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I have noticed that most of my friendships are derived from wherever I am working at the time. (I remain friends with them even after leaving the job). 85% of my relationships with my friends are heterophily. My best friend, we will call her CP, has the same personality as me. This, I believe, is the only homphily relationship I have.
We are both generally quiet and reserved until you get to know us. My other close friends JR, JB, AS, Sheila, etc are all extroverts. They are very outgoing and boisterous people. They think nothing of being the center of attention. There is no common tie among any of us besides jobs. We come from different monetary classes, geographic locations, religions, etc.

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Vela~
When I tried to determine whether any of my relationships were more homopholic or heteropholic, I was quite frankly stumped!  In all of my relationships, there are large areas of shared characteristics and large areas of differences.  One example is my Buddhist study group.  We are certainly hemophilic in multiple ways.  We are composed of men and women, all ages, living in Portland, Grey, Rumford, and many other towns.  Some of our members are heterosexual and some are lesbian or gay.  We appear to come from all kinds of economic backgrounds (although appearances can be very misleading when it comes to economics!) and are comprised of ever level of education from non-high school graduates to doctorates.  We are also very similar!  Obviously, as Buddhists, we share many of the same philosophies of both spirituality and the way that we wish to live our secular lives.  We also have similarities in our enjoyment of each other and our desire to remain close to each other, as a group and as individuals.  I would say that we are predominately heteropholic but the main thing that we share (Buddhism) is large enough and effects enough aspects of our lives so as to make us homopholic in the things that really matter.

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My example would be when I was working in Brooklyn, New York on the conversions crew. Being from Maine, I was a bit of a outcast on the crew. That being said, at the end of the day our goal was to work together and change the court from NBA games to concerts and likewise. I had a social tie to another worker named Luigi who was not from Brooklyn. We were the only two on the crew who were not from Brooklyn. He was dissimiliar to the other people ( heterophily). Therefore he did not really have a tie to them other than the fact that he worked with them. We however were very similiar and our difference in origin was our social tie, bringing us together as friends (homophily). I do believe that the similarity was what drove us to be friends to have that tie.

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As long as I can remember, I have attracted friends with stronger personalities than I have. Where I have a filter and use caution when I speak, they have a say anything that pops into your head philosophy.  As I have grown and gained more confidence, I can see that I have learned to speak up more and sometimes my more verbal friends have toned it down and chose their words more carefully. They give me a nudge when I need to find my voice and come to me when they need advice about how to handle a situation more gently. Our interests brought us together; kids' sports, work, volunteering. Our sense of humor drew us together. Ultimately our opposite personalities helped us grow as people and come closer together.

Lacerta

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Before attending UMA I attended another college and while at this other college I served as a Resident Assistant (RA). To become an RA you must pass a series of interviews and recommendations and if selected you get offered an RA position. The other RA canitdates that were selected and I did not really hold any similarities other than that we were students at the same institution. Even though we did not hold any of the same interests we became the glue that held the residence halls together. We learned to rely and trust each other from matters of work to personal issues that were occurring in our lives. I believe that we became so close even without holding similar interests because we all shared a similar goal or job duty so to say. The ties of trust formed from the social situations that we were put it whether it be helping deal with a student who wanted to self-harm or helping dismantle a party within the halls. We were each other’s life support and we all played our parts.
- Proxima Centauri

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A couple of years ago I became friends with someone who I really liked and enjoyed spending time with, this doesn't happen as often during adulthood.

One day in the fall of 2013 I went to a job interview for a company I had never worked for.  Upon entering the building, I was told I would be met by someone on the 5th floor and to head up the elevator.  When I reached the 5th floor - the elevator doors opened and the woman and I just stared at each other.  We spoke at the same time "Aren't you Noah's mom?" and "Aren't you Grace's mom?"!  We had met throughout the years at our children's school functions.  As we chatted more, we both realized that our husbands were on deployment in the same location - we exchanged numbers so if the other needed help we could lend a hand.

My new friend and I ended up working in the same department and were often see chatting and laughing together.  One night our families had dinner together - it was a good time.  On the way home I said "I really like her, she's fun to be around".  My daughter laughed and said "Of course you would, she's like your clone - you two are exactly alike.  You even share the same name!!"

I couldn't argue with her.
-Tucana

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I am someone who is an introvert and a professional.  Back in November of 2008, I was on a bus trip to a leadership event for student government.  On the way, there was a woman who was sitting across the aisle from me that was clearly an extrovert, unprofessional, and actually a little immature.  She started talking to me and she wouldn’t stop!  I was trying to be polite although I had a lot on my mind and listening to her was not a priority.  At one point, she asked if she could sit next to me as she was tired of shouting across the aisle.  I knew that I wasn’t going to get her to be quiet and I didn’t want to be rude, so I moved my bag and gave her room.

Before we got back to school, she wanted to become friends on Facebook.  I knew so much about her from that 1 ½ hour bus ride, that I thought, hey, what the heck.  She seems like she could be an important person in my life at some point.  Little did I know that three years later, we would be married.

Over that next year, I went through a bad break-up.  Her and I talked once in a while on Facebook, but it wasn’t until I broke my ribs that we started to talk more.  We were clearly opposites, but as we talked more and more, I began to like her more and more even though she was nine years younger than me.  Her cheerfulness, hopefulness, and positivity to the point of being candy sweet where your teeth were rotting as talking to her, is what I started to enjoy more and more and started to look forward to every day.  We were clearly opposites, but I couldn’t imagine my life without her, so I asked her out.  Within three months, she moved in with me.  In September of 2011, I proposed to her and we got married in August of the following year.

I would say that it was opposites attracting, but she would say different.  Back in 2009 when we were talking on Facebook, there was one night where it was getting to be a 2-3-hour conversation that didn’t look like it was going to end anytime soon.  Out of the blue, she asked to move the conversation to the phone because her butt was killing her.  I was shocked as she didn’t seem like the person that were just come out and say that.  I agreed and we proceeded to talk on the phone for the next 2-3 hours, and almost every night after that.  She would later tell me that she didn’t realize what she was typing until after she asked me.  She panicked when she realized that she asked to move the conversation to the phone.  She also told me that she prayed to God the night before we met to give her the courage to at least talk to someone of the opposite sex so when Mr. Right came along, she wouldn’t be nervous to talk to him.  Little did I know, I was her Mr. Right.

We have been happily married for four years.  We have disagreements every now and then as all couples do.  We are still different in so many ways.  She is still the extrovert and myself the introvert.  She likes to talk and talk and talk, where I like to keep my mouth shut and observe.
-Antares-

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I met my husband a little over two years ago. We would talk and always had different opinions about everything! I knew that a relationship with him was way beyond ever happening. As time went on, some how there was this connection and the more time I spent with him the more my feelings grew. Now here we are coming up to one year of being together and a little less than a year of being married we have grown so much together and have worked hard for the things that we have together.

-Altair

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Capella

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In my case, its more like "opposites attract." Most of the people I am close friends with are older women in their 50s and 60s. A lot of the women I have worked with are in this category and as a young male, it would seem unlikely I would have anything in common with them or vice versa, but they are my closet friends and we talk all the time. I have never been close with people in my own age range for some reason. I have always joked I am an old soul in a young body. I seem to gravitate to older people. I feel comfortable-Phoenix

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I think that the saying “birds of a feather flock together” is a true statement. Well, it’s a true statement for me anyway. My closest friends and I share a similar interest in hiking and camping throughout the entire year. We flock together because of the extreme nature of some of our excursions. Among others, we’ve climbed Mt Washington, We’ve hiked the Bigelow Range which took 3 days to complete, and we’ve winter camped on top of Mt Adams with 16 degree daytime temperatures and 60 MPH wind gusts. Our next big hike is going to be the 100 Miles of Maine Wilderness trail.  Homophily definitely plays its part, otherwise we would never agree to get off the couch.

-Scorpius

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My core group of friends in high school met by chance. One of my friends that I went to school with started dating a boy who went to a neighboring high school. We began to meld our group that went to our school with them. We all became fast friends and the main tie that brought us together was music. Our similarities is what brought us together. We enjoyed going to concerts together and all made an effort to see each other even though we lived in different towns. This is an example of choice homophily because we did not have geography on our side. Typically we probably would have never met each other. We also all were from different age groups and in different grades in school at the time. But because we had such strong similar interest we made the choice to make an effort to be friends.Most of us are still friends today. Now that we are older we still have similarities but they are a bit different. Most of us have children. We all work and some of us are attending higher education. We still talk but because of busy lives the distance does sometimes get in the way of connecting with one another.

SPICA

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It is interesting to think about the truth of both Homophily and Heterophily for while it seems like one could not be true while the other is they both appear to hold equal weight within our lives. For myself it is hard to decide which plays a bigger role in who I spend my time with. However I am going to decide Heterophily. My best friend growing up was definitely an opposite of me. I was tall, he was short, I had black hair, he had blonde, I had brown eyes, he had blue. We both loved computers and video games but he preferred working on software and I preferred hardware. He preferred the gamecube and I preferred the PS2. He enjoyed the indoors and I liked the outdoors. In many ways though we were similar but those similarities were different enough to make them overlap with each other. And I believe that is why opposites attract. It is because while those opposites prevent themselves from canceling each other out. Each one has a function and in that way the function does not become redundant. My friend had a gamecube and I had a PS2, depending on what we wanted to play we could either go to his house or my house. He enjoyed solving software issues and I liked working on hardware problems with computers, this meant it was easy to decide who works on what. While Heterophily played an important role in our relationship I am not certain if I can reliable say that it is what brought us together. This brings me back to what I said earlier about Heterophily and Homophily both working together. I believe it was what made us the same that "flocked us together" and what made us different that made us "attract". There are other friends I had at that time that I certainly were more similar to me than he was but I did not become as close to them as I was to him.

- Dorado

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I would have to say that this is very true in my case. As Iook back, some of the closest people in my life are so different from me. However, they are someone I would consider family. When I first met my best friend we were at a new staff orientation. She had fire engine red hair and was on her phone most of the meeting. I remember thinking, woman, put down your phone. You are at work! At our break in the meeting I ran out to my car to check my phone, and she was smoking outside. (Yuck) haha. She said hi, and I teased her because she had workout supplements in her front seat, but was chain smoking like crazy. We laughed and joked about our kids. She had a little boy who is 4 days younger than my little girl. That day we ran into each other at the gym. As we talked the only thing other than our kids that we had in common was our love for the outdoors/active lifestyle and our babies. However, I could be 100% myself around her, and she was the least judgmental person I had ever met. From that day forward we did everything together, and we share everything. We could go a long time without seeing each other and when we do, we pick up where we left off and everything is just so easy. It is funny, as I look back there are only two other people I have felt that close with. Both remind me of her. So yes, I would say opposites attract for me.

KUMA

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I remember back in 6th grade when my best friend Ellie and I met. We didn’t know each other at the time, but we were both at a mutual friend’s birthday party. Many of the girls there actually did not get along very well, yet they were all really good friends. I would consider their relationships as heterophily. They hall had different opinions, different priorities and different viewpoints (we’re talking 6th graders here so that’s no surprise.) Ellie and I were both new friends of the girl having the party. Towards the end of the party, almost all the girls had all gotten into a huge disagreement and were fighting with each other. That’s when Ellie and I found each other, went off to do our own thing, leaving the other girls behind. We talked and found out we had similar hobbies, similar family dynamics, and we just got along really well in general. I remember us talking about how we’d have way more fun hanging out together than with any of the other girls there, so we left. I would say we experienced induced homophilly. We both formed a social tie as we encountered each other in the situation. We were both in the same space and we both felt uncomfortable around the fighting girls so we immediately segregated ourselves away from the girls and realized we thought very much alike. Ellie and I have been best friends ever since that day!
-Electra

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For me, birds of a feather flock together For example my two best friends and I have very similar traits, same interests, and have similar goals. We have all grown up together and went to high school together.  These ties formed when we were in middle school and were on the same basketball team. We would practice together every day and the more we got to know each other the more we realized we shared the same interests. Because of that we began doing more things together and became good friends.  I believe that similarity was the reason that these ties formed. We all liked being around each other because we all liked the same things.- Ragusor

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Do “birds of a feather flock together,” as the saying goes, or do “opposites attract,” as another popular saying has it? Homophily is the word we use to describe the former, and heterophily is the word we use to describe the latter. For this week’s student participation, I’d like you to tell a story about yourself or about someone you know in which either social ties formed between people who were similar (homophily) or who were dissimilar (heterophily). What kind of similarity or dissimilarity was involved, and for what characteristic? How did the homophilous or heterophilous ties form? Do you think that similarity or difference itself was the primary reason that these social ties formed, or was some other force at work?

If you can, please use the Padlet below to share your story. Remember, though, that this is a public website, so I’d like you to use your pseudonym rather than your real name. If for a technical reason you can’t get the Padlet below to work, please complete this week’s class participation by writing your contribution in the comments box at the end of this lecture.

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Homophily in the workplace and heterophily at home

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Homophily in the workplace and heterophily at home

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My work, as I'm sure is the case with most, attracts those individuals who live close enough to drive there everyday so it is no surprise to find geographic homophily with my coworkers. We all surprisingly went to college, I am just finishing up but am on a similar path to my coworkers (who also work in some form of legal or political realm). We are all within a 10 year age gap. I am about to turn 25 and the oldest person I work with is 33. We do all interact outside of work. After this weeks readings I have a feeling that these factors impact this decision.
Looking at my home life: My fiance and I are extremely different people. Our age was the only similarity showing homophily when we got together. Obviously, we live together now but we lived 3 hours apart when we started dating. He decided to take the vocational school route for boat building while I took the college route. We enjoy doing very different hobbies but we love being together so we do them with each other. I hope I am understanding this correctly, please let me know if not! Thanks :)

Hydra

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Opposites Attract...While birds of a feather do flock together

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Opposites Attract...While birds of a feather do flock together

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Years ago when I meet my significant other I happened to be out with some friends in which homophily played a huge part we all had a lot in common and got along very well. However, that night I meet my current boyfriend of 10 years where heterophily played a huge part. He was a design engineer. Spending most of his days making very exact drawings while I was more of an abstract painter myself. He was very shy with a few close friends. While I worked in Restaurants and was extremely outgoing with many friends. He was extremely close to his family while I only saw mine a few times a year. He wanted a house and child. I was super content living my carefree life in an apartment. It has worked better than any relationship. I believe opposite can attract because what might seem like a opportunity in one may be a strength in another and maybe that opportunity turns to a strength in the other person.  Being opposites can open ones eyes to experiences they may not have been aware of or exposed to.  Maybe in the end this makes two people who were once tied by heterophily, tied more by homophily over time.
Alchiba

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A few years back my wife and I moved to a new province. One of my priorities when we arrived was to find a hockey team to play on. While I played competitively growing up and through university, these days I play more for the social aspects rather than the competition. I soon found a new hockey team to play on and was excited to get back on the ice. After my first season with my new team, I was a little disheartened because I felt I really hadn't built many friendships with my teammates beyond that rink. Around the same time hockey ended, I was asked to play on a summer softball team (again a recreational team). The season went great! I felt much more connected with my teammates. I have since moved again and no longer play on this hockey or ball team but several of my ball teammates remain some of my closest friends.

Looking back it is clear that I fit in better with my ball team because we shared similar characteristics. Specifically, my hockey team included women who were older and most were married with children. Conversely, my ball teammates were younger (much closer to my age) and although many were in relationships (some married - including me), none of us had children. I should note that being recreational teams, neither were age restrictive. I believe the homophilous ties reflect choice homophily and that the ties grew stronger as the season progressed and we all learned more about each other. While I definitely think that both sayings have merit, in this circumstance, I believe that similarity itself was the primary reason that the social ties between me and my ball team formed. Being closer in age and having no kids, my interests, values, and priorities aligned much closer with my ball teammates. Sidenote: it turned out that my ball team was also a hockey team in the winter, so I joined their team and had a blast the next season.

Carina

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My best friend, Nicole, met her boyfriend Thomas online recently and the more they get to the know each other the stronger their social tie grows. If I am understanding this correctly, I think Nicole and Thomas’s relationship are both induced homophily and choice homophily, because both Nicole and Thomas encountered each other on the internet – Plenty of Fish – (induced) and chose to continue to associate with each other based on their preferences (choice). Can a social tie be both or does it have to be either induced or choice homophily? The homophily principle definitely applies to Nicole and Thomas, though; they have many, many similarities such as: (1) both looking for long-term relationship – marriage and children within the next several years, (2) family oriented – each raised their siblings’ child, (3) similar family dynamics – both have an older brother and sister, (4) both have “exotic” animals for pets – Nicole: birds, guinea pigs, and Thomas: snakes, (5) both have cats, (6) taste in pop music, comedy movies/television. However, they do differ somewhat in age, education, and location; he is a year older, he left college after a year to focus on the army, whereas as she is a college graduate, and they did not grow up in the same town (he is from an hour and half away). The striking similarities between Nicole and Thomas is what initiated their tie and as the number of similarities grow the stronger their tie gets.

--Libra

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I can see where both of those phrases have been applied in my life. The majority of my friends and I are very similar in some of our preferences and perspectives, however my husband and I are opposites in a lot of ways. I agree that homophily would play a larger part overall in society than heterophily. I mean, just because I can handle one husband that is opposite doesn't mean I can handle my entire group of close friends being opposite - that seems like a recipe to feel like an outcast. It's clear more relationships are going to be built on common preferences. I think in order for heterophily to play a part it will depend on one's level of open-mindedness.  Relationships will go deeper when differences can be acknowledged pleasantly and one can recognize opportunities to learn and grow from the other person.  I believe it is good to have a mixture of those situations in life; homophily to fuel our need for belonging and heterophily to encourage growth and development.

Lyra

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Most of the romantic relationships in my personal social network seem to follow the homophily principle—grew up near each other, similar upbringings, levels of education, interests and values. I do have a cousin whose relationship with her husband seems to arise from having at least as many differences as commonalities, though.

They grew up and lived in totally different parts of the country; we grew up here in New England while he’s from North Carolina and other Southern locales. She prefers simple, home cooked food like mashed potatoes, corn chowder et cetera but he’s a definite foodie with a taste for exotic things. She loathes Dr. Who and he has every Tardis figurine, coffee cup and t-shirt ever marketed. She loves swimming and will do it in any water source. He’s convinced even the mud puddle in the back yard might harbor sharks and won’t go in anything but the public pool even when it’s 100 degrees. We grew up having big family gatherings, covering the house in tinsel and presents for birthdays and holidays, while he grew up in foster care so time with family isn’t very important to him and he thinks the money and mess of the holidays et cetera are foolish.

They do share many characteristics—similar levels of education, love of cheesy B horror movies, video games and discussing these things with others online (which is how they first “met”). The shared interests explain their initial social encounter but I don’t know that those similarities or the simple proximity of being in the same chat room completely account for how they wound up developing a relationship and ultimately getting married, especially when they don’t share so many other characteristics. Nor do I think their differences are the reason they wound up together, as they seem to avoid other people who share those same differences. I can only assume the strength of what similarities they do share—including an obvious affection for one another—outweigh the divisiveness of their differences.

Overall, I think it makes sense that most social ties would be more homophilous than heterophilous—similarities would seem to lead to greater desire to affiliate/successful relationships while differences would seem to be divisive--but clearly other factors also play a role.

Columba