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Write down five things which made you feel grateful about in your middle and late adolescence stage or things that can be relatively small in importance but made you remember a good event, experience, person, or thing in your life — then enjoy the good emotions that come with it.

1. MY TYPEWRITER: At "The Turn" I mentioned in my last Journal Entry, the closest thing I had to a friend was my typewriter. Through it, as well, God speaks to me -- in the sense that though my mind is blank, my fingers continue typing, and I cry reading the words He writes to me.

2. MY WATER TANK: Don't get me wrong, I don't actually own that water tank up on the roof deck of the condominium near my house. We don't even live there. The view is breathtaking, though. It's a view of the SLEX, with the skylines of Makati, BGC and Ortigas surrounding it, and the sky engulfing it all in its majestic infinity. Up on that water tank, I've cried, I've worshiped God, I've reviewed for exams, I've been with guys that I used to like, I've been alone, I've had great moments of victory, I've had the deepest downfalls.

3. MY WALKMAN: I got my Sony Walkman MP3 player back in 1st grade and I still have it with me today. It's been travelling with me down New York streets and 6-hour drives: music fueling my imagination and love for pensive alone-time. I love music, and a big part of that is because of my Walkman.

4. MY NOTEBOOK: This refers to all the ones I've had before: filled and nearly filled (there is no in between HAHA). It's amazing to just look back on them and see how far I've come and how much God has brought me through to make me who I am and continue to make me who He has purposed me to be. I believe with all of my heart that God has made me a writer, since the day I was born He predestined me to fill these notebooks and, later, inspire others through the stories He has written through me and in me.

5. MY BIBLE: My first personal Bible is the one I still use today, with all the notes I've scribbled since I was 10 up until now. Highlights and dates on specific chapters and pages remind me of God's perfect timing in showing me those words, as if He meant those words to be written just for me, and on the back of the covers I stuck memorable things that have been part of His wonderful plan: a rose petal from Mark (which I actually stuck there before we broke up, which I now look on victoriously); a ticket to the October 2017 Every Nation Campus Convergence at the Makati Sports Club, where I spoke in front of a whole lot of students after worship, encouraging them to break the limits of their campuses and boldly proclaim the hope and grace that God has planted inside of them; and a bunch of other stuff.

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5. Where do you want to be in a year, 5 years, and 10 years? What do you expect your future timeline will be?

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5. Where do you want to be in a year, 5 years, and 10 years? What do you expect your future timeline will be?

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I don't know where His will's heartbeat will take me, but I know for sure that no matter how higher the heights get and deeper the depths become, everything that will happen is His will's heartbeat and He is good and He is faithful.

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4. What would you change or add, if you could? How would each of these changes or additions affect your life, or even change its present course?

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4. What would you change or add, if you could? How would each of these changes or additions affect your life, or even change its present course?

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Because of the exact reason stated in the second question -- how changes or additions could change the present course of my life -- I wouldn't want to taint His perfect plan.

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3. Who are/were the most significant people in your life? How did they influence you?

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3. Who are/were the most significant people in your life? How did they influence you?

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2. Identify the turning points in your timeline. What were the thoughts, feelings and actions you experienced?

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2. Identify the turning points in your timeline. What were the thoughts, feelings and actions you experienced?

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1. Is there a 'center' or central theme in your timeline and life? If you will give a title for your timeline, what would it be and why?

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1. Is there a 'center' or central theme in your timeline and life? If you will give a title for your timeline, what would it be and why?

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Jesus is the center of my life, the turning point in my timeline, which is why I entitled it "His Will's Heartbeat" because in every aspect of my life He is LORD. And every breath of life I have in my lungs, ticks I have on my clock, and every beat my heart drums will be because and in and through and for Him. Every grain of sand in my life's hourglass falls in His Will's Heartbeat.

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As much as I'd love to go deeper into the specifics of dates and times of the life-changing events that have happened last 2017, the timeline shows it all: Since the turn, there have been higher heights. There have been deeper depths as well, more challenges and battles and struggles. The amazing thing about it all is the assurance of his love and faithfulness: compassion that is new every morning. Patterns no more, each day held its own battles and victories, and knowing that your life is in the hands of a sovereign God, watching everything -- both good and bad -- weave together into His pleasing and perfect will makes each day not only worth surviving, but worth living to the fullest in His love and for His purpose.

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"Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" (2 Corinthians 5:17)
"Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." (Lamentations 3:22-23)

The long summer before the first day at iAcademy, I reflected on His love and sought to know Him more. I read His Word; I walked, biked, and jogged often, noticing all the love He has made the world to have; I reflected on the Gospel, allowing the double-edged sword of the Spirit to cut me in half and reveal who I am and what I was made to do. Jesus and I built our relationship on good, solid ground as I gave my life to Him fully, and as He armed me with power and clothed me with faith, hope, peace, wisdom and the greatest of them all: love. I found infiniteness in the infinite, and found that I sought infiniteness because He made that desire intrinsic to the temporary human. He created us in His image and, being separated from Him by sin, the love He has for us that is still in us still quietly rages in longing for Him.

August 1, 2017: I got into the car with a sense of mission, ready to share the Gospel to iAcademy and establish relationships that would bring honor to God. I went inside the room and doubted. I went home and regretted doubting.

August 2-4, 2017: The Every Nation Campus UNASHAMED 2017 Conference, where 14,021 hearts beat for Jesus and were equipped to share the Gospel in our campuses and establish God-centered, Spirit-empowered, socially-responsible relationships with our friends, family, countrymen, and even strangers, as God has called us to call all of His children, not just a specific race or people.

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"God, I don't want this life anymore. I don't care anymore. Take it."

Head in my hands on the floor soaked with tears, words were typed on my brain: It is finished.
A sudden heat surged through my skin and I lost my breath for a second as I realized:
It -- everything -- is finished. Nailed to a Cross I deserved.
I felt it, the infiniteness.
She read books.
She read lots of books.
She searched.
She searched everywhere.
She was told by the books that love held the infiniteness she was searching for,
and it turns out love did.

"And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him." (1 John 4:16)

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"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

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A steady pattern of ups and downs that frustrated her and drained her hope.

I was born into a Christian family, went to a Christian school, was always attentive at Sunday School. I knew all the memory verses, coloured inside the lines, always climbed to the top of the academic ladders...and I got there. My dad was assigned to the U.S. for a year and I studied there, and our family traveled to 38 out of the 50 states. But I count all these as loss.
Behind the facade was a girl who was tired of new pages to color because she knew after each one she worked hard to finish, there'd be more. There'd always be more. Behind the facade was a girl who climbed to the top of the ladders not because she wanted to get to the top anymore, but because she feared the judgement of going back down. Behind the facade was a girl who, when she got off the airplane after a year of living people's dreams, regretted not enjoying it enough, regretted not finding the feeling of infiniteness in the places the world promised she'd find it.
She read books.
She read lots of books.
She searched.
She searched everywhere.
She searched for that feeling of infiniteness she kept reading about, she kept hearing about, she kept wanting,
and found to be needing, to give life to this tiring pattern of downs she hated and ups that only assured that a down was ahead.
She read books.
She read lots of books.
She was told by the books that love held the infiniteness she was searching for,
so she searched.
2016 held the love she thought she'd find infiniteness in: a boy with the name of Mark Cuenca.
Gosh, was he godly. He used to smoke, he used to drink. He used to take drugs and even got a girl pregnant. But that year, he gave his life to Christ and his life was radically changed: all his addictions faded into the light of His grace as he boldly proclaimed the Gospel to everyone (yes, EVERYONE) he knew and, later, even just passed by (strangers, street-sweepers, sales clerks)! He testified the wonders of His love and mercy to me, and I fell in love. We read the Book of Proverbs together, delving into His Word. I felt the infiniteness. I found it.
Then I lost it on the 28th of March 2017.
I can still hear the words echo in my mind as I remember kneeling on the cold cement of my bedroom at 3 AM:
"God, I don't want this life anymore. I don't care anymore. Take it."
At the lowest point of her life where all the thoughts, regrets, and doubts lashed down on a now emptied heart came the greatest plot twist:
the turn.

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This is my banner: of strengths, of weaknesses, of conquered battles and of the hopes that keep me going.

1. What have you discovered in yourself?
I've discovered how God uses the past victories, present joys and future promises to empower me to strengthen my strengths and lift my weaknesses up onto the former.

2. What are your core strengths?
I'd say my core strengths are speaking, leading and writing, but deeper down that core is the identity and purpose He's given that shines brighter against the pitch black backdrop of humanity's limitedness, and my own vulnerabilities.

3.What do you consider as your weaknesses, abilities and talents?
The main weaknesses I am struggling striving to turn into strengths are my lack of self-control and self-discipline in every aspect of my life, even Spiritually. My abilities and talents are mainly writing poetry, analyzing films and literature, playing sports and speaking in public.

4. What are the remedies you will take to improve or compensate for your weakness?
Verses like 1 Timothy 4:12 ("Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.") and Titus 2:6-8 ( "Likewise, urge [them] to be self-controlled. Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity, and sound speech that cannot be condemned.") are displayed on my bedroom wall so that throughout the day, when I face something that challenges my self-discipline and self-control, I try my best to apply them then reward myself accordingly afterwards.

5. How can you further enrich your qualities, assets and strengths?
Every day is a new opportunity for growth, and every minute I spend in this life I live for Him is a step down the perfect plan I know He has for me. Having this promise as an assurance and hope, I take every chance I get to learn and improve the gifts He has given me through reading, writing, listening, and mentoring from people God has entrusted with love and wisdom. I do not go to sleep in the evening without learning or realizing something new, and here my qualities, assets and strengths are boosted even higher.

6. Where and how do you use it to your best advantage?
Honestly, I'm not aware of a single moment His love hasn't used my strengths and weaknesses to my life's advantage: He uses them in campus ministry, where me and my Spiritual Family share the Gospel of God's love to our schools and pray for our campus, teachers and staff; He uses them in kids ministry, where I can choreograph praise-dances and speak life to the next generation;  He uses them in building deeper relationships, where me and my fellow leaders can lead life-groups (like the one we started in iAcademy) and share His love, celebrate each other's victories and support each other in the valleys of life; He uses them in my academics, where He can show people around me (through me) that He gives strength and wisdom and a desire for excellence in everything that I do; and so much more that He's done and is doing that I can't even list down anymore!