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The greatest loss of love, my beloved—Ody.

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The greatest loss of love, my beloved—Ody.

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Today has been tiring and I sometimes check up on you just to know what's going on with you these days—as I was forbide to contact you anhmore.

Osy, as I write here, my eyes was blinking much so I could stay awake. I miss you. Inmiss you sm.

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Almost 2025 and we're still not talking.

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Almost 2025 and we're still not talking.

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Ody, I've been thinking recently. Do you ever care about me? Do you ever think that perhaps what I want wasn't you to running away but you to stay.

Those past months where I was miserable because our friendship just crumbling into dust in one night was such a nightmare for me. I always thought, what was wrong? What am I doing for being such a fool? I've been beating myself just because you leave.

Ody, this time I won't reach you first. If you still thinking it's your fault and you need to avoid me to not hurting me—you are wrong because even with your absence, I still feel hurt. The pain was still linger, added with how much I yearn for you to reach me first. To fix whatever wrong here.

Ody, perhaps it would be my last writing here too. I've waited for more than a year for you to talk to me but you seemed like you didn't even want to know whether I'm alive or not.

If being a stranger is what you want, then I wouldn't force you at all. Thank you for all the memories we've made together. 🤍

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It's been a long time since I was crying because of you.

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It's been a long time since I was crying because of you.

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Ody, I just have fun these two days. The stressful was gone whenever I'm with him. But, Ody, why in the middle of nowhere you came to my mind? Why did I told my friend about you so suddenly and bring me to tears once again?

Ody, I don't know what happened. I don't even know why am I crying. Is it because I miss you so..? You're the one in my thoughts rn.

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Iya, kaya judulnya. Aku kangen banget sama kamu. Kangennya capslock karena aku sekangen itu ngobrol sama kamu. Kalau dipikir-pikir ini udah setahun lebih kita gak ngobrol, emang kamu gak kangen aku ya? Kangen gak sih harusnya? Soalnya aku kadang suka geer. Aku mau tau kabarmu, aku mau tau keseharianmu, aku mau tau siapa orang yang perlu aku katain hari ini karena orang yang bikin kamu kesal sama aja kaya orang yang bikin aku kesal, aku mau tau gambar apa yang kamu buat akhir-akhir ini, aku mau tau tugas apa yang bikin kamu sebal.

Kalau soal kamu, aku selalu pengen tahu. Tapi, kayanya kamu gak mau aku selalu tahu tentang kamu, ya gak sih?

Kalau lain kali kita ngobrol lagi, aku mau kita gak perlu bicarain masa lalu kita kaya yang kamu mau, aku janji aku jaga jariku supaya gak nyakitin kamu dengan bawa-bawa masa lalu kita.

Masalahnya, lain kali kita ngobrol ini kapan?

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I saw your update on your WhatsApp status the night before. You were cute with your friend. The Kafka you voice over is cute, your voice is cute, the animation is cute. I watched it twice before I just close the app because I know I can't handle myself not to say it to you about how cute you are.

It's saddened me I can't say that to you anymore because I don't want to make you miserable like you did before whenever with me.

Forget the sadness. I always love it when I heard your voice. I really longed to hear your voice again. I longed to text you..

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Ody, I was looking through my old username (I'm missing my friends on my anitwt account, you know) and I found your old account (the anitwt one).

I'm such a foolish, right? For not seeing through you and your attempt by staying by my side, for not seeing your affection through your every words and actions. I always feel bad about that.. for hurting you even though it's not my intention.

If one day you look through your name on google and found this, I hope you know I always love you and will always welcome you whenever you want to talk :D

Actually, we're such a foolish teenager, I guess. We're making such a good partner, aren't we?

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I've been calling you general in this place, to anonymous who I referred to but I realize, you wouldn't know it even though I called you by your name here.

Ody, I miss you. It's almost one year since we didn't talk. How have you been? How's life treating you this far? Do you still smoke? Do you feel more at peace without me? There's so many things I want to catch up with you, about my new hobbies, my new favourite character. There also things I want to know about you while I'm not talking to you.

You're beautiful. Still beautiful just like what I remembered you. The difference is I can't talk about it to you and it ache me.

Would you want to reach me for the first time? It's okay if you're reluctant to.

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Hai, my dear. How's life treating you all this time? It's almost a year since I got to talk to you and I've been missing you like crazy. It's hard not to think about you.

Rasanya kangen berat, rasanya aku pengen ancurin tembok gengsi ini supaya aku bisa ngobrol lagi sama kamu tapi kayanya kamu juga udah gak mau ya ngobrol sama aku:(

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You're gorgeous, for today and eternity, general.

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You're gorgeous, for today and eternity, general.

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First of all, I want to say thank you for both of your parents for letting you exist and living in this world. You're really pretty, gorgeous, and all the good things that I can't even describe due to my incapability with words.

The flowers must be jealous with how you bloom prettily without you put much effort in it. The stars hide in shame because they can't compare your light in the night. And I hope the moon didn't hide at all, so they can send the words that I keep in my head about how gorgeous you are, how pretty you are.

The world is nothing near beautiful if they don't have you in it. I'm glad you're living till today to make the world still beautiful as they are with you in it.

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General, I want to talk about today, but can't because I don't want to bother you ☹️ I don't know if we're still fighting butttt! Let me share about what happened today XD

So today I'm going out with my mom and I finally try this 'keju aroma', it's sweet because of the strawberry sauce and it's really nyummie! Have you tried it? If you haven't, let's try it together. But if you have, let's share the portion (because I'm not sure if I can handle the sweetness with you).

Today I've tried the wonton too, and it's too spicy for me😞 is it because I'm too old? Mom said for young people, the spicy is enough. 🥹

Yes, I want to tryyyy it with you. I hope there's a chance when we meet and try the street food together (probably you have to guide me because I'm not really familiar about the street food!).

p.s.: have you eat today? I hope you do!

p.s.s: the picture isn't one that I take butttt it's still keju aroma so it is what it is.😋

The street food probably will be more delicious when I take them with you.

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First, I want to say sorry for only writing when I feel blue, General. I didn't mean to but I can't help it.

Today is terrible. I feel so exhausted for living today. It's hard to breathe, it's hard to suppress my emotions. Everything is so noisy, my mom and my dad, my head, myself. It's really hard not to cry today.

My last string is when I read your old letter. I cry hard, I blame myself for ruin what we had these past years, I pray to god that I hope you have a good life ahead after being in pain when we're together.

Probably it's a good thing, that we're separate. At least I know I'm the problem, I need to fix myself, after all there's many wounds that left untreated in me that makes me craving for more.

General, if probably one day you see this, I hope you can forgive me for all the pain I brought to you. I'm sorry, I really am. I'm sorry for being so noisy, so clingy, so complicated for you to understand what's going through with my head and what did I want, I'm sorry.

A little things about me is I can't talk properly, I talk bluntly that I can't help but hurt others, including you, but I didn't talk about what I want or what I feel that easily for ever one to understand, and it's still including you. I know you once told me to talk openly about what I want, what I had in mind, or what's going through with my head. But it's hard, it's not easy when all I never get asked about what I felt or never get a chance to talk about what happened to myself since my childhood. I'm young and dumb, but my dumbness is over the moon that I didn't realize how much effort you put to stay with me, how much pain I gave you without thinking.

General, please.. forgive me.. I will kneel before you, I will beg your forgiveness, I will do what you want, for one forgiveness I didn't deserve.

I love you. For that, I'm sorry.

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I decide to pour all my feelings and all the words I can't say to you here, today. It's either because I saw your new update life, or it's just me with unhealed heart (probably never will, but it's never your fault).

What should I talk about ya? Ah, probably from your sw about Navia. I agree with you!! She's so gorgeous, pretty, a literal princess!? I want to hype her too in sw but I feel shy, I don't want you to think I was following your action (even though I know you'll never think that way. It just me and my mind).

The second was yes XD you're hot even though you're losing the rank game in Valo BUT STILL!!! IT'S COOL. I want to play it with you too, but I don't have any laptop or computer to install it:( it's nice that you still enjoy the competitive game though, you're so cool when you play it hehe 😼

And the third is about how you seemed fine with your friends, I shouldn't feel like this but I'm sorry I can't help myself not to feel so sad about it.. I'm just, I can't prove to myself that I'm your better friend... That's why I feel so sad about it, that's why I feel so frustrated thay you won't even talk to me again after I answered you.

My friend once said, not to reach you out first after this and I know she's right. I can't keep reaching you out first, I can't keep bothering you with all the clingy side of me. I need to stop bothering you. But it's hard when all the years that I've gone through for four years is taken with you by my side to listen to me, or I just listened to you.

So, tell me, General, will I ever talk to you again? Will our promise to meet and talk be kept?