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I liked that you added a lot of descriptive writing that was interesting and fun to read. I also liked that you added characters in your moment. I just wish that you added some similes

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I loved your piece so much! One thing I really liked about your writing was how you chose the Venus flytrap slide as your topic.  As I had the same nervous thoughts at the time I went on it, I was really able to connect.  Also, your descriptions helped me feel that I was in the moment.( the vibrantly colored attractions, emerald green eyes). One wish that I have is that I thought that you could have made your lesson deeper.  It was a good lesson, but I felt it wasn’t deep enough.  

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I loved your piece so much! One thing I really liked about your writing was how you chose the Venus flytrap slide as your topic.  As I had the same nervous thoughts at the time I went on it, I was really able to connect.  Also, your descriptions helped me feel that I was in the moment.( the vibrantly colored attractions, emerald green eyes). One wish that I have is that I thought that you could have made your lesson deeper.  It was a good lesson, but I felt it wasn’t deep enough.  

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I like the figurative language you used there, it is very awesome with that! And I never knew you played Roblox! I do too! Just explain to me what games you troll roblox people in.

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I really loved how descriptive you were with your writing, it was just so good how many details you put in. I also loved the sound effects at the beginning like THUMP. I just wished that you were a little bit more descriptive one the slide part, but that was still amazing so great job.

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I love your title, the way you opened up the writing just really made me want to read more on your website.I love how you explained your room as “your natural habitat” that made me laugh a little bit but that is a great way to say, “when I’m at my house I will be in my room a lot of the time.”One thing I think that you could have worked on was dimming the photos a little bit, especially for the quote. I couldn’t really read some of the words that you typed. And the X Box background is a little bit too bright. I could see the words clearer than your quote but still, it's a little too bright.

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What I like about your writing piece is that you describe your writing and youthful us the most important things in your life and you tell us everything you can think of like when you said you can see me reading too many books in my bed. What I also like about your writing is that in the text when you said “In my den I can be caught  listening to video games songs and doodling, and watching Patrike dance on a piece of paper” I thought that you had a very good word choice. What I’d like you to improve is that when you talked about how you like to troll people on roblox I thought maybe add more hobbies like taekwondo if your the Griffin I’m thinking of.

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Your writing was amazing and funny. I like how you said that you see Patrick dancing on paper and trolling roblox players. Also I loved how descriptive you were with your writing. The only thing I wish was that you wrote a little bit more about the things you hate. It was still great though.

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One positive thing about your about me, was the part when you were telling us about what you like to do. The funniest parts were when you said you can get caught watching Patrick dancing on paper, and trolling people in Roblox. To add on, I really like how right from the start, like a “Sea of Writing,” and “I hope you enjoy riding the waves!” I was hooked right from the start. However, at the end, there wasn’t as much detail. I would like to know more about your dislikes, and why you dislike them. Other than that, it was a really great writing piece!