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each thought that intoxicates your mind about me only echoes into my heart. even when i'm away from you, i can feel you radiating in my bones. just like today, the day i was always told to spend with loved ones yet you're too far away for me to grasp a hold of. thank you for the sweet wishes, just a smile from you is enough of a present.

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I will say that It's a little disappointing that we don't get to spend your birthday together. I wanted to do something nice for you, as you did for me. But I guess this is what It's like when we are idols and schedules always take over our lives. That's why I'm doing this. It's short, and It's not a lot, but I promise I'll make it up to you whenever you are free. Or Christmas, but that's in a while, isn't it?
I'm not good with letters, and definitely not with expressing my feelings. And that's why I always suppress them when I'm with you. There are so much I want to say, but I always stop. Sometimes I'm not too sure the reason why. But there is one thing I know, and that is you are very, very special in my heart. But I think I told you that before, at least once or twice. So please don't forget that.
Sometimes I think about it and I still don't know why, but after all the heartbreaking moments in my life, your place in my heart, not once it has gone away. I told myself I would never ever trust anyone, or open up again, you know why, but here I am. I have my walls around people, but I take them down when I'm with you. I know that sometimes I might seem distant, but It's because this feeling inside my heart, It's scaring me. And sometimes I'm afraid that It's scaring you, too. That It will become a burden to you. It did, with other guys. Sometimes I wonder if scars ever really go away, because even though I got over my past, there are still so much things I'm scared of.  So much things I wonder about, and trust me that I try not to. It should be obvious by now to others ( that are close to me at least ) that I have feelings for you. And It would be a lie to say that there weren't moments I wonder what would happen if we took the next step. And It's terrifying. Because I get attached and I give it my all when I like someone to the point that they can't take it anymore and they run away. I don't want that to happen between us, and that's why I always try to keep my cool ( doesn't really work out that well, does it? ). I don't want things to go wrong between us, and that's why I'm always so careful. I don't want you to just be another chapter of my life, Kim Hanbin. I want you here in my life, as whatever It is, a friend, a good friend, someone special, but I want you here. As I want to be there for you no matter what, even if one day you told me that there were other girls in your life. As you did before. No matter what happens, I will stay.
I think I'm getting off tracks, I'm not too sure what exactly I want to say. But I miss you when you aren't around, and that void can only be filled when I see your smile. Your smile that can brighten up my days. And I find peace when I'm with you. It's funny how every single other person in my life always tells me to be strong, especially guys, they expect me to be the strong and bright one that always laughs and makes other people happy, yet you are that one person that told me It's okay to be weak. And It means a lot. And It makes me realise that maybe, just maybe, It's okay for me to be weak when I'm around you. I try not to, though. But thank you for saying that, anyway.
I don't doubt your feelings, I don't. Even though I can't deny that I don't get jealous each time you say that Namjoo is pretty, and It seems that you like her a lot. Even more than you like me. I just hope that my presence in your life can make you happy. Like yours in mine. I hope that my jokes and my dumbness sometimes can make you laugh, that would be enough. And I hope you know that no matter what happens, I'll always be here. That sometimes life doesn't turn out the way we want to, but It's okay, because you are not alone. I am here with you.
So happy birthday to you, the man who owns my heart. Funny, how I'm technically "married". But I hope you know that you are the one who's always on my mind when we are apart. Your arms are the place I want to go back to after a tiring day. Your lips are the lips I want to kiss to feel the softness of them and the warmth of your body against mine. It's you. It has been you for quite some times, I just haven't had the courage to say that out loud in front of you yet. I told you I suck at this, remember? But hopefully, slowly, one day I'll be able to do that again.
I'm sorry that I can't be there with you on your birthday, but once you come back, let's meet. A simple and small date, where I can hold you and give you all the hugs and kisses you deserve. And I want to thank you, for being born. Thank you to your mother and father to give birth to such a wonderful son. Thank you for being a part of my life, for coming back. Thank you for being you.
Hey Kim Hanbin, happy birthday to you.
And I, Yoon Bomi, like you a lot. Like a lot, a lot, a lot.
And whenever the sky is grey, look at this, and remember that I'm always here with you, okay?
Yoon Bomi.