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Something I liked about your story is how you have the relation cycle of the man bringing Blake and then, eventually, Blake finding someone else. It seems like that has been, and will be, going on for quite some time. It additionally gives you some insight to what happened to Blake, as you sort of skip that part. I also like how you have Blake thinking that the book is about magic tricks when it’s really about actual magic. It’s very entertaining to watch Blake’s ignorance. I mean, a jumping, flying book, the title is “Magic, the Basics”, there are so many clues! Good job with that part. However, some of your grammar doesn’t really make sense. Like, one of the times when Blake is thinking what just happened?, you don’t have a question mark. Also, only the inner thought is italicized. Not the thinker tag (or whatever it’s called). I noticed you did that sometimes.

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This was a good memoir. I liked that you had no one to depend on and that it was such a close action packed game, I also like your inner thoughts like when. Your thoughts were fighting in Your brain. I liked how the story overall played out, it was in neat sections and your language was rightIt could have more details in Sections

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This was a good memoir. I liked that you had no one to depend on and that it was such a close action packed game, I also like your inner thoughts like when. Your thoughts were fighting in Your brain. I liked how the story overall played out, it was in neat sections and your language was rightIt could have more details in Sections

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hey Kevin jr I really enjoyed your piece I enjoyed wow descriptive your piece was I really like how well you described the setting I felt like I was one of the “million people” watching you.  Another thing I really enjoyed was your  inner thoughts and how you included your inner thoughts.  Somthing I think you could’ve done is explain these soccer references I also got confused at some point. Ps not all of us are soccer stars like you

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One thing I really like about your memoir is how you really show your catching the ball in slow motion. It was so dramatic - “Then I felt like everything in the world stopped” - it really puts me in the moment. Amazing! I also think that your show, not tell was impressive. I could tell that you were playing as goalie in a soccer game, even though you never actually said that. Plus, instead of just saying “I dove for the ball and caught it”, you say “It was just me and him. Then suddenly he took a big touch and my mind exploded. Dive for it. No stay here. No try to kick it away. I pushed away my controversial thoughts and dove to grab the ball. It felt like a million eyes were watching me. Their eyes were magnifying glasses, watching my every move. Everyone went silent. I felt the hard touch of the ball and pulled it to me.”. It makes me feel like I am there, watching from behind as you save the ball. A wish I have is that I noticed you made a couple grammatical and punctuation errors. Perhaps you could go back in and fix them? Other than that, your memoir is amazing!

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Hey Aidan, your peace was amazing!  I like how you told us/the reader how your siblings are annoying and how you said “it you think siblings are ok come to my house”.  another thing I liked was the description in this piece. It was phenomenal. You told us how you enjoy spending times with your family and friends and how you enjoy playing soccer.  Something I think you could’ve done better was add more. It was a little short and if I knew nothing about you I would feel I still know very little about you besides that this piece was great!

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Hey Aidan, your peace was amazing!  I like how you told us/the reader how your siblings are annoying and how you said “it you think siblings are ok come to my house”.  another thing I liked was the description in this piece. It was phenomenal. You told us how you enjoy spending times with your family and friends and how you enjoy playing soccer.  Something I think you could’ve done better was add more. It was a little short and if I knew nothing about you I would feel I still know very little about you besides that this piece was great!

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I found your quote a quote I would choose if I had a chance and the way you started your beginning was absolutely amazing. I just imagined I knocked on your door and that’s how you would introduce you and your family. In addition your title is really good and the alliteration was smart. however, a suggestion for you is either change the color or the background behind your amazing writing so people that have low brightness can see it better