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It's typical story of an individual silently fighting her demons.

Hello, my story is not as interesting as the others but here it goes.

I am the typical eldest daughter of the family. At such a young age, alam ko na ang responsibilities ko whenever my parents are not at home. I also grew up with a tendency to control things and hide my real emotions para kasing bawal mag-express dahil kabastusan. But please, don't get me wrong. I have such a lovable family and I think I had a happy childhood.

Then pandemic came, okay lang noong una pero may sunod-sunod na incidents ang nangyari. Nariyan iyong more than twice naglandslide sa gilid ng bahay at bumigay ang riprap, the whole family got COVID, and the death of close friend.

Akala ko nalagpasan ko lahat ng ito. I was built that way eh. I was expected to be strong kasi ako ang Ate. Not until, my body felt reacted weirdly to a dog's bark and becoming to much aware of loud music. Iyong tipong everyday para akong nakaaabang kung magiging peaceful ba ang mga araw na halos di ako makatulog. I went through all of that for more than 3 mos. Hanggang sa di ko na kinaya, one morning when I opened our door at may maingay na music. Doon ko na sa wakas pinakawalan iyong emotions ko.

I am too overwhelmed with fear and unexplainable sadness. Dahil everytime may noise, parang gripo ung feelings ko tapos iiyak na lang dahil pakiramdam ko nalulunod ako at nakakulong ako sa sarili ko. Hindi ko siya naiintindihan noon. I still remember that one birthday of mine na wala akong ibang ginawa kung di ang umiyak. I was so sad pero hindi malaman kung ang lungkot-lungkot ko.

Sa sobrang desperate ko, I reached out some pyschologists (free). Some were dismissive-- which really hurt... But some helped me understand myself. Hindi lang pala physical injury ang trauma. It could be the accumulated bad events happened in our lives na hindi agad natin pino-proseso. Iyong vulnerability pala dapat expressed din iyon to release the emotions.

Up until now, I am still trying to overcome these noise triggers, madalas gusto ko tumakbo palayo sa bahay namin but i also feel guilty kasi bahay namin iyon, puno din iyon ng masasayang memories.

I am sharing this because I need an outlet. I want to break free from this cycle. So someone please help me...

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Tried my best sa acads pero not enough pa rin, as as grade 11 student na galing private naculture shock ako sa public sa city, sobrang unexpected ng mga nangyayari, ng mga tao and ang hirap mag adjust, specially hindi ako natutalist, sobrang slow ko hindi ko naiintindihan agad i need to read it multiple times. Laban lang kahit sobrang dissapointed ako sobra sa sarili this sem i dont have anyone to vent kaya im just gonna share my story i want to cry pero wala na rin namang bumabagsak na luha so i guess imma just keep this..

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Bata pa lang ako taliwas na gender ko sa norms of being born in a conservative family. I find myself having doubts and Identity crisis constantly every now and then. Nag start ako magkaroon ng jowa noong 8th grade ko at nalaman ng mader ko (shocks), cinonfront nya me at never ko inamin. Until noong nag break kami at nagmahal uli ako sa pangalawang jowa ko na madaming trust issues na binigay, dito na ako nag lantad at pinaglaban yung side ko. Aaminin ko ang sakit ng coming out story ko kasi ayaw nga ng family ko na may bakla sa family. So ayon, i felt lonely and anxious all the time. Sana kasi straight nalang ako.

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Nakakapagod, nakakasawa, nakakabagot, nakakastress. If only I can, I already did that. I wish I could just shout all my problems and all the feelings I hide inside my heart. Imagine 17 years old ka pa lang pero sobrang stressed kana. Actually 'di lang ngayon. Ever since I was born. Siguro pinanganak lang ako para maistress. Family, school, financial. Ako ba humiling nitong buhay na'to? Walang sawang problema na lang dumating sa pamilyang 'to. LAHAT NA LANG. IIYAK NANAMAN BA'KO? Hindi sapat yung iyak. Parang gusto ko na lang mamatay. I LOOKED HAPPY, BUT INSIDE I DON'T KNOW.

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I am more than a year living with HIV
I am still fighting for it and fighting for the rest of my life
I really want to he part of the advocate of HIV

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I felt brave noong nakabasa ako ng story dito tungkol sa isang girl na hinahawakan inappropriately ng person na gusto nya. Hindi pala nageequate sa consent ang ganon at na-validate ang nararamdaman ko. UP Fair last FEB 2023, nagpasama ako sa kaibigan ko na lalaki. Natapos ang fair ng almost 2 or 3 A.M. na and we both still didn't want to go home. He offered na mag-inom kami para palipasin oras and I agreed. Sabi ko, public space naman yung bar or pubs but then closed na mga pinuntahan namin. We are already friends for 2 years, going 3 kaya malaki ang tiwala ko sa kanya. Inaya nya ako to stay sa isang hotel room nalang since that is the case. Sabi nya, since ayaw ko pa raw umuwi, matulog na lang daw muna ako doon at gigisingin nya na lang ako. Pumayag ako because I thought of him as a very harmless friend, mabait kasi talaga. Hotel room, I opened a lot of vulnerabilities to him. How I hate being touched and how I avoided intimacy sa kama. Ang uncomfortable na ng pakiramdam ko kasi magkatabi na kami sa kama and I don't know how to say 'matutulog na ako' kasi feeling ko I owed him everything, mula pagsundo nya sa akin papuntang UP Fair hanggang sa pagbabayad nya ng room to stay at other stuff pa. He then started touching me and the rest is history. After that, I wanted to take a shower and everything felt uncomfortable. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, "akala ko kaibigan ko sya" kasi a friend will respect you and will never do that, a friend will ask. A friend will not manipulate things to have his or her own way. I thought after ng nangyari, he was very clever. Psychological in nature. I didn't notice right away. He ruined our friendship because he ruined my trust. Feeling ko ayun na lang ang tingin nya sa akin, object of desire. Object of his sexual thoughts. My idea of men ay unti-unti nang nasisira, natatakot na ako. I want to create a family pa naman. Pinupush ko sarili kong maniwala na gusto ko yung nangyari, ngayon pag nakakakita ako kahit picture lang ng hotel rooms with dim light I feel repulsive and physically sick. I didn't tell this to anyone, only here. Feeling ko sisisihin lang ako ng mundo kasi una, pumayag na ako makipaginuman, sumama pa ako sa hotel. Anong aasahan ko. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, sana may someone na katulad ko na mapagoopen up-an ko na maalam sa consent. Ang consent kasi ay di porket pagpayag sa ibang bagay, pagpayag na rin sa ibang konteksto. And not all people know about that.

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Let's cut to the chase: I contracted chlamydia from my second boyfriend kasi nilihim niya sa akin na nay symptoms siya.
It hurt me at first, pero naisip ko rin na ginusto kong mag-sex kami kaya sinisi ko rin ang sarili ko. I didn't pushed us to be tested before we became sexually intimate.

When I experienced symptoms sobrang abnormal ng nangyayari sa katawa ko.
Ako pa ba ito? Nandidiri ako sa sarili ko as if sobrang damaged na ako. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin at wala akong makausap, kahit parents ko. My boyfriend and I decided na problema namin ito kaya kailangan namin harapin.
So we did.

Una, we researched: dahil parehas kaming nangangapa sa dilim about sa sitwasyon namin, we researched locations and steps kung saan ang testing centers. We were unsatisfied with the results. This is where I saw the problem sa mga public testing centers. Oo, libre ang testing pero kulang sa accurate diagnosis at gamot. But it was a good start.

Ikalawa, nabiktima kami ng I wouldn't say fake but unprofessional venerial disease doctor: Our symptoms were worsening at nagiging suicidal na rin ako sa stress at anxiety. With our money, we went to the nearest "venerial disease doctor" na nakita namin sa area. Wrong move kasi misogynist-boomer, unprofessional, at over-priced siya. Here were shamed and made to feel like idiots kasi may STI kami. After lahat ng pamamahiya at unprofessionalism, hindi tumalab ang overpriced injection and medications niya. Hindi na kami bumalik dun.

Ikatlo, we tried again and looked for a legitimate clinic and we found one!- After a few weeks of searching, we found an experienced infections disease doctor. She was understanding and professional at all the testings were legit. I thought to myself "PUTA FINALLY!".
The process took us 6 months for us to be cleared from STI.

Lessons learned:
- Do your research, find the right doctor.
- Don't self medicate.
- Mahal magpagamot ng STI, kung gusto mo talagang gumaling prepare ka ng malaking pera.
- Hindi basta-basta ipagamot ang STI.
- May SPECIFIC at TAMANG PROSESO for each individual kaya trust your doctor.
- Always do sexual history sa new partner. Kung ayaw nila, red flag yan.
- GET TESTED (lalo na kapag new sexual partner)

- Para sa wala pang STI/STD: Sana maging warning ito para hindi ka matulad sa amin.
- Para sa may STI/STD: Kailangan natin maging matapang kahit feeling natin nakakahiya o wala ng pag-asa kasi GAGALING KA SA TAMANG DOCTOR AT SA TAMANG PARAAN.

Salamat sa RH care info.
Favorite site ko kayo, you inspired me to be open and brave to share my experience.
Sa society na taboo ang sexual health, you are making a big difference.

P.S.
- Kami pa rin ng boyfriend ko and we became stronger sa challenge na ito.
- When I become a professional I would advocate for sexual health and wellness too! Sa ngayon small scale lang muna hehe.

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Hi Secret,

I’m so sorry to hear about what you’ve gone through as a child. I'm 23 now, and if I could change anything about my teenage/college years, I would have spoken out more about the sexual harassment I got from strangers. If my best friend had told me she was going through the same things, I would’ve told her to speak out as well.

I know that it’s a lot easier said than done for reporting family member’s, but I think for you, more than enough time has passed. I’m a notorious people pleaser myself who used to think if I kept quiet even about these things to maintain some sort of peace and order in the world, everything would be just fine. It wasn’t until I learned more and more about VAWC and GBV that I found out that my silence could serve as a threat to the rest of quiet people like me everywhere — those perpetrators I’ve let go without due consequences could well have continued doing these things to others.

Your cousin is older now too. If he can’t accept this kind of justice, that’s his problem. If, for some reason, the rest of your family sides with him, that’s their problem. Those who stay and support you are those who will matter to you in the long run (and easily this you can keep on your wedding guest list haha). And if by the off chance your family and the rest of the world seems to turn against you, you’ve got a whole community of victim-survivors and fellow advocates out here, both in and out of the shadows to stand by you.

Have courage. Speaking out is going to make more of a difference to you more than you think, and I hope it lifts a weight off of you while you begin your life with your husband-to-be. Remember: you are not alone. 💛

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This is a story which I swore I will take to the grave. I grew up in a tight knit family which means I am also close with my male cousins. When I was 7, I 'played' a lot with my 16 (unsure) year old cousin and he would ask me to do stuff to him. He made me promise to keep it a secret because he would ask our other cousins not to talk to me if I told anyone about it. Fast forward to my teenage years when I found out what he did to me. We met each other many times but I tried hard to pretend that I don't remember what he did. He thought that I forgot about it too. Fast foreard to my 30s when I am about to get married. My mom insisted I invite him but I threw a fit and said that I didn't want him there. It even came to a point when I didn't invite any of my male cousins. I'm happily married now but I haven't told my husband or anyone what I went through with him. What should I do? I can still pretend not to remember and wish him to die early. I promised myself that when I have kids of my own, I won't leave them, not even with family. Honestly, I'm scared to have children because of this.

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Hi, this is less an emotional story than one of realizing how important sex ed is. I mean, I love to talk about boys haha, but I think this is more pressing to share.

I'm in my early 20s. I started sleeping with Guy A in May 2021, just a couple of months into my very first ~hoe phase~, and I would continue to do so almost every weekend until around June 2022 when I traveled out of the country more often. He and I have a great relationship; we never put a label on it kasi pareho kaming non-confrontational haha BUT that's besides the point.

In October 2022, I went to the US and spent 2 months there with family. I stayed honest with Guy A that I wanted to keep exploring, but I was in the US for more hobby-driven motivations, so I didn't really expect to rekindle my hoe phase there. With that, I didn't expect to meet Guy B, and remaining transparent with Guy A back in the Philippines, I slept with Guy B a couple of times. Here's where it kinda goes crazy. (Again, I'll be staying more informative here. Kung chismis po ang hanap niyo, maybe look somewhere else for now haha.)

Guy B gets physical symptoms of an STI, and when he got checked, he was positive for chlamydia. I got checked there too (ang mahal sa US!!! buti pa si US mahal CHAROT focus) and, by the rules of chalmydia, I was positive too. He said he got tested every year, and it's been a while since his last sexual encounter. My last test had been almost a year prior, and there were no signs of me having the big C, but I had a strange feeling that even if I was always asymptomatic, it came from me. Med student din si Guy B, and he's proven to me time and again how careful he is about all this. Haha all you have to know is he and I are on good terms. You could say we were on better terms after that whole thing too. Very good guy.

Anyway, I told Guy A, naturally. So weeks after I got home in December, he and I got tested again. And here's the catch: the reason why there were no signs of us being positive for chlamydia when we last tested was because our tests then DID NOT TEST FOR CHLAMYDIA. AMONG OTHER STI's! Besides HIV variations and maybe one other common STI in the Philippines, chlamydia is one of the many STI's many common tests in the Philippines don't test for. So for this time around, we looked for chlamydia-specific tests, which came with a whole other price range. Long story short, the chlamydia most likely came from him months ago. He was generally also asymptomatic, so there was no way we could've known of this if the events in the US didn't transpire. For subplot's sake, Guy A and I are still on excellent terms and are still the best of friends who love each other very much haha ang daming sinabi! Let's skip to the conclusion.

🍓 If you have had at least one sexual encounter in your life, get tested. If you do the nasty regularly, then get more regularly tested. And PLEASE do your research on the tests your taking and just sexual health in general. As much as possible, for as much as your resources can take, look into taking tests for less common STI's in the Philippines. This apparently holds true for other countries as well (as I've learned from friends) -- general STI tests can only test for so much, and it seems to depend on your location as well. Feel ko since mas common ang chlamydia sa US, their "general" test includes the test for it. And chlamydia isn't as common here, so consequently, hindi rin common yung pag test for it. I don't mean to stir panic, but it's best to stay aware, and I hope this helps a bit. 🍓

Ingat, beautiful people. In all aspects.

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Hi, ako ay isang outcast sa school.

I have always been different sa mga ka age ko. People always saw me as more matured kaysa mga ka-age ko since bata pa ako.

Diniagnose talaga ako sa Pediatrician ko as advanced pero yun lang alam ko kase yung lola ko talaga ang may alam sa results noong dinala ako sa Pediatrician at pumanaw na siya. So far yun lang alam ko.

I have started to pick up Calculus book at the age of 4 and started to read Almanac at age of 5 then Encyclopedia, at the age of 6. Tapos araw-araw ako nag-aaral ng English language kahit summer vacation during Elementary.

I didn't know it will be a problem when I'll be in highschool. Since wide reader ako in a very young age, gusto ko maishare yung ideas ko sa mundo but then it was misunderstood to everyone as "pabida".

I always said it in an appropriate and timely manner but I am being attacked for sharing my ideas. Doon, nagsimula yung depression ko at ng flunk yung grades ko for 2 years so I had to transfer. I tuned in to writing and extra-curricular activities instead as an outlet ko.

I have transferred a lot of schools because of this but same pa rin.

Actually, isa sa mga naranasan ko sa school ang reason bakit I stopped going to school for years.

Nag work ako, naging professional ako kahit junior highschool lang natapos ko pero I still decided to go back to school.

Yun nga still the same problem, I tried na mag low-key to the point na I tried na hindi magpaparticipate sa class pro ako pa rin yung center sa mga usapan at kahit anong i was ko, nag stastand out talaga ako. I am also different in the way I dress and the way I talk rin.

Hope a day will come na kami na maraming ideas ay instead shinashame ay madidinig din kami without being bashed. Sana magiging better ang part na ito sa society sa Philippines.

Here's to wishing a better society in the future, hopefully aabot yung time na wala nang matutulad sa akin and who knows a great person will emerge sa history in the future if we will support intellectualism sa ating country.

Kudos.

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Karamihan satin kapag galing sa break up ay dumadaan sa tinatawag na “hoe phase”. So eto na nga mga mare! I had multiple sex partners before, minsan hook up minsan fubu, but i always make sure na protected ako when we are doing the deed. So one time may isang guy na nag paramdam sakin sa office, nag usap usap kami and then we decided to do “it” without condoms. Im taking pills naman that time so kiber na di mabuntis. and then after non biglang naging sweet ung treatment nya sakin, ako naman tong marupok na ferzon eh kinikilig. And then after a few weeks kumerlat na naman kami. Then after a month nag bago na ung treatment nya sakin. Hindi ko manlang alam if ano ang dahilan. Naghost ako mi pero ang masaklap non is nag uusap at nagkikita kami sa isang lugar. I asked him bakit and then bigla nya inopen up sakin kahit nahihiya daw sya, if i had an infection before. Sa loob loob ko, wala naman ako nararamdaman at naamoy down there. And sinabi nya na sya daw kasi is meron. I asked kelan sya nag karoon ng symptoms, during our first deed daw. Tapos nawala and then, bumalik daw after nung second namin. Takot yung naramdaman ko that time.. i told him na i will have my test asap. Ang nakakatawa pa is sinama ko ung fubu ko before para masure na walang hawaan na mangyayari. We got tested for HIV hepa and gonorrea and negative ung result. I gave him my result and nung hiningi ko ung sa kanya ay wala syang mapakita sa papers or proof na nahawa sya sakin or may sakit talaga sya. Di ko alam if ginawa nya lang ung way para matakasan nya ung pang gghost sakin.

I learned my lesson na practice safe sex!!!!! Kahit bet nyo ung guy mag condom tayo hahahaha. Ang please wag nyong gawin excuse ang STI para layuan tayo ng tao. After that incident nagkaroon talaga ako ng anxiety and up until now kapag nakakausap ko sya takot ung nararamdaman ko. Sana may natutunan kayo mga anteh!!!

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Taga Leyte ako at nagtrabaho si tatay sa Manila mula nung 4 or 5 ako hanggang 11 ako. Mostly mga 2nd hand na selpon yung binibili niya tas usually may mga bold na na kasama dun, both videos and photos.

I secretly watched the bold nung mga 9 or 10 ako and I enjoyed the feeling of being turned on by them, but at the time, I did not know I was being turned on. Minsan nahuli ako ni nanay na pinapanood ko yun tas pinagalitan ako tas sabi niya, "bakit ka nanonood niyan, magpopokpok ka ba paglaki mo? ibebenta mo din ba puki mo? kasi yan ang ginagawa ng mga babae sa mga video na yan." Tas after niya ako pagalitan, mahihiya ako sa ginagawa ko pero bumabalik pa din ako sa panonood. Tas one time, nag explore ako sa mga pictures na nakasave sa selpon. May mga nakita akong mga babae na may iniinsert na mga nakaroll na magazine sa puki nila tas while tinitignan ko yun, nacurious talaga ako kung ano feeling. So, nag gupit ako ng konting karton tas niroll ko din tas ininsert ko. At dahil maliit lang siya, di ko na siya natanggal tas pinabayaan ko lang siya dun ng mga ilang araw hanggang sa nangati ako down there. Nung unbearable na yung kati, sinabihan ko na si nanay kahit nakakahiya. Kinuha niya yung karton gamit ang chani tas pinahiran niya ng beatdine yung pipi ko after tas wtf ang hapdi. After nun nabuhay ako sa kahihiyan sa bahay pinapanood ko pa din nang patago yung mga bold sa selpon ni tatay tas sinimulan ko na gamitin yung daliri ko tas minsan niroroll ko yung panty ko while suot ko tas nirurub ko sa clit ko HAHAHAHAHAHA.

Noon akala ko na ako lang yung gumagawa ng ganon tas nahihiya ako while napapaligiran ng ibang babae kasi naiisip ko na ang dumi ko kasi yung mga babae sa paligid ko di ginawa yun nung bata pa sila. Pero buti nalang nung high school, nakapasok ako sa school na open-minded ang mga tao tas nagkkwentuhan kami ng mga kaibigan ko about sa mga himala na ginawa namin nung mga bata pa kami. Nakabasa din ako sa internet ng mga masturbation confessions ng iba pang babae sa ibang parte ng mundo at kung pano ginawa din nila yung mga ginawa ko nung bata pa sila. Narealize ko na di ako nag iisa.

Ngayon nasa college na ako, para discreet, bumibili ako ng talong sa market tas yun yung ginagawa kong dildo tas marami na akong adventures with talong. I am so looking forward sa time na independent na ako sa sarili kong bahay tas makakaafford na ako ng dildo, vibrator, or iba pang sex toys. Or kung papalarin, makahanap ako ng jowa na sasamahan ako sa paglalaro😉

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Naniniwala ako na lahat ng bad traits ng tao ay may deep unhealed trauma na hindi pa healed kaya isang malaking defense mechanism niya/nila na ilabas yung trait na yun. I think aware ang tao pag may bad trait siya lalo na sa culture nating mga pilipino eh constant tayo mag lahad lagi ng feedback mapa constructive man o hindi. I have a blockmate na may superiority complex at feeling niya eh ang gawa lang niya ang maganda, to the point na marami na siyang nakaka away dahil sa trait nyang 'yon ultimo mga correction sakaniya ng blockmates nmin para sakaniya ay ayaw niyang tanggapin. Hindi masama ang tingin ko sakaniya kahit sobrang masama na ang sitwasyon, iniintindi ko na may malalim siyang pinag daanan or pinag dadaanan kaya ganun, at dahil college student palang eh marami pa talagang insecurities na hindi naman maitatago at madaling marecover. To the point na si blockmate ay na-categorize na as #1 gaslighter/manipulator at kung ano ano pa, since they are my classmates sa isang sub at hindi sa pang-kabuuan na section, I have nothing to say (against or for the good) kasi sila ang mas madalas na magkakasama at witness lang ako palagi ng gulo nila sa isa't isa. Turns out na etong si blockmate na may superiority ay pinepeke ng mga friends niya just to leech off dahil masipag mag aral, feeling lonely lagi at people pleaser siya for some reason. Hindi kami close nento ni blockmate pero lagi niya ako kinukuha sa groupings kesyo mabilis kumilos at hindi pabigat, in terms ng pag-uusap namin i would say transactional and formal. Imbis na ikagalit ko yung ugali niya na controlling eh I thought I should pray for people who might suffer the same I understand na marami talagang pinag dadaanan ang karamihan ngayon, I hope we're all in this together and please don't give up. Laban lang po.

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Nakilala ko tong si fren last yr at naging blossoming ang frenship namen. Truth be told nagkagusto ako sakaniya 😂 di ko inaamin pero I know na nahahalata niya. Trustworthy siyang tao at apaka introverted, gaining my fren's trust is one of a kind for me because i know that fren's not into socialising. Ayoko umamin kasi baka masira frenship namin, until a time na nagbibigay na sya ng mixed signals kaya na-confuse ako lalo 😂 lumipas din ang panahon at unti-unti nawala feelings ko, puppy love lng pala.

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Shoutout sa prof namin sa isang major sub, akalain mo yon', never nag turo pero nagpaulan ng mabababang grades sa buong klase hahahaha lt ka mhi3. Sana magamit mo sa maayos yang tinapos mong kurso, kung ayaw mo man 'yan edi ayusin mo sana.

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Had a crush on a close friend of mine when I was in elementary, I ended up liking him for 3 years. Moved on but he still stayed at the back of my mind so idrk if that counted as moving on.

ANYWAY, am now starting to have a crush on someone after 4 years n he’s a really fun guy to talk to n all that jazz.

Made me think about my old crush, checking his active status n all the shit we do when having a crush on someone, realized na I moved on na talaga.

New crush is really nice n easy to talk to, which is definitely one green flag to me because it’s hard for me to start n keep a convo w someone I’m not close to. W him we kinda just clicked

Ty Y.S for helping me even tho u’ll prolly never know abt it <3

ALSO MY MOM APPROVES OF HIM TOO SO HAUEHAHHEHEHEHEHHEHEGEG

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Hello to all, I'm glad that I get to find this page and share kasi hindi ko rin alam kung saang space astronautism universe ko siya maivent out dahil kahit mga friends ko hapyaw lang ang alam abt it. Noong naging kami ng ex ko last last year (kasagsagan ng hardlockdown) siya yung nag initiate na maging kami - kahit ako yung nagkagusto sa'ming dalawa nung una. Di ko inaasahan at sobrang excited at tuwa ko noon thinking that my love was reciprocated. After noong unang monthsarry namin bigla siyang naglaho na parang walang kami and ako naman tong si tanga hinintay siya ng katagal tagal - estimated ko nasa months siyang nawala then pagbalik niya di ko naman siya siningil ng explanation kasi inaantay ko na siya mismo mag open up at ayoko maging masama sa paningin niya. I waited again for months na ayusin namin at kada nag i-initiate ako na ayusin naman namin eh ayaw niya. Para lang akong jinowa kasi nasayangan sa akin, pinaramdam niya sa akin na wala akong kwenta, never niya rin inexplain kahit nung nasa break up part na kami, sabi lang niya 'eh kesyo natatakot raw siya sa something precious na meron siya kaya natatakot syang panindigan. Sabi ko naman 'bat ka matatakot, e ikaw itong unang nag alok ng commitment? Tsaka tanga ka pala eh jinowa jowa mo ko ngayong natatapakan na dignidad ko paawa effect ka naman'. Sorry lng siya ng sorry, as if naman naginhawaan ako no'n, sa totoo lng siya nga gumawa ng trust issues ko ngayon. I will never know kung nag cheat siya for the span of those months or whatever. Ang sakit lang. Sobra. Parang ouch ganon. 

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Hello to all, I'm glad that I get to find this page and share kasi hindi ko rin alam kung saang space astronautism universe ko siya maivent out dahil kahit mga friends ko hapyaw lang ang alam abt it. Noong naging kami ng ex ko last last year (kasagsagan ng hardlockdown) siya yung nag initiate na maging kami - kahit ako yung nagkagusto sa'ming dalawa nung una. Di ko inaasahan at sobrang excited at tuwa ko noon thinking that my love was reciprocated. After noong unang monthsarry namin bigla siyang naglaho na parang walang kami and ako naman tong si tanga hinintay siya ng katagal tagal - estimated ko nasa months siyang nawala then pagbalik niya di ko naman siya siningil ng explanation kasi inaantay ko na siya mismo mag open up at ayoko maging masama sa paningin niya. I waited again for months na ayusin namin at kada nag i-initiate ako na ayusin naman namin eh ayaw niya. Para lang akong jinowa kasi nasayangan sa akin, pinaramdam niya sa akin na wala akong kwenta, never niya rin inexplain kahit nung nasa break up part na kami, sabi lang niya 'eh kesyo natatakot raw siya sa something precious na meron siya kaya natatakot syang panindigan. Sabi ko naman 'bat ka matatakot, e ikaw itong unang nag alok ng commitment? Tsaka tanga ka pala eh jinowa jowa mo ko ngayong natatapakan na dignidad ko paawa effect ka naman'. Sorry lng siya ng sorry, as if naman naginhawaan ako no'n, sa totoo lng siya nga gumawa ng trust issues ko ngayon. I will never know kung nag cheat siya for the span of those months or whatever. Ang sakit lang. Sobra. Parang ouch ganon. 

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Tinapon ko na lahat ng love letters niya pati ng mga gifts niya for me kasi lahat naman ay may bahid ng kasinungalingan, para saan pang itago at gawing treasures d'ba? Apaka sama ng loob ko kahit wala na kami dahil tanga-tanga ako noon at nag invest ng maraming time at efforts parin sakaniya na never naman niya na reciprocate. I asked one last time before kami mag hiwalay, "Did you really loved me? or you liked the idea of me?" Tameme naman siya sa tanong ko na 'yon.

Sa mga taong nakaranas ng ganto, sana hindi kayo mawalan ng reason magmahal uli, alam ko kung gaano kasakit at gaano ka walang hiya yung trust issues na binigay sa atin. Please, magpatuloy parin tayo at huwag matakot mag mahal uli.

PS. My jowa now made me felt loved and treated me much better with care. Pinaranas niya sa akin na hindi ko deserve ang bare minimum.

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4 years na kami ng bf ko. For the first week of our relationship I caught him na may anak na sya sa ka fling nya. Idk kahit anong explain nya hindi ko p rin sya pinapaniwalaan. Feeling ko hindi totoo yung mga sinasabi nya sa akin. Kahit nman na may ebidensya sya, nahihirapan pa rin ako mag trust sa kanya. Idk kng hanggang kaylan ako mag hohold on sa relasyon na to kahit alam ko nman na hindi sya ang makakatuloyan ko in the future dahil hindi ko talaga accept yung bata. Para sa akin It feels like we’re friends, pero ginagawa yung mga gawain ng mag jowa na dpat hindi gawain ng mag kaibigan. Im just holding on kasi natatakot ako kng ano mang yari sa kanya if hihiwalaya ko sya. May depression kasi sya.

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When I was 8 years old, doon nagstart na bosohan ako ng tatay ko. Akala ko normal lang na bantayan niya ako habang naliligo kasi bata pa ako no'n, wala akong kaalam-alam. After ilang years, habang natutulog ako sa kama, biglang magigising na lanv ako kasi hinahawakan niya na private part ko or pinapahawak niya 'yong kanya. Hindi ako nagsalita kasi nga takot ako, pero naulit 'yon nang ilang beses. Gusto ko man magsumbong kaso hindi ko magawa dahil sa takot. Gusto ko mang tumanggi, hindi ko rin magawa kasi kapag hindi ako pumayag, magagalit siya. Umabot sa point na ipinalo niya sa'kin 'yong likod ng kutsilyo o kaya basagan ako ng tasa sa paa. Tumagal 'yon hanggang Grade 7 (kasi na-stroke siya.)

Pero noong medyo gumaling na siya, bumalik na naman siya sa panghahawak ng hita at saka sa iba pang maselang parte ng katawan ko. Naitigil lang noong nagkaroon na'ko ng sariling kwarto. 18 na'ko, naiinis pa rin ako sa sarili ko dahil gusto kong magsumbong pero hindi ko magawa. Lagi akong binabangungot nito kapag natutulog. Ang bigat na talaga.

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I love him so much but he's still into her ex

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Hello po. So happy to see this sa page nyo. I wanted to share this story sa friend or kahit kanino pero nahihiya ako. Im open to criticism or judgements if your read my story.

This happens way back when i was in college. I met this guy 3rd year college ako noon sa isang club. So we exchange numbers and then started texting and going out. After nun. Nainvite ko sya apparment namin (nag boboard ako nung college days kasi malayo ang school sa bahay). Ok naman nung una. And then naulit ulit na pumunta sya ‘gang sa dun na sya natulog. I don’t know anything about “sex” that time. And yung first kiss ko is 17 years old na ako nun. So ayun we kissed and then my iba pala syang gustong mangyari pa. I firmly say “NO”. Kaya nag stop sya and then we sleep. Naging ok ang lahat back to normal. Hanggang sa dumating ako sa point na nag sasabi ako sa parents ko na din muna ako uuwi ng bahay pag weekends kasi my mga project etc. pero ang totoo nun gusto ko syang makasama. Naulit nanaman na nag sleep over sya sa appartment. And this time my ngyari. We were kissing and then nag pumulit syang ibaba ang shorts ko. I said no again. Sabi ko di pa ako ready. And then he keeps on insisting. Pinipilit talaga nya ako and me na iba na din ang nararamdaman na init sa katawan kaya medyo marupok na. But nung naramdaman ko na nililihis nya ang panty ko bigla akong lumakas para pigilan sya. Kaso wala akong nagawa mas malakas sya. Ayun pinilit nyang pinapasok ang ari nya. So ako nag panick pushing myself Upward para di nya mapasok pero too late. Sya ang nakakuha ng virginity ko. After that i ran sa bathroom and locked myself. He keeps on calling me outside and saying sorry. Ako na tulala na banyo kasi i saw bloob sa panty ko. After how many minutes i unlocked the door pumasok sya at binuhat ako palabas. Niyakap lang ako sa couch and keep saying sorry. So ako naman forgave him. I thought it was loved between us. Pero parang one sided love lang pala. We still continue our relationship. But never happen again yung ngyari that night. After how many months nag sabi sya sa akin na nalipat daw sya ng trabaho. By the way his a bank employee. That time he was 28 yrs old and me 17. I was been my stupid self back then. He is from Laguna and was assign sa Visayas. Sinabi nyang lilipat na sya ulit sa Laguna. And i was sooo sad. The day ng flight nya i lied sa kasama ko sa appartment. She was older than me and sorta guardian namin sa appartment. I told her i was going out clubbing with my classmate at 1 am but the truth is im going to his appartment. Nakapack na lahat ng gamit nya. Pag dating ko sa appartment nya. His flight was 6 in the morning 3am palang aalis na sya para pumuntang airport. So ako naman super sad and then things happen again. This time sabi nya di nya daw papasok so ako naman si tanga naniwala. But my two hands are also on standby. Every time na ma fifeel ko na parang ipapasok nya im pushing him up. After that umalis na talaga sya for good. But we still have our communication. And then summer vacation came. I went to Manila for vacation. I texted him ba im going to manila. He said na magkita kami. Umoo naman ako agad. nagkita kami sa Robinson manila. Then nag rizal park. After that we decided na mag lakad pabalik. Since di ko kabisado ang daan nagka ligaw2x kami. Hanggang sa nadaan kami sa street na puro motels or inns. He keeps insisting na mag pahinga daw muna kami. Kasi pagod na daw sya at gustong matulog. I said NO. Iban din kasi ang feeling ko. So ayun nakarating na kami pabalik ng Rob manila. After that we said our goodbyes. Yun na din pala ang katapusan. After that never heard from him anymore. Even on facebook. He made a dummy account and different picture. Dun ko lang napag tanto na baka my family sya or my girlfriend and i was just a part time. Looking back sa ngyari sakin i feel so stupid. I thought he loved me. Everytime na aalala ko sya i feel so diagusted with myself. Thinking na SAYANG sana pala i saved myself and my virginity.

That’s all. I know napahaba ang kwento ko. But right now gumaan ang pakiramdam ko typing this story. Been keeping this for 10 years. Even sa partner ko. I wanted to tell him but naduduwag ako. Im afraid na ma judged nya.

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Normal lang bang baliwalain at wag paniwalaan kapag nag sumbong kang hinahawa hawakan ka nila?
Lumaki akong walang kasamang lalaki maliban sa mga kapatid ko sa bahay. Mama at tita ko sa side ng mama ako ang kasama ko. 7 years old ako nang maexpose ako sa porn. Pinsan ko ang nag panood sakin non. Dun din nag start ng hawakan ako ng tito kong madalas na bumubisita sa bahay namin sa private part ko, mga kaibigan kong lalaki na madalas nakahawak sa legs ko inaalis ko naman pero sabi nila walang malisya pero sakin napaka uncomfortable, at pag natutulog ako sa bahay ng pinsan ko (side ng papa ko) madalas nagigising akong may humahawak sa butt ko papuntang private part ko.
Nagsumbong ako sa tita ko sa side ng papa ko and guess what ang sabi niya " wag mo nalang pansin" like what!!? Wag pansinin? Hahahahaha nakakatawa lang yung ikaw yung nakakaranas tapos sasabhin wag pansinin?
Yon ang una ata huli kong nag sabi.

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I love you ANGELOU VEGAAAA! I can’t express how I really feel about you in front of everyone. But trust me, I love you so much. I know you are doubting me and my feelings, have faith in God, He knew I love you with all my heart.

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Hello, I'm 22yrs old female.
I have such a high standard sa sarili ko. Di ko tanggap yung itsura ko. I couldn't go outside ng hindi nagmmake up. Hindi ko din hinahayaan sarili ko na mahalin ng iba kasi feeling ko iiwan nila ako kasi di ako maganda, na tuwing magkikita na kami ng katalking stage ko, gumagawa ako ng problema. Sinigurado kong di magwwork. Ang lungkot lungkot ko. Ramdam na ramdam ko yung lungkot na ayoko umabot sa 30+ na ganto ako. Gusto ko na mawala pero di ko kaya magpakamatay. Sobrang hirap nastuck ako sa gantong pakiramdam, pagiisip, simula palang highschool ganito na ko. Nakakapagod bawat araw At wala akong masabihan nitong pinagdadaanan ko.

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Pakiramdam ko di ko deserve na matawag na rape survivor. Pakiramdam ko kasalanan ko. Na ginusto ko yung nangyari sa akin at deserve ko yun kasi ako pa yung pumunta at lumapit sa taong gumawa sa akin nun.

Nandidiri ako sa sarili ko at lagi kong iniimagine yung panahon na una ko siyang nakilala, sana noon pa lang nilalayuan ko na siya. My acads and relationships with my family and bf suffered greatly dahil lang sinubukan ko siyang ipacify. Akala ko kasi magpapakamatay siya kapag di ko sinunod gusto niya.

Nagsumbong ako sa family niya. Di ko alam kung galit sila sa akin. Ayaw kong alamin. Sa ngayon, gusto ko lang mabuhay ng matiwasay. Kung may magpakamatay man sa aming dalawa, sana siya na lang kasi may mga umaasa pa sa akin.

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Grade 5 ako non, public school, ako yung na task para maglinis ng cr ng room namin that day. I was happy to do it since mahilig ako maglinis and nag kakaroon ako ng excuse para mag stay sa school nang late.

Anyways, biglang may pumasok sa cr, let's call him J nalang kaklase ko siya. I'm not sure bakit ko siya pinapasok, medyo fuzzy yung details pero bigla niya akong pinaluhod, habang nakahubad siya and then pinasubo niya sakin yung private part niya. Bigla niya akong pinatanggal ng shorts and then he tried invading my bottom pero unsuccessful siya since I'm too tight (sorry tmi). At that time sobrang naive ko. Eventually I went home and super tahimik ko lang talaga.

I even remember at times na J would pick on me, lalo na pag recess namin, kukunin niya yung pera ko and pag di ako pumayag he would tell me na ipapagkalat niya na sinubo ko yung private part niya. He would gaslight me up until grade 6. I was gaslighted into thinking na ako yung mali for being the victim. I didn't dare speak up since isa siya sa pinaka matalino and maraming friend sa class namin, and me? Isa lang akong gusgusing matabang bata. Sinong maniniwala sakin diba?

Even now, college na ako pero traumatized parin ako sa mga pang yayare. Sobrang naiinis ako kasi sobrang successful niya ngayon, he's thriving. While ako? I'm filled self doubt and trust issues.

Thanks for letting me vent.

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I have a crush on someone who is still in love with someone else. Hindi ko alam kung crush ba ang nararamdaman ko for him kasi almost 2 yrs ko na s'yang gusto at siya rin ang standard ko pag dating sa lalaki. Hey justine, if you're reading this (well sana hindi) sana makapag move on ka hindi dahil gusto ko na pansinin mo ulit ako, kundi, sana makapag move on ka para sa sarili mo. Nandito pa din ako palagi. I'm always patiently waiting for you. Ingat ka pls.be happy.

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uhm hi u can call me lei, sorry i really don't know how to send message like this but i'll just follow what my heart says.

So i have a friend, a guy friend. I had a big crush on him before when we were 7th grade, he was my first crush on JHS he really caught my attention because he was really a beautiful boy back then in my eyes.
And I heard from other students he already got a girlfriend so i distanced my self back then because that was the right thing to do and after that we stopped talking. And he really got a girlfriend he told me na he likes me before he was just shy to say.

2020 I sent a message to him because it was about school works and I did not know that we would really became friend, closer than i thought. I had a boyfriend back then.
so as of now we are now on 10th grade.

we sometimes stop talking which is a very not big deal since we are just friends
i don't care about it before but in October November and December 2021 and this year i sumtimes asking myself why he do that and at first i thought it was not weird because I'm just worried that's all but as the days go by, i keep thinking about him and smiling a lot like a fool.

and the more he do that the more i overthink and dahil sa pag o-overthink ko natuklasan ko na
gusto ko sya
gusto ko parin sya
when my feelings to him went stopped, i've never thought i would fall in love to him again.

the friendship we have now is really good
as in ang ganda. 'Di ko inakala na magkakaron ako ng ganitong friend.
He really admire me but in a sarcasm way
he love what i hate on my face
and he keep complimenting me but in a sarcasm way. He's just really not that showy.
And sometimes i really called my self a slow-witted person after the realization HAHHA.

but he is really a nice guy he really understand u and also he is family oriented, hygienic guy and got a nice voice and he is smart. There is no really red flag

so what my problem is i can't tell my feelings for him because i really treasure the friendship we have. I'm scared to lose him and I'm scared na magiging wrong timing ulit.

And to be honest i can see that he likes me den kase there are times na sinasabi nya feelings nya but in a sarcasm way so i did the same thing to him. And i can see it thru his actions he really care for me and he keep assuring me that he always got my back.

and the number one reason that is stopping me to confess my feelings is
I'm not ready.

based on my recent experience
I'm really not ready
i still need to improve my actions and such
because i keep hurting boys
that's why sumtimes i hate my self.
and the reason kung bat i keep hurting the person who loves me the most
because i am lack of parents love
they are both busy and so yon
which is toxic side of mine. That's why right now I'm gonna improve my self muna and keep learning. Even tho my feelings for him is very clear i choose to wait nalang muna. He's single btw, 4 years na daw natrauma sa first love eh LOl

so what I'm saying is I'll wait him until he is ready or pag okay na yung panahon I'll tell him directly in personal kahit mareject ako or what, at least I said what i have to.

I'll just admire him from afar and also love him.

Thank you because u're doing this thing. U're helping us and also helping us to be honest to ourselves. ♡

Keep safe po!!!

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I've always been surrounded by people who I don't wanna become when I'm older sadly isa don nanay ko. She's a misogynist. She told me "Dapat pati hanggang pagtanda mo virgin ka, umayos ka ah" she doesn't know I was assaulted. I sometimes wish she knew what happened it's hard to keep it a secret.

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i want to be a singer. pakiramdam ko naman, kaya kong kumanta. kaya ko din sumulat at tumugtog. but my family always say na i should prioritize my studies first. but i want to be a singer. and my friends? they were never really supportive. i want to prove them na kaya ko ito. but they won’t listen. i wish i have friends na maniniwala sa kakayahan ko. napapagod na akong mag makaawa ng pakikinig nila sa tinig ko.

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Hindi ko alam paano ikukwento 'to. Hindi ito gaya ng mga naunang kwento ng iba pero kwento pa rin naman.

I was in grade 8 nang makilala ko si Red(not his real name) kaklase ko sya sa Katolikong paraalang pinapasukan ko at masasabi ko na mabait at mabuti syang bata, tahimik rin d gaya ng ibang mga lalaking studyante na maliligalig at maingay. Magkalapit lang kami ng upuan nun, ako sa harap nya at sya sa likod ko. As day passed naging close kami ni Red, mga kung ano anong pinag uusapan namin. Mahiyain den sya gaya ko pero mas mukang mahiyain sya eh. Fast forward. Gr. 9 na kami then ayun mas naging close kami halos sya kachat ko noon and masasabi kong isa sya sa mga pinaka close ko bukod sa mga friends ko. At nung time ren na yun sa kanya ako pinaka komportable. Andaming nangyari nung gr. 9 kami, medjo andami namin naging achievement nun individually and masasabi kong nag grow kami. Andaming masasayang alaala nung mga panahon na 'to like magkasama kami sa sayaw sa aming school competition. Sobrang naparoud ako sa kanya dahil nilakasan nya ang loob nya na sumali ng sayaw kahit na mahiyain at tahimik sya. Dito ren ung first time namin ma guidance office dahil may epal na nagsumbong na nag practice kami sa labas (bawal kasi mag practice sa labas, dat sa school premises lang). Dito ren ung time na sabay kaming nagkumpisal. Dito ren ung time na ginawang nyang wallpaper yung muka ko. At lastly dito ren ung time na sinabe nyang crush nya ako. Masarap sa pakiramdam na may humahanga pala sakin kaya naman naisipan kong ilagay yun sa diary ko para d ko makalimutan ung moment na yun. Bigla ko naalala ung sumegway sya na apir daw kami hahahah ewan ko kung segway ba un pero deep inside i feel something weird, alam ung parang kinakabahan na nagiinit pisnge mo hahaha. Palaginko ren sya kalaro sa uni at lagi syang talo tas ginagawa nya lagi ung dare (medjo bully ako sa kanya sa part na 'to). Dito ren pala naganap ung js prom namin at sya ang first and last dance ko, syempre nung una ayaw ko pa pero ngayon thankful talaga ako dahil sya ung 1st and last ko hahahaga. Naaalala ko den tinanong nya ako kung anong kulay ng suot kong gown tas sabi ko royal blue tas pag dating namin dun sa event ang kulay ng tuxedo nya ay medjo blue tas ako red. Nagpalit kasi ako gawa ng ang haba nung royal blue na un pero sana pala d na lang. Tas nakasalamin sya nun, ewan ko pero d talaga bagay sa kanya ung salamin na un. Recognition day, lahat nakareceive ng conduct award tas kaming napaguidance hindi xoxad. Naalala ko umiyak si Red nun dahil ata doon, grabi iyak nya nun. Pero little did everyone know umiyak den ako, galit ako sa epal na nagsumbong, galit ako dahil wala syang makukuhang award kahit isa man lang which is mas deserve nya kesa sa iba kong mga kaklaseng toxic. Paglabas ko ng cr tinawanan ko sya kasi umiiyak sya eh tas ampangit nya umiyak (sorry na agad Red) ambobo ko talaga sa part na un. Ayoko ko kasing makita ng iba na apektado ako dahil umiyak sya. Ff sa grade 10, okay kami sa first quarter I guess pero unti unting naging hindi. Wala eh ang gago ko, na sigawan ko sya gawa ng tinago nya ung travk pants ko, ang nonsen

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i fell in love with a guy, he left. he’s with another girl for a year na. i can’t get over. pakiramdam ko, dumating lang sya para bigyan ako ng trauma.

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Ang kwento ko ay...meron akong long term talking stage guy. We've been talk on about 5 months and i know i love him already, he's willing to wait but im too conscious to step forward. Then,lately i feek like i want to give it a shot,i want it to be official kasi he deserves it. If you ever reading this,ily.

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Grade 5 yata ako nun at nagsimula pa ang puberty. Maghapong naglalaro ng habulan at nagpapalipad ng saranggola. Pag-uwi ay pawis na pawis at amoy araw. Yung tito ko (husband ng kapatid ng mama ko) na bumisita sa bahay nag-yaya na bumili daw kami sa tindahan ng makakain. Sumama naman ako kasi mukha namang mabait at masayahin sya, at tito ko sya eh. Pero habang naglalakad kami papunta sa tindahan, umakbay sya sa akin at yung kamay nya ay umabot sa may murang dede ko. Parang binuhusan ako ng malamig na tubig at ang isip ko ay parang lumipad at tinitingnan ang sarili ko na hinihipuan ng malaswa. Nang parang bumalik ako sa isip ko, iniwas ko ang kamay nya at biglang tumakbo. Sabi ko mauna na ako, habang tinatawag nya ako na hintayin sya.

Wala akong pinagsabihan tungkol sa pangyayaring ito kahit Mama ko or to any relative kasi nakakahiya at baka di ako paniwalaan o baka magkagulo. Ngayon lang na may mga anak na ako nakapagsalita na ako tungkol dito nung narinig ko ang isang pinsan na pinagtangkaan din pala sya nitong parehong tito namin. Umabot pa sya sa point na natutulog sya katabi ang kutsilyo para pangprotekta sa sarili nya.

Ngayon, hiwalay na ang tita at tito ko kasi mahilig din pala sya mambugbog kay tita at sa mga anak nya, at may ibang babae sya pa kahit nung magkasama pa sila.