plan issues I see, from parents who are trying to secure an IEP.

I have a separate page about the IEP process.

504 Plan information for Parents

First, here is a video you may want to watch.

And here is the 504 information. First, there is a list of information on things like "how to get a 504" and the second list will be common issues I encounter with my advocacy clients.

1. 504 Plans, explained.

2. How to Get a 504 Plan, explained by a Special Education Advocate

3. Does a 504 Plan Expire?

4. Can I get an IEP in College? What to know about 504 Plan Accommodations.

5. Which is Better, an IEP or a 504 Plan?

6. IEP vs 504 Chart: 10 Simple Differences and What is the Same.

7. Free Printable List of IEP and 504 Accommodations for Disabled Students (PDF)

8. Understanding the Steps of the Special Education Referral Process

Problems I See with 504 Plans

1. 3 Signs that Your Child's 504 Plan Probably Won't Help, and What to Do Next.

2. What to do if your School or Teacher is Violating the 504 Plan | 8 Action Items for Parents

3. Section 504, IEPs and Sports | Extra-Curricular Activities | What to Know for Inclusion.

4. Can You Have an IEP and a 504?

5. Denied an IEP or 504 Because Grades are Good? What To Do When "His Grades Are Fine!"

6. I Was Offered a 504/RTI/MTSS When I Asked for an IEP | Next Steps

Again, there is a lot more information on this site, and you can always search for what you're looking for.

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A Parent's Guide to Section 504 Plans. | A Day in our Shoes

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Get clear, practical guidance on 504 plans-what they are, how they help, and how to advocate for your child's needs. Your roadmap to understanding and securing a 504 plan.

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Resilience: 5 ways to help children and teens learn it - Harvard Health

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The past two years have been hard and children and teens have had to deal with particularly challenging circumstances. Resilience—the ability to overcome hardship and stress—is o…

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Building Resilience in Children - 20 Practical, Powerful Strategies (Backed by Science) - Hey Sigmund

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Building Resilience in Children, resilience is being able to bounce back from stress, challenge, tragedy, trauma or adversity. please visit our page!

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Elmo Learns How to Build Resilient | Social Emotional Skills

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Keeping Calm - Building Resilience with Hunter and Eve

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New Social & Emotional Learning Resource for Families & Educators

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Big Heart World is a new social and emotional learning initiative designed to help children develop confidence, awareness and an appreciation of others.

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Social & Emotional Learning (SEL)

Providing families of students in preschool to second grade with strategies to bolster SEL skills can also strengthen family bonds.

Social and emotional learning happens everywhere-in the classroom, on the bus, at the kitchen table, on the playground, at a neighborhood barbecue-and families are core to a child's social and emotional development. Supporting social and emotional growth at home impacts not only the children but the entire family. When children and their grown-ups have the tools to navigate stressors, challenges, changes, and really big emotions, we build more emotionally resilient families and communities.

Educators have worked hard to build closer bonds with families during the pandemic, and maintaining and deepening family engagement is top of mind. Social and emotional learning is at the intersection of home and school, and supporting social and emotional development at home should be a critical aspect of any SEL initiative. Building a common language at school that's reinforced at home allows all of us to recognize the diverse and sometimes big emotions we have, express them in healthy ways, manage them appropriately, and hold one another accountable to do the same.

Here are five ways that educators can empower families to reinforce SEL at home.

1. Help Families Understand What SEL Means

Educators may have a clear understanding of "social and emotional learning," but families may not be as familiar with the definition or how it's referenced in education. Provide resources to families that will help them understand what SEL is and build awareness for their children's social and emotional development. Introduce them to the important terms they may hear about SEL, like self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship-building skills, and responsible decision-making.

Find out what families already know about SEL, and meet them where they are. SEL can be a vulnerable process, and families may have strong feelings on the subject. Be ready for these sometimes difficult conversations, and have research and data on hand to help address concerns.

Throughout the year, support ongoing engagement that enables families to connect with each other and the school community. Districts have done this through building an SEL resource page on their website for families, incorporating SEL strategies or activities in the school newsletter, sending resources home in backpacks, and coordinating monthly SEL family events to bring the whole school community together.

2. Provide Lists of Recommended Books

There are endless benefits to encouraging families to read together at home. Educators can help families build their home library with books that highlight SEL skills in action. Providing additional discussion questions can help families more deeply engage with their learner and strengthen specific social and emotional competencies.

There are many helpful picture books that teach social and emotional learning-like the ones listed here, with the SEL competencies and skills that are featured in each book listed. The list includes How Many Seeds in a Pumpkin?, by Margaret McNamara, which fosters social awareness skills like respect and empathy; Rulers of the Playground, by Joseph Kuefler, which teaches relationship skills like listening and teamwork; and , by Lemony Snicket, which teaches self-management skills like resilience, to name a few.

Create a list of five specific things you're grateful for at this moment.

Pick one person and write a letter to them expressing gratitude for something they said or did.

If you could visit anyplace in the world, where would you go? What would you do? How do you hope to feel when you get there?

3. Spark Creative Reflections With Prompts

Young learners may not be ready to put pen to paper, but they can still reflect on journal prompts through creative reflections and creative expression. Provide families with prompts like these:

Offer families some reflection questions and creative modalities that their learners can use to share their ideas, like drawing their responses or acting them out. Families can also share these with older siblings as journal prompts.

4. Promote Family Bonding With Interview Activities

Another great way to promote SEL at home is to invite conversations about emotions. Educators can send home questions that invite young learners to speak with the adults in their family to learn about how they experience emotions.

Simple questions like "What does being happy feel like to you?" "How do you show that feeling in your face, your body, and your actions?" "When was the last time you were happy?" "What are some things or people who make you happy?" can ignite powerful learning conversations for preschool students.

5. Inspire Interaction With Participatory Podcasts

Interactive podcasts that encourage participation, movement, and social and emotional development are an easy way for families to engage their preschoolers in screen-free learning. Good options include storytelling podcasts like The Emotion Motion Podcast, from the Move This World Audio Network, which leads listeners through participatory SEL exercises, music, and movement; and Julie's Library, from American Public Media, which invites listeners to hear Julie Andrews read her favorite children's books.

Engaging families in SEL means giving families the resources to foster social and emotional experiences at home and the tools to reflect on those experiences together. When families reinforce key social and emotional skills and language at home, the impact ripples beyond the walls of a classroom. Now more than ever, educators play a key role in supporting social and emotional development at home.

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Resources for Promoting Social and Emotional Learning at Home

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Social & Emotional Learning (SEL) Providing families of students in preschool to second grade with strategies to bolster SEL skills can also strengthen family bonds. Social and emotional learning happens everywhere-in the classroom, on the bus, at the kitchen table, on the playground, at a neighborhood barbecue-and families are core to a child's social and emotional development.

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Even at an early age, the fallout from learning difficulties - frustration, embarrassment, a sense of being different than their peers - can damage kids' confidence. As a parent, it's hard to watch your child struggle, and knowing how to help isn't always easy. But there are things parents can do. If your child is having trouble in school, supporting their self-esteem and bolstering their ability to face setbacks can help them feel more confident and in control, even when things get tough.

Whether or not your child needs help from specialists or accommodations in school to learn successfully, there's a lot you can do keep their struggles from taking a big emotional toll, explains Daryaneh Badaly, PhD, a clinical neuropsychologist at the Child Mind Institute.

Kids, especially young children, often lack the words or ability to communicate big, complicated feelings like anxiety or embarrassment. Instead, these feelings surface as behaviors. For example, a child who's feeling anxious about school might start having tantrums when it's time to leave in the morning or be disruptive during class.

Tuning into your child's behaviors can help you spot emotions they may not know how to express. If you notice a change in your child's behavior around school, it may be a sign that they're struggling with difficulties they lack the tools to talk about.

So what can parents do to help?

Kids, even those with no learning issues at all, benefit from learning how to deal with frustration and regulate their emotions. Managing frustration without blowing up, or giving up, is an essential skill for kids (and grownups), and it helps kids feel more prepared and less upset when things are difficult for them.

"Difficulty is part of learning," Dr. Badaly notes. "Your child will be frustrated, but you can help your child feel like the frustration was worth it." Help kids build their resilience by doing small bursts of difficult work, such as five minutes of practice on writing their letters, followed by praise for their hard work and even points towards earning a small reward.

While kids are learning to work through frustration, parents might also help reframe frustrating activities. Dr. Badaly also suggests making difficult activities as fun as possible for kids - for example, letting your child choose the book you'll read together or turning the counting practice into a song and dance (literally). "When kids feel engaged they're more likely to keep going when things get tough."

Of course we all want to help kids feel competent and positive when it comes to schoolwork, but cheerleading isn't always the best kind of support. Saying, "You can do it!" when a child is feeling frustrated and upset can leave them feeling misunderstood and may have the opposite effect: "NO, I CAN'T!"

Instead, validate your child's feelings and try to empathize with what they're going through. "Validate the fact that it IS super frustrating!" says Dr. Badaly. For example, you might say: "It does sound really hard. I can see why you're feeling so frustrated. I get frustrated when things are hard, too!" Such conversations might also open the door to telling and showing your child how you might handle something really frustrating - modeling skills for them.

Kids, even very young ones, often feel embarrassed, confused and upset when they're unable to do something that seems easy for their peers. Kids may fear they're the only one who can't do it! Or they might worry they're going to get in trouble. "Let your child know that everyone - other kids, grownups, even their teachers and parents - have things that are hard for them," Dr. Badaly says. "Knowing they're not the only one struggling can be a big help."

Trying, even when things are hard or the outcome is uncertain, is one of the most powerful skills kids can learn. Praising your child's efforts instead of focusing on results will help them feel more comfortable trying things, even if they know they might not get them right immediately. Let them know that you're proud of them even if the results aren't perfect, and when they do succeed, continue to focus on effort. For example, "You really stuck with your letters!" instead of "Those letters look perfect!"

Teachers are often the first to notice a child is struggling. Having regular conversations with your child's teacher, and paying attention to any concerns they share, can help you get a better sense of your child's trouble spots. But when you get a less-than-stellar report about your child's learning or behavior, try to use the feedback as a guide for how to help and support your child, rather than worry-fuel.

Being anxious is okay - passing that anxiety on to your kid isn't. Check in with yourself, and consider how your own feelings, worries and experiences might impact how you respond to your child's school struggles. Focus on finding healthy ways to manage your anxiety, such as talking to a therapist or a friend. If you are concerned about your child, try to stay away from internet rabbit-holes and reach out to learning professionals or your child's teachers instead. Be careful not to talk about your concerns within earshot of your child.

Above all, the goal should be to help your child feel as comfortable, competent and happy as possible when it comes to learning. Fostering a love of learning early on can help kids with learning issues feel more confident when and if challenges do arise.

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How to Support Young Kids Who Are Struggling in School - Child Mind Institute

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Even at an early age, the fallout from learning difficulties - frustration, embarrassment, a sense of being different than their peers - can damage kids' confidence. As a parent, it's hard to watch your child struggle, and knowing how to help isn't always easy. But there are things parents can do.

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There's no one right way to raise a child, and sometimes parenting a baby, toddler or preschooler can be a challenge. You don't need to be perfect. To help you do the best you can, here's some parent resources for supporting your child's healthy development and learning.

For tools and information in Spanish, visit Recursos en Español >

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Parenting is hard, but no one is perfect. To help, First Things First provides parent resources for supporting your child's healthy growth.

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The National Child Traumatic Stress Network

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Parents and caregivers play an essential role in helping children and teenagers recover from traumatic events. These resources are for parents, adoptive parents, resource/foster parents, grandparents, caregivers, and all others who care for children and teens.

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What's a teacher to do when difficult experiences in early childhood prevent children from entering kindergarten with the executive functions they need?
In the fall of 2015, a front-page story in the New York Times reported on the challenge a kindergarten teacher in Brooklyn faced in dealing with a difficult new student (Taylor, 2015). From the time the six-year-old girl started kindergarten, she "struggled to adjust to its strict rules. She racked up demerits for not following directions or not keeping her hands folded in her lap. Sometimes, after being chastised, she threw tantrums. She was repeatedly suspended for screaming, throwing pencils, running away from school staff members or refusing to go to another classroom for a time-out."

Many kindergarten teachers have had similar experiences with children who simply don't seem ready for kindergarten. But they may not understand the complex developmental processes that can contribute to the troublesome, and no doubt disruptive, behaviors this child exhibited. How do social and biological factors interact to affect children's behavior, and what are the brain structures and functions involved?
Is disruptive behavior willful?
Salvatore Terrasi and Patricia Crain de Galarce (2017) have described how important it is for teachers to understand the potential impact of childhood emotional trauma on classroom behavior. They suggest that "teachers who are unaware of the dynamics of complex trauma can easily mistake its manifestations as willful disobedience, defiance, or inattention, leading them to respond to it as though it were mere 'misbehavior'" (p. 36). The child in the New York Times story does not appear to be exerting conscious control when responding to the teacher defiantly. She was more likely responding to emotional impulses she did not have the capacity to control.

The girl was the child of a single mother living in a low-income neighborhood in Brooklyn. Children from low-income communities who live in single-parent households are at greater risk of exhibiting these types of disruptive behaviors when entering kindergarten. As Clancy Blair and C. Cybele Raver (2015) explain, "The neurocognitive and social emotional skills integral to self-regulation undergird early learning and are likely to be compromised for children growing up in poverty and other adverse circumstances" (p. 713).

What might have impaired this six-year-old's emotional self-regulation and, as a consequence, impeded her capacity to develop the basic skills expected of most kindergartners? What should teachers know about the possible underlying causes of a child's lack of self-control? If early emotional trauma has affected a child's neural development, what steps can educators take to provide a learning environment that will enhance that development?
The importance of executive function in school readiness
Research in psychology and neuroscience has provided an increasingly clear answer to these questions. The central issue is the extent to which children have been able to develop executive function (EF) before starting kindergarten. EF includes three principal components:

Inhibitory control - the capacity to inhibit or regulate strong emotional or impulsive behavioral responses voluntarily;

Cognitive flexibility - the ability to think about multiple concepts simultaneously or to switch quickly between concepts;

Working memory - the ability to hold new information in the mind, process it, and store it as a learned memory.

Together these capacities enable children to exert conscious control over their behavior to achieve a goal.

A report published by the U.S. Department of Education defined EF skills as:

the attention-regulation skills that make it possible to sustain attention, keep goals and information in mind, refrain from responding immediately, resist distraction, tolerate frustration, consider the consequences of different behaviors, reflect on past experiences, and plan for the future. (Zelazo, Blair, & Willoughby, 2016, p. 1)

It seems clear that this six-year-old had not yet developed an adequate level of EF for the classroom. It also seems apparent that the teacher had dealt with similar children before. A report published by the Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University (2011) indicated that:

It is often within the group setting of a classroom and the demands of schoolwork that delays or deficits in the development of age-expected executive function skills are first noted. Teachers identify problems with paying attention, managing emotions, completing tasks, and communicating wants and needs verbally as major determinants of whether a child is ready to succeed in the school setting . . . Scientists who study executive function skills refer to them as the biological foundation for school readiness. (pp. 3-4)

While it is neither unusual nor unexpected for a three-year-old child to have an emotional tantrum, it is expected that five-year-old children entering kindergarten will have gained the capacity to control their emotional impulses and avoid tantrums.

It is important for teachers, especially those in the early elementary years, to understand how the development of EF reflects an underlying biological process. As with other biological processes (for example, the development of language), children often develop their capacities at different rates. While it is neither unusual nor unexpected for a three-year-old child to have an emotional tantrum, it is expected that five-year-old children entering kindergarten will have gained the capacity to control their emotional impulses and avoid tantrums.
The neural basis of executive function
The development of EF proceeds relatively slowly from birth through age three and then accelerates rapidly between ages three and six. Figure 1 shows the average or modal (most common) developmental pattern. In some children, the development curve will be shifted to the left, with more rapid development. In other children, it will be shifted to the right, with delayed development.

To appreciate the neurobiological processes underlying this development, it is important to have a basic understanding of brain structure and the neural connections among different regions of the brain, as illustrated in Figure 2.

The front part of the brain, or the prefrontal cortex (PFC), is where many different components of memory are stored. For example, when we were children, we first learned the concept of "2 plus 2 equals 4." If I were to ask you, "What is 2 plus 2?" you would rapidly respond "4." In doing so, you would not actually have performed a mathematical computation. You would simply have retrieved the conceptual memory stored since childhood in the PFC.

This process - of taking new bits of information and storing them in the PFC as memory - is largely under the control of the hippocampus, which sits at the bottom, central portion of the brain. The better our hippocampus works, the better it is able to store new memories and associations in the PFC. This process involves creating multiple nerve connections (or axonal connections) from the hippocampus, looping up and over the central portions of the brain to the PFC.

A second form of memory follows a similar pathway. These are the emotional memories we have stored - and which we often recall unconsciously. Many of these memories come from early childhood. Some are positive memories of the warmth and security derived from a caring parent or other adult figure. Some are negative, reflecting the fear or anger of feeling threatened or experiencing punishment or abuse. These memories are transmitted through the amygdala to a separate area of the frontal cortex referred to as the orbital frontal cortex (OFC), shown in Figure 2 at the base of the frontal cortex.

If a child develops a feeling of intense anger in response to a stimulus, that anger may represent an emotional memory of an earlier experience stored in the OFC. The child may only have conscious control over their response to that memory if they have developed an adequate level of executive function. In severe cases, the stored emotional memory will be in response to a single incident that was so powerful it repeatedly disrupts normal interactions with others. This may represent post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). For example, Terrasi and de Galarce (2017) describe a case of PTSD in a 2nd-grade student who previously got along well with his friends and was succeeding in school but who, after witnessing his mother being hit in the arm by a stray bullet while they were walking together in their neighborhood, became "defiant with his teachers . . . often hiding under a desk, knocking things down, hitting other children, and running out of the classroom" (p. 35).

Not all negative emotions stored in the OFC that trigger emotional outbursts in children are of the type associated with PTSD. These emotions can also reflect the accumulation of chronic and recurrent stressful experiences during early development, especially if they are the result of toxic stress. According to the National Scientific Council on the Developing Child (2014):

Toxic stress refers to strong, frequent, or prolonged activation of the body's stress management system. Stressful events that are chronic, uncontrollable, and/or experienced without children having access to support from caring adults tend to provoke these types of toxic stress responses. Studies indicate that toxic stress can have an adverse impact on brain architecture. (p. 2)

Children growing up in poverty and in high-stress circumstances are at increased risk of developing these changes in brain architecture. Jack Shonkoff and his coauthors (2012) have reported that chronic toxic stress "is associated with hypertrophy and overactivity in the amygdala and orbitofrontal cortex, whereas comparable levels of adversity can lead to loss of neurons and neural connections in the hippocampus and medial PFC" (p. e236).

Chronic stress in early childhood not only results in an overly active amygdala-OFC response system, it can also result in delayed development of the hippocampus and reduced nerve connections between the hippocampus and the PFC. As Shonkoff and colleagues (2012) go on to explain:

The functional consequences of these structural changes include more anxiety related to both hyperactivation of the amygdala and less top-down control as a result of PFC atrophy as well as impaired memory and mood control as a consequence of hippocampal reduction. (p. e236)

Joan Luby and colleagues (2013) followed 145 children from age three through age six, assessing their emotional and behavioral development and examining data on their family circumstances. After the children were six years old, the authors administered an MRI brain scan to each child, measuring the size of their hippocampus, PFC, and the axonal nerve connections between them. Preliminary analysis found that children from families living in poverty tended to have a smaller, less-developed hippocampus with fewer axonal connections with the PFC. On further analysis, the authors determined that it wasn't poverty itself that was associated with a less-functional hippocampus. Rather, it was the presence of hostile parenting style, low levels of emotional support from parents, and repeated exposure to stressful life events.

Might the six-year-old girl who had such trouble controlling her emotional outbursts in the Brooklyn charter school be an example of the behavioral impacts of chronic, toxic levels of stress experienced during the period when most children are developing the neural capacity for EF? The Shonkoff report suggests that this may have been the case:

Hence, altered brain architecture in response to toxic stress in early childhood could explain, at least in part, the strong association between early adverse experiences and subsequent problems in the development of linguistic, cognitive, and social-emotional skills, all of which are inextricably intertwined in the wiring of the developing brain. (p. e236)
Teacher reactions to children's behavior
Ximena Portilla and colleagues (2014) followed an ethnically diverse sample of 338 five-year-old children through their first year of kindergarten. They assessed each child's level of inattention and impulsive behavior in class, as well as the teacher's perception of the level of teacher/student conflict the student's behavior caused. They found that (a) teachers reported having more conflictual relationships with children exhibiting repeated impulsive behavior and (b) greater levels of conflict perceived by the teacher were associated with decreases in school engagement on the part of the child, as well as reduced academic competence in 1st grade. The way a kindergarten teacher responds to a child who exhibits poor EF and disruptive behavior can have a powerful, negative impact on the child's own investment in the educational process.

The way a kindergarten teacher responds to a child who exhibits poor executive function and disruptive behavior can have a powerful, negative impact on the child's own investment in the educational process.

In the New York Times story, it does not appear that the kindergarten teacher understood the girl's disruptive behavior as the consequence of delayed neural development. The teacher appears to have seen the girl instead as a troublemaker who would continue to cause problems in class and, as a consequence, placed the girl's name on the school's "Got to go" list.

What if the teacher had instead offered the child the kinds of interpersonal and educational experiences that would have supported her development of executive function? The delay in hippocampal/PFC functioning that reduces a child's EF is not irreversible. The brains of children this age retain a high level of plasticity, meaning that the neural connections can still be altered. Children who enter kindergarten with delayed development of EF maintain the capacity for continued neural development and enhanced cognitive learning. The question is, who will provide the social and emotional support the child needs?
The importance of social and emotional learning
A growing consensus has identified formal instruction in social and emotional learning (SEL) as an essential component of both preschool and elementary education. Karen Bierman, Mark Greenberg, and Rachel Abenavoli (2017) define SEL as the process through which children "acquire and effectively apply the knowledge, attitudes, and skills necessary to understand and manage emotions, set and achieve positive goals, feel and show empathy for others, establish and maintain positive relationships, and make responsible decisions" (p. 1). The authors cite evidence that crucial social-emotional development typically occurs between the ages of three and six and that "Children growing up in poverty are particularly likely to show delays in the social-emotional and self-regulation skills needed for school success, due in part to their heightened levels of stress" (p. 4).

The Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning (CASEL) is a coalition of teachers, educational scholars, and nonprofit organizations with the shared goal of "promoting integrated academic, social, and emotional learning for all children in preschool through high school" (CASEL, 2017). This organization has developed useful resources for teachers who wish to promote SEL. Indeed, it's not enough for teachers to want to provide social-emotional support for students. They need support and training to do so. The Handbook of Social and Emotional Learning cites consistent evidence that effective forms of SEL "can be effectively delivered by teachers provided that they receive sufficient training, consultation, and support" (Weissberg et al., 2015, p. 13).
Understanding and managing delays
Children raised in highly stressful home or social circumstances are prone to delays in the normal development of executive function. It is essential that kindergarten teachers and other early childhood educators understand and appreciate that these delays can result in disruptive classroom behavior that does not reflect conscious, willful disobedience on the part of the child. Delays of this type are being successfully addressed through SEL programs. Educational administrators should ensure that teachers have the opportunity to become familiar with successful SEL programs and are provided the time and resources to incorporate these into the classroom, especially if the children entering their classrooms have been raised in highly stressful circumstances and, as a consequence, are not yet kindergarten-ready.
References
Bierman, K., Greenberg, M., & Abenavoli, R. (2017). Promoting social and emotional learning in preschool - Programs and practices that work. State College, PA: Pennsylvania State University, Edna Bennet Pierce Prevention Research Center.

Blair, C. & Raver, C.C. (2015). School readiness and self-regulation: A developmental psychological approach. Annual Review of Psychology, 66, 711-731.

Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University. (2011). Building the brain's "air traffic control" system: How early experiences shape the development of executive function: Working paper No. 11. Cambridge, MA: Author.

Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning (CASEL). (2017). About CASEL. www.casel.org/about-2

Luby, J., Belden, A., Botteron, K., Marrus, N., Harms, M.P., Babb, C., . . . Barch, D. (2013). The effects of poverty on childhood brain development: The mediating effect of caregiving and stressful life events. JAMA Pediatrics, 167 (12), 1135-1142.

National Scientific Council on the Developing Child. (2014). Excessive stress disrupts the architecture of the developing brain: Working paper 3. Updated Edition. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University, Center on the Developing Child.

Portilla, X.A., Ballard, P.J., Adler, N.E., Boyce, W.T., & Obradovi, J. (2014). An integrative view of school functioning: Transactions between self-regulation, school engagement, and teacher-child relationship quality. Child Development, 85 (5), 1915-1931.

Shonkoff, J.P., Garner, A.S., the Committee on Psychosocial Aspects of Child and Family Health, Committee on Early Childhood, Adoption, and Dependent Care, and Section on Developments and Behavioral Pediatrics, Siegel, B.S., Dobbins, M.I., . . . Wood, D.L. (2012). The lifelong effects of early childhood adversity and toxic stress. Pediatrics, 129 (1): e232-e246.

Taylor, K. (2015, October 29). At a Success Academy charter school, singling out pupils who have "got to go." The New York Times.

Terrasi, S. & de Galarce, P.C. (2017). Trauma and learning in America's classrooms. Phi Delta Kappan, 98 (6), 35-41.

Weissberg, R.P., Durlak, J.A., Domitrovich, C.E., & Gullotta, T.P. (2015). Social and emotional learning: Past, present, and future. In J.A. Durlak, C.E. Domitrovich, R.P. Weissberg, & T.P. Gullotta (Eds.), Handbook of social and emotional learning: Research and practice. New York, NY: Guilford Press.

Zelazo, P.D., Blair, C.B., & Willoughby, M.T. (2016). Executive function: Implications for education. Washington, DC: U.S. Department of Education, Institute of Education Sciences, National Center for Education Research.

Originally published in March 2018 Phi Delta Kappan 99 (6), 39-44. © 2018 Phi Delta Kappa International. All rights reserved.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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When trauma hinders learning - Kappan Online

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What's a teacher to do when difficult experiences in early childhood prevent children from entering kindergarten with the executive functions they need? In the fall of 2015, a front-page story in the New York Times reported on the challenge a kindergarten teacher in Brooklyn faced in dealing with a difficult new student (Taylor, 2015).

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How childhood trauma affects health across a lifetime | Nadine Burke Harris | TED

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Elmo Manages New Emotions with "I Notice, I Feel, I Can" | Emotional Well-Being

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Understanding Emotions: Mastering The Zones Of Regulation

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What Is Mindfulness? | The Mindfulness Toolkit

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How Every Child Can Thrive by Five | Molly Wright | TED