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Did you see the sign?

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In every romantic relationship, there comes that important transitional moment when a casual flirtation either deepens into something more meaningful or simply fizzles out. If you've been dating someone for a while-long enough to know you definitely like the person, but briefly enough that you don't know where the relationship is ultimately headed-you may be starting to wonder if the connection you share has the potential for a real future, or if you're spinning your wheels, hanging out with someone you only really connect with on a surface level. You and your potentially-significant other must have something in common, otherwise you wouldn't have started dating in the first place. But is this commonality-an intense physical attraction, a similarly weird sense of humor, a shared love of Joss Whedon, whatever-the sum total of what you have to offer each other, or is it the seed of a deep and lasting bond? Only time will tell how your relationship will change and grow, but keep a look out for these significant signs that your connection goes well beyond the superficial:

1. You make an effort to spend time alone together, not just in a group

If you're always hanging out with someone in a group, it can be difficult to make a connection that's deeper than shallow banter and flirting. If you're spending a lot of time alone together, having real conversations, then you can actually get to know each other.

2. You've been through something difficult together

Of course, we all hope that our lives will be easy and breezy all the time, but difficult moments-from illnesses, to family drama, to tough times at work-can say a lot about whether a relationship can last in the long term. If your potential S.O. is able to be supportive during a bad moment in your life (and better yet, if he or she goes the extra mile to really help), it's a sign that your relationship has depths beyond the superficial.

3. Conversations between you get deep in an effortless, non-forced way

If you have a real connection with someone, your conversations will be easy and free flowing, not awkward. And, importantly, they will have some substance; sure, you both love to pick apart the latest Marvel movie, but you'll also find yourself naturally discussing important events in your lives, your families, and your feelings.

4. You progressively spend more time together

As you shift from the early days of dating to having a deeper relationship, you'll progressively spend more time together. If you're dating for months and months, and you both seem content to only see each other every once in a while, it's a sign that neither of you feels a deeper connection (which is completely fine, by the way).

5. You feel comfortable being yourself

When you have a strong connection with someone, you feel comfortable being your real self. That doesn't mean that you have to pour out all of your deepest, darkest feelings all at once, but it does mean that you aren't constantly policing what you say and how you act.

6. You don't only hang out when it's convenient

Dating someone when you have lots of free time at your disposal is fairly easy. However, if you're crazy busy, yet you still find yourself carving out time to spend with the person you like- even if it means losing sleep-take that as a sign that you're interested in something more.

7. You are involved in each other's lives/friends/families

As your relationship grows and your connections deepen, you will both naturally become involved in each other's lives. If you're dating and dating, and you never seem to move toward meeting friends or family members, then you might need to think about how deep your connection really is.

8. You're able to travel together without bloodshed

Traveling with another person can be challenging, even when you're not in a romantic relationship. If you're able to spend a touristy weekend away with your new partner-navigating a new place and compromising about what you want to see and do-without wanting to kill each other, it may be a sign that you two are compatible on a deeper level.

9. You do more than have sex

Sex is an important part of a relationship at any stage, but if you find that you and your partner spend more time between the sheets than actually talking, then you might not have much more in common than your physical chemistry.
Images: Getty Images; Giphy (5)

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Signs Your Relationship Is More Than Superficial

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In every romantic relationship, there comes that important transitional moment when a casual flirtation either deepens into something more meaningful or simply fizzles out.

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The unknown science.

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Why do we foster instant connections with some people? I initially became interested in this topic because my friends were so eclectic. In each case, I had formed a relatively quick connection with a person, despite our sometimes disparate ages, cultural backgrounds, and lifestyles. It made me curious as to what caused our close and easy bonds.

I began asking people in my network about chemistry. The first person I asked was my hairdresser. I said, "I want to study chemistry, which is the natural connection between two people. Do you know what I mean?" Her response, "Oh sure, you just have it with some people. Like the other day, I had it with this kid who came into the salon." Later, I was in the car with my friend and asked, "What causes chemistry?" He thought about it and said, "My friends and I share a sense of humor. We're also pretty good looking guys. I'd say those are the commonalities." Over dinner, another friend and I had a long discussion about it. We tended to think chemistry occurred most often between people who are down-to-earth and sincere. If a person is comfortable with themselves, they are better able to express their true self to the world, which makes it easier to get to know them. Understanding oneself would also make a person more tolerant and accepting of other people, even if perspectives on important matters differed.

Although being non-judgmental facilitates chemistry, my research has also shown that similarity between people is crucial. Upon first meeting a person, if we perceive at least some similarity, we may feel more at ease disclosing information about ourselves, because we believe the other person will understand us. Feeling understood is essential to forming relational bonds. So in terms of similarity, there can never be too much, if our goal is to develop satisfying partnerships.

Another relevant variable is the degree to which we disclose information about ourselves. The theory of social penetration describes that at the beginning of a relationship, individuals tend to discuss a wide array of topics. If this initial discussion is rewarding, they begin to disclose more personal information. Although disclosures are good for relationship development, revealing too much too soon is not the best strategy. Even in long-lasting marriages, partners tend to balance self-disclosure with some degree of secrecy. It is perhaps this element of secrecy or mystery that maintains the excitement within friendships and romantic relationships.

One of the most important factors for romantic chemistry is sexual attraction. Many of my study participants described a strong sexual magnetism as the basis for their romantic connections. Surprisingly, my research indicated that attraction is relevant to friendships as well, but to a lesser extent. Taken together, the core components of both friendship and romantic chemistry included non-judgment, similarity, mystery, attraction, mutual trust, and effortless communication.

So are some people more prone to experiencing chemistry? I originally suspected that extroverted people would encounter chemistry most often. Extroverts tend to thrive on positive interactions and seek out such exchanges. They are additionally at ease in social situations, which makes other people comfortable in their presence. Surprisingly, my prediction was not supported by the research. Instead, I found that people were more likely to experience friendship chemistry if their personalities were open (e.g., adventurous, imaginative, and emotionally in-tune), conscientious (e.g., competent, disciplined, hard-working), and agreeable (e.g., friendly, cooperative, and considerate). Openness and conscientiousness were key determinants of romantic chemistry as well, but agreeableness was less important.

My studies also revealed that not everyone experiences chemistry. I asked individuals why they did not think it had happened to them. Most of these people did not know, but some identified specific reasons including not having the personality for it (e.g., being too shy); lacking trust in other people, which made them closed off; not having the opportunity to meet people; and not meeting people with similar interests.

In the end, my journey to understand chemistry afforded many answers. But even after the personal reflections, discussions with friends, and research studies, I still question whether chemistry involves something that cannot be explained by science. Part of me thinks so. Maybe it is caused by a spiritual connection, remembering the future, or destiny, I don't know. I do know that when I first meet someone and experience that feeling, it puts me into the flow of life. I am rejuvenated and eager to learn more. Whatever causes that experience, I hope it continues because in getting to know others, I have been able to discover new parts of myself.

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Relationship Chemistry: Can Science Explain Instant Connections?

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Why do we foster instant connections with some people? I initially became interested in this topic because my friends were so eclectic. In each case, I had formed a relatively quick connection with a person, despite our sometimes disparate ages, cultural backgrounds, and lifestyles.

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Relationship vs. Connection

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I used to use the words connection and relationship interchangeably. Let me explain why I don't anymore because I think it sheds some light on how building relationships works over time.

Connection is the point of contact in a relationship.

A connection, or point of contact, in a relationship can take many forms. It might be your voice in my ear, my words before you on screen, or a simple pat on the back from a loved one just when you need it the most. Compelling speeches, amusing emails, and irritating phone calls are all forms of connection; contact between you and someone who has - or wants to have - a relationship with you.

Secret Handshake

One way you might think about the difference between a connection and a relationship is to picture it like network mappers do. In a typical network graph you'll see lots of dots (or "nodes"), and these dots will be connected to each other by lots of lines. The lines represent the relationships between the dots, that is to say, the relationship between the things or people in the network. So, for example, in Figure 1. below you'll see a line connecting person "A" and person "B." That line is their relationship.

When I say "connection is the point of contact in a relationship" what I'm really doing is modifying that picture a bit to look like this:

That red square in the middle is the point of contact, the connection between person "A" and person "B." Think of Figure 2. as a snapshot in time of a zoomed in version of Figure 1. It's a zoomed-in picture because it's not meant to replace the simplicity or truth of seeing relationships as pictured in Figure 1. It's just a closer look at what's really going on here. The connection represented by the red square moves us a half step from the fuzzy world of relationships to the more concrete world of connections and what that contact between A and B actually looks like.

It's hard to visualize a relationship, but it's easy to see connections. Connections look like action - action that puts people in contact with each other. It might be you answering the door when I knock, your boss texting you to come in on the weekend, or me talking with my son about his PE class before bedtime.

One way to think of connections is as a kind of handshake between two parties. Both parties must extend a hand in order to make contact. The connection has a beginning and an end and these are usually pretty close to each other in time. In the early stages of a relationship, the connection can frequently involve some sort of exchange, even if it may take a little creativity to see what's being swapped. In this sense, connections can be said to be transactional. I might connect briefly with a bank teller to deposit a check, but we don't really need a relationship to get that done. Swapping my check for a deposit receipt is obviously a transaction, but you can also see how your reading this post has that transactional feel too; I write and post it, you click and read it and in the process we've exchanged my writing for your attention. Figure 2 even looks like two nodes reaching out to each other with a handshake. That's intentional.

Connections are really important, and very ancient, tools that biological life of all types uses to stay connected with its surrounding environment in a productive and safe way. We'll get into this idea some more in future posts because it's one of my favorite topics. For now, let's just say that each of us (and even the organizations we work in) have boundaries that define who and what we are and that they enable us to interact with other autonomous entities without merging with them. That's what a connection does.

While connections are about doing and action and are usually time-constrained, relationships are about being and the experience of connecting with someone over an extended period of time. I say that Figure 2. represents a slice in time because it shows the exact moment when a particular connection happens between two people; whether that's making a phone call, whispering goodnight or shouting someone's name to their window from the street below. All those actions are little flashes of connection that happen over time. Imagine seeing them in time-lapsed photography so that they blur together in a way that looks like the simple relationship line from Figure 1.

This is another way of saying that relationships emerge over time with repeated connections between people. The first few times I go in for my haircut, it's all about my hair. Eventually, the barber and I may form a relationship though, and begin to actually care about the answers we give each other about our lives. Our connection matures; it becomes less transactional and more relational.

Not all connections lead to relationships.

It takes two to tango and two for a relationship. Not every attempt to connect results in a relationship - just ask any telemarketer who makes cold calls for a living. You can connect with someone without them necessarily wanting it, but it's hard to do that with a relationship. I might be able to get you to pick up the phone, answer the door or open my email but I can't force you to have a relationship with me. In fact, there's a word for having a relationship with someone who doesn't have one with you; it's called stalking.

Connections can dead-end and fail to blossom into relationships for a number of reasons. One of the main flame retardants to kindling a relationship happens early on when connections are still transactional and one party simply isn't providing much value in the exchange. Send me a bunch of boring email newsletters full of stuff I don't care about and I'll cut you off by clicking the "unsubscribe link." When I dominate the conversation so you don't feel heard or important, you probably won't be seeking me out at the next get-together.

Turning connections into relationships is an essential part of "engagement" and we'll be covering that (a lot) in future posts. In the end, what it really comes down to is practicing much of what we've been taught since we were kids. Engagement and building relationships are about "meeting people halfway" - and that's exactly what Figure 2 shows as well. Both sides have to reach out in order to meet each other. It's a given-and-get world and the sooner we center ourselves in this relating, the happier and more effective we are - both as individuals and as organizations.

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Building Relationships: Connections are Different than Relationships

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I used to use the words connection and relationship interchangeably. Let me explain why I don't anymore because I think it sheds some light on how building relationships works over time.

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Team work makes the dream work.

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We connect with other people

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Inter species friendships.

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Photo by Saeed Khan/AFP/Getty Images

Animals can forge bonds across species boundaries if the need for social contact pre-empts their normal biological imperatives. A cat raised with dogs doesn't know it's a cat, the logic goes.

In the PBS film Animal Odd Couples, a cheetah and a dog are shown as friends. A narrator explains that the two grew up together at Busch Gardens and are a regular attraction at the theme park-they race out from behind a fence at 20 mph to the gasps of the audience.

Tim Smith, curator of behavioral husbandry at Busch Gardens, tells me the cheetah and the dog, both born in 2011, were just infants when they befriended one another. The male cheetah, named Kasi, was the only cub to survive a rather surprising birth from what had been considered a post-reproductive mother. He was paired with the female Labrador retriever mix Mtani when no cheetahs were available.

Smith concedes that there have been growing pains. "Part of learning is going through situations where you learn things not to do," he says. "If Mtani doesn't want Kasi next to her, she will show him signs, such as with her teeth or with a low-toned growl."

It's not clear that this will end well. As Lauren Brent, a post-doc primatologist and evolutionary biologist at Duke University, points out, "These animals are juveniles. I worry that their relationship will change once they became adults, with negative consequences for the dog."

Strong attachments often arise in captive animals, says Bonnie Beaver of Texas A&M's College of Veterinary Medicine. "Two very stressed individuals may lean on each other for comfort." In most cases, cross-species friendships are forged most strongly when animals are young. But in captivity even an older captured animal might seek out a friend, including a member of another species.

Marc Bekoff, professor emeritus of ecology and evolutionary biology at the University of Colorado, who has written several books on animal emotions, believes wholeheartedly in such bonds. He told me, "I think the choices animals make in cross-species relationships are the same as they'd make in same-species relationships. Some dogs don't like every other dog. Animals are very selective about the other individuals who they let into their lives." Even predators and prey (including his dog and a bunny) can form relationships-which as he points out requires "incredible trust" from the prey animal.

Anthropologist Barbara King from the College of William & Mary says she and other scientists have documented a number of animals, ranging from dogs to hippos to apes, that make bonds with animals of another species. If one dies, the survivor grieves. An elephant named Tarra was close to a dog named Bella and grieved after Bella was killed by coyotes. King says she has also been moved by the relationship between Owen the hippo and a 100-year-old tortoise named Mzee. "In this friendship that formed over years, they worked out a system of cross-species communications," says King. In some cases, the biggest risk in cross-species friendships isn't getting eaten. It's emotional loss.
Laurie Wiegler has reported for Scientific American, MIT Technology Review, Yale Engineering, AARP, the Prague Post, and others. Follow her on Twitter.

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Can Animals Really Make Friends With Other Species?

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Animals can forge bonds across species boundaries if the need for social contact pre-empts their normal biological imperatives. A cat raised with dogs doesn't know it's a cat, the logic goes. In the PBS film Animal Odd Couples , a cheetah and a dog are shown as friends.

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Who knew animals could have weird friends

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Our pets know us like that.

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Dr. Horowitz, the author of a best-selling book about dog cognition, "Inside of a Dog," belongs to a community of researchers paying ever closer attention to the nature of the human-animal bond in all its fetching dissonance, a pursuit recently accorded the chimeric title of anthrozoology. Scientists see in our love for other animals, and our unslakable curiosity about animal lives, sensations, feelings and drives, keys to the most essential aspects of our humanity. They also view animal love as a textbook case of biology and culture operating in helical collusion. Animals abound in our earliest art, suggesting that a basic fascination with the bestial community may well be innate; the cave paintings at Lascaux, for example, are an ochred zooanalia of horses, stags, bison, felines, a woolly rhinoceros, a bird, a leaping cow - and only one puny man.

Yet how our animal urges express themselves is a strongly cultural and contingent affair. Many human groups have incorporated animals into their religious ceremonies, through practices like animal sacrifice or the donning of animal masks. Others have made extensive folkloric and metaphoric use of animals, with the cast of characters tuned to suit local reality and pedagogical need.

David Aftandilian, an anthropologist at Texas Christian University, writes in "What Are the Animals to Us?" that the bear is a fixture in the stories of circumpolar cultures "because it walks on two legs and eats many of the same foods that people do," and through hibernation and re-emergence appears to die and be reborn. "Animals with transformative life cycles," Dr. Aftandilian writes, "often earn starring roles in the human imagination." So, too, do crossover creatures like bats - the furred in flight - and cats, animals that are largely nocturnal yet still a part of our daylight lives, and that are marathon sleepers able to keep at least one ear ever vigilantly cocked.

Researchers trace the roots of our animal love to our distinctly human capacity to infer the mental states of others, a talent that archaeological evidence suggests emerged anywhere from 50,000 to 100,000 years ago. Not only did the new cognitive tool enable our ancestors to engage in increasingly sophisticated social exchanges with one another, it also allowed them to anticipate and manipulate the activities of other species: to figure out where a prey animal might be headed, or how to lure a salt-licking reindeer by impregnating a tree stump with the right sort of human waste.

Before long, humans were committing wholesale acts of anthropomorphism, attributing human characteristics and motives to anything with a face, a voice, a trajectory - bears, bats, thunderstorms, the moon.

James Serpell, president of the International Society for Anthrozoology, has proposed that the willingness to anthropomorphize was critical to the domestication of wild animals and forming bonds with them. We were particularly drawn to those species that seemed responsive to our Dr. Dolittle overtures.

Whereas wild animals like wolves will avert their eyes when spotted, dogs and cats readily return our gaze, and with an apparent emotiveness that stimulates the wistful narrative in our head. Dogs add to their soulful stare a distinctive mobility of facial musculature. "Their facial features are flexible, and they can raise their lips into a smile," Dr. Horowitz said. "The animals we seem to love the most are the ones that make expressions at us."

Dogs were among the first animals to be domesticated, roughly 10,000 years ago, in part for their remarkable responsiveness to such human cues as a pointed finger or a spoken command, and also for their willingness to work like dogs. They proved especially useful as hunting companions and were often buried along with their masters, right next to the spear set.

Yet the road to certification as man's BFF has been long and pitted. Monotheism's major religious texts have few kind words for dogs, and dogs have often been a menu item. The Aztecs bred a hairless dog just for eating, and according to Anthony L. Podberscek, an anthrozoologist at Cambridge University, street markets in South Korea sell dogs meant for meat right next to dogs meant as pets, with the latter distinguished by the cheery pink color of their cages.

As a rule, however, the elevation of an animal to pet status removes it entirely from the human food chain. Other telltale signs of petdom include bestowing a name on the animal and allowing it into the house. Pet ownership patterns have varied tremendously over time and across cultures and can resemble fads or infectious social memes.

Harold Herzog, a professor of psychology at Western Carolina University, describes in his book "Some We Love, Some We Hate, Some We Eat" how the rapid growth of the middle class in 19th-century France gave rise to the cartoonishly pampered Fifi. "By 1890, luxury and pet ownership went hand in hand," he writes, and the wardrobe of a fashionable Parisian dog might include "boots, a dressing gown, a bathing suit, underwear and a raincoat."

In this country, pet keeping didn't get serious until after World War II. "People were moving to the suburbs, 'Lassie' was on television, and the common wisdom was pets were good for raising kids," said Dr. Herzog in an interview. "If you wanted a normal childhood, you had to have a pet."

Pet ownership has climbed steadily ever since, and today about two-thirds of American households include at least one pet.

People are passionate about their companion animals: 70 percent of pet owners say they sometimes sleep with their pets; 65 percent buy Christmas gifts for their pets; 23 percent cook special meals for their pets; and 40 percent of married women with pets say they get more emotional support from their pets than from their husbands. People may even be willing to die for their pets. "In studies done on why people refused to evacuate New Orleans during Katrina," said Dr. Herzog, "a surprising number said they could not leave their pets behind."

Pets are reliable from one year to the next, and they're not embarrassed or offended by you no matter what you say or how much weight you gain. You can't talk to your teenage daughter the way you did when she was 3, but your cat will always take your squeal. And should you overinterpret the meaning of your pet's tail flick or unflinching gaze, well, who's going to call you on it?

"Animals can't object if we mischaracterize them in our minds," said Lori Gruen, an associate professor of philosophy at Wesleyan University. "There's something very comforting about that."

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Humans and Animals: An Ancient and Complex Bond

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Dr. Horowitz, the author of a best-selling book about dog cognition, "Inside of a Dog," belongs to a community of researchers paying ever closer attention to the nature of the human-animal bond in all its fetching dissonance, a pursuit recently accorded the chimeric title of anthrozoology.

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The variation is crazy

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noun as in person who aids another in achieving goal

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noun as in something that connects, links

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noun as in something that communicates, relates

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Example Sentences

On this page you'll find 199 synonyms, antonyms, and words related to connection, such as: contact, network, relation, acquaintance, agent, and ally.

From Roget's 21st Century Thesaurus, Third Edition Copyright © 2013 by the Philip Lief Group.

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Thesaurus.com - The world's favorite online thesaurus!

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Thesaurus.com is the world's largest and most trusted online thesaurus for 25+ years. Join millions of people and grow your mastery of the English language.

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It should have a purpose or just for fun

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Peter Guber, chairman and CEO of the Mandalay Entertainment Group, explains how to establish an emotional connection with any audience.

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All stories are different

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To bring people together.

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Its to pass the baton to the next generation.

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There's a sciences to it.

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It can be beautiful

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It has a lot of power.

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Who doesn't love a good story?

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People are wired to respond to stories.

There's a reason why so many people flock to the movies or spend hours reading novels - it's because we love to get lost in a good story. And if you ever listen to a good conversation, you'll notice that a lot of connection happens when people share stories with each other.

Unfortunately, there are good ways and bad ways to tell stories - and if you tell stories poorly, you'll lose your audience's interest. So how do you tell a good story during conversations?

Well first we need to define - what makes a story a good story? I'd argue the definition of a good story is very simple:
A good story holds the listeners' interest, builds feelings of connection between narrator and audience, and provides a satisfying conclusion
In other words, these are the three ingredients to a good story

1) Holding Interest

2) Building Connection

3) Providing a Satisfying Conclusion.

I've got lots of advice for mastering each of the three ingredients. Let's dive in!

Hold Their Interest
Start With A Hook Have A Point To The Story Choose The Right Time To Tell The Story Show, Don't Tell Use Vivid Details, Not Lots Of Facts Practice Related Skills
Build A Connection
Tell Personal Stories, But Cautiously Share Firsthand Thoughts & Feelings
Provide A Satisfying Conclusion
When You Get To The End, Stop Don't Forget To Pass The Spotlight Application & Practice

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How To Be A Good Storyteller - Improve Your Social Skills

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People are wired to respond to stories. There's a reason why so many people flock to the movies or spend hours reading novels - it's because we love to get lost in a good story. And if you ever listen to a good conversation, you'll notice that a lot of connection happens when people share stories with each other.

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Its an art that can be perfected.

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A dolphin is too cute.

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The study demonstrates that these societal and cultural characteristics are linked with brain size and brain expansion - also known as encephalisation.

Encephalisation, underpins humans' sophisticated social cognition, including language, joint attention, shared goals, teaching, consensus decision-making, and empathy.

Dr Kieran Fox, a neuroscientist at Stanford University, added: "Cetaceans have many complex social behaviours that are similar to humans and other primates.

"They, however, have different brain structures from us, leading some researchers to argue that whales and dolphins could not achieve higher cognitive and social skills.

"I think our research shows that this is clearly not the case. Instead, a new question emerges: How can very diverse patterns of brain structure in very different species nonetheless give rise to highly similar cognitive and social behaviours?"

Researchers say the findings could help scientists also understand more about how humans have been so successful.

Dr Michael Muthukrishna, Assistant Professor of Economic Psychology at LSE, added: "This research isn't just about looking at the intelligence of whales and dolphins, it also has important anthropological ramifications as well.

"In order to move toward a more general theory of human behaviour, we need to understand what makes humans so different from other animals.

"And to do this, we need a control group. Compared to primates, cetaceans are a more "alien" control group."

The research was published in the journal Nature Ecology & Evolution.

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Dolphins have 'human-like' societies...but are held back by a lack of opposable thumbs, say scientists

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The study demonstrates that these societal and cultural characteristics are linked with brain size and brain expansion - also known as encephalisation. Encephalisation, underpins humans' sophisticated social cognition, including language, joint attention, shared goals, teaching, consensus decision-making, and empathy.

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Imagine lions not being deadly but kind.

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Image Credit: Huffington Post Images

According to Wikipedia, is defined as: the capacity to understand or feel what another being (a human or non-human animal) is experiencing from within the other being's frame of reference, i.e., the capacity to place oneself in another's position.

In my recent research on animals, I've come across interesting concepts and theories. The most notable, the concept of empathy among other animal species.

Scientists used to believe that only humans were capable of experiencing any emotions, most of all, empathy.

However, we now know that elephants, dolphins, whales, chimpanzees, and a handful of other animals also demonstrate emotional reactions that appear to be "empathy" and a type of self-awareness. They are able to recognize themselves in the mirror, mourn the death of their young, and experience a wide range of emotions.

Additionally, several species of animals have areas of their brains that are analogous to our emotional epicenters, the limbic and paralimbic systems.

In fact, it seems as though some nonhuman animals may experience a wider range of emotions, and/or have a larger neocortex and capacity for empathy, then even we do.

Herein lies one of the major problems. Some time ago, (some) humans stopped showing empathy, and started killing indiscriminately -- people, and other animals.

We seem to have forgotten the basic tenets of empathy. We seem to have forgotten what it feels like to be in someone else's, or some other animal's, proverbial shoes.

We kill each other over political differences, racial differences, religious differences, and resources. We kill animals for " research," or for competition and sport, or for a token without even remotely thinking about how painful and torturous it must be for that animal, its family, and the social structure of that species.

For the poachers, they do not care that the large elephant they killed for 200 pounds of ivory was the matriarch leader of a herd of elephants who depended on her for direction, safety, and love. Poachers do not care that they have orphaned the herd who mourn and who go through turmoil, and strife, and have a reduced likelihood of survival.

To the dolphin hunters, they don't care or even acknowledge the screams of sorrow as they murder one dolphin, a mother, a brother as the other pod members look on helplessly. In fact, some men even laugh or smirk.

And that, is perhaps what sickens me, and saddens me most. That "man" can torture and kill innocent animals who were living their lives just moments before, and be snide about it, celebrate it, relish it, or poke fun at it.

To me that is a psychosis. It demonstrates the very opposite of empathy. It is mechanistic, inhumane, and disrespectful. It is a very dangerous lesson to teach our children.

Imagine you are that dolphin, or that elephant, or that rhinoceros. Imagine the sorrow, imagine the fear, imagine the complete lack of understanding of why this is happening to you. You did nothing wrong, except were in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Or perhaps, like Cecil the Lion you were tracked with equipment and devices making your escape impossible.

We have become such a technology-based society, that we have forgotten how to feel. We have forgotten how to relate. We have forgotten how to connect among other humans, let alone with other sentient animals.

Our world is quickly becoming a desolate island, a screen that we hold six inches in front of our noses, and it's a hard pill to swallow.

And, because of this, we lose touch with nature, we lose touch with reality, we lose touch with each other.

It is time to stop killing each other and animals. It is time to stop taking hostage other humans and animals. The time to stop is now.

I call upon us all to close our eyes and reflect on what it is to be empathetic. To teach our children respect for each other, respect for animals, respect for differences of opinion, respect for different race, religion, or whatever!

The time to be empathetic is today. This minute. Now.

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Non-Human Animals Show Empathy. What Happened To Ours?

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Image Credit: Huffington Post Images According to Wikipedia, is defined as: the capacity to understand or feel what another being (a human or non-human animal) is experiencing from within the other being's frame of reference, i.e., the capacity to place oneself in another's position.

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Rats know how to feel.

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Throughout her career as a neurobiologist, Peggy Mason has been told over and over that the rats she experiment s on a r e not capable of empathy. Only humans and other primates can understand the emotions of another . Most other animals can't. And certainly not beady-eyed rats.

But what she was witnessing in the lab was telling her something very different. In experiments, Mason and her colleagues at the University of Chicago were finding that when one rat was placed near another jailed rat, the free rat would open the hatch for a rescue - something it wouldn't do for a toy rat. What's more, when given the choice between saving a fellow rat and some delicious chocolate, the free rat would open both cells and then share.

The study, published in Science in 2011, was a breakthrough . If rats were capable of basic form s of empathy, then perhaps empathy was common - or even universal - among mammals. Studying animal empathy could give us insight into how human empathy evolved. ("I consider myself just a fancy rat," Mason told me.)

But almost immediately, Mason's results met intense skepticism.

Alex Kacelnik, a behavioral ecologist, argued that Mason w as simply p r ojecting humanlike feelings and emotions onto these rat "rescues" - a tendency known as anthropomorphism .

"We don't have evidence that there is an internal first-person experience that leads the animal to do it," Kacelnik tells me on a Skype call from his office in Oxford. "Do they experience any emotion when helping a partner? It may as well be, but we don't know."

In a response to Mason's study, Kacelnik and his colleagues wrote that tiny ants can also appear as if they are "rescu ing " other ants in some situations . But ants are nearly brainless, and few consider them capable of empathy.

Alan Silberberg, a psychologist at American University, also wondered if Mason was inferring too much from the data. In his view, the free rat opened the cage for selfish reasons: It liked playing with the other rat. He as published a paper replicating Mason's design, but with a twist. He showed when the rats couldn't play with each other after the trap opened, the free rat wasn't interested in conducting the jailbreak .

These criticism s d on't mean Mason's findings a r e incorrect . But they do illustrate a core difficulty in study ing animal empathy: While it's easy to observe animal behavior, it's near impossible to confirm the motivations behind that behavior.

The quest to understand animal empathy has been long and fraught, but it isn't trivial. If animals can indeed feel emotions like our own, the revelation may one day lead to treatments for conditions where social bonding is difficult - like in autism - or is nonexistent, like in sociopathy.

We should care whether animals have empathy. It would mean animal brains are not that different from our own.

For decades, scientists trying to study animal empathy have run into a simple fundamental problem. "There are so many possible interpretations of [empathetic] behavior that all need to be eliminated if you're going to say they're responding because of the emotions of another animal," James Burkett, a neuroscience researcher at Emory, explains. After all, psychologists can't put a rat on a couch and ask it about its feelings.

Early experiments to prove that animals have empathy were all confounded by this limitation. In 1959, Russell Church, who still conducts neuroscience research at Brown, showed that rats conditioned to press a lever for food will stop when another rat is shocked in an adjacent cage. He argued this was a sign of anxiety, and a possible sign of empathy.

Then in 1962, George Rice and Priscilla Gainer at Agnes Scott College went a step further, arguing that rats would try to save other rats in trouble. In their experiment, rats were placed in two adjoining see-through cells. One of the rats was put into a harness and hoisted above ground - an unpleasant experience that caused wailing. The free rat in the other cell could then push a lever to lower the harness. Rats would push the lever to "free" their fellow rats, but wouldn't push the lever if a block of Styrofoam were being hoisted.

Rice and Gainer concluded that "this behavior might be homologous to altruism."
"It is hard to imagine that empathy - a characteristic so basic to the human species - came into existence only when our lineage split off from that of the apes."
A rebuttal article in Science argued that Rice and Gainer's rats were s imply responding to the loud noise of the other rat's screams. These critics showed that rats would use the lever to free anything making a loud noise - not just their fellow rats. This wasn't empathy, their argument went; this was wanting their fellow rats to shut up.

Undaunted, other scientists kept searching for animal empathy. A few years later, in 1964, " rhesus monkeys will consistently suffer hunger rather than secure food at the expense of electroshock to a [another] . " Jules Masserman, who once served as a president of the American Psychiatric Association, also noted that rhesus monkeys were more likely to go h ungry for those they were familiar with.

Most psychologists, however, refused to believe that animal empathy was possible. The field was dominated by behaviorism - which held that animals don't have observable mental states, just actions. Behavior could be understood in terms of rewards, punishment, competition, and consequences - but not emotion. Whenever animals displayed behavior that looked like empathy, behavioralists could easily attribute it to stimuli response.

And for a long time, the skeptics prevailed. Scientists simply didn't have the tools to demonstrate that animal empathy was real. That is, until Jeffrey Mogil, a geneticist at McGill University, noticed his mice behaving oddly in the early 2000s.

Though he hurts mice for a living, Mogil says it's not for a lack of his own empathy. His research is about understanding why two people may experience pain in different ways, with the hope of developing better pharmaceuticals for managing it. "My sympathy is mostly reserved for chronic pain patients," Mogil tells me.

For decades, Mogil and his team have conducted experiments testing the pain threshold of mice in order to see what role genetics play in pain tolerance.

In one experiment, the researchers would take a mouse from a cage, restrain it, and then dip its tail in a hot 120°F bath . They wanted to see h ow long i t would take for the mouse to yank its tail out - a measure of how well the animal withstood pain.

In the early 2000s, Mogil and his team began analyzing data from thousands of tail-dip trials. And they happened upon a bizarre pattern. The order in which the mice were tested in each trial seemed to matter a lot for pain tolerance. That is, on average, the first mouse taken from a communal cage and dipped in hot water experienced the least amount of discomfort. The second one felt a little more. And so on.

That "was really, really surprising to us," Mogil tells me. It was as if the first mouse had somehow told its cage mates, "That really hurt." And upon hearing that, the other mice winced.

Mogil's was the first evidence that animals other than primates could experience "emotion contagion." This is considered by many to be the most basic form of empathy. W hen I see a broken arm, I wince. When one mouse is in pain, others feel it.

Mogil staged several follow-up experiments to solidify his hunch. First he repeated the tail-in-water test, but instead of putting the mice back into the same cage, he put them into a different one. When that happened, he says, " this effect goes away completely ." Another test showed that mice feel greater pain when they are around other mice in pain. This is especially true if the mice know one another (i.e., they were cage mates beforehand).

That was just the beginning. Mogil l ater showed that mice were capable of c onsolation - another sign of empathy. In one experiment, researchers "jailed" certain mice and injected them with vinegar , a painful experience . Other mice were then placed in the "jail block" and were free to visit the imprisoned mice or ignore them completely. When the mice were familiar with one another, the free mouse would visit with the caged ones.

"If you think about that for a second, that's crazy," Mogil says. It doesn't make any sense for one mouse to approach another that is in pain - after all, that pained mouse could be dangerous. "The only reason you would do it is if you were trying to help."

That said, there do seem to be limits to animal empathy. The highest level of empathy is called cognitive empathy. T his is the ability to think through feelings and weigh options: "Emily seems upset right now, does she want me to ask what's wrong?" No researcher I spoke with for this article would go so far as to argue that animals have cognitive empathy. That's distinctly human.

But scientists have made extensive progress studying the lower, gut-level forms of empathy, in order to understand how this capacity might have evolved in animals. That, in turn, might shed some insight into how the more advanced forms of empathy seen in primates and then humans developed.

"We should think of ourselves as a part of a continuum," says Larry Young, a neuroscientist at Emory University. "These animals have some basic fundamental underlying neural mechanism that cause them to engage in a behavior similar to what we do."

Young and his colleagues recently published a paper in Science that took an important next step toward proving t hat the small acts of empathy d isplayed by rodents are, in fact, like our own.

The study in question involved prairie voles, one of the few species of mammals that mate for life. Young found that prairie vole companions will look out for one another much like human spouses do. When one vole is scared, its counterpart will come over to comfort it by licking . They won't do this for strangers. T he vole mates are also emotionally in sync: Their stress hormones will rise and fall with one another when one is shocked and the other is not. (Experiments have shown that this behavior seems to be inborn, not conditioned.)

M ore importantly, Young and his team discovered that these bonds are facilitated by oxytocin, a neurochemical found in all mammals that is believed to help facilitate social interactions between humans.

"Oxytocin is what makes the brain pay attention to the social cues of the partner," Young explains. In humans, variations on the gene for oxytocin have been shown to predict social problems in childhood and relationship stability later in life. Studies have shown that nasal injections of oxytocin may help autistic people - who often have trouble interacting with others - maintain eye contact.

When Young blocked the oxytocin receptors of prairie voles, they stopped caring for one another.

"We share the neurocircuitry of this with animals," Young says about his results. "We can come to the conclusion that what we have is not necessarily so unique."

Frans de Waal is one of the world's leading primate behavior researchers. Since the 1970s, he's made thousands of observations of primate communities. He's shown that many primates will console one another after fights. He's seen them hug and kiss. In 2010, he co-authored a Proceedings of the National Academy of Science paper in the compiling data from more than 3,000 observations of chimpanzee fights. The paper found that chimps will commonly console the losers of fights - a behavior especially pronounced among chimps with kinship bonds.

If human and animal empathy are the same, it means lessons learned from the brains of animals can be applied to heal our own.

Young is hopeful his continued work on prairie voles will yield animal models for psychiatric drugs. With a good animal model he could, in theory, test whether a drug would make the prairie voles more or less likely to comfort one another. He could test to see if there are certain genes responsible for empathetic behavior, and target those for intervention.

"We know that there are many psychiatric disorders where the ability to empathize is deficient," Burkett says, "but we have no treatment for those deficiencies."

Perhaps the fluffy, heartsick prairie vole can open that door.

We still don't know how many animals can actually empathize. But t he mounting studies suggest there's a fundamental baseline, at least among mammals. "When we're talking about the ability to sense the emotion of others, and to respond to them in some way, that's probably very widespread," Burkett says.

The capacities may vary depending on how animal societies are structured . Chimps and primates are thought to have the most humanlike emotional capacities. Dogs have evolved to live in packs and are attuned to our emotional needs. Cats, evolved to be solitary hunters, care much less.

But what difference does it make if chimps know why they're helping out a friend? Isn't it enough that they engage in the behavior, just like we do?

"Let's say you are living in a house with children, and you are crying, and your children approach you and touch you," de Waal says. "You're not, at that moment, thinking, 'Are they now altruistic or selfish when they do this?' That would be a silly distinction. Because your children are responding to your emotions."

That's all that really matters.

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Yes, even rats have feelings. Here's how we know.

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Throughout her career as a neurobiologist, Peggy Mason has been told over and over that the rats she experiment s on a r e not capable of empathy. Only humans and other primates can understand the emotions of another . Most other animals can't. And certainly not beady-eyed rats.

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Social work requires such a skill.

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One of the special qualities about being a social worker is having the opportunity to work with people from all walks of life. It is our job to meet our clients where they are; however, the journey to get there is sometimes easier said than done. Just as in our daily lives, in the field, we come into contact with people who are different from ourselves; who may be a different gender, have a different culture, be from a different socio-economic status, differ in age, or be struggling with an issue that we ourselves have never faced before. For students gaining professional experience in a field placement setting, it is both inevitable and imperative to develop the skills needed to engage, assess, and effectively treat individuals and communities with whom we may have little in common.

This process begins with empathy. According to The Social Work Dictionary (Barker, 2003), empathy can be defined as "the act of perceiving, understanding, experiencing, and responding to the emotional state and ideas of another person." The act of empathy reflects one of NASW's core values, dignity and worth of the person, by guiding us to respect everyone's unique situation, strengths, weaknesses, and what is important to them about their presenting issue and treatment plan.

Even for the most experienced professional, working with people who are different from ourselves can be both challenging and rewarding. It is often in our experience as an intern in field placement that we are initially faced with dealing with worker-client differences. It can sometimes be awkward or scary, but it is those experiences that will force us to break through boundaries and rely on the power of empathy to engage our clients and develop sound interventions with them.

In my second year of graduate school, my field placement was in a domestic violence and sexual assault crisis center. One of my assignments was to facilitate a long-term adult survivors counseling group. Each of the six group participants was at least twice my age, and I was a little apprehensive, to say the least. Before this placement, I had only worked with children and adolescents. The thought of relating to these much older women seemed almost impossible. We were at different stages in our womanhood and in life, and I questioned how I could truly be effective in helping them. When I shared my hesitations with my supervisor, her advice was to be genuine, confident in my skills, and to use my words and expression to show empathy. It sounded like a solid plan, but deep down I was hoping it would never come up in group.

Two sessions in, my fears were confirmed when one of the women remarked that I looked young and that I may not be able to understand where she and the others were coming from. She continued and voiced her doubts that I may not be able to appreciate their seasoned wisdom about life. In response, I paused for a moment and gathered my confidence. I remembered what my supervisor had suggested and all that I had learned about meeting a person where he or she is. I said, "You are right. I'm not an expert on life, or yours. One of the great things about being a part of this group is that we can learn from each other. I'd love if you told me more about yourself, what you think makes you strong, and what you hope to gain from our work together."

This took her by surprise, and I felt a sigh of relief when she smiled and noticeably let her guard down. By validating her reluctance and showing that I wasn't there to tell her how to live her life or how to heal, she saw me as an ally. Once I saw how powerful this approach was, I continued to grow my empathy skills in group and in supervision. By being honest about how I felt around mitigating our different life experiences, I became less afraid or offended when a client questioned my abilities. Always acknowledging their trepidations, I was eager to learn from them and showed a genuine interest in what they had to offer in our work together.

Why is empathy so crucial to social work?

Studies have shown that "patients with an empathetic therapist tend to progress more in treatment and experience a higher probability of eventual improvement" (Norcross, 2011). Carl Rogers (1975), who is often thought of as a leader in the exploration of the unique therapeutic relationship, initially described how the function of a therapist's ability to convey empathy can enable clients to experience possible meanings to what they are saying and feeling more clearly.

The importance of these findings in regard to the social work profession is astronomical. The majority of our clients are suffering from losses, illness, poverty, and institutional injustices that often require intensive treatment or service planning. For that treatment to be meaningful, we need to lay a foundation that will set our clients up for success. Being able to reflect an understanding of our client's situation in our assessment, intervention, and even during termination can increase the sustainability of potential outcomes.

Part of what social workers stand for is the idea of change. This can mean small changes in one person's behaviors or large changes in a community or in the world. We can help create or seed change by developing client self-awareness, efficacy, and flexibility. If we now know that creating a climate of understanding and compassion helps client engagement and responsiveness, then why not integrate empathy into every interaction we have with the people we serve?

How to break the boundaries

Since the day you started social work school, you've been hearing the term "client centered treatment." This epitomizes the idea of incorporating empathy into client-worker relationships. You are taught to use skills such as active listening, or tuning in as a way to convey your wish to meet clients where they are. These are great tools, but not the only ones you need.

Purposefully asking questions is one of the best ways to show that you understand and want to understand more deeply. Even before you begin to ask your client questions, it is crucial to be aware of your language. Language sensitivity can be described in many ways, but here are a few ideas to get you started:

Use unbiased language. When working with clients who have different levels of ability, are of a different culture, or are of a different race, you may have difficulty with engagement if you use labels or slurs to describe them or their experiences.

Reflect the same language a client uses to describe a feeling or experience. For example, if a woman who had an abortion refers to her experience as a "choice" or "decision," it is best not to then refer to her abortion as something that "she did" or "completed."

Have an awareness and separation of your own personal judgments that can ostracize a client (for example, referring to a person who struggles with substance use as an "addict" or "substance abuser").

Asking questions is a skill. There are some wonderful resources out there that can help you formulate thought-provoking questions that show your clients that you authentically care and want to know more. When deciding what questions to ask, you first want to focus on addressing preliminary treatment information.

What led them to seek help from you?

When did the presenting issue begin?

What are their goals for working with you?

How would they know that things were improving?

Referring back to the example of my experience working with clients older than myself, what worked in that situation was that I honored the differences that I had with my clients, provided validation of their concerns, and expressed an enthusiasm to change. Part of this approach was modeling an understanding and an ability to be flexible. Since that experience, I have wondered how I could have done that if I hadn't shared my feelings and emotions around being different from them.

In 2009, Gerdes and Segal developed a social work model of empathy that introduced a concept called Affect Sharing, which describes a social worker's experience of having automatic emotional and cognitive responses that are the same or shared with their clients. The research suggests that following the experience of Affect Sharing, the social worker is then faced with the decision of whether to take Empathetic Action (Gerdes & Segal, 2009). Part of the decision to take action requires a reflection on the impact of those automatic emotional and cognitive responses.

This requires a level of self awareness that all of us are capable of developing. Just as we ask our clients to tell us what their sharing is bringing up for them, ask yourself: How is this information affecting me emotionally and in my thought process?

Being able to disclose these feelings to clients can set the stage for discussing issues as they relate to a person's inner beliefs, fears, and desires. Although it may be part of your role, you should never feel that you need to interpret what a client is presenting. Empathy is natural to humans (especially helping professionals!) and can act as a source of information about how to help our clients.

Most recently, I took this approach when I was in an individual counseling session with a woman who had experienced severe mental and physical trauma over the course of her thirty years. It was our first time meeting, and she was giving me a laundry list of all of the "bad" things that had happened to her, never taking a moment in between.

I began to feel overwhelmed. Inside, I felt as though I was shrinking, and I wanted a moment to process what I was hearing. When it felt like a good time, I asked my client to pause for a moment. I told her that I was hearing a lot of heavy information and suggested that we both take a breath. She agreed, and as we both took a deep breath and then exhaled, I felt the tension settle.

I said to her, "Hearing this has been a little overwhelming. I'm wondering if we can go a little slower so I can hear your whole story-how has it felt so far to share it with me for the first time?" She responded that no one had ever asked her how she felt speaking about it before, or acknowledged that it was a real weight that she carried around with her. Rather, they avoided talking to her about it or suggested that she quickly move forward from it, because it was simply too painful.

Expressing empathy isn't presented in a pity package, but rather it is a true gut reaction and identification of what another person or group has experienced. If you ever find yourself struggling to connect with clients or feel where they are, it's always okay to say, "Can you tell me more?"

I believe that everyone has the capacity to relate to others. It may not be obvious what you have in common with a client who is completely different from yourself, but as you continue your career, whether it's working with groups or individuals or developing new policies, you will be forced to put yourself in shoes other than your own. Take the time to reflect, ask purposeful questions, and learn about the unique issues that people deal with. You may be surprised at how you can gain insight into your client's mind by reflecting on your own.

References

Barker, R. L. (2003). The social work dictionary (5th ed.). Washington, DC: NASW Press.

Gerdes, K. E., & Segal, E. A. (2009). A social work model of empathy. Advances in Social Work, 1 (2), 114-127.

Norcross, J. C. (Ed.). (2011). Psychotherapy relationships that work: Evidence based responsiveness (2nd ed.). New York: Oxford University Press.

Rogers, C. (1975). Empathetic: An unappreciated way of being. Counseling Psychologist, 5, 2-10.
Sharon Lacay, LMSW, ASW, received her BA in psychology and Master of Social Work from Stony Brook University in Long Island, New York. She recently moved to Berkeley, California, and is pursuing a career working with youth and families in crisis.
This article appeared in THE NEW SOCIAL WORKER magazine, Summer 2013, Vol. 20, No. 3. All rights reserved. Copyright 2013 White Hat Communications.

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Breaking Boundaries With Empathy: How the Therapeutic Alliance Can Defy Client/Worker Differences

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One of the special qualities about being a social worker is having the opportunity to work with people from all walks of life. It is our job to meet our clients where they are; however, the journey to get there is sometimes easier said than done.

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What makes it important?

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Healthcare professionals know they should show empathy with their patients-but what about with co-workers, colleagues and family members? Learn how to bring empathy into all aspects of your work and personal life.

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So easy that an animal can do it.

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Animals can feel empathy just like humans do. Empathy for each other, for us, and even for other species.

Empathy is feeling what others feel. Empathy is the ability to not only detect what others feel but also to experience that emotion yourself.. We humans can empathise with each other and other animals. When we empathise, we 'feel into' others and understand how they feel.

We do this with people all the time. We also do it with non-human animals.

Anyone who has cared for a companion animal such as a dog will likely empathise with them too - for example feeling their excitement at dinner time, boredom after a long day indoors, pain when they stand on a thorn.

We can also empathise with other animals such as when we feel the pleasure of new born lambs frolicking in the sun or the sadness of a gorilla trapped in a zoo.

But can other animals also empathise? Many people may think it obvious that non-human animals will empathise with each other. This conclusion may be drawn from personal experiences of simply observing animals' behaviour or from the fact that we are so physically similar in many ways. Many people ascribe empathy to their dogs.

It is thought that empathy is more likely to be present in social species. James Harris at Johns Hopkins University in the US believes that empathy is "an evolutionary mechanism to maintain social cohesion. If you're evolving and you're in a group, you're more sensitive to the pain of other members in a group."

Once believed by many to be only a human trait, scientists are now finding evidence of empathy in non-human animals, mainly in other primates such as chimpanzees, orangutans, but also in dogs, mice, and recently in chickens. Empathetic behaviour has also been reported in elephants.

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Empathy in Animals - Animal Behaviour - OneKind

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Animals can feel empathy just like humans do. Empathy for each other, for us, and even for other species. Empathy is feeling what others feel. Empathy is the ability to not only detect what others feel but also to experience that emotion yourself.. We humans can empathise with each other and other animals.

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Whats the extent of your empathy?

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Empathy is all the rage pretty much everywhere. It’s touted as a critical leadership skill, one that helps you influence others in your organization, anticipate stakeholders’ concerns, respond to social media followers, and even run better meetings. But it has its limits. Empathy taxes us mentally a…

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How does it help others

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Some folks are able to watch the latest racist incident or school shooting unfold on the news late at night, roll over and go right to sleep. Yet, plenty of others can't watch the news past dinnertime, for the pain and agony they witness seeps too deeply into their skin and all hope for sleep is lost.

The cause for taking the suffering of others so personally? The blessing and curse of empathy.

According to Dictionary.com, "empathy" is described as "the psychological identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts or attitudes of another." Roman Krznaric, author of " Empathy: Why it Matters and How to Get It," describes the difference between empathy and sympathy: "Sympathy is feeling pity or sorry for someone, but without that extra step of grasping what that person is going through, or how they are experiencing the world," he says.

Being an 'empath' versus being empathetic

There's also a difference between feeling empathy for others and being an actual "empath." Judith Orloff, MD, author of " The Empath's Survival Guide: Life Strategies for Sensitive People," identifies as an empath and describes them as "emotional sponges who are so sensitive, they tend to take on the stress of the world."

The gift of feeling empathy, or being an empath, is that you care deeply for others and want to help, says Orloff. However, the downside of empathy is it can be mighty exhausting. "Empaths have an extremely sensitive, hyperreactive neurological system," she explains. "We don't have the same filters that other people do to block out stimulation. As a consequence, we absorb into our own bodies both the positive and stressful energies around us."

Is empathy a skill or an ability you're born with?

Orloff says the ability to feel empathy is a little bit psychological tendency and a little bit neurological wiring. "It's hypothesized that empaths may have hyperactive mirror neuron systems (the compassion neurons in the brain) and they work on overdrive feeling compassion," she says.

According to Krznaric, your capacity for empathy is likely a question of nature and nurture. "Research suggests that about 50 percent of our empathic capacities are genetically inherited and the rest we can learn, because empathy is not simply a matter of wiring," he explains, adding that adversity can also lend itself to the development of an empathetic nature. "I recently met a stand-up comic who has lived with cerebral palsy all her life. She has an amazing empathy with people who not only have physical disabilities, but who get marginalized by society in other ways," he says.

Orloff also mentioned how adversity contributes to an empathetic nature: "A portion of empaths I've treated have experienced early trauma such as emotional or physical abuse, or they were raised by alcoholic, depressed or narcissistic parents, potentially wearing down the usual healthy defenses that a child with nurturing parents develops."

Empathy can be a struggle in this society

David Sauvage, an empath performance artist who consults with corporations and entrepreneurs on building more empathetic cultures, says the basis of empathy is emotional self-awareness - which isn't a skill fostered by today's achievement-driven culture.

"The average person in our culture doesn't have much empathy toward others because we prioritize everything other than emotional well-being," he explains. "How often are boys told to 'suck it up?' How often are girls told they're 'acting crazy?' How many times during the course of the day do we feel like we shouldn't feel a certain way, so we hide our sadness only to feel shame around that sadness? There's no healthy balance between the negation of people's feelings and the acceptance of people's feelings. The only way to cope is to disassociate," explains Sauvage.

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What is empathy and how do you cultivate it?

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Our brains may be wired to empathize more with people who look like us, but being more empathetic starts with just listening.

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Is it something that we learn or born to do?

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The term “empathy” is used to describe a wide range of experiences. Emotion researchers generally define empathy as the ability to sense other people’s emotions, coupled with the ability to imagine what someone else might be thinking or feeling. Contemporary researchers often diff…

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Did you know?

Sympathy and empathy both refer to a caring response to the emotional state of another person, but a distinction between them is typically made: while sympathy is a feeling of sincere concern for someone who is experiencing something difficult or painful, empathy involves actively sharing in the emotional experience of the other person.

Sympathy has been in use since the 16th century, and its greater age is reflected in its wider breadth of meanings, including "a feeling of loyalty" and "unity or harmony in action or effect." It comes ultimately from the Greek sympathēs, meaning "having common feelings, sympathetic," which was formed from syn- ("with, together with") and páthos, "experience, misfortune, emotion, condition." Empathy was modeled on sympathy; it was coined in the early 20th century as a translation of the German Einfühlung ("feeling-in" or "feeling into"). First applied in contexts of philosophy, aesthetics, and psychology, empathy continues to have technical use in those fields that sympathy does not.

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Compassion and empathy both refer to a caring response to someone else's distress. While empathy refers to an active sharing in the emotional experience of the other person, compassion adds to that emotional experience a desire to alleviate the person's distress.

... the story of Nellie Bly, the first female investigative reporter, who not only demanded justice from powerful institutions, but also insisted on dignity and compassion for the most vulnerable citizens. - The Christian Science Monitor, 17 Aug. 2022

Blonde clearly wants us to feel for Norma Jeane, but it dwells on her pain so obsessively ... that the movie's empathy feels like another form of exploitation. - Justin Chang, NPR, 23 Sept. 2022

The distinction between compassion and empathy is frequently a topic of exploration.

By empathy I mean feeling the feelings of other people. So if you're in pain and I feel your pain-I am feeling empathy toward you. If you're being anxious, I pick up your anxiety. If you're sad and I pick up your sadness, I'm being empathetic. And that's different from compassion. Compassion means I give your concern weight, I value it. I care about you, but I don't necessarily pick up your feelings. ... [I]f I feel compassion for you, I'll be invigorated. I'll be happy and I'll try to make your life better. - Paul Bloom, quoted in Vox, 16 Jan. 2019

Compassion is a much older word; it's been part of the language since the 14th century, and comes ultimately from Latin com- and pati, meaning "to bear, suffer." Empathy is a 20th century coinage modeled on sympathy as a translation of the German Einfühlung ("feeling-in" or "feeling into"). It was first applied in contexts of philosophy, aesthetics, and psychology and continues to have technical use in those fields.

Example Sentences

He felt great His months spent researching prison life gave him greater empathy with the poor. empathy towards convicts.

These example sentences are selected automatically from various online news sources to reflect current usage of the word 'empathy.' Views expressed in the examples do not represent the opinion of Merriam-Webster or its editors. Send us feedback.

Word History

Greek empatheia, literally, passion, from empathēs emotional, from em- + pathos feelings, emotion - more at pathos

1909, in the meaning defined at sense 2

The first known use of empathy was in 1909

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the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit... See the full definition