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In this video the teacher deals with real aggressive behavior in class where a child hits another. The teacher take it calmly and asked children to solve the problem.

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This blog post stresses the issue of relational aggression in young children, and it stresses the causes as well.
Teachers who read this article can learn more about the issue of aggression in young children, and what is so important about it.

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When we think about relational aggression, one thing that may come to mind is the 'bitchy' female behaviour commonly seen in middle childhood and adolescence and portrayed in movies such as Mean Girls. However, children as young as three have been reported gossiping, spreading rumours, and excluding or denying their peers from participating in play. More than 20 years ago, researchers labelled these behaviours as relational aggression and noted that they differ from typical forms of physical aggression commonly seen in young children in that these relational aggression behaviours focus on causing harm to social relationships.

When I first learned about these forms of relational aggression among very young children, I was an Early Intervention Teacher. I was horrified by my ignorance - how could I have not been aware of these behaviours occurring within the early childhood centres I worked in? When I started talking to other educators about these behaviours, most confessed that they see these behaviours " all the time" but said that it was " just a normal part of growing up that the children will grow out of."

With a keen interest in social development and working with children who displayed behavioural concerns, I was horrified that despite early childhood educators being aware of these behaviours, very little intervention took place because it was viewed as typical behaviour, something that children will grow out of - a kind of developmental milestone that children experience. This left me with a very uneasy feeling. I knew that I couldn't walk away and do nothing, now that I knew what I knew.

My hunch

Intent to cause harm is a central component of the definition of aggression. However, from everything I had learned in my Undergraduate psychology papers, I wasn't convinced that such young children had the skills to be able to participate in relational forms of aggression with the intent to cause harm. I thought it likely that these children were just modelling others' behaviours and weren't deliberately using these sophisticated behaviours to achieve hierarchy and prominence in their social groups or to exclude their peers. After all, these children had only been in existence on this earth for a very short three years, and it seemed to me that it takes time and experience to learn how to skilfully manipulate social situations to get what you want and to develop a keen eye for other peers who can be easily persuaded or dominated or may be weaker than you. I just didn't believe all this could happen in the first 3 years of life.

In this blog post, I consider this key question from my doctoral research: "Can young children (3-5 years old) engage in relational aggression with the intent to cause harm?" and share some of my findings. I aim to highlight the role of teachers and parents in inadvertently communicating to young children that relational aggression is more acceptable than physical aggression.

What I found

I collected and analysed hours of video and audio recordings of young children engaging in social play in both unstructured and structured activities. This data clearly confirmed that children as young as three do indeed engage in both relational and physical forms of aggression.

I found that the choice of which type of aggression to use was often based on what the child wanted to achieve from the situation. For example, some children used relational aggression as a reaction to another behaviour - such as when another child was kicking blocks over and the aggressor said " I won't be your friend if you keep doing that. " In most incidences of relational aggression though, the behaviour was premediated and proactive with the aim of gaining social dominance of the play situation or of an object. This differs to children who predominately used physical aggression, which is often reactive.

What was most interesting, though, was the conversations I had with children after I had observed them. This was an opportunity for children to watch the videos of themselves engaging in play and social encounters, while telling me why they were doing what they were doing. I was amazed by how aware these young children were about their behaviours. Most of the children were able to clearly articulate and describe why they were excluding another peer from play and what they expected the outcome to be. For example, one child (aged 4) wanted to play on a bike and continued to threaten the two other children by saying " If you don't give me a turn I won't be your friend." The child continued to repeat this phase in an aggressive tone for almost three minutes. When we watched the video of this incident, I asked the child: " Is it okay to say 'I won't be your friend' to other children?" The child responded, " No ... [but] I don't care, I wanted to have a turn and I didn't want to wait my turn." Once the child got a turn on the bike, positive emotions of laughter and satisfaction were displayed as the goal had been achieved.

These conversations were a unique opportunity to see situations through the eyes of a young child who had directly engaged and participated in the aggressive behaviour. It was clear that by giving young children an opportunity to justify their negative behaviours and aggressive actions, we as adults (and researchers) can better understand why some children choose to use aggression to achieve social goals whereas others choose more prosocial behaviours. So can young children engage in relational aggression with the intent to cause harm? Indeed they do, and they often do it in such sophisticated ways that, when standing on the periphery of their social worlds, educators and parents don't recognise it. One we engage in conversation with children, we can better understand their intentions.
From educators and parents/caregivers
My discussions with educators and parents/caregivers highlighted a number of concerning factors that may have contributed to the reasons why relational aggression goes unchecked. In particular, I found that:

Teachers and parents viewed relational aggression as less serious than physical aggression. For example, a teacher defined aggression as being "pushed or shoved, like a physical type of behaviour ... It actually needs to be more than just saying 'I don't want to be your friend' and that sort of thing. It needs to be more than that."

Teachers and parents were more likely to do nothing about relational aggression, yet they responded immediately to physical aggression. For example, a parent stated that when responding to a child pushing another child, "I would tell the child that it is bad behaviour and I'd put them at the end of the line so they feel how it is to be at the end of the line and learn patience." However, in response to relational aggression, a parent said to the child, 'I t is sad to be left out' and went on to find them an activity that everyone could play together.

Teachers and parents were more likely to feel empathy for children who had been victims of physical aggression compared to relational aggression. For example, a teacher commented: "I mean, these words are bad, but they happen with kids all the time ... You can actually see the physical stuff and it hurts them."

These findings about teachers' and parents' views weren't surprising, because they were consistent with previous research, but they were incredibly disappointing because they contradicted best practice recommendations to intervene and respond to all forms of aggression. Clearly these perceptions reflected a systematic denial that all forms of aggression are serious and require intervention.

Without intervention, we inadvertently communicate to young children that the behaviour is acceptable. The consistency in both teachers' and parents' perceptions and practices in regard to child aggression suggested a much broader societal standard - one which I became even more concerned about. This is an aspect I am investigating further in a subsequent study exploring New Zealand educators' and parents'/caregivers' perceptions of relational and physical aggression (in particular, identifying why they differentiate between these two forms of aggression).

So what does this research mean?

The take-home message from my doctoral research is to not underestimate the socially damaging behaviours that young children use to achieve goals. Aggression isn't something that children will " just grow out of". As adults, we need to recognise that all types of aggression can be harmful and we need to communicate to young children that types of aggression are unacceptable. In order to do that, our responses to these behaviours need to be consistent. Young children are sensitive to our responses, so if you intervene and communicate that their behaviour is harmful to others, there is a high chance that child will stop engaging in that behaviour. This really puts the onus back on educators and parents/caregivers to be consistent in responding to young children's harmful behaviours - both physical and relational.

My current research project is allowing educators and parents/caregivers to have a voice about the types of resources and supports they would like to help them facilitate healthy social relationships in their young children. If you'd like to share your perceptions and make a difference to the social development of young children, parents can participate here and teachers here.
Cara Swit is a Senior Lecturer at the University of Canterbury and currently teaches in the Postgraduate Diploma in Specialist Teaching - Early Intervention. She continues to explore the important role of teachers and parents in fostering healthy social relationships in young children.

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Relational aggression: Why are young children so mean?

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When we think about relational aggression, one thing that may come to mind is the 'bitchy' female behaviour commonly seen in middle childhood and adolescence and portrayed in movies such as Mean Girls. However, children as young as three have been reported gossiping, spreading rumours, and excluding or denying their peers from participating in play.

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Every teacher who wants to avoid aggression and bullying in her classroom should:
- Maintain healthy social environment in the classroom by teaching children how to be active and respectful in the social context.
- Maintain daily routine for children, so they know the expectations, participate, and do not get angry when asked to do something.
- Children should learn empathy and the importance of others' feelings.
-  The teacher should be a role model for children in regulating her self.
- Teachers should expect aggression and bullying in her classroom and always be ready to use these actions and turn them to teachable moments where she and her class can learn new social skills.

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This song illustrates several situations where children feel angry and made, and it gives a Technic to deal with this anger.

The teacher can expose children to this song during group time, in the beginning or the end of the school day. Then children and their teacher can use it whenever anyone get mad or lose control of their actions.

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Daniel Tiger - "When You Feel So Mad You Want to Roar" SONG

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Sing along with Daniel Tiger as he explains what you do when you feel so mad that you want to roar! This animated preschool series features Daniel, a shy but brave 4-year-old tiger who lives in the Neighbourhood of Make Believe.

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This song is fun and enjoyable for kids to help them calm themselves when they get aggressive.

If the teacher has the issue of aggression in her class, she can represent this song as part of a lesson on aggression to define the term aggression and teach techniques of dealing with anger.

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Sesame Street: Common and Colbie Caillat Sing "Belly Breathe" with Elmo

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Cool Down and Work Through Anger Book by Cheri J Meiners. This book represents for children the causes of anger and aggressive behaviors, and how to deal with them. It could be a productive tool in the class library center and a great read-aloud book.

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By: Deanna Campbell, Mitch Oake, and Holly Brophy

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Leave Me Alone By Kes Gray stresses that children should discuss the issue of bullying, so they can cooperate with the victim and beat bullying. Teachers can use this book as read aloud or part of the library center.
When the teacher read this book to children, she can ask several questions to motivate children's critical thinking.
1- Was talking to the problem with the animals worth it? Why?
2- Was the giant behaving  appropriately? Why

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Children's Bedtime Stories | Leave Me Alone By Kes Gray | Anti-bullying Tribute

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NEW YOUTUBE CHANNEL | A heartfelt experience of a bullied child, written by Kes Gray. Sure to leave your child aware of bullying and who to talk to.

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When Sophie Gets Angry--Really, Really Angry...Book by Molly Bang

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When Sophie Gets Angry--Really, Really Angry...Book by Molly Bang

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This book by Molly Bang is a helpful tool to address the feeling of anger in the classroom. It also gives children ways of self-regulation and deals with aggressive feelings.

This book also can be used as read aloud for young children or one of the readings for first graders since it has little words.

However there are some critical questions can be discussed with children about the story.
1- Did Sophie behave  appropriately when she left her house?
2-  What would you suggest Sophie to do when she gets angry again?

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Bullying Prevention Strategies in Early Childhood Education

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Bullying Prevention Strategies in Early Childhood Education

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This article gives a general understanding of bullying and victims in an early childhood setting, and some suggestions to deal with this issue in schools.

The teacher who read this article educate her self more about the issue of bullying and how to prevent it in the classroom.

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This video can be an excellent tool for the teacher to represent in class for kindergartners. At this age, children do not the cause of their aggression sometimes. This video with the illustrations is an exciting, accessible tool for children to learn about the origin of aggressive behaviors and how to deal with them.

Teacher use:
The teacher can use this video during group time where she shows children the video and discuss it with some critical questions.
1- In the video, there are several ways to calm your self down. Which one is the best way for you? Why?
2- What would you have done if you were the one who missed the game?
3- Rank the importance of soccer games

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Social and Language Skills as Predictors of Bullying Roles in Early Childhood: A Narrative Summary of the Literature

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Social and Language Skills as Predictors of Bullying Roles in Early Childhood: A Narrative Summary of the Literature

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Many people claim that bullying does not exist in early childhood setting, and it starts to take place in primary grades. This research provides signs and actions of bullying in a preschool setting.

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Rethinking Early Childhood Education by Ann Pelo

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Rethinking Early Childhood Education by Ann Pelo

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Bullying is mainly caused by feeling privileged than others or feeling that others have something less or not acceptable. In this book chapter the teacher build self-acceptance in children, so they accept themselves and others. They also at a higher level can advocate their appearance and not get offended by bullying.

The teacher who read this book chapter can take advantages of the teachable moments in this book.

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Boats and boating--Equipment and supplies

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5 Essential Parenting tips dealing with aggression. 

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5 Essential Parenting tips dealing with aggression. 

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This video is an excellent tool that the teacher can use to address aggressive behaviors of kids with parents. Some aggressive actions in the classroom come from children’s home; therefore, the teacher should communicate with parents and help them with some tips to resolve aggressive behavior.
This video gives four tips to support parents education about aggressive behaviors.
1-    The video represents the gentle touches’ game, which can be used in class with children to improve their offensive actions.
2-    Parents should deal with their aggression and regulate themselves first and then ask children to be gentle.
3-     Parents should teach children to do their daily routines and needs by themselves, so they don’t get angry if they don’t get the needed support.
4- Parents should also control children exposure to video games and internet. Parents have to make sure that the materials in the video games are suitable for their age.

Additionally, there are some critical questions can be used to stimulate conversations about aggressive behaviors in parents-teachers conferences.
1- Rate the level of violence you see on media?
2- What is your favorite family TV show that you watch with your kids? Why?
3-  Judge which is the best solution to the problem of violence on media? Why do you think so?

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5 Essential Parenting Tips #4 - Dealing with Anger & Aggression | Supernanny

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Check out some of the best parenting tutorials from Supernanny over the years. Click here to subscribe and keep up with all the latest videos: http://youtube.com/user/officialsupernanny Official website: http://www.Supernanny.co.uk https://www.facebook.com/OfficialSupernanny/ https://twitter.com/Supernanny Welcome to the Supernanny channel, with classic TV show clips and more.