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Hi Jon! My first star is that it was in the other kid’s point of view instead of Marcos. I was about to read the story thinking that Marco would be the main character, but I guess I was wrong. The second star is the development of the character William from mean to nice, I think the development was done well. The third star is the ending because I’m used to happy endings or cliff hangers, and this ending is different so it is nice to see something new. Your story was really good, and I look forward to your next one. :)

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Hey Jon! A strength in your essay, “Why Kids Should Game,” is your choice of transition words. I really liked your transition words like “to be more clear” and “for instance.” Another star in your piece is your sum it up sentences. You did a nice job of finding the right change of words from your claim sentence. However one suggestion I have is to maybe elaborate more on your anecdotes just to back yourself up a little more. Other than that small critique your piece was amazing!

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Wow jon i love your writing and i think its wonder full. I think you can be a really good writer. I love your warent so much i love it.❤️

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Hello, Jon! One thing that I really like about your article is your questions because they are all so relatable and interesting. They get me wondering the exact same thing. Another star that I have for you is your descriptive scenes. I can actually picture the scenes you wrote in my head as if it was actually happening in real life. However, one thing that I found was the reason in your second CREWS paragraph in the essay, and the reason is pretty much the same as the claim. Other than that, I really enjoyed your article, and I really look forward for more from you!

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A strength about your memoir is that it is full of onamonapia and having the cracking noises k shrink in font like the sound was getting quieter and quieter but continues. Another incredible thing about your writing is that you also have amazing similes, for example when you said “my foot was like a prairie dog at the turtle back zoo running into its hole.” A desire I have for your memoir is that maybe you could have added a little bit more for when after you found it like did you rush inside, what did you do? But aside from all that your piece was brilliant!

P.S. I think you might have been the first kid ever to find a real raptor claw not gonna lie!

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Happy Birthday, Jon! It’s me, Adam, and I have read your memoir, and it was really good! I really liked that there was a lot of descriptive language in your writing, keep it up, dude!  You described a lot of things really well, like how your foot was sinking in the water. In addition to that, I really liked how your memoir had a lot of funny parts in it. In my opinion, the funniest part was when you said you were running around like a monkey trying to find his yummy banana. However, I did see a lack of inner thoughts, and I just think you can add a bit more. But other than that, your writing piece was really good! Again, Happy Birthday, and I look forward to read more writing pieces of yours!

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I thought it was really cool that you found a actual raptor claw because I am also a huge Jurassic Park fan. There was also very great detail and I felt like wile reading it I was there.

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I really liked the way you described the water, and how your dad was amazed however I personally think you should change how it ends and make it a little more… “happy”

Bye Jon also happy birthday

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Hey, Jon. It’s me, your very good friend, Adam. I would like to share some positive things about your writing. One positive thing about your writing was the part when you were talking about Bob Ross. I really liked this part a lot because I did not know this about you, and I got to learn more about you as a person. I also loved the part when you talked about drawing, because I also really like to draw, so I can connect to that a lot. However, I think you can make the outro just a little bit longer, and then you’ll be good. Other than that, It was a great writing piece! Also, about the NFL, just keep working hard, and you will make it, I believe you can.

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I love the detail you put in your writing, it was fabulous. Another thing I liked was the dinosaurs you put in, my favorite is the Valacer Raptor. My last thing for you is, I think you can make it to the NFL, if you just keep working hard you can do it.

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From sam g-I like your name in general it really made me want to continue to read the whole thing, I also

Agree bob Ross’s painting is quite good, something that you might want to change though is one tiny spelling mistake of velociraptor