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This empowering book celebrates self-love, confidence, and embracing who you are. It teaches children the importance of self-worth and appreciating their unique qualities, making it a great resource for developing a positive identity.

Byers, G. (2018). I Am Enough. Balzer + Bray.

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A #1 New York Times bestseller and Goodreads Choice Awards picture book winner! This is the perfect gift for mothers and daughters, baby showers, and graduation.
This gorgeous, lyrical ode to loving who you are, respecting others, and being kind to one another comes from Empire actor and activist Grace Byers and talented newcomer artist Keturah A. Bobo.
We are all here for a purpose. We are more than enough. We just need to believe it. Plus don't miss I Believe I Can-the next beautiful picture celebrating self-esteem from Grace Byers and Keturah A. Bobo!

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A #1 New York Times bestseller and Goodreads Choice Awards picture book winner! This is the perfect gift for mothers and daughters, baby showers, and graduation. This gorgeous, lyrical ode to loving who you are, respecting others, and being kind to one another comes from Empire actor and

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This book encourages children to speak up for themselves and others in the face of injustice, bullying, and bias. It shows that even small voices can create change and promotes standing up for what is right.

Reynolds, P. H. (2019). Say Something!. Orchard Books.

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If you have a brilliant idea... say something! From the creator of the New York Times bestseller The Word Collector and I Am Human comes an empowering story about finding your voice, and using it to make the world a better place.

The world needs your voice.
If you see an injustice... say something!

In this empowering new picture book, beloved author Peter H. Reynolds explores the many ways that a single voice can make a difference. Each of us, each and every day, have the chance to say something: with our actions, our words, and our voices.

Perfect for kid activists everywhere, this timely story reminds readers of the undeniable importance and power of their voice. There are so many ways to tell the world who you are... what you are thinking... and what you believe. And how you'll make it better.

The time is now: SAY SOMETHING!

"A motivational must-have for every collection." -- School Library Journal

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This book highlights diversity and inclusion by showing that everyone has unique qualities, and that’s what makes us special. It’s a simple, engaging way to introduce children to the idea that differences should be celebrated.

Parr, T. (2001). It’s Okay to Be Different. Little, Brown Books for Young Readers.

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It's okay to need some help.
It's okay to be a different color.
It's okay to talk about your feelings.

From the bestselling author Todd Parr comes a reassuring book about being who you are.

Told with Todd Parr's signature wit and wisdom, It's Okay to Be Different cleverly delivers the important messages of acceptance, understanding, and confidence in an accessible, child-friendly format. The book features the bold, bright colors and silly scenes that made Todd a premiere voice for emotional discussions in children's literature. Targeted to young children first beginning to read, this book will inspire kids to celebrate their individuality through acceptance of others and self-confidence-and it's never to early to develop a healthy self-esteem.

It's Okay to be Different is designed to encourage early literacy, enhance emotional development, celebrate multiculturalism and diversity, and promote character growth.

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It's okay to need some help.It's okay to be a different color.It's okay to talk about your feelings.From the bestselling author Todd Parr comes a reassuring ...

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This activity is a modified version of the classic "Guess Who?" game but includes diverse characters with different skin tones, abilities, and cultural backgrounds. The game helps children challenge assumptions by encouraging them to ask deeper questions beyond appearance.

Derman-Sparks, L., & Edwards, J. O. (2010). Anti-Bias Education for Young Children and Ourselves. NAEYC.

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Anti-bias education is not just doing occasional activities about diversity and fairness topics (although that may be how new anti-bias educators begin). To be effective, anti-bias education works as an underpinning perspective, which permeates everything that happens in an early childhood program-including your interactions with children, families and coworkers-and shapes how you put curriculum together each day.

This article is an excerpt of the second edition of Anti-Bias Education for Young Children and Ourselves, by Louise Derman-Sparks and Julie Olsen Edwards. An NAEYC bestseller, this book helps early childhood educators fulfill their mission of helping all children reach their full potential. The new edition-with major updates to all chapters, including gender identity-will be available early in 2020.

The four core goals of anti-bias education

Four core goals provide a framework for the practice of anti-bias education with children. Grounded in what we know about how children construct identity and attitudes, the goals help you create a safe, supportive learning community for every child. They support children's development of a confident sense of identity without needing to feel superior to others; an ease with human diversity; a sense of fairness and justice; the skills of empowerment; and the ability to stand up for themselves or for others.

Goal 1: Identity

Teachers will nurture each child's construction of knowledgeable, confident, individual personal and social identities.

Children will demonstrate self-awareness, confidence, family pride, and positive social identities.

This goal means supporting children to feel strong and proud of who they are without needing to feel superior to anyone else. It means children will learn accurate, respectful language to describe who they and others are. Teachers will support children to develop and be comfortable within their home culture and within the school culture. Goal 1 is the starting place for all children, in all settings.

Adding to early childhood education's long-term commitment to nurturing each child's individual, personal identity, anti-bias education emphasizes the important idea of nurturing children's social (or group) identities. Social identities relate to the significant group categorizations of the society in which we grow up and live and which individuals share with many others. Social identities include (but are not limited to) gender, racial, ethnic, cultural, religious, and economic class groups. (In the forthcoming book, social identity is described in detail in Chapter 2.) A strong sense of both individual and group identities is the foundation for the three other core anti-bias goals.

Goal 2: Diversity

Teachers will promote each child's comfortable, empathetic interaction with people from diverse backgrounds.

Children will express comfort and joy with human diversity, use accurate language for human differences, and form deep, caring connections across all dimensions of human diversity.

This goal means guiding children to be able to think about and have words for how people are the same and how they are different. It includes helping children feel and behave respectfully, warmly, and confidently with people who are different from themselves. It includes encouraging children to learn both about how they are different from other children and about how they are similar. These are never either/or realities because people are simultaneously the same and different from one another. This goal is the heart of learning how to treat all people caringly and fairly.

Some teachers and parents are not sure they should encourage children to "notice" and learn about differences among people. They may think it is best to teach only about how people are the same, worrying that talking about differences causes prejudice. While well intentioned, this concern arises from a mistaken notion about the sources of bias. Differences do not create bias. Children learn prejudice from prejudice -not from learning about human diversity. It is how people respond to differences that teaches bias and fear.

Another misconception about Goal 2 is that exploring differences among people ignores appreciating the similarities. Goal 2 calls for creating a balance between exploring people's differences and similarities. All human beings share similar biological attributes, needs, and rights (e.g., the needs for food, shelter, and love; the commonalities of language, families, and feelings) and people live and meet these shared needs and rights in many different ways. A basic premise in anti-bias education is " We are all the same. We are all different. Isn't that wonderful! "

Goal 3: Justice

Teachers will foster each child's capacity to critically identify bias and will nurture each child's empathy for the hurt bias causes.

Children will increasingly recognize unfairness (injustice), have language to describe unfairness, and understand that unfairness hurts.

This goal is about building children's innate, budding capacities for empathy and fairness, as well as their cognitive skills for thinking critically about what is happening around them. It is about building a sense of safety, the sense that everyone can and will be treated fairly.

Learning experiences include opportunities for children to understand and practice skills for identifying unfair and untrue images (stereotypes), comments (teasing, name-calling), and behaviors (isolation, discrimination) directed at themselves or
at others. This includes issues of gender, race, ethnicity, language, disability, economic class, age, body shape, and more. These are early lessons in critical thinking for children, figuring out what they see and hear and testing it against the notions of kindness and fairness.

These lessons build on young children's implicit interest in what is "fair" and "not fair."

As children come to identify unfair experiences and as they learn that unfair can be made fair, children gain an increased sense of their own power in the world. Children cannot construct a strong self-concept, or develop respect for others, if they do not know how to identify and resist hurtful, stereotypical, and inaccurate messages or actions directed toward themselves or others. Developing the ability to think critically strengthens children's sense of self, as well as their capacity to form caring relationships with others.

Goal 4: Activism

Teachers will cultivate each child's ability and confidence to stand up for oneself and for others in the face of bias.

Children will demonstrate a sense of empowerment and the skills to act, with others or alone, against prejudice and/or discriminatory actions.

Goal 4 is about giving children tools for learning how to stand up to hurtful and unfair biased behavior based on any aspect of social identity. Biased behavior may be directed at oneself or another. It may come from another child or adult or from children's books, television, and films. This goal strengthens children's development in perspective taking, positive interactions with others, and conflict-resolution education.

Actions of teasing, rejection, and exclusion because of some aspect of a child's social identities are a form of aggressive behavior. They are just as serious as physical aggression. The old saying "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me" is false. Children's developing sense of self is hurt by name-calling, teasing, and exclusion based on identity. And children who engage in such hurtful behaviors are learning it is acceptable to hurt others, the earliest form of bullying. An anti-bias approach calls on teachers to intervene gently but firmly, support the child who is the target of the biased behavior, and help both children learn other ways of interacting.

Children's growth on Goal 4 strengthens their growth on the other three goals. If a child is the target of prejudice or discrimination, she needs tools to resist and to know that she has worth (Goal 1). When a child speaks up for another child, it reinforces his understanding of other people's unique feelings (Goal 2). When children are helped to act, it broadens their understanding of "unfairness" and "fairness" (Goal 3).

Guidelines for your curriculum

Just about every subject area in the typical early childhood program has possibilities for anti-bias education themes and activities. For instance, early childhood education themes of self-discovery, family, and community are deeper, and more meaningful, when they include explorations of ability, culture, economic class, gender identity, and racialized identity. So, too, issues of fairness (Goal 3) and acting for fairness (Goal 4) arise as children explore various curriculum topics.

Differences do not create bias. Children learn prejudice from prejudice -not from learning about human diversity. It is how people respond to differences that teaches bias and fear.

The ideas for specific anti-bias education content and activities come from three major sources. One is from children's questions, interests, or interactions with each other that classroom teachers see as important to respond to and develop. Teacher-initiated activities are a second source of anti-bias activities, based on what classroom teachers and families think is important for children to learn. A third source is significant events that occur in the children's communities and the larger world that classroom teachers think need to be explored with children.

Here is an example of an anti-bias education topic at snack time.

It is snack time in the 4-year-old room. The teacher sets a small pitcher of water on the table for children to pour and drink. Lupe, whose home language is Spanish, looks up and asks, "Agua?" Casey, sitting next to her, says with annoyance, "No! It's water-not ahhgwa" (exaggerating the pronunciation). The teacher stops what she is doing and turns to Casey and says, "Lupe is right. What you call 'water' her family calls 'agua.' There are many words for water, for crackers, for oranges, for everything! We all have words. We have different words. It's pretty wonderful!"

At group time, the teacher follows up by asking children about the different words they have for people in their family. As the children call out Grandma, Oma, Pops, Daddy, Papa, Abuelita, and more, she writes them on a chart. She assures them that none of the words are wrong. They are just different. And they all mean someone who loves them.

Meet anti-bias goals in every corner of the classroom

The ongoing examination of how people are simultaneously the same and different provides children with a conceptual framework for thinking about the world they live in. For example, children playing with blocks can learn that although some children like to build tall towers and some like to build long, flat structures on the floor, all the children like to build. Art projects can show enthusiasm and admiration for blacks and browns along with all the other wonderful colors of the spectrum. The common curriculum topic of harvest time can include respecting and making visible the people who grow, pick, and transport our food.

Everyday activities offer opportunities for Goals 3 and 4 as well. Arguments over toys can include discussion of fairness and kindness. Exclusionary play, stereotypes in books, or teasing are experiences open to critical thinking about hurtful behavior and for problem solving toward just solutions.

Planning Anti-Bias Education Activities for Your Program's Curriculum

An anti-bias education approach is not a recipe. Rather, teachers include anti-bias issues in their planning by considering the children and families they serve and the curriculum approach their program uses. Here are key questions to ask yourself as you and your colleagues plan learning activities and environments. Begin by asking yourself these questions for one or two activities a week, and see how they change what you do and how the children respond.

Where do I best fit anti-bias goals and issues into my curriculum plans for the day and the week?

Who might be left out of this curriculum? How will I use the topic to include each child, connecting to the diversity of their social identities and to their individual needs? How can I be sure no one is invisible or unnoticed?

What ideas, misconceptions, and stereotypes might children have about this topic? How can I learn what these are and provide accurate information and counter misinformation and stereotypes?

How can I use this topic to support and strengthen children's innate sense of justice and their capacity to change unfair situations to fair ones?

What learning materials do I need to gather to incorporate an anti-bias perspective into this curriculum topic?

Use child-initiated and teacher-initiated activities

Children's questions, comments, and behaviors are a vital source of anti-bias curriculum. They spark teachable moments as well as longer-term projects. However, it is not sufficient to do anti-bias activities only when a child brings up a relevant issue. Teacher-initiated activities are also necessary-be they intentionally putting out materials and books to broaden children's awareness or planning specific learning experiences around issues that matter to families and the community.

You do not wait for children to open up the topic of reading or numbers before making literacy and numeracy part of the daily early childhood curriculum. Because you have decided that these understandings and skills are essential for children, you provide literacy and numeracy discussions and activities in your classroom. A balance between child-initiated and teacher-initiated activities is as vital in anti-bias education as in any other part of the early childhood curriculum.

Here's an example of how a teacher begins with a children-generated teachable moment and follows up with teacher-initiated activities:

After a windstorm broke dozens of small branches off of the trees surrounding their preschool, several 4- and 5-year-old boys begin building a "club house" by dragging branches and bunches of leaves to a corner in the playground fence. Valeria (4 years old) starts dragging a branch to join them and the boys shout, "No girls allowed! No girls allowed!"

The teacher considers encouraging the boys to welcome their classmate into their play-but then she hesitates. There are larger societal issues embedded in this interaction. As an anti-bias educator, she decides she needs to address the underlying ideas, especially that girls can't or shouldn't engage in play that emphasizes physical strength or that "real boys" don't include girls in their play.

Deciding to find out what the children are thinking, the teacher asks, "Why do you think no girls are allowed?" She listens carefully to the boys' responses: "Girls can't move the big branches." "And they can't build high!" "We're going to be superheroes! Girls can't be heroes." And, finally, "We don't like girls." All these statements reflect commonly held stereotypes about girls. Additionally, she thinks, not seriously addressing the situation reinforces the additional stereotype that boys don't have to pay attention to the feelings of others.

Seeing an opportunity to expand their thinking, the teacher suggests testing these claims. She says, "Well, let's find out if girls can move the big branches and build high or not." Since many of the children are now gathering around, she invites everyone to join in the challenge. "What do you think is going to happen?" she asks. With much laughter the children run and gather branches. Some girls are faster than some boys, some boys are faster than some girls. Everyone is able to add branches to the club house, which is suddenly much higher!

Bringing the children back together, the teacher says, "It looks like both girls and boys can lift big branches and build high. Thinking that boys would be better at these things than girls was a stereotype." Several children repeat the word stereotype (preschoolers love big words!). Still holding their attention, the teacher clarifies and gives words to the program's values: "Stereotypes are unfair. In our school we want everyone to be treated fairly. What can we do so that we can be sure that we play together fairly?" The next steps are suggested by the children. One suggestion is a sign that says "Everyone can play here." "How about," says one of the boys who began this episode, "how about if we want to play alone, we just say 'you can have a turn in a few minutes'?"

Knowing that one interaction is never enough to help children think in new ways, the teacher plans and carries out further activities. She adds to the classroom library books in which female athletes and firefighters are strong and fast. At circle time, she reads books in which girls and boys play together in big muscle games. She invites a female carpenter in to help the children build with real tools. And she begins a curriculum on "Being a hero," about all the ways boys and girls can be powerful helpers.

In the next staff meeting, the teacher relates what she has done and is planning to do, and why. She asks her colleagues to consider the frequency of gendered exclusionary play in the program and they agree to take the important step of identifying how (explicitly and implicitly) they may be supporting a binary view of gender (see Chapter 9 in the forthcoming book) in their classroom. For example, how often do they call out "boys and girls" rather than "children"? Do they ask "strong boys" to help move furniture and big blocks? Do they comment on girls' clothing or hair instead of asking about their interests and accomplishments?
Do they support boys' tender, sharing, inclusive behaviors or mainly comment on their noisy, power-focused play? The teachers agree to observe each other as well as the children and see what changes they can make to avoid the damage that gender stereotypes have on children's sense of themselves and of others.

Using a combination of child-initiated, teachable moments and teacher-initiated, pre-planned activities is the most effective way to expand children's ability to grow in the four anti-bias education goals and to talk about, think about, and understand the world around them.

Pay attention to the realities of children's lives

While the four core anti-bias education goals are the same for all children, specific activities should be relevant to the children's backgrounds and their lives. Some children need support to resist messages of racial or cultural inferiority; others need guidance to develop a positive self-concept without absorbing social messages that they are the "normal" ones and other children are less than, strange, or negatively different. Children of wealthy families need help resisting the message that material accumulation defines their worth and that of others; children of families with fewer resources need support to resist messages that undercut their families' worth. Some girls may need extra support to develop confidence and interest in experiences that are math and science related; some boys may require help to develop skills for having nurturing, cooperative interactions with their peers
and to engage in play that reflects these attitudes.

Closing thoughts

As in all other areas of the curriculum, teachers tailor and scaffold anti-bias education materials and activities to each child's cognitive, social, and emotional developmental capacities. They plan and choose learning experiences that stimulate children to explore the next step of new ideas and skills and allow each child to apply new understandings and behaviors in his or her daily life.

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Understanding Anti-Bias Education: Bringing the Four Core Goals to Every Facet of Your Curriculum

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This article is an excerpt of the second edition of Anti-Bias Education for Young Children and Ourselves, by Louise Derman-Sparks and Julie Olsen Edwards.

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This activity involves guided discussions where children are encouraged to share their thoughts and feelings on various scenarios, helping them understand and appreciate different viewpoints. By discussing diverse perspectives, children learn to build trust and develop empathy towards others.

National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC). (2021, Winter). Embracing different perspectives: Supporting empathy and understanding in early childhood classrooms.

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But Can I Trust You? Embracing Different Perspectives (Voices)

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This article explains how to cultivate trust in young children so their interactions with other children and their friendships function in healthier, stronger ways.

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A picture book adaptation of Wonder, this story teaches young children about empathy and the experiences of children with disabilities. It helps families talk about differences in a way that encourages kindness and understanding.

Palacio, R. J. (2017). We’re All Wonders. Knopf Books for Young Readers.

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We’re All Wonders [Palacio, R. J.] on Amazon.com. *FREE* shipping on qualifying offers. We’re All Wonders

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This book introduces children to many different family structures, including single parents, same-sex parents, blended families, and multigenerational homes. It reassures kids that all families are special and valid.

Parr, T. (2010). The Family Book. Little, Brown Books for Young Readers.

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The Family Book celebrates the love we feel for our families and all the different varieties they come in. Whether you have two moms or two dads, a big famil...

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By providing open-ended dress-up clothes, diverse toy figures, and books that challenge gender norms, children are free to role-play and express themselves without stereotypes. Through discussions and reflection, they learn that anyone can pursue any job or activity they enjoy, promoting gender equity and inclusivity in the classroom.

National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC). (2022, December). Gender exploration in the classroom: Supporting children's identity development. Voices of Practitioners.

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I am the long-time director of a preschool in the Bay Area that serves 66 children from 4 months to 6 years. We are an attachment-based, Reggio Emilia-inspired independent school where teachers are primary caregivers for the same children from the Toddler Room to our pre-K classrooms. We have an attachment model based on our core philosophy that attachment provides "experiences [that] enable children to thrive and achieve a highly flexible and adaptive capacity for balancing their emotions, thinking, and [making] empathic connections with others" (Siegel & Hartzell 2013). I believe that our attachment model allowed Esme (note that names in this article have been changed) to feel safe and secure enough to start her gender journey with her primary caregiver and friends at school.

Esme was a student in our program several years ago and our first experience with a child exploring gender expression so extensively. It was an experience that helped me to see the possibilities and successes we can have as educators in creating a caring and equitable community of learners and in supporting families and children around gender expression and identity. It also helped me realize that many of our fears are unnecessary because if we support young children, they can lead the way to greater understanding and acceptance of gender-based realities. I was grateful that our program's work in anti-bias education helped our teachers become allies right away, rather than being fearful or concerned.

For decades, our school community has worked to be inclusive and to create an anti-bias environment, one that offers joyful play spaces for each and every child, especially those who may be otherwise marginalized because of their race, culture, immigration status, or other aspects of their identity. We have intentionally created play experiences that encourage children to play with all materials. There are no "boys" or "girls" areas-you are as likely to see a girl playing with trucks or boys playing in the kitchen area, making cookies or soup. We are also working on shifting our language, which is no easy task. We have stopped doing "boy-girl" sorting for activities and patterns for circle time. We are moving away from saying, "Hey guys, come over here!" Instead, we say, "Hey, friends/group/children, come over!" These changes take effort, and we are not perfect, but we know these small shifts make a difference.

The teachers also play games to help children notice each other's differences and similarities while celebrating their opinions and perspectives. For instance, one simple game we play is "Would You Rather?" The teacher might ask, "Would you rather eat ice cream or frozen yogurt?", "Would you rather go to the beach or go to a forest?" The children then sort themselves into groups based on their preferences and are invited to notice how the sorting plays out. The questions are purposely broad, with no right or wrong answers. After the game, the teacher may lead a discussion geared around encouraging children to observe the ways peers share different perspectives, emphasizing that all ideas are accepted.

Through play, children can engage in a rich exploration of gender. Children as young as 18 months are aware of gender as they begin to organize and sort their world (Martin & Ruble 2010), and many already start to play with toys traditionally associated with the gender that aligns with their sex assigned at birth (Solomon 2016). It is up to the adults to offer "different perspectives...to allow children access to a range of roles, expressions, and identities" (Solomon 2016). I believe that our progressive and inclusive classroom environment, paired with strong attachment relationships, has supported all children in our program, including Esme, to experience a safe and successful exploration of gender.

Because of our program's overall approach and overarching goals, Esme was able to discover and express who she was through open-ended, accessible, and gender-neutral play. Sometimes she wanted to wear a dress while doing a dance class, and sometimes, she drew herself with longer hair. In another instance, when writing an "About Me" poem, she began with, "I am a boy." She loved building with blocks as much as she loved singing Disney songs with her friends. She made elaborate train tracks and wrote stories about them. In short, she was a child, a child who felt safe playing in all areas of the classroom with anyone she wanted. Her play behaviors often straddled the gender binary, yet overall, this pattern wasn't terribly unusual for a child this young.

When she was around age 4 and a half, she began to have conversations about "feeling like a girl" with her parents and teacher, Marie, who had been her teacher since she was 2. While we knew about gender-fluid children, this was our first time interacting with a child sharing these feelings. It was uncharted territory for us, and the teachers in our program were learning new information and a new language around it. Marie and the other staff had been able to access training about gender; however, putting it into practice seemed daunting. What if we said the wrong thing? What if we made her feel ashamed? What if the parents weren't open to it? I reassured everyone that the best we could do was honor and accept what this child was telling us.

Fortunately, Esme's family was close with her teacher and me. We shared conversations about the language used at home and in our program and hoped that we could be a place of safety for Esme. We made the conscious decision to avoid labels at this time. No one was saying Esme was transgender, and we did not introduce this language to the children. This was done in collaboration with the family taking the lead on these discussions as they supported Esme to explore and discuss her gender. Because Esme was so young, there was much uncertainty, but also a strong desire to honor and be responsive to her thoughts and feelings. In this way, we took the lead from the family and followed the same language about "feeling like a girl" instead of "being transgender." It would be in kindergarten after she had graduated from our program that she would ask to formally change her name from "Eric" to "Esme" and her pronouns to "she/her". However, while Esme was with us, we didn't plan any big changes; we allowed Esme to lead the way and guide us.

At first, little changed. Esme played with the same friends, and her personality seemed as open and bubbly as ever. Eventually, she began to wear clips in her short hair and pastel t-shirts. At age 5, for Picture Day, she asked to wear a pink button-down shirt and a blue bowtie. Spring of that same year, she wore a dress to school for the first time with jeans underneath. Her parents reported to me that they had already practiced with her what she could say if other children asked questions, and this rehearsal helped to prepare Esme, both emotionally and socially. It was important to her that she come to school in a dress, and it was important to her parents that she understand that children would probably be curious and that it was going to be okay.

They were right. The dress inspired questions from the other children. Some children whispered to their teachers; some children asked Esme about it directly. Each time, all the children seemed satisfied with the answer of "Because she/I want(s) to," and that was it. There did not seem to be judgment from the children. No one laughed at her or made her feel bad for wearing a dress. Rather, they seemed genuinely curious, and once they got her reply, they did not need any further explanation.

This first "successful" dress day led her to wear more dresses to school. Mostly, the questions stopped, but one day Marie reported this lunchtime conversation between children:

5-year-old: Why do you like to wear dresses?

Esme: I just like to. And I think, in my brain and in my heart, I'm a girl.

Marie: You know, it's great that we can all do what we want. If his brain and heart feel like a girl, then he can wear a dress. Sometimes our brain and heart may be different than our body. (At this point in her journey, Esme was using he/him pronouns.)

5-year-old boy: Well, in my brain and heart, I'm a boy.

Another 5-year-old boy: Me too.

Marie: And that's great. We can all listen to our brain and our heart and do what makes us feel happy.

The discussions with the children helped them to feel safe to ask questions. The use of the attachment model in our setting allows teachers to develop relationships with children over several years. We see how these relationships create strong bonds and how this deepening of connection over time inspires trust, understanding, and love. For example, Esme would open up to her teacher, parents, and grandmother about "feeling like a girl"-but no one else. These four people had her ultimate trust that they would honor her feelings and support her through what she could see was an unusual situation. Because she trusted them to take care of her, she had little fear or anxiety about herself.

Working with Families

I knew that eventually other families would notice the changes in Esme and waited to see if there needed to be any announcement from us as a school. We had discussed this idea with Esme's teacher, Marie; with our executive director, Jackie; and with Esme's family. No one felt strongly that we should "out" Esme to "protect" her. If anything, we felt this was a very personal matter that the family could manage with our support and that no announcement should come from us as a school. Instead, when a family asked about the changes in Esme, I replied that we were seeing changes and supporting Esme to explore. When they asked if they should share anything with their child, I explained that we were using language such as "his heart and brain feel like this."

Graduation Day

As summer ended, Esme was graduating from our program and headed to kindergarten. At graduation, she wore a sea-green dress and leggings. Her hair was a chin-length bob that she had been growing out since her first "dress day." She was all smiles as she posed for pictures with her teacher and classmates. As she celebrated with her learning community, friends and family congratulated her.

Conclusion

Esme taught us something essential: a child exploring their gender does not have to be scary or hard. There may be many emotions and questions, but when the experience unfolds in an environment of responsiveness and inclusivity, a child can feel accepted and supported. For some children, exploring gender identity and expression may be isolated to a specific time period. For other children, like Esme, exploration may be a step toward a fuller expression of gender transition. The family felt supported by the program, and in turn, Esme was able to be who she was. We had no big meetings, conversations, or arguments. Instead, we had short discussions about our feelings, our brains, and our hearts. These conversations were part of our partnership with this family. Even if we all had questions, everyone felt that supporting Esme and giving her a safe place to be herself was more important than our adult brains needing to understand what she was going through.

Thinking back to the moment in the opening vignette, my concerns didn't come to fruition. Instead, I discovered how strongly I want to make sure children are allowed to be who they are and learned that my teachers believe this along with me. As a result, I did not have to "convince" anyone that denying Esme's exploration would undermine her sense of self and possibly cause long-lasting damage to her well-being.

I know that not every educator will feel as safe supporting a child to explore gender in the way we did and continue to. Yet, I'm reminded of this fact: "While these changes might be an adjustment for many of us, inaction poses risks to LGBTQIA+ youth and does not contribute to positive gender identities. In the past year, 42% of LGBTQIA+ youth reported considering suicide. LGBTQIA+ youth also reported that when their preferred gender pronouns and legal names were respected, they were much less likely to attempt suicide. LGBTQIA+ students report higher incidences of bullying, which affects their mental health and educational outcomes" (Kitzmiller & Overton 2021).

NAEYC's foundational documents, such as the position statement on advancing equity, underscore respecting individuals, respecting diversity, and supporting the full inclusion of children; these help to guide my thinking each day as a director. The possibility of being responsible for a child's self-rejection or self-harm in later years is not an option for me as an early educator. I am proud that we supported Esme and her family at the beginning of her gender exploration, and I now feel our school community has a pathway to do so again moving forward.

References

Kitzmiller, E., & L. Overton. 2021. "Opinion: As Children Develop Their Gender Identities, Educators and Families Must Support Them." Barnard College News. June 1, 2021. https://barnard.edu/news/opinion-children-develop-their-gender-identities-educators-and-families-must-support-them

Martin, C.L., & D. Ruble. 2010. "Patterns of Gender Development." Annual Review of Psychology 61: 353-381.

Siegel, D.J., & M. Hartzell. 2013. Parenting from the Inside Out: How a Deeper Self-Understanding Can Help You Raise Children Who Thrive: 10th Anniversary Edition. New York, NY: Tarcher/Penguin.

Solomon, J. 2016. "Gender Identity and Expression in the Early Childhood Classroom." Young Children 71 (3):61- 72. https://www.naeyc.org/resources/pubs/yc/jul2016/gender-identity.

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Gender Exploration in Preschool: A Director's Story

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I am the long-time director of a preschool in the Bay Area that serves 66 children from 4 months to 6 years.

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DCF helps children and families by providing support to keep them safe and together. They offer foster care, help young adults become independent after foster care, and assist with adoption.

Florida Department of Children and Families. (n.d.). Florida Department of Children and Families.

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The Florida Department of Children and Families is committed to the well-being of children and their families. Our responsibilities encompass a wide-range of services, including - among other things - assistance to families working to stay safely together or be reunited, foster care, youth and young adults transitioning from foster care to independence, adoption.