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There are alot of comma splices and     run-ons) There is one in the second sentence.

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very emotional strong piece

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kind of repetitive, grammar and punctuation errors.

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I don't see anything that needs to be revised really. You may need to try not repeating a lot, like "the boys". Try using something a little different.

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You could talk more about the Friday night butterflies to make your writing stronger.

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Fixing all the run on sentences. Then make better final ending.

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Your artful grabber
How you use a lot of compelling personal experience, but your organization is very expository.

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A powerful grabber.

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I like the topic that you picked because the reader can tell that you know a lot about it and personaly have been through it.

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We really liked your examples and the expeirences

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Why is a bond with older guys good for a young man?  You could develop that point a little more.

Why does football bind players so closely? You could develop that part a bit more.

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Good:
The grabber is really good and how you talk about a bond that you can only get through football

Things to fix:
you used "boy" so much

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I love how you talk about the teammates being your brothers pretty much. I really loved the line "when one of the players need help, or is getting picked on, you can bet the teammates will be there to stand up for him or help each other out,".

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Good:

I like how you talk about the people on the team being brothers.

Things to work on:

The words "boy" and "boys" are used a lot.

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We really liked your opening paragraph, Its a really strong grabber. We also really liked the line " I recognized all these cars, they were the vehicles that my brothers drove."  As the story progress, you start referring to your team mates as brother, not just team mates. That really gives us a sense of how the team works.