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1. I have a serious crush on my teacher – should I tell her?
Q: I’m a 16-year-old student harboring ardent feelings for a teacher. She’s an absolutely wonderful (in my view, angelic) human being, who seems utterly devoted to what she does and is terribly cordial to us students. It is out of awe for her personality, and gratitude for how she’s made a mark in my life, that I feel so attached to her. She’s in her late 20s, I suppose, but I feel she could be 18. My feelings are not sexual, but my social circles make barely any room for this possibility. I can find little solace in my friends for fear that they’d mock me because she’s not considered a looker. I feel an urge to tell her how amazing and adored she is, but fear she’ll be threatened or affronted, or that she’ll feel pained for me and not know how to respond.

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Dear student

I understand your situation; students of your age confuse love with kindness. You are a young man and you still don’t understand what is happening to you. It is important to be clear that she will always remain loving because she loves what she does, loves to teach and she loves to be nice, so for this reason you are confuse. I agree with you, I think your friends will not understand your situation; they will probably laugh of you.

I think you could tell her your feelings but you should know that she could react in different ways:

She can understand you and explain the situation to you; some relationships are not allowed for obvious reasons (she is your teacher and you are her student) she will guide you in that aspect and will remain friendly.

The other possibility is that if you tell her what you feel she may be angry with you because she may feel uncomfortable. And she could talk with the school director to guide you; you will go through uncomfortable situations because you will have to explain them.

You should talk with your parents or a responsible adult about your situation to guide you.

Thanks

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5. I left my home for freedom in Europe but I’m terribly lonely.

Q: I am a 30-year-old guy and I am really lonely. I was born in Iran and was raised in a conservative family and society. I went to university there and graduated with a master’s degree in English language studies. I am now at university in Germany, but I am not able to make friends with girls. I have no proper job, no future and not even a friend. I tried online dating sites; they don’t work. What is wrong with me? I even think of ending my life. I do not have any future going back to a country which does not accept me when I do not believe in Islam.

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Dear lonely friend

I want to tell you that it happens to all of us at some moment in our lives when we ask ourselves … What’s wrong with me? Why am I alone? However, the answer could be in ourselves  but we do not see it because we are worried and only we can see negative aspects.

First, I would recommend you to take into account that you are a person with a very good level of education who has deserved a lot of effort and this is a great strength in your life, Maybe You can offer your services as an English teacher, for this is convenient to promote your classes online, in addition to this way it is possible to interact with many people and establish friendship, it is also the opportunity to improve your work.

Perhaps because of your conservative education and because of your nationality you are currently a bit shy and then you must be secure and should lose your fear. To make friends there is a strategy that does not fail, but you need to convince yourself that you are capable. You could register in a team to practice some sport or you can also do cooking, dance or any other course, either online or in person that catches your attention or that you like, wherever there are courses and people will often play football, dance or cooking, maybe that way you could get to relate with more people and you must remember that relationships are strengthened step by step and it depends of each one whether we keep them or not.

Regarding your family, if you do not share your religious beliefs, that does not mean that family ties are definitely broken. You should call your parents, to know some news about them, it may be good and help improve your mood.

To end solitary friend, in this moment of your life, in which you think you are alone, you must reflect and take this moment not as aloneness but as “freedom”, you could get ahead because you have many opportunities, you must decide and tell me the good news very soon.

Blessing

Agony Aunt

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2. My father is a womanizer. I’m terrified I’ll become one, too.
Q: I’m 22, single and very romantic, yet I can’t relate to women. I grew up with a womanizing father and ever since I can remember he has made comments about women and sex. No man in my family has ever achieved true love and they have all had multiple sex partners and lovers, betraying the confidence of wives and long-term girlfriends. My great grandfather, my grandfather, my uncle and my father share this and some of me thinks that I can’t fight it, that I will become the same. But I struggle. I just can’t talk to women; I can’t play charming around them even when I have a good relationship with them in spaces such as work or college. I have “female friends”, but I can’t break the confidence they have in me by playing the love card. So I’m often the friend of the women I like. My entire romantic concept has been built by culture, by movies like Gone with the Wind or Doctor Zhivago, books like A Farewell to Arms, For Whom the Bells Tolls and long sessions of the Smiths or the Cure.

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3. My daughter is dating a man more than twice her age.
Q: I have a 23-year-old daughter. Her mother and I split up when she was seven due to her mother’s infidelity. I still see my daughter regularly and she is close to my wife and the two other children we have. My daughter didn’t have a “proper” boyfriend until she was in her late teens. Last week I was informed that her new boyfriend is a little older than her. It transpires he’s 48! He also has a wife and two children who he is preparing to leave to be with my daughter. I am, in equal measures, furious, horrified, embarrassed, ashamed and desperate. This new boyfriend is older than my wife, who is 46. I am 55. My daughter wants me to meet this man, but I am too shocked and angry that a man of his age and with his responsibilities could behave in this manner. How should I handle this? I am too embarrassed to talk to my friends about it.

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4. My family is great, but I feel as though I have no real friends.
Q: I am 38, happily married with two children and have a job I enjoy. However, I have found myself plagued by anxiety about friendships and feelings of loneliness. Since having children I seem to have been on a roller-coaster of friendships. As our lives have evolved, people have drifted away. I now feel I am left with acquaintances (mainly school mums) rather than actual friends. I find WhatsApp groups stressful and can’t go on Facebook, as I feel jealous when I see events where I haven’t been included. Some of my pre-children friends remain, but busy lives and distance mean I only see them a couple of times a year. I’ve given up on phone calls, as people only seem to want to text! I just don’t know how I can get out of this spiraling anxious mindset. Will it improve when my children are older, or without play dates will my social life dry up altogether?

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Hi, you won't necessarily to become a womanizer too, you are a person different from others and you can make your own decisions, you must recognize that the things your father, grandfather and other persons in your family had done are wrong, you can see how their lives become incorrect and also you can see the consequences of these behaviors. So be strong and take your own decisions, mark your way of life and learn through the process, also, you might learn about the experiences of others' lives, like you see on your family. So think about fight your fears with women, first I recommend you to practice this with women that you don't know, then with people that you know, in order to face your fears, remmember: for overcoming your fears, you must face them.

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I have always thought that the family is the most important thing, but in this case I feel that you reach an age where friends, friendships are scarce and we face different feelings and stages ... but I would recommend that you go to different places, for example to the gym where your mentality and body would improve and would see different people, besides that, you can make new friends and in this way to know new friendships with the same habit as you, I have never thought that social networks are the solution of finding friends or attending events, this could be the best plan of all and also you can be a healthier person. You have to think about the stages of life and also the way you can enjoy your children as friends. Likewise try to assist to those groups of people who share things that you like, perhaps the bowling or literature. Another great plan that you shoulddo is to make trips with your family to different cities or places where you can meet new people and at the same time share with your family, I think this could be beautiful.

With love, Agony Aunt.

Thanks.

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Dear Friend

Love has no age that would not be a reason for anger, that her daughter has a boyfriend older than her, but the problem is that he is married and has children.

I think that what you have to do is not to pressure your daughter, because you know that when they are in that stage of adolescence the more you forbid them the more they will do things, with that what you would do is send her into to the arms of That man, in this way you would make things worse, then what you should do is calm down and talk to her about this relationship, make her come in that this man apart from the fact that he is older has a home, and that it is wrong that she interpose in that relationship, make him understand that this man wants to deceive her, and then he will do the same thing that he is doing to his wife, also you should set the example of what happened to his mother, everything he and she lived, because the best way to make oneself understood is based on experience ..

I know that her daughter is going to reconsider and realize that what she needs is to have friends of the same age, she will start to interact with them, to share, and she will realize that what she felt for That gentleman was only a caprice but not love; and over time he will know his true love and will do the right thing.

Sincerely,

Lady Gonzalez