# data[].attributes.body
Negative Experience: I had the worst learning experience ever in my AP World History class in high school. It was my first AP class and as a sophomore I had never learned how to read college level writing, let alone understand it. My teacher  had a very straightforward approach to teaching, the students read the book and she would lecture about the topic the next day. I struggled with understanding the textbook and consistently asked questions in class and asked for help independently after class to see what I could do to make reading easier for me and her answer was always "just read the book" or "you would know this if you read" or "I can't help you if you don't know how to read well". It was super frustrating because I had never struggled with reading and analyzing text before and I tried reaching out for help like everyone told me and was still shut down. She  did not offer any group work in class, did not allow us to choose any topics we wanted to write about, did not provide useful feedback, and did not offer students multiple ways of presenting information. You had to sit and listen to her speak, and then write papers on the subject she spoke about. It was mind melting and extremely defeating, and ruined any interest I held in learning about World History at a deep level.

Positive Experience: My senior year of high school I had an amazing AP Psychology teacher. He always offered different ways of engaging the students, allowing us to take control of our education and how we wanted to learn. He would use videos, lectures, songs, and act out concepts, and would always offer to go over anything we missed in class after school if we needed him to. When turning in our work he would have us turn it in to him to get feedback first, and then once we looked at the feedback would give us a choice to modify our work or leave it as is to be graded. This feedback was always super helpful and helped me critically analyze my own thought processes. The difference between him and my AP World History teacher was like light and day, and to this day Psychology is still one of my favorite subjects to learn about because he taught it so well.

# data[].attributes.body
Negative Experience: I remember taking American History in the eighth grade. When we were going over slavery, my teacher thought it was a good idea to have us reenact what went on in the ships during the transatlantic slave trade. He made us sit packed together in the shape of a ship for ten or twenty minutes to "get a taste" of how harsh the slave trade was. I understand that he was trying to be creative in his approach to teaching, but as a Black student I felt so uncomfortable and humiliated to participate. It was completely unnecessary and careless to me.

Positive Experience: My first grade teacher was one of the best teachers I ever had in my life. She was also one of the best science teachers I ever had in my life. She would make learning about science in the first grade so much fun by bringing in different animals and insects to the classroom. I'm not sure PETA would approve, but I felt that by bringing in different animals and insects to teach us about the environment, lifecycles and inquiry was pretty dope.

# data[].attributes.body
Reflect on a bad learning experience. What guidelines were addressed and not addressed?

It's pretty wild that I have a hard time reflecting on a  bad learning experience. I have heard that it is common to remember bad memories more than good ones but idk if that is the case for me. I know I had some teachers in k-12 who did not implement all UDL practices but I do feel like at a minimum most reminded me of my goals and taught the foundational pieces of that grade. Though I often felt lonely and self conscious, I knew I was a part of a learning community.

As I reflect more, I find myself thinking about how different my k-12 public school education was vs. my college experience.  Going into college, I was super excited to dive deeper into a learning community "where professors know your name."  I had just left my wonderful k-12 experience in San Lorenzo Unified and expected college to be even more special. Where we all sat in circles and engaged in authentic dialogue around what we were experiencing everyday and why and what has led us to the identities we had at the time.  Though there was some of that, I was sad to graduate college feeling like many professors did not utilize UDH practices. I was given choice in my areas of study but often felt like when choosing topics not normally seen, my engagement with other students and professors suffered.  I felt like often I was being taught what a professor multiple generations removed from myself thought was best for me to know, not what I felt was relevant to my past, present or future. My classroom environments didn't have enough distractions. I was often in small rooms with blank walls and terrible florescent lighting. I felt challenged but not in ways that motivated me to learn more, rather had me working to just to complete assignments. There was little group work that fostered collaboration and community. Feedback was usually surface level and left me with no guidance of personal reflection. I do not recommend studying communication at University of the pacific lol

# data[].attributes.body
Negative Experience:
In the second grade I vividly remember for Language Arts, my teacher would have a large chart that showed how many book pages we read for each week. She would rank us from #1 being at the top (meaning they read the most pages) and #28 being at the bottom (meaning they read the least amount of pages). I remember I would always be at the bottom becase I wasn't fully able to read and comprehend English fluently yet. My teacher would always praise the top 3 students in front of the rest of the class every Friday and I always felt so shamed and not good enough.

Positive Experience:
In the sixth grade, I struggled really hard in Social Studies. My teacher noticed and asked me why I was struggling and I told her I found the subject boring and the textbook hard for me to read. She then started making her lessons interactive and engaging by fostering community learning in the classroom with my peers. It was very fun and I had a great time learning about the content because I got to socialize and learn.

# data[].attributes.body
Bad Learning Experience Reflection:
One of the worst learning experiences I have ever witnessed happened while working alongside a veteran teacher who had given up on the children. She had another job (which appeared to be the more important job of the two) and she was also eagerly looking forward to retirement. Over time, this teacher developed a strong aversion for the school district, school, students' parents, and students. She arrived nearly every school day with one thing in mind: the end of the day--and it was obvious. She was impatient while working with the students and often failed to implement UDL guidelines. "Engagement" was misdirected, bribing students with candy and gift cards in a failed effort to create interest in curriculum. "Representation" was lackluster, with "I don't have enough time" often being the excuse. Multiple means of representation of the curriculum was a rarity. Lastly, the teacher almost never allowed for students to actively express what they were learning. This teacher was more interested in teaching than she was in the students learning, and she almost never gave opportunity for students to express what they were learning.

Positive Learning Experience Reflection:
One of the best learning experiences happened while being enrolled in Nives' Arts Integration class. Nives does a wonderful job of applying the UDL approach. For "Engagement" Nives allows for students to engage in a variety of ways (face-to-face, in her dance workshop) and online (in class). In the application of "Representation", Nives provides opportunity to engage with visual arts, songs, dance, and readings. "Action and Expression" are utilized by providing feedback to curriculum material in class.

# data[].attributes.body
Positive Learning Experience:
My best learning experiences have always been in classrooms that offer multiple ways of engaging with the material and with teachers that tend to focus on big picture goals for learning rather than honed-in details for every assignment. An example for that second part would be my English class junior year of high school. He always utilized open ended prompts and asked us to write a certain number of sentences about a reading. He didn't mark us off points for grammar, spelling, or handwriting, he just graded us on whether or not we wrote the amount of sentences we were supposed to. I found that because I didn't need to worry about grammar, spelling, or sounding "academic" I was able to write much more freely and really dig into my thoughts about the readings. Further, I have always learned better when I can see the connections between the material I'm learning about and actual events/phenomena in my life, or at the very least, connections between material in one academic subject to another.

Negative Learning Experience:
My worst learning experience was when I was a junior at UCSC during my first quarter there as a transfer student. My first upper division history class was taught by a very new professor, who very much taught in the classic lecture-only style. We were not given opportunities to talk to peers in class, only in discussion sections, and 100% of our class time was spent with the professor talking at us. He would pause and ask a question occasionally, but usually one that could be answered with a discrete fact and then he would just move on. The class was very structured, very rigid, inflexible, and lifeless. You could tell most people there did not want to be there. We were graded on very few assignments, so if you messed one up it nearly sunk your grade just on its own. The reading we were given was very dense and written in such an inaccessible, overly-academic style. It had little connection to our daily lives or to other subjects. Everything in this class felt disconnected, cold, and sterile.

# data[].attributes.body
Positive Learning Experience:
I enjoyed my social science/history classes for the most part.  I felt that teachers offered multiple methods of engagement.  I was often given the choice of projects to create, as well as choice of partners for group work.  I found that there was a lot of room for creativity, which made these social science/history topics invigorating to learn!  These classes also provided many modes for representation.  I remember teachers providing visuals, videos, and hands-on demonstrations/games to introduce new concepts.  These classes also offered various levels of action and expression for the most part.  Often, I found that these classes had guidelines of what teachers expected from us in our final projects or presentations.  However, we were given a variety of options of how we could present our material.

Negative Learning Experience:
I had negative learning experiences in the realm of math classes. There were limited modes of engagement. Teachers placed us into math work groups, where we would take group tests and learn class material together. However, these math groups made it easy for some members to feel ostracized because of poor collaboration skills amongst students. In terms of representation, math teachers often used the white board or the overhead projector to teach us new math concepts. There was often confusion between the steps of math problems, yet the teachers still continued to teach new material amidst the confusion. In terms of action/expression, we proved our understanding of the material by test-taking. It was a very cut-and-dried approach to teaching math.

# data[].attributes.headline
Padlet Post #2- A bad learning experience :( 

# data[].attributes.subject
Padlet Post #2- A bad learning experience :( 

# data[].attributes.body
Positive Experiences:
My Spanish classes in high school were by far the classes that I enjoyed the most. The class was largely a project based class where we would sometimes do group work or other times do individual work. But more specifically what I loved about this class that the teacher encouraged the students to creatively express themselves and choose what in what way we demonstrated our knowledge. I was able to create visual art and write poems which further allowed me to make connections with the material with my personal lived experiences. I also remember creating videos and "movies" to explore the books that we would read in class. I always really had fun doing these projects because I had more of a choice to create meaning in a form that was more meaning to me. Also I remember when we did have to do essays to analyze the books we would read, the teacher would offer us a few different prompts to choose from. I found this further allowed me to engage specifically with what interested me about the book.

Negative Experiences:
To be honest I feel like my math and science classes form some of my worst experiences because I have always struggled in those subjects. Growing up I felt like I was the problem because I was the one who did not understand or could not keep up. Therefore when I would step into those classes I would be very unmotivated. I also felt alienated because when the teachers would teach those subjects they did not really try to connect the subject matter with our real lives. Instead the material was mainly presented through text books which made it harder for me to understand. I remember specifically my Chemistry course, the teacher (white older man) would not really teach us or at least try to do lectures. Honestly it felt like the teacher had given up on us and because the majority of the class was Latinx, I felt like the teacher did not want to waste their time because we were "a lost cause." Therefore for the majority of the period the teacher would just sit in their desk and look at their computer. Without any instructional support from the teacher, the text book was my main source of trying to learn. This further led to me feeling more alienated from the sciences and not fully comfortable within that subject. Also because the teacher had given up on us, it made me give up on myself when it came to science.

# data[].attributes.body
positive experience

One of my middle school science teachers was very passionate in implementing experiments in every science class. I don’t clearly remember her providing the engagement of UDL, but I remember she always tried to present a couple different representations of learning materials. Even though there was one way to show our understanding in one way(writing in essay format), I was just excited to write what I saw and learned during the experiments. She tied the lessons to our daily life whenever possible such as blood type experiment and body fat burning experiment! Seeing invisible things that happen inside of my body with my eyes was purely so exciting!

negative experience

My negative learning experience happened during one of my dance classes. My teacher made us students make creative dance for one of the class projects. But she didn’t give us the opportunity to explore the reason why I was doing it, and what I would learn out it. She gave only brief verbal direction of what classmates and I were supposed to do at the end of one lesson. I remember even that brief direction was very confusing, so all of us were not sure what we were supposed to do and what was expected from us. In addition, there was no provided example such as projects done by previous years and no rubric was provided. Given that it was a dance class, I understand that I couldn't have any alternative option to show my understanding and learning for the class other than create the plot and movements. What made the whole situation worse was that we(I) learned completely different types of dances throughout the semester and we were expected to work on creative dance that we(I) had no knowledge of.

# data[].attributes.body
My name is Antonio Burnette, and I was born and raised (for the greater majority of my life) in Oakland, California. I am the eldest child of three, raised by a single mother and grandparents. During my childhood, my family moved living spaces quite frequently, which oftentimes led to me needing to transfer schools. As a result, I attended more than 10 schools (public and private) in the East Bay, before graduating High School. These schools consisted of predominantly white, black and latinx students. Transition was often, with adaptability always being necessary. As an Afro-Latino, I was too black for the latinxs and too latinx for the blacks. Among white students, I stood out like a fly in milk...a true anomaly.

Identities:

Due to constant displacement in my early schooling years, I learned to adapt to varying ethnic group norms. Sometimes my classmates were predominantly latinx; sometimes my classmates were predominantly white; sometimes my classmates were a majority black...but one plus one was always two. I quickly learned to make friends with my education, as it was one of the few consistencies of that time.

I had a partial enjoyment for mathematics. I developed a deep appreciation for literature; literature is the place where my imagination extended beyond every galaxy.

Continuing in my educational journey, I also developed a passion for sports, and even integrated sports with education. I was somewhat coordinated on the playing field(s), which eventually fed my confidence for classroom participation. I, undeservingly, acquired the title "athlete".

Preferring to work/learn alone, I almost always dreaded [past tense] working in groups.

# data[].attributes.body
Fairly early on in my life I realized that math and science were more difficult for me than english or history. As I think a lot of kids tend to do, I began to identify as being an english/history person as opposed to a math person.  I figured math and science were things I didn’t need to be good at because I was good at other things. I did a similar thing with the arts, I decided early on that I wasn’t a creative person and pretty much shut that side of myself. I always did alright in school, I didn’t necessarily excel but I never failed anything. My brothers usually failed a few things, so me not failing at any school subjects was good enough for my parents and I didn’t push myself too much. I really just considered myself an average student. I always liked history but I didn’t have any particular subject that I excelled in.

Coming from a privileged middle class position, I didn’t have very much to worry about when it came to school. My perspective was the one already “normed” at school. I always had a sense that I would be fine at school and at life in general. I would always do well enough to stay out of trouble and hopefully go to college. I think this is also another reflection of my privileged position, I didn’t have to work to support myself or my family, I knew that I would be fine after high school, and I considered K-12 schooling just another thing I had to do. I didn’t realize the false neutrality of schooling or the inequity of the education system until I started studying education at UC Santa Cruz as an undergrad. Going to schools that mirrored my own privilege (and often ignorance) for K-12 led to me not really having to question my identity because it was almost always treated as "standard".

# data[].attributes.body
My intersectional identities as an immigrant, Filipina American, first-generation, non-traditional, low-income, transfer student have shaped my entire learning and educational experience since before I can even remember.

I arrived in the United States in 1996 as a young child with my mom and my sister. We ended up living with 8 of my relatives in a small little two-bedroom apartment in the Mission District in San Francisco. I grew up on a notorious street called Capp St, known for its poverty, drug use, and prostitution-- but to me, it was my first home in the United States. Knowing the area was not the best, my mom sent me to an elementary school 45 minutes to an hour away from our apartment on the other side of SF because she thought we would receive a "better" education in a school that was not in the mission.

At school, administrators and teachers told my mom that it would be best for me to only speak English at home so that I could "catch up" with my peers at school. I honestly do not remember my transition from only being able to speak Tagalog, to me only being able to speak English. All I remember is that I was extremely obedient, respectful, and listened to what my teachers said. I definitely wish I had more agency as a child and that I could still speak Tagalog.

Fast forward to high school graduation and I was labelled as "being smart" and "college-bound" because I was good at following directions. Once I started university in 2011, I found that I could not keep up with the demands of college. I lacked basic necessities such as a laptop and materials. I did not know how to navigate the university system at all. I was put onto academic probation twice for having a GPA under 2.0. I ended up dropping out of SFSU in 2013 and going to a community college. There, I found a community of people I could truly rely on and help me navigate school. They taught me how to properly study and find available resources. I took a short break before I transferred to another university because of money. I worked as a waitress for about 3 years to save up (barely) enough to finish my undergrad degree. I eventually ended up transferring to Sac State in Fall 2019 and finished just this May!

It took me over 10 years to finish my Bachelor's Degree and I do not regret it. I do wish I had more guidance through university straight out of high school, but neither of my parents or any of my family members ever went to university so, as the eldest child, it was up to me to figure it out. Luckily, I never felt alone in my journey. I realized I do best when I am in community with others. At community college and at Sac State, I had a supportive network of peers, family, friends, and mentors to help guide me in different ways.

My intersecting identities has allowed me to be in community with many different people throughout my educational journey. It has grounded and shaped me to become the learner I am today.

Click on the link for pictures!

https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/13bcJPLuUtwnuFszVBdZRa0p6jYDLZFuK228Dnq8VL_g/edit?usp=sharing

# data[].attributes.body
When I think of my identity as a learner, I really think back to the years I spent in the public education system.  I grew up in a suburb in the bay area, Pleasanton, throughout my K-12 experience.  Generally, the student population was moderately diverse, with white and Asian majority.  However, I felt that the schooling system perpetuated Eurocentric values and ideas, and it was difficult to find my place as an Asian-American student at certain times.  I remember elementary teachers used to praise me for being a good student and being quiet in class, which made it difficult for me to transition into engaging in classroom conversations.  Classroom engagement was a skill I eventually learned on my own, but I remember wishing that my elementary teachers would encourage more inquisitive and curious behavior.

I grew up with my grandparents when I was younger, because my mom worked during the day.  In my family's Chinese culture, we believe in always staying connected with our extended family and elders—with emphasis in respecting our elders and their wisdom.  So till this day, I'm very close to my grandparents, and they are the ones I go to a lot of the time for guidance and advice. And since my mom is a single-parent, she has been working really hard to ensure that both my younger brother and I would receive the best education and opportunities.  This has influenced my mindset to education, in which I have always tried my best to make my family proud.  However, this might not be the most healthy mindset, because it has led me to hold such high expectations and not be forgiving to myself when things don't go according to plan.

I would describe myself as a visual learner.  In the past, graphics, pictures, and videos really helped when studying topics I didn't have as much confidence in.  I also have a creative mindset, since I've grown up listening to and playing music.  So when music intertwines with educational topics, it really helps ingrain information into my memory.  I hope that I can one day incorporate a creative teaching model that allows for student engagement and excitement in the classroom!

# data[].attributes.body
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1ibVZW95ZAPspkfvQ0JnZBx9sSugoH-KR/view?usp=sharing

I am looking forward to being able to better articulate my identity and intersectionalities. This video will be a great example for me of how much I have grown when the program comes to an end.

# data[].attributes.body
I grew up in the New York City Public School system, a white, middle-class student amongst a racial and economically diverse peer group. My mom worked (well still works!) at the elementary school I went to as an occupational therapist, so I felt very connected and comfortable to my school community and to my teachers at a young age. The Brooklyn New School valued community, the arts, and supported students in learning through inquiry-based, student-centered projects.

I was eager and excited to learn, “well behaved” (terrified of being “in trouble”), and overall did well in school. I had a fixed mindset when it came to math and spelling, and learned best kinesthetically through hands-on learning opportunities. Through middle school and high school as the work became more "traditional," I participated a lot in school but in my assignments, I usually worked as hard as I needed to but didn’t necessarily go beyond that. In particular when the work felt challenging to me and I wasn't sure how to navigate it. My mom was always proud of the work I did, I think in part because my younger brother struggled a lot with school so much of her focus as a single mother was on his learning. Reflecting now, I think that I was able to succeed in this approach and still appear to be a “good student” taking AP classes and such because my whiteness allowed me to appear as one.

When graduated and went to a Liberal Arts College in upstate New York, I was almost shocked by the whiteness, and I began to realize how much my perspective had been influenced by the diversity of my peers. It was also in that time that I began to understand what it meant to be white in that community, and the advantages I had as a K-12 student in that system.

# data[].attributes.body
I grew up in majority white, well-resourced schools as a white, well-resourced student. Though I was a "late bloomer" and experienced bullying, after 2nd grade, elementary school was a magical place for me. I went to a "progressive" school that was already implementing principles of UDL and arts integration in the 90s. Learning was fun! We were often given projects where we became the "experts" on a topic and allowed to communicate that expertise in varied ways -- exactly what I needed. Parents would often come into the classroom to share their some aspect of themselves -- holidays, food, skills, immigration stories. I still have real affection for my time there, though the idea of a politically-engaged, progressive school (as they tout themselves) that is private and well beyond the means of most Angelenos is deeply problematic to me now.
I come from a Jewish family where education has been "our pathway" for generations (including some really beautiful stories about women learning to read in secret in the shtetl), and my generation was the first with real access to resources, so expectations within my family were high. When it came time for middle and high school, my parents thought I would thrive in a more "academically intense" environment, and I transferred to the kind of cut-throat prep school the NY Times writes exposés about. The education was "excellent," the resources vast, the environment extremely competitive, with an out-sized focus on getting into the perfect college, starting in the 7th grade. At this school, perfection was expected, and competition amongst students was, in many ways, encouraged. Though this environment fed an already present anxiety disorder and OCD in unhealthy ways, making me physically ill from stress on multiple occasions, my identity as a white student with means was always normalized, and I conformed to be the kind of learner they encouraged me to be: grade-focused, in need of external validation, and locked into the mindset that this was education at its finest, and my peers were the best of the best. The school motto was "They can because they think they can" -- as in, not because their parents are connected, not because they are exceedingly privileged with nearly nothing in their way, but because "they think they can."  Feeding the privileged few the idea that all one needs to do is "work hard" to succeed while totally undermining the experiences of the vast majority of people who work much harder with fewer resources and struggle to get by because society is built to continually feed the privileged with further opportunity is problematic, destructive and horrifically classist, racist, ableist, and sexist. I have done a lot of unlearning regarding the unhealthy mentalities instilled, and I've got more to go.

# data[].attributes.body
As I reflect on my identity as a learner in my schooling experience a few words come to mind; child of immigrants, Persian, and striving for excellence.

Since both my parents went to school in Iran before having to leave during the Iranian revolution, me and my sisters were the first in our family to tackle the American education system. This meant that they were not as familiar with the ins and outs of American schooling, and were unaware of many ‘norms’ that were held in my school district in a predominantly white suburb outside of Los Angeles.

Growing up in a community that had little diversity, I noticed at a young age that my identity as a Persian was often times pushed away. There were many cultural practices that my peers and teachers would perpetuate and highlight, which often made me feel like an outsider. After reflecting on my schooling, I could see that there were times where I would try to conform to the white standard and attempt to push away my cultural background.

I believe that as a first generation American and Persian, I felt the need to push myself to be the best in my class. I was always a ‘well behaved' student that never got into trouble. I would sign up to be put into APs and honor classes whenever I could. I strived to do my best in my classes and from K-10 that was never really a problem. However, as I got into 11th and 12th grade, it became more clear that I may have been pushing myself beyond my means. I would still strive for excellence, but it felt like no matter how much effort I would put into my classes I would not do as well as my peers. This is something that I would try to ignore until my second year in my undergraduate studies, where it got to a point I could not ignore. From then, I would still strive for excellence, but I learned to push myself in things I enjoyed doing.

# data[].attributes.body
When I have to think about my identity as a learner within the educational system I immediately think about myself as a 1st generation student coming from undocumented parents from Mexico and from a low income community. I think because I was first generation and because I grew up listening to all of my parents stories about the hardships they had to endure, it made me very hyper aware about the significance of school. But most specifically, it made me feel like there was a heavy weight on me to "do good in school" because I could not let my family down and understood that one day I might have to provide for my family since I did grow up experiencing a lot of financial instability. Therefore, I had mature much faster and never really got to experience school as site of "play" or "fun" because I thought of school more as a way to take care of my family. Also I think because I had to "do good in school" and because my community was constructed as less than and not fully valued within my school, I did feel very insecure, unsafe, and afraid within the school. Hence I kept to myself and was always really scared to raise my hand because I thought that my voice did not matter and essentially I did not matter. Mainly because the school was not affirming my identity or my family.

In connection to this, I would also identify as an English learner and Spanish-speaking bilingual student. I learned English in 4th grade when my school no longer allowed Spanish instruction and all my classes became English-only. This was a major moment that affirmed within me that my identity and family was not being valued within the school. I remember learning that I should be ashamed of my language (and essentially my family) because it was something that was constructed as less than. This inflicted a lot of harm within me and led to me having a really difficult relationship with language because I had to assimilate and  learn a language that my mother would not be able to understand. Also as an English learner I remember being placed in a special education class just because I spoke Spanish and at the time I did not understand why they would just take me out of my class. But it was because as a Spanish speaking student I was constructed as being "deficient" and my language was the "problem."

It took me a really long time to be able to give language to my experience and affirm my own identity. It wasn't until I reached college and became a Chicanx Studies major where I understood the ways in which my community/culture/identity had been constructed as the "problem" that I needed to "overcome." More specifically I realized that I had internalized a narrative that any "accomplishments/achievements were despite of" my community/culture/identity but in reality it is because of my community/culture/identity and because of them I am who I am.

Also thought I should include this photo of me as a child (this photo was taken my first day of preschool).

# data[].attributes.body
Throughout my K-12 schooling, I was a white student at suburban schools. I always loved school and loved following directions, so school was a positive place for me. Perhaps in part because of my teachers' biases and my identity as a nerdy white girl, I had good relationships with my teachers--who were mostly female and white or Latinx. My elementary school, Fiesta Gardens, was a Spanish-English bilingual school, and the student body was white and Latinx in its majority. I’ve always felt privileged and grateful that I had the opportunity to become bilingual, and it has shaped everything from the extracurricular activities I participated in, to where I lived after college, to my choice to become an educator. I think a lot about the language loss and cultural loss that my family experienced when my paternal grandmother’s family came to LA from Mexico and she was pressured to assimilate. She no longer speaks Spanish and neither does my dad, so in some ways I have always thought of myself as learning the language for my family/ancestors. I really loved Fiesta Gardens, and I’m grateful that I had many Latinx teachers and classmates, and that we learned about diverse Latinx and Latin American cultures. It’s only now as an adult, with a greater understanding of equity, and with the experience of working at Fiesta Gardens, that I see the equity problems there. I’m trying to take with me both the joy and growth I felt at Fiesta Gardens along with my understanding of how schools can fall short as I continue with BE3!

# data[].attributes.body
Thinking of my identity as a learner the first things that came to mind were being Latina, specifically Mexican, bilingual, first-generation, low-income, and undocumented.

All of these identities worked with each other to create a student who would follow the rules and listen to authority figures without questioning them. I was always afraid of getting in trouble at school at the fear of disappointing my parents. As a family of immigrants I felt the pressure to succeed constantly. I came into my first classroom at the age of 6 knowing about 5 words of English, 3 of them being “My name is”. Being someone who did not know the language, I relied heavily on visuals in the classroom, and I still do to this day.

I don’t often realize how much being from a lower income family impacted my schooling but it meant that I did not have access to all the resources other students had. I was one of the first emerging multilingual students at my elementary school and was not given the support I needed for a while. My immigrant family did not know what the school was required to provide by law for me and the language was not accessible for them.

I think being a Latina student has impacted me as a learner because I did not see myself represented in my classroom until I was in college, and took elective courses. It made me feel like I didn’t belong constantly; which led to not wanting to try.

Once I got to college, I began exploring more of my own identities and therefore more of my identities as a learner. I came to understand that all of my personal identities do impact how I do in a class and that I can ask for what I need.

# data[].attributes.body
Background info : I went to all Korean-students schools with no one from different racial, ethnic groups from kindergarten to highschool. And both middle school and high school were all girls schools. Racially, ethnically and culturally, I grew up in a very homogenous environment.

An old Korean saying says, “Don’t step even on your teacher’s shadow.” It means respect your teacher (A LOT!!). This is not as emphasized as it used to be, yet teachers still hold a high status in Korean societal hierarchy to this day. Growing up, hearing adults’ advice such as “Listen to your teacher well.”, “Behave well at school.” and “Be polite to teachers.” subconsciously made me an obedient student and it was the only identity I had as a learner. In 12 years of schooling experiences, a few teachers were great and left a positive impact on my life. But others brought power to the student-teacher relationship, and oftentimes my peers and I became victims of that. Whatever they were saying was absolute rules in the classroom and if I (we) didn’t follow it even by mistake, then I was punished (corporal punishment or a red mark on our evaluation). Even when I knew I was completely right and voiced my opinion, I was silenced. One time, I was given a list of Chinese characters to write on a notebook as homework. I wrote every single character on the list and the next day I stood in line in front of his desk along with classmates to get checked. As the teacher was checking my homework, he said, “It seems like you skipped some of the words because you didn’t want to do the homework. I’m deducting points.” Just like that, he deducted my points without checking or comparing the list to my homework. This is only one example, but unfortunately these unpleasant memories compiled over the years. As a result, I became excessively fixated with being right and wrong in a learning environment and I didn’t raise my hand or answer questions unless I for sure knew the answers. I still have a hard time asking questions to teachers(professors) when I don’t understand their explanation or instruction regarding learning materials and assignments (or anything that happens in class!). Rather than trying to ask and being told, ‘What were you doing when I was explaining? You were distracted, weren’t you?’, it was mentally and emotionally easier not to ask, work on the homework as I understood and hope how I did the homework is what the teachers asked for. Even now it takes a lot of courage for me to voice my questions and concerns, and I mentally practice what I’m going to ask many times.

# data[].attributes.body
When I think of my identity as a student, these are some of the terms that come to mind.

First Generation Student

Being the first in my family to attend school in America plays a huge role in my identity as a student. As a child, I felt like I had to grow up too fast because my parents knew nothing about the schooling system here. I was often put into the role of a translator between my teachers and parents, when I didn’t even know what was going on most of the time. I felt really lost for a majority of my educational journey - not knowing who to turn to when I needed help. When I look back, it also makes me really proud of myself for all that I’ve gone through as a student.

Asian

I’m Asian-American. In Asian culture, education is something that is extremely valued, which in turns, creates a really toxic and competitive environment. As a child, I remember being heavily compared to my cousins during family gatherings. This put a lot of pressure on me to be the “perfect” student and really skewed my perception of myself when I didn’t meet those standards.

Low Income (+ “just average”)

One benefit of coming from a low-income family was getting free lunch (haha). I began to really notice the gap between socioeconomic statuses when high school began. While my peers were getting enrolled in private tutoring, coding classes, SAT prep, and other extracurriculars, I was left with whatever resource the school could provide me with. I had to work extra hard to achieve the same results as my peers, which meant dedicating most of my time to school work. I didn’t participate in many extracurriculars so I felt like I was nothing special (or “just average”), especially when I began to fill out applications for college.

English Language Learner

Cantonese is my first language. I learned English through  school and was a part of my school’s ELD (English Language Development) program up until 4th grade. Being bilingual plays a huge role in my identity as a student because it really shaped my participation and engagement in the classroom. Growing up, I was pretty insecure about speaking so I rarely spoke up, even though I had commentary/questions/thoughts to share. I was okay with "participating" silently in my mind. Even though I can speak English now, sometimes I still feel like I can’t fully express my deepest, inner thoughts into English words.

Here's a Google Doc link of this post if you would prefer to read it there!

# data[].attributes.body
As a learner I was very much the student who would sit, be quiet, and do whatever she was asked. I think this came from being the oldest child and feeling like it was my responsibility to be self-sufficient and not worry my parents about school/grades when they had two younger kids they had to worry about. I was also raised by my Nicaraguan grandmother when I first started school and she always told me to respect my elders and do what I was told so I think that also had a lot to do with it. I was always asked to help the students that were struggling but also never felt like I could reach out for help when struggling in fear of disappointing my teacher/parents. This mindset definitely harmed me in the long run as a learner because I always made myself struggle through things until I got frustrated and broke down when I could have had help and stressed a lot less in the long run. As a learner I was also very dependent on visuals/songs. I've always been a very creative person and struggled with auditory learning, something about being able to see what a person is saying just makes things click in my brain. Because of this my written notes are usually very colorful, and I try to add little drawings here and there to make connections to my thoughts and the text.  I also was raised by concert lovers and therefore always had music playing at home or in the car, and was always taught to listen about what the songs were talking about. I think that is why if there was a way to incorporate music into the topic I was learning I always would. It was only towards the end of high school and in college, when I was given more options on how to express my  thoughts, that I felt more comfortable being an advocate for myself in the classroom.