# data[].attributes.body
Hello Tristan O. I really love your 1st body paragraph because how long your warrant is and the fact you put “ To support , games sharpens the brain and eye”really helps your essay. And to add I like that you used transitional phrases and a lot of it and most of your paragraph makes sense. However I feel you can make your 3 paragraph warrant a little longer but I love it.

# data[].attributes.body
In your essay, Video Games Influence On Kids, I love the way that you structured the essay and the way that you explained everything making it a lot easier for me to read and understand. I also love the way that you introduced a new paragraph in the way that you could explain it without having it be too bulky. I wish that you took my comment and used it by not being so repetitive. With the Certainly transition word for the thesis sentence and for the claim sentence right next to each other.

# data[].attributes.body
Hi Tristan! Your essay was just  and was so dicriptive. It was just phenomenal to see such clear pictures in my head about what you wrote. Something I would suggest doing is adding a bit more to the first descriptive scene because, what you said there is a great start, but I think you should add more talking about how he went on to his video games and played with his friends. This will show the reader how he felt so much better after finding an alternative way to play with them through video games. Overall, this was an amazing essay and I would love to see more of your work. See ya!-Marco Laurenzano

# data[].attributes.body
Hi Tristan your essay was amazing one of my favorite parts of your essay was your 3 paragraph because it’s very true especially with shooters because you have be on your toes while waiting for any move that could kill which gets the heat pumping. Another thing I really liked was your questions in your warrants because if you asked that to people they wouldn’t really know what to say. Although one change I think you should make is to check your introduction paragraph again

# data[].attributes.body
Your memoir was astounding to read, it was the most unique and educational one yet. I really liked how you showed how scared you were of the spider, just reading it made me scared of the spider too. My favorite part was when you were looking for the spider, It made me feel like it was the scene in Jurassic park where the Raptors are in the kitchen looking for John Hammonds nephews, as soon as the Raptor saw John Hammonds nephew, It went for it’s attack just like you did. Luckily John Hammonds nephew got away. This spider on the other hand was not too lucky. Keep up the great work!

# data[].attributes.body
Your writing piece is so strong! Go what jitter and word that you put in there that make your writing piece stronger and stronger! I also liked how you used silky instead of smooth and using detail like silky sliver web is amazing!One thing is that. You need to improve on in your writing piece is that you maybe just keep adding more and more details in your piece!

But over all your writing piece is awesome!!

# data[].attributes.body
One thing I liked about your piece is how much you talked about sleep. I thought that that was really funny. My favorite part about your pice was wh3en you said “Whenever I wake up to my alarm I always  try to go back to sleep but when I do I end up rushing to get ready for school because I slept in.” I think that is what always happens to me too. Another  thing I liked about your writing is how you wrote your writing. I liked how you did not write it like a list. Instead you had a sentence for everything you wanted to say. Sometimes you would have two! I really enjoy reading it. However I do think you could have written a little more. You did not write as much as some of the other people I saw. I think that it is a a great little paragraph.

# data[].attributes.body
Hello Tristan, Your piece was very nice and I liked all the depth and detail you added. I too try to sleep in but then I realize I need to wake up or I will be late. I also get invested in games for long periods on time. This is a bit embarrassing to admit but 1 time I played a video game for 9 hours. With breaks every now and then. I really enjoyed reading your piece.

# data[].attributes.body
I really enjoyed how you described all the things you do, like when you said “I don’t enjoy the ocean cause I always think there’s something there.” Or how you wanted to be a musician. I really like it and want you to keep it up. Also I noticed how you didn’t describe so much, like the thing in the ocean I want to know more about that. But from that keep up the good work!